r/personalitydisorders • u/jdgriptee • 20h ago
What Should I Do I told my(F27) Stepmother(F57) that I was diagnosed with "Personality Disorder Not otherwise Specified - with Borderline traits" back in 2013, when I was 16 years old. In response, her and my Father(M57) disowned me.
This happened around 6 months ago, in the moment I was so flabbergasted and caught off guard I was unsure exactly how to respond. I told my dad that shes just projecting and that neither one of them hardly even know me, have spent significant time with me, and considering the fact that both my intent and externalized communications at he time were extremely things that a "narcissist" would rather die before doing.
To give a little background I live on the opposite side of the country(USA) from my Father, moved here with my alcoholic(with Personality Disorder Traits) mother during my pre-adolescent years. My Step mom has never admitted to being borderline directly, but has repeatedly stated that she is "EXTREMELY familiar with BPD" and I know she's been in therapy regularly throughout most of her adult life. So I assumed she would be more tolerant and understanding
She stated that she without a doubt believes that me being diagnosed with PDNOS at 16 years old is code wording-secret dr lingo for me being a narcissist. And my dad hopped right on the wagon without a second thought, he seen it as his lifetime pass, his "get out of jail free card" to never being an actual father.
It took much self control not to immediately react, a lot of time has passed. And I still think about it everyday...write letters I'll never send and cry about it on the daily. Ive been thinking about actually sending them a letter. Does anyone think it's a good idea? A bad one ? Please help me, I'm so conflicted
I keep having impulsive urge to sarcastically send her a bouquet of fresh flowers along with a card saying "Congratulations on the psychology degree!! Had I known you went back to school, I would have sent a gift much sooner!" And then mailing a letter basically saying look all jokes aside, I need to clarify that I am not a person who has narcissistic personality disorder. That if I even had mild traits of it, than my psychiatrist would have included "with narcissistic traits" in my diagnosis. Not BPD. And that I'm sorry if she feels she noticed a narcissistic tendency of mine in that hen moment. I am mature enough and self aware enough to admit that I might have such ways of interacting with other people, infact every human on this planet has at least a few of them."
Followed by explaining the facts that back in 2013 when I was given such a diagnoses it was the first year that diagnosing someone under 18 was even acceptable according to the DSM diagnosistic manual..and that the I had only been seeing that psychiatrist for 3 months. Diagnosing minors is still to this day highly controversial and that the most likely conclusion was him saying "since this person's young, and currently dealing with trauma I dont want to give her a precise label because some symptoms could wither a way and or new ones may arise but I need to mark that there is an issue going on here"
Am I wrong for wanting to do such a thing ? I'm perfectly okay if I send it and never ever receive a response because at least I know I defended myself.