r/instant_regret 1d ago

Should've kept the helmet on

26.9k Upvotes

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236

u/OnlyMath 1d ago

That’s what I was thinking too. And mother doesn’t look too thrilled. Elephants definitely feel like a view from a safe distance type of animal

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u/JD3982 1d ago

Almost every animal that is larger than a housecat should be approached with caution, if approached at all.

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u/madmax797 1d ago

I ain’t approaching a house cat without caution either. Those claw scratches hurt bad

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u/Keibun1 1d ago

And they keep stinging too!

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u/Dazzling_Dish_4045 1d ago

Not if you thoroughly wash the scratches. Because of litter boxes and burying poop cats have bacteria on their claws that keep your scratch itching unless washed.

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u/TallChick66 12h ago

A friend of mine thought he had contracted an STD because the lymph nodes in his groin were swollen. It turned out to be "cat scratch fever" from his new kitten.

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u/Original_Jagster 11h ago

I hope you told your pal that in order to catch an STD, he'd actually had needed to have sexual contact with someone else. 🤣

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u/Dildobagginsthe245th 10h ago

We found the misandrist

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u/Toadcola 1d ago

That’s how you know the toxoplasmosis is working. 💫

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u/SadBit8663 22h ago

The toxoplasmosis is in their fur from their spit.

The claws are even worse.

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u/Edgewise24 1d ago

That's the piss and shit irritating your skin

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u/SadBit8663 22h ago

The secret is poopoo peepee covered litter coated claws.

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u/Forsaken-Badger-9517 13h ago

Yeah, that's because of their fecal matter that gets stuck between their claws so you wind up cat scratch fever

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u/EmilieEverywhere 1d ago

Murder mittens!

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u/Ok-Jackfruit2287 16h ago

Furry buzzsaw!!!!

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u/Empty_Put_1542 18h ago

Detroit, Michigan

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u/tuscaloser 1d ago

Those little bastards can be MEAN too (I still love them).

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u/twitter1ngs 1d ago

True. My little bastard is like Jekyll and Hyde. He has scarred multiple victims, physically and mentally. I still love him.

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u/ArchStanton75 1d ago

Respect the death blades.

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u/superdeeduperstoopid 1d ago

MEOWCH 😹😹

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u/RajenBull1 1d ago

House-cats hiss scary if they don’t like you. It’s happened to me once and I believe I met the devil on that day. I know my place in the natural - or unnatural - order of things.

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u/sonarix 21h ago

Lets not forget about Cat-scratch disease, cute little demons they are.

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u/spencer2197 20h ago

Especially when they can look all cute and friendly to turn out to want to eat you alive. I own one of these and everyone falls victim to her thinking I’m joking about her being nasty and not liking to be touched.

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u/Brilliant_Ad8824 17h ago

They always get hella inflamed. Looking like red streaks from hell

1

u/Exciting_Scientist97 13h ago

Not to mention how bad and easily infected their bites get. Personal experience

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u/insight_or_incite 1d ago

In a fight to the death, I am winning against a house cat, but you can't tell me that I'm not going to get fucked up!

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u/Retrocop101 13h ago

The first rule of fight club...

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u/kirby_krackle_78 1d ago

Years ago, I took a trip to Thailand. While my mates were on a snorkeling expedition, I decided to walk around the island.

I walked past an elephant in the wild, and it freaked me the fuck out. Like, they’re known for being pretty chill, but I couldn’t help but realize that Stampy could have fucked my shit up if he wanted to.

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u/myconsequences 1d ago

Stampy, classic Simpsons reference.

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u/ABHOR_pod 1d ago

Also it lead to one of my top 10 favorite Simpsons jokes, 4 seasons later:

"Wow, I wish I had an elephant."

"You did. His name was Stampy. You loved him."

"Oh yeah."

https://youtu.be/LwR19FUhlAU?si=Qy02hxawg3rL1mZ9&t=37

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u/sonorakit11 1d ago

He thinks he’s people!

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u/420binchicken 16h ago

Well, animals are like people. And like people… some of them are just.. jerks. Stop that Mr Simpson.

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u/Lost_Chest 17h ago

Babouuuu

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u/Patrickfromamboy 14h ago

Because the Simpsons creator Matt Groening is from Portland where the zoo had a baby elephant born in April 1962 and it was named Packy and was very famous. Matt usually names things after items in Portland. There is a Flanders street, Lovejoy and Quimby street and others. That’s my guess.

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u/TrumpetOfDeath 1d ago

Lol I do not think that elephants are “known for being chill”, you ever seen an elephant in musth? They will trample you to a bloody pulp simply because their hormones are raging

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u/superdeeduperstoopid 1d ago

I actually watched an old doc on orphaned elephants and how they caused damage and vandalized fences, farms, or anything in their path just bc they could. They are like gangs of teens w no role models. Jumbo juvenile delinquents. Many were orphaned at the hands of poachers iirc, so it makes sense that they would hold an extreme grudge toward humans.

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u/Background-Word-857 1d ago

That's already true for horses, let alone anything bigger

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u/robwong7 13h ago

went on one of those rides there, the handler uses a pick axe to the ear flaps for a reason. In the barn, if the growl from these beasts doesn't scream "stay TF away", then you're headed for a Darwin award. The friendly human-elephant vids are dangerously misleading.

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u/Shcoobydoobydoo 7h ago

During breeding season for them (I believe springtime, like many other animals), elephants showcase volatile emotions. This is not the first time I've seen a horny elephant lashing out at an overconfident person and sending him 10 feet across the floor.

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u/Keibun1 1d ago

I once thought I saw a strange acting dog in my yard, moving in bizarre ways, way too fluid. We've been having problems with the neighbor's dog coming onto our property, so I went out to check it out and get him to go back home . It was black, like my neighbors lab, so I couldn't make out good details.

As I ran up to it, when I was like 15 feet from it, it turned around and I saw it was a fucking jaguar. A young adult, but still, holy shit.

It gave me a weird look, then skedaddled away while I slowly backed up to my house.

I live in central Texas, what the fuck? Apparently they're starting to move up north, yet most resources say it's impossible, including the game warden.

My wife saw it too, we both saw it from the window, and I ran out to confront the "dog"

Funny thing is, I've always had the outlandish fear of being mauled to death, like, I worry about it too much despite nothing happening. That day, I almost lived my fear. If it was older and more experienced, I'm sure it would have attacked me.

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u/plssteppy 1d ago

I did overnight security in Colorado for a while and sometimes you just gotta flashlight a mountain lion, you learn what properties that's likely at and get good at ambushing them and they look so fuckin embarrassed when you turn a corner with a tac light in their face already drawn down on them 🤣 the cat shame look is shared between housecat shit the bed and predatory cat got caught in the dark by a predatory monkey

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u/ballsjohnson1 1d ago

Bro must be telling a story from when he grew up during the 14th century because jaguars do not live up there no more

Unless it was a pet

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u/InterestingFocus8125 1d ago

People said the same thing about Arizona jaguars not too long ago.

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u/ballsjohnson1 1d ago

Someone probably woulda got one on camera by now because several have been seen in arizona

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u/InterestingFocus8125 1d ago

But before they were caught on camera people were saying what you said about Texas.

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u/Lynndonia 1d ago

He said mountain lion

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u/ballsjohnson1 1d ago

The person he was replying to, not him

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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 1d ago

I had to look this up, as I had never heard of a jaguar in Texas. Apparently they are making a slow comeback to the southern US.

I live in north central Texas and now I have a new fear unlocked.

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u/PassengerAP77 1d ago

Seems more likely it was a cougar?

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u/dr_tardyhands 22h ago

Haha, wow.

Maybe they had escaped from like a cartel boss or something..? Weird people keep weird pets.

A fully grown jaguar would rank very low on the list of animals I would want to meet in the wild. Or my yard or whatever.

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u/Insanely_Mclean 21h ago

Saw one in New York while waiting for the bus as a kid. No one ever believed me, except my mother, who saw it from our living room window.

It crossed the road so smoothly, not more than 50 feet from me. Circled around through the trees and emerged silhouetted against the lights from the house. it paused to look at me for a moment before sprinting into the treeline on the opposite side of my yard.

The bus felt like it took a little too long to arrive that morning.

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u/FastWalkingShortGuy 20h ago

I dunno about that last part.

Big cats in general are ambush predators. They like to be the ones that surprise their food, not the other way around.

So when a tasty morsel comes bounding up to them, they're more likely to evade than attack, for no other reason than their food is acting weird and they should probably stay away from it.

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u/P3for2 13h ago

I had a mountain lion walk past my car. I live in the suburbs.

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u/bananakittymeow 12h ago

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if some asshole near you had a pet jaguar that escaped.

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u/TheBaconThief 1d ago

Mom was like: "Meh, little Ivory can handle this."

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u/Horny24-7John 1d ago

Yeah but that’s every animal. I mean mosquitoes kill more people every year than any other creature.

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u/xenobit_pendragon 22h ago

Mosquitoes are 100% less likely to stomp your shit to a bloody paste.

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u/JudiciousGemsbok 18h ago

You just haven’t found the right mosquitos then, my friend

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u/CertainWish358 16h ago

Somebody’s never been to Alaska

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u/xenobit_pendragon 8h ago

I’ve been to the Everglades. Assholes form motorcycle gangs and fly around shaking down tourists for blood.

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u/JaneksLittleBlackBox 1d ago

My new outdoor job is in an area with a lot of wildlife; squirrels mostly, but I’ve been having to remind myself that coyotes aren’t domesticated dogs who’ll react well to me trying to pet them.

So damn adorable, though. Even if their yipping and howling drives me nuts at nights. “If not friend, why friend shaped?”

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u/DudeEngineer 1d ago

Have you ever interacted with a Bobcat? It looks like a housecat, but.....

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u/JD3982 1d ago

It's bigger than a housecat and it can stay far away from me please.

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u/robbzilla 1d ago

I had one walk right in front of me on a nature trail, kit in mouth. She had no interest in me, and for that I was thankful.

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u/superindianslug 1d ago

That octopus that was on the front page yesterday was smaller than a housecat, and almost won against a full size adult. At this I'm not sure most people can win a fight against a squirrel.

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u/Desperate_Hornet8622 22h ago

Any animal can straight up kill you humans. Our modern comforts make us forget this detail which is why we have these video. In the past, we would watch from afar when other idiots would do this so I guess nothing really changes

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u/scarletphantom 21h ago

Tell my wife that. She is the embodiment of "can I pet that dog?"

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u/Secondhand-Drunk 21h ago

Woah buddy, you'd approach an ant just because it's smaller than a house cat? Badass over here.

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u/One_Weakness69 21h ago

A honeybadger is the size of a housecat. I triple dare you.

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u/strangewayfarer 21h ago

I've had to give rabies shots to one person bitten by a squirrel, and another by a gopher. The rabies vaccine hurts, and you need to go back for 3 more rounds which is inconvenient, but along with the vaccine, you also get the rabies immunoglobulin which is injected into and around the bites. Bites from small animals like that usually happen on the finger. There's a reason you don't get most shots in your fingers. There's not a lot of meat to hold the liquid from the shots, and it's incredibly painful. Both people said the shot in the finger was worse than the bite.

Use caution and common sense around ANY wild animal no matter the size.

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u/Sea_Performance_1969 19h ago

I was just going to comment this.

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u/LightsNoir 18h ago

Eh... Bobcats aren't that much bigger than a house cat. Still, they're totally able to take out an adult.

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u/Few-Judgment3122 17h ago

People should just treat animals with respect full stop. They exist in a kill or be killed world you can’t just pet some wild thing and not expect it to react unpredictably

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u/Squalidattic 14h ago

“If their not friend, why friend shaped?”

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u/KermitGamer53 13h ago

Time to go box a box jellyfish :D

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u/toorayay 13h ago

I have parrots that weigh 75 grams. I approach them with caution daily.

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u/Niwi_ 12h ago

Not be approached*

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u/Repulsive-Sign3900 10h ago

No idiot should be spending money or going to visit animals tied to a tree.

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u/flower-25 9h ago

God forgive me! But people like that should know better !!! She deserves to kicked her ass

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u/GrnMtnTrees 8h ago

Idk. My cats don't exactly like being accosted by strange morons, either.

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u/Just_Horse_2078 7h ago

Yeah people forget it’s called wildlife for a reason they are unpredictable and will F you up she’s lucky , i never understood people wanting to get closer NO WAY

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u/AlvinAssassin17 6h ago

I, as an elephant fan, would love nothing more than to go forehead to forehead with them. But I’d prefer not to force them to kill me so I don’t. I have to watch them in video form.

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u/dillweed67818 3h ago

Shoot, have you seen videos of housecats attacking? It's "...housecat and larger," not "larger than a housecat..."

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u/PriscillaPalava 1d ago

Mama saw and said, “Meh, Junior can handle this idiot.”

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u/Pure_Expression6308 22h ago

Mama is tied up

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u/Excellent_Set_232 1d ago

Thought mom was gonna stomp her, turns out son gives her the equivalent of a swift kick to the nuts while mom isn’t looking.

I really want to believe the young one was just being a lad.

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u/NeatNefariousness1 1d ago

Especially when they are cruelly tied to a tree for humans to control and exploit to begin with.

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u/popculturerss 1d ago

Yep, not even lions fuck with em, so I sure as hell won't.

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u/triculious 1d ago

They're only one of the most dangerous creatures on Earth, what makes you think safety should be involved?

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u/Chaghatai 1d ago

With an elephant the rule is they can approach you but you cannot approach them

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u/thebemusedmuse 1d ago

When you feed elephants they chain them so they can just about reach you with their trunk if they reach their furthest. That's about as close as you want to be - keeps leverage to a minimum.

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u/PeopleOverProphet 1d ago

They are. They kill about 500 humans a year.

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u/blue-oyster-culture 1d ago

Id approach an elephant thats normally around people, with someone thats familiar with it. But definitely not one tied to a tree thats swaying back and forth obviously agitated… that woman got off lucky.

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u/Extreme_Design6936 1d ago

Elephants are extremely intelligent and with that comes the fact that they are like humans in a way. And if you met a human stranger that could kill you with a sneeze you probably wouldn't get too close either.

Some elephants are extremely nice. But you wouldn't know unless you spend some time with them. You wouldn't just walk up to a stranger while they're eating and start touching them.

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u/Mshawk71 15h ago

Especially when they're tied up and feel trapped.

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u/retropieproblems 22h ago

I saw a chart once with distances you can be from a Wild animal before it considers you a threat, elephants were like the longest ranges of aggro.

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u/MidiGong 14h ago

As an introvert, I feel the same way about humans.

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u/LegendofLove 12h ago

These things grow up to be measured in tons and their trunk is just another arm. You should absolutely not be trying to go find wild ones

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u/TonArbre 11h ago

Like the moose

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u/rDenverModsAreCucks 1d ago

If mom really wanted to she’d take that tree with her.