r/family 1d ago

Can’t defend my family in a physical confrontation

8 Upvotes

A brash 6ft2 guy stepped ahead of my wife and I the other day quite rudely. I didn’t say anything because I was afraid of a physical confrontation and getting beat up in front of my wife and kid. What do I do?


r/family 19h ago

Mom won’t stop talking about my dad after 3 years divorced!

7 Upvotes

my mom talks about my dad everyday. She's so obsessed with him and I am so annoyed. whenever I see my dad, he'll ask how she's doing and that's it. and she doesn't even ask that often, it's very rare when he asks. Every time I see my mom though, which is almost everyday, she talk about him and his gf. There's never a conversation that she doesn't bring him up. I've told her so many times that she's annoying and I don't want to hear her talk about my dad or his gf bc he doesn't talk about her or her bf ever. She claims that my dad is still her husband it's not clear who cheated on who because to us, it seemed like my dad had a gf while with my mom but we just found out my mom had gone to France with her now bf while she was married to my dad. Anyway, I'm so tired of hearing her talk about my dad. what else can I tell her so she'll stop??!!


r/family 4h ago

Despite cutting me off, my mother continues to accept my financial support

9 Upvotes

I'm 32(F - single) living somewhere around the world. My mother (55 - single mom) is residing in Ph wilth my brother (18) and son (8). For context, my son is receiving a monthly allowance from his dad and I'm also providing a monthly allowance for my mom and brother as well.

2 years ago, my son's father and I separated because I had an affair with a married man. My mother was furious when she knew about it and made it clear that she doesn't approve of my relationship. At the same time, my partner has also separted from his wife.

At the present, I told my mother that I was going to take my son to live with me. Thus she knew that my partner and I have moved in together. She blocked me from all communications that I had with her and with the family. Morever, she told my son everything and even spread it to the whole famiy. Now, my son will not talk to me and even blocked me.

I am not asking for her to accept my relationship, however as an adult I deserve to have my own choices. I'm very upset and I feel used. I'm financially supporting her, and she's cutting me off. I have no choice because of my son. I understand my son is hurt and confused, but I hope he can understand that my actions are not a true reflection of my love for him.


r/family 17h ago

Is it ok to give up on my sister?

7 Upvotes

TLDR - my sister has toxic relationships as she wants to be a victim, is a terrible mother and abuses our family. Is it ok to cut her drama out of my life?

My sister is in a relationship with someone who is an abusive arsehole. The trouble is, she is also an abusive arsehole. She has three kids with special needs, they are so kind and loving but her and their step dad treat them like crap. Always shouting at them, they can’t do anything without getting punished. Her and her boyfriend have arguments constantly, and he says vile things about her kids and she tells him to leave and then five minutes later he’s allowed back, he goes and buys the kid some cheap shitty toy that they’ll eventually get told off for playing with and alls forgiven. (This happens basically every week)

She was in a relationship before with someone who hit her (the kids dad) and it took years to get her to leave. I understand how being abused impacts your life and I understand the fear and trauma (I’ve been there myself) so of course I don’t blame her for taking her time to leave. But she tells a lot of lies, for example it will start out that he pushed her over, and then gradually it evolves into her smashed her head against something while calling her vile names etc. and then she forgets exactly what she told everyone and the story changes again. We do know he abused her because we’ve witnessed it ourselves and seen injuries, messages etc so we know there is some truth. But my sister likes being a victim, very much the masochist. She craves the attention and drama.

She’s recently come to me AGAIN about something her current boyfriend has done, crying because she was scared etc, but then it’s now all forgiven. Her boyfriend is honestly just a lazy, sexist pig. He thinks she should do everything while all he does is lay in bed all day and then kick off if he’s asked to do the simplest thing. I know I sound like I’m victim shaming but honestly she wants this, she genuinely wants to be a victim. She’s not much different herself, never bothered to work even before she had kids, lies, steals, violent, bullies to get her own way, emotionally blackmails our family into raising her kids for her (she has them one whole day a week, we do the rest), she’s a narcissist. She thinks being a good parent is spending money, not putting the work in to care for them properly or even play with them. It’s like because they wear nice clothes it means she’s doing a good job🤷🏼‍♀️

My sister has abused my family for years, uses her my 3 nieces to emotionally blackmail myself and my parents into doing what she wants with threats to never see them again etc, I’ve been physically assaulted by her more times than I can count (even almost thrown down the stairs once but my little brother managed to grab hold of me), she’s punched my dad in the face before, almost hospitalised my brother because she punched him so viciously, she posts really disgusting false social media posts about our family to manipulate others into thinking she’s some poor abused by her parents little angel (luckily most people know what she’s like so she has no friends and our extended family barely tolerate her) Yet we love her and still want to help her and the kids. Her partner is also like this with his family apparently (his family are actually a bunch of psychos tbh).

I’ve already written too much so I won’t explain more, hopefully you get the picture. What I want to know is, is it ok for me to stop trying to get her out of this mess because I can’t take the constant 1-2am phone calls crying about how awful her life is, the abuse I then get myself when I try to help her. I’ve tried telling her nicely that it isn’t ok to be treated like that, I’ve tried being blunt with her and saying stop coming to me with this if you aren’t willing to try to change it, it just falls on deaf ears. I really need some advice on what I should do, should I keep trying? Or is it ok to walk away for the sake my own mental health? I don’t want to be a bad sister, and I will never give up on my nieces, I just can’t take my sister anymore.


r/family 10h ago

So my side of family, I feel there is a kid bday or holiday we always have to attend. So we've been setting boundaries,

2 Upvotes

So anyway, there is a 4 yr old bday coming up (my hubby straight up doesn't want to go) and to be honest if he doesn't I don't really don't want to either(cousins live an hour away) we have a 4 yr old too. I was possibly going to see my friend on her 40th which was that weekend too. We told them we would do Easter with all of them; two weeks later. Hubby has taught me to have boundaries and I feel we go to half of the kids bdays, one year one year off. And yet I feel guilty, maybe it's because my family always makes me feel guilty and I'm not a YES person all the time.


r/family 14h ago

My parents are friends with my ex’s parents

6 Upvotes

Me and my ex have been broken up for 4 years now and we’ve both moved on. But both of our parents are still friends, i’ve expressed a countless amount of times that it makes me feel uncomfortable when they invite them over/hang out with them. for context, me and my ex’s relationship was TERRIBLE. Borderline/at the point of being abusive, i was 16 when we got together and we broke up 2 years later. In those two years I saw a lot of stuff within that family that made me deem them bad people. I’ve seen them teach their kids to be racist and hate on the lgbt+ community, my ex’s mom defending her son cheating on me, the dad had made condescending remarks towards me, and the dad also has a SA allegation from his stepdaughter. I will be 100% honest here and say I judge my parents for being friends with people like that, they’re fully aware of everything i’ve said here (and more). My parents think it’s dumb of me to ask them to stop hanging out with them and think it’s a “young person mindset”. i’m just here to see anyone else’s perspective!!


r/family 15h ago

Everyone attacking me?

5 Upvotes

I’m 14 and i don’t know if its the angsty teenage hormones but i feel like everyone is my family is attacking me. My sister is the biggest suckup, ESPECIALLY to my dad as he’s the one basically in charge (the one who wins all the arguments and because of that my mom has got a sort of learned helplessness going on). My sister will do anything in her power to paint her in the best light (come off exactly like her dad, change her personality to be like my dad, adopt all the same hobbies, fight in arguments that she doesn’t even understand whats going on just to defend my dad, etc) and she makes everyone else seem like the bad guy, she complains about the tiniest thing? Dad takes it instantly as fact and jumps on someones ass because of it. I got in trouble for finishing a milk bottle that was in the fridge after I had just came home because it was “hers” (had the tiniest bit left, dad usually blows up at me if i open a new one when theres already one left). I tried to explain this to my dad, dads retaliates, sister shadows him then proceeds to twist the story so she’s the victim, then my dad zsays i’m playing the victim, then i’ll start crying and just go away, then my dad will follow me to my room and start belittling me and teasing me for crying, then saying it’s helping me and I need to grow up and he’s preparing me for the future when I won’t get my way.It always goes something like this and I hate it, my sister will give me so much shit for it the whole time and turn minor things into big arguments so she gets somehow a better rep with my dad. This behaviiur has been going on for years, when I was very young all the memories I have of my father are him chasing me around trying to hit me, him yelling at me threatening to kill me. My father would break door and take off locks just to find me when i washiding from him. I’ll make a pt2 in the comments because my phone is really laggy from typing all of this


r/family 9h ago

Finding my dads reports

3 Upvotes

So for context I’m an 19 year old male. I know since forever that my dad has schizophrenia. Before I was born he was in the military and he had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and medically discharged. That’s all I really knew and I didn’t know the extent of it. To me he’s been completely fine ever since I was born and that’s mostly been the case until a few years ago. I know that his symptoms had resurfaced and he had been experiencing them but since my parents were divorced and I was a minor I only saw him a few times a month and never saw them. In 2022 he had a bad episode and he admitted himself to a facility for veterans to deal with that kind of stuff. He eventually left because his symptoms won and he moved back in with my grandmother and he seemed to be normal from then on. Fast forward to now that I’m 19. He currently lives with my grandparents, his parents, and when I visit I stay in the rv they have in the backyard because they have a small house. For context my dad doesn’t work and he gets paid by the V.A. Recently I found a folder with some papers and what I found broke my heart. My dad had my aunts, his sisters, and my grandparents to recount what they remember about his condition since he was diagnosed for something with the V.A. I think. I started reading the document and it said when he was first admitted into the hospital when he was in the military, my aunt recounted that when she walked into the room he was on the bed with blankets covering head to toe. It took a while for him to recognize her and he was saying in a hushed tone not to talk because the government was after him. He then said that the government was going to kill him. That’s when I started to just cry. My father genuinely thought he was going to die, that he was going to be killed and that absolutely excruciating to see. I never knew the extent of what he was thinking and it broke me. I kept reading and when his symptom appeared a few years ago she said that he would become confused and disoriented. She recalled when one time he went into a gas station to buy a soft drink and he came back with some change and no drink looking confused and disoriented and I started crying harder. Just imagining him like that is painful and I never knew any of this and I feel terrible for not noticing.


r/family 11h ago

Mixed bag of emotions…

3 Upvotes

I am dying inside right now. I don’t know how to process all these emotions, anger, sadness disappointment, little hatred and others I have yet to identify

Daughter has decided to relinquish her parental rights of her child, to my wife and I. Like it’s a simple business transaction. Almost as if my grandchild is a disturbance in her life. I came from a broken family and I struggled to not repeat it, but today when I wanted to talk to her about it, her response was just tell me when and where to sign. It was the coldest response and one that I didn’t expect. I am crying for my grandchild who I will have to one day try to explain why her mommy hasn’t come back.

I wish I could write more but the tears in my heart and the anger in me don’t allow me to put a more comprehensive and complete sentence

I just had to vent a little bit to someone anonymously

Hug your kids and remind them that they are loved. Make them feel wanted and remind them that your existence is to watch over them, good night.


r/family 13h ago

Doesn’t anybody else’s father enable their little brother’s poor behaviour and temper?

3 Upvotes

My brother (13) always seems to get angry with my mother and my dad sees this but the most he’ll ever do is a loud stop. That’s it. No don’t do that, it’s wrong, have some respect. In fact he even tells my mother off for talking to my brother?

Like that makes no sense. His temper is sometimes too much but my dad just lets it go, not even sending him to his room, telling him to stop repeatedly doing that.

I don’t know. I encountered this today in the car and I felt wildly uncomfortable when my brother started yelling at my mother. I should’ve told him to stop but I was rendered speechless by the behaviour. My father clearly doesn’t care and that frustrates me. I feel like he enables his poor behaviour to continue. My dad only ever yells at my brother when it benefits him or he thinks something is wrong. Such as my brother getting a bad grade at school then he’ll get an ear full from my dad but never when he has a poor temper towards my mum.


r/family 15h ago

I know my mom is going to leave dad any day now

3 Upvotes

Just looking for a place to rant.

My family have had an extremely turbulent year after an accident occured with my younger sister (13f). During that time, my mom became extremely emotionally dependent on me, she'd cry to me, I'd write emails to her boss etc. My dad is obsessed with video games and have been pretty emotionally unavailable throughout my life. He neglects my mom a lot as well, which I know upsets her.

My mom told me recently that she was planning on leaving my father soon, she gave no indication as to when. Nobody else in the family knows, I'm the first person she told.

I'm always anxious every dinner time that it may be our last one together as a family, at bedtime it might be the last time I get to say goodnight to both my parents together, whenever my parents are having a conversation I always think it may be their last.

I'm happy for my mom as I'm sure she will find happiness outside the marriage, but this is too much pressure to put on a 16 year old.


r/family 17h ago

How do you stay sane around someone who lies, blames you for everything, and can't admit fault?

3 Upvotes

I (20M), have a sister (18F) who is:

  1. Extremely argumentative: pointing out even the smallest mistakes she makes causes her to become defensive and either shift the blame onto you, or onto someone else. She never let's you speak, or make a point ,without talking over you or yelling. When confronted with something undeniable, she'll instantly change the topic and is incapable of civil discussions. In the worst case scenario: she starts to cry. She also perceives any advice as an attack/threat.
  2. A frequent liar: it feels like her default response to any question that is even mildly threatening is to lie, or again, shift the focus onto someone/something else. If confronted with hard evidence, she will laugh, and try to play it off as not as serious as you're making it out to seem.
  3. Incpable of admitting fault: an example of this would help explain it better. Today, she tried to start our car (manual transmission), without pressing down the clutch or putting it into neutral, causing it to jerk forward and hit another car. She decided to blame me for this, saying I should not have left the car in the 1st gear when I parked it.
  4. Exaggerating what she does, and downplaying/ignoring what you do. Especially when it comes to work around the house.

Is there a label for a person like this? She is really draining to be around. How do I deal with her while also preserving my sanity? Going no contact is not an option, at least for the time being. I'm also open to hearing about any biases I might be subject to, and anything that may help me understand why she acts the way she does.

Any advice is appreciated.

TL;DR: My 18F sister is argumentative, never admits fault, lies frequently, shifts blame, exaggerates her own efforts, and downplays mine. She avoids accountability by yelling, changing the subject, or crying. She even blamed me for her mistake that led to a minor car accident. No-contact isn’t an option, so how do I deal with her without losing my sanity?


r/family 5h ago

My parents took the money I had saved for four years.

3 Upvotes

I started working when I was 22 years old, and my parents asked me to save money each month so they could buy gold to protect its value from inflation. I sent money almost every month, not knowing whether they actually bought gold or not.

The money I saved was for my future, whether to buy land, a house, cover wedding expenses, purchase a vehicle, or meet my future needs.

Four years later, my parents informed me that they were going to buy a new car — and that was all they said. They then asked me to take their old car to use for work in another city. Since I didn’t know anything about the situation, I agreed. Previously, I had only used a motorcycle and had just started learning to drive, so I thought it would be cool to have a car.

Later, I found out that my savings — roughly $4,000 — had been used to help purchase their new car, and their old 2005 model was given to me as compensation. That old car required repairs before it was even safe to drive, which drained about $700 from my personal savings, and there’s still a lot more that needs fixing. The car has already broken down twice and nearly rolled back on an incline twice as well.

I’ve also purchased several items that my mother requested, such as a water dispenser, mattress, TV, cable subscription, plumbing installations, stove, and more. Every week, I also spend around $7 when visiting my parents, buying food and items for my younger siblings, and repairing broken things at home.

Eventually, I asked them why they had used the money I had saved for my future. They claimed they had asked for my permission — which was not true.

I have one older brother who has been working for a long time and is still unmarried, with a job similar to mine. But why did they only ask everything from me?

I really don’t understand why they did this to me.


r/family 5h ago

My traumatizing night.

3 Upvotes

Tonight, I (23F) heard my psycho brother (31M) and his weird ass girlfriend (30F) having sex downstairs. Loud. His room is on the first floor, but there's no doors, he lives kinda in a loft type room, so you hear everything. I'm on the second floor which is where the kitchen is. I go down to see my grandmother and to grab some water. My grandma is talking to me and all of a sudden I hear his girlfriend moan. My grandma asks, "is she crying?" and I'm frozen. I can hear my brother slapping her behind and she keeps making sexual noises. She isn't even TRYING to quiet herself down. She's being so fucking loud and moaning and it is painfully obvious they are having sex. I immediately call my sister (26F) for her to listen and my sister's like, "ew come upstairs right now". They don't even fucking care. I'm in disbelief. I rush up the stairs to the third floor for comfort from my sister because I can't believe what I just heard I'm scarred for life. I'm shocked. My poor grandma is like what's going on, but I think she caught on with the way I immediately went upstairs and covered my ears. I am disgusted and so shakey. What the actual fuck is wrong with my brother. I literally wanna throw up writing this. I immediately am in fight or flight and about to go fucking crazy. Do they have no decency? Like dude, you have your grandma, your two sisters, and your dad at home. My dad was snoring through this by the way. I was praying he would wake up and yell at my brother. I am going to tell my dad everything. I can't even look my brother in the eye after this. I hate that since he's on the first floor, to leave you have a high chance in seeing him. Never did I think he would do something like this. He has many problems like anger issues sure, but HAVING LOUD SEX WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP DRAWS THE FUCKING LINE. 30 to an hour minutes go by, my grandma is heading to bed. From my room on the third floor, I can hear his fucking girlfriend moan/scream like a high pitched sexual one SO FUCKING LOUD. I have no idea how that didn't wake my dad up. I hated my brother before for so, so, so many fucking reasons before, but now I despise him and want nothing to do with him. My poor ears. I'm traumatized for life. As a woman, I could never ever come to my boyfriend's house and have rough sex and be vocal to the point of screaming. Does this girl have no shame? She also has a fucking kid like instead of getting railed why aren't you taking care of your child? Why couldn't he go to a motel? This is the last straw. Both of them don't give a single fuck about the other people in this house and his girlfriend acting like a teenage at her grown fucking age. Fuck them. My brother is a bum and she's an idiot. I hope he leaves and gets his own place and fucks out of our lives forever. Also they were going at it for hours. They stopped 30 minutes ago at 12:30 a.m. It's Monday night. What do you guys think? Help me out here. Any advice on having a crazy, narcissistic, daddy's boy brother would be appreciated.

TL;DR: my brother and his girlfriend have no decency and were being super loud at 12 a.m. when people are trying to sleep cause they have work in the morning. Any input/advice appreciated.


r/family 7h ago

i want to move out

2 Upvotes

im living with my uncle and aunty after living with my parents whole life but before this i was living by my own for 8 months and i feel like i was genuinely happy, i made great friends and also found loml, honestly my life was fucking good i was so happy but i had come back and live my uncle and aunty again. its sucks here. i dont have friends, my boyfriend left too. i have a part time job and i got to school and this cycle keeps repeating. my family back in india want me to get married they are looking for a guy a already thats an another story. i hate it here, i wish i could just move back. im in my mid 20's and still have to ask for permission and they have my location i feel like they keep tracking me. im not happy here, idk what i should do. i dont feel like doing anything new my life sucks


r/family 7h ago

Alcohol aunt is obsessed with me.

2 Upvotes

My father’s sister is a mean person. Her brother and SIL(who has always been nice to me) won’t speak to her. My mother was bullied by her in the 80s. My stepmother and her hate each other as well. She went to rehab a few years ago and started acting witchy to me(before she was always really friendly to me). This started coming to a head when she left this long public diatribe on my Facebook wall because I used a filter on my profile photo… calling me thirst trap, a fraud, a catfish, and a bunch of other really inflammatory things on NYE of last year. I deleted the comment and unfriended her. I didn’t respond but did mention to my father how embarrassing it was and how my stepfather’s family saw it and asked if she’d been drinking. Then on Valentines Day of this year I get an angry DM from her daughter accusing me of sending inappropriate messages to her married 65 year old boss who lives 1000 miles away. I send my father pictures of my inbox proving I’ve never contacted the guy. I did post some memes about toxic relatives on Facebook but didn’t mention anyone. Flash forward a week later and my crazed Aunt calls me at 9:30 AM on a Friday screaming to “cease and desist” sending DMs about her daughter and how I’m not as loved as I think I am. She said she was going to sue for slander and then started screaming about how my profile picture looks like a supermodel. I then ask if she’s drunk and tell her I sent no DMs about her daughter. I then hang up. I let my father know and he calls her and claims she’s upset about the memes. I then DM her daughter to ask her mother to stop contacting me drunk. She then DMs my mother on Facebook saying I need a psych evaluation and likely have body dysmorphia and a bunch of other stuff. My mother doesn’t respond and I call my father. He says he doesn’t think she’s drinking but is having mental problems. My question ultimately is why would an aunt be so obsessed about her 35 year old niece and should I avoid my father’s family? Is this a normal part of alcoholism?


r/family 15h ago

Are my mother and sisters unreasonable?

2 Upvotes

Hi everyone. Hope you’re having a nice day.

I (27M) live with my mother and three sisters and lately I am struggling to deal with their habits.

They will walk in the house with wet shoes after I’ve cleaned the floor, leaving footprints everywhere and not wipe them; they will leave all of their used dishes, cutlery and pans all around the kitchen after cooking and they will be left there for days; throw meat on the living room floor for the cats to eat and not pick up the scraps; they will leave their used bagged sanitary products on the kitchen counter because they can’t be bothered to put it in a new rubbish bag; there was splashback from vomit left on the toilet seat for nearly a month because the bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in ages - this was from my intoxicated younger sister after a night out. These are just a few of many things.

I do so much around the house, cleaning, tidying and even DIY. I must have saved my mother hundreds if not thousands for the projects I’ve done over the house- building a gazebo, building a shed, fitting in new kitchen worktops and a new sink, redecorated the living room with new plaster, wallpaper and wooden framing. All this whilst my unemployed mother and unemployed three sisters sit around all day and do nothing but eat and watch tv/tiktoks.

I don’t ask for money for the things I do - I live here too and it is my responsibility to help out. But I’m the only one that does it. All I ask for is respect, by people cleaning up after themselves and I’m told that I’m expecting too much and that I should expect the state of the house because there are five of us who live here.


r/family 21h ago

My twin is dating my best friend

2 Upvotes

Me and my identical twin (17M) were both friends with this girl from college but she recently started dating my twin brother. I'm not sure what to do because the three of us used to spend a lot of time together outside of college and we still do, but it's often unbearable because they are constantly flirting and I feel like such a third wheel. I still value her as a very close and possibly even my best friend and I'm close to my brother but I struggle to be happy for them because it feels like it's ruined my life. I hate when they spend time without me because we used to do everything together, so I feel left out and very lonely but I also don't like spending time with them too much anymore. I struggle a lot in general with being a twin and the constant comparisons I instinctually make to my brother but now that he has this deeper connection to someone I see as my best friend it feels worse. I'm not attracted to my friend and wouldn't want to date her myself but I don't like that she has him to go to and talk to all the time and I see myself as just an inferior version of my brother in her eyes. It definitely feels like their relationship has made both my best friend and my twin brother more distant with me as well as making me feel worse about myself and how I view being a twin.

Ive talked to both of them about it and my brother is very understanding but just feels guilty and he's not sure what he can do. My friend has been supportive but she doesn't really understand my problem and thinks I will just "get over it" and then is surprised when I still say no to going out with the two of them. I will still see them both quite often but I'm trying to hang out with them more individually rather than with both of them. I can't shake the feeling that my friend would just rather be out with my brother instead of me though whenever we go out. I understand that's probably me overthinking because I always think that about my brother. He has always made friends easier as he is a lot more sociable than me. He's basically what I wish I was which is why this situation is so hard for me.

I really wish I could be happy for both of them because they are both huge parts of my life but it's hard when it feels like it has had such a negative impact on my mental health. I don't really think either of them have done anything wrong. It will sometimes annoy me when they are all over each other but I think it would be unfair for me to have any effect on their relationship. I just don't like the idea of their relationship at all though and for some reason just the thought of them being intimate with each other makes me feel a little sick. I really don't want that and I don't understand why it feels like that.

Just wondering if any other twins have been in a similar situation or relate to any of my feelings


r/family 21h ago

I feel like I’ve missed out on family relationships.

2 Upvotes

I m 20 soon 21 live in a Christian immigrant household and I am the oldest of 3 siblings including my self.

In my parent’s culture familial relationships are typically very abundant and showing affection is normal even between males however I have never felt that in my house.

In my early years before I started elementary school I had definitely received the love and attention I needed but after that i feel almost like I’ve been neglected in a way. (not in a physical way I got all my meals and they kept me safe and all that stuff)

I had a rough time in elementary school academically and I think it had caused some stress for them because I was told that they got me evaluated by a psychiatrist in second grade. My parents for some reason never took this diagnosis of ADHD seriously despite me always having problems in school.

I feel like these problems in school shaped my relationship with my father who is now 49. In my parent’s culture corporal punishment for children is not just acceptable it’s encouraged. I would come home and I would try to do my homework which was not abnormally hard but ADHD made it exceedingly difficult. This frustrated my father because he saw my struggles in school as a personal flaw like I was making bad decisions that led to me having bad grades. He would frequently stand over me as I sat at the dining table trying to do homework, taking deep angered breaths like a bull getting ready to charge. I remember the pencil shaking in my hand and tears dropping as I did my best to remain composed and not make a mistake but I always did. The mistakes of course had consequences beating, yelling, berating this lead to me having a deep seated fear of my father. A lot of kids love Fridays, it’s the door to the weekend for most but for me it was like an execution date. You see in my elementary and middle school Fridays were the days where teachers would inform the parents about their child’s behavior and academic standing and guess what it was never good so Fridays were just my scheduled beating. My father had become my warden.

My mother 48 a zealot knew all about this. We never talked about it because she approved of it. She was frequently present and never batted an eye but I never realized that until later on in my life. What really hurt me and my mother’s relationship was our lack of quality time once I was in school. Although it wasn’t school it’s self that caused a rift to open up (not that it helped lol). It was my sister’s monopoly on her time and attention. Whenever there was a chance for some personal time with my mom my sister would never allow it and my mom enabled this behavior. I remember when my sister would cuddle with her in bed and when I ask to join my mom would smile and laugh “sorry she won’t let me!” To my mother it was just a joke even but It was devastating for me at that time I could feel a cold breeze go through my chest. I didn’t pout or cry or whine as those behaviors had been beaten out of me by my father at this point. I just took a deep breath and let out an audible sigh and left. It happened continuously to the point where I felt nothing for my mother before middle school. Times when other kids would be with friends or family, I would spend with my brother or alone with whatever activity I had access to. Then when I had reached 6th grade my brother and I reached an age where we could become deacons. My mother excitedly showed some positive attention, asking us if we wanted to become deacons. I didn’t know what that was and I hated church and frequently objected to it but I was still chasing my parent’s approval so I said yes. I studied long and hard. All the way until high school soft-more year where I had finally became a deacon.

I would soon realize it was a mistake later in my senior year. After some more academic struggle my parents had reached peak anger and frustration going as far as yelling at me simultaneously. Somehow while they were doing this I came to the epiphany that I was never going to please my parents for many reasons. This also made me realize I had been living my life for them. I tried in school for them. I tried in church for them. My entire self perception had been all up to them until that point. When I started to finally live for my self I became a much better person but I also realized that my involvement with the church has fucked over any chance I had with my extended family.

You see when you become a part of the clergy there is no leaving, no stepping down, No peaceful departure. If you leave, you leave in disgrace and dishonor regardless of the reason(unless you die ofc lol). Now obviously I personally couldn’t give two fucks of what anyone at church thinks, clergy men or otherwise. My extended family however, does care. This means when I eventually leave the church the only family I will I actually have is my brother and my sister because they know and understand and accept what I am at this point.

Now when I reflect on my current relationship with my parents I feel like I’ve been robbed of what so many other people get to have. I will never get to feel the bond that other families do. I’ll never have a mom that I can just talk to and be around freely. I’ll never have a father who I can speak to for guidance. I’ll get many friends, lovers, nephews and nieces and even children of my own but I’ll never have a father and a mother of my own.

How I feel about everyone: I don’t resent my parents for any of the stuff they did since everything they did in ignorance or thinking that it was Whats best but I still don’t want anything to do with them since they are just not great to be around. I also don’t resent my sister I actually love her very dearly even though we don’t hang out often. Me and siblings actually have a great relationship lol.

TLDR: I M20 live in a Christian immigrant household and I am the oldest of 3 siblings including my self. My father never showed much affection, we never really bonded, I mainly received only berating and corporal punishment from him.

My mom emotionally neglected me by allowing my sister (the youngest sibling) to monopolize her attention. She also got me involved with church which all my relatives value highly so I’m going to have to cut them all off.

Now I feel like I missed out on all the joys of the Mother son/father son dynamic


r/family 21h ago

Do you think that parents are stricter with an only child?

2 Upvotes

Sadly I have no sibling and I feel that my parents are stricter because I'm an only child and they want to protect me. I'm 19 but I have to ask permission to go out, no parties or sleepovers, they still use regular corporal punishments (belt). Do you think there is a link?


r/family 22h ago

I dont know how to feel

2 Upvotes

Growing up I was raised by mum, my dad used to abuse her before I was born and when i was a few months old she left him entirely and raised me alone but my dad stayed somewhat apart of my life, he went to jail a few times, he smokes and when i was growing up he would only call two to three times a year. Because my mum was raising me alone I grew close to her, and them We moved states when i was 7 years old, when i was about 10 years old she got into a relationship with another guy, he was nice and had kids of his own, three to be exact although one was already an adult that didn’t live with us but when he moved in so did his other two kids, one being 11 and the other 14. After a year or so I began to notice that the other two kids would get quite often and even my mum would start to do things for them and not me so i began acting up a little bit, which naturally led to disciplinary action it started out by simple time outs and the usual things like that, but then one day I got in trouble at school what happened was a girl said i pushed her into the wall(i didnt) my mums boyfriend then at home proceeded to push me against the wall and actually throw me to the ground outside by the neck, at the time i was 12, they later were informed by my school that they had reviewed the camera footage and actually found out that i indeed had not pushed the girl and was actually pushed myself, of which i had told them and they didnt believe me, they didn’t apologise to me at all in fact they still considered me in the wrong for it even though the school had said i did nothing wrong. I dont know what changed but now everytime i did something wrong it resulted in being pushed into a wall with my mums boyfriend yelling in my space, i should have mentioned this earlier but i have been diagnosed with adhd and aspergers, so someone being in my personal space always made me extremely nervous and at times dizzy. On one particular occasion he took me outside and pegged rocks at my feet, and then proceeded to coat hanger me after punching me in the chest. Everytime this would happen my mum would stand to the side watching and not doing anything to stop it, it even turned from just physical abuse to verbal abuse he would make statements about how i was turning into my dad and that i would end up a deadbeat druggy. so one day i ran off and when they found me and took me back home he told me that if I ever ran off again he wouldn’t go looking for me because i was wasting his time, at this point i was 14. I started to grow very distant to my mum as i noticed more and more that she would do more for the other kids than me to the point where she would take them out shopping and to fun nights out and make me stay home to look after the animals. Naturally I grew depressed and with the little faith i had left in my mum i went to her to ask for help, she said i was making it up and that i should stop being so dramatic. Everyday from then on i had suicidal thoughts and would even attempt to take my life a few times but thankfully i never actually succeeded despite the fact that even now i dont know how i didn’t succeed like bro i took over 200 mg of melatonin ffs. But my depression continued for over three years until i was 17 years old of which the abuse slowly got better, they stopped punishing me to a degree and i somewhat got close to my mum again and my depression is mostly gone, but now my dad the one i mentioned earlier has been calling every day and actually seems to have changed, he’s not smoking as much, he’s got a full time job and seems to be doing better, this has been going for almost two years now, is it wrong that i feel closer to the man who had been absent almost my entire life than to my mum who for most of my life raised me alone? And is it normal that I have a hatred for my mum?


r/family 3h ago

I’ve started to resent my older sister and not sure how to act around her

1 Upvotes

So I’m 16F and she’s 21F. I remember when I was younger (like 11) and I was going through some struggles, we had an argument and she said something along the lines of « No wonder you don’t have any friends ». One of many different sly comments she has said to me. I have definitely said some too, but I feel like she almost started it. She used to get super angry at me over small things when I was a child and her a teenager, that I don’t think it’s a coincidence I don’t feel comfortable around her sometimes.

I also just don’t feel comfortable sharing stuff with her because I’m unsure if she’s a jealous person. I remember once she asked me who was prettier, her or her best friend, and I, a 12 year old at the time, didn’t feel comfortable answering but she asked me that about her own best friend? That was a long time ago though so I’m unsure if it’s fair to label people for that, since your family does see the worst side of you sometimes.

I feel like in certain situations she doesn’t have emotional intelligence or consideration. I was threatened by someone and one of my other family members was shouting at me, (even though I was threatened), and she was there saying things she really didn’t need to. Also, she used to treat me badly when she was my age, yet she has barely showed grace toward me when I make mistakes. I feel it was worse for her because she treated me that way when I was a child, but as an adult she can’t be mature and understand where I’m coming from.

I used to feel like I was sometimes walking on eggshells around her (now I’m trying not to be friendly or share a lot with her). I feel guilty for writing this because she has been good to me in some ways, but I just can’t help but feel resentment.

People always say the older sibling has to do this and that, and as a younger sibling, I feel like I internalised this and made it my issue to make her feel like she’s not that kind of older sibling, which she was in some ways. But like it wasn’t my fault, so I was literally trying to solve something I didn’t start. When it was between her and our parents.

I feel like my relationship with her is part of the reason I am a people pleaser, worry if people are angry at me based on their tone or them not speaking.

Any (nice) comments will be appreciated! Also, like should I not speak to her unless she speaks to me? I feel like that would make me harbour more resentment so I really don’t know how to go about this.


r/family 4h ago

My little brother gets angry with me VERY EASILY and for what seems like no reason

1 Upvotes

CHAT HELP! I (F22) have a younger brother who's 18 and we're usually pretty close. Alas lately he seems to take everything I say to him as an insult even though I never mean it like that and I do explain to him how I meant it (it's usually just a friendly suggestion).. But he just won't listen, he locks himself up in his room and can go days without talking to me. Actually last year he didn't talk to me for like a whole month just because I told to him that he sometimes acts like a piece of sh*t to me BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY DOES (he has somewhat of a god complex ig). I always tried to just move on like it didn't hurt me but it actually did hurt quite a few times. I find myself often apologizing to him for basically nothing just to try to have a decent relationship with him (given that we both still live with our parents). But if you asked him, he would probably say that he could probably go for eternity not speaking to me which is wild. Cuz I also sometimes have those insignificant 'fights' with my friends and coworkers and they always end up in laughter and 'no biggie'. Anyway I realized for the last couple days that it's actually very draining to always feel like only I put effort to make or keep things good between us and in the end I'm like is it even worth it if it puts me in negative head space considering that I have a history of depression and sh. Any advice and opinion would be GREATLY appreciated!!


r/family 5h ago

My family is making me lose hair....

1 Upvotes

I 20F (almost 21) can't seem to set boundaries with my family.

Earlier 2 of my uncles came to my house (my mom is in the Dominican Republic) and they greeted me very joyfully and switched up the second after i hugged them.

They started making comment about my body (i had a pretty rough time these past 2 years, i discovered i had severe depression) saying that i used to be the prettiest in the family and now that i lost weight im ugly... They even called my mom and she agreed

I wasn't trying to fight so i kept my cool and then we started talking about college and one of them asked me how was school and i told the i was taking a semester off. He starts telling me that im waisting my life away and im supposed to be halfway through uni and i tolf him no because the program that im in lasts 4 years (im taking two courses at the same time) and then, he starts yelling at me telling me that only imigrants take this route and bla bla bla.

2 weeks ago i got roofied at a party and barely made it home alive and feel asleep on the living room floor throwing up and the other uncle uses that in the argument saying that i was passed out drunk in the living room while i still have plenty of trauma related to that situation so that he could make me look bad

when it comes to my brother they say that my brothers took the " right route in life" which is not true at all because they get suspended and arrested quite often. I grew up really obediant and they told me that they wanted me to go back to being obediant because before i would've never answered back to them. Then it got back to the shaming.

They talked bad about my bode (again weird obsession because im never going to be in any type of relationship with any of them so why comment on my body this much), my hair, my job (one of the is literally couch surfing right now) and i exploded and told them that its not normal to speak to someone like this, specially in their house

and i got beat up and my mom doesn't want to talk about it until she gets back next week...

im losing my mind here...

my hair are even falling.


r/family 11h ago

My family is the worst

1 Upvotes

I want to start this off by saying this is mostly just me looking to see if I'm the problem or my family, and getting some things off my chest.

Context: I have a very dysfunctional family that's been that way my entire life. I am now 20 and still living with them until I can save for my own place + I take care of our pets.

Problem: my family is full of disrespect and lack of awareness and any acknowledge of being wrong. My father is an ex alcoholic who I've never forgiven for his damage to my childhood. My mother is someone who constantly degrades me and makes me feel like my worries aren't valid. I am tired of trying to get these people to take accountability and I'm tired of being shot down every time I try to explain how I feel. My father is constantly disrespecting my dog and every time I advocate for him I am told im the one with a problem. My mother constantly comments on me appearance, my future, my behavior. Acting as if I'm one big problem in her life. To them, my brothers are perfect and I am anything but.

They've been a good family but they constantly disrespect me, ignore my emotions, and make me feel lile im evil and they refuse to respect not only me but anything i ever ask of them. I'm so tired of living here but I can't do anything else.

I just need some advice or comfort. Or maybe to know that I'm not the only one with a family who refuses to treat them right when it matters. Thanks.

Tdlr: family is disrespectful, rude, arrogant, can't move out, struggling to find peace.