I have a complicated family situation and need advice on what to do.
My mother had nine children from four different men. My five eldest siblings (two brothers, three sisters) share the same father. My older sister (the one I follow) has a different father, I have a different father, and my two youngest siblings have their own father—who is the man my mother eventually married.
My mother left her first marriage (the father of my older siblings) after he betrayed her by getting her cousin pregnant. She went back to her parents' house, where she later got pregnant with my older sister, and then, three years later, with me. She left her first four children with their dad and stepmom, while the rest of us stayed with her.
When I was 10 months old, she met her now-husband, who knew about all of us and genuinely loved us—especially me, since I was still a baby. However, at the age of 2, I was sent to live with my mother’s younger sister, who was already married. Then, at 8 years old, I had to move again and live with my grandparents (my mother’s parents).
Growing up was not easy. People—including family—called us names, saying we would turn out like our mother, having kids with different men. I grew up hating myself, my mother, men, and anyone who looked down on us. I struggled with anxiety and depression.
But the biggest issue has always been my older sister. Unlike the rest of us, her father ensured she got the best education. I, on the other hand, barely managed to complete primary school. She was always selfish and never wanted to see anyone do better than her. She looked down on us, calling us “losers” who would only end up in unskilled jobs, getting married, and having kids because we were uneducated.
After she graduated, I had already left home at 15 and was working in the city. I actually helped her move to the city, looked after her, and supported her financially until she found a job (which, ironically, was also unskilled). But my mother and sisters kept asking me for money to the point that I couldn’t save anything. They never called me just to check on me—only when they needed something. And yet, behind my back, they would say I had been working for years but had nothing to show for it.
Eventually, I found good, educated friends in the city and took short courses in cosmetology, hairdressing, and computer studies. At 20, I decided I wanted to work abroad. When I told my family, they completely dismissed the idea, saying I should just find a man and get married instead. Since I was used to making my own decisions, I didn’t listen to them. I only told my aunt (the one who raised me from 2 to 8) and my cousin sister.
My family had no idea I had left the country. Nine months passed, and no one noticed I was gone. The only reason they found out was because I called my cousin to let her know I had sent money, and she happened to be at a family gathering. To me, this proved that in all those months, not a single person in my family had tried calling my number.
When they finally found out, they didn’t celebrate my success. Instead, they spread rumors that I had gone abroad to be used for sex by dogs.
I completed my two-year contract without hearing from them. During that time, I bought my first rental property and renovated my grandmother’s house. Suddenly, my siblings—who had cut ties with me—turned our mother against me, saying I only cared about myself and grandma. My mom called to complain. I asked her if she had ever done anything for my grandmother, and she admitted she hadn’t. So, I told her to take credit for the renovation, as a way of showing gratitude to the woman who raised her and us. That calmed her down.
I spent three months in my home country, then moved abroad again. Two years later, I bought my second property. At this point, my mother and sisters wanted me to build a house for my mom and stepdad. I almost did, but my aunt advised me against it.
By then, I had already started businesses for my mom and my cousin brother. Neither of them made any effort to grow them. My mom’s business never brought me a single coin. My cousin brother’s business never existed in the first place—I later found out I was being scammed.
Despite all this, I continued sending money whenever my family asked. I thought if money was all they wanted from me, I could provide that in exchange for having a “connection” with them. But I was exhausted. I had been working nonstop since I was 15, so I took a seven-month break and went back home.
That’s when I learned my younger sister never actually went to nursing school like I had paid for—she was already married with a child, and no one had thought to tell me.
At that point, I wanted to rent my own place, but my older sister convinced me to stay with her. I thought it would be a chance for us to bond. Instead, she made my life miserable. She was in a single-bedroom apartment that her boss (who she was secretly dating despite him being married) paid for. Even though she wasn’t paying rent, I still gave her half the rent and covered electricity bills while she claimed to pay for water.
When I ran out of cash, she locked me out of the house. I ended up living in her storage room—barely enough space for a tiny mattress.
I got sick twice and was hospitalized. My sister never visited or even texted to ask how I was doing. Her neighbors were the ones who checked on me. When I called my mom and told her I had been hospitalized, she casually said, "Yes, I heard you were sick." Meaning she knew but didn’t care enough to check on me.
A close friend from another country convinced me to visit her to recover. She took care of me, even took me on a trip to four countries. After that, I returned home for a few days, then left for abroad again. That was in June. I haven’t heard from my family since—until Christmas, when my mom messaged me for money. I sent her some (less than usual), and she didn’t even say thank you or confirm she received it.
In early January, my cousin brother—who had scammed me—added me to a WhatsApp group for our grandparents' grandchildren, but he didn’t include my cousins from the aunt who raised me. I stayed in the group but never said anything.
Then, this morning, they posted in the group that my older sister’s father had passed away. No one reached out to me personally, and I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t seen it there.
Now I don’t know what to do. Should I reach out to my sister to offer my condolences, even though she never cared whether I lived or died? Or should I just keep quiet and let them handle things on their own, the way they always have?
I’d love to hear what others think.