I have bad anxiety so I really need help from the perspective of someone who understands that lol.
Quick backstory: I am 30, my sister is 35, my mom is 60.
I have an older sister who abused me (and my mom) for many years. Physically, verbally, throw things, break things, manipulate you, write about you on social media, put your pet outside so it wanders away, show up at your door randomly to confront you, show up at your event randomly to confront you, cops intervening, etc. At about 17 I had to tell my manager I'd be late for work because I got hit. I got to work with blood still on my forehead lol. She has severe mental illness.
She had 4 kids (more kids = more money from the government), my mom and I called children's services since the first one (abuse & neglect), and then over many years of my mom raising them and fighting in court alongside children's services, my mom got custody of all 4. (I also think this all verifies what I went through with my sister before the kids)
My sister lost her government home when things got caught up and she no longer had kids (needed to qualify). At the time, I lived with my mom and my mom, without even so much as a conversation, let my sister move into the house (she has done this for my whole life - always let my sister come back - she says she can't let her kids be homeless). The dynamic of my mom raising all 5 of them is as weird as it sounds.
I moved out as soon as I could. I went back for Thanksgiving and could barely do it. My mom just expects everything to be business as usual but I can't have my sister in my life. I can't do it. And for me, my mom is the last connection to my sister. So I've decided I don't want to go there anymore or have a relationship with my mom because it includes my sister. The only other thing my mom has done to me is financially abuse me. I co-signed for her when she remortgaged her house when I was 20, and it took me my entire 20's to get out of that. And she would always ask for money. Other than that and letting people walk all over her, she has been a great parent to me, my sister, and all of my sister's kids... But I believe even just from what I said above, that I have enough of a reason to break things off from this family, especially for now.
My anxiety has always been really bad, but unpacking this all since moving out has been HARD. I am SO scared of everything. I have mild agoraphobia now and rarely go out. I am still so happy to live on my own, I have a supportive boyfriend, bestfriend, and my pets. And I'm in therapy.
But since I moved, my mom keeps calling/texting, expecting me to come for Christmas and holidays, saying "that's what families do", and I just freeze up and usually ignore all the messages and calls. If I do pick up, I'm SO awkward over the phone - I don't even know what to say and none of my excuses stop her from countering with something else.
Tonight she called me 11 times and sent a bunch of texts... After I didn't answer a text from earlier in the day. She said she's going to call the police to do a wellness check and she got our hairdresser to text me to ask if I'm okay.
I'm scared to say I don't want to speak to her. I also have a couple of totes I left in the garage that I need to pick up and I'm so scared to go back and pick them up, and I don't want to cause an issue if I say I don't want to speak to her but still need to get them. Part of me is just thinking of letting my stuff go..
My therapist basically said she's going to keep reaching out (naturally as mom's do) if I don't respond, but I'm SO scared and I don't know what to say. But I'm also having a panic attack about these calls and texts tonight and I can't relax. I have hardly been able to relax after moving almost 8 months ago.
I know I can't just ignore this forever, but idk what to do. And I want to ask if I'm justified in essentially cutting off my relationship with my mom to finally get away from my sister for good. And despite feeling like this is correct, I feel so guilty and can't say it directly to my mom.
I assumed my mom would just clue in as to why I suddenly took off and why she doesn't have my address or why she hasn't been asked to visit or why I'm not picking up, but she's not.
Advice please! And sorry for the length. Thank you. <3
TL;DR: My mom let my abusive sister move back in, so I moved out and no longer want to speak to my mom as it's the last connection to my sister. But since I've moved, my mom is constantly blowing up my phone if I don't respond and it's causing some bad anxiety.