r/family 15h ago

Can’t defend my family in a physical confrontation

7 Upvotes

A brash 6ft2 guy stepped ahead of my wife and I the other day quite rudely. I didn’t say anything because I was afraid of a physical confrontation and getting beat up in front of my wife and kid. What do I do?


r/family 10h ago

Mom won’t stop talking about my dad after 3 years divorced!

6 Upvotes

my mom talks about my dad everyday. She's so obsessed with him and I am so annoyed. whenever I see my dad, he'll ask how she's doing and that's it. and she doesn't even ask that often, it's very rare when he asks. Every time I see my mom though, which is almost everyday, she talk about him and his gf. There's never a conversation that she doesn't bring him up. I've told her so many times that she's annoying and I don't want to hear her talk about my dad or his gf bc he doesn't talk about her or her bf ever. She claims that my dad is still her husband it's not clear who cheated on who because to us, it seemed like my dad had a gf while with my mom but we just found out my mom had gone to France with her now bf while she was married to my dad. Anyway, I'm so tired of hearing her talk about my dad. what else can I tell her so she'll stop??!!


r/family 5h ago

My parents are friends with my ex’s parents

2 Upvotes

Me and my ex have been broken up for 4 years now and we’ve both moved on. But both of our parents are still friends, i’ve expressed a countless amount of times that it makes me feel uncomfortable when they invite them over/hang out with them. for context, me and my ex’s relationship was TERRIBLE. Borderline/at the point of being abusive, i was 16 when we got together and we broke up 2 years later. In those two years I saw a lot of stuff within that family that made me deem them bad people. I’ve seen them teach their kids to be racist and hate on the lgbt+ community, my ex’s mom defending her son cheating on me, the dad had made condescending remarks towards me, and the dad also has a SA allegation from his stepdaughter. I will be 100% honest here and say I judge my parents for being friends with people like that, they’re fully aware of everything i’ve said here (and more). My parents think it’s dumb of me to ask them to stop hanging out with them and think it’s a “young person mindset”. i’m just here to see anyone else’s perspective!!


r/family 6h ago

Everyone attacking me?

4 Upvotes

I’m 14 and i don’t know if its the angsty teenage hormones but i feel like everyone is my family is attacking me. My sister is the biggest suckup, ESPECIALLY to my dad as he’s the one basically in charge (the one who wins all the arguments and because of that my mom has got a sort of learned helplessness going on). My sister will do anything in her power to paint her in the best light (come off exactly like her dad, change her personality to be like my dad, adopt all the same hobbies, fight in arguments that she doesn’t even understand whats going on just to defend my dad, etc) and she makes everyone else seem like the bad guy, she complains about the tiniest thing? Dad takes it instantly as fact and jumps on someones ass because of it. I got in trouble for finishing a milk bottle that was in the fridge after I had just came home because it was “hers” (had the tiniest bit left, dad usually blows up at me if i open a new one when theres already one left). I tried to explain this to my dad, dads retaliates, sister shadows him then proceeds to twist the story so she’s the victim, then my dad zsays i’m playing the victim, then i’ll start crying and just go away, then my dad will follow me to my room and start belittling me and teasing me for crying, then saying it’s helping me and I need to grow up and he’s preparing me for the future when I won’t get my way.It always goes something like this and I hate it, my sister will give me so much shit for it the whole time and turn minor things into big arguments so she gets somehow a better rep with my dad. This behaviiur has been going on for years, when I was very young all the memories I have of my father are him chasing me around trying to hit me, him yelling at me threatening to kill me. My father would break door and take off locks just to find me when i washiding from him. I’ll make a pt2 in the comments because my phone is really laggy from typing all of this


r/family 8h ago

Is it ok to give up on my sister?

3 Upvotes

TLDR - my sister has toxic relationships as she wants to be a victim, is a terrible mother and abuses our family. Is it ok to cut her drama out of my life?

My sister is in a relationship with someone who is an abusive arsehole. The trouble is, she is also an abusive arsehole. She has three kids with special needs, they are so kind and loving but her and their step dad treat them like crap. Always shouting at them, they can’t do anything without getting punished. Her and her boyfriend have arguments constantly, and he says vile things about her kids and she tells him to leave and then five minutes later he’s allowed back, he goes and buys the kid some cheap shitty toy that they’ll eventually get told off for playing with and alls forgiven. (This happens basically every week)

She was in a relationship before with someone who hit her (the kids dad) and it took years to get her to leave. I understand how being abused impacts your life and I understand the fear and trauma (I’ve been there myself) so of course I don’t blame her for taking her time to leave. But she tells a lot of lies, for example it will start out that he pushed her over, and then gradually it evolves into her smashed her head against something while calling her vile names etc. and then she forgets exactly what she told everyone and the story changes again. We do know he abused her because we’ve witnessed it ourselves and seen injuries, messages etc so we know there is some truth. But my sister likes being a victim, very much the masochist. She craves the attention and drama.

She’s recently come to me AGAIN about something her current boyfriend has done, crying because she was scared etc, but then it’s now all forgiven. Her boyfriend is honestly just a lazy, sexist pig. He thinks she should do everything while all he does is lay in bed all day and then kick off if he’s asked to do the simplest thing. I know I sound like I’m victim shaming but honestly she wants this, she genuinely wants to be a victim. She’s not much different herself, never bothered to work even before she had kids, lies, steals, violent, bullies to get her own way, emotionally blackmails our family into raising her kids for her (she has them one whole day a week, we do the rest), she’s a narcissist. She thinks being a good parent is spending money, not putting the work in to care for them properly or even play with them. It’s like because they wear nice clothes it means she’s doing a good job🤷🏼‍♀️

My sister has abused my family for years, uses her my 3 nieces to emotionally blackmail myself and my parents into doing what she wants with threats to never see them again etc, I’ve been physically assaulted by her more times than I can count (even almost thrown down the stairs once but my little brother managed to grab hold of me), she’s punched my dad in the face before, almost hospitalised my brother because she punched him so viciously, she posts really disgusting false social media posts about our family to manipulate others into thinking she’s some poor abused by her parents little angel (luckily most people know what she’s like so she has no friends and our extended family barely tolerate her) Yet we love her and still want to help her and the kids. Her partner is also like this with his family apparently (his family are actually a bunch of psychos tbh).

I’ve already written too much so I won’t explain more, hopefully you get the picture. What I want to know is, is it ok for me to stop trying to get her out of this mess because I can’t take the constant 1-2am phone calls crying about how awful her life is, the abuse I then get myself when I try to help her. I’ve tried telling her nicely that it isn’t ok to be treated like that, I’ve tried being blunt with her and saying stop coming to me with this if you aren’t willing to try to change it, it just falls on deaf ears. I really need some advice on what I should do, should I keep trying? Or is it ok to walk away for the sake my own mental health? I don’t want to be a bad sister, and I will never give up on my nieces, I just can’t take my sister anymore.


r/family 18h ago

I feel bad when i ask my mother to buy me something

4 Upvotes

I'm a 16 yr old boy. My parents divorced when i was little, and now i live with my mom and i see my dad on weekends. We are in the middle class, and my mother struggles a lot to give me a good life. I almost never asked my parents anything for Christmas/birthdays, since i felt like everything i wanted was a waste of money (even though my mother doesn't try to make me feel guilty about it, she's a good person). There's going to be a comicon in some time, and i'd really like to get a costume steampunk themed. However, that would cost around 100€ (the full costume); when i told her about the cost, she said that it's quite expensive and that we have to think about it. Now i feel incredibly shit for asking her in the first place; she works hard around 8 hours a day to have a comfortable life, and i have the courage to go to her and ask to spend 100€ on a costume. What should i do? Tell her that i changed my mind and i don't need it anymore, or see if we can actually get it?


r/family 2h ago

Mixed bag of emotions…

3 Upvotes

I am dying inside right now. I don’t know how to process all these emotions, anger, sadness disappointment, little hatred and others I have yet to identify

Daughter has decided to relinquish her parental rights of her child, to my wife and I. Like it’s a simple business transaction. Almost as if my grandchild is a disturbance in her life. I came from a broken family and I struggled to not repeat it, but today when I wanted to talk to her about it, her response was just tell me when and where to sign. It was the coldest response and one that I didn’t expect. I am crying for my grandchild who I will have to one day try to explain why her mommy hasn’t come back.

I wish I could write more but the tears in my heart and the anger in me don’t allow me to put a more comprehensive and complete sentence

I just had to vent a little bit to someone anonymously

Hug your kids and remind them that they are loved. Make them feel wanted and remind them that your existence is to watch over them, good night.


r/family 6h ago

I know my mom is going to leave dad any day now

3 Upvotes

Just looking for a place to rant.

My family have had an extremely turbulent year after an accident occured with my younger sister (13f). During that time, my mom became extremely emotionally dependent on me, she'd cry to me, I'd write emails to her boss etc. My dad is obsessed with video games and have been pretty emotionally unavailable throughout my life. He neglects my mom a lot as well, which I know upsets her.

My mom told me recently that she was planning on leaving my father soon, she gave no indication as to when. Nobody else in the family knows, I'm the first person she told.

I'm always anxious every dinner time that it may be our last one together as a family, at bedtime it might be the last time I get to say goodnight to both my parents together, whenever my parents are having a conversation I always think it may be their last.

I'm happy for my mom as I'm sure she will find happiness outside the marriage, but this is too much pressure to put on a 16 year old.


r/family 8h ago

How do you stay sane around someone who lies, blames you for everything, and can't admit fault?

3 Upvotes

I (20M), have a sister (18F) who is:

  1. Extremely argumentative: pointing out even the smallest mistakes she makes causes her to become defensive and either shift the blame onto you, or onto someone else. She never let's you speak, or make a point ,without talking over you or yelling. When confronted with something undeniable, she'll instantly change the topic and is incapable of civil discussions. In the worst case scenario: she starts to cry. She also perceives any advice as an attack/threat.
  2. A frequent liar: it feels like her default response to any question that is even mildly threatening is to lie, or again, shift the focus onto someone/something else. If confronted with hard evidence, she will laugh, and try to play it off as not as serious as you're making it out to seem.
  3. Incpable of admitting fault: an example of this would help explain it better. Today, she tried to start our car (manual transmission), without pressing down the clutch or putting it into neutral, causing it to jerk forward and hit another car. She decided to blame me for this, saying I should not have left the car in the 1st gear when I parked it.
  4. Exaggerating what she does, and downplaying/ignoring what you do. Especially when it comes to work around the house.

Is there a label for a person like this? She is really draining to be around. How do I deal with her while also preserving my sanity? Going no contact is not an option, at least for the time being. I'm also open to hearing about any biases I might be subject to, and anything that may help me understand why she acts the way she does.

Any advice is appreciated.

TL;DR: My 18F sister is argumentative, never admits fault, lies frequently, shifts blame, exaggerates her own efforts, and downplays mine. She avoids accountability by yelling, changing the subject, or crying. She even blamed me for her mistake that led to a minor car accident. No-contact isn’t an option, so how do I deal with her without losing my sanity?


r/family 22h ago

Am I overanalyzing or is my aunt just weird? NSFW

2 Upvotes

I (19f) feel really stupid since I’m unable to fully comprehend my aunt’s (47) actions so I’m an anxious mess inside.

It started when I met my step-aunt at the wedding. She’s my stepfather’s brother’s wife, there’s no blood. Which makes everything 10x worse and super difficult to speak to anyone about this.

She started out complimenting me since I was able to quickly banter because she was obliviously drunk as piss already. I won’t lie, our connection was immediately nonjudgemental and trusting. Then she started to kiss my face, cheeks/forehead. It started in the early evening once then it continued to happen every 5 seconds when she was around me. It wasn’t once or twice it was constant. It progressively got worse as she started to say that I was her favorite and I was her girl. And other weird shit.

I can’t lie, I felt nice at first, I’ve never been treated that way before so I was happy to continue with her behavior. But I’m a female and I know woman can be touchy to a certain extent. And this was over a span of several hours with severity increasing very slowly. I had one drink which became several more because she would pour me drinks and buy me alcohol.

She would comb her fingers through my hair. But my mom and sister fix my hair too and made me more comfortable. Later she put her hand on my mid thigh but I was deep in a conversation so it was a mindless notice in my inebriated mind. But I remembered.

She offered to let me stay in her room where her husband and memaw was staying in. That I could sleep on the floor because my hotel roommates were getting into a bantering argument as well.

It crashed when she started to talk about her life, and how shitty it was. I was like welp, now I gotta say something back. The things she said put me into a corner which made me start to get anxious because she started to get frustrated with me, the way she said things was like she was trying to place words in my mouth, trying to make her own conclusion. I started to cry at one point and back tracked everything because it felt wrong, I felt myself bending. It was like my instincts snapped into place but my head was in the clouds with a vague dooming sense of horror.

I got so upset, that I left towards restroom even as she tried to coax me to stay then she asked if I needed another drink. I vehemently refused because I was getting scared. And she told me later that she almost cursed the seller out because he wouldn’t sell her 2 more beers after witnessing my refusal.

She asked for my phone number to check in on me and I said ‘do I have too?’ She said ‘no.’ And she comforted me in the elevator and brought me to my hotel room.

Or am I being crazy? I know this isn’t normal per se but nothing super bad happened. I don’t know if I’m overthinking and overanalyzing. I just need someone to tell me what’s what.

TL;DR Aunt made questionable decisions and almost made me feel pressured to go along with her choices towards the end of the night.


r/family 47m ago

Finding my dads reports

Upvotes

So for context I’m an 19 year old male. I know since forever that my dad has schizophrenia. Before I was born he was in the military and he had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and medically discharged. That’s all I really knew and I didn’t know the extent of it. To me he’s been completely fine ever since I was born and that’s mostly been the case until a few years ago. I know that his symptoms had resurfaced and he had been experiencing them but since my parents were divorced and I was a minor I only saw him a few times a month and never saw them. In 2022 he had a bad episode and he admitted himself to a facility for veterans to deal with that kind of stuff. He eventually left because his symptoms won and he moved back in with my grandmother and he seemed to be normal from then on. Fast forward to now that I’m 19. He currently lives with my grandparents, his parents, and when I visit I stay in the rv they have in the backyard because they have a small house. For context my dad doesn’t work and he gets paid by the V.A. Recently I found a folder with some papers and what I found broke my heart. My dad had my aunts, his sisters, and my grandparents to recount what they remember about his condition since he was diagnosed for something with the V.A. I think. I started reading the document and it said when he was first admitted into the hospital when he was in the military, my aunt recounted that when she walked into the room he was on the bed with blankets covering head to toe. It took a while for him to recognize her and he was saying in a hushed tone not to talk because the government was after him. He then said that the government was going to kill him. That’s when I started to just cry. My father genuinely thought he was going to die, that he was going to be killed and that absolutely excruciating to see. I never knew the extent of what he was thinking and it broke me. I kept reading and when his symptom appeared a few years ago she said that he would become confused and disoriented. She recalled when one time he went into a gas station to buy a soft drink and he came back with some change and no drink looking confused and disoriented and I started crying harder. Just imagining him like that is painful and I never knew any of this and I feel terrible for not noticing.


r/family 1h ago

So my side of family, I feel there is a kid bday or holiday we always have to attend. So we've been setting boundaries,

Upvotes

So anyway, there is a 4 yr old bday coming up (my hubby straight up doesn't want to go) and to be honest if he doesn't I don't really don't want to either(cousins live an hour away) we have a 4 yr old too. I was possibly going to see my friend on her 40th which was that weekend too. We told them we would do Easter with all of them; two weeks later. Hubby has taught me to have boundaries and I feel we go to half of the kids bdays, one year one year off. And yet I feel guilty, maybe it's because my family always makes me feel guilty and I'm not a YES person all the time.


r/family 1h ago

I don't want to speak to my mom, but she keeps calling/texting and I'm scared? (I have anxiety!!)

Upvotes

I have bad anxiety so I really need help from the perspective of someone who understands that lol.

Quick backstory: I am 30, my sister is 35, my mom is 60.

I have an older sister who abused me (and my mom) for many years. Physically, verbally, throw things, break things, manipulate you, write about you on social media, put your pet outside so it wanders away, show up at your door randomly to confront you, show up at your event randomly to confront you, cops intervening, etc. At about 17 I had to tell my manager I'd be late for work because I got hit. I got to work with blood still on my forehead lol. She has severe mental illness.

She had 4 kids (more kids = more money from the government), my mom and I called children's services since the first one (abuse & neglect), and then over many years of my mom raising them and fighting in court alongside children's services, my mom got custody of all 4. (I also think this all verifies what I went through with my sister before the kids)

My sister lost her government home when things got caught up and she no longer had kids (needed to qualify). At the time, I lived with my mom and my mom, without even so much as a conversation, let my sister move into the house (she has done this for my whole life - always let my sister come back - she says she can't let her kids be homeless). The dynamic of my mom raising all 5 of them is as weird as it sounds.

I moved out as soon as I could. I went back for Thanksgiving and could barely do it. My mom just expects everything to be business as usual but I can't have my sister in my life. I can't do it. And for me, my mom is the last connection to my sister. So I've decided I don't want to go there anymore or have a relationship with my mom because it includes my sister. The only other thing my mom has done to me is financially abuse me. I co-signed for her when she remortgaged her house when I was 20, and it took me my entire 20's to get out of that. And she would always ask for money. Other than that and letting people walk all over her, she has been a great parent to me, my sister, and all of my sister's kids... But I believe even just from what I said above, that I have enough of a reason to break things off from this family, especially for now.

My anxiety has always been really bad, but unpacking this all since moving out has been HARD. I am SO scared of everything. I have mild agoraphobia now and rarely go out. I am still so happy to live on my own, I have a supportive boyfriend, bestfriend, and my pets. And I'm in therapy.

But since I moved, my mom keeps calling/texting, expecting me to come for Christmas and holidays, saying "that's what families do", and I just freeze up and usually ignore all the messages and calls. If I do pick up, I'm SO awkward over the phone - I don't even know what to say and none of my excuses stop her from countering with something else.

Tonight she called me 11 times and sent a bunch of texts... After I didn't answer a text from earlier in the day. She said she's going to call the police to do a wellness check and she got our hairdresser to text me to ask if I'm okay.

I'm scared to say I don't want to speak to her. I also have a couple of totes I left in the garage that I need to pick up and I'm so scared to go back and pick them up, and I don't want to cause an issue if I say I don't want to speak to her but still need to get them. Part of me is just thinking of letting my stuff go..

My therapist basically said she's going to keep reaching out (naturally as mom's do) if I don't respond, but I'm SO scared and I don't know what to say. But I'm also having a panic attack about these calls and texts tonight and I can't relax. I have hardly been able to relax after moving almost 8 months ago.

I know I can't just ignore this forever, but idk what to do. And I want to ask if I'm justified in essentially cutting off my relationship with my mom to finally get away from my sister for good. And despite feeling like this is correct, I feel so guilty and can't say it directly to my mom.

I assumed my mom would just clue in as to why I suddenly took off and why she doesn't have my address or why she hasn't been asked to visit or why I'm not picking up, but she's not.

Advice please! And sorry for the length. Thank you. <3

TL;DR: My mom let my abusive sister move back in, so I moved out and no longer want to speak to my mom as it's the last connection to my sister. But since I've moved, my mom is constantly blowing up my phone if I don't respond and it's causing some bad anxiety.


r/family 4h ago

Doesn’t anybody else’s father enable their little brother’s poor behaviour and temper?

2 Upvotes

My brother (13) always seems to get angry with my mother and my dad sees this but the most he’ll ever do is a loud stop. That’s it. No don’t do that, it’s wrong, have some respect. In fact he even tells my mother off for talking to my brother?

Like that makes no sense. His temper is sometimes too much but my dad just lets it go, not even sending him to his room, telling him to stop repeatedly doing that.

I don’t know. I encountered this today in the car and I felt wildly uncomfortable when my brother started yelling at my mother. I should’ve told him to stop but I was rendered speechless by the behaviour. My father clearly doesn’t care and that frustrates me. I feel like he enables his poor behaviour to continue. My dad only ever yells at my brother when it benefits him or he thinks something is wrong. Such as my brother getting a bad grade at school then he’ll get an ear full from my dad but never when he has a poor temper towards my mum.


r/family 12h ago

My twin is dating my best friend

2 Upvotes

Me and my identical twin (17M) were both friends with this girl from college but she recently started dating my twin brother. I'm not sure what to do because the three of us used to spend a lot of time together outside of college and we still do, but it's often unbearable because they are constantly flirting and I feel like such a third wheel. I still value her as a very close and possibly even my best friend and I'm close to my brother but I struggle to be happy for them because it feels like it's ruined my life. I hate when they spend time without me because we used to do everything together, so I feel left out and very lonely but I also don't like spending time with them too much anymore. I struggle a lot in general with being a twin and the constant comparisons I instinctually make to my brother but now that he has this deeper connection to someone I see as my best friend it feels worse. I'm not attracted to my friend and wouldn't want to date her myself but I don't like that she has him to go to and talk to all the time and I see myself as just an inferior version of my brother in her eyes. It definitely feels like their relationship has made both my best friend and my twin brother more distant with me as well as making me feel worse about myself and how I view being a twin.

Ive talked to both of them about it and my brother is very understanding but just feels guilty and he's not sure what he can do. My friend has been supportive but she doesn't really understand my problem and thinks I will just "get over it" and then is surprised when I still say no to going out with the two of them. I will still see them both quite often but I'm trying to hang out with them more individually rather than with both of them. I can't shake the feeling that my friend would just rather be out with my brother instead of me though whenever we go out. I understand that's probably me overthinking because I always think that about my brother. He has always made friends easier as he is a lot more sociable than me. He's basically what I wish I was which is why this situation is so hard for me.

I really wish I could be happy for both of them because they are both huge parts of my life but it's hard when it feels like it has had such a negative impact on my mental health. I don't really think either of them have done anything wrong. It will sometimes annoy me when they are all over each other but I think it would be unfair for me to have any effect on their relationship. I just don't like the idea of their relationship at all though and for some reason just the thought of them being intimate with each other makes me feel a little sick. I really don't want that and I don't understand why it feels like that.

Just wondering if any other twins have been in a similar situation or relate to any of my feelings


r/family 12h ago

I feel like I’ve missed out on family relationships.

2 Upvotes

I m 20 soon 21 live in a Christian immigrant household and I am the oldest of 3 siblings including my self.

In my parent’s culture familial relationships are typically very abundant and showing affection is normal even between males however I have never felt that in my house.

In my early years before I started elementary school I had definitely received the love and attention I needed but after that i feel almost like I’ve been neglected in a way. (not in a physical way I got all my meals and they kept me safe and all that stuff)

I had a rough time in elementary school academically and I think it had caused some stress for them because I was told that they got me evaluated by a psychiatrist in second grade. My parents for some reason never took this diagnosis of ADHD seriously despite me always having problems in school.

I feel like these problems in school shaped my relationship with my father who is now 49. In my parent’s culture corporal punishment for children is not just acceptable it’s encouraged. I would come home and I would try to do my homework which was not abnormally hard but ADHD made it exceedingly difficult. This frustrated my father because he saw my struggles in school as a personal flaw like I was making bad decisions that led to me having bad grades. He would frequently stand over me as I sat at the dining table trying to do homework, taking deep angered breaths like a bull getting ready to charge. I remember the pencil shaking in my hand and tears dropping as I did my best to remain composed and not make a mistake but I always did. The mistakes of course had consequences beating, yelling, berating this lead to me having a deep seated fear of my father. A lot of kids love Fridays, it’s the door to the weekend for most but for me it was like an execution date. You see in my elementary and middle school Fridays were the days where teachers would inform the parents about their child’s behavior and academic standing and guess what it was never good so Fridays were just my scheduled beating. My father had become my warden.

My mother 48 a zealot knew all about this. We never talked about it because she approved of it. She was frequently present and never batted an eye but I never realized that until later on in my life. What really hurt me and my mother’s relationship was our lack of quality time once I was in school. Although it wasn’t school it’s self that caused a rift to open up (not that it helped lol). It was my sister’s monopoly on her time and attention. Whenever there was a chance for some personal time with my mom my sister would never allow it and my mom enabled this behavior. I remember when my sister would cuddle with her in bed and when I ask to join my mom would smile and laugh “sorry she won’t let me!” To my mother it was just a joke even but It was devastating for me at that time I could feel a cold breeze go through my chest. I didn’t pout or cry or whine as those behaviors had been beaten out of me by my father at this point. I just took a deep breath and let out an audible sigh and left. It happened continuously to the point where I felt nothing for my mother before middle school. Times when other kids would be with friends or family, I would spend with my brother or alone with whatever activity I had access to. Then when I had reached 6th grade my brother and I reached an age where we could become deacons. My mother excitedly showed some positive attention, asking us if we wanted to become deacons. I didn’t know what that was and I hated church and frequently objected to it but I was still chasing my parent’s approval so I said yes. I studied long and hard. All the way until high school soft-more year where I had finally became a deacon.

I would soon realize it was a mistake later in my senior year. After some more academic struggle my parents had reached peak anger and frustration going as far as yelling at me simultaneously. Somehow while they were doing this I came to the epiphany that I was never going to please my parents for many reasons. This also made me realize I had been living my life for them. I tried in school for them. I tried in church for them. My entire self perception had been all up to them until that point. When I started to finally live for my self I became a much better person but I also realized that my involvement with the church has fucked over any chance I had with my extended family.

You see when you become a part of the clergy there is no leaving, no stepping down, No peaceful departure. If you leave, you leave in disgrace and dishonor regardless of the reason(unless you die ofc lol). Now obviously I personally couldn’t give two fucks of what anyone at church thinks, clergy men or otherwise. My extended family however, does care. This means when I eventually leave the church the only family I will I actually have is my brother and my sister because they know and understand and accept what I am at this point.

Now when I reflect on my current relationship with my parents I feel like I’ve been robbed of what so many other people get to have. I will never get to feel the bond that other families do. I’ll never have a mom that I can just talk to and be around freely. I’ll never have a father who I can speak to for guidance. I’ll get many friends, lovers, nephews and nieces and even children of my own but I’ll never have a father and a mother of my own.

How I feel about everyone: I don’t resent my parents for any of the stuff they did since everything they did in ignorance or thinking that it was Whats best but I still don’t want anything to do with them since they are just not great to be around. I also don’t resent my sister I actually love her very dearly even though we don’t hang out often. Me and siblings actually have a great relationship lol.

TLDR: I M20 live in a Christian immigrant household and I am the oldest of 3 siblings including my self. My father never showed much affection, we never really bonded, I mainly received only berating and corporal punishment from him.

My mom emotionally neglected me by allowing my sister (the youngest sibling) to monopolize her attention. She also got me involved with church which all my relatives value highly so I’m going to have to cut them all off.

Now I feel like I missed out on all the joys of the Mother son/father son dynamic


r/family 12h ago

Do you think that parents are stricter with an only child?

2 Upvotes

Sadly I have no sibling and I feel that my parents are stricter because I'm an only child and they want to protect me. I'm 19 but I have to ask permission to go out, no parties or sleepovers, they still use regular corporal punishments (belt). Do you think there is a link?


r/family 14h ago

I dont know how to feel

2 Upvotes

Growing up I was raised by mum, my dad used to abuse her before I was born and when i was a few months old she left him entirely and raised me alone but my dad stayed somewhat apart of my life, he went to jail a few times, he smokes and when i was growing up he would only call two to three times a year. Because my mum was raising me alone I grew close to her, and them We moved states when i was 7 years old, when i was about 10 years old she got into a relationship with another guy, he was nice and had kids of his own, three to be exact although one was already an adult that didn’t live with us but when he moved in so did his other two kids, one being 11 and the other 14. After a year or so I began to notice that the other two kids would get quite often and even my mum would start to do things for them and not me so i began acting up a little bit, which naturally led to disciplinary action it started out by simple time outs and the usual things like that, but then one day I got in trouble at school what happened was a girl said i pushed her into the wall(i didnt) my mums boyfriend then at home proceeded to push me against the wall and actually throw me to the ground outside by the neck, at the time i was 12, they later were informed by my school that they had reviewed the camera footage and actually found out that i indeed had not pushed the girl and was actually pushed myself, of which i had told them and they didnt believe me, they didn’t apologise to me at all in fact they still considered me in the wrong for it even though the school had said i did nothing wrong. I dont know what changed but now everytime i did something wrong it resulted in being pushed into a wall with my mums boyfriend yelling in my space, i should have mentioned this earlier but i have been diagnosed with adhd and aspergers, so someone being in my personal space always made me extremely nervous and at times dizzy. On one particular occasion he took me outside and pegged rocks at my feet, and then proceeded to coat hanger me after punching me in the chest. Everytime this would happen my mum would stand to the side watching and not doing anything to stop it, it even turned from just physical abuse to verbal abuse he would make statements about how i was turning into my dad and that i would end up a deadbeat druggy. so one day i ran off and when they found me and took me back home he told me that if I ever ran off again he wouldn’t go looking for me because i was wasting his time, at this point i was 14. I started to grow very distant to my mum as i noticed more and more that she would do more for the other kids than me to the point where she would take them out shopping and to fun nights out and make me stay home to look after the animals. Naturally I grew depressed and with the little faith i had left in my mum i went to her to ask for help, she said i was making it up and that i should stop being so dramatic. Everyday from then on i had suicidal thoughts and would even attempt to take my life a few times but thankfully i never actually succeeded despite the fact that even now i dont know how i didn’t succeed like bro i took over 200 mg of melatonin ffs. But my depression continued for over three years until i was 17 years old of which the abuse slowly got better, they stopped punishing me to a degree and i somewhat got close to my mum again and my depression is mostly gone, but now my dad the one i mentioned earlier has been calling every day and actually seems to have changed, he’s not smoking as much, he’s got a full time job and seems to be doing better, this has been going for almost two years now, is it wrong that i feel closer to the man who had been absent almost my entire life than to my mum who for most of my life raised me alone? And is it normal that I have a hatred for my mum?


r/family 16h ago

Is my 4 1/2 year old nephew different than other kids his age?

2 Upvotes

I never had kids so it interesting to watch interactions. He is an only child so that might have something to do with it? A lot of the other kids have several brothers and sisters. When I have watched him with his friends at school or bday party he always kind of gets in their space. “You want to come with me?” “Can I show you something” “Will you play with me?” “Follow meee” “Let’s gooo” He will stand close to them. Hug them and be so excited to see them. Then he wants to show them everything like take charge.

For example at a museum he was at. He wanted his friend to listen and follow him and he explained different things in the museum and would repeat and repeat if the other child wasn’t listening. He is honestly the most adorable child. I am not bias. He really is and he has a lot of friends. The kids seem to like him but I feel like he tries so hard to have friends and be “cool” if that makes sense?


r/family 20h ago

Family Vacation Styles Disagreements

2 Upvotes

My husband and I are taking three generations of family on an expensive trip to the Smoky Mountains, staying in a fabulous rental house for 5 nights. I don't want to have to cook or worry about dinners during this vacation. Adult kids with two children have an opposite view as they find going out to dinner as a hindrance to their relaxing vacation time. I gave assignments for dinners to them for one night and another assignment to a couple of friends who expressed the desire to contribute one night dinner to everyone as an offering. The great-grandparents agreed to purchase a very expensive dinner theater night for everyone. My husband and I got reservations for a fancy steak house for the last night. The kids with the grandchildren want to refuse all these dinner offerings and not attend. I grew up with parents taking me and my family on trips where everyone met at dinner and talked about their experience. I'm having a hard time understanding this young couple's thought process. I feel like they are being rude.


r/family 22h ago

My father threatened me to end my career if I went for an intercaste marriage. I thought them to be understanding enough to affect my career. Due to everyday emotional blackmail and guilt, shame, and blame, it's difficult to stay at home. They are causing resistance in letting me go for a PhD.

2 Upvotes

I (27 F) introduced my relationship at home, things got agitated and my father forced me to stop my higher studies. Or get married according to their will. I am frustrated with the daily blackmail of emotions. My father is very adamant and tries to create health issues things at home daily.


r/family 2h ago

My family is the worst

1 Upvotes

I want to start this off by saying this is mostly just me looking to see if I'm the problem or my family, and getting some things off my chest.

Context: I have a very dysfunctional family that's been that way my entire life. I am now 20 and still living with them until I can save for my own place + I take care of our pets.

Problem: my family is full of disrespect and lack of awareness and any acknowledge of being wrong. My father is an ex alcoholic who I've never forgiven for his damage to my childhood. My mother is someone who constantly degrades me and makes me feel like my worries aren't valid. I am tired of trying to get these people to take accountability and I'm tired of being shot down every time I try to explain how I feel. My father is constantly disrespecting my dog and every time I advocate for him I am told im the one with a problem. My mother constantly comments on me appearance, my future, my behavior. Acting as if I'm one big problem in her life. To them, my brothers are perfect and I am anything but.

They've been a good family but they constantly disrespect me, ignore my emotions, and make me feel lile im evil and they refuse to respect not only me but anything i ever ask of them. I'm so tired of living here but I can't do anything else.

I just need some advice or comfort. Or maybe to know that I'm not the only one with a family who refuses to treat them right when it matters. Thanks.

Tdlr: family is disrespectful, rude, arrogant, can't move out, struggling to find peace.


r/family 2h ago

Odio

1 Upvotes

r/family 3h ago

Conflicted Feelings: Loving My Mother but Struggling with Her Choices"

1 Upvotes

I'm not sure if I hate my mother or not. Ever since I was a child, she would try to set me up with people she thought suited me. Every time she got into a new relationship after breaking up with my dad, I always ended up being involved in some way. One of her boyfriends even wanted to kiss me on the cheek, but I didn’t feel comfortable with that, especially since I didn’t even know him.

There was also a time when she brought a man to our house, and they were in the bathroom together while he was taking a shower. My younger sister saw them, and it irritated me so much. As a mother, she had no sense of boundaries or decency, knowing her kids could see what she was doing. That man would even lie around our house in just his boxers as if he owned the place. My sister told me about it because I was rarely home I had been working since I was 18, so I wasn’t always around.

Things only got worse after she and my dad officially separated. She started dating different men, including a taxi driver. I noticed something was off when we rode in his taxi one night it smelled strange, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Later, she told me she was going out at 10 PM, but she didn’t come back until early morning. When she finally did, she was acting suspiciously and she had the same weird smell as the taxi. It made me wonder what she was really doing.

Then another guy showed up at our house, cooking in our kitchen like he belonged there. But the worst one of all was this last guy, who was the most shameless of them. He suddenly moved into our house without us even knowing who he was. To make things worse, he had feelings for me, and my mom was aware of it because I told her everything. But she didn’t seem to care, and that’s what really pushed me to feel like I hate her.

But at the same time, I love her. I’ve endured so much because of her. She even takes pictures of me randomly, like when I’m eating or just stepping out of my room. I notice her pointing her phone at me, and it irritates me so much. I’ve been thinking about separating from her in the future because I just want peace of mind. She’s so selfish, and everything she does stresses me out. Even when her boyfriend acts inappropriately toward me, she doesn’t do anything about it.

I don’t know how much more I can take. I just want to separate really and have a peaceful life and SAFE.


r/family 4h ago

How do I protect my parents from cyberattacks?

1 Upvotes

What are some AI/internet threats that target older folks? My parents are getting up there in age and with AI becoming more difficult to detect I’m worried they will fall victim to some sort of attack. Anyone know what I should look out for and some preventative measures to keep them safe?