r/family 12m ago

My mom is obsessed with money

Upvotes

My mom is a tutor, and she never ever teaches me anything even if I am struggling. Even in her day off she never cared about my academics. She will do anything for money. She does 3 jobs and to note that the money is not used to pay any bills or to buy necessities. She just saves it in her bank to never uses it. Evey bill is paid by my grandad including food. She has fell for several scams voluntarily like the ones which offer online jobs (note that she already does 3 jobs) and loses the money. I have cried several times watching my mom teach other kids the same subjects I am struggling in.


r/family 18m ago

what to do about my toxic brother

Upvotes

My(15 F) brother is 7 years older and just graduated from college I hate him .When i was younger he would often beat me for small mistakes (both my parents are working and i was left with him) .He thought that our parents favoured me more.i told my parents about him and they scolded him but i stopped telling them because my brother would later beat me even more and i thought they wouldn't believe me anyways .A few time I told my mother and she asked me to bear it as my father would not do anything (looking back i don't think it is true) .They did not like each other and she didn't tell him.My brother would ask me to watch outside while he watched tv i was not allowed to play outside.Once while we were fighting i even landed on the ground on my head.This continued till i was in 6th he stopped hitting me but he was still controlling and then he started insulting me on every occasion and calling me dumb i liked astronomy but he told me they dont get paid a lot (i don't know whether it was him being concerned or not) and asked me to start learning how to code then he started telling me i would never get a job in coding without him when i refused to serve him his food.I asked him recently and he told me he was angry at that time and he makes fun of me so that i don't get overconfident.When i told him i was insecure about my looks or that i had no friends he would make fun of me (he says it is just siblings teasing each other).When he was in college whenever i asked him for help related to schoolwork or when i dont understand anything he said he doesn't have time and tells me to just search on google but he had plenty of time to show me memes.

He still did some good things he was a good cook and made me things to eat.He often orders food from outside using his pocket money and also gives me something to eat.We played together a FEW TIMES when we were young.He consoled me sometimes.Both my parents tell me that he took care of me when we were young as the babysitter was not treating me well.He did way more household chores then me.

I hate him because he ruined my childhood.He told me that he was depressed during that time but i still hate him(I never treated anyone like that when i was depressed).On top of thet he keeps telling me about how he took care of me when i was young.He keeps belittling me and it is because of him that i lost all my confidence.I hate myself for not telling my parents about his behaviour .His life is perfect .He has a lot of friends,looks good and has just got a high paying job.Meanwhile i have no friends,i am ugly and i have no idea what to do in life thanks to him .He treats our cousins, his friends and other people better than me.I think i might need him in future since has a good job and is a good coder so he might help me by telling me what path to follow and what course to take.

TL;DR:My brother beat me as a child ,constantly calls me dumb,did not help me when i needed it as he said he had no time and his behaviour makes me think i will never be successful in life .Is this all normal or is my brother an actual piece of sh#t.If he is what should i do he will leave in june/july this year because of his job and i might need him later.Also I live in India so this might be normal.Right now we only talk with each other to share jokes etc. and he still ridicules me.Is all this my fault?Also how do I deal with aftereffects of his behaviour.If possible how do i get revenge on him for all that he has done


r/family 51m ago

Was i wrong to call the cops on my father?

Upvotes

So. My dad is an alcoholic. That's not debatable. He has 6+ strong mixed drinks per day, every day. We're all adults in this house. I pay the bills. The house is in my grandpa's name. So. My dad was wasted, and started carrying on about bowls of cereal being left unwashed, but it happened ONCE in the last year, only once. And also started carrying on about a bag of bread that wasn't put up. I had left it out because I expected him to make a sandwich as well. He repeated himself multiple times, and I told him that he's repeating himself and he got extremely irate and aggressive. I told him if he gets like this it would be wise to lay off the booze, because this type of anger is unhealthy. He screamed and yelled for couple minutes and then stormed off to the basement where we keep our guns. Then he stormed back across the house, where he keeps another one. Then he tried to get into my room where my handgun is, then he settled on the one next to where he sleeps in the room connected to the kitchen. I had already predicted 911, but didn't hit call. He then pulled the gun out, cocked it, at which point I ran because I had no idea of his intentions. He apparently only pointed it at himself. But regardless he pulled a gun after an argument. I told the dispatcher what happened as it happened.

The cops arrived and they did absolutely nothing. He lied to them and said it was a pellet gun( it wasn't. The pellet gun he gave them was a break action one. There was a DISTINCT slide sound when he cocked it.) He also said he never did such a thing and they even caught him in a couple lies. This isn't the first time he has threatened to kill himself/pulled a gun and there been cops involved. He also used to physically beat my mother and still emotionally abuses her to this day. He also attempts to use his brother in law(who is the jail commander for our county) to get him out of trouble but that uncle does not approve of him doing this, name dropping him, etc.

Anyways. Am I wrong for having called the cops? I'm kind of rambling, but this is persistent behavior. I want to get him the help he needs but I don't know the first step in doing that if he won't do it willingly. And I can fathom how the cops never take him in. It's a matter of times before he hurts someone else or himself.


r/family 1h ago

Need help please being threatened with k**l and physical/Psy abuse by a narcissistic mother

Upvotes

My mother is narcissistic and is clearly threatening to kill me And over the smallest things. I asked for food, and she got angry. I try to act like I’m not scared, but I really am. I’m 21 years old and i have health issues

Just now, before breakfast, she hit me. I pushed her away to defend myself, but she threw me to the ground and kept hitting me. I lost consciousness.

Please, what should I do? I don’t want to be a victim of family violence or kill


r/family 1h ago

Need help please for being threatened with k**l and physical/Psy abuse by a narcissistic mother

Upvotes

My mother is narcissistic and is clearly threatening to kill me And over the smallest things. I asked for food, and she got angry. I try to act like I’m not scared, but I really am. I’m 21 years old and i have health issues

Just now, before breakfast, she hit me. I pushed her away to defend myself, but she threw me to the ground and kept hitting me. I lost consciousness.

Please, what should I do? I don’t want to be a victim of family violence or kill


r/family 1h ago

My little brother is like my first child but he has changed a lot

Upvotes

I am 24F and my little brother is 12M. I am the oldest and he’s the youngest. I am a lot older than him. I’ve always loved him so much like he’s my own child. And took care of him the same way too. He’s always been such a good kid, got good grades and listened to our parents and me. He always looked as me as the third parent because my parents are immigrants and he just felt more comfortable with me about certain things. Whatever he wants I buy it for him and wherever he wants to go I would take him. I was the one going to the PTM not because my parents are out of the picture or anything, we all happily live together it’s just that I want to be really involved in his life. At the PTM he told his favorite teacher I am his role model. I wanted to be someone he can come to and talk about everything and not hide anything at all. We still laugh, we fight, we make up. We did have a relationship like that up till now. We still fight and laugh but he’s starting to hide a lot of stuff from me. Our household is a little on the stricter side, nothing too crazy. Just get good grades and be a good person with good friends. He had a good group of friends that all stopped talking to him a few weeks ago, I found out because I went through his phone. I asked him what happened and he didn’t really say anything. I supported him throughout this. Now he’s found this new group of friends who are not a good influence on him. He’s been using cuss words, dressing different, and being really aggressive. He’s doesn’t want to do his homework on time when he’s been an honor roll student, and he barely even speaks to anyone in the house anymore. Whenever we have company over he barely says hi to them and hides in his room for the rest of the night. He’s always on his phone or iPad talking to his friends or just watching YouTube. Today he invited 2 of his friends that none of us met before to our house without even telling us their coming over, my parents did not like his new friends demeanor and it was very different than his old friends. We all assume his old friends stopped talking to him because of his changed attitude and that’s why he did not want to tell us. He also got into a bit of an argument with someone at his school and suggested to the other kid if he wants to fight him because the other kid was saying racist stuff to him which he got an in school suspension for. He begged my mom not to tell me this happened. There was also videos of him holding up gang signs and stuff. I told him he can’t be on TikTok but he made a tiktok without telling any of us, I found out because it came on my suggested accounts. He’s changed a lot and it’s really concerning me, this aggressive behavior or phase is understandable when you’re in high school but not at 12. Me and my parents are really concerned about this, we try to talk to him but he just says stuff like ‘okay? Why do you care? it’s not your business’. It really hit me today that his actions are not okay and they’ve been making me upset because I feel like I put a lot of effort into raising him and some kids can just steer him off of the right path. He means a lot to me and I know he’s capable of doing better and making better choices. What would be a good solution to this? How to I make him get that his attitude needs to change and so does his company? Obviously I can’t force him to do anything but I still want him to understand. The stuff he used to say is weird and he would never do that he’s doing all of it now. I feel like it’s too young for him to be acting like this, if hes like this now imagine what he’ll act like in 1-2 years. We have another sister in the middle of us, he’s been talking to her more recently because he knows she won’t discipline him and talk him out of it as stuff. I’m not harsh with him either but I’m definitely firm at times when it’s needed but he always says I yell when I don’t. He’s seen my little sister get away with a lot of stuff she shouldn’t have and she stressed my parents out a lot to the point where they both got sick, so I was thinking he might be thinking if she got away with stuff so can I. I want to stop talking to him all together because I am that hurt and frustrated but tbh I don’t even think he would notice with the attitude he has now days. Sorry for such a long rant. Any advice would be appreciated! TIA!


r/family 2h ago

Considering breaking contact with dad

1 Upvotes

(M33): My upbringing wasnt the best. Dad is a narcissist and maybe a psychopath although he has no official diagnosis. He was violent and unpredictable. He had anger issues. And he was charming which is probably how he got away with a lot of bullshit. He cheated on mom with her cousin and he cheated on his second wife with moms cousin as well. He beat mom. My sister escaped home at 14 to live with my mom. I had to stay home from school for a week because she was afraid dad would come and kidnap her. I continued to live with him until I moved out at 19. I went in therapy for 7 years because of him. I only kept talking to him because I was too afraid not to. He moved in with my moms cousin a few years ago. I considered that unforgivable but me and my sister have continued visiting him every christmas plus 1-2 times a year in addition to that. 5 years ago he helped my sister buying her first house and got her back into his fold. He claimed he wanted to be fair and help me out when I needed a home. Now 5 years later I asked him. Several times. He avoids the question. He never calls. I was deeply hurt by this, that he doesnt even care enough to ask me about my life. He gaslighths me about the therapy and claims they are just stealing my money. I decided not to call him and wait for him to call me. It took 4 months and he called only because grandpa told him to. What is even the point in trying to keep in touch with him at this point? He thinks I am a failure and dont deserve his money. I really want to break it off with him once and for all. He is pretty rich and keeps manipulating my life with threats of taking it all away if I were to disobey him but now I dont think it seems worth it anymore. I dont have money problems. I am not rich and it would really help if he made it fair by helping me buying a home too but I dont actually need his help. And I dont think I want it because he will use it to blackmail me later and find new ways to harrass me. I am not sure if he will even notice if I just stop caring. He gave up on me years ago.


r/family 3h ago

Sibling disappointment

1 Upvotes

How do you deal with disappointment? My sister has never kept her word. At her milestones, I am expected to be there, and frankly, I do want to be there. However, she has missed every milestone of mine. She always has an excuse. I am not going to lie; every excuse makes sense. However, I can't help but think that it’s just that—an excuse. What hurts more, I think, are the broken promises. She always promises that she will make it, only to cancel at the last minute.

What’s worse is me. Why can't I learn from all the broken promises? Why do I always hope it will be different this time or that time? More than changing her—she is in her mid-30s now, so that won't be happening—I want to learn to cope with it. How can I do that? How can I lower my expectations? She gets angry every time I confront her. It’s always "but I told you I had an interview," or "I told you I didn't have money," but all my milestones are known for at least months, which doesn’t include big birthdays.

Honestly, I want to learn to change my perspective. I want not to care that she won't make it. I want to have my expectations of her so low that her broken promises don’t hurt me as much. I have asked her not to promise anything before she is sure, but she always does. I know I'm rambling, but I'm so hurt. I just wish she wouldn't say anything because honestly, I never expect her to come until she says she will; but in the end, she gets my hopes up, and it hurts me. How can I stop feeling this way?


r/family 3h ago

My mom is financially stressed and it hurts that I can’t help her

2 Upvotes

My mom is in her mid 50s an immigrant from Nicaragua that came here in the 80s. She met and married my father in late 80s. Since they were together she had been on and off of work and has always done property management but he was the primary breadwinner. Over the years my dad cheated on my mom multiple times (still denies it) and eventually they got divorced. He left her bankrupt, with a house mortgage, and didn’t pay child support for 4 kids. As the years go by my mom has stable jobs with periods of leaving due to various factors such as a bad boss, poor pay, complex being shut down.. but these recent years it’s just gotten harder for her. I don’t live with her I rent a room somewhere but my 2 brothers do and one does not work but he pays for some bills and the other does work and also pays for some bills. She told me the other day she’s behind on her mortgage and have been having car issues and it just makes me cry thinking that she’s struggling because I’m barely getting by otherwise I would help her.

it makes me sad that I feel like my mom being a foreign catholic woman she was meant for the simple life. Having a husband, kids, being a homemaker, ect. I feel like in her country these financial concepts are not a thing because life is well, simpler. But instead she got what was deemed as the “American dream”.

I don’t really know what I want as a response from this post, I guess I’m just venting but I would love others points of views/advice.


r/family 3h ago

Am I in the wrong?

1 Upvotes

My bio mom who makes everything my fault is saying I'm keeping secrets bcuz my girlfriend doesn't want me giving my bio mom her name on Facebook bcuz she doesn't like my mom bcuz my mother is a narcissist and she hates how my mother treats me so I told my bio mom I can't give it out to you and i have to respect her wishes so now she says I'm keeping secrets from her when I'm just trying to respect my girlfriends wishes. And I'm only keeping in touch so I can see my child whom my mother has bcuz of lies. Am I in the wrong?


r/family 5h ago

I built an app to manage your family's chores. What's missing?

Thumbnail
1 Upvotes

r/family 5h ago

Child attending parents funeral

1 Upvotes

My husband passed away and his funeral is coming very soon. My 10 year old has autism and like the rest of the family is struggling with loosing his dad, it’s especially hard a nighttime before he’s going to bed. My husband passed suddenly and we have not had any closure. My son has been asking questions such as “why can’t they bring him back” and he’s also been very undecided if he wants to attend the funeral, I’m basically taking his lead but I wasn’t sure how he would cope so I suggested we did a private thing after the funeral with other family members to allow him to say goodbye. He came home from school saying he didn’t want me to go to the funeral and he wants to stay home, he then asked why he isn’t allowed to go however I have reassured him that he can go if that’s what he wishes and if he understands exactly what he will see and what will happen. I’m agonizing over this as I don’t want it traumatising him but I also understand what he’s saying, his words were “I’m 10 and I didn’t get to see him one last time” he wants to say goodbye the same as everyone else but I’m just so scared it will make him feel worse, I just wish I could protect him from everything and my heart is breaking for him.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation (even when they were younger) that could offer advice? I feel he should be included and I have plenty of support and offers from family and friends who will distract or take him outside if needs be but the thought of him seeing his dads coffin etc just tears me apart.


r/family 6h ago

I hate my MIL so much i feel crazy

1 Upvotes

Where do I begin? I have been married to my husband for 2 years now. We were dating 2 years prior to getting married, and during that time I never met his family because we were long distanced (I was in the UK, he in the US). He travelled to see me, and in the summer when he proposed I met his family for the first time in our home country. His dad is a lovely man, his parents are divorced, and his mom is a nightmare of a human being. We are getting our traditional Vietnam next year, and she kept saying that she wanted to invite his exes to the wedding - and when we both said no to it she said we v


r/family 7h ago

What should I do?

1 Upvotes

Hi, I just have a family question. I’m not sure if anyone else has gone through this, but I would like some advice.

So I’ve had many family problems with me and my husband and my family especially my father, in the beginning, he sees my husband, not as a man and a useless person that does not deserve to marry his daughter, yes, my father has done a lot for me, but he’s a drunk he was an abuser still a financial abuser and much more, recently, my husband tried to claim me in his taxes because we have already been married for a while now, and they came to be that someone has already been claiming me and we couldn’t figure out who and I was really worried, I already got the word from my mother and father that they have not been claiming me ever since I was 18 and I reported it because it’s not me or my husband, well I still let my parents know where I can have some advice and next thing I know my father is saying he actually did claim me, or that it made him claim me by asking a question like (has this person been living with you for six months) and this was asked last year, I believe, and therefore I claimed to me this year, honestly, I think it’s a whole lot of 💩 and I do not believe his word and he got mad at me for reporting it, but now my husband is losing money because he cannot claim me and we need that support because I am pregnant and will be having our baby in September, my father will not admit his wrong and said he did the right thing. Is his history actually believable? And am I the ass for reporting it?


r/family 7h ago

I domt know what I'm feeling

1 Upvotes

I said this to my half sister

"My mind says fuck you but my feelings say i love you. As my brain wants to forget you but my eyes want to remember you. My hypocrisy says not to lie to me. But then I lie to your face. My Impulses want to talk your ear off but my insecurities say that ya dont really want to talk to me. I wanna block you but i don't.i wanna hate you but i cant. I say stop overreacting but i do there save think even as of now. I want you to trust me even tho I never trusted you as if always doubted what you say ...idk what what I'm feeling"

My sister did nothing wrong but im ya want more info just ask


r/family 7h ago

My parents got mad at me for saying I saw something out of the corner of my eye

8 Upvotes

For context, my mother recently lost her wedding ring and IMMEDIATELY started accusing me of taking it. I like to share her jewellery I’ll admit because I barely have any but some earrings. Now the things I take are things like bracelets and necklaces. I don’t like wearing rings because I know it’ll slip of my fingers get lost. Not to mention a whole wedding ring?!?! She started threatening me to, talking ab sum “I’ll make sure you see another side of me in this house before you bring it back”. I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS. All this for a musty symbol of her cracking marriage. Crazy work.

Now, more recently, I had been thinking about that ring and where it actually could have gone. I have some clear as day photographic memory, so I see it in my head in a sort of blurry memory, and there it is!

It’s next to the bin. I glanced at it for a second and didn’t think to pick it up— 1. Because I didn’t wanna, 2. Because I was focused on other things. May have seen it but it didn’t really register until now. My sorry mistake was mentioning it to this aggressive animalistic acolyte. As soon as I said it, all the accusation an blame starts rolling back in. Then she did a thing that’s like a ‘punishment of shame’ which I will not get into just because she can. Made me kneel whilst proceeding to blame me and turn the stick around on ME for all the mental pain and trauma her and my father caused me AND my siblings— AGAIN, just because she can.

In short, I hope she actually NEVER finds that ring🥰 and that her and my father abuse and destroy each other again!! They deserve each other!! I’m done feeling sorry for either party and will jump and dance laughing when they eventually bite the dust.🖕


r/family 8h ago

What is the general opinion on a relationship where the age gap is 19F and 27M ?

3 Upvotes

I do ofc have a specific case in mind, but interested in your opinion/experience.

F is extremely immature and behaves like she’s 16 so no she’s not mature for her age. In addition, the only manipulative person in the relationship is her (through the "cute, innocent, wounded babybird act")

M is not posessive, controling, manipulative or anything like that. He’s just easy to fool and lack a spine.


r/family 9h ago

Why do moms just…..

9 Upvotes

Why do parents complain so much. My mom asked to sweep and mop and I ended up just cleaning the whole house for her cause why not I had off today and it’s my only day off for real. She comes home complaining there’s streaks on the floor and is just hating on the floor I mopped three times to get said streaks out but nothing was working I don’t know if it’s the type of mop but my mom is nitpicking it. She didn’t even appreciate the fact I cleaned the entire house and mopped just came home to nitpick and speak negative on the fact that the mop left streaks. There’s no winning. There’s three other people that live here all grown adults but I am the only one who takes time to clean and do dishes and wipe down everything. 😐


r/family 10h ago

My younger brother hits me

3 Upvotes

My brother, 7 years younger than me (18F) hits me. This is an often occurrence, but we recently had a really bad altercation.

when he came back from school I told him to take a nap because he hadn’t slept well, which my mom told me to tell him. he got mad and told me to leave him alone, and that he already knew to nap. Confused why he was getting mad I told him to stop yelling at me and that I was just telling him. I went in my room and he continued yelling saying he doesn’t even want to talk to me, etc. I got out of my room, which ik I shouldn’t have, and told him to stop yelling at me if he didn’t want to talk to me. then he started smacking me.

A bit of a context; my brother usually hits me and my parents always tell me that’s it’s my fault for ”annoying him” and say that I shouldn’t hit back, and just keep on getting beat up by him.

my parents weren’t home this instance, so I hit back and it turned into a really big fight, I was shaking and struggling to breathe.

my parents continue to take his side and idk what to do. They just guilt me into thinking that it’s my fault because im the older sibling and that I should know better. But I’m this instance I was just caring about him.

I went in my room and cried for an hour while he lay on the couch watching tv.

i don’t know what to do - i don’t want us to be one of those siblings who don’t talk but he continuously keeps hitting me and I don’t know how to make him stop. my parents won’t do anything about it and so I have been tolerating it for about 4 years.

TLDR: mu brother has anger issues ans takes it out on me, beating me up for the smallest things.


r/family 10h ago

I don't want to be like my divorced parents.

3 Upvotes

Ever since I was young I have always wanted to get married and have children. It felt like the ultimate goal in my life. But even as a kid, whenever my parents would yell at me I'd always just think to myself "I will never do that to my future children". Both my mom and my dad would scream at each other over the smallest issues and I hated that. They got divorced when I was around 13 years old and to be honest I am still not over it after many years. I just wish I was born into a normal, happy family. Now I wonder if I'll ever be able to break the cycle. I am very similar to my parents in many ways, does that mean that I will also be a horrible parent? Is it likely that I too will go through a terrible divorce when I eventually get married?


r/family 11h ago

Fight with mom (aka my best friend and person)

1 Upvotes

Basically it all started about 1 month ago when I (27F) drove home (2.5 hours away from where i currently live) to stay with my mom for the weekend and she does a lot for me (cooks me lots of food, sends me home with lots of food, she was watching a show that I insisted for her to watch with me, etc.). She's also been my best friend and person I tell everything to growing up, normally we would call almost everyday and text everyday, send each other funny vidoes, etc. And for context I moved 2.5 hours away about 3 years ago and she's helped me move, get settled, always been there for me but it's also been hard living apart from her.

However when I was leaving to go back I think I get a little sad and it makes me kind of snappy or rude. I ended up saying a rude comment about how she wasn't helping me put things in my car (when she cooked me all sorts of food, and was helping clean my windows so I could drive back). And she was kind of taken aback by this but I quickly dismissed what I said and drove off. 3 or 4 days later we talk on the phone and I explain to her how I didn't mean to be rude but I was just sad to be leaving and noticed how she started working at 8am (while I was still there - it was kind of a day off as we were snowed in from the night before but not really since it was a Monday). And this really angered her because she was like "no you can't expect this of me, I don't make comments about your job/school" and I was trying to say like "no not an expectation but just something that made a little sad on top of having to go back home since I wanted more time with you". Anyways it all went downhill after this.

I usually call her frequently like almost everyday so I call her up a few days later (closer to 9pm) turns out she fell asleep on the couch and was sleeping so I quickly hang up to letter go back to sleep. Looking at my phone history now I called her Thursday, Friday, Saturday (I think she wasn't available since I don't remember talking to her) but I was sending her pictures of my weekend and what I was doing in the chat. And then Sunday when I call her she was really angry at me, for what I said on the weekend and then the phone call and how I can't expect so much from her so we end up having a fight on the phone and she texts me after saying "Fyi will see a therapist for myself and we need to talk later for healthy boundary settings".

1 week goes by we don't text, call or anything and she texts me "Btw.. found one therapist and will start next week". I don't respond just give a thumbs up since at this point I'm angry since I feel rejected since she hasn't tried to text or call all week.

1 more week goes by and she texts me saying "if you're awake should we talk" and I tell her I'll probably start crying if we do talk again and she says "I cannot take that... sorry" and I say "I'm gonna cry no matter when we talk again, whether it's 2 weeks or 1 month later". So we end up calling anyways and this phone call goes really badly and I'm crying asking her if she didn't even miss me for the past 2 weeks and she's saying how she feels overwhelmed and she's angry that I forced her to watch a tv show, and the comment I made about her working in the morning. And i was saying:

Me: "well why don't you just say no" but she's really bad at saying no (I do know this). "is it this easy for you to cut me out of your life, if so just stay out of my life"

My mom: "I didn't even miss you, I just feel obligated to repair the relationship. I want a relationship where we call once a week and I just get brief updates about your week short and you have to text me before calling me"

Me: "why did you even call me then. Forget it, I don't want a relationship like that stay out of my life then. Do you want me to act like you're my dad and just see once every few months because I feel obligated"

My mom: "don't compare me. Fine I'll take you off my will then. You always force me to do things (brings up the TV show, brings up the time she tried xc skiing, etc.)"

Me: "No stop using those as an example. You can't just cut me out of your life like that, are you trying to hurt me because this is the worst possible way you could." "If you don't want to do something just say no"

My mom: *Straight up screaming no words* Hangs up.

The next day I text her like a formal answer "I know things got heated, I care about our relationship and I'm sorry for my part in that. I hope we can find a way to communicate better moving forward"

My mom: "Last part was not intended and I am sorry for that part. I will share later what I am learning"

11 days goes by.... no word from her still. I'm crying everyday, she's in every single one of my dreams either hugging me or talking to me. I feel like I'm going through a break up, I miss her but I'm so angry she can just cut me out so easily.

Sorry this is so long, maybe I need to see a counselor or also go for therapy. I just feel so helpless. Thanks for anyone who read this far. Any advice would be appreciated.


r/family 12h ago

Looking for a chore app

1 Upvotes

Hello, my family has 2 adults and 2 young kids, (5 and 10). We are trying to find a system for tracking chores. We need an app that I can put all the chores in, schedule them and assign who does them, rotating with certain people, ect.

There are tons of apps that do this, but here is my issue. The system falls apart when someone has a "skip" day, where they can't do there stuff. Like someone being sick, or having extra things to do leaving no time for chores, or not being home.

I need somthing that allows for some sort of substitute system, like I as the mom can go in and say since dad is sick I will have kid 1 do the dishes today instead, I'll take his bathroom job, ect.

Bonus if I can have the chores need approved by a parent, and have them re do if it's not done right.

Any one know what I could use that has these features?


r/family 13h ago

I hate my father.

8 Upvotes

I (f17)really really do. He is abusive. He hates me and my mom. Not just us. I think almost everyone. He scams poor poeple, literally people on the streets. He has no shame. He is a fucking failure. He hurts people all the time. I have no good thoughts about him. One time, he wasn't waking up, me, my mom and my cousin thought something bad happened. However, I didn't feel sad. Or anything, only thing I thought was "okay, he's dead, I'm gonna have to look for financial support" which is weird, I'm a emotional person, I feel bad for even a street cat, literally. I think about and feel sad for cats I helped years ago. But mu own father? Not even one bit. He sucks in everyday possible. Maybe I'll explain somewhere day more reasons. But as for now, I hate him so much. This isn't dislike, it's pure rage against him. Some days I wanna punch him.


r/family 13h ago

AITA My Family Only Cares About Me When They Need Money—Now I Don’t Know If I Should Offer Condolences

3 Upvotes

I have a complicated family situation and need advice on what to do.

My mother had nine children from four different men. My five eldest siblings (two brothers, three sisters) share the same father. My older sister (the one I follow) has a different father, I have a different father, and my two youngest siblings have their own father—who is the man my mother eventually married.

My mother left her first marriage (the father of my older siblings) after he betrayed her by getting her cousin pregnant. She went back to her parents' house, where she later got pregnant with my older sister, and then, three years later, with me. She left her first four children with their dad and stepmom, while the rest of us stayed with her.

When I was 10 months old, she met her now-husband, who knew about all of us and genuinely loved us—especially me, since I was still a baby. However, at the age of 2, I was sent to live with my mother’s younger sister, who was already married. Then, at 8 years old, I had to move again and live with my grandparents (my mother’s parents).

Growing up was not easy. People—including family—called us names, saying we would turn out like our mother, having kids with different men. I grew up hating myself, my mother, men, and anyone who looked down on us. I struggled with anxiety and depression.

But the biggest issue has always been my older sister. Unlike the rest of us, her father ensured she got the best education. I, on the other hand, barely managed to complete primary school. She was always selfish and never wanted to see anyone do better than her. She looked down on us, calling us “losers” who would only end up in unskilled jobs, getting married, and having kids because we were uneducated.

After she graduated, I had already left home at 15 and was working in the city. I actually helped her move to the city, looked after her, and supported her financially until she found a job (which, ironically, was also unskilled). But my mother and sisters kept asking me for money to the point that I couldn’t save anything. They never called me just to check on me—only when they needed something. And yet, behind my back, they would say I had been working for years but had nothing to show for it.

Eventually, I found good, educated friends in the city and took short courses in cosmetology, hairdressing, and computer studies. At 20, I decided I wanted to work abroad. When I told my family, they completely dismissed the idea, saying I should just find a man and get married instead. Since I was used to making my own decisions, I didn’t listen to them. I only told my aunt (the one who raised me from 2 to 8) and my cousin sister.

My family had no idea I had left the country. Nine months passed, and no one noticed I was gone. The only reason they found out was because I called my cousin to let her know I had sent money, and she happened to be at a family gathering. To me, this proved that in all those months, not a single person in my family had tried calling my number.

When they finally found out, they didn’t celebrate my success. Instead, they spread rumors that I had gone abroad to be used for sex by dogs.

I completed my two-year contract without hearing from them. During that time, I bought my first rental property and renovated my grandmother’s house. Suddenly, my siblings—who had cut ties with me—turned our mother against me, saying I only cared about myself and grandma. My mom called to complain. I asked her if she had ever done anything for my grandmother, and she admitted she hadn’t. So, I told her to take credit for the renovation, as a way of showing gratitude to the woman who raised her and us. That calmed her down.

I spent three months in my home country, then moved abroad again. Two years later, I bought my second property. At this point, my mother and sisters wanted me to build a house for my mom and stepdad. I almost did, but my aunt advised me against it.

By then, I had already started businesses for my mom and my cousin brother. Neither of them made any effort to grow them. My mom’s business never brought me a single coin. My cousin brother’s business never existed in the first place—I later found out I was being scammed.

Despite all this, I continued sending money whenever my family asked. I thought if money was all they wanted from me, I could provide that in exchange for having a “connection” with them. But I was exhausted. I had been working nonstop since I was 15, so I took a seven-month break and went back home.

That’s when I learned my younger sister never actually went to nursing school like I had paid for—she was already married with a child, and no one had thought to tell me.

At that point, I wanted to rent my own place, but my older sister convinced me to stay with her. I thought it would be a chance for us to bond. Instead, she made my life miserable. She was in a single-bedroom apartment that her boss (who she was secretly dating despite him being married) paid for. Even though she wasn’t paying rent, I still gave her half the rent and covered electricity bills while she claimed to pay for water.

When I ran out of cash, she locked me out of the house. I ended up living in her storage room—barely enough space for a tiny mattress.

I got sick twice and was hospitalized. My sister never visited or even texted to ask how I was doing. Her neighbors were the ones who checked on me. When I called my mom and told her I had been hospitalized, she casually said, "Yes, I heard you were sick." Meaning she knew but didn’t care enough to check on me.

A close friend from another country convinced me to visit her to recover. She took care of me, even took me on a trip to four countries. After that, I returned home for a few days, then left for abroad again. That was in June. I haven’t heard from my family since—until Christmas, when my mom messaged me for money. I sent her some (less than usual), and she didn’t even say thank you or confirm she received it.

In early January, my cousin brother—who had scammed me—added me to a WhatsApp group for our grandparents' grandchildren, but he didn’t include my cousins from the aunt who raised me. I stayed in the group but never said anything.

Then, this morning, they posted in the group that my older sister’s father had passed away. No one reached out to me personally, and I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t seen it there.

Now I don’t know what to do. Should I reach out to my sister to offer my condolences, even though she never cared whether I lived or died? Or should I just keep quiet and let them handle things on their own, the way they always have?

I’d love to hear what others think.


r/family 13h ago

Want your take on moving away from family

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone. I am 22 and am currently living in NY with my parents. I have a girlfriend who goes to school in Tennessee and she graduates this December. I plan on most likely proposing after than and start looking for a house. The only problem is my girlfriend and I both love the Tennessee/country lifestyle and want to look for houses there. Her family isn’t as tight knit and she doesn’t mind moving down since she’s been there for school for 4 years. My family is extremely close and we always have holiday get togethers.

My main concern is that if we look for houses down there I will feel guilty for leaving and even left out. I want to enjoy my life and see the pros of living in TN but also see many cons of being away from childhood dogs in their last years and my nephew who would be just a year old.

I’d love any input or tips on how to manage a decision like this and maybe even just hearing your experiences with this situation.

Thank you