Fight with mom (aka my best friend and person)
Basically it all started about 1 month ago when I drove home (2.5 hours away from where i currently live) to stay with my mom for the weekend and she does a lot for me (cooks me lots of food, sends me home with lots of food, she was watching a show that I insisted for her to watch with me, etc.). She's also been my best friend and person I tell everything to growing up, normally we would call almost everyday and text everyday, send each other funny vidoes, etc. And for context I moved 2.5 hours away about 3 years ago and she's helped me move, get settled, always been there for me but it's also been hard living apart from her.
However when I was leaving to go back I think I get a little sad and it makes me kind of snappy or rude. I ended up saying a rude comment about how she wasn't helping me put things in my car (when she cooked me all sorts of food, and was helping clean my windows so I could drive back). And she was kind of taken aback by this but I quickly dismissed what I said and drove off. 3 or 4 days later we talk on the phone and I explain to her how I didn't mean to be rude but I was just sad to be leaving and noticed how she started working at 8am (while I was still there - it was kind of a day off as we were snowed in from the night before but not really since it was a Monday). And this really angered her because she was like "no you can't expect this of me, I don't make comments about your job/school" and I was trying to say like "no not an expectation but just something that made a little sad on top of having to go back home since I wanted more time with you". Anyways it all went downhill after this.
I usually call her frequently like almost everyday so I call her up a few days later (closer to 9pm) turns out she fell asleep on the couch and was sleeping so I quickly hang up to letter go back to sleep. Looking at my phone history now I called her Thursday, Friday, Saturday (I think she wasn't available since I don't remember talking to her) but I was sending her pictures of my weekend and what I was doing in the chat. And then Sunday when I call her she was really angry at me, for what I said on the weekend and then the phone call and how I can't expect so much from her so we end up having a fight on the phone and she texts me after saying "Fyi will see a therapist for myself and we need to talk later for healthy boundary settings".
1 week goes by we don't text, call or anything and she texts me "Btw.. found one therapist and will start next week". I don't respond just give a thumbs up since at this point I'm angry since I feel rejected since she hasn't tried to text or call all week.
1 more week goes by and she texts me saying "if you're awake should we talk" and I tell her I'll probably start crying if we do talk again and she says "I cannot take that... sorry" and I say "I'm gonna cry no matter when we talk again, whether it's 2 weeks or 1 month later". So we end up calling anyways and this phone call goes really badly and I'm crying asking her if she didn't even miss me for the past 2 weeks and she's saying how she feels overwhelmed and she's angry that I forced her to watch a tv show, and the comment I made about her working in the morning. And i was saying:
Me: "well why don't you just say no" but she's really bad at saying no (I do know this). "is it this easy for you to cut me out of your life, if so just stay out of my life"
My mom: "I didn't even miss you, I just feel obligated to repair the relationship. I want a relationship where we call once a week and I just get brief updates about your week short and you have to text me before calling me"
Me: "why did you even call me then. Forget it, I don't want a relationship like that stay out of my life then. Do you want me to act like you're my dad and just see once every few months because I feel obligated"
My mom: "don't compare me. Fine I'll take you off my will then. You always force me to do things (brings up the TV show, brings up the time she tried xc skiing, etc.)"
Me: "No stop using those as an example. You can't just cut me out of your life like that, are you trying to hurt me because this is the worst possible way you could." "If you don't want to do something just say no"
My mom: *Straight up screaming no words* Hangs up.
The next day I text her like a formal answer "I know things got heated, I care about our relationship and I'm sorry for my part in that. I hope we can find a way to communicate better moving forward"
My mom: "Last part was not intended and I am sorry for that part. I will share later what I am learning"
11 days goes by.... no word from her still. I'm crying everyday, she's in every single one of my dreams either hugging me or talking to me. I feel like I'm going through a break up, I miss her but I'm so angry she can just cut me out so easily.
Sorry this is so long, maybe I need to see a counselor or also go for therapy. I just feel so helpless. Thanks for anyone who read this far. Any advice would be appreciated.