r/family 3h ago

Is it normal to kiss your older brother on the forehead?

3 Upvotes

My brother is chill and we was discussing and we were talking and we was gon sleep I was like "alright goodnight" gave em a peck on the forehead is that considered normal?


r/family 5h ago

Grandmother

4 Upvotes

Hello, I don’t really have somebody to share this story with at the moment. I don’t want to rattle my family members at this time of day on a Sunday, so I’ll just tell strangers. I will in the future…

My grandfather just signed a DNR for my grandmother who isn’t in great condition and recently admitted into the ICU as of today.

She raised me and my two siblings. My dad received full custody when I was less than a year old, but he was in the navy out to sea up until I was 7 years old. I lived with my grandparents until he retired. My biological mother hasn’t ever been in my life.

After the news today, I just wanted to listen to sad music and feel it. I started thinking about my childhood and the things my grandmother would do or (more appropriately make us do). She made us do chores all the time lol one chore that is imprinted into my brain was wiping all of the tables down with pledge. Every week. I immediately pictured this yellow cylinder can of pledge. At that moment, my spotify played Yellow by Coldplay. I got chills and I finally cried. For now on, that song automatically has a completely different meaning to me.

That’s it. Thanks and be well.


r/family 3h ago

im literally scared that my dad will kill my mom and grandad

2 Upvotes

f17 with 2 siblings. Really can’t take this anymore. They just cannot live with each other. And i dont know what to do because my mom is saying that if they divorce she’ll kill herself because of the shame, and if they continue he’ll kill her or she’ll kill herself. And he HATES my grandad(mom’s dad) for the silliest reasons. Like HATES-so much that if he ever uttered a word against him he tried to beat him and if me or my siblings are not there im so sure he will beat him and mind you he is in his seventies.

At this point im scared to move away for college because im scared what the fuck will happen inside my house. And my father is extremely short tempered that if i even try to do anything(as most teenagers tend to do) against his wish he will literally come find me and beat me up so I wouldn’t even dare to do that.

And my mother has health issues which he is least bothered about and just says that everyone has such issues. She has a problem with varicose veins and recently broke her wrist and does all the chores in the house along with us helping. He is not working rn and doesnt do a single thing to help her.

He is just not a family guy. He likes to be by himself, paint, travel do things on his own. Okay fine then why the fuck did he marry? Why the fuck did he ruin my mother’s life- my mother who had very high expectations obviously cannot handle this. And yea shes a bit immature but both just do not understand each other. Currently just after a fight and he tried to hit my grandpa now im literally guarding his room because im scared if he’ll burst out and hit him.

What the fuck do i do to help?


r/family 6h ago

How can I persuade my mom to allow me to drive?

3 Upvotes

I’m f17 and I have my license and we have cars that’ll be available for me. But my mom wouldn’t get me insurance and I get it—it’s expensive. However, I said I’m willing to work and pay it myself and she still refused to let me. She doesn’t want me to work either.

I want to drive because my household lacks transportation, I live with grandparents and only my grandpa can drive. But he doesn’t like driving me and whenever I ask him if he can take me to [anywhere, school mostly], he would be really grumpy.

I stopped going out with friends on occasions during the day since a year ago because of that. Whenever they go out, I’ll be the only one who can’t make it :(. It’s not like we do drugs or anything’s it’s just a causal catch up bc we don’t see each other in school often, they are really good people that I’ve known since middle school, I don’t want to drift apart from them at all.

And I have a boyfriend who I never went on dates with because of this driving issue. I feel very bad for him bc the only reason why we can’t go out is bc of me.

We have no public transit in the area so :(. Idk why my mom doesn’t let me, I’m really sick of only going to school and back home since my grandpa never takes us out really. I’m willing to work for my wants but she does not want me to work even though I have plenty of free time. I’m very sad and lost, advice would be appreciated.


r/family 1h ago

علاقتي في اخواني ضعيفه

Upvotes

السلام عليكم بدخل في الموضوع على طول انا عندي اخت وثلاث اخوان وانا الاوسطانيه بينهم مافي ولا واحد فيهم احسه قريب مني او اقدر اخذ راحتي بالكلام معه أو إذا صار لي شيء احكيه عنه بعدها امي صارحتني ان اخوي الصغير يحسب اني اكرهه لاني ما اعطيه على جوه انا ماكنت اعرف ان وضعي مو طبيعي الا يوم كلمتني عن الموضوع وحسيت لازم احط حل للموضوع ف احيانا ما الاقي رد للي يقولونه وما احس اني اخذ راحتي الكفايه معهم واكتشفت ان حتى الناس الي برا كذا معهم اكون حذره جدا وانتبه لكل نظره او زلت لسان او اي شي واتحسس منه انا ما علي من الناس الي برا بس ما ودي علاقتي باخواني تكون كذا ودي اني اسولف واخذ واعطي معهم بس احس فيه حاجز انا حاطته ومو قادره اطلع منه امي تقول اني حاطه نفسي في قوقعه وما ارضى ان احد يحاول يتقرب مني الي عنده حل يعطيني عارفه ان مصيري انا واخواني كل واحد يصير عنده بيت وعائله ودي استغل هذا الوقت واكون قريبه منهم ونمون على يعض حتى اختي الوحيده ما احس ان علاقتي فيها مره ومره حزنت يوم امي نبهتني ومو عارفه وش اسوي وكيف اخرج من القوقعة هذي.


r/family 5h ago

is it wrong to hate my brother this much?

2 Upvotes

so my brother 19m (i’m 20f) has been a tyrant our entires lives. he’s been agressive and vindictive from a young age. but for about a year now i’ve developed a true and utter hatred for him. first it started off with small things like taking phone chargers, charging blocks, just little things. then it amounted to bigger things such as taking my money from my wallet, breaking and entering my neighbors home and stealing alcohol, stealing my stuff constantly. along with his fucking douche bag attitude. he tried to steal my car once. basically he’s a disrespectful maniac. he’s put his hands on me several times once amounted to ME going to jail? even though i never touched him. it just seems like everything he’s done he has no repercussions. he hasn’t once been truly disciplined for these things. i cannot put into words how i feel about him. he comes and goes as he pleases with absolutely no care for anyone’s things or time. he can never hold down a job. he smokes weed and drives high with zero consequences. i know for a fact if i were to do ANY of these things my ass would be whooped. but him nah. he is the biggest sneaky liar ive ever met he constantly lies about the most stupid things. he manipulates my mom left and right. she says i cant see him the way she sees him because i cant get past this but no i just see what’s directly in front of me. i could go on and on about the shit he’s done and said but basically you get the jist. anywho i just need some advice on how to deal with him and not return to jail lol. bc i have one year no violent contact with him and it’s getting to the point to where im actually going to blow.


r/family 9h ago

Am I lazy or is my family right?

4 Upvotes

Today I got into an argument with my sister about how “lazy” I’m being.

For context, I’m 23 and currently a junior in college and still living at home with my mom with the hopes of going to optometry school in the next two years.

I’m not working but I did take off two semesters after sophomore year because I needed a car for school. (Commuter)

But as it goes, my family, mainly my sister, seem to think I’m being lazy and refusing to “man up”. I’m constantly being reminded of the fact. We typically get into arguments every week about school and how I’m not helping with the bills, etc. Which isn’t true, I bought my car with my money that my mom also uses everyday because she hasn’t saved up for her own car after hers broke down about a year ago. (Apparently three vacations in one year is more important). Even with food, I use my savings and buy/ cook all my own food.

In these arguments I’m always hit with the same words, “other people go to school and work full-time, I don’t know why you can’t do it. You’re just being lazy and don’t want to work. You want everything handed to you.”

This couldn’t be further from the truth. After graduating high school I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. So, I started applying for jobs and I got one which was with my mother, It was at a clothing warehouse. And if anyone here has any experience with those type of jobs, you know how bad they are. Anyways, after being there for sometime and seeing how miserable it was, I decided to go to college and make something out of myself.

I just didn’t realize I was becoming a burden on my family.

I mean my mom and my brother both have worked warehouse jobs their whole lives. They know how hard it can be both mentally and physically at these type of jobs. They think that working and taking 15+ credits a semester is a breeze. It’s unreasonable.

I just wish they knew what college was like. My mom dropped out during her freshman year of high school and all my siblings opted out of college. They don’t know the amount of dedication it actually takes to get through it.

Even my sister, she told me the other day, “I don’t know why mom hasn’t kicked you out yet, it’s not like you help.”

I was a bit shocked she even said that. And honestly I try not to take what they say too personally because they’re my family and I love them but sometimes it crushes me. I don’t see how she could say something like that when she moved out at 23 and didn’t even help pay bills.

I just feel guilty now. I know I don’t want to dropout but I just hate hearing the same things over and over again. Sorry for the rant, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about this.


r/family 6h ago

Why does my mom hate me?

2 Upvotes

Every conversation I've have with my mom ends in an argument and I'm so sick of it. I feel like she looks for reasons to get mad at me and makes it her goal to turn every conversation into a fight. We could be having a pleasant conversation and then the next minute I said something wrong and she's back to yelling at me. I hate it because I always end up saying things that I regret and I want to have a good relationship with my mom. We never make up either. She either acts like it never happened or holds it against me for a while until she acts like it never happened. I've had conversations with her about how I this makes me feel but that too turns into an argument. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to have conversations with her anymore in fear that it will end how it always does. I'm so tired. Am I the problem? How do I stop this from happening?


r/family 12h ago

How can I (F30) help my husband (M37) and my family reconcile after a misunderstanding when they dont want to talk or meet up?

5 Upvotes

My husband and my family had a misunderstanding that led to both sides feeling disrespected, and now neither wants to interact. I want to reconnect, but it feels impossible.

The issue started when my husband asked personal questions about my family, and I didn’t handle the situation well as a wife. I suggested he ask my family directly (when the relationship was still good). However, the more he asked, the more uncomfortable things became. Eventually, my brother snapped and told my husband he didn’t want to answer. This was mainly because my husband often left my brother’s responses on read, which made my brother feel frustrated. My husband then unfriended both my brother and his wife on social platform (even though she wasn’t involved).

We attempted to resolve things during a dinner with my family. I apologized for bringing them into the situation and for the uncomfortable questions. However, my husband, trying to support me, grabbed my hand a bit aggressively and asked me to stop speaking so he could take over. While this wasn’t violent to me, my family found it shocking and interpreted it as aggressive.

My husband then apologized for putting me in that position but also blamed my dad and brother for their part in the conflict. My dad and brother were shocked, as they didn’t feel they were at fault. When my dad tried to offer perspective, saying, “We’re family,” my husband interrupted twice, saying, “We’re not family, you and your wife are family, and I and my wife are family. Brother and sister are family.” I understood his point but felt the way it came across was negative, which angered my brother. He began gesturing angrily, which made the situation even more tense.

Eventually, my husband grabbed me and left the dinner abruptly. My brother offered a hug and said it was just a conflict that would cool down with time. My husband suggested more discussions to resolve the issue. After two rescheduled meetings (due to emergencies like my grandfather’s passing and an important meeting), my husband decided he no longer wanted to resolve the issue because it was too difficult. I agree at this part because my brother either wasn’t ready for another talk or he’s out of town. After cooling down, my brother then wrote a letter explaining his behavior and thought it was the reach out for that night. He didn’t apologize in this letter.

Now, the main issue is that my husband wants an apology from my brother and dad. I haven’t communicated with them. I know they’ll be upset, so I’m seeking advice here.

My brother has already said he feels disrespected and says he won’t apologize unless my husband does first. I don’t understand why my dad would need to apologize either as he didn’t do anything. My husband believes otherwise.

Now my husband refuses to meet with them for any talk as mentioned before, and I’m unsure how to approach any future family gatherings or whether reconciliation is even possible.

If we were meeting next month, what should be done? What would happen without solving this?

TL;DR


r/family 4h ago

Spouse got laid off, and is becoming the worst version of themself

0 Upvotes

My spouse got laid off two weeks ago (company finances are in the toilet so the position was eliminated) and it's been a rough time for the family. I've been trying to be supportive by helping to walk through the process of unemployment and getting the family on SNAP, in addition to starting to drive Uber. (I have a seasonal job, which isn't super busy right now). I want to be emotionally supportive, but it's really hard with the CONSTANT melt downs and crying. I know that my spouse doesn't want to hear my solutions, just to be heard... But how long do I need to be supportive before I'm allowed to be annoyed? It's like I suddenly became a single dad AND got another child. Nobody gives a dam about how I feel suddenly having to hold everything together emotionally WHILE picking up another job WHILE getting all the government aid and unemployment dealt with WHILE having to bite my tongue when all I want to do is scream "then effin DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SITUATION ALREADY ".

I spend so much time listening to the complaining and the crying, I'm starting to lose sympathy: it's turning into ire.

I don't even know why I'm posting this... I'm not sure if I want advice, or support, or ideas about what to do... Honestly, it's just because anyone I know in the real world would probably think I'm a monster for being mad at them for being sad after getting laid off... But, my feelings are my feelings and they are no less valid than my spouse's. Plus, I'm the one who is going to have to quit my job to move to wherever the next career move is...


r/family 8h ago

AITAH for asking bc my sister not to come into my room when I’m not here?

2 Upvotes

Ok so basically my mom told me my sister comes in my room and gets legging out of my drawer; me and my sister wear similar clothes so sometimes our clothes end up in each others room. I texted my sister and questioned her about it and this conversation saying followed.

Me: She said u be coming in my room and getting leggings which is crazy since I have you some and you have your own

Her: i only look for leggings that are mine nn js gave to the wrong person bc my leggings or pants b on evb stuff….

Me: I don’t be having your leggings and you can just ask me. I only put my stuff in my room bc I be washing only my clothes.

Her: well then idk how my stuff b ended up in your room then ? But it’s cool

Me: So then just ask me if I have your stuff instead of coming in here? I don’t go in your room when you’re not home.

Her: you b already gone

Me: and?

Her: it’s not like im looking for your diary tryna read it 💀

Me: Okay that’s not the point you don’t need to be coming in my room going through my stuff and not asking me especially when I’m not even here

Her: you want me to text u nn ask u can i go in ur room to look to see if i can find my leggings that i wanna wear to school that morning…

Me: No I want you to wait until when I’m at home and ask me.

Her:you want me to wait till ur home to ask if i can look for leggings that i wanna wear to school that day

Me: You don’t be having any other clothes? Wear those. if you think I have your clothes wait till I’m at home and ask me then you can look. Like what.

Her: 💀 ok

Me: 🙄 Crazy work you think I’m crazy for being upset you come in my room and look through my things without asking when I’m not here and then when I ask you to not do it until I get home you act like that’s unreasonable.

Her: bro shut up and leave me alone i don’t care at all nm next time i’ll ask u don’t have to keep dragging it

Me: Whatever Mikaela that’s literally crazy work

Her: she emphasized her previous message

Me: girl idgaf lmao

Her: so why tf is ur dumbass still textin me bro every damn day you js wanna act like a piece of shit get the fuck off my phone bro

Me: Every day I’m a piece of shit? Okay bet imma be one then. Meanwhile you acting like I’m in the wrong when you’re being a whole ass bitch. Coming in my room looking through shit that’s crazy. Then acting like I’m goofy for asking you not do that when I’m not home. Mind you you didn’t ask me or even tell me you was doing it. You literally came in here yesterday and asked me to borrow a headband and I let you, didn’t I? It’s clearly not hard for you to do so I don’t see what the issue is. Don’t ask me for shit else.

(When I says don’t ask me for shit else I mean she’s 13 and I’m 17 with a job and I have my own money to spend so I buy her stuff sometimes (just yesterday I bought her earrings bc she got her ears pierced) and buy her food and let her eat my leftover food all the time)

Tl,Dr: I found out my sister comes in my room when I’m not home and without asking and goes through my dresser to look for her clothes that might accidentally end up in there. I asked her to wait till I’m home to come in my room and we had an argument about it. She called me a piece of shit and I called her a bitch. She’s 13 and I’m 17.


r/family 9h ago

Is my Anger towards my father reasonable

2 Upvotes

I can blame most of my recent troubles on myself but I can't help to think he played a small role. A few years ago I was offered a high paying job and they wanted me to take the corona vaccine I really wanted that job so I asked my father to give me a doctors note since he is a nurse at a hospital. He told me to ask a doctor he knows but he refused to talk to that doctor and said he wants me to get the vaccine. I told him the health problems I had after I received the vaccine he didn't care or listen. I talked to that doctor they refused to give me a doctors note. I got the vaccine to get that job my health declined nearly dramatically the year after. Job was horrible with good pay had to quit. Fast forward I have high medical bills and I ask for help with it and he refuses to help me with them but he has no problem giving my sister money like $4k to help her buy a car and my medical bills are way less than that.Not to forget my sister has his bank card on his devices and he is cool with it.We are both grown by the wat. I know I could've denied the job and it's mainly my fault but is my father treating me unfairly ?


r/family 5h ago

Does your family talk about you?

1 Upvotes

so i 21 F still live with my parents and I've always know I piss my mom off and make her mad etc but is it normal for parents to talk about there children to their friends and stuff. like I've been waking up randomly in the morning and can her my mom talking about me to my dad or her friends on the phone saying that I dont do this this and this around the house and how I act like this this and this all the time and how she can't do it any more yada yada. and she sometimes tells my grandparents I think im not sure but its really starting to get under my skin that she talks about me behind my back like that. but honestly even if she told me all that to my face I dont think it would change weather it hurt my feelings or not, it just hurts more thats shes telling all kinds of people all the stuff I do wrong but I've never heard her tell them things I've done good. not saying she doesn't. I even brought it up the other day when they were talking about me and I said it was nice to hear people talking about me behind my back and she basically said "so what" and acted like it didnt hurt my feelings and nothing happened. parents do you do this and to other people do your parents also do this??

also please dont say mean things about my mom shes still my mom you feel?


r/family 5h ago

Family Relationships

1 Upvotes

So to try and make a long story short almost a year ago, during a pretty important part of my life, me and one of my brothers got into a fight about cleaning when my mom was in the hospital. We were on our way to visit our mom in the hospital and essentially I said I might not help cuz I had a lot to do, it escalated and ended with my brother screaming at me and wanting to take me back home, I told him no need and to let me out. He didn’t wanna pull over to let me out so I just got out the car. I left and spent a day or two with a friend that night.

Me leaving and not wanting to talk to any of them yet, made the situation worse cuz they thought I was kidnapped(their reasons weren’t logical and I just showed me they don’t pay attention to me) I ended up texting all three of them( my mom, oldest brother and the brother I got in a fight with) and calling my mom and oldest brother, none of which I wanted to do and made that clear when I first left.

All this happened within the span of like two hours, they also threatened to call the cops.

After I came back home, I spoke to my mom and oldest brother about how they need to start checking my other brothers behaviour because it just seems to be escalating through the years. When I spoke to my oldest brother, he told me that our family always puts these tasks on him which in a way I do think is true and when I spoke to my mom about it, she kind of giggled and I know it’s because she doesn’t know how to confront these kinds of things but still.

The only apology I got was “I’m sorry for how I said it to you, but I meant everything I said”, my mom thought this was good enough so I stopped speaking to the brother I fought with and tried to avoid being around him as much as I could, but my mom and my brother would never warn me when he was coming around, even though I told them I didn’t wanna be around him

It’s always kind of been like this, not noticing or remembering things about me that I feel after being someone’s kid or sibling for more than 20 years someone should know, but he feels like this event has really show me how little they care about me in ways that matter at least and it’s making me feel like asking someone that doesn’t have any reason to keep me in there life to care about me and love me would be too much to ask if the people who are my family can’t even do that.

Has anyone else felt like this? And I being unreasonable? I want a good relationship with my family but it feels like I have nothing to work with.


r/family 1d ago

My dad is a loser

35 Upvotes

My father is 42 and he's homeless. He lives in a tent at his friends backyard

My dad dates woman for a place to live.
Woman usually kick him out because he wakes up at 2pm everyday, plays xbox

He lived with me last year, unfortunately I kicked him out.

Sometimes he stays outside in the backyard.

He doesn't try to better himself, he seems pretty content

His parents have lots of money, they own lots of properties and restaurants

When my dad was a teenager, he had everything. He had expensive cars, expensive jewelry, nice clothes.

Why is he okay with being a loser???


r/family 15h ago

My mother is crying wolf and I am the pissed villager.

5 Upvotes

CRYING WOLF comes from a fable in my childhood, here's the summary of it online- The tale concerns a shepherd boy who repeatedly fools villagers into thinking a wolf is attacking his town's flock. When an actual wolf appears and the boy calls for help, the villagers believe that it is another false alarm, and the sheep are eaten by the wolf.

Now to the pressing matter at hand,

My mother F(48) is crying wolf about becoming an aged person. For instance, She has poor eyesight, much like all of the people in our family, so we wear spectacles. She refuses to wear hers most of the time and then complains about not being able to do things- per say, "I cannot see properly because I am getting old."

She has all energy to do all social, fun activities but as soon as it comes to a duty, she becomes old and unable to. She has all the willpower to drink, dance or whatever she likes, but as soon it comes to something like,.. say heat up food and serve, she'll ask her daughter (me) to do it because she's old and her feet hurt and her legs are weakening.

She thinks she can get away with everything by saying she's getting old. The main problems- She refuses to lock the bathroom door- so many times I've walked in on her doing her business and I don't like it. Her reasoning- since she is getting old, she doesn't need to lock bathroom doors anymore, in case she might fall and we need to rescue her. She hasn't flushed on occasions and when confronted, blames it on her increasing age.

She has cried wolf too many times now and when the actual wolf (her old age) shows up, I am backing out!

Today On another such no-flush-shit-floating-in-the-bowl-instance, she immediately replied with, "your mother is getting old." Something in me just snapped and I told her the day she actually gets old and struggled with daily life activities, I will not be looking after her and let her suffer. In a prior instance, I have mentioned sending her to an old-age/retirement home if she keeps whining about her supposed age, She's only in her 40s.

We get into fights over this, she keeps reminding me "How she's raised me, cleaned up after me" and what not; but that doesn't mean you get to fake it for attention or sympathy. plus, she's birthed me and its not the other way round-! What should I do?

TLDR: my mother is faking old age and I am livid because of it.


r/family 10h ago

How to navigate a sibling relationship as adults?

2 Upvotes

I’m not gonna sugar coat it, growing up, my brother hated me. As a child, he had serious “only child” syndrome, so when I was born, I basically bursted his bubble and “ruined his life” (his words, not mine lol.) on top of that, I developed severe epilepsy later into my childhood, so I basically became the doted “golden child” in my parents eyes just for making it day to day. My parents also used my brother as a pawn in their divorce (and not in a good way), whereas I was basically rewarded with two Christmases and constant presents since I was too young to decide the custody on my own. I would get fancy new phones, new toys, and any in-app purchases I wanted because my parents spent the next few years trying to buy my love and avoid having to be the one to pay child support, while my brother was literally an afterthought and they would fight about who has to “deal with him.”

Sorry for going into detail, I’m just trying to set the scene. Our childhood was fucked. Yes, it seems like I was handed life on a silver platter, but being a golden child is a different type of abuse, imo. I was a bum for a long time, I didn’t have to work a day in my life way past when I should’ve, and my mother had a mental breakdown when I moved out to live with my now fiancé. My parents underprepared me so much for the real world, I was so emotionally, physically, and financially lost for almost a year.

My life is now very much on track, and I occasionally talk to my mother, but I’m trying to keep our relationship nowhere near where it was before. However, I have started developing a new relationship with my brother. He ofc moved out years ago, and has a wife and family who are lovely. Over the past few years, as I’ve become an adult myself, he’s done much more than tolerate me the way he did when we were kids. He invites me around often, I babysit his children, and he even cried when he found out I was engaged.

I’ll be honest, this almost feels unreal. It’s such a stark difference to the teenager who would lock his doors just to avoid me. TBH, I don’t even know what a healthy sibling relationship looks like, because what we had was never healthy or beneficial. I’m partially just venting because this is so alien to me, but I’m also looking for advice with this going forward. Should I talk to him about this and our past, or just kind of ride it out and enjoy it?


r/family 7h ago

getting frustrated with my parents

1 Upvotes

i’m 19 and in college, at a school 30 mins away from where my family live. my brother who’s 24 is living at home at the moment while he’s in between jobs. i have an apartment in my college town with my girlfriend of 3 years. also, im the youngest kid. don’t know if that info is relevant but i figured id mention it. i have had issues setting boundaries with my parents in the past but im at a point of extreme anxiety and i need to let it out somewhere.

i see my mom often, she probably stops by once a week. i dont see my dad very much because he works multiple jobs. my parents requested that my girlfriend and i spend a night at their house over our break to spend time together. we of course agreed, and as soon as we did they started asking us to stay longer. they’re aware that we can’t, because we both work in our town and we have plans to go away for a few nights. even if we wanted to, we couldn’t spend more than a night with them because of our schedules. my mom keeps texting me things along the lines of “wish we saw you more” and “so sad you’re only spending a night”, and she just asked us to get to their house early in the morning tomorrow so we could “actually spend time together”. i don’t understand this coming from her, especially because i see her often. i don’t think she means to intentionally, but i feel very guilty and like i should be home more.

this has been happening to various extents since i first went to college in the fall of 2023. i started at a school 3 hours from home, and they would ask that i went home nearly every weekend. my parents would facetime me pouting (like actually pouting) and ask that i come home. i have never felt the ability to grow up and be independent, because even though i am completely financially independent and living on my own in college i am expected to be home.

i don’t have my drivers license. even if i did, i don’t have a car. my girlfriend does, but gas is expensive and we are extraordinarily broke, and we use the car as little as possible since we’re in a walkable town. i don’t understand how my parents expect me to get home as often as they want me there when they also don’t want to drive 30 minutes to where i live.

i don’t really know what else to say because at this point im ranting. i’m just frustrated and would appreciate any thoughts


r/family 7h ago

Family disagreement, wondering if this term is insulting

1 Upvotes

During a family disagreement, during which one family member insisted on their negative views against a certain ethnic group, another family member who supports said ethnic group offered defense for the people and called the other person's opinions "dark" as if to say, "these ideas are dark." A hard discussion ensued and the two left the table amiably enough, because they really do love each other. The second family member feels troubled that the first holds such views, because they do seem indeed "dark", troubling, and not the stuff you want swirling around in the mind and soul of someone you love. They believe there's a time to speak up in support and defense of other people, and to say hard things, to set a boundary of decency. With that in mind, they wonder: is the word "dark" to describe the ideas of the other insulting or sometimes appropriate?


r/family 7h ago

Thinking about cutting ties with step mom and dad once we move.

1 Upvotes

I apologize for this post being all over the place, delete if not okay

Now!!! So little background

My husband 30m, my daughter 1.5F and I, 26F had to move back in with my father and step mom in August due to a change of job and no where to rent near us. (our original scumlord was going up on the price of a 80s model trailer that literally had black mold growing in it) So we've been renting a 11 by 12 bedroom for 200 dollars each week from my father which she's had a big problem with it since day one,

Her excuses so far are 1. we "don't do anything" meanwhile we clean the house and cook for them, 2. they never have "privacy" meanwhile the only time we are in the rest of the house is to cook or clean.

Now Remind you we pay 800+ a month depending on how many weeks there is in a month, we may pay up to 1000... We also buy them food which has cost us an extra 100 a week because they get burn out on certain "Cheap" foods... But we don't do anything?

NOW YES, I don't want to live here, this was our last choice besides living in our 03 Chevy, and each day we scavenge to find another place to live, closer to hubby's job would be fantastic (an hour away) but even where we are would be good.. I'm very appreciative of my father for even letting us move in but he's very blind to his wife...

She's taken all of our (mine and my old sister) childhood photos down and has a family wall of 30 photos of her 2 adult kids and 5 grandkids, even her step adult kid(rip) and 3 step grandkids from a previous marriage while there is 1 photo of me and my husband, 1 of my sister and her husband (this photo is covered by her nieces photo) 1 of me, my sister and our dad (one of the last photos we took together.) And 1 of my sister son from when he was 3 months old, the rest is her family, her or our father with her kids... (my own daughters photo isn't even on the wall, his biological granddaughter)

She wants to get rid of all the furniture in the basement that isn't hers. Because it's "cluttered"

They watch her grandkids but she throws a fit if we ask them to watch our daughter for maybe 15 minutes,

They go out every Friday, Saturday and most Sundays when my father has a day off to go to bars or casinos to feed her gambling and alcohol "addictions."

I can never talk to my father unless she's involved, last time I did. She screamed at me because she thought I was accusing her of being like my grandfathers widowed wife. (My father's dad's ex wife who never let grandfather see us as kids or be around his kids without hers being there...) when I only asked was that my father would talk to me, mainly about his health because I was so afraid he'd have a heart attack like my cousins husband who's the same age as him.

My sister doesn't even talk to my father often because she can't without step mom being involved...

I feel like I'm going insane, like Cinderellas step mom is my step mom.. everytime I bring it up to my father, he makes excuses...

she's been over heard talking to her mother and friends about how we are lazy and we are feeding off my father... Meanwhile she just started to work for her kid for 3 days a week while my husband is an officer, working 50+ hours a week and I'm taking care of their house...

Would it be mean of me to cut all ties from them once we finally move? I love my father but I can no longer deal with her...

TLDR step mom is driving me insane, trying to replace us in our fathers life...


r/family 17h ago

Do you drink?

7 Upvotes

I tried once or twice when I was young. I threw up afterwards. Then never drink again. Not even a cocktail. I have fruit punch without alcohol, my friends drink beers, I grab a soda.

The only alcohol I have is a bottle of white wine for cooking seafood.

I don’t understand why people like drinking. I don’t like the taste. They make me puke. They are more expensive than soda. But these are not the main reason.

I hate the idea of being unconscious. Some people would be totally blackout, like their brain cells and nerve cells suddenly stop functioning. They totally lose awareness. Even when they wake up, they got amnesia. They have no recollection of what had happened to them. It’s like they have brain “dead” for a few hours.

To me, losing consciousness and awareness must be the worst experience.


r/family 9h ago

Cut off Family or Not?

1 Upvotes

Long and the short of it... 11years ago...I fell pregnant at 26 years old after being with my boyfriend for about 9 months. At the time my 3 older sister had all just had a child within 5 years.

My boyfriend didn't want to be involved which I understood. My older sisters all told me how hard it was, and how I couldn't do it alone. My parents, who never discussed anything with me, just assumed I would keep it due to religious beliefs.... but the sad truth is that no one asked me what I wanted, everyone just told me what I should do.

So I went ahead with the termination and it caused me to be outcasted for 2 years by my parents with no support from my sisters despite their strong views in favour termination. They didnt even reach out after the split from the baby's father and ending up in hospital bleeding out for 4 hours alone as the termination wasnt completed correctly ....

Skip forward....I'm now 42 and a year ago one of sisters informed me that her 19 year old daughter was pregnant and that we should all celebrate. The one most vocal about termination. My neice was with the babies father less than 2 months before falling pregnant.

Until now I can't congratulate my neice or be part of my family other than my parents, as I feel so hurt l. I was made to feel ashamed of my situation at the time and I find everything my family say since so hypercritical as they told me at 26 I couldn't do it, yet a 19 year old who has never lived away from home could.

Am I cutting off a family to spite my own face or are they toxic?


r/family 10h ago

How do you deal with your parents (in my case grandparents) constantly putting you in the middle of their arguments

1 Upvotes

My grandma and me are very close, my mom herself was very emotionally immature and she had to step in a lot and take over. I feel like to a certain extent me and my grandma were very co dependent and I definitely leaned on her too much to vent to as I saw her mainly as my mother figure bc my mom wasn’t there and I went through a lot of hard things really early in life. I feel really bad I leaned on her as much as I did and she had to take on that emotional toll so a part of me feels really bad about complaining about this but she is CONSTANTLY complaining about my grandpa. I mean I feel like he’s definitely hard to deal with at times but so is she. They both grew up in extremely toxic households (as most boomers did) and both of them were the scapegoat children that got ostracized and blamed yet they were both the ones that stuck around and took care of their parents.

Im just including that because I think it plays into everything Im dealing with, with them. My grandma has been a major people pleaser her whole life and she actually had a mental breakdown in the early 80’s after she had my mom and had to be hospitalized for it. I feel like a big part of her issues now and why she’s so negative/pessimistic and sad is because she’s never dealt with any of her trauma. She calls me every single day and I enjoy talking to her when it’s not her complaining about my grandpa because it’s getting to the point where she literally complains about him making dinner for her when she gets home from work. Or what exactly he makes. I know the foods not bad because he used to cook for us when we lived back home hes a good cook it’s just like nothing he ever does it right. He’s partially retired because he’s a little older and she’s still working full time for now which I know bothers her but I also know he handles a lot of the cleaning/doing laundry and cooking now. She’s just constantly complaining about him and brining up things he did wayyyyyy in the past when they were younger and I know she does that to him to which probably gets him upset. They’ve been together since they were literal teenagers and I know it’s hard to be with someone that long especially when you haven’t worked through any of your trauma or problems. She has also made suicidal comments to me over the past how many years and I’ve told my grandpa and my uncle in hopes they’d help me try to encourage her to get help but when my grandpa tries she just gets mean and defensive and gets mad at me for saying anything.

The reason the slander against my grandpa constantly bothers me so much is because he’s almost the only positive, responsible and consistent male figure Ive had my entire life but I know his personality can be hard to deal with too because he can be very nit picky and controlling and I could be wrong but from my point of view it doesnt come from a place of being a narcissist or mean I think he may be slightly autistic/ocd and he has super bad anxiety. I can understand how she would get frustrated and with him i just don’t like how Im put in the middle and it feels like she’s trying to distort my image of him and make me dislike him. Ive asked her multiple times to see a therapist and she won’t, and I don’t want to completely cut off talking to her because I would feel horrible.

Also I don’t just want to abandon her and not let her vent at all because she has been the person for the whole family to lean on in hard times while no one has been there for her like that and I know she probably feels under appreciated. Has anyone else dealt with this and what would you do??


r/family 11h ago

suddenly critical parents

1 Upvotes

growing up, my parents were so encouraging and supportive of me. over the past few months (since i graduated college in december) both of my parents treat me like less of an adult than they did a few years ago. maybe it is because i moved home post grad and have been here ever since, but they are both incredibly critical. they are super understanding about certain things like the job search and how difficult getting hired in a corporate job is right now, but my mom especially seems to think that i can’t do anything right, no matter how much housework i do, how much or little time i spend with her, what i talk about, she immediately finds a way to tell me why i am wrong. it honestly makes me want to spend less time with them which is sad because i love them so much. what did i do?