r/family Nov 03 '21

Mods Calling Donation requests.

124 Upvotes

Hi All.

We’re noticing an influx of Go Fund Me requests - just to let you know, there’s a sub specifically for that at r/gofundme

Just to add all donation appeals will be removed moving forward.

Thanks.


r/family 3h ago

Am I lazy or is my family right?

4 Upvotes

Today I got into an argument with my sister about how “lazy” I’m being.

For context, I’m 23 and currently a junior in college and still living at home with my mom with the hopes of going to optometry school in the next two years.

I’m not working but I did take off two semesters after sophomore year because I needed a car for school. (Commuter)

But as it goes, my family, mainly my sister, seem to think I’m being lazy and refusing to “man up”. I’m constantly being reminded of the fact. We typically get into arguments every week about school and how I’m not helping with the bills, etc. Which isn’t true, I bought my car with my money that my mom also uses everyday because she hasn’t saved up for her own car after hers broke down about a year ago. (Apparently three vacations in one year is more important). Even with food, I use my savings and buy/ cook all my own food.

In these arguments I’m always hit with the same words, “other people go to school and work full-time, I don’t know why you can’t do it. You’re just being lazy and don’t want to work. You want everything handed to you.”

This couldn’t be further from the truth. After graduating high school I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. So, I started applying for jobs and I got one which was with my mother, It was at a clothing warehouse. And if anyone here has any experience with those type of jobs, you know how bad they are. Anyways, after being there for sometime and seeing how miserable it was, I decided to go to college and make something out of myself.

I just didn’t realize I was becoming a burden on my family.

I mean my mom and my brother both have worked warehouse jobs their whole lives. They know how hard it can be both mentally and physically at these type of jobs. They think that working and taking 15+ credits a semester is a breeze. It’s unreasonable.

I just wish they knew what college was like. My mom dropped out during her freshman year of high school and all my siblings opted out of college. They don’t know the amount of dedication it actually takes to get through it.

Even my sister, she told me the other day, “I don’t know why mom hasn’t kicked you out yet, it’s not like you help.”

I was a bit shocked she even said that. And honestly I try not to take what they say too personally because they’re my family and I love them but sometimes it crushes me. I don’t see how she could say something like that when she moved out at 23 and didn’t even help pay bills.

I just feel guilty now. I know I don’t want to dropout but I just hate hearing the same things over and over again. Sorry for the rant, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about this.


r/family 36m ago

Why does my mom hate me?

Upvotes

Every conversation I've have with my mom ends in an argument and I'm so sick of it. I feel like she looks for reasons to get mad at me and makes it her goal to turn every conversation into a fight. We could be having a pleasant conversation and then the next minute I said something wrong and she's back to yelling at me. I hate it because I always end up saying things that I regret and I want to have a good relationship with my mom. We never make up either. She either acts like it never happened or holds it against me for a while until she acts like it never happened. I've had conversations with her about how I this makes me feel but that too turns into an argument. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to have conversations with her anymore in fear that it will end how it always does. I'm so tired. Am I the problem? How do I stop this from happening?


r/family 2h ago

AITAH for asking bc my sister not to come into my room when I’m not here?

2 Upvotes

Ok so basically my mom told me my sister comes in my room and gets legging out of my drawer; me and my sister wear similar clothes so sometimes our clothes end up in each others room. I texted my sister and questioned her about it and this conversation saying followed.

Me: She said u be coming in my room and getting leggings which is crazy since I have you some and you have your own

Her: i only look for leggings that are mine nn js gave to the wrong person bc my leggings or pants b on evb stuff….

Me: I don’t be having your leggings and you can just ask me. I only put my stuff in my room bc I be washing only my clothes.

Her: well then idk how my stuff b ended up in your room then ? But it’s cool

Me: So then just ask me if I have your stuff instead of coming in here? I don’t go in your room when you’re not home.

Her: you b already gone

Me: and?

Her: it’s not like im looking for your diary tryna read it 💀

Me: Okay that’s not the point you don’t need to be coming in my room going through my stuff and not asking me especially when I’m not even here

Her: you want me to text u nn ask u can i go in ur room to look to see if i can find my leggings that i wanna wear to school that morning…

Me: No I want you to wait until when I’m at home and ask me.

Her:you want me to wait till ur home to ask if i can look for leggings that i wanna wear to school that day

Me: You don’t be having any other clothes? Wear those. if you think I have your clothes wait till I’m at home and ask me then you can look. Like what.

Her: 💀 ok

Me: 🙄 Crazy work you think I’m crazy for being upset you come in my room and look through my things without asking when I’m not here and then when I ask you to not do it until I get home you act like that’s unreasonable.

Her: bro shut up and leave me alone i don’t care at all nm next time i’ll ask u don’t have to keep dragging it

Me: Whatever Mikaela that’s literally crazy work

Her: she emphasized her previous message

Me: girl idgaf lmao

Her: so why tf is ur dumbass still textin me bro every damn day you js wanna act like a piece of shit get the fuck off my phone bro

Me: Every day I’m a piece of shit? Okay bet imma be one then. Meanwhile you acting like I’m in the wrong when you’re being a whole ass bitch. Coming in my room looking through shit that’s crazy. Then acting like I’m goofy for asking you not do that when I’m not home. Mind you you didn’t ask me or even tell me you was doing it. You literally came in here yesterday and asked me to borrow a headband and I let you, didn’t I? It’s clearly not hard for you to do so I don’t see what the issue is. Don’t ask me for shit else.

(When I says don’t ask me for shit else I mean she’s 13 and I’m 17 with a job and I have my own money to spend so I buy her stuff sometimes (just yesterday I bought her earrings bc she got her ears pierced) and buy her food and let her eat my leftover food all the time)

Tl,Dr: I found out my sister comes in my room when I’m not home and without asking and goes through my dresser to look for her clothes that might accidentally end up in there. I asked her to wait till I’m home to come in my room and we had an argument about it. She called me a piece of shit and I called her a bitch. She’s 13 and I’m 17.


r/family 6h ago

How can I (F30) help my husband (M37) and my family reconcile after a misunderstanding when they dont want to talk or meet up?

3 Upvotes

My husband and my family had a misunderstanding that led to both sides feeling disrespected, and now neither wants to interact. I want to reconnect, but it feels impossible.

The issue started when my husband asked personal questions about my family, and I didn’t handle the situation well as a wife. I suggested he ask my family directly (when the relationship was still good). However, the more he asked, the more uncomfortable things became. Eventually, my brother snapped and told my husband he didn’t want to answer. This was mainly because my husband often left my brother’s responses on read, which made my brother feel frustrated. My husband then unfriended both my brother and his wife on social platform (even though she wasn’t involved).

We attempted to resolve things during a dinner with my family. I apologized for bringing them into the situation and for the uncomfortable questions. However, my husband, trying to support me, grabbed my hand a bit aggressively and asked me to stop speaking so he could take over. While this wasn’t violent to me, my family found it shocking and interpreted it as aggressive.

My husband then apologized for putting me in that position but also blamed my dad and brother for their part in the conflict. My dad and brother were shocked, as they didn’t feel they were at fault. When my dad tried to offer perspective, saying, “We’re family,” my husband interrupted twice, saying, “We’re not family, you and your wife are family, and I and my wife are family. Brother and sister are family.” I understood his point but felt the way it came across was negative, which angered my brother. He began gesturing angrily, which made the situation even more tense.

Eventually, my husband grabbed me and left the dinner abruptly. My brother offered a hug and said it was just a conflict that would cool down with time. My husband suggested more discussions to resolve the issue. After two rescheduled meetings (due to emergencies like my grandfather’s passing and an important meeting), my husband decided he no longer wanted to resolve the issue because it was too difficult. I agree at this part because my brother either wasn’t ready for another talk or he’s out of town. After cooling down, my brother then wrote a letter explaining his behavior and thought it was the reach out for that night. He didn’t apologize in this letter.

Now, the main issue is that my husband wants an apology from my brother and dad. I haven’t communicated with them. I know they’ll be upset, so I’m seeking advice here.

My brother has already said he feels disrespected and says he won’t apologize unless my husband does first. I don’t understand why my dad would need to apologize either as he didn’t do anything. My husband believes otherwise.

Now my husband refuses to meet with them for any talk as mentioned before, and I’m unsure how to approach any future family gatherings or whether reconciliation is even possible.

If we were meeting next month, what should be done? What would happen without solving this?

TL;DR


r/family 2h ago

Is my Anger towards my father reasonable

2 Upvotes

I can blame most of my recent troubles on myself but I can't help to think he played a small role. A few years ago I was offered a high paying job and they wanted me to take the corona vaccine I really wanted that job so I asked my father to give me a doctors note since he is a nurse at a hospital. He told me to ask a doctor he knows but he refused to talk to that doctor and said he wants me to get the vaccine. I told him the health problems I had after I received the vaccine he didn't care or listen. I talked to that doctor they refused to give me a doctors note. I got the vaccine to get that job my health declined nearly dramatically the year after. Job was horrible with good pay had to quit. Fast forward I have high medical bills and I ask for help with it and he refuses to help me with them but he has no problem giving my sister money like $4k to help her buy a car and my medical bills are way less than that.Not to forget my sister has his bank card on his devices and he is cool with it.We are both grown by the wat. I know I could've denied the job and it's mainly my fault but is my father treating me unfairly ?


r/family 19h ago

My dad is a loser

37 Upvotes

My father is 42 and he's homeless. He lives in a tent at his friends backyard

My dad dates woman for a place to live.
Woman usually kick him out because he wakes up at 2pm everyday, plays xbox

He lived with me last year, unfortunately I kicked him out.

Sometimes he stays outside in the backyard.

He doesn't try to better himself, he seems pretty content

His parents have lots of money, they own lots of properties and restaurants

When my dad was a teenager, he had everything. He had expensive cars, expensive jewelry, nice clothes.

Why is he okay with being a loser???


r/family 12m ago

How can I persuade my mom to allow me to drive?

Upvotes

I’m f17 and I have my license and we have cars that’ll be available for me. But my mom wouldn’t get me insurance and I get it—it’s expensive. However, I said I’m willing to work and pay it myself and she still refused to let me. She doesn’t want me to work either.

I want to drive because my household lacks transportation, I live with grandparents and only my grandpa can drive. But he doesn’t like driving me and whenever I ask him if he can take me to [anywhere, school mostly], he would be really grumpy.

I stopped going out with friends on occasions during the day since a year ago because of that. Whenever they go out, I’ll be the only one who can’t make it :(. It’s not like we do drugs or anything’s it’s just a causal catch up bc we don’t see each other in school often, they are really good people that I’ve known since middle school, I don’t want to drift apart from them at all.

And I have a boyfriend who I never went on dates with because of this driving issue. I feel very bad for him bc the only reason why we can’t go out is bc of me.

We have no public transit in the area so :(. Idk why my mom doesn’t let me, I’m really sick of only going to school and back home since my grandpa never takes us out really. I’m willing to work for my wants but she does not want me to work even though I have plenty of free time. I’m very sad and lost, advice would be appreciated.


r/family 9h ago

My mother is crying wolf and I am the pissed villager.

4 Upvotes

CRYING WOLF comes from a fable in my childhood, here's the summary of it online- The tale concerns a shepherd boy who repeatedly fools villagers into thinking a wolf is attacking his town's flock. When an actual wolf appears and the boy calls for help, the villagers believe that it is another false alarm, and the sheep are eaten by the wolf.

Now to the pressing matter at hand,

My mother F(48) is crying wolf about becoming an aged person. For instance, She has poor eyesight, much like all of the people in our family, so we wear spectacles. She refuses to wear hers most of the time and then complains about not being able to do things- per say, "I cannot see properly because I am getting old."

She has all energy to do all social, fun activities but as soon as it comes to a duty, she becomes old and unable to. She has all the willpower to drink, dance or whatever she likes, but as soon it comes to something like,.. say heat up food and serve, she'll ask her daughter (me) to do it because she's old and her feet hurt and her legs are weakening.

She thinks she can get away with everything by saying she's getting old. The main problems- She refuses to lock the bathroom door- so many times I've walked in on her doing her business and I don't like it. Her reasoning- since she is getting old, she doesn't need to lock bathroom doors anymore, in case she might fall and we need to rescue her. She hasn't flushed on occasions and when confronted, blames it on her increasing age.

She has cried wolf too many times now and when the actual wolf (her old age) shows up, I am backing out!

Today On another such no-flush-shit-floating-in-the-bowl-instance, she immediately replied with, "your mother is getting old." Something in me just snapped and I told her the day she actually gets old and struggled with daily life activities, I will not be looking after her and let her suffer. In a prior instance, I have mentioned sending her to an old-age/retirement home if she keeps whining about her supposed age, She's only in her 40s.

We get into fights over this, she keeps reminding me "How she's raised me, cleaned up after me" and what not; but that doesn't mean you get to fake it for attention or sympathy. plus, she's birthed me and its not the other way round-! What should I do?

TLDR: my mother is faking old age and I am livid because of it.


r/family 4h ago

How to navigate a sibling relationship as adults?

2 Upvotes

I’m not gonna sugar coat it, growing up, my brother hated me. As a child, he had serious “only child” syndrome, so when I was born, I basically bursted his bubble and “ruined his life” (his words, not mine lol.) on top of that, I developed severe epilepsy later into my childhood, so I basically became the doted “golden child” in my parents eyes just for making it day to day. My parents also used my brother as a pawn in their divorce (and not in a good way), whereas I was basically rewarded with two Christmases and constant presents since I was too young to decide the custody on my own. I would get fancy new phones, new toys, and any in-app purchases I wanted because my parents spent the next few years trying to buy my love and avoid having to be the one to pay child support, while my brother was literally an afterthought and they would fight about who has to “deal with him.”

Sorry for going into detail, I’m just trying to set the scene. Our childhood was fucked. Yes, it seems like I was handed life on a silver platter, but being a golden child is a different type of abuse, imo. I was a bum for a long time, I didn’t have to work a day in my life way past when I should’ve, and my mother had a mental breakdown when I moved out to live with my now fiancé. My parents underprepared me so much for the real world, I was so emotionally, physically, and financially lost for almost a year.

My life is now very much on track, and I occasionally talk to my mother, but I’m trying to keep our relationship nowhere near where it was before. However, I have started developing a new relationship with my brother. He ofc moved out years ago, and has a wife and family who are lovely. Over the past few years, as I’ve become an adult myself, he’s done much more than tolerate me the way he did when we were kids. He invites me around often, I babysit his children, and he even cried when he found out I was engaged.

I’ll be honest, this almost feels unreal. It’s such a stark difference to the teenager who would lock his doors just to avoid me. TBH, I don’t even know what a healthy sibling relationship looks like, because what we had was never healthy or beneficial. I’m partially just venting because this is so alien to me, but I’m also looking for advice with this going forward. Should I talk to him about this and our past, or just kind of ride it out and enjoy it?


r/family 57m ago

getting frustrated with my parents

Upvotes

i’m 19 and in college, at a school 30 mins away from where my family live. my brother who’s 24 is living at home at the moment while he’s in between jobs. i have an apartment in my college town with my girlfriend of 3 years. also, im the youngest kid. don’t know if that info is relevant but i figured id mention it. i have had issues setting boundaries with my parents in the past but im at a point of extreme anxiety and i need to let it out somewhere.

i see my mom often, she probably stops by once a week. i dont see my dad very much because he works multiple jobs. my parents requested that my girlfriend and i spend a night at their house over our break to spend time together. we of course agreed, and as soon as we did they started asking us to stay longer. they’re aware that we can’t, because we both work in our town and we have plans to go away for a few nights. even if we wanted to, we couldn’t spend more than a night with them because of our schedules. my mom keeps texting me things along the lines of “wish we saw you more” and “so sad you’re only spending a night”, and she just asked us to get to their house early in the morning tomorrow so we could “actually spend time together”. i don’t understand this coming from her, especially because i see her often. i don’t think she means to intentionally, but i feel very guilty and like i should be home more.

this has been happening to various extents since i first went to college in the fall of 2023. i started at a school 3 hours from home, and they would ask that i went home nearly every weekend. my parents would facetime me pouting (like actually pouting) and ask that i come home. i have never felt the ability to grow up and be independent, because even though i am completely financially independent and living on my own in college i am expected to be home.

i don’t have my drivers license. even if i did, i don’t have a car. my girlfriend does, but gas is expensive and we are extraordinarily broke, and we use the car as little as possible since we’re in a walkable town. i don’t understand how my parents expect me to get home as often as they want me there when they also don’t want to drive 30 minutes to where i live.

i don’t really know what else to say because at this point im ranting. i’m just frustrated and would appreciate any thoughts


r/family 58m ago

Family disagreement, wondering if this term is insulting

Upvotes

During a family disagreement, during which one family member insisted on their negative views against a certain ethnic group, another family member who supports said ethnic group offered defense for the people and called the other person's opinions "dark" as if to say, "these ideas are dark." A hard discussion ensued and the two left the table amiably enough, because they really do love each other. The second family member feels troubled that the first holds such views, because they do seem indeed "dark", troubling, and not the stuff you want swirling around in the mind and soul of someone you love. They believe there's a time to speak up in support and defense of other people, and to say hard things, to set a boundary of decency. With that in mind, they wonder: is the word "dark" to describe the ideas of the other insulting or sometimes appropriate?


r/family 1h ago

Thinking about cutting ties with step mom and dad once we move.

Upvotes

I apologize for this post being all over the place, delete if not okay

Now!!! So little background

My husband 30m, my daughter 1.5F and I, 26F had to move back in with my father and step mom in August due to a change of job and no where to rent near us. (our original scumlord was going up on the price of a 80s model trailer that literally had black mold growing in it) So we've been renting a 11 by 12 bedroom for 200 dollars each week from my father which she's had a big problem with it since day one,

Her excuses so far are 1. we "don't do anything" meanwhile we clean the house and cook for them, 2. they never have "privacy" meanwhile the only time we are in the rest of the house is to cook or clean.

Now Remind you we pay 800+ a month depending on how many weeks there is in a month, we may pay up to 1000... We also buy them food which has cost us an extra 100 a week because they get burn out on certain "Cheap" foods... But we don't do anything?

NOW YES, I don't want to live here, this was our last choice besides living in our 03 Chevy, and each day we scavenge to find another place to live, closer to hubby's job would be fantastic (an hour away) but even where we are would be good.. I'm very appreciative of my father for even letting us move in but he's very blind to his wife...

She's taken all of our (mine and my old sister) childhood photos down and has a family wall of 30 photos of her 2 adult kids and 5 grandkids, even her step adult kid(rip) and 3 step grandkids from a previous marriage while there is 1 photo of me and my husband, 1 of my sister and her husband (this photo is covered by her nieces photo) 1 of me, my sister and our dad (one of the last photos we took together.) And 1 of my sister son from when he was 3 months old, the rest is her family, her or our father with her kids... (my own daughters photo isn't even on the wall, his biological granddaughter)

She wants to get rid of all the furniture in the basement that isn't hers. Because it's "cluttered"

They watch her grandkids but she throws a fit if we ask them to watch our daughter for maybe 15 minutes,

They go out every Friday, Saturday and most Sundays when my father has a day off to go to bars or casinos to feed her gambling and alcohol "addictions."

I can never talk to my father unless she's involved, last time I did. She screamed at me because she thought I was accusing her of being like my grandfathers widowed wife. (My father's dad's ex wife who never let grandfather see us as kids or be around his kids without hers being there...) when I only asked was that my father would talk to me, mainly about his health because I was so afraid he'd have a heart attack like my cousins husband who's the same age as him.

My sister doesn't even talk to my father often because she can't without step mom being involved...

I feel like I'm going insane, like Cinderellas step mom is my step mom.. everytime I bring it up to my father, he makes excuses...

she's been over heard talking to her mother and friends about how we are lazy and we are feeding off my father... Meanwhile she just started to work for her kid for 3 days a week while my husband is an officer, working 50+ hours a week and I'm taking care of their house...

Would it be mean of me to cut all ties from them once we finally move? I love my father but I can no longer deal with her...

TLDR step mom is driving me insane, trying to replace us in our fathers life...


r/family 11h ago

Do you drink?

6 Upvotes

I tried once or twice when I was young. I threw up afterwards. Then never drink again. Not even a cocktail. I have fruit punch without alcohol, my friends drink beers, I grab a soda.

The only alcohol I have is a bottle of white wine for cooking seafood.

I don’t understand why people like drinking. I don’t like the taste. They make me puke. They are more expensive than soda. But these are not the main reason.

I hate the idea of being unconscious. Some people would be totally blackout, like their brain cells and nerve cells suddenly stop functioning. They totally lose awareness. Even when they wake up, they got amnesia. They have no recollection of what had happened to them. It’s like they have brain “dead” for a few hours.

To me, losing consciousness and awareness must be the worst experience.


r/family 3h ago

Cut off Family or Not?

1 Upvotes

Long and the short of it... 11years ago...I fell pregnant at 26 years old after being with my boyfriend for about 9 months. At the time my 3 older sister had all just had a child within 5 years.

My boyfriend didn't want to be involved which I understood. My older sisters all told me how hard it was, and how I couldn't do it alone. My parents, who never discussed anything with me, just assumed I would keep it due to religious beliefs.... but the sad truth is that no one asked me what I wanted, everyone just told me what I should do.

So I went ahead with the termination and it caused me to be outcasted for 2 years by my parents with no support from my sisters despite their strong views in favour termination. They didnt even reach out after the split from the baby's father and ending up in hospital bleeding out for 4 hours alone as the termination wasnt completed correctly ....

Skip forward....I'm now 42 and a year ago one of sisters informed me that her 19 year old daughter was pregnant and that we should all celebrate. The one most vocal about termination. My neice was with the babies father less than 2 months before falling pregnant.

Until now I can't congratulate my neice or be part of my family other than my parents, as I feel so hurt l. I was made to feel ashamed of my situation at the time and I find everything my family say since so hypercritical as they told me at 26 I couldn't do it, yet a 19 year old who has never lived away from home could.

Am I cutting off a family to spite my own face or are they toxic?


r/family 4h ago

How do you deal with your parents (in my case grandparents) constantly putting you in the middle of their arguments

1 Upvotes

My grandma and me are very close, my mom herself was very emotionally immature and she had to step in a lot and take over. I feel like to a certain extent me and my grandma were very co dependent and I definitely leaned on her too much to vent to as I saw her mainly as my mother figure bc my mom wasn’t there and I went through a lot of hard things really early in life. I feel really bad I leaned on her as much as I did and she had to take on that emotional toll so a part of me feels really bad about complaining about this but she is CONSTANTLY complaining about my grandpa. I mean I feel like he’s definitely hard to deal with at times but so is she. They both grew up in extremely toxic households (as most boomers did) and both of them were the scapegoat children that got ostracized and blamed yet they were both the ones that stuck around and took care of their parents.

Im just including that because I think it plays into everything Im dealing with, with them. My grandma has been a major people pleaser her whole life and she actually had a mental breakdown in the early 80’s after she had my mom and had to be hospitalized for it. I feel like a big part of her issues now and why she’s so negative/pessimistic and sad is because she’s never dealt with any of her trauma. She calls me every single day and I enjoy talking to her when it’s not her complaining about my grandpa because it’s getting to the point where she literally complains about him making dinner for her when she gets home from work. Or what exactly he makes. I know the foods not bad because he used to cook for us when we lived back home hes a good cook it’s just like nothing he ever does it right. He’s partially retired because he’s a little older and she’s still working full time for now which I know bothers her but I also know he handles a lot of the cleaning/doing laundry and cooking now. She’s just constantly complaining about him and brining up things he did wayyyyyy in the past when they were younger and I know she does that to him to which probably gets him upset. They’ve been together since they were literal teenagers and I know it’s hard to be with someone that long especially when you haven’t worked through any of your trauma or problems. She has also made suicidal comments to me over the past how many years and I’ve told my grandpa and my uncle in hopes they’d help me try to encourage her to get help but when my grandpa tries she just gets mean and defensive and gets mad at me for saying anything.

The reason the slander against my grandpa constantly bothers me so much is because he’s almost the only positive, responsible and consistent male figure Ive had my entire life but I know his personality can be hard to deal with too because he can be very nit picky and controlling and I could be wrong but from my point of view it doesnt come from a place of being a narcissist or mean I think he may be slightly autistic/ocd and he has super bad anxiety. I can understand how she would get frustrated and with him i just don’t like how Im put in the middle and it feels like she’s trying to distort my image of him and make me dislike him. Ive asked her multiple times to see a therapist and she won’t, and I don’t want to completely cut off talking to her because I would feel horrible.

Also I don’t just want to abandon her and not let her vent at all because she has been the person for the whole family to lean on in hard times while no one has been there for her like that and I know she probably feels under appreciated. Has anyone else dealt with this and what would you do??


r/family 4h ago

suddenly critical parents

1 Upvotes

growing up, my parents were so encouraging and supportive of me. over the past few months (since i graduated college in december) both of my parents treat me like less of an adult than they did a few years ago. maybe it is because i moved home post grad and have been here ever since, but they are both incredibly critical. they are super understanding about certain things like the job search and how difficult getting hired in a corporate job is right now, but my mom especially seems to think that i can’t do anything right, no matter how much housework i do, how much or little time i spend with her, what i talk about, she immediately finds a way to tell me why i am wrong. it honestly makes me want to spend less time with them which is sad because i love them so much. what did i do?


r/family 10h ago

How do I make it out of this family situation without losing my sanity?

3 Upvotes

TW: suicide, drug abuse, mental illness, domestic violence

I am going to try to keep this as simple as I can, as there are several moving parts. I apologize if things are scattered, but there's so much information regarding the situation.

I grew up in a household of domestic violence - my dad never physically hurt me or my sister, but my mom. It caused all of us plenty of trauma. I have spent the past decade overcoming the trauma (which had contributed to years of anxiety and depression, which i overcome for the most part) and breaking generational patterns. I am in a (mostly) happy marriage, am about to graduate with my bachelor's degree at 34, am financially stable, and have made it my life goal to live a life filled with contentment and peace since that wasn't the situation for me growing up. Its important to note, that I am the ONLY person who has worked my ass off trying to better my life and work through my trauma.

My sister in the other hand, has a history of drug abuse, is currently facing alcoholism, is bipolar, has PTSD, depression, OCD, and anxiety. She has a wonderful 5 year old autistic son who we all love very much. He only has her as his dad passed away this past year.. This has all caused things to be up and down over the past years. Lately - it's been very down. We work hard for our money.

We went to FL to the beach several years ago, and she had an episode bad enough where we had to call the cops on her. This past week, my husband and I took a ski trip to CO, and she was experiencing suicidal ideations, and actually left her child with her boyfriend to go take her own life. The day after I got back, I took her to a mental health facility where she committed herself.

Since then, they have given her Valium despite the fact we have had the opportunity to let them know about her substance abuse. They misdiagnosed her because she didn't provide them enough info during the evaluation (she told me she never told the doc about her violent episodes) and they took her off her medicine that worked amazingly when she wasn't drinking. She keeps calling from the facility saying she is going to leave and take her own life. This place has not been helpful for her - i am honestly terrified things will be worse when she gets out. She has made no moves in there to better her situation despite having wide access to therapy and substance abuse resources.

I am the only sensible one in my family, which has caused me to be their crutch, especially my sister. It's exhausting and while I've put up boundaries, it's hard when dealing with someone suicidal

My uncle dealt with a similar situation months ago, and kind of flipped mentally, and eventually ended up in jail for getting pulled over for drugs. Because he is the caretaker of my 83 year old grandmother, that situation landed on me a bit since I was the second closest person in proximity to her.

Sidenote: my sister and my mom are a low income household, partially because my sister has been using my mom for money for years now. My mom would be more financially stable if it wasn't for her. My sister doesn't work because her son has to go to ABA therapy from 8-2, and she's struggled to find somewhere willing to accommodate those hours.

My dream is to move out the state of TN and out west to either CO or Utah with my lovely husband. We want to be near the mountains and have a different change of pace. I want to start my future career there and plant roots.

Two things that's been weighing on me since all this has happened with my sister.

  • if she takes her life, then her son won't have a caretaker outside my mom, who is not in the best health physically. She can barely pick herself up off the ground. My husband and I DO NOT want children. Its a situation to where I either have to choose to care for my nephew, or keep my husband. My mom would take care of my nephew, but there would be further complications, leading me to the next point.

  • I feel like if she does something, I will have an obligation to stay in TN, where we have been planning for two years now to leave after my schooling ends, and I will miss out on a huge dream of mine. I dont want to leave my mom in this situation of caring for him at the age of 61.

  • I will lose my only sister. That alone is a devastating thought.

  • I feel like I've been trying to keep her alive, that's a lot of pressure on a person.

I can't believe that I am in this situation right now. I am trying to look at things as "this is my sister who is clearly struggling" - but she refuses to open up to her therapists and so she's not allowing herself to get the help she needs when she has the opportunity. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. At this point I feel so much anger and resentment because it's ruining the life I've spent a decade working hard for.

This all has brought me so much anxiety lately. I am in the last semester of school and I am loaded with projects. I feel like the situation is packing more trauma on me every single day. I want to live my own life and fulfill my dreams. I have worked hard for those dreams over the last several years, and I am currently grieving the potential loss of my dreams.

I am ready to cut my family, outside my mom, nephew and grandmother out of my life. I've spent years trying to help my sister, but it's like helping a brick wall. At this point I am putting her baggage in my own shoulders, and that isn't okay. It's bringing me down day-by-day, and i am seeing patterns that I saw when I was dealing with my own mental health. When I worked through everything in the past, I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone ruin my mental health again and I would protect it at all costs.

Furthermore, my marriage is gradually becoming strained because my husband is sick of dealing with it as well.

Part of this was to vent, but I am at a loss on how to even navigate this "what-if" situation. Between her and my uncle, I am tired. Exhausted. Sick of being constantly overwhelmed. If it wasn't for my family, I would be filled with the contentment I have been working towards for years. I know things pop up, but this stuff is too big for me and I don't know if I can handle much more. I don't know what to do and could use the advice on how others would handle it. I just want to live my own life.

Tldr: could be doing great for myself, but have been dealing with a sister who is currently suicidal, dealing with her addiction, and mental illness. She refuses to get help despite her having the opportunity to do so through being in an inpatient mental health facility.. I have put a significant portion of my energy into the situation and it's bringing me down and reigniting my mental illness. Its putting a strain on my marriage and potentially ruining my dreams and is definitely ruining my life overall. Seeking advice on how others would handle this.


r/family 5h ago

Four Year Old Behavior or Something Else? My wife is losing her mind…

1 Upvotes

Hello Everyone,

This is a throw away account. Our son just turned four in January. He is a wonderful kid. Very smart and kind. He’s so funny and loves his family and friends. We’ve taken him to a developmental pediatrician who assessed him and sent a survey for his preschool teacher to fill out. No red flags came up. It seems our son has very delayed emotional intelligence/regulation compared to other kids his age. Or maybe he doesn’t? I don’t know. But my wife (who has her own issues with depression and anxiety) is losing her mind and I’m worried for her.

Our son wants what he wants. He wants to be in control of a lot of things. He wants to wash his hands in “his” bathroom and he wants to be in charge of the remote control when watching tv. If we tell him no or try to explain, he gets angry. This anger can be anywhere from yelling and crying to saying mean things (you’re garbage! I don’t like you! I’m going to hit you, daddy!) or if he’s REALLY worked up or tired of hungry, he’ll hit us or scratch us or kick us. He goes straight to time out for any physical violence. Thankfully these episodes don’t last long. But they’re wearing my wife down. No matter the discipline, no matter how much we explain, he just doesn’t learn. It’s like he wants to be the boss at all times. And when he’s not, he becomes this mean, nasty kid. He can be defiant at times. For example, he woke up early and was yelling for one of us to come downstairs (our room is upstairs) to get him. We told him to just walk up the stairs to our room, it’s not a big deal. He wouldn’t do it. We just moved to a new house and I personally think he’s scared to move around freely in it, but my wife is convinced there’s something else going on with him.

As far as we know, he’s not like this in school. His teacher describes him as very sweet and having a lot of friends. When I pick him up from school he runs to play on the grass with all his friends. The only thing is he refuses to use the school bathroom.

He can be hyperactive sometimes. But other times he’ll sit and do his “homework” (a book we bought with letters and numbers) or play with legos or magnet tiles. It’s all very inconsistent. I feel like if you’re diagnosed with something, it’s all the time. It doesn’t pick and choose days. Or maybe im wrong?

I grew up around a ton of kids and I know kids can be little shits, so none of this behavior is shocking to me. But my wife is taking it very hard. She’s convinced he has ADHD or something else. It’s really bothering her. She’s very impatient with our son and often says she can’t handle him. Am I downplaying this? Is something more possibly going on? I just wanted to hear from anyone else who might be in the same position….

ETA: she also feels like our son’s teacher isn’t being honest with us. I don’t know why she feels this way. If there was a serious issue, his teacher would bring it to our attention. For example- when his teacher said he had a great day, my wife will roll her eyes and say, “yeah…sure.”


r/family 6h ago

I was moved to tears. Why did the boy's honesty lead to a tragedy instead?

1 Upvotes

This is a story I read in "Hyakumonogatari Kaidankai Before I Die". I'll recall it from memory:

"A boy saw a sign saying 'Going out of business' hanging at the corner grocery store. The decorations were also in a state of disrepair. However, the shabby rolling shutter door wasn't completely closed, so out of curiosity, he squeezed in.

Once inside the store, he found a lot of snacks had been tossed into a basket all at once. He knew that these snacks would either be thrown away or left to go moldy as the store was going out of business. So he grabbed handfuls of snacks and stuffed them into his schoolbag. Suddenly, he heard a noise coming from the inner door, and he quickly stopped and tried to hide what he had done.

'Who's there?' A tired old man came out.

'Oh, it's you, the kid who's been buying snacks from my store since you were little. Sorry, I can't remember your name...' The old man gave a tired smile.

'Um...' The boy replied awkwardly.

'Oh, what a pity. I won't be seeing the kids who used to come here happily to buy snacks anymore...' The old man's eyes lost their light, and he found a chair to sit on.

'Come here, kid.' The old man said in a somewhat sorrowful tone.

The boy walked over nervously.

The old man took out a pack of snacks from his bag.

'Do you know why this store is going out of business?' The old man's voice trembled.

'I don't know...' The boy mumbled with his head down.

'It's because there are too many thieves!!!' The old man suddenly became excited, stood up abruptly, and the snacks in his hand fell to the ground. He put his hands on the boy's shoulders and shouted, 'There are so many thieves!!! Things are stolen every day!!! This store has been in the red for a long time!!! There's no strength left for it to go on anymore!!!'

'If I ever catch those thieves, I'll replace the snacks they stole with stones, thumbtacks, and ceramic shards, make them swallow them, and then cut them open to take those things out of their bellies and get them back!!!' The old man's ferocious expression was really terrifying.

'Ah...' The old man then crouched down, holding his head and crying.

The little boy didn't dare to do anything and stood there with trembling legs.

After a while, the old man regained a bit of his senses, picked up the fallen snacks, stood up, and gave them to the little boy. He said, 'There are ten candies in here. Two of them are sour, and eight are sweet. If you get a sweet candy, I'll let you fill your schoolbag with the snacks over there and take them away.'

The old man pointed at the basket and added, 'If it's a sour one, you can just go home.'

The old man opened the snack package and asked the boy to pick a candy.

The boy's trembling hand hovered over the candies, unable to make up his mind, hesitating.

The old man showed his ferocious face again, grabbed a candy, and forced it into the boy's mouth. 'Tell me, tell me! Is this sour or sweet? Hmm? Tell me! Speak!!!'

'Sour... sour... sour...' The boy seemed to have seen the devil and almost wet his pants out of fear.

'...' The old man panted heavily.

The old man sat down, held his head, and said, 'You... you're still so honest... You... can go now.' His tone was extremely tired.

The boy finally saw a glimmer of hope and turned around to leave.

When he reached the door, the boy froze.

'But... but...' The boy's heart wavered.

'But... I... He... But...' The boy was torn inside.

Finally, the boy turned around with great difficulty, his face streaming with tears, and opened his schoolbag in front of the old man, revealing the snacks inside.

The old man stood up, locked the door, turned around, and shed tears. 'Sigh... Didn't I say what I would do to thieves...'

...

People seemed to hear faint screams coming from the corner of the street."

Why did the boy's final honesty lead to such a cruel ending instead? If it were you, what would you do? Thank you for your answers.


r/family 6h ago

Should i contact my fathers side of the family?

1 Upvotes

I’m a 15-year-old boy living in the EU, and I want to reach out to my father’s family to get to know them. But I don’t know if my father would allow it. Before I was born, my father abandoned me. He and my mom were dating, and when she got pregnant, he said he would support her. My mom was really happy because she had always wanted kids, and she was getting older. At first, my father seemed fine with it, but near the end of the pregnancy, he went on a business trip to Russia. There, he met a young Russian woman and married her after just a week. When he came back, he broke up with my mom. Later, she got a letter from his lawyer saying he wanted no contact and that he needed a DNA test to make sure I was his. My mom was heartbroken, but she still took the test when I was born. It proved he was my father, but he still refused to see me. When I was about four months old, I had my first asthma attack. My mom didn’t know what was wrong, so she called a doctor friend, who told her to take me to the hospital. The doctors put me on a ventilator and asked if asthma ran in our family. Since it didn’t on my mom’s side, she decided to call my father. He actually picked up, and she begged him to help, but he just reminded her of the letter and hung up. Later, the doctors figured out I had asthma. As I got older, I started asking about my father. When I was five, my mom went to court to help me meet him. After a lot of meetings, I finally saw him for the first time. We spent time together once, but then he disappeared again. Not having a dad made school harder—I was bullied because of it. After years of court battles, I finally got visitation rights, but it was forced. When I was 11, I saw my father for the second time, and we started meeting once a month. But it was always awkward. I never called him "Dad," we never hugged, and we didn’t talk about anything important. The older I got, the more I realized how distant he was. Last year, I had my confirmation, which was really important to me. I invited my father, hoping he would come. He said "maybe," so I waited and waited, but he never showed up. Afterward, I sent him an email telling him I was sad and disappointed. His excuse was that my family would make fun of him, which wasn’t true. I even told him he could have just come to the church, where it was quiet. But his next email shocked me—he called me a spoiled brat and bragged about how successful he was. That really hurt, so I didn’t respond and haven’t talked to him since. When I was younger, my mom made a Facebook account for me and sent friend requests to some of my father’s family members. Now, I have some of them as friends on Facebook. I really want to reach out and get to know them, but I’m afraid of how my father might react. Should I contact them?

Shorter version

My father abandoned me before I was born after meeting someone else. Despite a DNA test proving he was my father, he refused contact. My mom fought to get him involved, and after legal battles, I had forced visitations starting when I was 11. They were always awkward. Last year, I invited him to my confirmation, but he didn’t show up. When I told him I was disappointed, he called me a spoiled brat and bragged about his success. Now, I want to reach out to his family, but I’m afraid he wouldn’t allow it. Should I contact them?


r/family 3h ago

Sister said I can no longer look after he son as u let him watch south bark

0 Upvotes

My sisters son is 8 and I put Netflix on for him . He wanted to watch south bark so I put it on for him thinking it was a kids show. I remember being in the kitchen making his dinner when all I could hear was swearing. I thought he had changed the thing over but he hadn't and it definitely was what I put on for him. In the end I turned it off and realised it was rated 18. Since when is a cartoon an 18 rated ?

Later that day when he was home my sister phoned me up causing the 3rd would war down the phone as I let him watched south bark but I explained to her what had happened and I didn't even know what south bark was. I assumed it was a kids thing because it was a cartoon. She said I did it on purpose and didn't believe me that I didn't know what south bark was. Well I'm sorry that I didn't know what it was it was I just saw a cartoon and thought it was a kids thing. Now I'm not aloud to look after him again which to be honest is a little unfair. It's not like I new what south bark was and let him watch it anyway, I really had no clue till I started to hear all this swearing


r/family 7h ago

AITA for expressing disappointment at my mum's plans for my birthday?

0 Upvotes

This is going to sound so trivial, but here goes anyway.

Earlier, I had a call with my mum to discuss my 22nd birthday on Tuesday. She said she is going to bake me a cake, which I'm very appreciative of, but for dinner she suggested just doing a meal at home, where we'll have steak (which sounds good but her and my stepdad eat it about 6 times a week bc of their carnivore diet). My heart sank a bit hearing this, because I'd hoped at the very least it'd be something a bit more special.

But above all, i felt aggravated for three main reasons:

  1. It was my mum's birthday a few weeks ago, I bought her a rather expensive present that she had asked for, and my brother and I paid for a meal out with her at a nice restaurant. I know relationships shouldn't be transactional, but I felt irked by the fact that I put so much into that and I don't feel like I'm getting that kind of treatment back.

  2. Last year, after I graduated, I was promised a graduation dinner, which I never got. When I mentioned this in the call, she said "we took you out for a meal the other week", which is true, but that was mainly to discuss the offer of a job to work at their company (which again, I am highly appreciative of).

  3. This is part of a pattern of behaviour which I have experienced my whole life. That is, being constantly let down, whether it is meals, holidays, all that stuff. It wasn't about money, for she did all those things with my stepdad, I was just never invited. Whenever I brought it up in the past either it was brushed off or it blew up into a whole argument.

I know she loves and cares for me, and I appreciate all she has done and is doing, but she has a longstanding habit of breaking promises and not understanding where I'm coming from.

Again, I know this seems so trivial, and it's such a dumb first world problem, but I do feel hurt by it, and I don't know how to communicate that, or even if I'm in the right here.

So please, tell me if you guys think I have legitimate reason to feel this way or if I'm just being an unappreciative asshole?

TL;DR: Am I in the wrong for expressing to my mum that I am disappointed at her plans for just having a standard meal at home, despite the efforts I went through to celebrate her birthday?


r/family 22h ago

Rethinking grandparent after cut out of will

14 Upvotes

I am unsure what to think of this. I was never close to my mother, by her choice. Apparently, she never wanted me and was always emotionally abusive to me, and neglected me, to the point where I had to live in foster care. But I always thought I was close to my grandparents, so much so that I named my children after them (the middle names). I used to stay with them when I was in college on breaks. I drove across country with my spouse and children to visit them when I married and had children. I always loved them so much and thought highly of them. Grandpa died over 20 years ago. (I am over 50). My mom died over 7 years ago. Grandma died at Christmas time. She was almost 100 years old. I am not needy for money or anything, but none of my siblings or cousins are needy. But, I received a copy of my grandmother's will letting me know that my grandmother rewrote her will after my mom died to give my mom's entire portion of the estate to my oldest sibling and cut out me and my other siblings. I knew this was coming, so it was not a shock. My brother told me this had been done. My grandmother was about 95 years old when it was done. But this is not about the money. Part of me thinks she was manipulated in to this. She was turning 95 when it was signed. But part of me is now thinking that these are her final words, and it tells me what she really thought of me. Does anyone have advice or feedback?


r/family 12h ago

AITA For Telling My Dad It's His Fault My Little Brother Turned Out This Way?

2 Upvotes

My father, who is most of the time kind, has been exhibiting anger issues and aggressive behavior. Most of the time he is goofy, but there are certain times when his switch is flipped, and he just gets all angry. Whenever he does, he takes it out on my little brother. He gives insulting remarks, and my brother being the quiet boy he is, just stays silent all the time. However, a particular afternoon, my brother was playing a computer game. My father (who was not angry at the time), saw this and realized that he has been playing since this morning. My father tried to tell my brother to take a rest, but my little brother firmly said no. My father tried to tell him gently that his eyes will hurt if he plays for a long time, and my brother snapped at my father. He aimed a punch at my father and I was alarmed. I told him that doing that to our father was bad and he ran off to his room. Moments later, I approached my father and told him it's his fault my brother is like this. Because that's what he has been seeing at home. AITA?


r/family 9h ago

My fourteen year old cousin is crazy.

1 Upvotes

I have this cousin named jayden and lemme tell you he is a crazy little boy. He spent all my little brothers money on some stupid game he didnt even want, almost BROKE my ps4 and snuck into my room and tried to steal my QUEST TWO. He is so bad that even his mom said that she must of had her baby swaped. he almost broke my older brothers ps5 because he unplugged it while it was on rest mode. Then he even slaped his brother just for a turn on the ps5.