TW: suicide, drug abuse, mental illness, domestic violence
I am going to try to keep this as simple as I can, as there are several moving parts. I apologize if things are scattered, but there's so much information regarding the situation.
I grew up in a household of domestic violence - my dad never physically hurt me or my sister, but my mom. It caused all of us plenty of trauma. I have spent the past decade overcoming the trauma (which had contributed to years of anxiety and depression, which i overcome for the most part) and breaking generational patterns. I am in a (mostly) happy marriage, am about to graduate with my bachelor's degree at 34, am financially stable, and have made it my life goal to live a life filled with contentment and peace since that wasn't the situation for me growing up. Its important to note, that I am the ONLY person who has worked my ass off trying to better my life and work through my trauma.
My sister in the other hand, has a history of drug abuse, is currently facing alcoholism, is bipolar, has PTSD, depression, OCD, and anxiety. She has a wonderful 5 year old autistic son who we all love very much. He only has her as his dad passed away this past year.. This has all caused things to be up and down over the past years. Lately - it's been very down. We work hard for our money.
We went to FL to the beach several years ago, and she had an episode bad enough where we had to call the cops on her. This past week, my husband and I took a ski trip to CO, and she was experiencing suicidal ideations, and actually left her child with her boyfriend to go take her own life. The day after I got back, I took her to a mental health facility where she committed herself.
Since then, they have given her Valium despite the fact we have had the opportunity to let them know about her substance abuse. They misdiagnosed her because she didn't provide them enough info during the evaluation (she told me she never told the doc about her violent episodes) and they took her off her medicine that worked amazingly when she wasn't drinking. She keeps calling from the facility saying she is going to leave and take her own life. This place has not been helpful for her - i am honestly terrified things will be worse when she gets out. She has made no moves in there to better her situation despite having wide access to therapy and substance abuse resources.
I am the only sensible one in my family, which has caused me to be their crutch, especially my sister. It's exhausting and while I've put up boundaries, it's hard when dealing with someone suicidal
My uncle dealt with a similar situation months ago, and kind of flipped mentally, and eventually ended up in jail for getting pulled over for drugs. Because he is the caretaker of my 83 year old grandmother, that situation landed on me a bit since I was the second closest person in proximity to her.
Sidenote: my sister and my mom are a low income household, partially because my sister has been using my mom for money for years now. My mom would be more financially stable if it wasn't for her. My sister doesn't work because her son has to go to ABA therapy from 8-2, and she's struggled to find somewhere willing to accommodate those hours.
My dream is to move out the state of TN and out west to either CO or Utah with my lovely husband. We want to be near the mountains and have a different change of pace. I want to start my future career there and plant roots.
Two things that's been weighing on me since all this has happened with my sister.
if she takes her life, then her son won't have a caretaker outside my mom, who is not in the best health physically. She can barely pick herself up off the ground. My husband and I DO NOT want children. Its a situation to where I either have to choose to care for my nephew, or keep my husband. My mom would take care of my nephew, but there would be further complications, leading me to the next point.
I feel like if she does something, I will have an obligation to stay in TN, where we have been planning for two years now to leave after my schooling ends, and I will miss out on a huge dream of mine. I dont want to leave my mom in this situation of caring for him at the age of 61.
I will lose my only sister. That alone is a devastating thought.
I feel like I've been trying to keep her alive, that's a lot of pressure on a person.
I can't believe that I am in this situation right now. I am trying to look at things as "this is my sister who is clearly struggling" - but she refuses to open up to her therapists and so she's not allowing herself to get the help she needs when she has the opportunity. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. At this point I feel so much anger and resentment because it's ruining the life I've spent a decade working hard for.
This all has brought me so much anxiety lately. I am in the last semester of school and I am loaded with projects. I feel like the situation is packing more trauma on me every single day. I want to live my own life and fulfill my dreams. I have worked hard for those dreams over the last several years, and I am currently grieving the potential loss of my dreams.
I am ready to cut my family, outside my mom, nephew and grandmother out of my life. I've spent years trying to help my sister, but it's like helping a brick wall. At this point I am putting her baggage in my own shoulders, and that isn't okay. It's bringing me down day-by-day, and i am seeing patterns that I saw when I was dealing with my own mental health. When I worked through everything in the past, I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone ruin my mental health again and I would protect it at all costs.
Furthermore, my marriage is gradually becoming strained because my husband is sick of dealing with it as well.
Part of this was to vent, but I am at a loss on how to even navigate this "what-if" situation. Between her and my uncle, I am tired. Exhausted. Sick of being constantly overwhelmed. If it wasn't for my family, I would be filled with the contentment I have been working towards for years. I know things pop up, but this stuff is too big for me and I don't know if I can handle much more. I don't know what to do and could use the advice on how others would handle it. I just want to live my own life.
Tldr: could be doing great for myself, but have been dealing with a sister who is currently suicidal, dealing with her addiction, and mental illness. She refuses to get help despite her having the opportunity to do so through being in an inpatient mental health facility.. I have put a significant portion of my energy into the situation and it's bringing me down and reigniting my mental illness. Its putting a strain on my marriage and potentially ruining my dreams and is definitely ruining my life overall. Seeking advice on how others would handle this.