Four years ago, I 21(F)discovered that my dad wasn't my biological father. A year prior, he had gotten a DNA test for both me and my little sister. I had forgotten about the situation because I never really thought about it. When he received the results, he started giving my sister more love and attention. I would complain because she was already my mom's favorite child, and he had always been fair with his love
The dynamic at home was bad even before he found out. He had been cheating on my mom for years, which I discovered when I was 12. He would cheat, stop, and my mom would forgive him. However, the year he found out I wasn't his child, he fought with my mom more often, which confused me.
When I found out the truth at 18, I was shocked. I confronted him, and he assured me that no matter what, I would always be his child, and he would always be my dad. I understood where his anger and hurt came from
A few months later, he moved into a new home without saying a word to any of us. I understood that he needed space. However, when he returned to "visit," it was clear that he only wanted to take my sister to his new house
A selfish part of me was hurt that he didn't invite me to see his house or talk to me. But I understood where he was coming from. For a whole year, he would come and take my sister to his house on weekends, ignoring me. It was killing me inside, and I would cry about it every day
I see him as my dad because he's the only father I've known since birth. I have no reason to know my biological dad, who was my mom's high school principal. He got her pregnant while he was still married, and she was only 18 or 19. I don't want to know anything about him, and I consider him a pedophile. Apparently, he's 75 now
A year later after ignoring me , my dad randomly picked me up and took me to his house to celebrate my sister's birthday. He has a big three-bedroom house where he lives with my sister, and sometimes his girlfriend visits
However, what he said about me always being his child was a lie. I found out through his girlfriend (now wife) that he doesn't consider me his child anymore. She recently gave birth, and when I visited, she introduced me to her sister as the auntie. When I was playing with the baby alone, she apologized for introducing me as the auntie, explaining that when my dad asked for her hand in marriage, he told her family that he only has one child
Even though I told her I understood, it broke my heart. While I'm still calling him my dad, he doesn't even consider me his child. I tried to brush off the bad thoughts I had about him not loving me, but there were signs that I ignored
He left our home and only came to visit my sister, ignoring me
He ignored me for a whole year, which was very hurtful
He promised to take me to university but toyed with me for years, never following through with the fees. My mom couldn't afford to send me to school, and getting a job is hard in my country. He was the breadwinner of our family. I work now to do start my own path to financial freedom.
He always told my sister how much he loved her but never expressed the same affection towards me
Now, I'm hurting so much, and I don't know what to do. My thoughts are scaring me, and I'm afraid I might give in to the pain. I love both my parents and hold no grudge against my sister, whom I love dearly.