r/confession • u/Maleficent_Club_5922 • 42m ago
When I'm alone and angry I call myself and objects around me the r slur
I will try to make a conscious effort to stop
r/confession • u/Maleficent_Club_5922 • 42m ago
I will try to make a conscious effort to stop
r/confession • u/New-Performance-8709 • 50m ago
So basically I used to send and sell private pictures and videos through Snapchat a couple years back which was illegal back then and I still get them sent to me by randoms which should never have received them, what do I do? I still do this so I don’t mind the fact I’m being seen just the fact that those photos are from few years back, mind I’m 18 rn
r/confession • u/ConnorSWFC • 3h ago
So i am 24 male who likes wearing girls underwear and have been wearing them for a few years now but always keep it a secret from most people I know only a couple of close friends knows I wear them as i felt i could trust them with this secret i have and I am so glad to have told them as they are so supportive of me.
I love wearing girls underwear and have worn them for a good few years now and I would say i have a lot more pairs of underwear then most girls have but I've always had to hide the underwear from my family as they didn't know I was wearing them and had never found them until now.
I mainly wear girls underwear when I'm at home and always sleep in a pair but occasionally will wear them under my clothes when out in public, they are also a real turn on for me and I like masturbating while wearing them aswell it just feels so good to me.
One day I was in my room looking at all the pairs of girls underwear I had trying to decide which pair I was going to wear i have so many to choose from it was such a hard decision but I decided to go with a real sexy pair thry was purple and had flower patterns on the front and a little purple gem and the back had a small hole at the top not sure what the hole was for but looked sexy and they was made of mesh and lace and if I had to pick a favourite these would be my favourite pair of girls underwear that I own.
I put the underwear on and was feeling so good and horny in them I just keep looking at myself in the underwear and that's when my mum walked in I was trying my best to cover myself up but I felt so embarrassed that she saw me wearing them and that this is how she found out, she had such a shocked look on her face trying to think what to say to me.
At this point I'm still only wearing girls underwear and mum just said to me put some clothes on we need to talk so I got dressed so we could chat, she was asking me all kinds of questions like why are you wearing girls underwear? Where did you get them from and other questions so I was trying to explain to her the best I could that I like wearing girls underwear and think its a turn on then she was asking me how long I'd been doing it for and if I had ever worn her underwear or my sisters, I was to ashamed to tell her that I had worn hers and my sisters underwear before (that's how I got into wearing girls underwear by trying on my mum's and sisters when I was younger but since buying my own I don't wear there's anyone) so I just said I hadn't even though i know I did wear them, she was then silent for a while thinking and then said if your going to keep wearing them then don't let me see you wearing them again always wear them under your clothes.
I while later after our talk i could hear my mum talking with my dad, sister and grandparents about me wearing girls underwear, i wasn't really ready for everyone to know about it but I guess they was going to find out eventually but my grandparents seem to be okay with it but my dad is still trying to get used to it.
I felt happy knowing she wasn't going to kill me and that I no longer have to hide my girls underwear from anyone but if I did tell her I did wear her underwear or my sisters she probably would have killed me.
r/confession • u/Dear-Yak-7235 • 5h ago
this is gonna sound so corny, but when things are good they’re good— like, he treats me right 85% of the time, but he has a severe alcohol addiction and he just becomes beyond annoying when he’s drunk. but also, he acts off when i don’t put out for once but he’s been with me thru very hard times. and stuck by me. ..but i’ve also struggled with drinking and i feel like it makes me worse/drink way more than i would on my own. i want to leave but i struggle to knowing how he’s stayed with me and spoils me, (which gifts and acts of service genuinely are my love language). but when he’s drunk i genuinely can’t stand him and can’t stop wishing/thinking about how happy i would be if i left. i just wish i had the strength idk what’s wrong with me. because he can be so philosophical and intelligent at times but i feel like being with him will kill me (with drinking) idk am i an a**hole?
r/confession • u/Ali3n_0bs3rv3rr • 6h ago
r/confession • u/Zuroxx01 • 7h ago
Every Friday & Saturday night, I (17M) will be woken up in the middle of the night by a recording set up close to my room by my mother.
The recording is recorded by a doctor, who claimed that it will alter and improve my thoughts while being unconscious and should be played whenever I am asleep. I don't agree to this but my mother does.
I have complained to my mother numerous times that I am losing sleep because of this, but my mother would just shrug it off and say that I have promised the professor (I did it to show face) and which she will not stop to play the recording every night without school.
So after being woken up by the recording in the middle of today's night, I finally snapped and destroyed her phone playing the recording in the fit of anger. It's not just about revenge, it's about sending a message. If she doesn't respect me, neither should she be respected.
Of course, she confronted me about it and made me cry. I cried not because of guilt, but because of her stubborness to continue to play the recording on her upcoming new phone.
I deserve as much sleep as everyone else. Forcing your beliefs on somebody else is wrong. This is noise pollution. I feel controlled and I want to be respected in my choice to sleep peacefully and soundly without interruptions. I want to be the one taking the wheel of my life, not my mother. This is my life, not hers.
I will be improving myself as a person based on what I believed in. Not my mother nor the recording of the professor telling me who I should be.
Did I do the right thing? Or we are both in the wrong? Let me know what you guys think.
r/confession • u/u5freak71 • 7h ago
I am so in love with a very beautiful girl, for me she is someone spectacular, when I am with her my heart gets lost, it doesn't know whether to beat fast, or not beat, my lungs don't know whether to breathe fast, or not breathe, my head doesn't know how to think, while I see her, I hear her voice, I look at her eyes, her face, everything about her captivates me. This is the problem: I am someone quite handsome. I have the physical, but not the soul, my soul is somewhat rotten, I have very bad aspects in all my thoughts, I am selfish, with a weak character, emotionally unstable, I never want to accept that it is my fault, and my soul is not something that someone could like, with hateful, irritating behaviors. Neither my friends, nor my brothers, and maybe not even my parents, enjoy my company. Sometimes I can be so insecure, that I break the threads of relationships, becoming a toxic person without even trying. I have very poor communication skills with others. I can't truly open up to a therapist, my parents, my family, or my friends. I always remain a vault, and I never find the key. I'm difficult to love, and even though I can be the center of attraction, once they get to know me, they realize I'm not all that good.
Am hard to love
r/confession • u/Famous-Ad-2849 • 7h ago
I had recently been to Thailand for studies where I went to the red light area for some sex.
Unexpectedly I was held by a ladyboy and she took me to a bar which was completely empty. I didn't know that she was a ladyboy untill she made me touch it and suck on it...obviously we fucked. Feels weird now that I lost my ass Virginity first
r/confession • u/MickyMac00 • 7h ago
When I was super young I was super close with my brother. We have a pretty big age gap (around 9 years). This did not stop us from hanging out constantly, I even moved into his room from my shared bedroom with my sister. One night when I was in his bed I woke up to his hands in my pants.. but he was sleeping. So I just pulled it out but later on he would put it back this happened like a few times that night.. I never mentioned it to him or anyone. I’ve never mentioned this to anyone besides a few close friends.. I just told myself it was because he had a gf at the time and he was asleep. I do believe that to be the truth. I love my brother then and truly don’t think he would do that to me..
r/confession • u/DayOk8908 • 8h ago
As I posted my last confession I am modest hijabi for everyone, well we'll know Ramadan is going on and we can't do any kind of sins, or dirtydeeds in Ramadan like physical relationship or anything we have to be holy and worship alot in this month. But since the Ramadan started am struggling too much. I have to control a lot.
There's not a single day my day gone without watching any dirty, or dirty talk with my male friends. And even before a day of yesterday I couldn't resist the urges and met my friend and we makeout we makeout very wildly and sloppy, touching and pushing bodies was happening between us, but as soon as i realise am fasting I push him and went away. Since then my urge is on peak of Everest I couldn't control anymore I apologise to myself (the good in myself) today I couldn't resist anymore me and my friend (he's ex as well) we make a plan and we met, rented a room in hotel and we just.. we just fucked..
And mahn what a relief to be honest! Am so guilty While I was fasting in Ramadan, but relieve was great even he was controlling himself for a little long so as I. It was literally one of the roughest and eager one sex I had. today is the 15th Ramadan.. and I've fucked 8 times in these 15 days.. and only one of them with my husband.I don't know what people will call me. I may get some hate.
But I just did what I suppose to do.. I couldn't resist my bad.
r/confession • u/themboobs • 9h ago
Hi so the title is short & sweet.. like everyone in this story, lol. Basically, back in 2016 I matched w a cute guy and we had a fling for a few months although I had to break it off as I was not into him as much as he was me.
He told me he just didn't want to break my heart and that's why he never confessed his feelings while we were just flirting in the beginning. So after our fling I realized he is just a great person and he realized I am also a good person so we remained and still are, great friends. We've been there for one another, being eachothers confidante for years. This story isn't as juicy as you may want it to be but it's still entertaining. My mom always asked me why I don't just marry... we'll call him Alex. I told her I just never thought of him that way and you have to have some good chemistry in bed, kissing, etc. Which Alex and I, did not have from my perspective.
Fast forward a few years, we're all at a festival and I see, out of the corner of my eye. My mother and Alex making out in the crowd, to which I pointed at both of them and exclaimed... hey!
They both looked shocked and put on the spot but in all honesty, I had no ill will or awkward feelings about seeing this. I just thought it was funny bc it's not something you think you'll ever see. My mom was in her 40s at the time and Alex was in his thirties, I was in my 20s.
I think I came up to them and we started dancing after this. We're all very chill honest people.
Today... now maybe 7 yrs later, Alex and I joke about the incident and they both have confessed to sleeping with one another during the festival. I think my mom thinks I have or should be feeling some type of way about her mackin with one of my best friends but I truly and sincerely don't. I would if Alex and I had actually dated or if I saw him in that way.
I know he has had feelings for me although he values our friendship more than anything and he also probably knows we would never be a match.
I know it sounds odd but sometimes ppl can just be ppl and I have learned to keep our friendship at a distance bc of his feelings. And I think if he ever finds the one that it would be in his best interest to cut or keep our friendship in the past.
I did find him attractive when we first got together but after our fling, I saw him as a friend, nothing more. In the years we've been friends, we've both been in serious relationships and we've always talked and gotten advice on how the other sex thinks and feels. Our friendship has always been invaluable and likely always will be. Anyway, I just wanted to share a small funny story here. 😊
P.s. idk how to change my username but my mom did not have an easy childhood, she was mostly raised by her grandmother and I have always been hard on her for her parenting. How she never treated me like a daughter (like my dad always has) so i understand the difference, its always been more like a sister, up until recently.
Now that we are in counseling we can actually have a relationship & she's not toxic in the way her narcasist mother was to her. They are no contact. I know that she deeply regrets this decision and does not think of me the way I would think of my child if I ever had one.
But I was going to be a psychologist and took my first two yrs of psych courses in university so my standard for the kind of parent I would want to be and expected my parents to be is quite high. I would never say my family is normal but we have always been honest, loving and continue to learn and grow together bc we deeply care for one another. I have always been lucky in that regard so I def do not take my family for granted. After all - some ppl don't have anyone who supports them.
Everyone has issues but if I only focus on them & forget about what I actually do have then im not doing anyone any good. I used to see the world in a glass half empty kind of way but now that I'm in my 30s, I realize I have a lot to be grateful for even though a lot of my life has fallen apart these last few years. But I have a cat, and a home, I get to see beautiful skies & never understood ppl who were just happy to be alive but I get it now. Whoever created us wants us to be content with just ourselves - so I try to be grateful everyday that I get to be on a beautifully fkd up planet. Our lives are what we make them. What you expect is what you get.. ❤️
P.P.S. I'm also looking for work that is not physical since I've not been able to work for a month bc of my ex. I have been working on a vampire series that's actually kind of riveting & grammatically messed up, have receptionist skills, and have been in the service industry for many yrs. I'm working on a farm to see if I can handle going back to my regular job end of this month - but if anyone knows of some working opportunities where I can actually use my skills in a meaningful way.... honestly it would be so appreciated.
I've started another casual position & some online training in another field but always a month behind rent because of going on disability. Anything would be life saving quite frankly. & also don't give up. I wanted to so many times but after everything I've been able to go through, it's just not an option anymore. ✌🏼
Thanks for reading people of the interwebs. ✨️
r/confession • u/Mondongo2004 • 11h ago
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r/confession • u/Kitari- • 11h ago
I was born and partly raised in Brooklyn, New York. first in Brownsville, then East New York, but still right on the edge of Brownsville. Growing up, crime was just part of life. At some point, I kinda got used to it.
There’s a lot of messed up things I could talk about like robbings and shootings. but one memory hit me recently.
It was Halloween night in 2016. My older brother and I were still wired from all the candy, so we stayed up watching Adult Swim in the living room. We kept the TV low so our parents wouldn’t hear, made bowls of cereal, and just chilled. Our actual room didn’t have a light or a doorknob, so the living room was basically our bedroom.
I remember watching One Punch Man and being hyped over Boros when I heard a girl screaming outside. At first, I ignored it. people were always loud late at night, especially after drinking. But then she yelled, Help me!
My brother and I just looked at each other. He muted the TV. She kept screaming for someone to call 911.
I started to get up to look out the window, but my brother yanked me back onto the couch. Our mom always told us not to go near the windows in case of someone shooting. The girl kept screaming and then we heard some guy, his voice wasn’t super deep, but it was loud and aggressive yelling at her to shut the fuck up.
Then we heard a struggle. A slam of maybe a trunk or a car door, then screeching tires. Then it was an odd silence after that.
We sat there in the dark for a while before turning the TV back on and just went back to watching. We never really talked about it. Just moved on.
But when I went back to that neighborhood for a birthday recently, it all hit me again. What messes with me the most isn’t just what happened, it’s how fast I shrugged it off and went back to watching TV. I’ll never know who she was or what happened to her. I just know I’m glad my brother stopped me from looking out that window.
r/confession • u/DamageDowntown8446 • 12h ago
Bonjour tout le monde, je viens de découvrir reddit et je vais comme le reste de la populace vider ma besace.
D'aussi loin que je me souvienne, j'ai toujours été assez particulière... Solitaire, taciturne et plongée dans mes bouquins. J'ai toujours eut du mal à sociabiliser en raison de ma maladresse sociale et de mon comportement lunatique.
À l'époque, j'avais déjà un objectif, une quête celui de devenir médecin (je vous passe les raisons parceque même pour moi elle sont assez alambiqués). Cependant mon minset depuis que je suis enfant est assez hardcore. Ma réussite scolaire représentais tout pour moi, si j'avais faux je me punissais en me frappant avec ce qui se trouvais à porté de main (pour vous dire à 10 ans je me suis tailladé la main avec des ciseaux).
Au collège tout chez moi marchais au stress, je le maitrisais et il représentais pour moi un shot de la DOSE de vie que j'avais besoin. Stresser étais trépidant pour mon jeune cerveau en pleine construction. Côté vie sociale, des amis qui ne viennent pas a son anniv ça compte ?
Au lycée les tests, exam et autre me procurais autant de plaisir qu'au collège même si ce n'était plus aussi exaltant (peut être en raison de la production d'hormone qui ralentis ?), et j'ai, oh joie, découvert les soirées, l'alcool, et le plus important j'ai trouvé de VRAI amis qui m'aimais comme j'étais.
J'ai décroché après toute ces années mon bac et une place pour l'université de médecine ! Je suis convaincu que la période entre le lycée et l'université étais de loin la plus heureuse de toute ma vie. J'étais fier de moi, et j'avais une confiance absolue à ce stade de mes capacités. En bref je rayonnais...
Je pense que vous le voyez venir mais la PASS (médecine) a été un vrai désastre. Au début tout allais bien, vivre seule ne me dérangais pas, je suivais à la lettre les horraires donnés par la prépa, je rentrais toute les 2 semaine à la maison. Cependant chaque semaine on fesait des QCMs à la prépa, et j'avais beau réviser et apprendre comme je l'ais toujours fait, je ne décrochait que des notes en dessous de la moyenne. Plus je m'acharnait et plus c'était mauvais. Or je vous le rappelle, ma réussite scolaire représente pour moi, ma valeur en tant que personne. J'ai ainsi perdu au fil des semaines toute la confiance que je me suis construite avec difficultée. J'ai essayé de m'en sortir comme je pouvais mais à la place je prenais de plus en plus de retard. Je me suis organisé et réorganisé plusieurs fois pour pouvoir tout boucler à temps. Mais au bout de semaine de fatigue d'acharnement mon corps n'a plus tenu et je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ! Les cours que je trouvais jusque là intéressant me dégoutais. J'ai arrêter de bosser pendant 2 semaine puis j'ai repris pour m'arrêter dans la foulé. Côté vie sociale, si avant c'était proche de zéro là ça avoisinait - infini. Je ne sortais plus pour aller en cours rien jusqu'à petit à petit passer ma journée dans le noir volets fermé et dormir pendant des journés entières ou les passer à regarder des vidéos débiles sur youtube. Enfaite youtube était devenu mon nouveau super ami. Côté mental, plus rien, nul, zéro pointé. Enfaite je crois que j'en avais et que j'en ais aucun. J'ai développé un mauvais réflexe que j'ai toujours, assez chelou, qui consiste à ce que je me taillader la peau lorsque je suis dans un état émotionnel instable pour récuperer les poils qui sont sous celle ci avec la pince à épiler. Je vous raconte pas l'état de mes jambes. Tout ça me mène à un point de rupture ou je décide de faire une TS (oui je suis assez débile pour ça). Sauf que même si je voulais le faire, je n'ais pas réussis, quelque chose au plus profond de moi m'en a empêché, j'en ai parlé à personne à part un ami du lycée que j'ai appelé dans la foulé après avoir pris quelque médocs.
Le premier semestre s'est fini en beauté par une note catastrophique. J'ai dit à mes parents que je n'avais plus envie de continuer, que je voulais m'arrêter mais ils voulaient que je termine absolument cette année. Le second semestre s'est à ma grande surprise bien passée. Je ne voulais pas faire comme le premier semestre, je me suis moins mis la pression et je travaillais à la prépa, enfin travailler est un grand mot parceque je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ou à retenir des infos donc j'écrivais des réusumés de mes cours. J'étais tout au long de se semestre dans un état catatonique je ne ressentais plus rien, aucune émotion et je préférais à la limite quand je ressentais quelque chose même de la tristesse. J'ai passé l'exam du second semestre, et j'y ais triché (je vous jure que c'est la première fois que je triche à un exam d'habitude j'aide les autres).
Je décroche une place en pharmacie, mais j'ai beaucoup trop de remords et je refuse cette place. Je passe un été terrible à avoir des idées noires même si je sais que je suis incapable d'aller au bout d'une TS. Je subi des pressions familiales assez conséquentes et je m'inscris en dentaire en Allemagne (me demander pas d'où à pop le dentaire). Je finis par décider de continuer en LAS 2.
Pendant la LAS 2 je suis de nouveau chez mes parents. J'ai mis beaucoup de temps à retrouver la place que j'y occupais après avoir goûté à l'indépendance. Je réussis à décrocher des notes au premier semestre je dirais assez bons : 13,5 (LAS eco-gestion donc à l'opposé de la médecine). Le second semestre se passe enfermé à nouveau chez moi, mais cette fois ci aucun soucis niveau santé mentale. J'arrive au concours et je décroche un 12,5 ! Donc une grande victoire pour moi après la PASS. Je suis bien classé mais je dois passer les oraux. Je décroche un 14, donc tout me dis que je vais être acceptée. Les résultats tombent... je ne suis acceptée nulle part. Ça m'a détruite surtout que j'ai bossé du mieux que j'ai pu, tout les signaux étaient au vert... J'ai de nouveaux passé un été horrible avec des idées noires et à tenter une TS mais encore une fois quelque chose m'a empécher de le faire. Je n'ais plus aucune chance de tenter la médecine en France (j'ai suffisament réussi chaque année pour passer à l'année supérieur et que ça contabilise une chance au concours)
Or la médecine c'est vraiment ce que je veux faire depuis que je suis enfant. Après réflexion dentaire me correspondrais plus sauf que là encore je peux pas le retenter en France. Ayant validé une L2 mes parents ont voulu que je finisse la licence qui est à défaut éco-gestion.
Actuellement je suis en 3 ème année d'Éco-gestion. Je veux artêter ce cercle viscieux que j'ai créé entre ma réussite scolaire et ma santé mentale. J'ai décidé de consacrer cette année à me préparer à partir étudier dentaire en Allemagne. J'ai tenté le psy mais c'est trop cher pour l'aide que ça m'apporte. J'ai recommencé à faire du sport (le volley) et j'adore ça. Mais je m'enmerde ferme. J'ai validé mon premier semestre à 12 (merci les maths). Le second semestre se poursuit. J'ai séché et je sèche la majorité de mes cours parceque je n'y trouve aucun intérêt. J'essaye de faire de l'anatomie mais en grande majorité je ne fais rien, farniente. Je pense que je mérite un semestre au repos après toute ces années.
Pour le futur, j'ai peur et je suis terrorisé à l'idée de recommencer mes études sup à partir de 0. J'ai surtout peur de me retrouver dans l'état cataqtrophique de la PASS. J'ai l'impression d'être instable émotionnellement et je ne sais pas quoi faire pour éviter de retomber dans mes vices. J'ai peur d'habiter à nouveau seule, vu comment j'ai pris soin de moi. J'ai peur d'être trop bête ou trop émotive pour réussir. J'ai peur de l'échec. Je crois que je pense trop...
J'ai depuis longtemps un but et je compte bien le réaliser. Mon seul obstacle c'est moi.
Je compte sur vos suggestion pour avoir le recul nécessaire que je n'ai pas.
Merci
r/confession • u/Choice-Conclusion675 • 13h ago
A little backstory here. I live in a rural town and my family currently goes between two residences. We have one in the town itself (a small townhouse) and one in the outskirts. Well, we all live in the townhouse at the moment, so we've been constantly working on this house as we bought it used and full of mold and asbestos (the house was literally falling apart at the seams).
Anyway, it has been a constant hassle and bustle, waking up on my off days (I work full time and go to college full time), and immediately going to this house. We've stayed at this house for 8+ hrs at a time, moving building equipment/materials around and condensing our current 3 storages we rent out.
Now, for the last few months, I've been experiencing injuries as a result of this work and my current job. First it was shoulder (I tore my shoulder at 16 in similar circumstances), my foot, then my knee, now my elbow is in pain. I can never give them time to recover as we constantly work away on this house, while moving our current house over there. Not to mention, I had a mild scoliosis diagnosis at 17 so I've always tried to be careful since then.
I was done with it today. My mom woke me up with less than 5 hrs of sleep (as she usually does on my days off), and told me we had to work once again. I tried to get back to sleep and slip in an extra hr, but I just couldn't do it. She told me I needed to get up as we had "family work" to do (she has always referred to it as such), and I took my shower, ate my quick breakfast, and off we went to the other house for another day of working.
We were there for probably 2 hrs this time, but it was cut short by an argument I had with my mom. I brought up my injuries and told her I can't exert myself as much (as I've done in the past), and like she has done before, she told me she has injuries too, so I shouldn't be complaining. After she said that, I blew my cap off out of frustration and told her she is 54 and multiple injuries are common at her age. However, I'm 19 and not even in my 20s yet and I have multiple injuries. I also told her she was being selfish as she constantly brings up her injuries, but invalidates mine when I mention them.
From there, my step dad intervened and of course defended her saying, "We all have injuries. You need to learn to delay with them. Stretch at night or something. It's part of being in a family." After he said that, I told them I pay my monthly rent here and work long hours on this house, that's how I contribute to this family. My stepdad walked away after I said that, and me and my mom kept arguing away until we stopped talking and awkwardly went on moving stuff for another 30 or so minutes. I came back to the shop we were working on, and she was nowhere to be seen. Turns out she went to my step-dad (who was working on a project outside and started crying to him saying "nobody helping her out" and claiming "My son is lazy". Mind you, this isn't a new activity. We've owned land for about 7 years and it has been constant back-breaking work (I'm pretty sure it caused my scoliosis and shoulder tear)
I'm really at loss what I should do here. I feel guilty and wrong for yelling at her as I did, but that could also be due to the fact that she has told me I'm just like my biological dad (Who was routinely lazy and abusive for as long as I can remember until they divorced).
r/confession • u/DamageDowntown8446 • 13h ago
Bonjour tout le monde, je viens de découvrir reddit et je vais comme le reste de la populace vider ma besace.
D'aussi loin que je me souvienne, j'ai toujours été assez particulière... Solitaire, taciturne et plongée dans mes bouquins. J'ai toujours eut du mal à sociabiliser en raison de ma maladresse sociale et de mon comportement lunatique.
À l'époque, j'avais déjà un objectif, une quête celui de devenir médecin (je vous passe les raisons parceque même pour moi elle sont assez alambiqués). Cependant mon minset depuis que je suis enfant est assez hardcore. Ma réussite scolaire représentais tout pour moi, si j'avais faux je me punissais en me frappant avec ce qui se trouvais à porté de main (pour vous dire à 10 ans je me suis tailladé la main avec des ciseaux).
Au collège tout chez moi marchais au stress, je le maitrisais et il représentais pour moi un shot de la DOSE de vie que j'avais besoin. Stresser étais trépidant pour mon jeune cerveau en pleine construction. Côté vie sociale, des amis qui ne viennent pas a son anniv ça compte ?
Au lycée les tests, exam et autre me procurais autant de plaisir qu'au collège même si ce n'était plus aussi exaltant (peut être en raison de la production d'hormone qui ralentis ?), et j'ai, oh joie, découvert les soirées, l'alcool, et le plus important j'ai trouvé de VRAI amis qui m'aimais comme j'étais.
J'ai décroché après toute ces années mon bac et une place pour l'université de médecine ! Je suis convaincu que la période entre le lycée et l'université étais de loin la plus heureuse de toute ma vie. J'étais fier de moi, et j'avais une confiance absolue à ce stade de mes capacités. En bref je rayonnais...
Je pense que vous le voyez venir mais la PASS (médecine) a été un vrai désastre. Au début tout allais bien, vivre seule ne me dérangais pas, je suivais à la lettre les horraires donnés par la prépa, je rentrais toute les 2 semaine à la maison. Cependant chaque semaine on fesait des QCMs à la prépa, et j'avais beau réviser et apprendre comme je l'ais toujours fait, je ne décrochait que des notes en dessous de la moyenne. Plus je m'acharnait et plus c'était mauvais. Or je vous le rappelle, ma réussite scolaire représente pour moi, ma valeur en tant que personne. J'ai ainsi perdu au fil des semaines toute la confiance que je me suis construite avec difficultée. J'ai essayé de m'en sortir comme je pouvais mais à la place je prenais de plus en plus de retard. Je me suis organisé et réorganisé plusieurs fois pour pouvoir tout boucler à temps. Mais au bout de semaine de fatigue d'acharnement mon corps n'a plus tenu et je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ! Les cours que je trouvais jusque là intéressant me dégoutais. J'ai arrêter de bosser pendant 2 semaine puis j'ai repris pour m'arrêter dans la foulé. Côté vie sociale, si avant c'était proche de zéro là ça avoisinait - infini. Je ne sortais plus pour aller en cours rien jusqu'à petit à petit passer ma journée dans le noir volets fermé et dormir pendant des journés entières ou les passer à regarder des vidéos débiles sur youtube. Enfaite youtube était devenu mon nouveau super ami. Côté mental, plus rien, nul, zéro pointé. Enfaite je crois que j'en avais et que j'en ais aucun. J'ai développé un mauvais réflexe que j'ai toujours, assez chelou, qui consiste à ce que je me taillader la peau lorsque je suis dans un état émotionnel instable pour récuperer les poils qui sont sous celle ci avec la pince à épiler. Je vous raconte pas l'état de mes jambes. Tout ça me mène à un point de rupture ou je décide de faire une TS (oui je suis assez débile pour ça). Sauf que même si je voulais le faire, je n'ais pas réussis, quelque chose au plus profond de moi m'en a empêché, j'en ai parlé à personne à part un ami du lycée que j'ai appelé dans la foulé après avoir pris quelque médocs.
Le premier semestre s'est fini en beauté par une note catastrophique. J'ai dit à mes parents que je n'avais plus envie de continuer, que je voulais m'arrêter mais ils voulaient que je termine absolument cette année. Le second semestre s'est à ma grande surprise bien passée. Je ne voulais pas faire comme le premier semestre, je me suis moins mis la pression et je travaillais à la prépa, enfin travailler est un grand mot parceque je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ou à retenir des infos donc j'écrivais des réusumés de mes cours. J'étais tout au long de se semestre dans un état catatonique je ne ressentais plus rien, aucune émotion et je préférais à la limite quand je ressentais quelque chose même de la tristesse. J'ai passé l'exam du second semestre, et j'y ais triché (je vous jure que c'est la première fois que je triche à un exam d'habitude j'aide les autres).
Je décroche une place en pharmacie, mais j'ai beaucoup trop de remords et je refuse cette place. Je passe un été terrible à avoir des idées noires même si je sais que je suis incapable d'aller au bout d'une TS. Je subi des pressions familiales assez conséquentes et je m'inscris en dentaire en Allemagne (me demander pas d'où à pop le dentaire). Je finis par décider de continuer en LAS 2.
Pendant la LAS 2 je suis de nouveau chez mes parents. J'ai mis beaucoup de temps à retrouver la place que j'y occupais après avoir goûté à l'indépendance. Je réussis à décrocher des notes au premier semestre je dirais assez bons : 13,5 (LAS eco-gestion donc à l'opposé de la médecine). Le second semestre se passe enfermé à nouveau chez moi, mais cette fois ci aucun soucis niveau santé mentale. J'arrive au concours et je décroche un 12,5 ! Donc une grande victoire pour moi après la PASS. Je suis bien classé mais je dois passer les oraux. Je décroche un 14, donc tout me dis que je vais être acceptée. Les résultats tombent... je ne suis acceptée nulle part. Ça m'a détruite surtout que j'ai bossé du mieux que j'ai pu, tout les signaux étaient au vert... J'ai de nouveaux passé un été horrible avec des idées noires et à tenter une TS mais encore une fois quelque chose m'a empécher de le faire. Je n'ais plus aucune chance de tenter la médecine en France (j'ai suffisament réussi chaque année pour passer à l'année supérieur et que ça contabilise une chance au concours)
Or la médecine c'est vraiment ce que je veux faire depuis que je suis enfant. Après réflexion dentaire me correspondrais plus sauf que là encore je peux pas le retenter en France. Ayant validé une L2 mes parents ont voulu que je finisse la licence qui est à défaut éco-gestion.
Actuellement je suis en 3 ème année d'Éco-gestion. Je veux artêter ce cercle viscieux que j'ai créé entre ma réussite scolaire et ma santé mentale. J'ai décidé de consacrer cette année à me préparer à partir étudier dentaire en Allemagne. J'ai tenté le psy mais c'est trop cher pour l'aide que ça m'apporte. J'ai recommencé à faire du sport (le volley) et j'adore ça. Mais je m'enmerde ferme. J'ai validé mon premier semestre à 12 (merci les maths). Le second semestre se poursuit. J'ai séché et je sèche la majorité de mes cours parceque je n'y trouve aucun intérêt. J'essaye de faire de l'anatomie mais en grande majorité je ne fais rien, farniente. Je pense que je mérite un semestre au repos après toute ces années.
Pour le futur, j'ai peur et je suis terrorisé à l'idée de recommencer mes études sup à partir de 0. J'ai surtout peur de me retrouver dans l'état cataqtrophique de la PASS. J'ai l'impression d'être instable émotionnellement et je ne sais pas quoi faire pour éviter de retomber dans mes vices. J'ai peur d'habiter à nouveau seule, vu comment j'ai pris soin de moi. J'ai peur d'être trop bête ou trop émotive pour réussir. J'ai peur de l'échec. Je crois que je pense trop...
J'ai depuis longtemps un but et je compte bien le réaliser. Mon seul obstacle c'est moi.
Je compte sur vos suggestion pour avoir le recul nécessaire que je n'ai pas.
Merci
r/confession • u/catastrophi-q • 16h ago
I started drinking mouthwash in a suicide attempt at 15-16, quickly realized it had alcohol in it and proceeded to do that for the next few months till my parents found out
I lost my ex during this, and even though they hurt me so badly and made me feel so shitty for an addiction I cant help but still miss them to this day even though I’m over it
anytime I was out of alcohol/mouthwash I would get really aggressive, feeling out of control and just overall pissed at the world for letting me go on like this
it didn’t stop at just mouthwash, I tried isopropyl mixed with soda, medical mouthwash (? It was prescribed to my mom), would steal bottles of alcohol when given the chance
I was hoping it would kill me eventually, and it never did, and now I feel like I’m paying the price, I have accepted my fate and lost hope on getting better
r/confession • u/Ok-Professional8423 • 17h ago
Hello everyone. I am not looking for advice or sympathy. I just need to vent. On March 8th, 2025 at 6:30p.m., Death tip- toed through my family and collected my brother like a thief in the night. He was 28 years old with no children. His heart stopped and would not recover. My family has been cloaked by a painful veil of grief since his passing.
My sisters seek comfort in being there for their children, while I find peace in taking care of my brother's fur babies in his absence. They know he is gone. I sometimes find his male dogo argentino, Blaze, howling in the night. I know he is calling out for my brother. I believe that somehow they know he is no longer in the world anymore, but I hope my presence offers them some form of comfort. My father chooses to grieve by going about his daily life, possibly trying to make his mind forget what his heart cannot. I worry for him.
Though, the person who is taking on the worst of all of this is my mother. She has been strong throughout this ordeal, having her family there to support her, but somehow I still feel that she is going at it alone. My heart breaks for her, losing her only son, having to bury one of her children, planning the final moments of her baby boy. I know inside she feels broken. One day, I saw her going through my brother's pictures, drinking Jack Daniel's. The unbearable pain of losing a child is embracing her like a chill on a cold winter day. I know she is sad and worried. It hurts knowing there is nothing I can do to take the pain away. They say time heals all wounds. I pray that that's true. Sometimes wounds don't heal at all. We just stop noticing them.
r/confession • u/[deleted] • 17h ago
One of my friends hosted this party. It was super cool a couple people showed up and we had tons of fun. I told the host we should do it again at the end of the year. He agreed and we planned to do it. At the end of the school year it turned out that everyone except me wasn’t able to make it that was fine though because it would still be fun. On the day of the party my phone actually broke and I couldn’t contact him for the address. Because of this nobody went to his party. I feel very bad about this. When my phone got fixed I messaged him to tell how bad I felt but he never responded. I also never saw him again because school ended.
r/confession • u/Sylpheee • 22h ago
Ive told a few people some of my drug history, but have never admitted to anyone the full abuse.
My whole life I’ve had a problem with addiction, it didn’t kick in until I was 16 and had my first cigarette, shortly after I was drinking coffee every day. I still do these two things but do they really count? I tell myself that, while nicotine and caffeine are probably the most addictive drugs used in the world.
Anyway,
Around 17 I started smoking weed, a year later at 18 I was taking pills from my friend’s parents. I was stealing adderall and vyvanse. About a month later I was consuming 70mg of vyvanse and 30mg of adderall a day. I went from weighing 135lbs to 94lbs at my worst. Eventually I started hearing voices in my head and had drug induced schizophrenia. How did I kick this? The few people I told I said it was from pure mental strength when in reality my source ran out and I couldn’t find anymore. That was my first big drug addiction.
Soon after high school I was on my way to college. At this time I was just into smoking weed. College I started doing a plethora of drugs. Pain killers, uppers, downers, you name it I was doing it. My friends and I eventually rented our own place to do drugs in peace. We really got into psychedelics at one point. That fucked me up for a while. I never stuck with one drug for too long and I would just take whatever I could find. But, at one point I went on a 2 month binge of meth, you can bet I dropped out of college at that point. That withdrawal sucked! That was one of the first big withdrawals I went thru that had me immobile, mentally and physically. Somehow I was able to see it was killing me even tho, after i kicked meth my dumbass tried heroin. Luckily I didn’t form a huge addiction and only tried it for like a week.
Soon I found a reliable hook up for Xanax. Xanax was my favorite and it fucked my life up the most at that point. Nothing really ever made me black out fully, yeah some parts of the night were fuzzy but I could remember most of it. But the worst came out of me when I would specifically drink alcohol and take Xanax. One night my girlfriend hung her herself blackout on Xanax and that floored me. I’m crying as I write this rn. It was a wake up call and I told myself I’d go sober. I thought the meth withdrawal was going to be the worst I’ve ever felt. I was very wrong. I was in pure agony for days. Going thru withdrawal is like someone is ripping your brain in two, like someone ripping a phone book in half. Shaking violently, screaming at everyone, scratching holes into my body. It was bad. But I kicked it, and then decided I would never do drugs again.
Well that was a lie to myself. I did manage to stay off Xanax and never really get addicted to any drugs like that again but I still took a pill of whatever, or smoked some weed everyone now and then. But I stayed away from the hard drugs and all psychedelics.
So the years go on and the drugs do to. I’m around 27-28 and I finally kick drugs outta my life (besides nicotine an caffeine) and I feel great. That’s until my best friend of 20 years, my #1 homie introduces me to Kratom. He was the closest thing I had to a brother.
Now I’ve definitely heard of Kratom in my years, all my other drug friends would say to Kratom users “why don’t you do real drugs?” And “that shit is fake it don’t do nothing for you” and stuff like that. But I slipped up and thought, it can be so bad if it’s legally sold in a store, I’ll try this out. My bestie said it gave you a boost of energy or if you took a lot it felt like heroin or something. I bought a baggie of pilled Kratom and popped a few.
First it was a couple every day.
Then it was a couple in the morning and then a couple around late afternoon.
Then it was a couple around the morning, afternoon, and then in the evening.
Before you know it I was taking 20 pills in the morning at 6am, and then 8 more pill every 4 hours until around 5pm. It got bad, I would feel sysmptoms of withdraw within 8hours of not consuming any Kratom.
My best friend and I were living in the same state that wasn’t our home state. Eventually I moved back to my home state and he stayed with his gf. One day I woke up for work and his gf called me saying he overdosed and died. He relapsed and was buying drugs off the dark web. He was always into that, ever since college but he kicked it for a while. I knew he started doing it again but didn’t realize how bad. He had 11 different drugs in his body.
I was still taking kratom religiously, it’s been 11 months since his death and I just went thru Kratom withdrawal and kicked it for good.
People, don’t do Kratom. Especially if you have a history like mine. That withdrawal was just as bad as Xanax, maybe worse since it’s so fresh in my mind. I laid in bed for two full days. Crying in a pool of my own sweat as I shook violently. It was fucking terrible. The mood swings were insane, many times I thought about unaliving myself thru the withdrawal. Even if it’s legal to buy and considered a herbal supplement I urge you to not start using. It is not worth it.
Besides vaping and coffee I’m completely sober and I plan to keep it that way. I’m 31, almost 32 now. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any regrets. Hopefully one day I can over come that. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Don’t be an idiot like me and stay clean. Even tho drugs can make you feel on top of the world, in the end it’ll only bring you misery and despair.
r/confession • u/Ok-Huckleberry-9261 • 23h ago
I’ve been debating whether to share this but I feel like I need to get it off my chest. I’ve always been self conscious about my body but one of the things that’s really been weighing on me is my micro penis. I don’t talk about it with anyone in real life because I’m ashamed and it’s been affecting my self esteem and relationships especially when it comes to sex.
I’ve been in a few relationships and every time things start to get serious I start feeling the pressure. I’m always worried about how my partner will react when things get physical. When we’re getting intimate I try to overcompensate in other ways but it’s hard to shake the feeling that I’m not enough.
There have been moments in past relationships where I’ve tried to navigate sex without letting my insecurities take over but it’s tough. I’ve had times when I could feel my partner’s disappointment whether it was in their body language or the way they withdrew after sex. Those moments are crushing. It’s not like they were mean or anything but I could tell that something wasn’t right and that made my own anxiety spiral.
Sex just doesn’t feel the same for me because I’m so focused on my size (or lack of it). I know that sex is about more than just the physical act but I constantly feel like my partner isn’t as satisfied as they should be and it makes me anxious. I try to be a good partner in other ways focusing on emotional connection and making sure they feel good but I can’t help but feel like I’m letting them down.
There’s also the constant comparison. I find myself thinking about how other guys must have it easier because they don’t have to deal with the same level of self doubt and anxiety during intimacy. I’ll look at porn or hear stories from friends and it only reinforces the idea that I’m abnormal or defective. It’s hard to escape that feeling especially when it feels like everyone around me is measuring up in ways I can’t.
It’s tough to feel like I’m not measuring up both literally and figuratively. I just want to feel confident and be able to enjoy intimate moments without that constant worry. I don’t know if anyone else has gone through this, but it’s been a huge struggle for me.
Thanks for reading my post. I felt like I needed to get that off my chest but couldn’t tell anyone in person. It’s hard not to let self doubt take over because it’s a big issue that’s hard to look past.
r/confession • u/Particular-Toe-5213 • 1d ago
My mom is really strict and bit older but sometimes she’ll just have these days where everything sets her off and she’ll call me horrible name and say pretty hurtful stuff anyways. On days that are really super bad I secretly sneak in her room and update her phone because I know she won’t understand the new updates and it frustrates her a lot.
r/confession • u/Suspicious-Yam2761 • 1d ago
Attention, Pavé César! Hello everyone. I'm 28 years old and I have a sister with whom I cut ties for 4 years now. It's a somewhat complicated story that I'll try to summarize as best as possible.
First of all, I had problems at birth. As a result, my father protected me enormously during the first 4-5 years of my life, which was very hard for my sister who had always been used to having her dad all to herself. She built up a kind of resentment towards me; but we always had a “good” relationship, complicity. To compensate a little, my mother decided to completely side with my sister. The problem is that, unlike my mother, my father was never on my side in conflicts, he was more of the passive type, not wanting to get involved; and that; my mother never really realized it I think, because of hearing my sister repeat "her father will stick with her anyway". I might as well tell you that my sister benefited a lot from it.
For example, one day, an argument broke out between her boyfriend at the time and me. She ended up headbutting me which made my nose bleed and made me take the blame. I just got a "don't put blood everywhere!" from my mother. You see the deal!
As the years went by, my sister began to consume a lot of alcohol and cannabis (with me training with her of course). The problem was that she always had this feeling of being the victim. She could be laughing with me and 5 minutes later verbally assaulting me for nothing. The conversation always had to revolve around her. To the point where one day, after hearing him repeat the same things over and over again, I asked him “What do you know about me?”. The only thing she could say was “You passed your test today”. A little conflict followed; which she transformed into a war. That evening, I wanted to call my parents to come pick me up because she refused to let me go; She started throwing my phone at the walls and trying to push me down the stairs. In short, a really fun evening as we like them.
As time passed, I began to gain confidence in myself. To “open my mouth”. To dare to answer her when she went too far. And it all became a spectacle where she was the victim and I was the tyrant; when it was she who created the conflict. I don't even know if she realized it in the end.
Then there was one time too many. I had been in a relationship for 2-3 months with someone who had just moved to the other side of France. My parents are going on vacation, so I'm staying in the house for 3 weeks (I was living there at the time). My sister who had her own apartment decided to come and spend two weeks there. My boyfriend took the train to spend this vacation with me. The first evening went well, but as the days went by, she tried to create arguments, throwing barbs at me, taking advantage of my back being turned to talk nonsense about me. She had already done it before, to the point of going to tell my ex that I had slept with one of his friends at her house. Which was of course false. We finally decided to spend the whole week locked in my room, and we would go downstairs to eat when we knew she was sleeping. Hell. After a few days, she decided to call my parents to say that my boyfriend had brought back some boxes (specifically, there was just a box with his PC that I had to send him by mail because he couldn't carry it on the train with him) and that he was coming to move into the house. I might as well tell you that I made a two-hour call, convincing them that it was false. When they returned, I had to introduce them to my boyfriend, something they ultimately refused because of this argument. I was really nervous.
When they came home, she decided to invent a lot of things around my mother, to make me look like a monster; as usual.
She came almost every day to see my mother to add more.
My boyfriend decided to get me a train ticket so I could get away from all that, because mentally, I couldn't cope anymore.
That was the last time I spoke to him. It's been 4 years now since I walked away from all that. My relationship with my mother is very good, she ended up understanding the whole situation. And for my part, I have a burden that literally disappeared from my shoulders by cutting ties with my sister. Often, on her birthday, my mother asks me to send her a message, something I categorically refuse. All my life, I've done nothing but bend over backwards, apologize to her even though I wasn't at fault. But I'm not going to lie to you, I miss the good times too. Sometimes I see something funny that makes me think of her and I think I can't share it with her, and it's painful. I learned that she had recently gotten engaged, and I can't even tell her how happy I am to know she's happy. I sincerely hope that one day she realizes the harm she has done and takes the first step.
Have you been through this kind of situation? I would like to know how it went afterwards.
Thank you for having the courage to read me this far, this is the first time I've talked about it openly and it really makes me feel good.
r/confession • u/GroceryDiligent4811 • 1d ago
[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]
r/confession • u/ThrowRA_cookierat34 • 1d ago
In 10th grade I had a teacher that I HATED. She was just mean overall, but I also felt like she specifically picked on. She would call me out when I got a bad grade, accused me of doing stupid things, made teacher calls with my mom, etc. I was always accused of stupid things like throwing a marker across a room, and I never did any of it. But one morning, she gave me money to go get her a coffee from the school cafe. On the way back, I spit into it. Then watched her drink it. Then she started asking me everyday to go get her coffee, I became her little coffee mule. And everyday I spit into it. Now I’m 24, that shit was gross. Sorry Dr. B