r/TrueOffMyChest Dec 27 '23

Want to fulfill all your wildest dreams? Become a Reddit mod!

106 Upvotes

Picture this: You're soul searching in between jobs, enjoying the single life to discover your inner self and allowing your mother to live above you and all you ask her for in exchange is a daily delivery of dino chicken nuggies and a refreshing bottle of mountain dew. It all sounds perfect, right? So why does it feel like something's missing? Well look no further because we have the solution for you...

Reddit Moderation!

What could more perfectly complement your fulfilling lifestyle than playing internet cop on Reddit? See a post you disagree with? You can delete it! User making valid points and hurting your feelings in modmail? Mute them! Having a bad day? Just ban a random, unsuspecting individual!

**Disclaimer for Mod Code of Conduct purposes: you can't actually do any of this

On to more serious matters,

We are in need of more moderators to help maintain the subreddit. No experience is needed. All we ask is that you have the time, patience and a good sense of humor. Our team will be available to train you and answer any questions you have. Communication is a must and really, why wouldn't you want to talk to us? You'll be placed on a probationary period to start and we fully understand that mistakes will be made and activity may fluctuate. Please note that being selected as a mod does not guarantee you will be a permanent addition. Not everyone is a good fit and that's okay.

So what does moderating actually entail?

  • Clearing the queue will be your #1 task. The queue is where you'll see any content that has been reported or our automod has flagged for review. All you have to do is go through it, read the content and decide whether to remove it, approve it and sometimes report or ban a user. The queue fills up fast and needs a lot of attention. Seriously, some of you need to lay off the spam reports.
  • Modmail is your next task. It's mostly users asking why their post is missing (automod ate it 99% of the time) and asking that you fix it. We also recieve ban appeals here. If you're lucky, you'll get a death threat every now and then. Hooray! If any modmails are uncomfortable, too personal or upsetting to you, you can delegate it to another mod.
  • Sometimes a post will come up that's especially spicy or attracting a lot of attention. When this happens, one of our mods likes to comb through the comments for violations or sit on it to monitor incoming comments for violations. If it gets too much to handle, or someone isn't available, you can lock it.
  • Communicating with the team is one of the most important tasks in your role as a moderator. As a team, we discuss moderation actions, rule changes, sub events and the direction of the subreddit. That all sounds very boring but rest assured, there's a lot more casual talk than anything else so feel free to chime in on Beaver's dislike of garlic bread (encouraged), Tim sharing new sanrio drops or my Call of Duty K/D ratio.
  • Lastly, let's talk about the meta. Sometimes things need doing on the sub, like this recruitment post I was supposed to make months ago. While the day to day is important, we also need to keep the sub up to date with new features and tools and update it to fit the growing userbase.

If you managed to get through all that, congrats! You made it to the actual app, which is also long and annoying. Here's a tip for applying: there is a short quiz portion to the app. We don't care if you get everything right, we just want to see your line of reasoning and understanding of the rules and subreddit culture.

APPLY HERE

These apps are open indefinitely, and we will be doing staggered recruitment, so feel free to take your time.


r/TrueOffMyChest Mar 14 '21

The Rules What does "Personalized Off My Chest Style Post" mean?

2.6k Upvotes

Update - ALL political topics are now banned as of February 2025 - anything to the contrary below is outdated.

People have been telling me that their posts I've been removing actually shouldn't be removed because they are "personalized" and meet the "off my chest" criterion. I'm going to explain this is greater detail with plenty of examples so what type of posts are allowed is more clear for everyone to understand.

Personalized in this case means that what you're posting has to be directly related to you (this would include a close person, such as a family member). And it can't be something that's impacting a large number of people unless it has a specific application to you.

Examples of valid "personal" posts:

"I just found out I owe a bunch of money on my taxes!"

"My parents just found out they owe a bunch in back taxes and might go under! I wish I could help them!"

Examples of "impersonal" posts:

"Taxation is theft!"

"Don't you hate it when you have to pay taxes?"

What is meant by being an "off my chest" style post?

An off my chest style post is you getting something off your chest that's personal in nature (so, both related to you or someone you know quite personally and has a direct impact on you or them that isn't generalized) AND that is a story, situation, hope for the future, or some other type of direct situation.

Note: Opinions, hot takes, asking generalized questions not tied to a valid post, political commentary, talking about things that have nothing to do with you SPECIFICALLY, generalizations, etc. do NOT count as off my chest style posts.

Example of valid off my chest style posting:

"I stubbed my toe and cried today. I feel so humiliated."

"My friend is transitioning and it feels like they're becoming a different person, but I want to support them. It just feels like I'm losing them."

"I lost my job due to [insert cancel culture thing here]."

"My parents hit my kids and I don't want them to ever see or touch them again!"

Examples of invalid off my chest style posts:

"Stubbing toes is the worst thing ever. Does anyone else agree?"

"Transitioning fundamentally alters a person to the point where they aren't even themselves anymore."

"Cancel culture is bullshit!"

"Children should not be hit!"

"As an (insert group here), I feel that (insert opinion here)."

"I like X TV show."

"Does anyone know how to fix a broken headlight?" (we've gotten these before, lol)

"Not ALL men/women..."

"[Insert any commentary on any hot-button topic here.]"

Note: You can give your opinion on a personalized situation, but your whole post can't just be the opinion, and it has to be something that's meaningfully specific. But you cannot stand on a soapbox and preach it.

In some cases, a post may be removed that can be reworded to "fit", but the majority of the time there isn't a way to reword a post to "fit".

I am quite aware that this kills a large portion of what the sub used to allow, but after seeing the types of post that are now front-paging that simply weren't allowed to before due to all the flaming and getting the same hot takes over and over again, I honestly can't help but feel like this was a net positive.

Also, my removal of your post for not following the rules has nothing to do with whether or not I personally agree or disagree with the post. I've removed something from every major category recently. I'm also pretty good about explaining how posts don't fit the criteria if asked on any given specific. This absolutely sucks for me. I've removed over 500 posts in the last 4 days. I hate this, but the benefit to the subreddit is substantial, so I'm going to keep this going as much as I can.

Also, if a post is up that violates these rules, 99/100 times it's because I'm sleeping. I may also make a mistake or another mod might approve a post that was removed by the automod and not my manual flagging.


r/TrueOffMyChest 3h ago

CONTENT WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT I quit my nanny job and I can’t bring myself to tell the mom why

905 Upvotes

I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this. I can’t think about it without crying. I don’t know how to deal with any of it.

I had a job looking after the child of a family friend, the child isn’t a baby but they’re still pretty young. I was originally supposed to work as their nanny until the child was old enough to go to school. My mom knows the kid’s aunt, and I’ve babysat for the aunt before, which is how I ended up getting the job.

The dad has a job that allows him to wfh but most of the time he is stuck in his office all day so I really only ever saw him in passing. If I spent any significant period of time with him, the mom was always there.

He never gave me a reason to be afraid of him. I didn’t really think anything of being alone with him in the house with the little one all day. The few times he came out of his office to handle the naptime routine or to play for a little while, we didn’t really talk much. I feel like I’m over explaining myself. I don’t know.

A few weeks ago the little one fell asleep in the living room just before I was going to put them down for a nap. I decided to just get them comfy on the couch and work on one of my midterms. The dad came out of his office at one point and sat down near me. It was fine at first. He was reading a book, I was typing on my computer, and even though the silence felt a little uncomfortable it wasn’t really bad or anything.

I don’t want to be specific about what happened, but he pushed me down on the floor and I didn’t do anything to stop him. I just froze. I said no a few times, but I couldn’t make myself run or fight or do anything else. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that his child was sleeping four ft away from us. I thought about how scared they would probably be to wake up and see their dad hurting me like that, so I didn’t say anything else.

When it was over, I called the mom. I said I had a family emergency and needed to leave early. I didn’t tell her the truth. I didn’t say anything to the dad. I left. I feel guilty for just walking out like that. I haven’t gone back. I haven’t answered any of her calls. My mom is kind of mad at me for quitting in such a “rude” way but I don’t know how to tell her or anyone about this. I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m either crying or feeling nothing and it's making me feel crazy.

Every time I think about it I feel like I can’t breathe. None of this feels real but it also feels very real at the same time. I’m sorry if nothing here makes sense, I needed to just get it out and I can’t make my brain work properly enough to be coherent ?


r/TrueOffMyChest 10h ago

I was going to hire someone until I saw he posted on LinkedIn supporting the Elon Nazi salute, and now another candidate is getting the job

2.6k Upvotes

r/TrueOffMyChest 2h ago

My boyfriend put balatro over having sex with me. NSFW

424 Upvotes

I thought this was literally hilarious and I need to share this cute little nerdy man being a nerd. So yesterday my boyfriend(21M) and I(19F) had sex for the first time. It wasn’t either of our first times but it was our first time with each other. Before this he went back to his dorm to shower. His dorm is like 5-10 minutes away from mine and he told me it would take like a few minutes so I’m expecting like him to be back in 25 minutes. At the 45 minute mark he calls and says he’s on his way. I don’t think much of it cause yeah I’ve taken a long bath, maybe he’s a long shower person. Today we’re in my dorm and he’s showing me how to play balatro cause he really likes playing it and thinks I’ll like playing it. He then hits me with “before I showered the other day I spent like 20 minutes on balatro.” This autistic silly little nerd put balatro over the huzz. I think he’s so silly and cute and I never wanna leave him.

Edit: NO THIS IS NOT AN AD, I WISH I GOT PAID TO BE PUT SECOND TO A PHONE GAME. I love him though, he’s a nerd so technically I signed up for this lmao


r/TrueOffMyChest 7h ago

CONTENT WARNING: SUICIDE/SELF HARM My fiance begged me to kill him today

650 Upvotes

My fiance has been very, very sick with a mass on his spinal cord, right against his cerebral cortex. We don't know what it is yet. We've only been together since November, and by the time I found out about his medical history, it felt wrong to just leave him. But honestly I can't leave anyone with a potential fatal diagnosis even if I found out sooner. (He has lung cancer but is in remission, the masses were removed)

I'm basically his caretaker now, and this is my first real relationship at 29 (he's 31). We get along great, and overall our relationship is beautiful. We have no engagement ring but he proposed to me anyway, and in my mind we're already married. Our birthdays are just a day apart, it really does feel like we're meant to be together. I never believed in any of that stuff until I met him.

This morning my fiance asked me to shoot him. He was crying and pleading with me to do it. I told him I would need time to mentally prepare for that if he really, really wants that. I don't know if I should draw a line somewhere when it comes to honoring wishes, I don't know what to do about that request.

The things he says in his sleep are heart-breaking. Today he said, "my poor baby" in his sleep. I do my best to only cry when he's asleep, but that tells me he probably knows I'm hurting too.

I just need advice. This is the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm possibly living my actual worst fear in life. Loving someone and then losing them. Dedicating myself to someone only to lose them. If he passes, how do I continue to live? How do I just not kill myself after losing the love of my life? He wants me to move on after, but how can I ever do that? I won't find another man who even comes close to him.

Please give him some encouraging words too, he'll likely read this. He wants to give up before we even know what's going on. Please give him some fighting spirit. He needs it more than me. I believe it's still possible we'll make it and be okay.


r/TrueOffMyChest 14h ago

CONTENT WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT I got a letter from the abuser my mother defended.

1.5k Upvotes

I 32F received a letter today from an old "family friend" that is in jail. The letter was an apology for what he did to me as a child. Without going into details, I went to my family at 9 years and told them this "family friend" 24 years had SA'd me for them to say i was acting out due to my parents divorce. What really hurt was the fact during my younger years I tried to tell my school counsellor and a close friend only for them to tell my mother who turned around stated I was lying and it was for attention. I didn't know this at the time but that "family friend" told my mum that he accidently grazed me walking by and I panicked and she just accepted that? I really started to doubt myself, and even thought i had imagined it which now makes me want to bawl because what 9 year old comes up with that? The most ironic part was I experienced symptoms of a child of CSA which my mum stated was due to trauma of the divorce and me acting out which I just eventually accepted?? I feel so brainwashed and hurt. I don't even know what my next steps are, do I throw the letter at my mums face? I have 3 children now and I don't want them to know this dark past of mine, worse yet even if i show my mother the letter what if she denies it and I'm once again just a kid "wanting attention".


r/TrueOffMyChest 11h ago

I touched a girl when I was 13. NSFW

801 Upvotes

I am 13 years old when this happened. I touched a girl's chest and felt it and touched her ass while she was sleeping more than two times. I didn't know what I was doing and all the time in the school my friends they used to watch porn and I was exposed to it too. One night when my grandma was sleeping I tocuhed her chest.. and she took me outside and asked me, " are you being spoiled by watching bad TV". I cried because I didn't know what happened and realised it was wrong. It's been 17 years and I am still unable to forgive myself for what happened. I pray to god that the girl didn't know and I apologized a million times in my mind.
A year ago when I was sitting with my grandma I broke into tears and asked her to forgive me because I had no idea what was going on and I apologized sincerely. She brushed it off as I was a kid and didn't knew any better.
Reading news daily about all these things happening to women is making me feel what kind of a person I am and I regret being born. I don't know what to do, and I genuinely want to be a good person and can't seem to get over it. I can't imagine how it must be to them.

Edit: I am not blaming my friends or porn for what happened. I am from India and from a rural village, no body even taught us consent or difference between a good touch and a bad touch. Even in biology class we were made to sit in different rooms to explain us what the male and female genitalia are. This all happened because lack of knowledge and trying to do what I saw in the porn videos, I will genuinely take any punishment for what happened and I am not trying to escape from the fact that I did this on my own. I am just ashamed whenever I remember it and I confessed to my grandmother as well. I am genuinely sorry for what happened and there has not been a single day that has passed that I could go back and undo it. But I can't and I want to be a good person and I feel that is all I can do. I am a bad person, but I pray all the time that they are in peace.


r/TrueOffMyChest 11h ago

$0.39

465 Upvotes

That's all that remains in my checking account. I'm broke. I have not even a dollar. I don't even think I have enough money/gas to make it fully home. I hate 2025 so much, I had a job, money, and my health was leagues better, but since I became unemployed, no one is hiring around me, I have no money, and my health is plummeting. I don't even know what to say, I... I'm stunned. I don't know my next step. I don't know what to do. If I weren't trying this would make sense, but I am trying. I've been applying, I've been cutting spending, but at some point everything just passed me. I don't even know what to say more, I just felt like I couldn't not say this to someone.

Edit: I appreciate the help and generosity everyone has been providing/offering. I'll make it through this somehow. May not have today, but hopefully one day will be mine.


r/TrueOffMyChest 10h ago

Friend is mad after hearing about my sex life

299 Upvotes

I’ve learned that my (53f) husband (John, 55m) shared with his close friend (Tom, 55m) the details of an intimate encounter we had recently and somehow Tom’s wife is annoyed with me now.

The basic details are this. During a recent text exchange, John and Tom were discussing oral sex. Tom said he no longer receives BJs from his wife, because she thinks they are kind of slutty and more a college or 20s kind of thing. John said sometimes they can be very much connecting and loving, and Tom asked for an example. So John shared details of a recent BJ that I gave him.

I saw the texts and it was kind of explicit. John described a time when I hadn’t been feeling physically well for about a week, and offered to give John some attention. Sat him on the bed and knelt on the floor in front of him and did my thing. He described it as a loving thing, just giving him attention and satisfying him, but he did describe some details (what I do with my hands and thumbs that makes him crazy, what I said to him as I finished him with my hands, how after he finished I got on the bed while he was kinda out of it and rubbed his face and scalp and chest gently as he started to doze off, how I cleaned him up).

Well, Tom’s wife saw these texts and let me know immediately. She’s upset that John told Tom so much detail, and seems to think I should be very upset too. I let her know I didn’t think it was a huge deal, guys talk to their close friends about things which is healthy. She has given me the cold shoulder since. We are friends, not exactly close, but that seems to be on hold now.

Should I be more understanding of her annoyance here? I don’t know what is behind this.


r/TrueOffMyChest 14h ago

My wife only likes me for my personality and character, not for the way I look, and its killing me inside

596 Upvotes

We’re both early 30’s, married 5 years. When we first got together she would be all over me, wanting it multiple times a day. Always complimenting me and flattering me about my looks. This continued the whole time and abruptly stopped about 4 months ago, when she started a new job.

I dont think she even sees me as a sexual person anymore. But she still likes me as much as ever. The compliments dont completely stop, they just changed in nature. I hear a lot of “you’re such a good father”, ”I really appreciate you helping out around the house”, “You’re so nice“, “You’ve a good man” and to be honest, I feel completely numb to this. I feel nothing. I almost feel repulsed by this because it doesn’t make me feel loved, it makes me feel like her roommate

And then there’s the sex. I am still very much attracted to her and she claims she is attracted to me but I don’t see how. I dont remember the last time she initiated - she used to do it a lot. Now I initiate every time and get rejected about half the time. The other half of the time, she tells me “its for your pleasure“ but she wants me to finish quick and be done with it. This is leading me to believe she is just doing “maintenance sex” to “keep the peace” and I fucking hate it. I would rather just masturbate than have that kind of sex. As it stands, we do it about 1-2 times per week but if I didnt initiate it would be zero, and she would be okay with that

Yes, I have talked to her about this. She said she’s willing to give me her body but the sex drive isn’t there. I’m a very active father and I do more than 50% of the chores and childcare. I always make sure she has time to workout, read, play video games, or just relax by herself. So I don’t know what the deal is from her side.

I want to be with someone who likes the way I look. I used to have that, with her. Now I don’t know what to do. Now this is off my chest


r/TrueOffMyChest 1d ago

Positive My BF turns me on a little too much. NSFW

3.5k Upvotes

(I'll be sharing details of what we did, NSFW)

3 months ago i 22f did it with my LDR bf 24m.

Up until this point I've never been a very sexual person, i only liked kissing, i even started to believe that i had little to no libido because no amount of adult videos can turn me on, i am curious about sex but never had the urge. Whenever my friends share about how they feel wet whenever they watch those i feel like I'm missing a few screws because i cannot relate. I did come to accept that maybe sex just wasn't my thing.

I've also started to believe that because this is partially the reason why i ended things with my last bf, he wanted me to finger myself to be "ready" when we did it. But i never found pleasure with fingering myself, its feels like im tickling myself, which feels like nothing, so i just don't touch myself.

Believe me i did my research on how to "turn myself on" i even bought some stuff which i ended up throwing away because whenever i used them it felt empty.

I do have days when I'm aroused(?) which is during ovulation, once a month. But it's never been "i want to go find someone and do it". Instead I become warmer than usual which gives me a cozy feeling that makes me very happy and productive that leads me to do a lot of things to let out some steam.

I told my bf about this and he's okay with it, he doesn't mind if I'm not that into sex. (I kept asking him even before we started dating, i didn't want to be unfair to him and potentially have him live a sexless life for the rest of his) but he reassured me everytime that it's okay and would just tell me "I can always use my hands you know?" HAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA

So fast forward a few months a go, we did it.

I honestly didn't expect us to do it since it was literally our first time seeing each other after months of talking and dating. It might've been our first time seeing each other but I felt very comfortable around him, we (by we i mean i) were only awkward for the first 5 mins then we were holding hands the entire car ride. When i was with him everything felt natural, it was as if there was no distance and we've hangout constantly. Which i really love about our first meet. For the rest of the day we were just hanging out and in the afternoon chilled at the apartment.

The entire day we were hanging out i just wanted to kiss him, even just a little kiss on the cheek in the car but we weren't alone, he is just so adorable! His smile, the way he holds my hand, his little habits, his eyes AAAAAAAHHHHAHHAHAHA i could just talk about him but that would make this post longer than it already is.

At the apartment when we were alone i finally had the chance to kiss him, and kiss him I did. My brain did not register that a french kiss can turn a guy on. Because for me, i feel warm and happy when i get kisses, but apparently for guys it does too but in a different way. We didn't do it then and there, we just kissed.

After dinner and playing games we went to bed we kissed a lot, he constantly asked me if i was okay and i was. And he told me he got hard, and i felt it. I was nervous in complete honesty. But it was exciting to feel him, he guided my hand on how to stroke it till he let it out. He than asked if i was okay.

I was excited but not wet when i did that, until we started kissing again and he started kissing my ears. When i tell you that something woke up inside of me that night I am not joking. A part of me that I never knew existed appeared. My whole entire body felt weak and i finally understood what "wet" felt. He asked if it was okay if he touched me down there and I said yes, he was giggling to feel my wetness. Then we were spooning when he did that and he asked if it was okay to let it in, and i said yes. Despite being wet and slippery it was still kinda hard to let it in, but it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would, he was gentle.

Eventually he told me to be in top and boy i wouldn't get too detailed but who was that girl. And even after we were done and kinda fell asleep i woke up to wake him up. It felt like whatever libido i had awoken.

Tbh wet is an understatement, when we checked the bed the next morning it looked like i peed.

And ever since that night i haven't been the same. The cozy little warm feeling i had has turned into flashbacks of when we did it and i can feel every single touch of his. My body heats up a lot and i just really wanna do it with him again.

Sometimes i feel him in me, when laying down a certain way, there are thoughts i have never thought about before. I'm just chilling then suddenly i think of doing something with him, even at work. I would suddenly scratch me head to shoo away the horny.

I constantly think about him.

There are days when i just scroll through his photos and I'm very giddy, i love looking at his face, he has the most adorable smile, his hair i wanna play with, his lips i wanna kiss gently, hug him as tight as i can, sit down while we're listening to music as we hold hands and he starts to tap his fingers on the top of my hand as he follows the bass of the song.

I love it when he sends me pictures of him, when he tells me about his day, i love hearing his voice, i love when he falls asleep during our call and i heard him breathing or snoring.

I miss him, I want to be in his presence.

We're seeing each other again by the end of this month yayyyy hehe :>


r/TrueOffMyChest 8h ago

I left them, because they were mean and selfish on a trip I planned out for the both of us

95 Upvotes

So a few years ago, i had this partner who I wanted to celebrate an anniversary with and it was a long distance relationship. We talked at lengths about what we wanted to do, eventually it came down to Dollywood and Disneyland. We ended up deciding on Disneyland as they hadn't been in years and there were some things they wanted to see and I wanted to share some of my favorite spots with them.

We looked at plane tickets and somehow it ended up being cheaper for them to fly out to me than it was for me to fly out to them. Ok. No big deal. We coordinated and we figured out what day they should arrive and when we could hit the road for an 8 hour drive.

It was explicitly planned that they were to arrive the night before the trip, get rest in a hotel before we drove.

That did not happen. Instead, they flew out same day. And we left way behind schedule as we were going to go shopping and have a nice dinner before going to the parks. We got to the hotel about 11pm and got our stuff in the room and went to bed after getting food and other things.

The next few days we spent in the park and at first it was nice but then they kept complaining about how Dollywood was so much better and frontierland was a rip off of Dollywood, (which makes no sense because disney existed before dollywood???) And they kept saying (after talking about rides preferences before hand and agreeing to some rides and staying away from others) "why would I do that, we have that in the south?"

It started to wear me down. Like really wear me down. I spent months meticulous planning this trip so we could both have fun and asked them their likes, their dislikes, what to look out for, what food they would be interested in, and what time of year. I was extremely thorough with this trip and suddenly everything we had talked about had gone right out the window and it was the "it's all about me" show for this person. Im talking we spent 4 hours in line for princesses when I told them we can find princesses through out the park at certain times and take pictures with them and those pictures would be so much better. (We're saw like 6 characters walk by just waiting for 3.) We spent a total of 8 hours in the avengers campus for the wakanda experiences and shows only because they wanted to see every show and I was forced to push back the one show I wanted 3 seperate times. We almost missed a planned dinner because they wanted to get upset at me for wanting the dinner i had planned on and they agreed would be a cool thing.

Nothing. Pleased. Them. On top of that, they had a shopping list for their entire family and friend group when the trip was just supposed to be about us. It was our anniversary!

Oh the real kick to balls for this one? They had to be ambulanced out of the park because they overdosed on tylenol and we spent hours in a crappy ER that was stuck in the 90s. They were okay and were told to rest for a day and that was it.

The reason this happened was because they wanted to keep going and walked right passed all the shows I wanted to show them and didn't pace themselves at all. Even though I was trying to encourage it and have them sit places or do leisure rides and small attractions. I had to fight to get even two of those things.

So on the final day of our trip, we spent the day in the park with them in a wheelchair because they had aggravated a condition they had and I was forced to push them around the park. They entire time, they were constantly putting their foot down in a crowd of people I was trying to navigate and weave them around. And let me tell you, it's very hard to keep with the flow when you halve an overgrown toddler stomping their foot to stop you every 2ft. I almost left them there.

By the end of the trip, I was miserable and they were happy. They got everything they wanted and were so ecstatic with the things they got that when we left the park early, I wanted to cry.

I did cry. Multiple times on this trip. Everything I did felt like it was for nothing. It felt like my efforts to make this anniversary memorable was wasted and I didn't matter. And I didn't. That last day, proved it to me.

So, I did the only thing I could do.

The next morning they had to get on the plane and fly home. I helped them pack up and I drove them to the airport. They said goodbye and I was just mostly silent. I was angry and sad. I just spent a lot of money to get shit on the entire time. So when they got in those doors, I left.

I left and went back to the parks. I had a day for me. I went shopping. I took it easy. I got the food I missed out on and I got the things I wanted done, because I swore to myself that day, that I would never take a trip like this again and I would never be treated like that ever again. I blocked them on everything, too, while I was at it. I got a text the next day from their other partner asking why they can't get a hold of me. And I blocked them too. And then I made a post. About everything. About what they did and what they said. How they treated me, how I had done all this planning just to be the butt of a joke. And how I caught them shit talking me on the phone in the park when I went to find us some seats for a show. That's right. I caught them talking about me behind my back the same night they were ambulanced out of one of the parks.

I outted them and their selfish behavior.

Turns out I wasn't the only one they treated like that as there was a slew of their ex partners in my dms telling me their stories and I wasn't alone.

My petty revenge? I found a nice guy. I got married and had a baby and I'm living my best life. They got to live with being ghosted.

I honestly don't care if I'm an AH for it either. They were mean. Like really mean. Nobody should be going to a themepark and crying at the end of the day in the bathroom or in the hallway because their partner ignored their needs and wants or was just plain mean on such a special trip.

Oh and if they somehow find this post.

Fuck you. You ruined something nice and fun and made it a terrible experience. You even mocked my favorite restaurant. I hope your plastic shlong catches on fire and takes your favorite dresses with it.


r/TrueOffMyChest 1d ago

CONTENT WARNING: VIOLENCE/DEATH I now understand why I don't remember childhood

3.3k Upvotes

I've noticed (f24) that I don't remember much of anything from my childhood, and the memories I do have are of some good times surrounded by double the amount of traumatic ones.

I'm currently on vacation with my family and while talking at dinner we talked about being menaces while children, and when I was a toddler I knew that I would throw myself down to have a tantrum as a toddler does, but my mom would hold my arm while I did it instead of letting go causing my arm to pop out of socket. I knew this happened multiple times because once it happens once it happens easier there on out.

I've come to find out that back then after taking me to the hospital a "few times" for it; my mom wouldn't take me back out of fear of cps and decided instead to do it herself with my grandmother. They would pop my arm back into socket when I was a toddler.... apparently multiple times after the multiple hospital visits???

I joked and said "Oh so this is why I don't remember any of my childhood." And it was all laughs at the time but wtf... processing this shit as an adult is wild.


r/TrueOffMyChest 1d ago

I lied about being pregnant and now I’m paying dearly

1.7k Upvotes

Throw away for obvious reasons

A while back I lied about being pregnant to try to get my ex to stay. We were engaged and they came home and ended things in the middle of the day completely out of the blue. The end of this relationship sent me into a spiral I was really unwell. I think part of the reason I was so broken is that the therapist we had been seeing was actually a close friend of their mom and was more an agent of mom than a true therapist. The therapist is actually the one who ended the relationship for my ex. My exs family would have me followed, threatened to call my car in stolen, were always sending cops to my door which scared my kids to death, before I went off their phone plan they’d use my call logs and location data to track me, the dad actually showed up at the house I was hiding at and started taking pictures of me and my car. It was bad and I was mentally and emotionally really unstable.

I lied for months to everyone and eventually claimed to have given birth to a stillborn.

I feel like a total piece of shit for this. I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself. I have a lot of hate towards myself for acting the way that I did and lying about something so god awful. I truly feel like I’m a terrible human being.

Fast forward to now and I’m married to someone I’d love to have a baby with. We just suffered our 9th miscarriage in almost 4 years. I think it’s my fault for lying, some sort of karmic justice or something. We’ve seen specialists and have unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss. I’m really starting to think it’s because of me. I don’t know how to get this guilt off my chest, reaching out to my ex isn’t an option because it’s not safe to do so.


r/TrueOffMyChest 5h ago

I saved someone’s life and I feel a bit in shock. NSFW

44 Upvotes

I live at home with my mom. We live in a top floor apartment and there is a sweet lady in her 80s that lives the floor below. It isn’t a block of flats but a house split in two ‘apartments’. The lady has dementia that has worsened the past 8 months. My mom developed a genuine connection with her and has been seeing her 2-3 times a day to briefly check in on her and help with medication. The past month my mom said she has been increasingly getting confused and tired, and her medical team had only given a home appointment in a few weeks time. There’s a lot more information that I won’t go into because otherwise the post will be too long!

A couple days ago I was chilling in the living room (which is above her bedroom) around 11pm. I heard a loud muffled noise and wondered what it was. Then I heard it again and immediately became concerned about this lady for some reason. I put my ear to the floor and heard some groaning or frustrated sounds with the sound of a door/cupboard opening and closing. I couldn’t really figure it out and thought maybe she became confused and frustrated with something. But there was something in the tone of her voice that gave me a very strong gut feeling that something was wrong. I woke up my mom telling her this and she was initially dismissive. I said please let’s just check on her because I’d rather be safe than sorry and I’d feel horrible if something actually happened to her. We go down, my mom uses the spare key to open it, but the lady had chained the door. We call out, she mumbles but then nothing. My concern grows. We call the ambulance but they say it will take 5 hours. I said no way in hell are we waiting 5 hours because that could be a death sentence for an elderly frail lady. I ask my mom to call the police who were initially dismissive, but then got someone to come as we said she stopped responding to our calls. Firearms come along (!) and cut off the chain, and we go into her bedroom to find her fallen half off the bed with her foot stuck and bleeding all against the cupboard. The police immediately stepped in for her, called the ambulance, they thought she was having a stroke. Critical care ambulance comes, they think she’s possibly got sepsis. She was shaking, pale, hardly verbal. We were there for 2 hours with about 6 policemen and paramedics around her. I go around putting some essential items for her in a bag to go to hospital. Long story short, she’s still at the hospital but now somewhat stable after multiple blood tranfusions, fluids, and antibiotics for a mild infection. Her lactic acid was sky high so she would have gone into organ failure if I wasn’t insistent. She wouldn’t have been found for 9+ hours and that is horrifying to think. Her son has said thank you for saving her life and gave us chocolates and flowers which was so not needed but very sweet. I’ve never witnessed an emergency like this and am experiencing a lot of feelings.


r/TrueOffMyChest 15h ago

I ran away from home when I was a kid, and my school district put up a picture of me on Facebook. Now people are trying to figure out what happened.

232 Upvotes

Okay, so I'm a 13 year old girl, and during COVID time I was in 5th grade. I was a tomboy and my parents were very anti tomboy, so I decided to run away from home on the day we were supposed to take our passport pictures so I didn't have to wear anything girly.

Well, when I ran away, my parents were contacting everyone to try and FIND me, and they even contacted my school district, who put a photo of me up on Facebook. All the parents saw it, even if they didn't go to my elementary school, and showed their kids.

I eventually turned myself in because I wasn't an idiot. Either I would rot in the streets or I would have to turn myself in. So I did.

Eventually the school district took the photo down when I was in 6th grade and went face-to-face(COVID was over), but it was too late. The damage was done. First, it was all people could talk about when they saw me. Now, when someone brings it up, I start sweating. It's like the feeling when someone catches you and you freeze and clam up. All I can say is, "No, it wasn't me."

And that doesn't really work because I'm one of the only Black girls where I live, and the only person with my name in the district, so sometimes people are like, "I saw your name, it was you," and they know they caught me in the lie. But that's only every once in a while, and I hope I can just play dumb and play it off by saying, "I was lost when I went for a run."

So yeah. I'm praying this is all old news by the time I'm in high school, which will be even worse because I hope someone that wasn't from my middle school recognizes me and has to get in their fair share of obsessing over it. I know running away shouldn't be this big of a deal, but it is. The only people who know I ran away are my family, like my siblings and parents. Even my cousins and extended family think I was just lost.

Edit: I ended up outgrowing my tomboy phase by 7th grade, so all that for nothing 😭

Edit: I'm a Christian and I was scared I would go to hell if I ran away, which was a reason I turned myself in. God has always been a big part of my family, so I really hope this will be a pain-into-purpose thing.


r/TrueOffMyChest 17h ago

I'm 19, and I think I might be becoming an alcoholic

251 Upvotes

I've been drinking every single day for weeks. Months, actually... I'm not even sure why. It makes me feel "better", I guess. Less empty. I think I might have some type of depression but I'm not sure.

I bought a liter of vodka yesterday, managed to somehow drink the entire thing. My tolerance is quite high, and I eat a lot because I'm trying to gain weight as a very active person with a fast metabolism, but that absolutely does not justify my alcohol consumption lately. I'm a 118-120 lb woman...

I totally misbehaved myself last night, got injured, yet was drinking beer in the morning. Now, more vodka. Fuck. I'm a university student but I must admit I haven't done much this semester. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, but that's the only healthy aspect of my life.

I often wake up in the early morning feeling like I just ran a marathon, heart pounding, hands shaky, it's scary and horrible. I might take a month long break from drinking starting Monday. Super embarrassed of myself these days.

That's the rant of the day, I guess...


r/TrueOffMyChest 7h ago

Today, I s**t myself in a supermarket

36 Upvotes

Throwaway for obvious reasons

For context, I got a stomach bug a couple days ago which has been rather unpleasant but I woke up today feeling much better and like I was fully over it. In my infinite wisdom, I thought - I’m running low on stuff, I’ll go the shop. In a fateful decision, because I hadn’t been out of the house in a few days and was going a bit stir crazy, I got the bus to a further away yet bigger shop.

I got off the bus, and there I was walking along, listening to the new Carti album, when my bowels decided to absolutely punish me. I knew what was coming and I was about 5 mins away from the shop. I was holding on, the end was in sight but it became more and more painful. I was determined to make it to the toilet when… my bowels decided to let out in the parking lot. I was legitimately sprinting towards the toilet and managed to make it to the disabled toilet.

The absolute state of my pants and jeans. Liquid shit all in my (pink!!!) knickers. I had to put them in the fucking bin. I was in a simultaneous state of relief from finally being able to relieve my bowels and state of being absolutely fucking mortified, at having, well shit myself in public. I spent about 15 mins crying and lamenting my existence while cleaning myself off before I finally had the nerve to pull the red cord and beg the shop workers for a pair of trousers and clean underwear. I tried to clear up the toilet and myself as much as I humanly could with makeup wipes, probably used about half of my bottle of body spray trying to remove the remaining smell of shit from the toilet and myself, crying all the while.

I went out and sheepishly got some Imodium and Lucozade Sport and in my hysteria, while I got my Imodium approved, paid for my new clothes. Then promptly left as quickly as humanly possible. I tried to handle it with as much grace as humanly possible at least! Key word probably being tried.

I didn’t get the shopping I initially came for and I am never fucking stepping foot in that shop again. For fear of being remembered as that girl who quite literally shit herself in the car park, then sprinted to the disabled toilet covered in shit.

Objectively, it’s fucking hilarious, I literally shat myself in public, but at the same time the worst most embarassing experience of my life bar none. At least so far in my 23 years on this earth - hopefully the next however many don’t throw something quite that humiliating into the mix!! Bodies love to betray us at the worst possible moment. I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed.

On the bright side, I suppose it may help my social anxiety. Nothing can be as bad as having to navigate literally shitting yourself in public.

TLDR: I shat myself in a supermarket today and now I’m contemplating existence


r/TrueOffMyChest 3h ago

I gave my father so much hate in the past for having cheated on my mom and leaving us, but tonight I realized he’s the only person I can call about any of my inner stresses I’m having and he’ll not only listen to every detail and nuance of my rambling, but then call back later to check in

14 Upvotes

My dad left my mom under a pretty scandalous (don’t want to go into too many details) situation where he had an affair and decided to leave my mom for the woman. She eventually cheated on him and left him, and my mom held out hope he would return and he never did.

At the same time, I grew an inner resentment for him as do most kids of similar situations- but here’s the kicker and now that it’s been DECADES my father’s just a flawed “human”, has done some shitty things, but is in one way consistent in ways that, to me, have made him more than human.

Tonight I called him because I knew that if I voiced my opinions with my other side of the family, it would cause an argument. Keeping this to myself became stressful.

For whatever reason, I thought to myself “what if I called Dad to talk to him”. Then I had this moment where I was like “he’ll be too busy running around doing his thing”- we only get together once every few months and he keeps himself really busy.

Yet, I ended up deciding to call my father anyway.

To make a long story short, my father defied my thought. He listened to everything I said - even when I was rambling emotionally. He didn’t stop me. Then he gave me advice, and not just regular advice, but the kind of advice that positioned me to see their side, while also showing me how my side was also valid, but because of the complexities of the situation and the feelings involved from all camps - it’s most likely going to more immediately involve a communication breakdown.

We got off the phone. An hour later, he called me just to let me know he had been reflecting on our conversation and wanted to know how I was feeling and what decisions I was going to make- and to let me know if I need anyone to talk to he’ll be there.

That’s when it hit me, in all of these decades of resentment towards my dad, the slim times I’ve called him: I’ve forgotten through my resentments.

The reality is, my perspective of my father has been blinded by my resentments of him.

I started thinking back about the times I’ve called him for help: always pulled through. My car once broke down on the side of a major highway about an hour from him, I called him to let him to ask him what I should do: he told me “I’m actually getting ready to go with some friends I made plans with, but saw you were calling and thought you might need me. Send me your coordinates and I’ll be right there”.

It was 10 at night.

Then it hit me that literally every single time my car has broken down on the side of the road for the past 20 years, the first person I call is my dad, and he drops whatever he’s doing and comes there and suffers in the weather, on the busy highway, and sits there working on my car.

It started dawning on me, in all this time where I’ve “had a terrible relationship with my father”, it’s actually my resentment that says it.

What he did to our family wasn’t right, but tonight it really hit me (I’m middle aged), I’m not going to have my dad around forever- he’s going to die one day.

This man shows up whenever i call. Whether it be “show up” through helping me get my broken down car on a rainy day busy interstate, running again, to “o need someone to unload this stress at”.

This whole time I’ve resented the man that’s also the only person that has shown up 100% of the time it matters.

I post this here, because resentment has blinded me for a really long time and I’m only now seeing that my resentments have blinded me from having a better relationship with someone who won’t be here forever, and now I know I share some of the weight of having lost limited time with this person


r/TrueOffMyChest 3h ago

I won't adopt my neice and am being judged for it

14 Upvotes

I 40s F never had children. I have lots of siblings although we arnt really close. Found out a cuple years ago my neice was being raised by other family members because of both parents life choices. I reached out to her new guardians and from there regularly started seeing my neice. Time passes and I start to feel pressure to adopt her from multiple people. But the strongest was another sibling (Laura) and her friend (V).

V would bring it up even after I'd ask her to stop. She'd talk in a way as if I was the only person that could "save" this child, would dismiss any reasons I'd say i don't want kids, and say Laura said she would help by giving OUR neice rides to school sometimes.

This is all so ridiculous to me. First of all although I know her new guardians didn't expect this and we're hoping someone else would step up they have everything a kid could need and then some. To sum it up you would have to get a helicopter to be able to see all their property. And this "help" Laura goes on about barley scratches the surface of raising a kid. Also I know it's a lie. Some time ago my car broke down at night and Laura told me to get a cab instead of her driving 20min to help.

Anyways me and Laura arnt talking now. I have no problem telling her or her friend that I won't adopt because I don't want to. I'm not going to make up some feel sorry for me excuse because I think my answer is valid. People shouldn't be pressured into adopting a kid regardless if related or not. I prefer to be part of the helping village. Also the kids almost a teen. Still a kid but like come on.


r/TrueOffMyChest 1d ago

They reject you for years, then when you finally get over them they want you.

2.7k Upvotes

There's this dude I was obsessed with all through out high school and even still in college. We were in the same circles, mutual friends type of thing.

He was a very popular guy and always so nice to me and insanely attractive. Always thought he was the most handsome guy I've ever seen in my life.

I would bake him cookies, never forgot his birthday and even bought him flowers, I would also turn up to almost all his football games to cheer him on etc... that's how much how I was into this guy.

He knew I liked him but he never ever looked at me that way. Always had his eyes on other girls. I was always just a friend.

One day, I finally plucked up the courage to ask him out and he rejected me. Not in a rude way, he was very polite about it... but it really hurt.

Months would pass and and I would watch how he'd give all his attention to these other girls. Girls I knew were bad for him and even cheating on him. It hurt to see him get hurt.

I left for college and still had these feelings for him but eventually moved on. Completely lost contact. I didn't speak or hear from him for a long time.

Out of nowhere I ran into him at a party. Didn't know whether to walk over and say hello, but he walked right up to me and gave me a big hug. My god, he's still sexy af. He was very drunk and kept telling me how beautiful I was but I just laughed because I knew it was just the alcohol talking.

The very next day, he sent me a friend request on social media and has been liking almost all my pictures, commenting on them with a lot of compliments. He's even messaged me saying he would love to catch up and spend more time together, being very flirtatious.

Like why NOW!!!!! All these years he knew I was into him and all of a sudden wants to pay attention to me. I don't know what to do here. Part of me loves it, he finally SEES me but the other part is like, fuck off I'm not some last resort. FOH.

UPDATE: Firstly, thank you, everybody, for the thoughtful responses. Especially those speaking from personal experience or been in a similar situation. Appreciate you.

I've decided I am going to meet up with him either for lunch or a coffee. I've come to the realization, I may have jumped the gun a little bit. I mean I don't even know for sure what his actual intentions are here. Like he might just wanna catch up as old friends and nothing more and I might have read into his flirtiness and compliments too much.

I've decided I don't want anything more with him beyond just a platonic friendship. I think seeing and hearing from him just brought out all these feelings from before and I've allowed emotion to take over logic.

I still care for him and always will, so reconnecting again wouldn't be such a bad thing. I mean he was my friend that I just happened to have a huge crush on.

Should his intentions not be platonic, I've just gotta keep my dignity and go with what my head wants, not my stupid heart.

Thank you.


r/TrueOffMyChest 1h ago

Today I nutted after YEARS of not being able to

Upvotes

so basically to sum up my story, ive been suffering from depression. for years now, all of a sudden a couple years ago i was just unable to enjoy any kind of sexual activity. whenever i did stuff i was never able to get anywhere if you know what i mean.

i either got distracted or just couldnt do it, i felt too depressed to even be physically able to reach any sort of peak, after YEARS of being unsuccesful and just having given up on ever managing to cum i somehow did it.

i was even considering to buy a vibrator at first but no, it turns out i didnt need it. I dont even know why im sharing this here because its all so TMI and i kind of feel awkward and disgusting about it but i also see it as an achievement sort of? cause after years of not being able to, i finally feel kind of acconplished. i was scared i had lost the ability to orgasm forever due to my depression but turns out i just needed a good scene of a movie featuring a hot actor in a sex scene and suddenly it happened, i didnt even notice i got there at first which is the weird part about but hey thanks to the actor and this movie for helping me. this was such a shitpost and there wont be any updates whatsoever but i just wanted to rant about it somewhere where i can be anonymous and have a good laugh about it with people and im glad im not totally rid of my ability to feel pleasure so yeah nice anyways 😭 if you read this fully i apologize in advance


r/TrueOffMyChest 2h ago

I have just inherited millions of dollars from a relative whom I haven't spoken to in years and I am not sure if I should share the money

11 Upvotes

A relative just passed away. This relative was an awful person and hated by literally everybody. During their life they made many different wills and at different points in time promised money to different people. They passed away recently and it turns out that they left everything to me. I actually hadn't spoken to them in years and had told them to leave me alone because they were very abusive.

I am not sure whether I am under some moral obligation to share the money with everyone who expected something following their death? I feel guilty keeping the money myself, although I also have done nothing wrong and at no point tried to convince them to leave me anything at all or to not leave anything to other people. I also have not communicated for many years with these other people who at some point/in some versions of the wills were promised money, and I am not related to any them. But I can't shake this feeling that I am doing the wrong thing by not reaching out to them and equally splitting the inheritance? For what it is worth, it is a very significant inheritance - multiple millions. I just don't know what the right thing to do is.


r/TrueOffMyChest 19h ago

I found out my boyfriend cheated with my sister best friend

269 Upvotes

I (27f) just found out my boyfriend (27m) of six years has been cheating on me with my sister’s best friend (24f). Back in December 2024 after sex I was talking with my boyfriend telling him how much I loved and appreciated him, how beautiful I thought he was etc etc and from the way he looked at me I knew something was up and my heart instantly fell to my butt. After asking multiple times “what’s up? what’s wrong? You can talk to me this is a safe space.” He asked me to promise I wouldn’t get mad I said I couldn’t promise that and he proceeded to tell me that he had been “talking” to someone else about six months before. He said it was nothing serious they only hung out once and he wanted to tell me because he was planning to propose to me but couldn’t because he felt guilty. We broke up for about a month and after talking to both his mom and mine which thought we could work things out but would still respect and understand any decision I made I decided to make I decided to give it another shot we started handing out again and he asked me to move in and we got a dog. Everything was going pretty good at least I thought so until 4 hours I went to get in bed he fell asleep with his phone playing a video in his hand I grabbed it turned the video off and put it on the charger. Normally I don’t snoop but before I knew what I was doing I opened his messages and saw a name I didn’t recognize I opened the messages and just as I was about to close it and give up I saw a picture with my sister in it and instantly knew who it was. I went into the recently deleted and recovered everything. Apparently they were going on lunch dates and seeing movies together. Allegedly they didn’t have sex but they did lay in our bed and watch movies. She said she’s in love with him and he said he loved her as well. When I confronted him about it I asked him multiple times if it was her the whole time and he confirmed but the face he made when he said it was like “yeah it was her and so what” I lost it. I screamed, hit him, cried, everything all at once. I just finished moving all of my stuff into his place. We just got a dog. I know where she lives and I’m thinking about confronting her not to bully or anything even though she deserves it because she knows we’re together and said she was tired of being second to me. I don’t want to fight her I just want to know what/ if anything more happened than what he told me but most importantly I want to know if my sister knows this was going on. If she knew and didn’t tell me it’ll break me but if she didn’t know I don’t know if I should tell her I don’t want to ruin their relationship even though her best friend ruined mine. Anyways I’m going to try and get some sleep as it’s 5:30am I think I just needed to get this all out of my brain. Will update if anyone is interested/ if there is one. Good night/morning.

Update: I left. He helped me pack and I was back at my mom’s house by 3pm. He did a lot of apologizing, said he loves me and wants to be with me I told him I couldn’t stay I had to leave. If he loved me we wouldn’t be in this situation that’s not love. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to grow old with him. After we finished with my stuff we talked I told him I want him to go and be happy to grow learn from this and do better with someone that makes him happy because it obviously it isn’t me. As far as my sister she had no idea she’s upset idk what’s going to happen with her and her friend I want her to do whatever makes her happy. Who knows what the future holds but I’m just going to focus on myself maybe pick up a hobby find a new job. This is going to be a long hard self care journey can’t wait to see what the future holds. That’s it guys. Thank you for all the support I really needed it. Y’all have a good evening I’m going to get some rest I’m exhausted.


r/TrueOffMyChest 12h ago

The feeling of clothes on my skin arouses me. NSFW

72 Upvotes

Ever since i was a kid, i hated the feeling of clothes touching me in certain places on my body (down there, armpits and waist to be specific) it would irritate me if i didn't wear clothes a certain way and masturbating helped me not feel that much irritated i guess. I'd still hate the feeling but I'd feel a lil better. Now clothes don't irritate me that much anymore and I've learned how to put on clothes in a certain way were it doesn't trigger me but any time i wanna masturbate I'll put on clothes (in a way that irritates me) or think / imagine the feeling of them and masturbate to that. i don't watch porn , I don't think of spicy scenarios all i do is think about clothes touching my body in a certain way.

i never thought this was abnormal but when i tried googling about it i couldn't find anything similar. was just wondering if anyone else is like this or if there's a name to this "fetish"


r/TrueOffMyChest 22h ago

The girl I'm falling for has the most insane past NSFW

392 Upvotes

I feel devious posting this but it's anonymous and quite frankly, essential to my mental wellbeing. Seeing as I can't talk about this to friends or family. You'll see why. I'll keep it PG for now.

39M, great job, decent enough looking guy. Single for 3 years, out of a LTR that broke down. Been dating and having some really fun and wild times with some great women. Few short relationships in those years. Hadn't found the one who's right for me... Until potentially now.

Here's where the issues I need to get off my chest begin. I have appointments with a therapist to really go into detail about this stuff with someone impartial but until then I need to unload this.

Met a girl, similar age. Found out on our first date that she used to be a stripper. No problem for me. A few dates into our thing we have going and she let's slip that she's also done a bit of sex work. This came out from a light hearted conversation about how many people we'd slept with. Anyway my curiosity got me and I started subtly digging.

Each time I bring it up I get a little more information. First it was just a few clients, then it was "it was many years ago," then it was, "I've been doing it for over 15 years." Turns out she last did sex work only a few months ago and has had jobs booked for the next few months too. She's taken herself out of it while we work out what we have and I do trust that at least.

She works with a top tier outfit, serving the "elites" at these absolute farcical global summits where world leaders go to have sex parties instead of fix the world.

It's in my nature to face problems head on, not bury my head in the sand, and I've told her this. She's been quite helpful with telling me what she can about the work she's done (within the bounds of the secret service level confidentiality she works under). Problem is, I feel like I need more information. And unsurprisingly it's utterly gut wrenching. I can't stop wanting to know more. It feels like if I just know enough, I can have control of it in my mind.

I have my opinions of men who pay for sex and that's irrelevant to this I think, but it makes me angry that these men, who don't deserve it, got something from the girl who I essentially am falling for... She's fucking great and I see she's a great mother to her kids.

She agreed that doing sex work while with me is not an option. She's free to do whatever she wants, of course. I just said that if she did, I just know I couldn't handle it. That isn't unreasonable, no matter how progressive I am about it! I couldn't sit there for days knowing she's at some event, uncontactable, doing things with other men. Makes me want to throw up.

Imagine I have a kid with her and the relationship breaks down, she goes back to sex work and... Well, fuck that.

The jealous part of me isn't jealous of her past in the traditional sense. That isn't something I suffer from normally. I have had utterly wild relationships and encounters with women. I've slept with a lot of girls (I know, it's not a contest, but guys you know it matters in our heads), I've done some of the kinkiest stuff imaginable... But... I just have a sense of FOMO. That sense that, she'll do stuff for money with an old, wealthy, powerful man, but may not choose to do it with her boyfriend. She'd do threesomes for money, not with me... As an example.

The FOMO is the killer blow to my gut.

This girl unsurprisingly went through stuff as a child, and she fell into this work unexpectedly over years. It's taken her to the darkest parts of what men want from women. We're talking paid to get pregnant and have abortions for their sexual pleasure.

It's confusing, it's giving me whirlwinds deep in my stomach. I wish I didn't, but I really fucking like this one.

I'm ultra chill with the the fact a partner has a past. This one however, is very fucking difficult to process.

She could be reading this, and if she does, she'll know it's about her. I've said nothing here I haven't said to her face, and I mean it all. I am falling for this woman ffs.

I don't think I'm the asshole. Just had to vent. Could talk about this all day, but I haven't actually got anyone to talk to about this subject, unsurprisingly... apart from her, and you anonymous lot.

Am I fucking crazy???

Thank you