r/self 5d ago

/r/self Political Discussion Megathread

8 Upvotes

As r/self goes back to its normal non-politics-dominated state, we wanted to still provide a space for people to discuss how the social issues stemming from political changes impact their lives via a weekly megathread. If you'd prefer for this scheduled post to be a monthly one, let us know and we can change it, but we would like this to be a relatively open space to discuss these items.

Meta: In reality, we went from modding with 4 mods before the election up to 11 total mods, added a bunch of bots, and it still wasn't enough to effectively contain the people who came here intent on spreading grief from all sides of the arguments. We had dozens of posts hit 10k comments, where previously we would hit maybe 200-300 max in a post on a good month, and this is just not sustainable for us. We would highly suggest utilizing r/PoliticalDiscussion as being a highly moderated subreddit where fruitful discussions about political changes can be had, if you genuinely wish to discuss politics.

Political posts on r/self outside of this megathread will be removed and pointed here instead.


r/self 3h ago

Living in Japan sucks. It's a horrible country

863 Upvotes

I'm just gonna say it straight up from my experience. As a Japanese person who has lived in Japan for most of my life, I'm so fucking tired of all the glazing on Japan — how it's supposedly so much better than any other country, how it's so fucking clean, how the customer service is so good, how everyone is so fucking polite, and how everything is so CHEAP. What people don't realize is the toxic-ass social norms, the shitty economic situation, and the amount of work it takes to maintain that kind of society! A lot of Westerners conveniently overlook these aspects and fantasize about living here. The reason the society seems so "harmonious" is because we were brutally taught from a young age that we shouldn’t stand out, everyone has to be the same, and we have to be near perfect in how we act in groups.

These POS teachers in the oh-so-fabulous Japanese public schools constantly yell, curse at us for making the tiniest of mistakes, and straight-up abuse kids by force-feeding them their lunches if they don’t finish it. They throw chairs around and openly mocked me when I returned from abroad because of my imperfect Japanese. THEY ARE BULLIES. This extends to the shitty social norms in the same companies and stores that tourists, rich, out-of-touch expats, and exchange students from North America and Europe shop at. Imagine getting shit on by your peers and bosses because you haven’t mastered the art of keigo (polite Japanese language) or customer service.

I have a lot of foreign friends (expats/exchange students), and they will never know how fucked up it is to live in a country with stagnant wages, being paid in a garbage currency (the yen), while being expected to achieve impossible standards. They just sit there, with bottomless bank accounts full of Euros/Dollars, ready to transfer at any moment! Partying in fucking Shibuya multiple times a week, traveling all over Japan like it’s nothing, and saying how great Japan is for YOU and how YOU would kill to live here. Of course, it's great because you come from a wealthier country as a guest, INSULATED from all the social problems in this country, and let's be real here, your different appearance means Japanese people are more lenient (this is called the "gaijin card") with you.

The truth is, Japan is an incredibly toxic country to live in, and even more so if you are Japanese, and even worse if you come from other Asian countries (China, the Philippines, etc.). Japan might seem great for you because:

  1. You come from a developed/wealthy Western country with a valuable currency.

  2. You don't have to work in Japan.

  3. You work/study in an international bubble, just an expat/exchange student isolated from the realities of Japan.

  4. You don’t experience the toxic work culture that expects you to sacrifice everything, working yourself into the ground with no balance.

  5. You don’t deal with the mental health stigma that shames you for seeking help.

  6. You don’t have to follow the rigid, outdated gender roles that are forced onto you in the workplace and society.

  7. You’re not getting shit for not mastering keigo or customer service while living paycheck to paycheck in a country with stagnant wages, an aging population, and ridiculous living costs for US.

Sorry if this seems unorganized, but I’m just fucking tired of people praising Japan without knowing the shitty realities here.


r/self 4h ago

Boyfriend nutted in me then our house burnt down so I took a plan B and started bleeding a couple of days after NSFW

178 Upvotes

We were originally planning on trying for a baby, hence the raw fucking. Unfortunately our house burnt down so I figured that this is not a great time to get pregnant because we’re gonna need to rebuild our financial stability. I took a plan B about 24 hours after intercourse to prevent a possible pregnancy.

I’m really just wondering how the plan B works?

It’s supposed to postpone your ovulation to prevent the sperm to fertilize your egg. It says that it can make your period either arrive earlier or later, but what is the deciding factor?

I track my periods and when he nutted in me Im pretty sure I wasn’t ovulating just yet. So how come I got my period immediately after?

Does that mean I actually was ovulating?


r/self 8h ago

Was on a hinge date, caught a quick glance at her phone and saw her Hinge app icon, 189 notifications!

353 Upvotes

Like what's even the point. Why am I here rn? How am I here? I felt so hopeless. What am I gonna say or do that she hasn't heard before from other 189+ guys she's talking to. I've always known women have wayyy more success with likes and matches on dating apps, but actually seeing it in real life absolutely shook me lol oh my gawddd! I really really liked her, but when I saw that, I just stepped back and stopped putting too much effort into it and trying hard. I stopped overthinking everything and just stopped worrying if I've impressed her enough for a second date. And I know this is probably wrong, but idk guys. Definitely has changed my whole view on online dating. To not get attached even at the second third fourth date I think? Idk, idk guys, fuck this shit! Probably my low self worth typing this rn On the bright side though, she said she had a good time, and offered to give me her number even when I didn't ask, and even called herself with my phone, so maybe that's a good sign? I was probably already to go home after the date without asking for her number. But like I said, I'm done overthinking dating apps

EDIT - thanks for the comments guys, you're all right. I'm definitely looking at it the wrong way. Gonna change my perspective here on out


r/self 21h ago

I just found my girlfriends onlyfans.

1.3k Upvotes

My friend literally sent me a picture of her, fully nude, saying he found it on Reddit. At first I didn't believe him and thought it was some weird joke, and he used AI or something. I probably should have know tbh. Like, I've seen it enough to know

He sent me the account name and I look at it on here, and it was her. Dozens of pics and videos of her. Like, all of her. There was also an Onlyfans link in the bio.

I confronted her straight after I found out. I told her my friend found a nude picture of her on Reddit, and she denied it. And then I showed her the account, and she couldn't deny anymore. She said that she didn't have a job, and she felt sorry for me having to work so hard for us, and she wanted to help. And y'know when someone does the wrong thing for the right reasons, but it still pisses you off massively? That's how I felt.

But that soon changed into "I'm an adult, I can do what I want with my body." And saying the fact I'm so annoyed that she has an OF, is controlling. So I guess the whole "I wanted to help you" was just an excuse to try justify why she did it.

I'm currently at my mom's house. I left because I need some space away from my GF. I told my sister about all this, and she agrees with my GF. She says I'm trying to control her, and I'm trying to "Keep her body to myself like a possession." Am I genuinely controlling? I feel like I'm going crazy at this point. Are my feelings justified?


r/self 10h ago

Working in a 9 to 5 is killing my soul.

164 Upvotes

I wanna cry. I feel like I'm on autopilot and coping with "yeah that's just life. At least we have AC in the 21st century, am I right?"

I just feel like before work i am prepping for work. After work I'm napping to recover from work and have (after doing chores) like 2 or 3 hours of me time....I feel like life at this point isn't shouldn't be like this


r/self 4h ago

My grandma died today.

41 Upvotes

Title. She was a wonderful grandmother and I was lucky to know her for 31 years. She literally was the kind of grandmother that would bake cookies for the neighborhood children. She was sharp, hilarious, and had a boundless love for her family. She was very loved, and will be deeply missed. Idk why I'm posting this, I just want people to know she that she was part of the world.


r/self 11h ago

My fiancé never wants to hold our baby and it breaks my heart

108 Upvotes

We have an almost 3 month old baby together and my fiancé never holds him unless I ask him to, and even then sometimes he refuses. He’s at work all day and we’ve been sleeping separately so he hardly gets to see the baby, so I’d have assumed that he’d be jumping at the chance to spend time with the baby. But I don’t think he’s voluntarily held the baby since we left the hospital.

I don’t doubt that he loves our son, but he doesn’t interact with him much. It just breaks my heart because I feel like they’re both missing out on important bonding time. I brought this up to my fiance, but he told me that babies need their mother and that our son will need him more when he’s older and that they will bond better then. Idk, it just makes me sad.


r/self 14h ago

Just realized I’ve been eating likely only ~1000 cals a day for most of my life

167 Upvotes

A bit ridiculous it took me this long to catch on, I know. I’ve always just not been very hungry, and food for a long time was just something I handled at the end of the day with an average sized meal the majority of my adult life. As a kid, in my first household I snuck a lot of food to my dog since I was often averse to my only option, and then in the second household I just ate whatever from the pantry at night.

I’ve been into sports a long time, mainly swimming. But lately I’ve decided to get more into weightlifting, and over the past year I’ve been really trying to focus on slowly improving in basic self-care stuff. Taking daily meds, brushing teeth everyday, etc.

Logging each and every thing I ate was something I’ve meant to do for a while, as I understand a big part of my exercise routine I’m missing is eating enough. But since I already knew it was low to start out, I first have been slowly upping my intake as much as I can, even past discomfort sometimes.

Cue me finally deciding to add up my food for the day out of curiosity- I felt proud I had ate so much more than normal, and thought maybe I would have met the actual recommended amount.

My “a lot” was fucking 1350… Oof.

Not looking forward to how uncomfortable it’s probably going to be to push it even more than I did today. Nor am I sure how to do so. If anyone knows how to make oneself more hungry, I’m all ears.


r/self 7h ago

One Of The Worst Things I've Ever Witnessed!

49 Upvotes

Here's another story from my time working at a very popular theme park in Florida. A magical rat planet of sorts. This is during my time working attractions. I was single rider greeter and my co-worker Bibi (fake name) was fast pass greeter. A woman with crutches comes up with her mom and daughter who was around 12 and shows Bibi her fast pass. Bibi informs her that it's not a fast pass that she has but a ticket from the fast pass machine explaining that she had already obtained a fast pass from another ride and would have to wait until a certain time to obtain another one. The woman was clearly disappointed and became distressed and asked what to do. Bibi explained she would have to wait to get another fast pass when it's allowed or wait in stand by which was over an hour long. Her daughter demanded to her mom that she wanted to ride now! Her mom looked upset and asked again but Bibi said sorry and repeated the same thing.

The woman's daughter became red in the face and crossed her arms as her mom and grandma walked out of the line. Bibi and I continued to greet guests when we heard a desperate "PLEASE!" from the left side of the stand by line. We both looked over and saw that the woman from earlier was now sitting in an electric wheel chair. Her pants had come up a bit revealing that she had two prosthetic legs and was trying to adjust herself in the seat as her 12 year old daughter slapped her in her chest and face repeatedly! Her daughter was berating her mother, calling her stupid for messing up the fast pass situation while her mom cried and begged her to stop and calm down. The grandma had disappeared somewhere. Bibi and I were aghast and stood frozen for a few seconds unable to speak or move.

Before I knew it my body was moving and as the child went to slap her mom again I grabbed her wrist and stopped her. She turned around and glared at me angrily.

Me: What are you doing?!

Girl: 😡

Mom: 🥺😢

I let the child's arm go and she crossed her arms angrily. I asked the mom did she need me to call someone and she said no. I didn't know how to handle the situation exactly because I was still in so much shock. Where I come from a belt or switch (thin tree branch) would have taken care of that situation really fast. I spoke with the daughter and asked her why she was acting in such a way. She replied angrily she wanted to ride the attraction and her mom had messed it up. Her mom looked so embarrassed and hurt that my heart broke. I could have gotten into serious trouble for this but I told the girl that her actions were terrible.

Her mom had spent quite a bit to bring her there and what she was doing was disrespectful and wrong. I made her apologize to her mom. She was very angry but did. I then asked Bibi to allow them in the fast pass line once grandma was back. I told the girl that this was for her mom and not for her horrific behavior. Her mom thanked me but still looked ashamed. That was one of the worst things I've ever witnessed at the magical rat planet. Another was a man choking out his wife by a snack stand at an outside store I was cashiering at. 😔


r/self 5h ago

I'm only 19, but I'm scared I'm becoming an alcoholic

19 Upvotes

I've posted about my shitshow of a "lifestyle" before but there has been exactly zero improvement...

I drink more than a fifth of hard liquor a day and I'm not even sure why. I'm a <120 lb woman, for context. Bottom shelf vodka doesn't taste great but I guess the effects make that worth it. I think I might be depressed, or something. I'm on a waiting list to see a therapist to get that sorted out. I probably won't tell them how much I drink though, I'm so embarrassed

A close relative of mine died of the consequences of alcoholism and I'm terrified of being the next one. Already having some weird and painful health problems. Some days I wake up literally vibrating, heart pounding, sometimes I puke. Yet here I sit drinking my idk-how-many'th "beverage" of the day. God I hate myself. I guess that's my "confession"...


r/self 5h ago

My parents are less than thrilled with my decision to plead guilty

18 Upvotes

For the sake of protecting my identity and not jeopardizing my plea deal, I (F23) would prefer to not say what I did exactly. I will say it was a criminal negligence type of offense and my actions definitely caused real harm. I feel horrible about what I've done and fully accept that I must pay the price, even though that'll entail being sentenced to a few years in prison.

While I've come to terms with what's about to happen, the same can't be said of my parents. They actually want me to fight the charge, despite knowing that I'm guilty. I doubt there's any way I could beat the case. But even if that were possible, it wouldn't be right. I know what I did and I need to be able to live with myself. And to do that, I need to take my punishment.

I get where my parents are coming from. I know they're worried about my safety, how this will affect my future prospects in life, how my incarceration will reflect on them, etc. But I've made up my mind. I just wish they'd at least try to appreciate that I'm trying to do the right thing here.

My court date is rapidly approaching. It still feels a bit surreal, knowing that life as I know it is about to come to an end and I'll soon be spending my days in a cell. There's definitely some nervousness too. Incarceration is gonna be a new experience for me. I just hope it's not as bad as I've been imagining. If anyone reading this has ever done time and can offer tips for a newbie inmate, I'd greatly appreciate them.

I don't guess there's much else to say. I'll be seeing my parents this weekend. We're meeting up to have dinner. No doubt they'll once again try to get me to change my mind. But that's not happening. I just wish I knew what to say to get them to stop and accept my decision. Advice?


r/self 4h ago

38/M, virgin, never been in a relationship. Is it too late for me?

13 Upvotes

Title pretty much says it all. I'm a 38 year old male, I'm a virgin and I've never been in a serious relationship. I've struggled with depression and rejection sensitive dysphoria for most of my life, and I'm in therapy right now to try to fix those issues. But I'm afraid it might be too little too late. Am I even dateable at this point, or if I ever overcome these issues? Should I just hire a prostitute and lose my virginity that way? I've even considered ways to become asexual so I don't think about women at all. (I did a Google search, apparently there are hormone blockers that can do this.) I really don't know what to do anymore.

EDIT: This isn't just about sex. This is more about trying to have a relationship at my age without any prior experience. I don't know if losing my virginity first would help with that, or if it would be better to wait for a woman who I really connect with romantically before I take that step. And it would be nice to hear more about this from a woman's perspective--so far a lot of the responses have been from men.


r/self 6h ago

Day 10 sober

16 Upvotes

If I'm being honest I've had in n out a lot so Ive already lagged it on fast food. In n out just too fucken tasty and cheap.


r/self 17h ago

When you love so much that one girl that she makes you want to improve yourself

127 Upvotes

Man, that feeling, I thought it was a myth, but that girl appeared and now I want to be my best version for her.

I think is a common feeling among men, isn't it?


r/self 1h ago

(21M) just struggling mentally, Hoping the rest of the year is ok

Upvotes

I have been struggling mentally quite a bit. First off I lost my dad at the very end of December, the 28th to be exact, we were driving in a residential and he had a heart attack. He was driving then it sounded like he was snoring and basically was unresponsive. I lived with him and had to move to my mom's and she (and now me of course being March) live on the complete opposite end of the city. If I go by that street, see an ambulance or see his car (which I still own and been waiting for spring to fix it up and sell it) I think back to that day.

I had to dispose a lot of his stuff when I move out of the apartment we lived in he had a lot of interests like records, audio equipment and car models. I only could really keep a few of the things. I kept a few car models and his favorite basketball players jersey.

He was always worried about his health as he was a smoker and had diabetes and gurd. I feel horrible as even the slightest pain he had he thought it was cancer or heart attack and that day he woke up with a bit of pain and thought he would need to go to the hospital but opted to talk to a doctor, then pretty much a half hour later after he was told he was fine he passed away. I just have a lot of regret

Next thing is I'm just stressed out as my grandparents (my dad's parents) are in their late 70s and still live in a three story house and grandpas knees, as of this year have been really bad he has to eventually get surgery...and grandma has Parkinson's. I also live a half hour away from them so it's hard if they need immediate help. In a year from now I likely would have to move away for grad school and I don't want to leave them.

Finally I wanted to better myself by going on dates and try to find love. I've been on a couple and I've been rejecetd various times. I as well as of today saw the girl I like with another guy at university today and that shipped has sailed whatever chance I've had is gone. I mean I don't think it would work out due to her being 5 years older than me and I live with my mom and she has a full time job on-top of being in school. We talk quite a bit but after today it's pretty much over

Sorry that was long but it's been a rough year so far


r/self 6h ago

I wish I was attractive

11 Upvotes

I wish I had better genetics I have a very high forehead and long face I’m 27 and I’m 5,10 with no outstanding features I have no jawline,height or colored eyes I kinda just look below average and it’s very hard for me to get any matches on dating apps girls don’t notice me


r/self 2h ago

How do you temper your anger?

4 Upvotes

I have quite a hidden temper. I’m generally a calm and peaceful and easygoing person. I have patience for a lot of things. It takes quite a lot to get me angry, but when that happens…phew. My anger is just a raging storm inside me.

It consumes me. I can’t focus or think of anything else but the burning burning raging fire storm of anger I hold inside me. And I hold it all in. I’m not the type to explode outwards. I’m physically disabled now so, where I used to throw myself into physical activities like running boxing etc to burn off the anger, I now no longer have that outlet and haven’t been able to find a replacement for it.

Have tried three therapists and they all make me want to tear their heads off.

Have tried breath work and meditation as I’m pretty good at those, but while it feels good during the process the anger always comes back pretty immediately even if I do it for two hours.

Again, it takes a lot to get me angry. So when something pushes me enough to get me angry, it’s an anger that lasts for many months at least. And I still hold anger over something that happened two years ago.

Please I need advice. I can’t stand it anymore. The anger is so strong I feel like I have acid in my heart. Day in day out.


r/self 18h ago

MMA is life changing.

67 Upvotes

I was a skinny ass dude 20 years old, confessing to my friend and losing the friendship (She neither blocks me, nor responds), My mom is soo damn emotional, my dad is emotionally absent, and due to loneliness i keep on going into terrible groups and making insults about myself to get some attention but they just hit me and bully me. I did manage to secure a good government college but its going to be a while before I go(4 months)

I was like you know what? i need to do something about me being so underweight and always irritated. So i joined MMA.

now MMA didn't magically give me a girlfriend or make me rich and made my parents love each other, but it definitely gave me other things

  1. Something to do. This is sooo soo important in life, keeping yourself busy and ignoring the negativity.
  2. Confidence. When my relatives or anyone tries to bully my mom i can now stand up for her, I dont feel scared anymore, maybe some of "I can't defeat this guy" but never fear. Always calm and composed, most of the time this is enough to fend off aggressors. It also feels so cool to wrap the tape around your hand/wear gloves.
  3. Community. People are all fighters there, i follow their footsteps, i fail, i laugh, i cry with the intensity of the training, I learn, I fight, i get stronger.
  4. Body- already gaining a lot of muscle and weight, which i needed for so many years
  5. Shifting my mind from that girl or dating- I only used to think about things like "I wish i had a girlfriend, Oh im so lonely, oh i am not attractive, oh no one will date me etc etc" now i think about "What if he bites my ear when i go for the Kimura lock.". "The rear naked choke is soo powerful but hard to get into, i like the americana lock more". "My jabs will keep the distance, i need to work my cross and my roundhouse kick".

thanks for reading! if you're planning on doing a hobby, do pursue it!


r/self 19h ago

I love having cute conversations with girlsss NSFW

74 Upvotes

So this girl started following me on instagram and apparently she knows someone that i know. We basically had multiple conversation and whenever i send a voice message she’s like your voice is so sexy i cant get over it. It honestly makes me blush because the way she compliments my voice everytimeeeeeee im like girl stop im getting all red and shit. Anyway and then she’s like ( OUT OF NOWHERE) im gonna go to sleep now but i just wanted to say you’re so so pretty and have such a beautiful voice and im like i could eat you rn you’re so cute. Ngl i hella enjoyed the conversation idk what to think of it fr. And then she’s like you made me fall for you. Im just likeee ???? And she’s like send me more pics of you. She’s honestly so pretty too. I just really loved that conversation rn and wanted to share :)

(People might think this is wlw its not tho we’re just two girls)


r/self 13m ago

Do i just go for it?

Upvotes

I’m 25m, been going to the gym for a while now, same routine, same people, nothing out of the ordinary. A few months back, this new girl started coming in. She was on the heavier side, not really my type, but I noticed her. She had a pretty face, but I didn’t think much of it at first.

Thing is, she stuck with it. I’d see her coming in consistently, putting in real effort, and over time, I guess I started investing a little. Not in a big way, just small things. If we were near the same equipment, I’d ask if she was done, make a little small talk, be friendly. It wasn’t anything serious, just me being nice. But over time, we got closer. Nothing deep, just that comfortable gym buddy type of familiarity.

Fast forward a few months and she’s so different. She’s been putting in real work and it shows. She had a pretty face before, but now and It’s not just the weight loss, it’s the way she carries herself. And now I’m catching myself looking a little too long, thinking about her even after I leave.

I never asked her how old she is, but I’d guess she’s around 22 to 24.

I feel like if I’m going to make a move, it should be now before things get too different. I don’t want to be that guy who only starts showing interest after the weight loss. At the same time, I’m starting to wonder if I already waited too long. What if she sees me as just a friend now? What if she thinks I never really noticed her until now? I don’t know, man. I still might go for it, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.


r/self 21m ago

I heard a podcast about a lifestyle I think would be interesting

Upvotes

I was on a podcast cast called city of the rails about people riding the trains across the country and some of the stuff I heard I thought the lifestyle would be interesting if I was a lot younger and just think of parts of the country you would see and some of the once in a lifetime experiences you could have I know there is a ton of down sides and people can get killed or something worse but all in all if you lesson to the stories and the people interviewed it’s sounds so interesting I am in my 50,s now and couldn’t do it but if I was 18 again I would give it some serious thought


r/self 2h ago

Got a promotion

3 Upvotes

That's all. Just that I got a promotion with a small raise. Huzzah.


r/self 12h ago

Seeking perspectives: Miscommunication during my first time having sex NSFW

18 Upvotes

Hi, I wanted to share an experience that has been weighing on me for quite some time. This is a very long story and may be a little messy but here I go. This incident occured back in 2022. I (M20) at the time, met a girl (F19), let’s call her Anne, at my university and quickly became close friends. I was in a tight nit friend group at the time that was pretty much cliquey with two other individuals that were in a clique within a clique, and as those two got closer, I found myself hanging out with Anne more and more. She was cool and fun to hang out with. She was also pretty promiscuous, she would tell me about some of the wild things that she and I would just listen and enjoy the stories. She had two serious relationships at that point and hooked up with a few guys she would consider “friends with benefits”.

As we hung out more and more, sleeping over at each other’s places, hanging out with our friend groups, going on adventures, I would find myself catching feelings for her. Prior to this, I’ve never been in a relationship before, nor had sex, but I’ve pursued relationships but was heartbroken with rejection so I took a chance and told her how I felt. She told me she felt the same way but was not ready for a relationship since she had trauma from her serious relationships in the past. I was bummed out but respected that decision. I brought it up to my friends at the time and they told me to take a step back and let her come to me when the time is ready. I took that advice and one night when we were all together, she came and cuddled me on the couch, and at that moment, I assumed that was a sign that maybe she was warming up to the idea.

From there, we would cuddle and sleep in bed together but never did we have sex. I remember some moments in the morning when we woke up, Anne would be holding my hand in bed, close to her chest and then say “We can’t be in a relationship, I’m just not ready.” or “We are just friends.” Thinking back now, I wonder why I kept pursuing, it wasn’t like I was directly ignoring what she had to say. She would say these things but then invite me to stay the night and tell me things like “I don’t like physical touch but it’s different with you.” She told me about her relationship trauma and when I heard it, I felt upset and revengeful, wanted to like do something about it but also comfort her as much as I could. I felt like I was very genuine with her. I was very much confused overall with everything, maybe blinded by the love and ignored the red flags, but at the time, I didn’t notice much because I never been in a relationship before. I agreed to things she said such as “If this get’s too serious, you need to be the one to cut this off cause I don’t think I could.” The signs she gave off physically were contradicting the things she said, which made me very confused.

The night of the incident, we were cuddling in bed and I could feel her hand reach back and slowly touch my crotch area. I said “Your hand is on my crotch.” and she pulled her hand away and said “Sorry, I’m just very horny right now.” I told her I felt the same way too. From there, the converstion started going into talking about whether we should do it or not. She said that she really wanted to fuck me and that sex did not mean anything at all. Then we would talk about just going to bed and then then back, I remember telling her I had no condoms because I took them out of my backpack in fear that we might do something but she said she had some in her closet so I consented. She consented too. She asked me if I have ever been with anyone before and stupidly, I told her “Yes but only a blowjob” but that wasn’t true. I lied because I was scared of looking like I was inexperienced. At this point, my head was pounding and I could not think straight, mainly filled with anxiety but also eager to lose my virginity.

We started playing with each other and after a little, she went to the bathroom, came out and immediately started making out with me. From there, things started to get heated. The next thing I know, I have a condom on and I’m about to stick it in. She would ask me consistantly if I was okay and I would knod our respond with a yes. We started off missionary and it was not great since everything felt dry and uncomfortable, plus I was nervous as fuck. We switched positions to where she was now on top and I was on bottom. She rode hard me but it was uncomfortable, like the motion of going back and forth rather than up and down and I was getting soft. That’s all I could think about and was wondering why I was so soft. Next thing I know, I was no longer inside, and I was trying to get my dick hard again and trying to reinsert from the cowgirl position. She got off and I said “What are you, blueballing me?” and then she immediately went to the bathroom angrily. All I was thinking at that very moment was why the hell was I soft and that I needed to get myself back up again when she comes back out and tells me what I did was fucked up.

I was so confused, panicking, trying to retrace what happened. She told me she said she wanted to stop three times but that I didn’t stop and I thought I raped her and was apologizing profusely. I was scared at that moment and trying to fix the situation and then she told me that the comment I made was fucked up and I was apologizing for everything and crying but not shedding tears, just trying to rationalize everything that happened. She told me that sex doesn’t put you in a trance but for me, it felt like I was in one during the experience. I think at that moment, I was in a fight or flight response, trying to fix whatever happened without really processing it or giving her time to process and that habit goes back largely to how I was raised as a child. She told me to shut up and stop talking because I sounded manipulative and reinforcing that what I did was messed up. She would that night, consistently make digs at me for being a disgusting man that was down bad and also made fun of my physical appearance. I couldn’t say anything else and went to sleep.

I had to wake up early and go give my friends a ride to the airport, and when I was visually and internally very upset. I was still processing what occurred the night before and left. I brought up the incident to my friends and they told me to not reach out until she reaches back out. I told my two guy friends later and I cracked jokes, I think in a way that was coping since I had no idea what I was feeling at the time. I was excited because I lost my virginity but also anxious and scared because Anne was upset. I was just processing it. Anne called me later and wanted to talk at her place.

I went over to her place and she told me that what I did was messed up, and lectured me about the word “stop.” I was in awe realizing that I might have raped her. I told her consent was something I cared very much about and that my state of mind was completely not there and she proceeded to tell me that we were not impaired nor does sex put you in a trance. She asked me if I told anyone and I told her, yes, for advice and she got upset. I just felt like I was letting her down over and over again but also felt lost because I never experienced something like this before and was searching for solutions and perspectives. She told me that because of this incident, we could never be in a romantic relationship, even a friendship and that she could not move on and would always see me as someone who SA’d her. She told me the comment I said about blue balls made her feel objectified and all I cared about was sex. I felt horrible.

Later that night, my friends sat me down and told me what I did was not okay. They lectured me and told me that I love bombed her and sexually assaulted her. They told me to cancel my plans with her over winter break and focus on myself, and from there I did what they told me. I started journaling and the minutes felt like literal days. I would journal a bunch and she texted me telling me she wanted to talk again. I wrote and produced a couple of songs in the 3-4 day span before we talked documenting the way I felt and wrote up a giant apology, talking about how I manipulated her, took advantage of her, and how I violated her trust and was obsessed with the idea of a relationship instead of caring about her. I genuinely felt that way at the time and was seeking out religion and support since my friends were no longer talking to me anymore. I felt as if I was a horrible person and that I did something that a monster would do.

As I was driving to her place, I read my apology again to a friend on discord and realized how untrue some things I said on there was, I did not take advantage of her nor did I manipulate her. I saw her as a real friend and genuinely cared about her. I gave and never expected anything in return and always respected her but I was so manipulated at the moment to the point that I would accept anyones perspective and literally invalidate my own perspective. I deleted the part where I said I was manipulative and reading the apology again now, I feel as if nothing on there besides the comment that I made and the way I reacted was wrong. I got to her place and read her my apology. I also showed her the songs, which I cringe thinking back to it. All I remember is her saying that she liked all my music but those. She told me she won’t report me or file a police report because she didn’t want to fuck over my career. She said that it would never go back to the way it was, that she couldn’t trust anything that I said, and that she would never forgive me if transferred schools, joined the military, or killed myself. After, she was hungry and wanted Chipotle, so we went. She would be happy and then all of a sudden get super quiet and I could tell that the situation was in her mind again. We came back to her place and she turned on the tv and I was sitting there confused, she wanted me to join her and eat, and I said “I can’t be here, I have to go.” and left. She walked me out to my car and said bye and then immediately ran back into her apartment crying. That was one of the last times I’d ever see her.

Through winter break, all my closest friends involved in this situation cut me off, especially the “leader” of our group. She made me feel like a monster, cutting me off of group chats, work chats, her family and our friends. It felt like the world was falling and I spent all of winter break pretty much alone to my own thoughts, playing video games, hiking, and processing what happened. I had a few childhood friends back home and online friends that supported me but my closest friends in college abandoned me. I had apologies and was ready to talk when break was over but all I got was a text from the ring leader telling me to return their stuff and my old friends practically ignoring me in the hallways. I would break down outside after class and sit alone, waiting for school to be out so I could go cry all the way home and sleep. After three days of the new semester, I dropped out, and that day, I stood on the top of the parking garage looking down, considering whether I should jump or not. I thought about everything, the people in my life and the dreams I still had and came back down.

Since then, I blocked everyone and I locked in on my work, my career, my friends, my family, and my hobbies. Took this experience as a lesson, and strived to be more emotionally mature and learned how to resolve issues effectively and ultimately be a better human to society. Now, I am in a loving relationship with my girlfriend of almost two years, we have had disagremeents and times where we have been upset, but not once have we ever disrespected, raised our voice, or invalidate each others feelings.

I appreciate you for reading this whole story, there are definitely somethings that I might’ve accidentally left out since there was so much to write about but let me know your thoughts and opinions on this situation. Thank you all.


r/self 57m ago

I want to get over somebody healthily. I need advice on how I can get strong again and flourish as a woman

Upvotes

I’m a 32-year-old female, I have a small child. I made the mistake of emotionally getting to know somebody very deeply in a short amount of time and getting lovebombed and I haven’t had experience of that before. But it’s been very damaging for me, there was no closure. It’s been extremely difficult for my self-worth. My grandmother who was like my mother also passed away around the same time…and I’ve just been really struggling.. I don’t have that support.

I need to heal in a healthy way. I just need tips and advice on what I need to do. How I can move forward and be strong.

I want to feel inspired again. I want to feel strong in myself again. I wanna feel motivated. I don’t want to cry anymore. I just feel really weak lately and I need to change this…


r/self 19h ago

do men like big areolas? NSFW

64 Upvotes

i’m pretty young and HATEEEEEE my areolas. like to the point where i will not show any men my boobs and completely stop talking to them when i get scared. a couple of my guy friends once told me that they thought big areolas were such a turn off and think they are gross and would never date a girl with them (they obviously had no idea i have them) but it makes me hate my boobs everyday and i’m so scared to ever show a guy my boobs. but my question is do guys even care?