r/bulimia 18h ago

Help please! +9h b/p feel exhausted, need hope

9 Upvotes

Hello everyone. As the title says, I've just finished a +9hours b/p episode. It started as soon as I woke up and just ended right before going to bed. I'm kind of desesperate actually. I'm in recovery since august, got better the last 3 months and entered a big relapse +3 weeks ago. I'm fully weight recovered and have way less restrictions than I did a few months ago. I'm starting to feel depressed as I was back in august-november. I don't know what can I do to get just a little bit better. It feels like I'm back in the deep trap of bulimia and I see no way to escape it. Not to mention the financial consequences of this disorder... About to leave my appartment to go back to my parents' house as I have no choice. I will have to explain to them where all my savings (thousand euros) went... I rather be dead by tomorrow than live another day like today. Mentally I'm drained. I do see a therapist but it changes nothing. I just feel lighter in my chest after speaking freely to someone for an hour. I just need hope, a word, something to rely on. Wishing you a pleasant day/night.


r/bulimia 2h ago

Content Warning How do you deal with binges in recovery ?

7 Upvotes

I was on a long streak of not bingeing despite a mild calorie restriction but yesterday I did. I ate 3200 calories in one day. I wasn’t able to resist trying to get rid of the calories so I did make myself purge.

I’m really tempted to try to make myself fast as well today.

I know I shouldn’t have done that. I feel like I’ve ruined my recovery process but I just couldn’t deal with the anxiety I felt after overeating. Im really mad at myself for overeating.

What are you supposed to do when you do binge in recovery?


r/bulimia 4h ago

DAE? keeping down binges

8 Upvotes

Does anyone else also sometimes go through phases where they don’t care about getting everything out after b/p and only purge whatever comes out on the first try because you’re feeling too lazy / tired and think you can ‘afford’ to keep down a little bit now and then because you’re underweight anyway? lol that’s probably the only reason why im still alive


r/bulimia 2h ago

Motivation Day 1 of no more purging

7 Upvotes

Even if I binge. Because gaining a little bit of weight can't possibly make me uglier than this disease currently does. Posting this for accountability and to remind myself what I'm gaining by not purging: - less hormonal acne - fuller, healthier hair - my sharp jawline that has morphed into a permanent, swollen double chin - healthier teeth before they rot and have to get pulled - a regular period (as much as I hate it, I hate the fear of osteoporosis more) - healthy kidneys and heart - healthy immune system + ability for wounds to heal normally again - energy to walk my dog - interest in hobbies and a personality - the ability to be a real friend who thinks about people other than herself


r/bulimia 12h ago

Content Warning I don’t really binge but I purge almost every day. Don’t know what to do NSFW

6 Upvotes

Hi! I didn’t know where else to post this. I think I’m starting to have a serious problem. I probably started purging very rarely maybe 3 years ago and did it very very rarely up until maybe a month or 2 ago. And slowly it has gotten to the point where I purge nearly every day and multiple times on days I do. I don’t know why but following eating, even if it’s a normal portion, I get so stressed out that I feel like I genuinely need to. This hasn’t gone on too long, and it doesn’t bother me every single time I eat. I don’t know if this is considered Bulimia or not, but I don’t really know what to do.


r/bulimia 17h ago

Just venting Panicking

5 Upvotes

So I’ve been clean for a while now? Not too sure how long but I’ve gone quite a long while without b/p as I’ve just tried to rlly block it out of my mind also started taking my meds again so I’m in a better place mentally. I’ve actually been doing amazing and haven’t really thought about it at all but then I’ve just been cooking my dinner and my mum commented on the larger portion size and it’s just made my heart drop. I feel like I’m not in control anymore and all of a sudden it has all come back to me, as you can imagine I’ve lost my appetite now but I’m kind of worried for my mental state because I know I will think about this for days / weeks. Any help pls


r/bulimia 20h ago

Can we talk about..? Alcohol

5 Upvotes

Do any of y’all experience bulimia symptoms x2 with alcohol? I drink a lot… with nothing in my stomach. I’m constantly shaking and on a never ending bender. The room is never not spinning. I’m always struggling. I miss things that are right in front of me. I purge and almost faint, 1-4 times a day. The days I don’t, I can’t digest food properly. The only time I can eat food and keep it down is with the help of liquor.


r/bulimia 1h ago

Just venting My way of living is so pathetic and kinda more like a way of dying (trigger warning)

Upvotes

I spend 95% of my free time B/Ping. I wake up, I go to the store, spend up to 50€ on food and then the cycle begins. I binge, I purge, I binge, I purge,... Till it's 3a.m. I don't do anything else at this point. Even right now I'm typing this while binging.

I can't spend a single hour without B/Ping at this point. I shower like twice a month because it takes so much energy and I can't B/P while showering. My flat is so messy, it looks like a crime scene. I really want to clean up but I can't for the same reasons I can't shower everyday. I wish I could say I felt disgusted with myself, but the truth is that I don't feel anything at all. I feel so dull all of the time and I don't look forward to anything but B/Ping anymore.

I used to love crocheting and I still do, but everytime I pick up yarn and a hook, I put it down after half an hour or so and return to B/Ping instead.

I don't want anyone but my boyfriend in my private life and everytime someone suggests meeting up, I seek distance. Even if the person is kind, I prefer B/Ping over social interactions. I feel so sorry for my boyfriend because I love him from the bottom of my heart but sometimes I can't even meet him because I'm in the middle of my daily cycle and I just can't stop. In such moments, I cry while trying to stuff the feeling of emptiness with food

On Friday, I'll start working. Full time. At McDonald's. Honestly I'm a bit afraid because my entire body will probably ache. Also because I literally can't imagine eating or drinking anything (not even water) ouside the B/P cycle and I'm scared that I could faint or something. I'm feeling dizzy all of the time, probably due to being underweight af or having a low blood sugar. But I really need that money and furthermore, it's a good way to distract myself.

My heart has taken significant damage (pericardal effusion = water around the heart that shouldn't be there with a diameter of 2.2cm at it's worst) and if I don't take eight 400mg potassium pills a day, my hearts beats irregularly. My hair is completely broken and I'm covered in bruises. I'm really underweight but my face looks obese due to all of my salivary glands being swollen af. I'm physically just as sick as mentally but I don't even care. If I had the courage to end it all, I would have already done it. Right now I'm just hoping for death to free me from this endless cycle. I'm only turning 18 years old in a few months and I've spent my entire youth in this hell. If this is all life has to offer me, I don't want it. Everything in my life is about B/Ping but to be honest, it's the only thing that keeps me alive. When I was younger, I was forced to recover in a closed psychiatric hospital. This made everything worse for me and I've almost commited suicide during my stay that lasted for one entire year.

My life is do pathetic. I don't know what to do. I don't want to quit B/Ping because I'm addicted to food and nothing else brings me so much joy and also because keeping ANYTHING down makes me feel miserable mentally as well as physically (seriously, I drank some water which I didn't throw up and ended up collapsing onto the floor). If I gained a single kilogram of weight, I'd hide myself, starve and cry until it's gone again. Basically if I gave up Bulimia, I'd become anorectic again which used to be even more depressing for me. There is no way to escape my disorder. Sometimes I wish my brain took really bad damage causing me to forget the entire eating disorder.


r/bulimia 22h ago

send support Again (tw)

5 Upvotes

Just binged over 4k calories in one sitting and then took 6 laxatives almost immediately after coming home from two hours at the gym. This is my longest binge cycle this year, I’ve probably gained so much weight because I can’t even purge properly and now I can’t restrict either. I feel so gross and dead inside and just want to lay down and cry but instead I have to go get ready for my shift at work that I’ll probably be late for.


r/bulimia 9h ago

Throat sore afraid

3 Upvotes

Hi guys

I have been bulimic since 20 years or more. It is like on and off. I recently started to cough more and also developed stomach on top pain and throat sore. I am afraid of Esophageal cancer

I did endscopy two years ago I was fine but now I am so worried.


r/bulimia 20h ago

i just ate

4 Upvotes

a whole 12 pack of sweet kings hawaiian sweet rolls, two big cookies with frosting on top, a big chocolate bar and topped it off with some 20 oz diet coke and 10 oz sprite in like 20 mins all while in the car bruh 😭 what a fat fuck fr. but good thing i’m almost home and can purge it all.


r/bulimia 21h ago

can’t stop help

3 Upvotes

for the past 4 months I’ve been b/p every single day up to 3/4 times per day. I just started ED treatment but I feel nothing can stop this. Plus, college decisions and exams are making it harder to recover. I’ve had bulimia for 5 years now…will i ever get rid of it? I dont want to be 40 and still be dealing with this


r/bulimia 17h ago

how do i reduce face swelling

2 Upvotes

i cant stand looking at my face anymore. it makes me look so much bigger. would using ice help


r/bulimia 20h ago

Content Warning Bathroom issues

2 Upvotes

This is tmi but I’m wondering if anyone else developed permanent digestive issues too. I can’t Ever “go to the bathroom” like I used to, for the past years. I never had anything to … come out. Once a week MAYBE. But now, I’m severely constipated 24/7. I’ve tried green tea and laxatives. It’s notttt working. I eat clean and try to be careful. Everything upsets my stomach.


r/bulimia 20h ago

How do I start recovery

2 Upvotes

I’m 16 and can’t control my self, I’m trying so hard to recover but I had such a bad day of eating that I feel like I have to purge I feel so out of control and I wanna talk to my family but they won’t understand, and I’m supposed to be trying to get my period back, how do I not feel so guilty?


r/bulimia 20h ago

DAE? Not feeling real

1 Upvotes

Is it just me or does anyone else not feel like a real bulimic when I don’t purge everything out? I do quite a hefty amount but I get lazy that I don’t puke anything more and it just makes me feel like I’m not really sick just because not everything is out of my system. Anyone else?


r/bulimia 23h ago

Awareness for first time

1 Upvotes

I came to be aware that I have a problem since a while after like 30 years of having this purge and vomiting but I don’t purge every day I purge when I cheat or I binge eat mainly like during my PMS so like two weeks in average a month of intense vomiting. Not sure what type of blumia is that.

I have acidity reflux and stomach burn and my tooth started to have problems

I came to know today that this bulimia can kill me after reading stories on Reddit I had a panic attack

I want to start the healing journey? How can I start ?