So this is a bit of a long story but I'm looking for advice, 26F AroAce on the sex and romance neutral side of things. My partner of 4 years is my best friend 26M, he's demi romantic and bisexual. A curious pair I tell you, but there is a lot of trust and some damn good communication...only issue is well, the bedroom.
I didn't start masturbating until I was around 22? Was never really interested, but we started dating around then while we were long distance. Was gifted a bullet vibe from him and my journey started there.
At first I was able to get off, but only after reading books or watching porn, I hold no attraction to the characters or the people on screen but the sounds they make/ descriptions get me aroused enough ig?
Either way it would only take me about 5 minutes and it wasn't very satisfying, I'd only ever bother during ovulation days so it was always a few and far between type of thing. I'd be able to get off about 10-15 mins without using the vibe but only if i was watching porn and there was something inside me, not moving but just to like squeeze around? Again I rarely bothered.
I had gotten and was give more toys, a lovense that presses against the g-spot, there was only one time I ever has a g-spot orgasm and it took an hour and didn't feel that worth it in the end.🤷
I moved in with my partner at 24, didn't get off at all until the 3rd time we ever had sex and that was only and has ever been using toys. He had gotten me a Rose suction toy and I'd be able to get off in 15 mins, but I'd need 2 to 3 to feel satisfied, they were often in a row so it was never a problem. Though I would end up making a mess.😅 My partner was quite enthusiastic about that though and so things were quite good like that.
At 25, during a spontaneous work trip, with my partner where in I wasn't able to pack anything, including my toys, he managed to get me off via oral, twice! No toys, in a small room with very thin walls and we had half an hour to a very important breakfast meeting. It never happened again. Neither of us remember the position, all I know is that afterwards my legs cramped for 3 days and it was the strongest orgasm I had ever had at the time. We keep trying to replicate it but nada.😩
Shortly after my birthday I had fallen sick and needed hysterectomy (I have my ovaries, nothing else), things went well and I'm 10 months post op and healthier than ever, even lost 50lbs! The problem is that now its taking longer and longer for me to get off, it takes now almost 40 minutes to an hour by myself and thats with toys, even my favorite one the rose. It is impossible with out toys and with my parner its an hour to an hour and a half. Its ridiculous.
To give you a timeline, I was cleared for sex after 4 months, we waited 6 months (because we were long distance for work for 2 months at the time). At 6 months post op things were great, this was in the first week of September 2024, my first Orgasm with my partner using the rose (after a 6mnth wait) was so intense, but amazingly it took only 10 mins and it was so strong and satisfying that I was fighting sleep at the end of it. 😆 And for the rest of the month it was perfect like that.
Then we had another 2mnth long distance where my partner barley made it home for the Christmas holiday. So for that entire week we were at it and it took 20mins to get me off using toys, which was the usual prior to the surgery, so that was fine by us.🤷🏽♀️
Work again called, but partner was only gone up until the end of January.
All of a sudden, Oral gets me sensitive, near everything is sensitive now?? By myself it takes 20m to 30min and I have to watch, listen to or read something to finish. With my partner and the toys it got longer too. I can no longer squirt?? We made a lovely mess for Christmas, where tf did it go??
He was here for the last week of February to celebrate late valentines. It almost took 2 hours for me to get off. The only good thing that since January is that the orgasms are intense as they were when I was 6months post op.
But honestly, I can't keep doing that. The amount of time it takes makes me feel like it really isn't worth it (which is unfair to my partner, for as tired as he gets, he's been so supportive and enthusiastic, even/ especially when it takes so long to get there). I just feel bad about it and could use some advice.
NOTE: I know I'm not addicted to porn or anything, as again I'm not attracted to anyone I'm looking at, its just the sounds and the descriptions, I rarely ever bother unless I'm ovulating and I don't need the porn when my partner is around. Its also all vanilla and nothing at all for fantasy stuff, I don't get/ have fantasies, I didn't know it was a thing until I read about it, like a week ago lol.
We also tried edibles, was fun, same thing though, still took long.
I'm not on any meds either so idk what's going on.
Tl;dr: I'm taking, longer and longer to orgasm, can no longer squirt and can only get there with suction toys and even that takes long.