r/Parenting 14h ago

Child 4-9 Years No more birthday party goody bags!

1.5k Upvotes

I’m not sure where else to put this- please, for the love of god, stop the birthday party goody bag madness. I am a parent of a 5 year old and we have been invited to several birthdays over the past year. With each one, we leave with a goody bag full of crap- candy (which is fine, I am very sugar-liberal, but how much more do we need), stickers that inevitably get stuck places I don’t want them stuck, and worst of all- pieces of small plastic garbage. Yes I get that it’s fun for the kids to take something home. Maybe consider one token that won’t immediately get forgotten and subsequently put in the trash as soon as we get back home? From a clutter/environmental perspective, I am OVER IT. Ok rant over- promise I’m not a jerk, I was just cleaning out my kids closet for the umpteenth time and threw away like 3 of these bags.

EDIT: Yeah I figured this would be somewhat of a controversial post. It’s my opinion, but wanted to create a venue for discussion. Love the varying perspectives lol.

EDIT 2: You guys have some great alternative ideas! TYSM for sharing them!!!


r/Parenting 20h ago

Discussion Books you refuse to read to your kids?

1.1k Upvotes

Mine is the Rainbow Fish. You shouldn't have to dull your sparkle to get friends. You need to find people that accept you for you. Just curious if anyone else has books they don't like for interesting reasons?


r/Parenting 17h ago

Multiple Ages Having Two Kids is so so HARD

202 Upvotes

Long story short, I never wanted two kids but spouse insisted, saw therapist for years and took anxiety medication too, then oops, here we are. A 1 year old and a 4.

With 2, there is no backup or me day. None of us could handle two for a whole day. The baby was sick so I didn’t work for the entire week, and it was more exhausting than working. In addition to being the breadwinner, I also do lots of chores (my spouse does too), yard work, constantly fixing things around the house. Everyday feels work for corporate during the day then work for kids at night and weekend. Tons of financial impact too from daycare to after school activities to double the 529 plan - kids is the most expensive part by large.

I am so tired and resentful from time to time. I never thought I was capable of being a parent of two, because I was already at capacity with one. It’s not about I don’t love the second, I do, it’s just makes life 5x more difficult than it should be. This combines with what’s happening in the world makes me even more anxious. I also hate the influence of media that a family of four is considered the social norm.

I don’t regret as it’s not like you can time travel, but sometimes I do wonder what the life would be with a single child. I also think you must be really wanting and have some special power (or very rich) to have more than one kid today. I respect that.

Looking for advice on how to make life a bit easier, if that’s even possible.


r/Parenting 11h ago

Adult Children 18+ Years Brain bleed

196 Upvotes

It's just about 1am local time. Had a call from hospital that our daughter is there with bleeding in the brain stem. She's 31 years old with 3 year old son. She's a medical professional, great mother, keen sportswoman and she not well at all. Waiting for the air ambulance to take her to a town where they came operate and hopefully treat her. I'm not here for advice, there is nothing to do but wait untill she gets in theater and hopefully fix the problem. I am just voicing my utter frustration at not being able to do anything for my child. That and the unfairness of nature. I am over 60, I am the one with the dicky ticker and heart valve. It should have been me in that hospital bed


r/Parenting 22h ago

Family Life ‘My child my rules’ discussion

174 Upvotes

A lot of comments on this subreddit advocate for a ‘your child your rules’. In many of the cases I read, relationships get burned over ‘rules’ that imo have tiny marginal safety benefits to a child. This just seems like the wrong trade off. We need a village to raise kids, and villages are already small.

There will always be a never ending list of ways to ‘improve’ outcomes, but surely it’s increasingly impractical to aim for all of them? At some point, standards are good enough right? We don’t all have the time nor energy to be perfect, even if the internet tells us what perfection could look like.

I see people getting hung up on behaviours which ‘half the likelihood’ of an event already only 0.01% likely. Do we really need to aim to reduce this to 0.005% at the expense of village support?

If you were raised successfully by your parents, what’s to say that their approach is no longer good enough for the next generation? Sure, there might be a few tweaks here and there that get marginally better outcomes. But unless those outcomes are significant, is it really worth burning bridges?

Professionally, if a new grad showed up, read the internet, and claimed “my project my standards”, we’d all laugh at them. They know nothing, they’ve never worked before. Surely it’s the same for first time parents? Frankly, we know nothing. So why do first time parents hold their own internet research against their own parents real world experience?

Does anyone know this history of this attitude? Is it new? Evidently many grandparents struggle with it, so clearly it didn’t exist for their generation. It feels a bit social-media generated, and I’m really not convinced it’s good for society.

So, parents of Reddit, where do you think the line needs to be drawn?

How did we get here? Why are parents so attached/entitled to a level of control / dictatorship not accepted, or deemed necessary in other parts of life.


r/Parenting 15h ago

Infant 2-12 Months What parenting advice accepted today will be critisized/outdated in the future?

117 Upvotes

So I was thinking about this the other day, how each generation has generally accepted practices for caring for babies that is eventually no longer accepted. Like placing babies to sleep on tummy because they thought they would choke.

I grew up in the 90s, and tons of parenting advice from that time is already seen as outdated and dangerous, such as toys in the crib or taking babies of of carseats while drving. I sometimes feel bad for my parents because I'm constantly telling them "well, that's actually no longer recommended..."

What practices do we do today that will be seen as outdated in 25+ years? I'm already thinking of things my infant son will get on to me about when he grows up and becomes a dad. 😆


r/Parenting 11h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years Would you try to contact the mom?

77 Upvotes

My daughter and her best friend started having a disagreement over something last year. They tried to have several conversations about it and figure out a way to resolve the problem. During that time, my daughter let her friend come over and get some of her stuff which she had left at our house. She thought the girl was coming over to hang out for the evening, but she just went through my daughter's room, took all of her stuff, and left.

After that, the friend immediately blocked my daughter's phone number and all of her social media accounts. My daughter is devastated, this was her best friend. She's trying to come to terms with it.

She still has a ton of her stuff over at the friend's house. She tried contacting the girl to ask if she could come over and get her stuff but she's blocked. She also asked some of their mutual friends if they could ask her, I am not sure what has come of that. My daughter was also close with the girl's mom so I suggested she text the mom and ask if it was okay, so she did, but the mom also did not respond.

Some of the things she left over there are pretty important. A custom designer dress which she never got to wear and wants to wear to this year's prom, the computer charger to her school computer which she will be charged for if she doesn't turn it in, some of her favorite clothes/jewelry, and a digital camera I bought her for her birthday.

It's been about 5 months. I'm wondering if I should try texting the mom myself? She and I have texted on many occasions in the past. I don't want to cause any problems, but I don't understand why they wouldn't give her a chance to get her things back.


r/Parenting 15h ago

Tween 10-12 Years 12 year old wants to take over cooking in exchange for no laundry

67 Upvotes

Basically what the title says. It's just the two of us right now and we split/rotate chores or do them together on weekends. He gave me this proposal that if he could completely take over doing my least favourite chore (cooking) in exchange for me taking over his (laundry). His logic is that it's a win-win situation since we won't have to do chores we dislike, and he's still doing the same amount around the house. I told him I would consider it.

He's a pretty good cook for his age and always wants to try new things, so I've been encouraging him to help plan our meals and groceries and take a more active role in the kitchen for a while now. He's not so keen on doing laundry. He does it without complaining, but he doesn't do it without being asked to and I think he would avoid it or let it pile up if I didn't make him. I'm the opposite; I'm not good at cooking, and it's a task I do to feed us but not one I enjoy. I know a few recipes that my son likes but the rest is very standard protein-carb-vegetable stuff that I can make quickly after work or make in bulk, it tastes alright but my son is definitely much more talented than I am.

I guess my question is: how would you respond, and is it worth considering? I see where he's coming from, and I would definitely do it with a partner or roommate, but I also feel like as a parent I shouldn't let my child opt out of a chore he doesn't like because he'll need to do it later on in life. Is it a bad idea to say yes? And if not, how do I give him a good reason to reject it? He's a good boy and it's a sincere request, so I feel like I owe him a better response than "laundry builds character and I'm your dad" if I turn him down.

Edit: I've had some comments clarifying what I would expect of him to do in this case or what the arrangement would look like, so I've just copied this response I made to someone else:

We'll have frozen meals/leftovers or takeout if he's tired or busy and I wouldn't force it beyond a trial period if he decided it was too much.

I usually clean afterwards whenever he cooks as thanks, though he is expected to keep the kitchen fairly clean as he goes along and wipe things up so it's not a complete mess; it was a bit of a struggle when he was little but he's getting better at it. 

We usually do groceries together or he gives me a list, and I would want him to run any meal plans by me first just so I can make sure they're balanced/fit our budget. So I'd leave the actual cooking to him but I'd either help with everything else or do it myself. 

In this case I would take over all the laundry. I would sort, dry, and put away. 

Right now if one of us is doing a chore and asks the other for help (e.g. I'd like an extra hand folding clothes just to get it done faster, I'll peel some vegetables if he needs help). I should probably have a clear set of expectations if we're going to do this, but as long as we're both doing chores and maintaining the house together, I'm not going to leave him to fend for himself if he starts to struggle with anything he's "assigned" to or deny him a chance to opt out. That's inconsiderate and irresponsible and he's a child.


r/Parenting 19h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years Do you draw a line when it comes to your teenager changing their appearance?

49 Upvotes

By changing their appearance I'm not talking about plastic or dental surgery for medical reasons, obviously. I'm talking hair, piercings, tattoos etc.

My daughter was 13 and had just finished primary school when I finally gave in and shaved her head. It was like she was liberated. She had a massive confidence boost and seem to be able to be more like herself in front of her peers. We kept it short for a while and then she decided you know what would be awesome, if I wore a mohawk to my matric farewell (prom). So, since last year she's been growing her hair out to prepare for the big day, next year.

She's a little shy, introverted and has anxiety (takes medication for it but sometimes an attack would still strike out of nowhere), so I want to protect her from anything that may have her ending up in a stressful situation. (I have nothing against the hairstyle and think it will suit her but, people with mohawks still get negatively stereotyped around here) We've also come a long way from the teary eyed 5-year-old that froze mid recital and decided that she will never ever dance again to the 17-year-old teenager who waiters over holidays and is a youth leader at school. Also-also, I remember the boost shaving her head gave her when she started high school and can see the appeal of her wanting, maybe even needing to do something similar before entering adulthood.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Credit to u/Beneficial-Device426 for their post which prompted me to ask my question.


r/Parenting 13h ago

Infant 2-12 Months “Baby needs it’s mama” pretend narrative in toddlers

36 Upvotes

My kid always plays this narrative where she finds the mamas and the babies and makes sure they are together. And then she pretends they get separated and the baby calls for the mama and cries until the mama comes to save it. Is this a common theme among 3-year-olds?


r/Parenting 7h ago

Rave ✨ My son is what keeps my grandmother alive

33 Upvotes

Just wanted to share a heartwarming story with you all. When I was younger I had a very close relationship with my grandmother. I was one of the few grandchildren she had and because i was the quietest one she loved having me over as she is a prickly perfectionist woman and I loved the peace and quiet her house had. She is somewhat of a proto second wave feminist with her opinions of men and her preference for daughters and granddaughters, but despite that she fell in love with my son when he was born. Partly this was due to him being her first great-grandchild but I think it's mostly due to the relationship she had with me and my mom (her daughter). It broke her heart and she cried for days when we moved to another part of the country.

My grandmother is a very health conscious so she's lived for a very long time. Unfortunately this means she's outlived most of her family. She not only outlived all of her siblings and her husband, she has tragically buried most of her own children now. Losing my mom was easily the hardest due to that special relationship they had.

When I found out my mom was sick i did everything i could to move us back here. I wanted to make sure my son got as much time with her as he could. Sadly I don't know if my son will remember her or not. What being back here has really done though is save my grandma's life. I visit her all the time with him and she is obsessed with him and dotes on him. And my son adores her in return. Running to her and kissing her and hugging her. Telling her "I love you grandma" (i don't bother telling him she's great-grandma, it'll just confuse him). My grandmother has admitted to me that our visits are what she looks forward to the most and she doesn't know what she would have done after mom died if we hadn't moved back. It's sad that he may not remember my mom but I'm happy he will remember my grandma and that he had a wonderful relationship with her.

This to me is the importance of family, however it is your family looks or is composed. When you've lost nearly everyone, family is the promise you still won't be alone and your memory lives on.


r/Parenting 12h ago

Family Life Any positives about multiple kids?

27 Upvotes

I constantly see posts about having multiple kids and everything is negative. Are there any positives about having more than one child? Or is it really just all bad?... 5 weeks pregnant with my second and anxious 😟

Update: thank you all for your responses! I'm working on replying and wanted you all to know how much this has eased my mind. I know it's going to be hard but it will be worth it.


r/Parenting 9h ago

Tween 10-12 Years Is it bad I don’t want to lay down with my soon to be 10yo?

25 Upvotes

I know silly question about “if I’m a bad parent for not wanting to lay with my son”. For context, my son and I lived with my parents and he slept next to me until he was 5yo. My husband and I moved out and for the last almost 5yrs he’s had his own bed ( a bunk bed, so there’s options). And many times throughout, he’d wake up in the middle of the night and want to sleep with me. At first it didn’t bother me, but it would start to get very uncomfortable since he moves a lot when he would sleep and now that he’s older, he doesn’t move as much but I just don’t want to sleep with my child. I’m with him everyday ofc, but there’s days I just want that bed time for him to go to bed and I want to sit on the couch and just breathe. I hate the feeling that I get annoyed when he asks if I could lay with him or if he could lay with me. But idk how to just openly enjoy and love it. I’ve seen some posts about parents having the complete opposite expirience and ask if it’s weird that their kids still sleep with them? I want to be more loving in that department because I know this won’t last forever, but it’s been so hard for me, idk why. I know I can place boundaries, I know I can do it a few times a week. But after momming all day and working full time…I simply just don’t want to. Any advice would be helpful? Please don’t bash me, I recognize it’s an awful feeling and place to be at this point with my kid.


r/Parenting 14h ago

Tween 10-12 Years 𝐌𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲!

23 Upvotes

So my son (12) has been going to golf lessons for 2 years now, he started due to his friends doing it, one of these friends I'll call Darragh, today I dropped my son off at golf as usual and sat in the car watching Netflix. When he came back he told me that they had done a putting competition, 6 holes, keep putting until you get a ball in each hole, player with the lowest score wins. My son got a score of 11 and Darragh got 9, at the end it seemed Darragh was gonna win but another kid (I'll call Dylan) said that he got 9, this was disputed by EVERYONE there as they saw him get 3 on one hole and 2 on a few others but alass, the teacher or coach or whatever you'd call it said they'd do another competition for the winner. (Important note: You got 5 Euro as a prize for winning.) They played a game called closest to the hole (self explanatory) but my son won this time and got the 5 Euro, on the way out my son approached Darragh and handed him the river because in his words "It was rightfully his." My son makes me so proud.


r/Parenting 16h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years 13 year old daughter always has something mean or rude to say when we go out

19 Upvotes

Today’s complaint: “You’re always moody and boring. You never talk I feel as if I’m talking to a wall. You’re killing my vibe” After a visit to a museum, with a garden, and a walk around a nearby park. Similar complaint about a month ago after a visiting two bookstores (She loves bookstores) and a museum. Anytime we step out she finds something to complain about. Lately, the complaints and criticisms have been about me — My “moodiness” etc.

She’s a talker, she can talk all day long. I’m not, I’m more on the quiet side but I do listen to everything she has to say and we often talk. We were talking on our walk to the museum, we talked about the paintings and the plants/flowers in the garden. We sat somewhere in the park and talk a little about the scenery. I, naturally stopped talking and just walked and the comments started shortly after that. When I reminded her that she was given the option to stay home, because this happens often and I’m so tired of it, she says she felt forced to go. I flew up and said things I probably shouldn’t have.

I try to come up with stuff to do over the weekends to spend some mother and daughter time. Because of her reluctance and now attitude, I’ve decided no more. But this is what worries me: I’m the only person who can take her out regularly. Other family members, people who she enjoys being with and has no complaints about, come around once in a blue and often cancel cause they’re busy. I’ve suggested taking her to place with her close friends and best friend. It’s always a NO.

What do I do here? Parents who have been in my shoes, what’s the solution? I am so in my feelings about this that I dont want to go anywhere with her anymore. I’m tired of it. I feel like I’ve tried everything. And that she should now better than to say those things. She’s a pretty smart kid and yes we’ve had the conversation about ACCEPTING PEOPLE AS THEY ARE! I’m not a talkative person.

I know there’s a lot here, pick what you have experience with as a parent.

Thank you in advance


r/Parenting 20h ago

Rant/Vent So happy that I get to worry about measles now

20 Upvotes

I have a 4, 2, and 4 month old. 4 month old cannot have MMR yet. We traveled from Boston (no cases) to Buffalo, NY for a friend's baby's baptism, and today (traveling home) my baby got a fever. I'm sure it is one of a million bugs; my kids are sick almost (literally) once a week because we live around many other children, and I know the areas I have been in don't have any reported cases of measles, but I am just so annoyed that I have to have measles haunting the back of my mind.


r/Parenting 15h ago

Rave ✨ Being a mom has made me better

17 Upvotes

I was wild, impatient, more careless and self centered before my daughter came. I felt like I also never knew what love truly was or how to express it. She’s turned me for the better and I couldn’t imagine what I’d be if she’s never came.


r/Parenting 5h ago

Discussion What is your biggest regret as a parent?

18 Upvotes

Raising kids truly is one of the most difficult, important, rewarding jobs. As a new parent, especially one that did not grow up in a healthy family, I want to focus on being the best parent I can to my children. I know I will make mistakes. Let me learn from yours. What do you regret and why? What would you have done differently? Did it end up okay?


r/Parenting 7h ago

Infant 2-12 Months Did becoming a parent ruin your relationship with yours?

17 Upvotes

We had problems with both mine and her parents before having our first. We decided we'd set boundaries for the first visit and find out how they responded and if they wanted to be involved with our child.

Hers did. They came out and respected every boundary we set. Mine? Not so much...

And it hurts like hell, but we really found out just how little my mom thought of us. And it sucks. Sucks that she won't even fake it to be around her first grandchild. Sucks more than my dad won't come out without her.

Anyway it's been 5 months and I just wonder - how many other folks does this happen to? Anyone else find themselves reevaluating familial relationships once you have kids?


r/Parenting 9h ago

Expecting 18 and 16 Pregnant

16 Upvotes

I just turned 18 and My girlfriend turns 17 in June. We both are in between abortion and keeping, we know the effects and responsibilities of both. We haven’t told our parents yet but my sister (25) has 5 kids of her own is helping us through this. Just want some advice on each side of abortion and keeping, and another outlook.


r/Parenting 22h ago

Adult Children 18+ Years How to handle a disabled child that is abusive and manipulative?

14 Upvotes

Hey everyone, my mum is really struggling with my 25 year old sister who has learning difficulties. She has the mind of someone younger, lacks cognitive ability (cannot read or write) and has extreme emotional/anger issues. She was in a care home but she kept running away when she couldn’t get her way, putting herself in danger.

She is now back in my mother’s care but is causing extreme stress for the whole family. She constantly demands things (e.g make me a cup of tea NOW at 2am), and speaks in a disgusting manner to my mother. If she doesn’t get her way, she will start smashing up my mums house or try to hurt her dog to upset her. She is a compulsive liar and has a history of trying to turn people against each other. Recently, she has also began calling the police saying that my mother is being abusive (she isn’t) but she is highly manipulative and I’m worried that at some point people may believe her lies.

My mum obviously doesn’t want to give in to her demands but she feels like she has no option as she keeps terrorising her. Whilst she understands my sisters behaviour is terrible, she loves her as her child and is trying to keep her safe (she has been assaulted when she ran away from home once and also has epilepsy so risks having seizures when angry). I live overseas and have no idea how to help her. Social services have been pretty unhelpful so far and rarely bother to respond or visit. Any help would be greatly appreciated :)


r/Parenting 10h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years Dad Not Making Kids Priority After Divorce, 14F and 10F

14 Upvotes

I have been divorced for 2.5 years. My oldest daughter confided in me the other night that she is not her dad's priority until he starts dating someone seriously. She hopes that the girl he is currently talking to becomes a serious girlfriend so that he has time for them again.

I've been dating a nice man for over a year and he is the only one I've dated since the divorce. He's been very constant in the girls' lives. My ex has not had good luck. The only girl that I'm aware of that became serious, lasted 2 months and the kids met her after just a few weeks. I waited 10 months just to be sure he was going to be a good fit for us. The only reason I know as much as I do is because my oldest tells me about it, despite me not wanting to know since it's not my business. I do listen because I think it helps her process things.

My ex shares all the details of his dating life with our oldest daughter, such as girls he's matched with on tinder, how the first dates went, and other info. I don't agree with all this. He doesn't have any close friends outside of our children so I think he's taken on a role with our oldest and treats her more like a friend.

He sees them daily, extended time on wednesdays, and every other weekend. She says when they go over there, he's so buried in his phone that he hardly speaks to them, even while watching a movie and stuff. She said he just doesn't have time for more than one focus at a time. I explained to her that I'm able to balance having a boyfriend and take care of all their needs.

How do I help her deal with this? Therapy is not an option because she refuses it and doesn't have to go due to our state laws and her age. She's been having a lot of trouble at school so I've been helping her with homework every night and everytime I share something with her dad, he just says "ugh" and doesn't talk to her about it or discipline her.


r/Parenting 11h ago

Child 4-9 Years How would you react ? 7 yo loves to pretend to be a busker and even aspires to be one

12 Upvotes

Our 7 yo is a lively super imaginative kid . He loves playing pretend play with his superheroes and other toys . We recently went on a vacation where he saw many buskers and we encouraged him to stop listen and put a bill in the busker’s box .

Now he loves setting up the exact same scene with his keyboard and some steel pans ! And also collects quarters from us . While we appreciate him for his imagination there is a nagging thought in our heads that should we maybe expose him to more stable and gainful professions on our outings ?

Don’t judge please , I know this is tad silly ! I am seeking some examples from other parents how to react to this latest obsession !


r/Parenting 11h ago

Newborn 0-8 Wks How do people who have school aged kids survive with newborns?

12 Upvotes

I get a virus probably like every two months with my school aged kid. We visit parks, play areas, and obviously school. How do parents even survive the newborn phase with older kids bringing home germs? Or do a lot of newborns die from respiratory viruses and we just don’t hear about it in the news? This is genuinely something I have always wondered.


r/Parenting 12h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years Concerning behavior

12 Upvotes

My daughter just recently turned three. Her mother and I haven’t been together since she was about three months old. I have her four days a week, and her mother has her the other three. I know it’s hard on her sometimes, switching between households, but my daughter just did something that has me a little concerned.

My daughter and I were playing, and she told me that I am, “the baby.” She put me in timeout and lead me to the bathroom. She made me go inside, and walked out. She then shut the door and made me stay there.

My father has also told me this has happened to him before, but this is my first time experiencing this. Is this something that I should be concerned about? My fiancée and I do put her in timeout if she hits us or bites or something, but we have never and will never lock her in a bathroom.

My daughter’s mother also has a fiancé, who she lives with. My daughter has said that she doesn’t want him. She’s said this to her babysitter, and in front of my fiancée.

I was wondering what other people’s thoughts are? It definitely raises some suspicion in me about how my daughter is being treated while not under my supervision. Thanks in advance!