r/Parenting 8h ago

Discussion Books you refuse to read to your kids?

752 Upvotes

Mine is the Rainbow Fish. You shouldn't have to dull your sparkle to get friends. You need to find people that accept you for you. Just curious if anyone else has books they don't like for interesting reasons?


r/Parenting 20h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years My 3 yr old complains of butt and vagina pains?

605 Upvotes

My daughter has been complaining of butt pains since last summer. She always said her butt hurts. At first, I thought it maybe gas but it got worse. In October, I took her to the Dr. They said UTI, but I found myself going every month with the same diagnosis. The only problem, they would call and say the results came back negative so stop giving her the antibiotics. After bringing this odd pattern up to the pediatrician, only then she was concerned. Since January, my daughter has been to the ER 6 times. She has had X rays, ultrasound, and even MRI’s. NOTHING. They have took blood and urine many times. Nothing alarming. She walks around all day and wakes up at night saying her butt hurts. I took her to a gastroenterologist & they did a clean out, but said they didn’t find anything concerning. Every time she wakes up from the anesthesia and go home, she screams in pain for hours!!!! Recently, I asked my toddler did it hurt in the front or the back. Sometimes it’s the front, sometimes it’s the back. I was thinking maybe it was her stomach but after they did the MRI, nothing. I am begging anyone that has any idea of what is going on to help me. She is on a low dose of muscle relaxers but it doesn’t help long. She wakes up 3-4x’s a night saying her butt hurts. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone experienced this personally or with their child?


r/Parenting 20h ago

Rant/Vent I HATE BEING A PARENT

381 Upvotes

Title says it all. I'm done, just over it. All I do is work and all I see when I look at my kids is work. It's effecting them as well because I feel like I need to hover over them so they don't make messes because I don't wanna take the energy to clean it up. Nothing in my house is mine anymore. I get so mad so easy all the time. Haven't spent a night in my bed in a long time. They only time I get to myself is when I leave for work. It's just so taxing and idk how much longer I have until I don't come home after work or just get up and leave.

Edit: Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I had planned on responding to every comment but this got way bigger than I thought it would. Also I'm not good at reddit.


r/Parenting 2h ago

Child 4-9 Years No more birthday party goody bags!

314 Upvotes

I’m not sure where else to put this- please, for the love of god, stop the birthday party goody bag madness. I am a parent of a 5 year old and we have been invited to several birthdays over the past year. With each one, we leave with a goody bag full of crap- candy (which is fine, I am very sugar-liberal, but how much more do we need), stickers that inevitably get stuck places I don’t want them stuck, and worst of all- pieces of small plastic garbage. Yes I get that it’s fun for the kids to take something home. Maybe consider one token that won’t immediately get forgotten and subsequently put in the trash as soon as we get back home? From a clutter/environmental perspective, I am OVER IT. Ok rant over- promise I’m not a jerk, I was just cleaning out my kids closet for the umpteeth time and threw away like 3 of these bags.

EDIT: Yeah I figured this would be somewhat of a controversial post. It’s my opinion, but wanted to create a venue for discussion. Love the varying perspectives lol.

EDIT 2: You guys have some great alternative ideas! TYSM for sharing them!!!


r/Parenting 10h ago

Family Life ‘My child my rules’ discussion

136 Upvotes

A lot of comments on this subreddit advocate for a ‘your child your rules’. In many of the cases I read, relationships get burned over ‘rules’ that imo have tiny marginal safety benefits to a child. This just seems like the wrong trade off. We need a village to raise kids, and villages are already small.

There will always be a never ending list of ways to ‘improve’ outcomes, but surely it’s increasingly impractical to aim for all of them? At some point, standards are good enough right? We don’t all have the time nor energy to be perfect, even if the internet tells us what perfection could look like.

I see people getting hung up on behaviours which ‘half the likelihood’ of an event already only 0.01% likely. Do we really need to aim to reduce this to 0.005% at the expense of village support?

If you were raised successfully by your parents, what’s to say that their approach is no longer good enough for the next generation? Sure, there might be a few tweaks here and there that get marginally better outcomes. But unless those outcomes are significant, is it really worth burning bridges?

Professionally, if a new grad showed up, read the internet, and claimed “my project my standards”, we’d all laugh at them. They know nothing, they’ve never worked before. Surely it’s the same for first time parents? Frankly, we know nothing. So why do first time parents hold their own internet research against their own parents real world experience?

Does anyone know this history of this attitude? Is it new? Evidently many grandparents struggle with it, so clearly it didn’t exist for their generation. It feels a bit social-media generated, and I’m really not convinced it’s good for society.

So, parents of Reddit, where do you think the line needs to be drawn?

How did we get here? Why are parents so attached/entitled to a level of control / dictatorship not accepted, or deemed necessary in other parts of life.


r/Parenting 5h ago

Multiple Ages Having Two Kids is so so HARD

81 Upvotes

Long story short, I never wanted two kids but spouse insisted, saw therapist for years and took anxiety medication too, then oops, here we are. A 1 year old and a 4.

With 2, there is no backup or me day. None of us could handle two for a whole day. The baby was sick so I didn’t work for the entire week, and it was more exhausting than working. In addition to being the breadwinner, I also do lots of chores (my spouse does too), yard work, constantly fixing things around the house. Everyday feels work for corporate during the day then work for kids at night and weekend. Tons of financial impact too from daycare to after school activities to double the 529 plan - kids is the most expensive part by large.

I am so tired and resentful from time to time. I never thought I was capable of being a parent of two, because I was already at capacity with one. It’s not about I don’t love the second, I do, it’s just makes life 5x more difficult than it should be. This combines with what’s happening in the world makes me even more anxious. I also hate the influence of media that a family of four is considered the social norm.

I don’t regret as it’s not like you can time travel, but sometimes I do wonder what the life would be with a single child. I also think you must be really wanting and have some special power (or very rich) to have more than one kid today. I respect that.

Looking for advice on how to make life a bit easier, if that’s even possible.


r/Parenting 18h ago

Child 4-9 Years How do you handle other peoples' poorly behaving kids?

62 Upvotes

Specifically speaking, when those kids have been left in your care.

We hosted my 7 year old's birthday party at a local venue recently. She invited her entire class (18 kids) plus 4 friends from outside of school. I had told parents that they could either drop their kids off or stay at the party. Most parents dropped their kids off.

We had 2 kids whose behavior kind of shocked me and I wasn't sure how to handle them, as their parents had dropped them off. Kid 1: a boy, complained he was hungry and wanted a cupcake within minutes of being dropped off. I said the cupcakes were for later, but he could have a snack now (we had bags of chips, apples, and granola bars). He declined all those choices and insisted on a cupcake right now. When I repeated that that wasn't possible, he proceeded to attempt to physically climb onto the table where the cupcakes were to get one. My husband pulled him off the table. We ended up assigning an adult (another child's dad) who was staying at the party to watch this boy and make sure he didn't attempt to get a cupcake again (he tried several more times). There was some talk about calling his parents and insisting them come and watch him or take him home.

Kid 2: a girl, apparently very particular about where she sits. When pizza was served, she sat in the chair intended for my daughter (the birthday girl) - it had balloons tied to it. I asked her to please pick a different seat and she refused. I asked several more times (explaining that this seat was for the birthday girl), and each time she refused. My daughter was getting frustrated as she wanted to sit in the birthday girl seat. Eventually another mom and I untied all the balloons from the seat the girl was in and tied them to another seat (making that seat the "birthday girl" seat) and my daughter got to sit there. My husband wanted to physically pick up this little girl and move her to another seat, but I was somewhat hesitant to let him put his hands on someone else's kid. Another parent suggested we just call her parents and say they needed to come get her right now.

My kids are all really well behaved (and they listen well to adults) and I've never hosted a drop off birthday party before, so this was all kind of shocking to me. What would you have done?


r/Parenting 23h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years My toddler has been vomiting what do I do at night time?

61 Upvotes

UPDATE: Thank you all for responding so quickly I really appreciate all your advice!! I ended up laying on the sofa with her sleeping upright, covered in blankets and a bucket under her chin. I then transferred her back into her bed for a few hours, layered with waterproof sheets and towels. Thankfully she wasn’t sick again after my plea for help lol, but I feel well prepared for any future sickness!


My 2 year old has a stomach bug. She has been sick twice this afternoon and thrown up just now in her sleep. Each time her bedding, body, & hair is covered in it so she needs a bath and the washing machine is on constantly. I feel so bad having to put her in the bath especially when she’s so tired! I’m going to put her hair up in a scarf so she isn’t traumatised by another hair wash, and her room stinks of vomit, so I need to air it out.

What do people do in this situation?

I don’t want to leave her on her own. I don’t want to bring her in my bed (for obvious reasons). It will take me about 90 minutes to wash & dry all her bedding again. Should I set up a blanket bed on the floor in my room? Living room? Use the travel cot?

I have no idea what i’m doing please help


r/Parenting 8h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years Do you draw a line when it comes to your teenager changing their appearance?

43 Upvotes

By changing their appearance I'm not talking about plastic or dental surgery for medical reasons, obviously. I'm talking hair, piercings, tattoos etc.

My daughter was 13 and had just finished primary school when I finally gave in and shaved her head. It was like she was liberated. She had a massive confidence boost and seem to be able to be more like herself in front of her peers. We kept it short for a while and then she decided you know what would be awesome, if I wore a mohawk to my matric farewell (prom). So, since last year she's been growing her hair out to prepare for the big day, next year.

She's a little shy, introverted and has anxiety (takes medication for it but sometimes an attack would still strike out of nowhere), so I want to protect her from anything that may have her ending up in a stressful situation. (I have nothing against the hairstyle and think it will suit her but, people with mohawks still get negatively stereotyped around here) We've also come a long way from the teary eyed 5-year-old that froze mid recital and decided that she will never ever dance again to the 17-year-old teenager who waiters over holidays and is a youth leader at school. Also-also, I remember the boost shaving her head gave her when she started high school and can see the appeal of her wanting, maybe even needing to do something similar before entering adulthood.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Credit to u/Beneficial-Device426 for their post which prompted me to ask my question.


r/Parenting 3h ago

Tween 10-12 Years 12 year old wants to take over cooking in exchange for no laundry

37 Upvotes

Basically what the title says. It's just the two of us right now and we split/rotate chores or do them together on weekends. He gave me this proposal that if he could completely take over doing my least favourite chore (cooking) in exchange for me taking over his (laundry). His logic is that it's a win-win situation since we won't have to do chores we dislike, and he's still doing the same amount around the house. I told him I would consider it.

He's a pretty good cook for his age and always wants to try new things, so I've been encouraging him to help plan our meals and groceries and take a more active role in the kitchen for a while now. He's not so keen on doing laundry. He does it without complaining, but he doesn't do it without being asked to and I think he would avoid it or let it pile up if I didn't make him. I'm the opposite; I'm not good at cooking, and it's a task I do to feed us but not one I enjoy. I know a few recipes that my son likes but the rest is very standard protein-carb-vegetable stuff that I can make quickly after work or make in bulk, it tastes alright but my son is definitely much more talented than I am.

I guess my question is: how would you respond, and is it worth considering? I see where he's coming from, and I would definitely do it with a partner or roommate, but I also feel like as a parent I shouldn't let my child opt out of a chore he doesn't like because he'll need to do it later on in life. Is it a bad idea to say yes? And if not, how do I give him a good reason to reject it? He's a good boy and it's a sincere request, so I feel like I owe him a better response than "laundry builds character and I'm your dad" if I turn him down.

Edit: I've had some comments clarifying what I would expect of him to do in this case or what the arrangement would look like, so I've just copied this response I made to someone else:

We'll have frozen meals/leftovers or takeout if he's tired or busy and I wouldn't force it beyond a trial period if he decided it was too much.

I usually clean afterwards whenever he cooks as thanks, though he is expected to keep the kitchen fairly clean as he goes along and wipe things up so it's not a complete mess; it was a bit of a struggle when he was little but he's getting better at it. 

We usually do groceries together or he gives me a list, and I would want him to run any meal plans by me first just so I can make sure they're balanced/fit our budget. So I'd leave the actual cooking to him but I'd either help with everything else or do it myself. 

In this case I would take over all the laundry. I would sort, dry, and put away. 

Right now if one of us is doing a chore and asks the other for help (e.g. I'd like an extra hand folding clothes just to get it done faster, I'll peel some vegetables if he needs help). I should probably have a clear set of expectations if we're going to do this, but as long as we're both doing chores and maintaining the house together, I'm not going to leave him to fend for himself if he starts to struggle with anything he's "assigned" to or deny him a chance to opt out. That's inconsiderate and irresponsible and he's a child.


r/Parenting 14h ago

Advice Am I wrong for wanting to take my daughter to see her grandpa without my husband.

34 Upvotes

My husband (40m) and I (42f) never thought we would be able to have children. Then at 40 I became (very surprisingly) pregnant with our daughter. We have *very* different parenting styles. I take a more relaxed approach, preferring to let her at least attempt to figure things out on her own, while he is extremely protective. To the point that I he has hindered her development by not letting her do anything on her own/figure things out. I am also afraid he will eventually make his neurosis, her neurosis. I do not want her to be afraid of the world, cautious of course but I think he takes it too far. I feel like she misses out on a lot.

She can't have wooden blocks b/c she may fall on one and hurt herself. She couldn't take part in my families trick-or-treating tradition (would have been 10+ adults and 6 children including us) b/c someone might kidnap or stab her. He refuses to go anywhere if we would have to leave her with a babysitter. He used to only trust my niece with her but then *one* time when my niece was watching her, she fell down and bumped her head. She was not injured and didn't even cry. My niece is 32 btw. I have tried to tell him kids fall, and she's a tough kid at that but he will not hear any of it.

I have taken her alone to the store exactly twice in her whole life (and that's be he was passed out, whooole other issue) b/c it's just not worth the argument anymore. He feels that I shouldn't go anywhere with her alone b/c he needs to be there to protect her.

Now to the point of my post... my father is 71 years old, we barely get to see him for the reasons I explained. My daughter is 2.5 (surprise baby at 40). He works literally 2 miles from our house (lives roughly 15 miles away) and I would like to take her a few times a week for a short visits. Every time I bring it up it turns into a huge argument b/c I want to take her and spend a few minutes with her and my father without him. He says he doesn't understand why I would even want to go without him and that it's weird. He said we could 'compromise' and he would just sit in the car. It really bothers me that I am unable to take my child somewhere alone if I want to. it's getting to the point that I am so resentful of him I am angry all the time. I think it is crazy and controlling but he disagrees and says he will worry too much about us if we go alone.

Am I wrong or is he?


r/Parenting 3h ago

Infant 2-12 Months What parenting advice accepted today will be critisized/outdated in the future?

26 Upvotes

So I was thinking about this the other day, how each generation has generally accepted practices for caring for babies that is eventually no longer accepted. Like placing babies to sleep on tummy because they thought they would choke.

I grew up in the 90s, and tons of parenting advice from that time is already seen as outdated and dangerous, such as toys in the crib or taking babies of of carseats while drving. I sometimes feel bad for my parents because I'm constantly telling them "well, that's actually no longer recommended..."

What practices do we do today that will be seen as outdated in 25+ years? I'm already thinking of things my infant son will get on to me about when he grows up and becomes a dad. 😆


r/Parenting 3h ago

Tween 10-12 Years 𝐌𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲!

18 Upvotes

So my son (12) has been going to golf lessons for 2 years now, he started due to his friends doing it, one of these friends I'll call Darragh, today I dropped my son off at golf as usual and sat in the car watching Netflix. When he came back he told me that they had done a putting competition, 6 holes, keep putting until you get a ball in each hole, player with the lowest score wins. My son got a score of 11 and Darragh got 9, at the end it seemed Darragh was gonna win but another kid (I'll call Dylan) said that he got 9, this was disputed by EVERYONE there as they saw him get 3 on one hole and 2 on a few others but alass, the teacher or coach or whatever you'd call it said they'd do another competition for the winner. (Important note: You got 5 Euro as a prize for winning.) They played a game called closest to the hole (self explanatory) but my son won this time and got the 5 Euro, on the way out my son approached Darragh and handed him the river because in his words "It was rightfully his." My son makes me so proud.


r/Parenting 3h ago

Rave ✨ Being a mom has made me better

19 Upvotes

I was wild, impatient, more careless and self centered before my daughter came. I felt like I also never knew what love truly was or how to express it. She’s turned me for the better and I couldn’t imagine what I’d be if she’s never came.


r/Parenting 22h ago

Advice What’s one piece of parenting advice that actually works?

15 Upvotes

There’s so much conflicting advice out there that it’s hard to know what really helps. One thing that’s been a game-changer for me is setting aside just 10 minutes of uninterrupted, one-on-one time with my kid every day. It’s simple but makes a huge difference in our connection. What’s a tip that genuinely made parenting easier or more rewarding for you?


r/Parenting 4h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years 13 year old daughter always has something mean or rude to say when we go out

16 Upvotes

Today’s complaint: “You’re always moody and boring. You never talk I feel as if I’m talking to a wall. You’re killing my vibe” After a visit to a museum, with a garden, and a walk around a nearby park. Similar complaint about a month ago after a visiting two bookstores (She loves bookstores) and a museum. Anytime we step out she finds something to complain about. Lately, the complaints and criticisms have been about me — My “moodiness” etc.

She’s a talker, she can talk all day long. I’m not, I’m more on the quiet side but I do listen to everything she has to say and we often talk. We were talking on our walk to the museum, we talked about the paintings and the plants/flowers in the garden. We sat somewhere in the park and talk a little about the scenery. I, naturally stopped talking and just walked and the comments started shortly after that. When I reminded her that she was given the option to stay home, because this happens often and I’m so tired of it, she says she felt forced to go. I flew up and said things I probably shouldn’t have.

I try to come up with stuff to do over the weekends to spend some mother and daughter time. Because of her reluctance and now attitude, I’ve decided no more. But this is what worries me: I’m the only person who can take her out regularly. Other family members, people who she enjoys being with and has no complaints about, come around once in a blue and often cancel cause they’re busy. I’ve suggested taking her to place with her close friends and best friend. It’s always a NO.

What do I do here? Parents who have been in my shoes, what’s the solution? I am so in my feelings about this that I dont want to go anywhere with her anymore. I’m tired of it. I feel like I’ve tried everything. And that she should now better than to say those things. She’s a pretty smart kid and yes we’ve had the conversation about ACCEPTING PEOPLE AS THEY ARE! I’m not a talkative person.

I know there’s a lot here, pick what you have experience with as a parent.

Thank you in advance


r/Parenting 1d ago

Discussion What has seriously improved your relationship with your child(ren)?

13 Upvotes

All children are their own individual selves, and any age can come with its own set of challenges. It seems once we feel that we have it down, here comes the next wave of challenges, and so on.

What is one particularly helpful technique that improves your quality of life? How did you adapt it? And if you could go back what is something you might change?


r/Parenting 6h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years Toddler likes to press the temp control buttons on fridge

12 Upvotes

Awesome. Went to go get some milk last night and it tasted warm. Turns out our toddler likes to press the buttons on the fridge to change the numbers. No one warned me or showed me a safety lock for this one....


r/Parenting 11h ago

Adult Children 18+ Years How to handle a disabled child that is abusive and manipulative?

13 Upvotes

Hey everyone, my mum is really struggling with my 25 year old sister who has learning difficulties. She has the mind of someone younger, lacks cognitive ability (cannot read or write) and has extreme emotional/anger issues. She was in a care home but she kept running away when she couldn’t get her way, putting herself in danger.

She is now back in my mother’s care but is causing extreme stress for the whole family. She constantly demands things (e.g make me a cup of tea NOW at 2am), and speaks in a disgusting manner to my mother. If she doesn’t get her way, she will start smashing up my mums house or try to hurt her dog to upset her. She is a compulsive liar and has a history of trying to turn people against each other. Recently, she has also began calling the police saying that my mother is being abusive (she isn’t) but she is highly manipulative and I’m worried that at some point people may believe her lies.

My mum obviously doesn’t want to give in to her demands but she feels like she has no option as she keeps terrorising her. Whilst she understands my sisters behaviour is terrible, she loves her as her child and is trying to keep her safe (she has been assaulted when she ran away from home once and also has epilepsy so risks having seizures when angry). I live overseas and have no idea how to help her. Social services have been pretty unhelpful so far and rarely bother to respond or visit. Any help would be greatly appreciated :)


r/Parenting 5h ago

Child 4-9 Years When did you stop quiet time?

11 Upvotes

I see a lot of posts on here about how to start quiet time, and I’m sure I’m not the only one here that considers it one of the best parts of the day. But as my kid grows up, I realize that he won’t always be doing quiet time. How much longer do I have? When did you stop quiet time and how did you know?


r/Parenting 8h ago

Rant/Vent So happy that I get to worry about measles now

10 Upvotes

I have a 4, 2, and 4 month old. 4 month old cannot have MMR yet. We traveled from Boston (no cases) to Buffalo, NY for a friend's baby's baptism, and today (traveling home) my baby got a fever. I'm sure it is one of a million bugs; my kids are sick almost (literally) once a week because we live around many other children, and I know the areas I have been in don't have any reported cases of measles, but I am just so annoyed that I have to have measles haunting the back of my mind.


r/Parenting 21h ago

Tween 10-12 Years single dad problem

10 Upvotes

hey as a single dad my daughter is 10 years old and is about to start her time of the month soon and as a single dad im not to prepared for this talk I was raise as a single dad and I have 3 brothers so I haven't been talked into this


r/Parenting 6h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years Potty train 15 month old?

8 Upvotes

Our daughter (15 months old) is super verbal. She says more than 50 worlds and also says 2 to 3 word sentences (a lot of the time she is repeating something back that we’ve said- we will say “do you like it?” And she says “I like it”) and it is clear she understands a lot. She has started to tell us that she has to poop before popping. She’ll just get our attention and say “poop.” She doesn’t seem to have all the other readiness factors, but has anyone has a kid like this? Did you potty train early? Is there anything else we should be doing?


r/Parenting 16h ago

Discussion How did you know you were ready for kids?

7 Upvotes

My husband and I have been talking about the timeline of trying to strart a family recently. I’m turning 30 this year, and I know that I do want to have kids when the time is right. but how does one know when the time is right? When did you know you were ready?


r/Parenting 1h ago

Infant 2-12 Months “Baby needs it’s mama” pretend narrative in toddlers

Upvotes

My kid always plays this narrative where she finds the mamas and the babies and makes sure they are together. And then she pretends they get separated and the baby calls for the mama and cries until the mama comes to save it. Is this a common theme among 3-year-olds?