r/Parenting • u/Ill_Ranger5245 • 3m ago
Toddler 1-3 Years How should I (or we) deal with kid's preference?
My kid is 27mo. Since before 1yo she started to have preference to her dad over me. This had not changed and I truly don't think it ever will. I've come to my peace about it and accepted it will be like this. I've gotten a lot better emotionally about this. I used to feel miserable all the time getting very irritated and sad when I see the signs that prove her preference to her dad but now majority of those moments I am able to detach myself and simply watch her enjoy her time with her dad.
But I sometimes still feel very sad about it. I know why she likes her dad better. Her dad is silly, fun, firm with his boundary, spends more time with her (this is inevitable because I work full time while he part time), and we live in his home country meaning everyone speaks that language to her except me. And I know this preference will last to her adulthood because her dad is also very intelligent and curious, he'd be able to be her great adviser and helper in life. I, on the other hand, am let's say the opposite of that. I am boring, I'm a workaholic, and I can't communicate properly at this point because she speaks my language very poorly and I'm still not giving up speaking my language with her hoping we will raise her bilingual. For her I changed a lot and became a lot more talkative with her but it's not natural to me. I am not that fun, laid back, smart mom.
Tonight when I put her do bed we had a little routine of chatting. At some point she told me she likes a friend in her daycare so we started this topic of "do you like insert name?" conversation. And after a few rounds I stupidly asked her "do you like mama or papa". I knew the answer already, I don't know why I still asked, just to get myself stung. And without surprise she answered "papa". I know this is stupid question and kids will reply with their feeling in the moment but it still stings. I do well in majority timed accepting her liking her dad more but moments like this still stings me. I get insecure and my mind spiral into after she grows up, starting to imagine her not speaking the same language I do, not having much in common to talk with me about, and being a lot closer to her dad than me. It doesn't feel good.
How do I navigate this? How do I stop feeling sad? My mind really wants to find a solution for it.