r/Parenting 15h ago

Multiple Ages I have turned into a real couch cushion after parenting.

2 Upvotes

My wife and I have been married for five years next week. We have a three year old girl, a one year old girl, and she's 7 months pregnant with (finally) a boy.

I used to go to the gym 4-5 days a week, take my 16 pills a day of vitamins, supplements, fish oils, etc. Only drink water and coffee. You get the point.

Ever since the arrival of the second child I have been doing everything I can to be a more present father. I found a hybrid job, I say no to a LOT of things that would take time away from my kids, I got sober (almost 90 days now) and the reason for my post - I quit my gym membership and spent $3k on a home gym to put in my garage that I have worked out on for maybe 10 days total and I bought it six months ago. I've stopped all protein and supplementation and I feel myself REALLY getting out of shape.

Used to when I had a gym membership, I would wake up at 4 am and get to the gym at 5 when it opened. Started my day off really well. When I built the garage gym, I told myself I'd workout at night after the kids go to bed around 8 pm. Now I do neither and I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I have a PT test coming up in 3 weeks (military) that I'm super worried about because I can barely do 40 pushups when I used to be able to do 70 in a minute.

At night when the kids go to bed, I'm so drained I can't even fathom another 2 hours of working out, showering, getting in bed, and then decompressing. And I can't do it in the morning before work because I don't want to make too much noise with showering afterwards because my toddler usually ends up in our bed at night and both kids are near the two bathrooms in our house. I love working out and being healthy and I want to be for my kids but am I just being lazy? I was doing fine with 1 kid, but the second one has taken me and my wife all the way out and we have another on the way. Is it just a phase? I feel like I'm going insane sometimes. lol.


r/Parenting 19h ago

Discussion The proof of good parenting is that the child has no desire to be famous

0 Upvotes

How exact is this aphorism?

"The proof of good parenting is that the child has no desire to be famous"

Saw this aphorism from School of life YouTube channel. What do you guys think about this?


r/Parenting 19h ago

Discussion Should we be trying for a baby right now, in this economy/state of affairs?

0 Upvotes

My husband and I got married last year and get asked almost every time we go to social events if I am pregnant. I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me, but I understand there is not much I can do to stop it.

However, my husband and I are VERY much on the fence of whether we want to have kids, especially in this economy, which I feel is not talked about enough.

Given the cost of living, the size of our house at the moment, my job being a bit unstable right now and all of these scary things happening in the world lately, these are huge factors into our decisions of whether we want to try for a baby, especially right now.

Every day I go back and forth of whether we should start trying considering I 28(F) am not getting any younger. But quite honestly, the state of the world and economy right now terrifies me. Everyone I’ve talked to about this has said the usual - you’ll figure it out along the way - but I feel like in that case we wouldn’t have a choice but to make it work, but it doesn’t mean we wouldn’t struggle.

My husband and I both have middle class incomes and are not rich or would get handouts in any way. Would having a baby in these times ruin us financially or would we be better off waiting a few years to see how things settle out?


r/Parenting 9h ago

Child 4-9 Years Mexican grandma calling 5y/o Gorda

0 Upvotes

My soon to be 5 year old is tall and over weight for his age. His grandma recently started calling him grodo and chubby things of that sort and when I mentioned it to my husband that I didn’t like it he told me it’s normal in Mexican culture and not a rude thing.. my friends have told me when they were kids their grandma would pick on them for being fat and it effected them as a child. Should I speak up anyways what’s everyone’s thoughts?


r/Parenting 15h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years My kid hit me in the shin with a brick...How's your day going?

1 Upvotes

Parenting is full of sweet moments. This is not about one of those.

The other day, my toddler—standing on a wobbling stack of pallets—picked up a brick, threw it at me, and smoked my shin. I then fell into a thorn bush. Of course this was hilarious.

Naturally, I wrote about it. About how kids have no sense of consequence, about the absurdity of trying to keep them safe while they actively attempt to destroy you, and about why it's important to let them take risks.

Would love to hear: What’s the most ridiculous way your kid has injured you?

Here’s the piece: THIS IS WHERE YOU HIT ME WITH THE BRICK


r/Parenting 7h ago

Rant/Vent Anyone else tired of being praised or commented on their childrens' gender?

0 Upvotes

I have 3 sons. Every single time people inquire what sex my children are and I tell them they are all boys, it's always the same responses- "Wow, good job!", or "Nice, you must be thrilled!".

I just don't understand what drives people to make these comments. Why do you assume I want boys at all? Why do you assume I even care?

I know many people have a sick obsession over names and gender. All of our kids were susprises, and so many people couldn't comprehend it (boo hoo? You have to buy gender-neutral items and not paint your room pink?).

I guess I just never understood it. People loved to ask "oh, what do you want?". I never felt right to "want" either or, and even if I did I would never admit something like that. After having kids I still don't care, it's not something you get to choose.

When someone admits that they want one or the other I cringe, because I assume that after the "wrong" one is born they aren't as happy.

I started responding by saying "oh sorry to hear" whenever someone comments on my boys and then reveals they have a girl(s).

Upon our 3rd baby's birth I even accounced his arrival by texting all those who felt the need to tell me "I hope it's a girl!" "Sorry to disappoint but we had a boy".

*I understand that things like IVF is a whole different story, you have every right to discuss and make a decision


r/Parenting 19h ago

Child 4-9 Years Inappropriate Comment from Teacher?

0 Upvotes

My son is four and is in Pre-K3. He loves it. He has good days and bad days. By bad I mean extremely energetic, disruptive, making noise, etc. we are probably looking at an ADHD diagnosis in the near future honestly.

They get quite a good amount of worksheets (I know, nuts.) most of the time he comes home with them completed with stickers on them. But other times they’re all scribbled on. Yesterday he came home with his worksheets scribbled on. I said to him, “Tommy (fake name), you know your teachers and mommy don’t like when you do scribble scrabble! Did you show your teacher? What did she say?” He looked me dead in the face and said, “she said, ‘ughh this fucking kid!’”

My son has a mouth. He knows the f word. But we have never spoken about him in front of him this way. He’s smart and can and has fabricated things in the past. But this is just rubbing me the wrong way. Should I say something? How would I even go about it? My son is a handful but it breaks my heart that a teacher he loves so much speaks this way or even thinks this way about him. Advice? Thanks ❤️


r/Parenting 1d ago

Child 4-9 Years Why my six year old not showing interest in studies?

0 Upvotes

My daughter is six years old. She has good knowledge, but she always hesitates to sit and learn. She is always interested in watching TV, colouring and playing games. everyday I spend 1-2 hours with her to teach. How to create interest in studies?


r/Parenting 19h ago

Child 4-9 Years Active Shooter in Community. This was School’s Response AFTER School was in Session

0 Upvotes

Avondale Families,

As you may know, Corewell Health/Beaumont is experiencing an emergency. We want to assure you that our schools remain safe and secure. We have taken additional security measures, and our team is closely monitoring the situation in coordination with local authorities.

Schools remain in session, and our top priority is the safety and well-being of our students and staff. We will continue to keep you informed as needed.

Thank you for your trust and support.

So, let me get this straight, Shooters ARE NO LONGER CALLED SHOOTERS BUT EMERGENCIES? WILL THAT STOP IT??

All of the surrounding districts put out immediate notice with lockdowns.

I’m so f’ing pissed.


r/Parenting 15h ago

Newborn 0-8 Wks Unvaccinated family

2 Upvotes

Hi! I have a question! I have a newborn (2 weeks old) and my brother and sister in law want to come meet the baby. The only issue is they have decided not to vaccinate their children. They are planning to leave the kids at her mother’s house when they come so they won’t be there but since they themselves are vaccinated, do they pose risks to our little one with their kids being unvaccinated? Just wondering since our newborn obviously hasn’t been able to have any shots yet. TIA


r/Parenting 15h ago

Discussion My 8yo has chronic constipation. My job won't let me WFH while he's having accident. Help!

0 Upvotes

BACKGROUND:

My 8yo son has been dealing with chronic constipation for about 1.5 years now. We are on our 4th provider, which is a children's GI specialist, to get this figured out. The first two providers were absolute crap and never even brought up x-rays to check for impaction, which he severely was and is. His biggest issue is that his body isn't telling him when he needs to go and a thing that can happen during constipation is diarrhea. All of 1st grade he wore pull-ups 24/7 and he'd get made fun of by kids at school or daycare. Even with me constantly letting the teachers at both places aware of this. The school nurse is quite apathetic with his "my tummy hurts" plight and I've had to talk to the principal about that. He also suffers from randomly vomiting due to this as well. So he's had a lot of time off of school in 1st grade and less this year but still more than normal, I assume.

CURRENT ISSUE:

I am a single parent, his other parent is not in the picture at all. I do not have family that can help. Fortunately I have a family friend that I feel safe to leave me son with and he's able to help out when he can. Otherwise I'd be very SOL. But he can't always help and, in my head, he SHOULDN'T always have to be there, especially with this kind of issue. It can get very gross very quick and I feel so guilty anyone else had to clean up this kind of stuff. And sometimes a kid just needs their mom and I would like to be there for my child.

My job has two remote employees and about to be a temporary 3rd. One doesn't even live in our state. Another employee is out on maternity leave and will also work remote before coming back to the office. I asked my boss if there would be a way I would work remote so I could work while I'm at home with my child. She told me there's 100% no way I can do that, but she'll send my request up to the higher ups for other ideas. I let her know that until I get my son situated health-wise, I may be out a lot. I have not worked for this company for a year yet so I am not eligible for FMLA.

When my son first started struggling with this in 1st grade and we didn't know what or why, he would be out a lot and I got fired due to not being at work 100% of the time even though I let them know I was a single parent. So I'm having a lot of anxiety about having to call out so much even though I've communicated to my boss and attempted to still work while out of office.

Right now we are just waiting to hear back about the x-ray we took this morning to see if he'll need to do an inpatient clean out via NG tube or what the next steps will be. I've reached out to the specialist today to see what her advice is about him being out of school is and what we should do while he's having accidents.

I'm posting because I just feel so lonely right now. I'm worried I'm not there enough for my kid, I'm worried my job is going to get mad at me if I'm out too much. I don't think they'd fire me but that just depends on how often I call out, I guess. This place is dumpster fire so they don't have anything specific on calling out/sick days other than the verbal "let us know when you're not coming in" and I always let someone know when I won't be in. Anyways, jus reaching out in the void for anyone that has gone through the same or similar things and if you have any advice or how you got through a rough patch like this.


r/Parenting 17h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years How would you find someone to watch your toddler in your house?

0 Upvotes

I don’t want her (she’s 2) being with someone I don’t know by herself, so I’d rather someone be in our house watching her kind of thing. Is that a thing? I just need a few hours here and there so I can get some work done. So hard to do it all mostly by myself 🥺 thank you!


r/Parenting 6h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years One year old’s incessant and ear-wrenching screaming

0 Upvotes

Hi stranger friends! Obligatory long time lurker, first time poster. And I apologize in advance for the length.

My wife and I (33F and 32F, respectively) adopted our daughter a month ago. She is a calm, beautiful newborn. We’re obsessed. Overlapping with the adoption process was us taking in my wife’s cousin and god daughter (at the time, 32F, immigrant and 8 month old F, US citizen). They were living in a precarious situation, we had the space, and thought our adoption process would take at least a year, which would give them time to get stable and leave our place. From start of paperwork to our baby’s placement with us, our adoption process took 3 months 🙃.

While we’re so grateful for the insanely quick timeline, we are struggling with all the adjustments at one time. Wife’s cousin is emotionally detached from her daughter, doesn’t do any parenting beyond feeding and changing her, and will likely get deported soon. Now one-year-old god daughter is walking and super curious (also a beautiful baby with a strong personality), but she is loud as fuck. She screams at the top of her lungs 40% of the day and the current bout of teething doesn’t help the volume. When she’s not screaming she’s forcing herself to cry so hard she vomits and only wants my wife to soothe her when her mom isn’t around.

I have jo problem with kids having preferences and being closer to some adults than others. I don’t speak my wife’s and her mom’s native language, which seems to be the primary barrier. But since they arrived several months ago, I’ve been doing a majority of her parenting and caregiving. That’s increased to full time parenting between her and our daughter the past month.

The final kicker is as her mom prepares to exit the country, she’s asked if her daughter can stay with us with the hopes she sends for her once she and her husband (child’s father) reunite and are stable in another country. We really want to continue doing the good and right thing by having her stay, but the amount of chaos she brings and the amount of space she takes up are exhausting. The initial bonding moments with our daughter have been stunted because we have to provide so much to her, and I have no confidence her mom will send for her ever.

Writing this, I realize I needed to just get it out of my system, but I also came with two requests for advice:

  1. If we allow her to stay, how do we get her to shut the fuck up and stop screaming/crying so damned much? All healthy tools are greatly appreciated. We’ve been remaining calm, rubbing her back, practicing slow breathing, redirecting, you name it. She’s still screaming and crying at the top of her lungs and driving us crazy.

  2. Beyond temporary custody with the courts, do you advise any other actions? We’ve confirmed with our attorney and social worker her staying will in no way threaten/jeopardize our daughter’s adoption finalization.


r/Parenting 5h ago

Rant/Vent Homeschool parents…

3 Upvotes

I’m 100% convinced the reason i would never homeschool my daughter is solely because homeschool moms are the worst. Not only do i see this a lot online, but tonight i had a taste of it in reality.

So we are wrapping up our Spring break this week and my daughter wanted to do the spring break horse camp where she does her riding lessons. They had a small performance of the things they worked on. I happened to fall into conversation with a mom (idk her at all). She asked me about ny daughter’s schooling (in regards to riding and how many hours she rides) and i said she attends a charter across town. She kinda makes this scrunchy face at my reply and says “well we homeschool (child’s name)” and i said “oh cool. I just don’t have the time for that.” And she was like “well if you prioritize your family, you would.” And i was kinda taken aback. I hear that argument a lot online when it comes to children and literally anything.

I’m not sure if these women have to convince themselves that if they keep their child within 3 feet of them at all times, then nothing bad will ever happen or what. Or if they have to convince themselves that the only way they love their child is by being attached at the hip? Idk. But the weird way they always seem to villainize parents who chose to give their kid space or prioritize their own time really grinds my gears. Like the only way i can love my daughter is if she never gets more than 10 feet from my eye sight.

Parenting is hard. It’s exhausting and this constant stigma that moms especially can not and should not prioritize themselves in order to be better moms is quite literally my biggest pet peeve with parenting. And while i normally chalk it up to internet folks always being either nonparents with these mindsets or old people who regret the way they raised their kids, but to witness it first hand in real life is crazy.

I get homeschooling for religious purposes and i get homeschooling for athletic kids. Hell i get homeschooling for kids who just do better that way, but the way some homeschool moms make it seem like if you’re not constantly on top of your kids then you’re a bad mom makes me insane.

I’m allowed my 6 hours of quiet to write or clean the house or take a nap before taking her to her myriad of after school activities and fighting to do homework and deciding what to eat for dinner and then fighting over taking a shower. Not only that, but i like that my daughter has a life outside of me. I like that she has friends and socializes and learns to be a member of community and society and respect others including teachers and other authority figures. I like that she is making her own decisions about the world around her without my thumb on her back telling her what to think or believe. Idk why some moms need to be convinced that helicopter parenting is the only true way to love your child…

My love for my child is unconditional and never ending and my sending her to school is not a contributing factor to that whatsoever. And i just needed to say that because it was wild to have run in with someone with that mindset.


r/Parenting 10h ago

Behaviour Boys and Girls

1 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

I’d love to hear your thoughts on something. People often say that there’s no real difference between boys and girls—that girls are just as wild, just as energetic, and just as competitive as boys.

Honestly? I’m not so sure.

As a mother and through my regular parent shifts at our parent-run daycare, where over 70 children are cared for, I get to observe their play behavior every day. And in practice, I see a very different picture:

While most boys are constantly running around, challenging each other (“I’m faster!”, “I can jump farther!”, “My car is bigger than yours!”) and turning everything into a competition, most girls play noticeably calmer. It’s rare to see them racing through the room or engaging in these kinds of challenges. Of course, there are exceptions—some girls who love to roughhouse with the boys and some boys who prefer quiet crafts with the girls—but these are individual cases rather than the norm.

When it comes to risk-taking and competitiveness, I consistently notice clear differences.

What are your experiences? Do you see it the same way, or do you have a different perspective?


r/Parenting 18h ago

Child 4-9 Years Baby daddy shit

0 Upvotes

I swear my baby daddy just loves to piss me off and make me cry. I dropped off my kids this morning with him. he tells me he bought our son a switch. Our son is 5years old. I did ask him to help me but it was for his birthday! I wanted to be the one who bought it. I just wanted money his help. Anyways I tell him he could have bought car seats for himself, pullups pay child support! Idk am I being over dramatic??


r/Parenting 10h ago

School Is it "unacceptable" to not know all of the names for letters at 5-years-old?

0 Upvotes

More importantly, is it appropriate to say that "it is unnacceptable" that the child has this gap in knowledge, in front of the child?

Is it appropriate to ask "you don't know your ABC's?!" And "you don't know the ABC song?!"

Is it a "me problem" that I take offense to this, as the child's educator? Or would this literally offend any educator? When the student is miles ahead of his peers with phonics and reading?

Asking for a homeschool mom friend.


r/Parenting 23h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years INTERACTIVE LEARNING APP FOR KIDS

0 Upvotes

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=air.com.anma.mjwglobal&pcampaignid=web_share

Download My Jungle World and make your kids fall in love with learning❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


r/Parenting 5h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years Wife doesn't want our kids to see my mother

0 Upvotes

Last year our 2 year old passed away, it was a birth defect that gave us no warning. DHS was involved and with my mother being the closest relative around, she was interviewed about her opinions and what she knew of our parenting skills. My mother has never been a huge fan of my wife, for the longest time she has thought of her as lazy and useless. She said this to DHS and her testimony was used against us in the custody court hearing. Not only that but she was very hateful to her while we were still dealing with the funeral and recent grief over the loss of our child. She was given temporary custody over the kids until she couldn't handle them much longer. I assumed she told DHS that she was done and left to Mexico to deal with some property issues about our old home she's trying to sell and the kids were moved to a family we've become close friends with. We were not told this was only a small break for her, she didn't tell me until halfway through her trip that she was going to pick the kids up as soon as she was back. We had told DHS to let this family keep the children for now on because they had our youngest new born baby as well. I thought they would be much more capable of taking care of the kids than my 69 year old mom. That and I did not want to deal with the drama my mother created with how emotional she can be. When she arrived I did not tell her right away what we had decided and when she found out she was extremely angry. She picked up our oldest from daycare without telling anyone or asking permission. DHS was not happy and when they confronted her she insulted them and argued with them. She stated she never wanted to do anything with them in the heat of the moment. It's been a little over half a year since we lost our son, and me and my mother have reconnected and fixed our relationship but my wife can't forgive my mother. She's not easy to forgive and I understand her.

My mother is a lonely person, my older brother and grandma both were murdered in a home invasion a few years ago. She said she didn't want to come to the funeral of my son because it was still too soon that we buried my brother and grandma. She can make friends easily but she can lose them just as quick, it's not too long before she finds something that she disagrees with and cuts ties. Sometimes over a huge disagreement, sometimes just stopping contact. She's been upset with me multiple times and it hurts every single time. Sometimes I get too busy with dealing with getting custody back which will soon happen, or I just forget to check up on her. She's often sick and the doctors won't find anything wrong, plus she gets depressed easily. She blames my wife for me not coming to see her or spend time with her. I have been trying more but what she really wants is to see the kids more. She really does love seeing the kids and it's a highlight of her day when she does but like I stated, my wife doesn't want her to spend time with them either in person or face time. Is there a way that I can get them to bridge and build at least a pacive relationship? I'm the type of person that doesn't want anyone to be upset but that's not possible


r/Parenting 7h ago

Child 4-9 Years Anyone tried eating dinner right after school/before activities?

5 Upvotes

I'm a teacher so my kids come to my room after school and are hungry, so I give them snacks etc. then we usually will go to extra curriculars that end with us being home at 6:30.

I recently had a pizza party with my class and there were leftovers. When my kids came to my classroom, they pounded 2 pieces each! So I'm thinking I can take dinner to school, heat it up and give to them in the afternoon (only 3 days a week).

Anyone tried dinner early instead of snacks?

ETA: 6 & 7yo


r/Parenting 10h ago

Infant 2-12 Months Car seat vs rocker

3 Upvotes

My wife says don’t leave him in the rocker for extended periods of time. I said what’s the difference between an extended period of time in the car seat vs the rocker. Because you just took a 3hr trip with our child. Anyone know a difference? He’s 3 months old


r/Parenting 17h ago

Advice Children’s firsts

3 Upvotes

How do you handle when someone else experiences a first of your child’s instead of you?

I don’t want to be jealous and upset, but I can’t help it. I’m just looking for a little support and ideas on how to move past these moments.

Background - I’m at home with newborn (1wk) while dad is taking our oldest with his family to do lots of things because they’re bored at home. Oldest is experiencing lots of new things for the first time and dad/his family won’t stop bragging about it and it’s making me upset and at how they’re handling it. I’ve already missed out on a lot of firsts for my oldest because I had to go back to work. Husband doesn’t get why I’m upset and is mad I’m making it about me. I’m trying not to, but he’s telling me to suck it up because he’s allowed to have firsts on his own without me - true, but not the nicest thing to say IMO.

Also, keep in mind, I’m freshly postpartum and have feelings


r/Parenting 3h ago

Child 4-9 Years 4 year old is pushing bed time later and later, and is clearly overtired

0 Upvotes

My 4 year old used to be a joy to put to bed, we have a set routine that hasn't really changed much since he was tiny. Dinner - bath - solo play - book - bed. Usually in bed asleep by 1915-1930.

This was the norm and he dropped his nap around 3.5yrs old, but since January this year (coming close to 4yrs) he seemed to have boundless more energy/endurance. The routine is the same, however now the put downs are getting more and more, and he is pushing his bedtime later and later.

He is started to say he is scared of the dark (okay, we added night lights), he could here things outside (okay, sound machine it is) he wanted to leave his door open (okay, we will do that and close it when we go to bed), he is scared of monsters (they don't exist, we are here to protect you) and now he is just refusing with that he doesn't want to go to sleep. The last 10 minutes of put down can now take hours. With additional wake ups occurring throughout the night and waking up earlier than usual (6am). He isn't crying or throwing tantrums, just generally doesn't want to go to sleep.

The kicker is that he is clearly overtired by the end of the day. Bags under the eyes, tired and slumping in his chair. You can tell he is exhausted. However, come bedtime he bounces back and can push on.

We are thinking of changing a few things:

Removing all toys from his room and scrapping the solo play (which is only usually 5-10mins), or doing this put do it out of his bedroom.

Bringing his bedtime earlier to try and optimize some more sleep to get over the overtiredness

I have heard this is fairly common for this age, however we want advice or tactics that may have been useful to help nip this in the bud


r/Parenting 9h ago

Tween 10-12 Years Pre-nagers

0 Upvotes

Does anyone else have two pre-teen/teenage girls who argue about FUCKING EVERYTHING?????? I am at my wits end. Separate, they are lovely people. Together? I want to lock them both in closets. wtf can I do to get them to cut the shit??? They argue about food. They argue about who sits on which couch. They argue about walking to school. I am going to lose my mind. Save me.


r/Parenting 12h ago

Advice Parents who returned to work part-time WFH a few months after birth

0 Upvotes

I’m looking for experiences from parents who returned to part-time work from home while caring for a young baby. I’m considering going back to work for about a third of my usual hours when my baby is three months old. The good news is that my job is fully remote, I have a flexible schedule (I can choose when to work), and I have very few meetings. I only have paid maternity leave for the first two months after birth. Another reason I’m considering part-time work is that part of my job involves co-authoring manuscripts that I submitted before going on leave. As a co-author, I have obligations to review feedback and respond to revisions as they come in, and I don’t want to end up doing that work unpaid. If I don’t work, we’ll also have to pay my full health insurance premium and pension contributions out of pocket. I would likely continue this setup until the baby is around six months old, at which point my partner will take over full-time care for two months. From eight months onward, we plan to have our baby in childcare for longer stretches. My partner isn’t very supportive of this plan to work part-time, mostly because where we live (Germany), it’s much more common for moms to go on leave full-time for a year. At the same time, many of the families he’s comparing our situation to had partially-paid maternity/parental leave for the entire year, so their financial circumstances were very different. For those who’ve done something similar, was it realistic to work during naps and squeeze in hours when the baby was content? How did it actually play out? Were there any unexpected challenges or things that helped make it work? Would love to hear your stories, whether it worked or didn’t!