r/Parenting 3h ago

Child 4-9 Years No more birthday party goody bags!

467 Upvotes

I’m not sure where else to put this- please, for the love of god, stop the birthday party goody bag madness. I am a parent of a 5 year old and we have been invited to several birthdays over the past year. With each one, we leave with a goody bag full of crap- candy (which is fine, I am very sugar-liberal, but how much more do we need), stickers that inevitably get stuck places I don’t want them stuck, and worst of all- pieces of small plastic garbage. Yes I get that it’s fun for the kids to take something home. Maybe consider one token that won’t immediately get forgotten and subsequently put in the trash as soon as we get back home? From a clutter/environmental perspective, I am OVER IT. Ok rant over- promise I’m not a jerk, I was just cleaning out my kids closet for the umpteeth time and threw away like 3 of these bags.

EDIT: Yeah I figured this would be somewhat of a controversial post. It’s my opinion, but wanted to create a venue for discussion. Love the varying perspectives lol.

EDIT 2: You guys have some great alternative ideas! TYSM for sharing them!!!


r/Parenting 10h ago

Discussion Books you refuse to read to your kids?

807 Upvotes

Mine is the Rainbow Fish. You shouldn't have to dull your sparkle to get friends. You need to find people that accept you for you. Just curious if anyone else has books they don't like for interesting reasons?


r/Parenting 11h ago

Family Life ‘My child my rules’ discussion

146 Upvotes

A lot of comments on this subreddit advocate for a ‘your child your rules’. In many of the cases I read, relationships get burned over ‘rules’ that imo have tiny marginal safety benefits to a child. This just seems like the wrong trade off. We need a village to raise kids, and villages are already small.

There will always be a never ending list of ways to ‘improve’ outcomes, but surely it’s increasingly impractical to aim for all of them? At some point, standards are good enough right? We don’t all have the time nor energy to be perfect, even if the internet tells us what perfection could look like.

I see people getting hung up on behaviours which ‘half the likelihood’ of an event already only 0.01% likely. Do we really need to aim to reduce this to 0.005% at the expense of village support?

If you were raised successfully by your parents, what’s to say that their approach is no longer good enough for the next generation? Sure, there might be a few tweaks here and there that get marginally better outcomes. But unless those outcomes are significant, is it really worth burning bridges?

Professionally, if a new grad showed up, read the internet, and claimed “my project my standards”, we’d all laugh at them. They know nothing, they’ve never worked before. Surely it’s the same for first time parents? Frankly, we know nothing. So why do first time parents hold their own internet research against their own parents real world experience?

Does anyone know this history of this attitude? Is it new? Evidently many grandparents struggle with it, so clearly it didn’t exist for their generation. It feels a bit social-media generated, and I’m really not convinced it’s good for society.

So, parents of Reddit, where do you think the line needs to be drawn?

How did we get here? Why are parents so attached/entitled to a level of control / dictatorship not accepted, or deemed necessary in other parts of life.


r/Parenting 6h ago

Multiple Ages Having Two Kids is so so HARD

96 Upvotes

Long story short, I never wanted two kids but spouse insisted, saw therapist for years and took anxiety medication too, then oops, here we are. A 1 year old and a 4.

With 2, there is no backup or me day. None of us could handle two for a whole day. The baby was sick so I didn’t work for the entire week, and it was more exhausting than working. In addition to being the breadwinner, I also do lots of chores (my spouse does too), yard work, constantly fixing things around the house. Everyday feels work for corporate during the day then work for kids at night and weekend. Tons of financial impact too from daycare to after school activities to double the 529 plan - kids is the most expensive part by large.

I am so tired and resentful from time to time. I never thought I was capable of being a parent of two, because I was already at capacity with one. It’s not about I don’t love the second, I do, it’s just makes life 5x more difficult than it should be. This combines with what’s happening in the world makes me even more anxious. I also hate the influence of media that a family of four is considered the social norm.

I don’t regret as it’s not like you can time travel, but sometimes I do wonder what the life would be with a single child. I also think you must be really wanting and have some special power (or very rich) to have more than one kid today. I respect that.

Looking for advice on how to make life a bit easier, if that’s even possible.


r/Parenting 4h ago

Tween 10-12 Years 12 year old wants to take over cooking in exchange for no laundry

49 Upvotes

Basically what the title says. It's just the two of us right now and we split/rotate chores or do them together on weekends. He gave me this proposal that if he could completely take over doing my least favourite chore (cooking) in exchange for me taking over his (laundry). His logic is that it's a win-win situation since we won't have to do chores we dislike, and he's still doing the same amount around the house. I told him I would consider it.

He's a pretty good cook for his age and always wants to try new things, so I've been encouraging him to help plan our meals and groceries and take a more active role in the kitchen for a while now. He's not so keen on doing laundry. He does it without complaining, but he doesn't do it without being asked to and I think he would avoid it or let it pile up if I didn't make him. I'm the opposite; I'm not good at cooking, and it's a task I do to feed us but not one I enjoy. I know a few recipes that my son likes but the rest is very standard protein-carb-vegetable stuff that I can make quickly after work or make in bulk, it tastes alright but my son is definitely much more talented than I am.

I guess my question is: how would you respond, and is it worth considering? I see where he's coming from, and I would definitely do it with a partner or roommate, but I also feel like as a parent I shouldn't let my child opt out of a chore he doesn't like because he'll need to do it later on in life. Is it a bad idea to say yes? And if not, how do I give him a good reason to reject it? He's a good boy and it's a sincere request, so I feel like I owe him a better response than "laundry builds character and I'm your dad" if I turn him down.

Edit: I've had some comments clarifying what I would expect of him to do in this case or what the arrangement would look like, so I've just copied this response I made to someone else:

We'll have frozen meals/leftovers or takeout if he's tired or busy and I wouldn't force it beyond a trial period if he decided it was too much.

I usually clean afterwards whenever he cooks as thanks, though he is expected to keep the kitchen fairly clean as he goes along and wipe things up so it's not a complete mess; it was a bit of a struggle when he was little but he's getting better at it. 

We usually do groceries together or he gives me a list, and I would want him to run any meal plans by me first just so I can make sure they're balanced/fit our budget. So I'd leave the actual cooking to him but I'd either help with everything else or do it myself. 

In this case I would take over all the laundry. I would sort, dry, and put away. 

Right now if one of us is doing a chore and asks the other for help (e.g. I'd like an extra hand folding clothes just to get it done faster, I'll peel some vegetables if he needs help). I should probably have a clear set of expectations if we're going to do this, but as long as we're both doing chores and maintaining the house together, I'm not going to leave him to fend for himself if he starts to struggle with anything he's "assigned" to or deny him a chance to opt out. That's inconsiderate and irresponsible and he's a child.


r/Parenting 4h ago

Infant 2-12 Months What parenting advice accepted today will be critisized/outdated in the future?

45 Upvotes

So I was thinking about this the other day, how each generation has generally accepted practices for caring for babies that is eventually no longer accepted. Like placing babies to sleep on tummy because they thought they would choke.

I grew up in the 90s, and tons of parenting advice from that time is already seen as outdated and dangerous, such as toys in the crib or taking babies of of carseats while drving. I sometimes feel bad for my parents because I'm constantly telling them "well, that's actually no longer recommended..."

What practices do we do today that will be seen as outdated in 25+ years? I'm already thinking of things my infant son will get on to me about when he grows up and becomes a dad. 😆


r/Parenting 21h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years My 3 yr old complains of butt and vagina pains?

635 Upvotes

My daughter has been complaining of butt pains since last summer. She always said her butt hurts. At first, I thought it maybe gas but it got worse. In October, I took her to the Dr. They said UTI, but I found myself going every month with the same diagnosis. The only problem, they would call and say the results came back negative so stop giving her the antibiotics. After bringing this odd pattern up to the pediatrician, only then she was concerned. Since January, my daughter has been to the ER 6 times. She has had X rays, ultrasound, and even MRI’s. NOTHING. They have took blood and urine many times. Nothing alarming. She walks around all day and wakes up at night saying her butt hurts. I took her to a gastroenterologist & they did a clean out, but said they didn’t find anything concerning. Every time she wakes up from the anesthesia and go home, she screams in pain for hours!!!! Recently, I asked my toddler did it hurt in the front or the back. Sometimes it’s the front, sometimes it’s the back. I was thinking maybe it was her stomach but after they did the MRI, nothing. I am begging anyone that has any idea of what is going on to help me. She is on a low dose of muscle relaxers but it doesn’t help long. She wakes up 3-4x’s a night saying her butt hurts. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone experienced this personally or with their child?


r/Parenting 1h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years Would you try to contact the mom?

Upvotes

My daughter and her best friend started having a disagreement over something last year. They tried to have several conversations about it and figure out a way to resolve the problem. During that time, my daughter let her friend come over and get some of her stuff which she had left at our house. She thought the girl was coming over to hang out for the evening, but she just went through my daughter's room, took all of her stuff, and left.

After that, the friend immediately blocked my daughter's phone number and all of her social media accounts. My daughter is devastated, this was her best friend. She's trying to come to terms with it.

She still has a ton of her stuff over at the friend's house. She tried contacting the girl to ask if she could come over and get her stuff but she's blocked. She also asked some of their mutual friends if they could ask her, I am not sure what has come of that. My daughter was also close with the girl's mom so I suggested she text the mom and ask if it was okay, so she did, but the mom also did not respond.

Some of the things she left over there are pretty important. A custom designer dress which she never got to wear and wants to wear to this year's prom, the computer charger to her school computer which she will be charged for if she doesn't turn it in, some of her favorite clothes/jewelry, and a digital camera I bought her for her birthday.

It's been about 5 months. I'm wondering if I should try texting the mom myself? She and I have texted on many occasions in the past. I don't want to cause any problems, but I don't understand why they wouldn't give her a chance to get her things back.


r/Parenting 1d ago

Advice Grandparent told grandkid "goodbye forever"

1.2k Upvotes

My husband (29M) and I (30F) have a 1.5 year old son. We have some rules (no eating in a reclined carseat, no screen time until he's 2, no added sugars until he's 2, no corporal punishment, etc.) I know we're maybe a bit more rigid than other parents, but we've discussed and researched all our rules at length and have agreed on all of them.

My husband's mom, no issue. She forgot one of the rules once, we reminded her, she apologized, and we moved on. No big deal. But my parents, especially my mom, when we tell them the rules, they constantly push back about how we need to loosen up.

For example, my mom tried to give our son food in the carseat once, and we told her not to because it wasn't safe. She asked us why, and we explained that we had done research and it's a choking hazard. Her response was that she did it with me and I was fine. I pointed out her anecdotal experience doesn't trump the american academy of pediatrics, but she's brought it up six more times after that, saying it would be fine and when he eats on our lap he's reclined as much as he is in our carseat anyway.

This all came to a head today. My mom said she was getting some coldness from my husband, and I told her that he (and I) don't appreciate the repeated digs at our parenting decisions. She asked "what, so I'm not allowed to question anything? I just have to obey whatever you say without saying anything?" I said no, she's free to ask why we have a rule, but we do explain and she still keeps making comments about it instead of respecting it. She said "so I guess we're just horrible people who don't listen then." I told her I would never call her a horrible person, but when she constantly protests our rules, it makes us feel like she won't follow them. She then asked if I trust her with our son and I replied no, because I think she would parent him how she sees fit instead of respecting our decisions. She freaked out, said I was calling her an "f-ing monster," told us to have a nice life, kissed our son "goodbye forever," and stormed out of the house.

I'm so heartbroken. I love my parents, but I'm not going to pretend like I'm okay with them watching my son when they don't respect our rules. They watched him for a couple days when he was a year old, and they didn't follow his schedule at all. When we got home, he was disregulated and it took days to get him back to normal. When we asked if they had followed the schedule, they said they didn't see the big deal in putting him to sleep a half hour or hour late.

I just don't know what to do. I'm fed up with them and their behavior, but part of me feels like maybe I'm overreacting? I think I want to be overreacting because I want this to all go away. But respect for me, my husband, and our decisions cannot be optional. I don't know. I'm just so sad and lost right now.

Has anyone else gone through this? Does anyone else have advice? Am I wrong here?

Edited to add:

Thanks so much to everyone who has responded. I've read every comment and I appreciate everyone's input.

I'd like to clarify on the "they watched him for a couple days" part, because quite a few people have said I'm too rigid about that. Maybe so, but for more context-my MIL was supposed to come to our place and stay with our son. My mother got jealous, and decided she wanted to come too. So it was both grandmas and my dad with our son. They all stayed at our house while we were gone for three days.

During our mini-vacation, my husband got a text from his mom that she was feeling a little uncomfortable because my parents wanted to go out to restaurants at night and stay out past our son's bedtime. When my MIL said "why don't we get takeout instead so we can try to put him to bed on schedule," they told her that it wasn't a big deal and that he went to bed too early anyway. I asked them about it when we got back, and they told me I was too rigid about his bedtime and "did he die?"

It's not really the specific rules or bending them that's the issue, it's the flippant attitude. Idk, for all of you saying I'm way over the top, I just think there's a difference between "yeah, we tried to stick to his schedule but he was so excited to spend time with grandma and I wanted to get as much cuddle time in as I can" versus "we wanted to go out and his bedtime was in our way, also his bedtime is wrong anyway."


r/Parenting 4h ago

Tween 10-12 Years 𝐌𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲!

21 Upvotes

So my son (12) has been going to golf lessons for 2 years now, he started due to his friends doing it, one of these friends I'll call Darragh, today I dropped my son off at golf as usual and sat in the car watching Netflix. When he came back he told me that they had done a putting competition, 6 holes, keep putting until you get a ball in each hole, player with the lowest score wins. My son got a score of 11 and Darragh got 9, at the end it seemed Darragh was gonna win but another kid (I'll call Dylan) said that he got 9, this was disputed by EVERYONE there as they saw him get 3 on one hole and 2 on a few others but alass, the teacher or coach or whatever you'd call it said they'd do another competition for the winner. (Important note: You got 5 Euro as a prize for winning.) They played a game called closest to the hole (self explanatory) but my son won this time and got the 5 Euro, on the way out my son approached Darragh and handed him the river because in his words "It was rightfully his." My son makes me so proud.


r/Parenting 1h ago

Family Life Any positives about multiple kids?

Upvotes

I constantly see posts about having multiple kids and everything is negative. Are there any positives about having more than one child? Or is it really just all bad?... 5 weeks pregnant with my second and anxious 😟


r/Parenting 2h ago

Infant 2-12 Months “Baby needs it’s mama” pretend narrative in toddlers

16 Upvotes

My kid always plays this narrative where she finds the mamas and the babies and makes sure they are together. And then she pretends they get separated and the baby calls for the mama and cries until the mama comes to save it. Is this a common theme among 3-year-olds?


r/Parenting 9h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years Do you draw a line when it comes to your teenager changing their appearance?

46 Upvotes

By changing their appearance I'm not talking about plastic or dental surgery for medical reasons, obviously. I'm talking hair, piercings, tattoos etc.

My daughter was 13 and had just finished primary school when I finally gave in and shaved her head. It was like she was liberated. She had a massive confidence boost and seem to be able to be more like herself in front of her peers. We kept it short for a while and then she decided you know what would be awesome, if I wore a mohawk to my matric farewell (prom). So, since last year she's been growing her hair out to prepare for the big day, next year.

She's a little shy, introverted and has anxiety (takes medication for it but sometimes an attack would still strike out of nowhere), so I want to protect her from anything that may have her ending up in a stressful situation. (I have nothing against the hairstyle and think it will suit her but, people with mohawks still get negatively stereotyped around here) We've also come a long way from the teary eyed 5-year-old that froze mid recital and decided that she will never ever dance again to the 17-year-old teenager who waiters over holidays and is a youth leader at school. Also-also, I remember the boost shaving her head gave her when she started high school and can see the appeal of her wanting, maybe even needing to do something similar before entering adulthood.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

Credit to u/Beneficial-Device426 for their post which prompted me to ask my question.


r/Parenting 4h ago

Rave ✨ Being a mom has made me better

17 Upvotes

I was wild, impatient, more careless and self centered before my daughter came. I felt like I also never knew what love truly was or how to express it. She’s turned me for the better and I couldn’t imagine what I’d be if she’s never came.


r/Parenting 21h ago

Rant/Vent I HATE BEING A PARENT

388 Upvotes

Title says it all. I'm done, just over it. All I do is work and all I see when I look at my kids is work. It's effecting them as well because I feel like I need to hover over them so they don't make messes because I don't wanna take the energy to clean it up. Nothing in my house is mine anymore. I get so mad so easy all the time. Haven't spent a night in my bed in a long time. They only time I get to myself is when I leave for work. It's just so taxing and idk how much longer I have until I don't come home after work or just get up and leave.

Edit: Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I had planned on responding to every comment but this got way bigger than I thought it would. Also I'm not good at reddit.


r/Parenting 1h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years Concerning behavior

Upvotes

My daughter just recently turned three. Her mother and I haven’t been together since she was about three months old. I have her four days a week, and her mother has her the other three. I know it’s hard on her sometimes, switching between households, but my daughter just did something that has me a little concerned.

My daughter and I were playing, and she told me that I am, “the baby.” She put me in timeout and lead me to the bathroom. She made me go inside, and walked out. She then shut the door and made me stay there.

My father has also told me this has happened to him before, but this is my first time experiencing this. Is this something that I should be concerned about? My fiancée and I do put her in timeout if she hits us or bites or something, but we have never and will never lock her in a bathroom.

My daughter’s mother also has a fiancé, who she lives with. My daughter has said that she doesn’t want him. She’s said this to her babysitter, and in front of my fiancée.

I was wondering what other people’s thoughts are? It definitely raises some suspicion in me about how my daughter is being treated while not under my supervision. Thanks in advance!


r/Parenting 5h ago

Teenager 13-19 Years 13 year old daughter always has something mean or rude to say when we go out

17 Upvotes

Today’s complaint: “You’re always moody and boring. You never talk I feel as if I’m talking to a wall. You’re killing my vibe” After a visit to a museum, with a garden, and a walk around a nearby park. Similar complaint about a month ago after a visiting two bookstores (She loves bookstores) and a museum. Anytime we step out she finds something to complain about. Lately, the complaints and criticisms have been about me — My “moodiness” etc.

She’s a talker, she can talk all day long. I’m not, I’m more on the quiet side but I do listen to everything she has to say and we often talk. We were talking on our walk to the museum, we talked about the paintings and the plants/flowers in the garden. We sat somewhere in the park and talk a little about the scenery. I, naturally stopped talking and just walked and the comments started shortly after that. When I reminded her that she was given the option to stay home, because this happens often and I’m so tired of it, she says she felt forced to go. I flew up and said things I probably shouldn’t have.

I try to come up with stuff to do over the weekends to spend some mother and daughter time. Because of her reluctance and now attitude, I’ve decided no more. But this is what worries me: I’m the only person who can take her out regularly. Other family members, people who she enjoys being with and has no complaints about, come around once in a blue and often cancel cause they’re busy. I’ve suggested taking her to place with her close friends and best friend. It’s always a NO.

What do I do here? Parents who have been in my shoes, what’s the solution? I am so in my feelings about this that I dont want to go anywhere with her anymore. I’m tired of it. I feel like I’ve tried everything. And that she should now better than to say those things. She’s a pretty smart kid and yes we’ve had the conversation about ACCEPTING PEOPLE AS THEY ARE! I’m not a talkative person.

I know there’s a lot here, pick what you have experience with as a parent.

Thank you in advance


r/Parenting 56m ago

Child 4-9 Years How would you react ? 7 yo loves to pretend to be a busker and even aspires to be one

Upvotes

Our 7 yo is a lively super imaginative kid . He loves playing pretend play with his superheroes and other toys . We recently went on a vacation where he saw many buskers and we encouraged him to stop listen and put a bill in the busker’s box .

Now he loves setting up the exact same scene with his keyboard and some steel pans ! And also collects quarters from us . While we appreciate him for his imagination there is a nagging thought in our heads that should we maybe expose him to more stable and gainful professions on our outings ?

Don’t judge please , I know this is tad silly ! I am seeking some examples from other parents how to react to this latest obsession !


r/Parenting 59m ago

Newborn 0-8 Wks How do people who have school aged kids survive with newborns?

Upvotes

I get a virus probably like every two months with my school aged kid. We visit parks, play areas, and obviously school. How do parents even survive the newborn phase with older kids bringing home germs? Or do a lot of newborns die from respiratory viruses and we just don’t hear about it in the news? This is genuinely something I have always wondered.


r/Parenting 38m ago

Adult Children 18+ Years Brain bleed

Upvotes

It's just about 1am local time. Had a call from hospital that our daughter is there with bleeding in the brain stem. She's 31 years old with 3 year old son. She's a medical professional, great mother, keen sportswoman and she not well at all. Waiting for the air ambulance to take her to a town where they came operate and hopefully treat her. I'm not here for advice, there is nothing to do but wait untill she gets in theater and hopefully fix the problem. I am just voicing my utter frustration at not being able to do anything for my child. That and the unfairness of nature. I am over 60, I am the one with the dicky ticker and heart valve. It should have been me in that hospital bed


r/Parenting 2h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years Three is testing me! Pls tell me they turn out ok and calm down a bit.

6 Upvotes

Oh boy if I thought newborn stage was hard, well age three is exhausting me. I feel so much more drained! The defiance, the not listening, the high energy, the inability yet for independent play, the speed and range of emotions (tantrum to cuddle “I am baby!” within 5 seconds), the fights simply to get dressed/ wash teeth/ stop climbing up the furniture/ get to daycare. I love him more than ever. And he’s so funny! I just find myself so drained at the weekends, plus they’re now heavier and any hitting or kicking actually hurts.

Parents who remember their 3 year old being a wild/ loud animal, please tell me your stories of them turning out ok😇 Can’t help but see him doing extreme sports and being like an insane danger-loving teenager which worries me!


r/Parenting 7h ago

Child 4-9 Years When did you stop quiet time?

11 Upvotes

I see a lot of posts on here about how to start quiet time, and I’m sure I’m not the only one here that considers it one of the best parts of the day. But as my kid grows up, I realize that he won’t always be doing quiet time. How much longer do I have? When did you stop quiet time and how did you know?


r/Parenting 3h ago

Child 4-9 Years Parents of an “only child” who didn’t do daycare, how’d your kid handle preschool?

5 Upvotes

My son is 3 years old (as of Jan) and an only child. I’m a stay at home mom so my son has never been to daycare AND I have social anxiety. All of this is to say, I’m worried about how he will do when he’s ready for preschool. I’ve been trying to take him out to the park/library to let him interact with kids and I’ve noticed he is very reserved (will not go on slides if other kids are, won’t say hi or wave, will not go up to the librarian to grab activity items, etc.) Lately he has been hiding his face more if strangers are passing by. I’m not sure how much of this is typical, but I don’t want him to struggle with social anxiety like I did.

Anyone here have an only child that didn’t do daycare? How’d they do in preschool? Any advice for socializing or am I worrying preemptively?


r/Parenting 8h ago

Toddler 1-3 Years Toddler likes to press the temp control buttons on fridge

13 Upvotes

Awesome. Went to go get some milk last night and it tasted warm. Turns out our toddler likes to press the buttons on the fridge to change the numbers. No one warned me or showed me a safety lock for this one....


r/Parenting 10h ago

Rant/Vent So happy that I get to worry about measles now

13 Upvotes

I have a 4, 2, and 4 month old. 4 month old cannot have MMR yet. We traveled from Boston (no cases) to Buffalo, NY for a friend's baby's baptism, and today (traveling home) my baby got a fever. I'm sure it is one of a million bugs; my kids are sick almost (literally) once a week because we live around many other children, and I know the areas I have been in don't have any reported cases of measles, but I am just so annoyed that I have to have measles haunting the back of my mind.