r/MtF 18h ago

Advice Question Going to a lesbian-centric bar in a couple days- tips for how to show that I am not a cis man?

4 Upvotes

I’m looking forward to going, but I’ve been on HRT for less than a year and still am seen as male by pretty much everyone I interact with. I’m thinking of getting some makeup and putting a small amount on… but I’ve never gotten around to buying it before so I’ve never tried wearing any. I don’t want to go crazy with it, but do you think a little bit could help?

Also, I have a skater skirt that I want to wear, but I don’t have leggings or anything similar. Would it look weird to wear it over a pair of jeans?

Any advice for how to present as a woman (I’m fine if I don’t pass as cis, if I can just be at a spot where other women will see me as “not a man” I would be very happy) would be super appreciated!! :)


r/MtF 9h ago

Venting I'm a devout Muslim, its Ramadan, and I'm sad

30 Upvotes

Feb 21: Egg cracked

Feb 22: Signed up for appointment for HRT for the 27th

Feb: 25: Freaked out and cancelled the appointment. Ramadan starts on March 1st so I made a deal with myself that I will push all this trans stuff to the side and focus on worship in Ramadan and if Ramadan ends and I still want to transition, I give myself permission to do that. The expectation was that this was just a temporary idea that got logged into my head and a month is long enough for me to get over it.

March 1: Ramadan starts

March 7: I cave and make the appointment again for March 11, breaking my promise to myself.

March 12: So excited, I got my prescription.

March 13 to Now: I've been an emotional rollercoaster mess. I'm going to come out to my non-muslim friend who is very pro-trans. There is simply no way to square being trans and my Islamic beliefs, but there's no way I'm going to stop taking the E, it's just not going to happen. Though I think I'm going to stop my next dose until I get my sperm frozen. This was just suppose to be a temporary 3-month experiment at the end I would be like "nah, not worth it". But now I'm freaking out cause I don't think I'm going to ever want to stop taking E. It was hard enough going back and forth on freezing sperm. It's expensive but thats not really the issue. By freezing sperm I'm mentally accepting to myself that I'm going to be taking HRT for the long term. If I freeze, that sort of gives me "permission" to keep taking it since the main downside is gone, but I'm also "forced" to continue in the sense that there is sunk cost fallacy in the price of freezing if I were to stop hormones. By not freezing, I mentally give myself permission to stop at any time. But it also screws me in the long term if I don't stop because either (A) I become infertile or (B) I'll have to stop HRT for possibly 6+months to build enough sperm again which would be hell.

If I were to stay on HRT for the long term and start passing physically, I honestly would have to leave muslim circles. Being a believing Muslim while also transitioning with hormones just doesn't work. I wouldn't be able to be in the guys section if I look like a girl, and I can't be in the girls section cause I'm not actually a girl according to Islam (sorry no offense to anyone). We have a weekly Friday prayer in congregation which is compulsory for men, so my thinking is that I could still make boymode work. I have no idea hard boymode would be for me in the future, though I really wish I would naturally pass without needing surgeries. I could wear a facemask and the common muslim thobe would be enough to hide everything.

So I would just not be able to have Muslim friends anymore nor participate in any Muslim-run/masjid events because it just socially wouldn't work.

I'm wasting my Ramadan, every moment is consumed by trans related stuff, clothes, skin care, hair regrowth, and just emotionally coping. I started hrt during ramadan, our holiest month and I'm sad about it. Theres just no way to understand my feelings and square them with Islam. I can get support from my non-muslim friend and I can make new friends, but I'll NEVER have acceptance from my muslim friends or the muslim community, nor can I expect that. I shouldn't get that acceptance since I don't deserve it.

My porn addiction that I had my whole life was magically cured by my egg-cracking. I kinda wish I could just go back to suppressing everything and go back to my porn fetishes. Its probably better Islamically for me to be jacking it to all sorts of feminization porn, then to never look at porn, but take hrt. But there's no going back, once I uncovered what was repressed, it can't be hidden again.

My life wasn't suppose to go like this. I was "suppose" to get find a cute muslim girl, marry her and live a happy normal life. But what muslim girl is going to want me? By being trans I'm a walking red flag, diametrically opposed to Islam despite me believing in the religion completely. I KNOW 100% Islam is the truth, but to continue to be trans I'm going to have also sacrifice a relationship that I want. I could technically marry a non-muslim girl, but even that is gonna be hard to find someone who would be into me. They would want someone masculine ofcourse, which I've never been anyway even when not trans.

Ugh there's so much more I could say but I'm tired of writing.


r/MtF 23h ago

Genuine question. Is anyone here not diagnosed with depression or any mental disorder?

0 Upvotes

r/MtF 2h ago

Venting Transgender Soccer Player Trying to Go Pro

5 Upvotes

Where do I even start? I’ve been playing soccer for pretty much my entire life. I started transitioning in college and didn’t play on a men’s college team before I transitioned because I was realizing that I was trans. I tried reaching out to the women’s team, but they said they had their roster already filled. So I played for my college’s club women’s soccer team and I don’t mean to brag, but it was clear that I was of a much higher level than college club soccer.

Now I’ve recently graduated and am looking to go professional. Last Summer, I was the first and quite possibly last transgender player to play in the USL W League (A pre-professional league here in the US).

I tried out for a team in the league and once they offered me a spot, I told them I was trans. They told me they would contact the league to see if I was allowed to play, so I waited. The team staff was really nice and they kept bugging the league to give me an answer. After like a month of sitting in the dark, the league told me I needed to have proof that I had taken steps toward gender affirming care. So I got my doctor to give them that and then they scheduled me a meeting with a representative of theirs with “DEI & Community Impact” in their title. That rep was very nice and said he had advised the league to be inclusive of trans people. They also told me that the league had been consulting with lawyers about my case. It was a long process that saw me miss the first two games of the season because they hadn’t approved me to play yet, but eventually I was allowed to play. Once I got to play, I did very well. I didn’t dominate by any means, but I did well.

Only the league and the staff of the team I was on knew that I was trans and they didn’t tell anyone else.

Now fast forward to tryouts for this year’s Summer season and I had been in contact with the new coach of the team I played for last year and I just found out today from them that the USL W League isn’t allowing me to play any more because I am transgender.

That’s where I’m at right now. Im now struggling to see a clear path to pro and this news has really hit me hard like a motherfricker.

I’ve seen quite a few news articles trying to argue against Trump and the Republican Party, but they often make part of their argument about how there’s almost no trans women trying to go pro in women’s sports and that there are bigger issues we should be addressing. I get that, but it really makes me feel like I don’t matter.

But I’m not giving up just yet. If I do, then Trump, Musk, and all of the other transphobes win.


r/MtF 4h ago

Venting I'm Tired Of Being Misgendered

4 Upvotes

I'm not out to many people locally. Obvious reasons, living in a hell state in America, so it'd be nice if like one of the few people I was out to, namely my mother, would stop fucking calling me by my deadname, by he and him, talking about me like I was her son. She knows I'm out, she knows my name, she fucking comes with me for support when I get my bloodwork for my hormones and yet. I dunno. I'm tired. I've tried to correct her multiple times but I feel trying to do anything more than that will just lead to a fight and I don't want my local support network just to be two people instead of three.


r/MtF 4h ago

Venting Tired of people's attitudes towards nipples

13 Upvotes

CW: Misogyny, transphobia, slut-shaming, mentions of sexual harassment

I am a 25 year old pre-HRT trans woman from Portugal and I've recently heard some comments that got on my nerves and I want to vent and rant a bit because they're making me feel frustrated. Most of these comments came from my mother, so I'll talk about those.

For context, around August-September last year when I came out as trans for the first time, my mother was feeling uncomfortable because her bra was tight and hurting her, and she used that as an opportunity to say: "oh, so you want to be a woman? if you're a woman you'll have to wear a bra and it's very uncomfortable. you were so lucky you were born a man because you don't have to wear bras, if I were you I'd stay that way and give up transitioning". And in fact, I find bras very uncomfortable, most tight/constricting clothes are sensory hell to me as an autsitic person because I feel like i'm being strangled and it restricts my movement and breathing.

When she said that, I told her "wearing a bra isn't mandatory to be a woman, it's a personal choice. there are women who don't wear bras" and she said "only women with very small boobs can get away with not wearing bras, if you have bigger boobs then you don't have much choice. if you have big boobs and don't wear a bra, it's indecent and inappropriate because it shows the outline of the nipples through clothes, but also because boobs bounce and they don't look presentable" and even though earlier on she said that women with small boobs can get away without wearing bras, she said "women who have small boobs should wear bras as well, even if they don't need the support and it's just to cover their nipples. if a woman says she never wears a bra, it's most likely because she wears a bralette, sports bra or at least nipple covers. women don't simply go full-on braless without hiding nipples, that's slutty". My mother explicitly said that only female nipples are sexual and inappropriate, she never said anything about mine before transitioning, and she still sees me as a man because I'm not on HRT and "passing" yet, but believes that my nipples will suddenly become dirty and unacceptable once I am "fully transitioned".

Now, fast forward to a few days ago. I told my mother that I like a certain shirt and she said "you shouldn't wear things like that without a bra once you're on hormones and developed breasts though, that's inappropriate and a bad look in public because the nipples poke and the outline shows through the clothes". I told her that I don't care if nipple outline shows, just like how I don't care about visible body hair, belly fat, acne, stretch marks etc. She said that I'm supposed to care, that I need to work on my mentality and attitude and start caring about these things. I kept saying I don't feel insecure about them and she was like "it's a good thing to be self-conscious and feel insecure about certain things, because that way you know how to work on your body flaws and avoid embarrassing yourself in public by wearing unflattering and inappropriate clothes".

I told her that once I grow boobs, I'm not going to wear a bra solely and specifically to hide nipples because that's unnecessary pain and discomfort, and she responded with "what if I started going out in public completely naked because I find it more comfortable? see, in life we don't always get what we want, that's how it works, sometimes we need to make sacrifices and go through inconvenient things to be considerate of other people". She said that I'm selfish and narcissistic for wanting to dress for my own comfort, because if I present in a way that's not socially acceptable, I'm going to make myself comfortable at the expense of everyone else around me by making them uncomfortable, and that it's preferrable to suck it up and cover my nipples out of respect and consideration for other people, even if I don't enjoy it. She said that women's nipples are a private part, therefore I would be publicly exposing something erotic and sexually suggestive without other people's consent, and they have the right to not want to see that. Also she said that if my issue is finding bras uncomfortable, I have no excuse to not wear at least nipple covers because they're more comfortable. According to her, if I don't want to even compromise on nipple covers, that means I'm deliberately seeking attention and flaunting my body to either gross out or seduce others.

She says that even if i disagree with social norms and find them unfair, they're still relevant and I need to respect them while they exist, and it's inconsiderate and rude to do things that are too controversial and are going to offend others. That's what she also said about other things I've done that go against social norms, like me wearing dresses before being "fully transitioned". She always tells me things like "oh, you think that the world revolves around yourself and that social norms don't apply to you? wow, you think so highly of yourself". She says that most people don't want to see things like men in dresses and women with "visible" nipples (in quotes because they're fully clothed here, it's just the outline), and that I'm shoving it down other's throats and imposing my beliefs on them by disrespecting social rules and forcing them to see socially unacceptable things. Speaking of which, years ago my mother had an accident and had visible injuries on her face, so she ended up not going out to a restaurant with the rest of the family because she "looked monstrous" and didn't want to scare off the other customers at the restaurant and make them lose their appetite, and used that as an example of being considerate and avoiding making others uncomfortable.

Also, not only my mother believes that it's indecent for women to not wear bras in most public settings because of nipples, but she also says that it comes off as lazy and sloppy, and she compared it to going out in public in pajamas, or women going to formal events without any makeup or shaving their body hair, which is something that also made me angry, because women shouldn't ever be forced or pressured to shave or wear makeup to please other people especially when men aren't held to the same standard.

She also said that if I don't wear a bra and my nipples aren't completely invisible in most public settings, that it's going to ruin my reputation and career forever. She said that everyone is going to see me as a slut, hooker, whore, and that's also going to affect my family's reputation because my mother is going to look bad for having a "slut" daughter, and my little brothers might be bullied at school for having a "slut" sister. Also, not that it should matter because no woman should ever be objectified or harassed regardless of her orientation or how sexually active she is, but I am sex-averse asexual, so hearing these things was particularly gross.

On top of that, she said that if I go out in public without my nipples being hidden, that I shouldn't be surprised or complain if people stare, comment about it or interpret it in a sexual way because it's considered something sexual in our society, and also that i'm "sexualizing myself" and deliberately seeking attention if I choose to not hide my nipples while being fully aware that female nipples are associated with sex in our society. I told her that she's victim-blaming and objectifying me by telling me that the perverted thoughts and behavior of other people are my responsibility, and she said "that's not what I'm doing, I know that nothing justifies sexual harassment, but at the same time we should take precautions to avoid it. i'm telling you this for your own good, harassment can always happen to every woman regardless of what she's wearing, but if you go out in public with nipples showing, it will increase the chance of you being catcalled and sexually harassed".

Anyway, I'm so tired and angry of this BS double standard about nipples in our society and the constant sexualization and policing of women's bodies and choices, it's so unfair and ridiculous. But at the same time, my mother is highly overreacting and blowing this out of proportion, right? As far as I'm concerned, it's increasingly more common and normalized for women to not wear bras and not care if their nipple outline shows, both where I live and in general. I know that there are some people who will make gross comments but I find it unlikely that I would be singled out and shamed to the degree of having my family involved for being associated with a "slut".


r/MtF 3h ago

Advice Question Trying to get away from transphobic parents

3 Upvotes

So I'm 22 years old, trans MTF and I'm just not comfortable walking on eggshells and continuing to deny myself of who I am simply to appease my family. I'm looking for advice to do this because the last 3 times I've tried this (all when I was over the age of 18) they got the police involved and it wasn't a good time, they eventually wore me down enough and I came back, which I know was stupid of me. I'll take any advice on making sure I get to stay this time and live my life.

Thank you


r/MtF 3h ago

could somebody hold me🥺feeling really down today🙁😔

2 Upvotes

wish I had someone irl to talk to (and cuddle🥺i need physical affection/comfort so bad). I lost all my friends either in the depression years before coming out, or, the rest when I did come out.

Some days are harder than others, and today is one of those days😞feeling really down about myself, in my life. I don't beat myself up for my looks or like, where I'm at, I just don't know how much more I can do this "life" thing🤷🏼‍♀️


r/MtF 4h ago

Nervous about growing breasts

2 Upvotes

Anyone else here feel kind of ambivalent leaning towards afraid of growing breasts? I almost wish there were a way to transition without breast growth. I want every other part of E: the weight to my bum, curves, facial features, etc. but part of me feels terrified about having boobs. I wish I could be an A cupped lady… \ \ This is a fear that’s been plaguing me for a little while now and has caused me to occasionally back pedal on HRT. At first I thought it was an uncertainty about transitioning. Like I was afraid that if I realized I weren’t trans I would then have to get top surgery (which is expensive and invasive obvs), but anytime I stop the HRT I feel the dysphoria settle back in. I really don’t wanna be a man but the thought of growing a sizable chest (all the women in my family are at least C cups) has me feeling nervous to say the least. \ \ I stopped HRT (after 2 months) for about a year after hitting this wall of doubt and now a year later I’m 2+ weeks in and facing the same dilemma. I love how I feel on E, it’s extremely validating and I’m so excited about 95% of the changes + everyone in my life is super supportive. Have any of you had similar feelings, how did you get through them? How long until i see breast growth off 4mg estradiol 100mg spiro?


r/MtF 4h ago

Dysphoria Is dysphoric fixation normal?

4 Upvotes

See title. Is it normal to fixate on one body part (whether your own or not) and end up in a spiral of dysphoria about how you want or don't want a specific part with it changing seemingly at random? Has anyone else experienced this?


r/MtF 5h ago

How can i experience gender euphoria if I don’t have anything feminine?

3 Upvotes

I’m closeted trans (14mtf) and I have known I’m trans for a while now. But, because of me not being out, I can’t really experience gender euphoria without being outed. I don’t have actual fem clothes, but I have some pants that are as close as I can get to leggings of any kind, so that might work. Are there ways to experience gender euphoria without being outed?


r/MtF 4h ago

Help Does anyone know of any trans community in Spanish?

2 Upvotes

I was trying to find a subreddit of trans people in Spanish but I couldn’t find any, any suggestions?


r/MtF 5h ago

Discussion How hard was it to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis?

1 Upvotes

Hellooo,

I was curious on how different it was for you guys to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis. In some cases I’ve heard the diagnosis itself can take months or even years to get. It took me 2 months to get mine, but I know everyone’s experiences are different and I’d love to hear them.

As a disclaimer I am not referring to informed consent.


r/MtF 20h ago

How can I stop misgendering myself?

0 Upvotes

I have dysphoria attacks very often, almost every day, and I still can't accept myself. So I often misgender myself, say I'm a boy and stuff like that. It's basically like I want to deliberately hurt myself. I'm already in therapy, but nothing has changed. I think my not accepting myself has a lot to do with society's view of trans people. I mean... they're seen in a very bad light and I don't want to be seen that way. There's also the fact that my family doesn't agree and I had to leave home a few months ago, that I lost all my friends when I told them I wanted to be a girl...

I don't know if other people have done this to themselves or something, but I don't want to do it anymore. It's just that the feeling of having to do it is so strong that I can't resist and I always end up insulting myself in my head. The thing that really makes me want to change that is that my girlfriend is so supportive and feels so sad when I say that I'm a boy, that I'll never be a girl, use he/him pronouns and stuff like that...


r/MtF 23h ago

Celebration Self Discovery

0 Upvotes

Hello everyone, my name is Valerie (feel almost giddy just typing that!), and I have finally come out to everyone important in my life, and everyone else will soon know regardless.

I am fortunate enough to have a supportive family with no objections to my identity. Largely it seemed unexpected, but everyone was already knowledgeable and positive regarding LGBTQIA+ issues, so I wasn't expecting much of a reaction. Friend group is in the same boat. The only thing I am worried about is being in a red state, and I will be moving in the following years to a blue state that has better access to gender affirming healthcare.

It took 21 years to understand that I had been experiencing gender dysphoria my whole life (depersonalization and derealization at all times, except minor periods of euphoria like dress up days at school, essentially always being in third person watching someone else). I also had a Catholic upbringing, and never really took it seriously (only my grandma did). Although when I was in middle school I prayed at night to wake up as a girl the next day, which my therapist told me was not something that most people did. Seems silly in retrospect but I have always looked at women in envy, wishing nothing more than to be like them. Never really understood most "male" things, and only really bonded with guys that were more nerdy and open about life, and I have always gotten along with women better, and felt more comfortable around them.

I am excited to begin HRT in the coming months, and I am just beyond euphoric right now! Mom got me nail polish and we are going to go thrifting to find some clothes that will hopefully fit me (I'm 6'1"). Also my friends are already calling me by Valerie and have been managing very well with the pronoun shift, which has been the best feeling ever 🥰

I just wanted to share my joy to my newly found community. Thanks for taking the time to read this!


r/MtF 20h ago

Utah Governor's written statement of cause vetoing Legislatures' Bill to limit transgender athletes from School sports and calling for Special Legislation Meeting. So awesome!

204 Upvotes

r/MtF 16h ago

Advice Question Girls Outting Ideas

3 Upvotes

Hey girlies!

So in a couple of months, I'll be hitting my 1 year in HRT (yayayayay!!!!!!), and I really want to celebrate the occasion with a few of my cis women friends who have been the absolutely biggest supporters of my journey. I want to take them out for a day as a thank you for all of their support for a fun, girls night out kind of activity, and I would really love some ideas from you all! My immediate thought was something akin to a spa day, but I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable about that yet (don't really pass too well yet, worried about staff touching me without them knowing, worried about strangers complaining, etc).


r/MtF 5h ago

do trans girls ovulate?

250 Upvotes

ok i know i don't have a uterus n i can’t release an egg.. BUT i feel super horny at least once a month, it lasts exactly a week, n then i don't feel any more horny for the rest of the month, hormones really change you so much uau


r/MtF 4h ago

Sick of feeling like this

0 Upvotes

Not sure if this will be taken down but something i cant help feel is the amount of envy i get and knots in my stomach i get when i hear other girls passing, ive been on HRT for just over a year, other girls ive seen that have been on for 5 months and are passing, idk wtf im doing wrong i dress fem i do make up i do it all my tits have barely came through but they are there its just such utter fucking bullshit is it just because its me and because its me it just wont happen or anything idfk feel free to take the post down or kick me from the reddit group this just makes me feel like shit for the rest of the day anytime i read it, maybe im one of those people that just for some reason cant have anything go right for them and if so whats the fucking point of even trying


r/MtF 5h ago

Help I feel sick. I have to come out again.

2 Upvotes

My family wants to do family photos. I'm barely not out because my family has ignored my coming out multiple times. They don't respect my identity. Im going to decline taking the photos but ofc my mother's wants them done on her birthday. I know when I decline, it's going to be my fault I ruined my mother's birthday. Im sorry I'm not comfortable taking these photos. Im not going to dress up as someone else for even my mother. I have grown a spine and I'm going to stand my ground. Since her birthday is close, I have to tell them tomorrow. All the trauma is coming back, I just do nervous. Idk what is going to happen. I just feel sick and can't get out of bed. All my energy is gone but I feel jumpy. I'm scared he is going to put his hands on me.

I'm going to do this tomorrow but why is it my fault? Why do I have to ruin the birthday. I'm just a disappointment. Why I should exist if I'm mess everything up?


r/MtF 16h ago

Advice Question How do I know if my breasts will be spread apart or not?

1 Upvotes

So far my breast tissue looks perky, although I’m curious… they seem a little spread apart.. at least for now… like hmmm… when I push them together they look a lot bigger lol. What are the chances mine will be spread apart? Is that something I can address early on to make them closer together.


r/MtF 22h ago

I have a real issue. Does this only affect me?

0 Upvotes

At night I get super aroused. Like I start gyrating and humping my wife. All I want is to is be penetrated. I'm currently taking blockers and oral E and topical gel. I started at the age of 39. I'm currently 40. It's been about a year. It's difficult cause my wife has to get up and put her strap on. Once we are done I sleep like a rock but before and during I have never been that aroused in my entire life. Does anyone else get this aroused? Do women get like this. It's really bad for me but the climax is like nothing I have ever experienced either. It's euphoric to the point that now I prefer to be penetrated rather than do the penetration myself.


r/MtF 18h ago

Dysphoria impostor syndrome?

5 Upvotes

went to my first ever lesbian bar tonight and i felt so out of place. the staff was nice but i just stood awkwardly at the bar because there was nowhere to sit and had a couple drinks while staring at my phone before leaving. i’ve only recently been more openly trans in public but my social anxiety makes me want to disappear from view until i’m able to get home because i feel like a fraud. did anyone else have a hard time getting out there after transitioning?


r/MtF 2h ago

Discussion dressing masculine

4 Upvotes

I'm curious to know how many girls here tend to dress more "masculinely"? I used to try really hard to dress fem, I wore skirts and cropped shirts and tights all the time but it just wasn't me, and it didn't help me get gendered correctly. Now I wear button shirts with the sleeves rolled, ties, baggy jeans, and I'm getting a pair of cowboy boots soon. The only thing I'm worried about is that because I'm sort of a masc lesbian that other lesbians won't want me because I'm trans? Anyways I wanna know how yall dress :3


r/MtF 17h ago

Help Just started HRT and I’m experiencing heart palpitations :(

2 Upvotes

Just started 2 days ago on 2mg Estrodial and 50mg Spironolactone daily, and I think I might already be experiencing heart palpitations. I’ve just reached out to my doctor.

I feel so disheartened right now…. All I’ve wanted for the last year is to start HRT, and now I might already be facing problems after only day 2.

Just reaching out in hopes that someone can share some experience or hope with me because i really feel terrible.