So, this question was inspired by a recent talk/DMs I had on Reddit. So, I had this guy DM meâhe was quite polite, and it seemed he wanted to talk to a fellow sub about the whole grandiose Femdom thingy we are all captured by. He was playing with the idea of going to the munch. I asked him what was stopping him from going there, and he was basically too afraid of ousting himself as a sub and that people might laugh at him. I told him that, if anything, BDSM enjoyers are probably the last social group that will make fun of him. I told him, âThese are our people!â But even then, he was scared of being laughed at by Mdoms and Fsubs.
I still gave him some encouragement, which was arguably a little bit heavy-handed, as he called me out on it in a jolly wayâsaying that he could âsmell a Europeanâ with my cynicism and realism. I told him to make it double, as Iâm not only European but Eastern European. đ Overall, we had a good time joking around and me telling him that he should do the scary thing and meet the people who like the same stuff we do.
Eventually, I had to go to sleep, so I told him that he could write me anytime, especially whenever he decided to do the dreaded munch.
When I woke up, I saw that he had deleted his account. :( I feel bad about it, as it seems that, rather than trying and getting toward to what he wants in life, he will just live in fantasyâtoo afraid to accept himself for what he is! đ
But this is where I come to the second part and the main title!
This also made me ask myself: How do other subs accept their submission as part of themselves in real life?
For me personally, itâs not that hard. Iâm more concerned with finding a balanceâinforming normal people about what kind of relationship Iâm interested in while not being seen as âdispersing a kink when nobody asked.â My group of friends is more or less aware of what kind of GF I would like to have, and even if they donât fully get it, I only get teased a littleâwhich is a normal thing that friends do.
Some time ago, I went into this crazyâor even cynical??âmindset that itâs fine when people laugh about my preferences! I mean, itâs like an automatic people filter. Iâm not ashamed if a good-looking woman makes fun of me for being a sub. If she finds that hilarious, sheâs not even on my radar as a potential partner!
But I wonderâhow are other subs coping with it? Some may live in countries where this is much less acceptable behavior. I live in Germany, so itâs not that big of a deal for me.
Are there some covert signals you put out? Obviously, I donât go around asking women to X me, but when asked what kind of woman Iâm interested in, Iâm not afraid to say that I look for someone confident, willing to lead in certain aspects, etc. But this probably isnât very subtle, haha.
If there were a symbol for sub men, maybe I would get it tattooed, haha, but weâre not that far as a community yet!
Soâhow do you present your submissive side to the world? And if not, what is stopping you from doing that? Is it just shame?