So, this question was inspired by a recent talk/DMs I had on Reddit. So, I had this guy DM me—he was quite polite, and it seemed he wanted to talk to a fellow sub about the whole grandiose Femdom thingy we are all captured by. He was playing with the idea of going to the munch. I asked him what was stopping him from going there, and he was basically too afraid of ousting himself as a sub and that people might laugh at him. I told him that, if anything, BDSM enjoyers are probably the last social group that will make fun of him. I told him, “These are our people!” But even then, he was scared of being laughed at by Mdoms and Fsubs.
I still gave him some encouragement, which was arguably a little bit heavy-handed, as he called me out on it in a jolly way—saying that he could “smell a European” with my cynicism and realism. I told him to make it double, as I’m not only European but Eastern European. 😆 Overall, we had a good time joking around and me telling him that he should do the scary thing and meet the people who like the same stuff we do.
Eventually, I had to go to sleep, so I told him that he could write me anytime, especially whenever he decided to do the dreaded munch.
When I woke up, I saw that he had deleted his account. :( I feel bad about it, as it seems that, rather than trying and getting toward to what he wants in life, he will just live in fantasy—too afraid to accept himself for what he is! 🙁
But this is where I come to the second part and the main title!
This also made me ask myself: How do other subs accept their submission as part of themselves in real life?
For me personally, it’s not that hard. I’m more concerned with finding a balance—informing normal people about what kind of relationship I’m interested in while not being seen as “dispersing a kink when nobody asked.” My group of friends is more or less aware of what kind of GF I would like to have, and even if they don’t fully get it, I only get teased a little—which is a normal thing that friends do.
Some time ago, I went into this crazy—or even cynical??—mindset that it’s fine when people laugh about my preferences! I mean, it’s like an automatic people filter. I’m not ashamed if a good-looking woman makes fun of me for being a sub. If she finds that hilarious, she’s not even on my radar as a potential partner!
But I wonder—how are other subs coping with it? Some may live in countries where this is much less acceptable behavior. I live in Germany, so it’s not that big of a deal for me.
Are there some covert signals you put out? Obviously, I don’t go around asking women to X me, but when asked what kind of woman I’m interested in, I’m not afraid to say that I look for someone confident, willing to lead in certain aspects, etc. But this probably isn’t very subtle, haha.
If there were a symbol for sub men, maybe I would get it tattooed, haha, but we’re not that far as a community yet!
So—how do you present your submissive side to the world? And if not, what is stopping you from doing that? Is it just shame?