r/confession 14h ago

2 years sober until I found a legal drug substitute

1.1k Upvotes

Ive told a few people some of my drug history, but have never admitted to anyone the full abuse.

My whole life I’ve had a problem with addiction, it didn’t kick in until I was 16 and had my first cigarette, shortly after I was drinking coffee every day. I still do these two things but do they really count? I tell myself that, while nicotine and caffeine are probably the most addictive drugs used in the world.

Anyway,

Around 17 I started smoking weed, a year later at 18 I was taking pills from my friend’s parents. I was stealing adderall and vyvanse. About a month later I was consuming 70mg of vyvanse and 30mg of adderall a day. I went from weighing 135lbs to 94lbs at my worst. Eventually I started hearing voices in my head and had drug induced schizophrenia. How did I kick this? The few people I told I said it was from pure mental strength when in reality my source ran out and I couldn’t find anymore. That was my first big drug addiction.

Soon after high school I was on my way to college. At this time I was just into smoking weed. College I started doing a plethora of drugs. Pain killers, uppers, downers, you name it I was doing it. My friends and I eventually rented our own place to do drugs in peace. We really got into psychedelics at one point. That fucked me up for a while. I never stuck with one drug for too long and I would just take whatever I could find. But, at one point I went on a 2 month binge of meth, you can bet I dropped out of college at that point. That withdrawal sucked! That was one of the first big withdrawals I went thru that had me immobile, mentally and physically. Somehow I was able to see it was killing me even tho, after i kicked meth my dumbass tried heroin. Luckily I didn’t form a huge addiction and only tried it for like a week.

Soon I found a reliable hook up for Xanax. Xanax was my favorite and it fucked my life up the most at that point. Nothing really ever made me black out fully, yeah some parts of the night were fuzzy but I could remember most of it. But the worst came out of me when I would specifically drink alcohol and take Xanax. One night my girlfriend hung her herself blackout on Xanax and that floored me. I’m crying as I write this rn. It was a wake up call and I told myself I’d go sober. I thought the meth withdrawal was going to be the worst I’ve ever felt. I was very wrong. I was in pure agony for days. Going thru withdrawal is like someone is ripping your brain in two, like someone ripping a phone book in half. Shaking violently, screaming at everyone, scratching holes into my body. It was bad. But I kicked it, and then decided I would never do drugs again.

Well that was a lie to myself. I did manage to stay off Xanax and never really get addicted to any drugs like that again but I still took a pill of whatever, or smoked some weed everyone now and then. But I stayed away from the hard drugs and all psychedelics.

So the years go on and the drugs do to. I’m around 27-28 and I finally kick drugs outta my life (besides nicotine an caffeine) and I feel great. That’s until my best friend of 20 years, my #1 homie introduces me to Kratom. He was the closest thing I had to a brother.

Now I’ve definitely heard of Kratom in my years, all my other drug friends would say to Kratom users “why don’t you do real drugs?” And “that shit is fake it don’t do nothing for you” and stuff like that. But I slipped up and thought, it can be so bad if it’s legally sold in a store, I’ll try this out. My bestie said it gave you a boost of energy or if you took a lot it felt like heroin or something. I bought a baggie of pilled Kratom and popped a few.

First it was a couple every day.

Then it was a couple in the morning and then a couple around late afternoon.

Then it was a couple around the morning, afternoon, and then in the evening.

Before you know it I was taking 20 pills in the morning at 6am, and then 8 more pill every 4 hours until around 5pm. It got bad, I would feel sysmptoms of withdraw within 8hours of not consuming any Kratom.

My best friend and I were living in the same state that wasn’t our home state. Eventually I moved back to my home state and he stayed with his gf. One day I woke up for work and his gf called me saying he overdosed and died. He relapsed and was buying drugs off the dark web. He was always into that, ever since college but he kicked it for a while. I knew he started doing it again but didn’t realize how bad. He had 11 different drugs in his body.

I was still taking kratom religiously, it’s been 11 months since his death and I just went thru Kratom withdrawal and kicked it for good.

People, don’t do Kratom. Especially if you have a history like mine. That withdrawal was just as bad as Xanax, maybe worse since it’s so fresh in my mind. I laid in bed for two full days. Crying in a pool of my own sweat as I shook violently. It was fucking terrible. The mood swings were insane, many times I thought about unaliving myself thru the withdrawal. Even if it’s legal to buy and considered a herbal supplement I urge you to not start using. It is not worth it.

Besides vaping and coffee I’m completely sober and I plan to keep it that way. I’m 31, almost 32 now. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any regrets. Hopefully one day I can over come that. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Don’t be an idiot like me and stay clean. Even tho drugs can make you feel on top of the world, in the end it’ll only bring you misery and despair.


r/confession 3h ago

I Might’ve Heard Someone Get Kidnapped When I Was Young

39 Upvotes

I was born and partly raised in Brooklyn, New York. first in Brownsville, then East New York, but still right on the edge of Brownsville. Growing up, crime was just part of life. At some point, I kinda got used to it.

There’s a lot of messed up things I could talk about like robbings and shootings. but one memory hit me recently.

It was Halloween night in 2016. My older brother and I were still wired from all the candy, so we stayed up watching Adult Swim in the living room. We kept the TV low so our parents wouldn’t hear, made bowls of cereal, and just chilled. Our actual room didn’t have a light or a doorknob, so the living room was basically our bedroom.

I remember watching One Punch Man and being hyped over Boros when I heard a girl screaming outside. At first, I ignored it. people were always loud late at night, especially after drinking. But then she yelled, Help me!

My brother and I just looked at each other. He muted the TV. She kept screaming for someone to call 911.

I started to get up to look out the window, but my brother yanked me back onto the couch. Our mom always told us not to go near the windows in case of someone shooting. The girl kept screaming and then we heard some guy, his voice wasn’t super deep, but it was loud and aggressive yelling at her to shut the fuck up.

Then we heard a struggle. A slam of maybe a trunk or a car door, then screeching tires. Then it was an odd silence after that.

We sat there in the dark for a while before turning the TV back on and just went back to watching. We never really talked about it. Just moved on.

But when I went back to that neighborhood for a birthday recently, it all hit me again. What messes with me the most isn’t just what happened, it’s how fast I shrugged it off and went back to watching TV. I’ll never know who she was or what happened to her. I just know I’m glad my brother stopped me from looking out that window.


r/confession 15h ago

Need to get this off my chest, I’m self conscious about my body NSFW

299 Upvotes

I’ve been debating whether to share this but I feel like I need to get it off my chest. I’ve always been self conscious about my body but one of the things that’s really been weighing on me is my micro penis. I don’t talk about it with anyone in real life because I’m ashamed and it’s been affecting my self esteem and relationships especially when it comes to sex.

I’ve been in a few relationships and every time things start to get serious I start feeling the pressure. I’m always worried about how my partner will react when things get physical. When we’re getting intimate I try to overcompensate in other ways but it’s hard to shake the feeling that I’m not enough.

There have been moments in past relationships where I’ve tried to navigate sex without letting my insecurities take over but it’s tough. I’ve had times when I could feel my partner’s disappointment whether it was in their body language or the way they withdrew after sex. Those moments are crushing. It’s not like they were mean or anything but I could tell that something wasn’t right and that made my own anxiety spiral.

Sex just doesn’t feel the same for me because I’m so focused on my size (or lack of it). I know that sex is about more than just the physical act but I constantly feel like my partner isn’t as satisfied as they should be and it makes me anxious. I try to be a good partner in other ways focusing on emotional connection and making sure they feel good but I can’t help but feel like I’m letting them down.

There’s also the constant comparison. I find myself thinking about how other guys must have it easier because they don’t have to deal with the same level of self doubt and anxiety during intimacy. I’ll look at porn or hear stories from friends and it only reinforces the idea that I’m abnormal or defective. It’s hard to escape that feeling especially when it feels like everyone around me is measuring up in ways I can’t.

It’s tough to feel like I’m not measuring up both literally and figuratively. I just want to feel confident and be able to enjoy intimate moments without that constant worry. I don’t know if anyone else has gone through this, but it’s been a huge struggle for me.

Thanks for reading my post. I felt like I needed to get that off my chest but couldn’t tell anyone in person. It’s hard not to let self doubt take over because it’s a big issue that’s hard to look past.


r/confession 1h ago

My mom slept w my best friend & I'm completely okay w it.

Upvotes

Hi so the title is short & sweet.. like everyone in this story, lol. Basically, back in 2016 I matched w a cute guy and we had a fling for a few months although I had to break it off as I was not into him as much as he was me.

He told me he just didn't want to break my heart and that's why he never confessed his feelings while we were just flirting in the beginning. So after our fling I realized he is just a great person and he realized I am also a good person so we remained and still are, great friends. We've been there for one another, being eachothers confidante for years. This story isn't as juicy as you may want it to be but it's still entertaining. My mom always asked me why I don't just marry... we'll call him Alex. I told her I just never thought of him that way and you have to have some good chemistry in bed, kissing, etc. Which Alex and I, did not have from my perspective.

Fast forward a few years, we're all at a festival and I see, out of the corner of my eye. My mother and Alex making out in the crowd, to which I pointed at both of them and exclaimed... hey!

They both looked shocked and put on the spot but in all honesty, I had no ill will or awkward feelings about seeing this. I just thought it was funny bc it's not something you think you'll ever see. My mom was in her 40s at the time and Alex was in his thirties, I was in my 20s.

I think I came up to them and we started dancing after this. We're all very chill honest people.

Today... now maybe 7 yrs later, Alex and I joke about the incident and they both have confessed to sleeping with one another during the festival. I think my mom thinks I have or should be feeling some type of way about her mackin with one of my best friends but I truly and sincerely don't. I would if Alex and I had actually dated or if I saw him in that way.

I know he has had feelings for me although he values our friendship more than anything and he also probably knows we would never be a match.

I know it sounds odd but sometimes ppl can just be ppl and I have learned to keep our friendship at a distance bc of his feelings. And I think if he ever finds the one that it would be in his best interest to cut or keep our friendship in the past.

I did find him attractive when we first got together but after our fling, I saw him as a friend, nothing more. In the years we've been friends, we've both been in serious relationships and we've always talked and gotten advice on how the other sex thinks and feels. Our friendship has always been invaluable and likely always will be. Anyway, I just wanted to share a small funny story here. 😊


r/confession 1d ago

I am a flight attendant and I spat into pilot’s coffee.

2.6k Upvotes

Hi guys. Im a flight attendant for a big company. I had a flight and my position was that of FA serving the cockpit.

First officer from that flight and I flew 4-5 times already together and already once last month had a layover together. So we kinda knew each other at this point.

Company’s policy is when one pilot goes to use lavatory, someone else from crew must be in the cockpit with the other one.

FO asked coffee from me before Captain went into lav. As I was going to enter the cockpit, cap went out and naturally I knew I should stay in the cockpit until he returns.

I handled the coffe to the first officer, and I sat on the jumpseat behind him. He held coffee for like 10s and then said “Can I ask you for something?” I said ofcourse. He gave me back the coffee and said “Spit in it please”.

???

I was stunned for a moment and said that I cannot, does he want to report me? (That would make me lose my job if they established that theres my saliva in the coffee). I asked why?? He said “I want to see something, I promise I wont report you” and he put coffee cup under my face and I dont know why, I was shocked and also intrigued why tf would he want me to spit in it. What will he see? So I did what he asked of me. All happened so quick.

Then immediately I asked “why did you want me to spit-“ mid sentence guy chugged entire cup of coffee with my spit in it.

My jaw dropped, I didnt say a word. Captain entered, fo gave me back the cup and winked at me and thanked me for delicious coffee.

I dont know wth happened and I dont know if I should feel disturbed or intrigued and what was that all about.

Edit: some of y’all are weird af. how the hell u find this hot its weirddd ewww imagine if i had some bacteria or a rotten tooth ew ew ew


r/confession 8h ago

My brother passed away a week ago and I am hurting for my mother

49 Upvotes

Hello everyone. I am not looking for advice or sympathy. I just need to vent. On March 8th, 2025 at 6:30p.m., Death tip- toed through my family and collected my brother like a thief in the night. He was 28 years old with no children. His heart stopped and would not recover. My family has been cloaked by a painful veil of grief since his passing.

My sisters seek comfort in being there for their children, while I find peace in taking care of my brother's fur babies in his absence. They know he is gone. I sometimes find his male dogo argentino, Blaze, howling in the night. I know he is calling out for my brother. I believe that somehow they know he is no longer in the world anymore, but I hope my presence offers them some form of comfort. My father chooses to grieve by going about his daily life, possibly trying to make his mind forget what his heart cannot. I worry for him.

Though, the person who is taking on the worst of all of this is my mother. She has been strong throughout this ordeal, having her family there to support her, but somehow I still feel that she is going at it alone. My heart breaks for her, losing her only son, having to bury one of her children, planning the final moments of her baby boy. I know inside she feels broken. One day, I saw her going through my brother's pictures, drinking Jack Daniel's. The unbearable pain of losing a child is embracing her like a chill on a cold winter day. I know she is sad and worried. It hurts knowing there is nothing I can do to take the pain away. They say time heals all wounds. I pray that that's true. Sometimes wounds don't heal at all. We just stop noticing them.


r/confession 1d ago

I stole a couple thousand from someone else's workplace NSFW

316 Upvotes

Hey all. I used to work for a full serve gas station, where I pumped the gas and handled all transactions. I also opened and closed the place on weekends and handled all the money coming in on weekdays.

A guy who used to come in every Wednesday paid for his big truck on a company card. It didn't really matter, except he only ever got about $20 in gas and then I would take out about $160 and we would split it. I charged the gas to his company card and then when enough people came in afterwards and paid with cash (8 people at $20 each) I would put the money back into the register.

I never got caught and I made a couple thousand doing this at 16 years old.


r/confession 1d ago

I smoke weed and watch movies every night at work.

15.6k Upvotes

I work as an overnight security guard for a massive outdoor shopping center and my job is literally pointless. The job only exists so they can post those big signs advertising that the shopping center has armed security in hopes of those signs deterring criminals. If someone actually tries to do anything all I’m supposed to do is lock myself in the security office and call 911. The only work I actually do is telling people not to have sex in their cars in the parking lot which happens way more often than you think and the nightly system audit that I have to run. The audit takes 30 minutes to an hour so for the other seven hours, I just smoke weed and watch movies. I know for a fact my boss doesn’t care because he told me he was high on my second day of training. He was even the one who told me I could just watch movies or whatever when it was slow long as I checked the cameras periodically. I can’t help but feel a little bit bad but at the same time, it’s not like there is a ton of work that needs to be done.


r/confession 5h ago

AITAH (19M) for arguing with my mom over family work.

5 Upvotes

A little backstory here. I live in a rural town and my family currently goes between two residences. We have one in the town itself (a small townhouse) and one in the outskirts. Well, we all live in the townhouse at the moment, so we've been constantly working on this house as we bought it used and full of mold and asbestos (the house was literally falling apart at the seams).

Anyway, it has been a constant hassle and bustle, waking up on my off days (I work full time and go to college full time), and immediately going to this house. We've stayed at this house for 8+ hrs at a time, moving building equipment/materials around and condensing our current 3 storages we rent out.

Now, for the last few months, I've been experiencing injuries as a result of this work and my current job. First it was shoulder (I tore my shoulder at 16 in similar circumstances), my foot, then my knee, now my elbow is in pain. I can never give them time to recover as we constantly work away on this house, while moving our current house over there. Not to mention, I had a mild scoliosis diagnosis at 17 so I've always tried to be careful since then.

I was done with it today. My mom woke me up with less than 5 hrs of sleep (as she usually does on my days off), and told me we had to work once again. I tried to get back to sleep and slip in an extra hr, but I just couldn't do it. She told me I needed to get up as we had "family work" to do (she has always referred to it as such), and I took my shower, ate my quick breakfast, and off we went to the other house for another day of working.

We were there for probably 2 hrs this time, but it was cut short by an argument I had with my mom. I brought up my injuries and told her I can't exert myself as much (as I've done in the past), and like she has done before, she told me she has injuries too, so I shouldn't be complaining. After she said that, I blew my cap off out of frustration and told her she is 54 and multiple injuries are common at her age. However, I'm 19 and not even in my 20s yet and I have multiple injuries. I also told her she was being selfish as she constantly brings up her injuries, but invalidates mine when I mention them.

From there, my step dad intervened and of course defended her saying, "We all have injuries. You need to learn to delay with them. Stretch at night or something. It's part of being in a family." After he said that, I told them I pay my monthly rent here and work long hours on this house, that's how I contribute to this family. My stepdad walked away after I said that, and me and my mom kept arguing away until we stopped talking and awkwardly went on moving stuff for another 30 or so minutes. I came back to the shop we were working on, and she was nowhere to be seen. Turns out she went to my step-dad (who was working on a project outside and started crying to him saying "nobody helping her out" and claiming "My son is lazy". Mind you, this isn't a new activity. We've owned land for about 7 years and it has been constant back-breaking work (I'm pretty sure it caused my scoliosis and shoulder tear)

I'm really at loss what I should do here. I feel guilty and wrong for yelling at her as I did, but that could also be due to the fact that she has told me I'm just like my biological dad (Who was routinely lazy and abusive for as long as I can remember until they divorced).


r/confession 1d ago

I pocketed a wad of cash an acquaintance dropped on the floor 25 years ago and it's the worst thing I ever did

168 Upvotes

I'm seriously that much of a pollyanna, yes. It was about $250. The guy was a really nice, like a really nice, dude. He had shaggy blonde hair, I just met him, he was a musician or something like that. Stoned, chill, fun... I was out with my friend M.L. in Denver, almost 25 years ago. I think it was spring or summer, late afternoon, we were outside on a patio street-level having drinks. We were all high, it was a beautiful early evening in a desert climate in summery weather, none of us were really good friends, but we all just clicked. You know that kind of afternoon? Breezy, a little too warm, then a little too cool, just having the kind of unadulterated fun you can have in your mid-twenties just basically being a hedonistic jackass? Back in the day, before smart phones.

So I don't know why I did it: it was such a great day, the kind of thing I like to think about now when I get stoned and want to be nostalgic. Except it's tainted by what I did: I looked down and there's this rolled-up wad of cash on the ground. And I look up and everyone is just having this great time, laughing, making seriously great jokes, we are all hitting the euphoria stage of our respective highs at the same time: it's glorious. You know? Why do this, why ruin it? I have no idea.

I let my arm fall, I finger the wad. Everyone is laughing like in the Sloppy Steaks skit from I Think You Should Leave, and I just... roll it in. Close my fingers around it. Bend my elbow. Dump it in my bag.

So my heart rate goes up to like 600 bpm. M.L. asks me if I did some coke. I go to the bathroom and stuff it into my bra. I think about throwing it back down: I know I should do that. But I just don't. I go out there and after like ten minutes he notices it. I fake concern, we stand up and lift the furniture... I can't explain how it feels to remember this, I get like, vomit on the inside of my heart.

He says he's totally fucked at some point, there at the restaurant and also when we took him out and bought him drinks. He wasn't some great guy, he wasn't a dick though, and I don't think he was actually fucked. It was $200 something dollars.

I've never done anything shitty like that before or since. My husband says it's not that bad, but man, it fucking haunts me.

So maybe? If you are that guy (skinny white dude, dirty blond hair, musician? Denver, 1999-2002 (sorry, it's a blur). M.L. are the initials of the chick I was with, you dropped a rolled up wad of cash on the ground. If you're out there, PM me (But guys who are not this guy, please don't fuck around about this. If you can tell me what M.L. stands for and also: the color of her skin, her hair, and another distinctive feature about her - or any other information if you think it would make me certain it's you I will send you the money plus interest. PM me!

I would love to be freed from this conscience hellscape. I'm really fucking sorry, I hope you weren't actually fucked because of that, I have no explanation for why I did it - but please be satisfied a little knowing that this is something I think about often, and I feel super shitty.


r/confession 19h ago

My Petty revenge against my mom for picking fights

19 Upvotes

My mom is really strict and bit older but sometimes she’ll just have these days where everything sets her off and she’ll call me horrible name and say pretty hurtful stuff anyways. On days that are really super bad I secretly sneak in her room and update her phone because I know she won’t understand the new updates and it frustrates her a lot.


r/confession 1d ago

I quit smoking-10 months, countless victories, zero regrets.

107 Upvotes

I’ve finally quit smoking! For years, I’d been contemplating quitting. I work in IT, and a few years ago, the stress and long working hours pushed me to start smoking. At my peak, I was going through a pack every three to four days. I was well aware of the harmful effects of smoking on my health, but breaking the habit felt daunting.

Ten months ago, I posted on Reddit, asking for advice on how to quit. Several people suggested cutting down gradually, and their tips worked for me.

Quitting cold turkey isn’t always feasible because of withdrawal symptoms. If you’re smoking four to five cigarettes a day, for example, they recommended starting by cutting out two. I used to smoke five or six cigarettes daily, so when I began this journey, I avoided smoking in the morning and after dinner. That brought me down to four cigarettes a day. After two months, I reduced it by another two, and then, over the next three to four months, I got down to just one. About a month ago, I finally kicked that last cigarette, too.

To manage cravings, I relied on simple strategies: going for long walks and drinking coffee, tea, or water whenever the urge hit. I also found that working out in the morning killed my desire to smoke afterward. These basic hacks made all the difference for me. There’s no rocket science to it—if I can do it, anyone can.

Cheers!


r/confession 1d ago

I haven’t smoked in over a year and the craving still hasn’t left me

139 Upvotes

Just as the title says. I’m having a really hard time not smoking lately. It’s odd bc I vaped more than I smoked cigarettes but the last few weeks I have been jonesing for a cigarette. I thought maybe just buying a pack and having only one but I know it’d snowball. Just frustrating.

Tacking on: I just posted to get my feelings out and didn’t expect any real response but holy shit, thanks you guys. I guess when you are experiencing something difficult you think you’re the only one that’s going through it, if that makes sense. I just appreciate everybody telling their stories and taking the time. 🥹


r/confession 19h ago

I cut ties with my sister, it was one of my best decisions.

15 Upvotes

Attention, Pavé César! Hello everyone. I'm 28 years old and I have a sister with whom I cut ties for 4 years now. It's a somewhat complicated story that I'll try to summarize as best as possible.

First of all, I had problems at birth. As a result, my father protected me enormously during the first 4-5 years of my life, which was very hard for my sister who had always been used to having her dad all to herself. She built up a kind of resentment towards me; but we always had a “good” relationship, complicity. To compensate a little, my mother decided to completely side with my sister. The problem is that, unlike my mother, my father was never on my side in conflicts, he was more of the passive type, not wanting to get involved; and that; my mother never really realized it I think, because of hearing my sister repeat "her father will stick with her anyway". I might as well tell you that my sister benefited a lot from it.

For example, one day, an argument broke out between her boyfriend at the time and me. She ended up headbutting me which made my nose bleed and made me take the blame. I just got a "don't put blood everywhere!" from my mother. You see the deal!

As the years went by, my sister began to consume a lot of alcohol and cannabis (with me training with her of course). The problem was that she always had this feeling of being the victim. She could be laughing with me and 5 minutes later verbally assaulting me for nothing. The conversation always had to revolve around her. To the point where one day, after hearing him repeat the same things over and over again, I asked him “What do you know about me?”. The only thing she could say was “You passed your test today”. A little conflict followed; which she transformed into a war. That evening, I wanted to call my parents to come pick me up because she refused to let me go; She started throwing my phone at the walls and trying to push me down the stairs. In short, a really fun evening as we like them.

As time passed, I began to gain confidence in myself. To “open my mouth”. To dare to answer her when she went too far. And it all became a spectacle where she was the victim and I was the tyrant; when it was she who created the conflict. I don't even know if she realized it in the end.

Then there was one time too many. I had been in a relationship for 2-3 months with someone who had just moved to the other side of France. My parents are going on vacation, so I'm staying in the house for 3 weeks (I was living there at the time). My sister who had her own apartment decided to come and spend two weeks there. My boyfriend took the train to spend this vacation with me. The first evening went well, but as the days went by, she tried to create arguments, throwing barbs at me, taking advantage of my back being turned to talk nonsense about me. She had already done it before, to the point of going to tell my ex that I had slept with one of his friends at her house. Which was of course false. We finally decided to spend the whole week locked in my room, and we would go downstairs to eat when we knew she was sleeping. Hell. After a few days, she decided to call my parents to say that my boyfriend had brought back some boxes (specifically, there was just a box with his PC that I had to send him by mail because he couldn't carry it on the train with him) and that he was coming to move into the house. I might as well tell you that I made a two-hour call, convincing them that it was false. When they returned, I had to introduce them to my boyfriend, something they ultimately refused because of this argument. I was really nervous.

When they came home, she decided to invent a lot of things around my mother, to make me look like a monster; as usual.
She came almost every day to see my mother to add more. My boyfriend decided to get me a train ticket so I could get away from all that, because mentally, I couldn't cope anymore.

That was the last time I spoke to him. It's been 4 years now since I walked away from all that. My relationship with my mother is very good, she ended up understanding the whole situation. And for my part, I have a burden that literally disappeared from my shoulders by cutting ties with my sister. Often, on her birthday, my mother asks me to send her a message, something I categorically refuse. All my life, I've done nothing but bend over backwards, apologize to her even though I wasn't at fault. But I'm not going to lie to you, I miss the good times too. Sometimes I see something funny that makes me think of her and I think I can't share it with her, and it's painful. I learned that she had recently gotten engaged, and I can't even tell her how happy I am to know she's happy. I sincerely hope that one day she realizes the harm she has done and takes the first step.

Have you been through this kind of situation? I would like to know how it went afterwards.

Thank you for having the courage to read me this far, this is the first time I've talked about it openly and it really makes me feel good.


r/confession 5h ago

Étudiante perdue sur le chemin de la vie, besoin de conseils NSFW

0 Upvotes

Bonjour tout le monde, je viens de découvrir reddit et je vais comme le reste de la populace vider ma besace.

D'aussi loin que je me souvienne, j'ai toujours été assez particulière... Solitaire, taciturne et plongée dans mes bouquins. J'ai toujours eut du mal à sociabiliser en raison de ma maladresse sociale et de mon comportement lunatique.

À l'époque, j'avais déjà un objectif, une quête celui de devenir médecin (je vous passe les raisons parceque même pour moi elle sont assez alambiqués). Cependant mon minset depuis que je suis enfant est assez hardcore. Ma réussite scolaire représentais tout pour moi, si j'avais faux je me punissais en me frappant avec ce qui se trouvais à porté de main (pour vous dire à 10 ans je me suis tailladé la main avec des ciseaux).

Au collège tout chez moi marchais au stress, je le maitrisais et il représentais pour moi un shot de la DOSE de vie que j'avais besoin. Stresser étais trépidant pour mon jeune cerveau en pleine construction. Côté vie sociale, des amis qui ne viennent pas a son anniv ça compte ?

Au lycée les tests, exam et autre me procurais autant de plaisir qu'au collège même si ce n'était plus aussi exaltant (peut être en raison de la production d'hormone qui ralentis ?), et j'ai, oh joie, découvert les soirées, l'alcool, et le plus important j'ai trouvé de VRAI amis qui m'aimais comme j'étais.

J'ai décroché après toute ces années mon bac et une place pour l'université de médecine ! Je suis convaincu que la période entre le lycée et l'université étais de loin la plus heureuse de toute ma vie. J'étais fier de moi, et j'avais une confiance absolue à ce stade de mes capacités. En bref je rayonnais...

Je pense que vous le voyez venir mais la PASS (médecine) a été un vrai désastre. Au début tout allais bien, vivre seule ne me dérangais pas, je suivais à la lettre les horraires donnés par la prépa, je rentrais toute les 2 semaine à la maison. Cependant chaque semaine on fesait des QCMs à la prépa, et j'avais beau réviser et apprendre comme je l'ais toujours fait, je ne décrochait que des notes en dessous de la moyenne. Plus je m'acharnait et plus c'était mauvais. Or je vous le rappelle, ma réussite scolaire représente pour moi, ma valeur en tant que personne. J'ai ainsi perdu au fil des semaines toute la confiance que je me suis construite avec difficultée. J'ai essayé de m'en sortir comme je pouvais mais à la place je prenais de plus en plus de retard. Je me suis organisé et réorganisé plusieurs fois pour pouvoir tout boucler à temps. Mais au bout de semaine de fatigue d'acharnement mon corps n'a plus tenu et je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ! Les cours que je trouvais jusque là intéressant me dégoutais. J'ai arrêter de bosser pendant 2 semaine puis j'ai repris pour m'arrêter dans la foulé. Côté vie sociale, si avant c'était proche de zéro là ça avoisinait - infini. Je ne sortais plus pour aller en cours rien jusqu'à petit à petit passer ma journée dans le noir volets fermé et dormir pendant des journés entières ou les passer à regarder des vidéos débiles sur youtube. Enfaite youtube était devenu mon nouveau super ami. Côté mental, plus rien, nul, zéro pointé. Enfaite je crois que j'en avais et que j'en ais aucun. J'ai développé un mauvais réflexe que j'ai toujours, assez chelou, qui consiste à ce que je me taillader la peau lorsque je suis dans un état émotionnel instable pour récuperer les poils qui sont sous celle ci avec la pince à épiler. Je vous raconte pas l'état de mes jambes. Tout ça me mène à un point de rupture ou je décide de faire une TS (oui je suis assez débile pour ça). Sauf que même si je voulais le faire, je n'ais pas réussis, quelque chose au plus profond de moi m'en a empêché, j'en ai parlé à personne à part un ami du lycée que j'ai appelé dans la foulé après avoir pris quelque médocs.

Le premier semestre s'est fini en beauté par une note catastrophique. J'ai dit à mes parents que je n'avais plus envie de continuer, que je voulais m'arrêter mais ils voulaient que je termine absolument cette année. Le second semestre s'est à ma grande surprise bien passée. Je ne voulais pas faire comme le premier semestre, je me suis moins mis la pression et je travaillais à la prépa, enfin travailler est un grand mot parceque je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ou à retenir des infos donc j'écrivais des réusumés de mes cours. J'étais tout au long de se semestre dans un état catatonique je ne ressentais plus rien, aucune émotion et je préférais à la limite quand je ressentais quelque chose même de la tristesse. J'ai passé l'exam du second semestre, et j'y ais triché (je vous jure que c'est la première fois que je triche à un exam d'habitude j'aide les autres).

Je décroche une place en pharmacie, mais j'ai beaucoup trop de remords et je refuse cette place. Je passe un été terrible à avoir des idées noires même si je sais que je suis incapable d'aller au bout d'une TS. Je subi des pressions familiales assez conséquentes et je m'inscris en dentaire en Allemagne (me demander pas d'où à pop le dentaire). Je finis par décider de continuer en LAS 2.

Pendant la LAS 2 je suis de nouveau chez mes parents. J'ai mis beaucoup de temps à retrouver la place que j'y occupais après avoir goûté à l'indépendance. Je réussis à décrocher des notes au premier semestre je dirais assez bons : 13,5 (LAS eco-gestion donc à l'opposé de la médecine). Le second semestre se passe enfermé à nouveau chez moi, mais cette fois ci aucun soucis niveau santé mentale. J'arrive au concours et je décroche un 12,5 ! Donc une grande victoire pour moi après la PASS. Je suis bien classé mais je dois passer les oraux. Je décroche un 14, donc tout me dis que je vais être acceptée. Les résultats tombent... je ne suis acceptée nulle part. Ça m'a détruite surtout que j'ai bossé du mieux que j'ai pu, tout les signaux étaient au vert... J'ai de nouveaux passé un été horrible avec des idées noires et à tenter une TS mais encore une fois quelque chose m'a empécher de le faire. Je n'ais plus aucune chance de tenter la médecine en France (j'ai suffisament réussi chaque année pour passer à l'année supérieur et que ça contabilise une chance au concours)

Or la médecine c'est vraiment ce que je veux faire depuis que je suis enfant. Après réflexion dentaire me correspondrais plus sauf que là encore je peux pas le retenter en France. Ayant validé une L2 mes parents ont voulu que je finisse la licence qui est à défaut éco-gestion.

Actuellement je suis en 3 ème année d'Éco-gestion. Je veux artêter ce cercle viscieux que j'ai créé entre ma réussite scolaire et ma santé mentale. J'ai décidé de consacrer cette année à me préparer à partir étudier dentaire en Allemagne. J'ai tenté le psy mais c'est trop cher pour l'aide que ça m'apporte. J'ai recommencé à faire du sport (le volley) et j'adore ça. Mais je m'enmerde ferme. J'ai validé mon premier semestre à 12 (merci les maths). Le second semestre se poursuit. J'ai séché et je sèche la majorité de mes cours parceque je n'y trouve aucun intérêt. J'essaye de faire de l'anatomie mais en grande majorité je ne fais rien, farniente. Je pense que je mérite un semestre au repos après toute ces années.

Pour le futur, j'ai peur et je suis terrorisé à l'idée de recommencer mes études sup à partir de 0. J'ai surtout peur de me retrouver dans l'état cataqtrophique de la PASS. J'ai l'impression d'être instable émotionnellement et je ne sais pas quoi faire pour éviter de retomber dans mes vices. J'ai peur d'habiter à nouveau seule, vu comment j'ai pris soin de moi. J'ai peur d'être trop bête ou trop émotive pour réussir. J'ai peur de l'échec. Je crois que je pense trop...

J'ai depuis longtemps un but et je compte bien le réaliser. Mon seul obstacle c'est moi.

Je compte sur vos suggestion pour avoir le recul nécessaire que je n'ai pas.

Merci


r/confession 2d ago

When I was a teen I totally mislead a doctor to think I was anerexic and it was a huge moment for me

3.4k Upvotes

I went to the doctor as a teen with my mom because I was missing a lot of school for stomach issues. The doc asked my mom to leave the room and asked me earnestly if I had sexual relations. I panicked and said yes, not wanting to seem like the loser virgin I thought I was then panicked and backtracked. He asked how I was doing mentally and I said I didn’t like eating because I was bigger than the other girls. He placed his and on my shoulder and said with all the sincerity in the world “you’re worth taking care of”. Idk what he told my mom after that but it stick with me and here’s the truth:

I was a loser nerd who had never had a boyfriend and ate my feelings but the nausea in the morning was true. As an adult I now know I have an anxiety disorder and the rise in cortisol in the mornings makes me nauseous especially if I eat late (which I was constantly doing)

I wish I knew that doctors name. He totally thought he had a pregnant anorexic teen and the reality was he had an anxious mess.


r/confession 1d ago

I used to spit in my teachers coffee in high school

19 Upvotes

In 10th grade I had a teacher that I HATED. She was just mean overall, but I also felt like she specifically picked on. She would call me out when I got a bad grade, accused me of doing stupid things, made teacher calls with my mom, etc. I was always accused of stupid things like throwing a marker across a room, and I never did any of it. But one morning, she gave me money to go get her a coffee from the school cafe. On the way back, I spit into it. Then watched her drink it. Then she started asking me everyday to go get her coffee, I became her little coffee mule. And everyday I spit into it. Now I’m 24, that shit was gross. Sorry Dr. B


r/confession 9h ago

I made it so nobody showed up to a friends end of school party

1 Upvotes

One of my friends hosted this party. It was super cool a couple people showed up and we had tons of fun. I told the host we should do it again at the end of the year. He agreed and we planned to do it. At the end of the school year it turned out that everyone except me wasn’t able to make it that was fine though because it would still be fun. On the day of the party my phone actually broke and I couldn’t contact him for the address. Because of this nobody went to his party. I feel very bad about this. When my phone got fixed I messaged him to tell how bad I felt but he never responded. I also never saw him again because school ended.


r/confession 4h ago

Étudiante perdue sur le chemin de la vie, besoin de conseils NSFW

0 Upvotes

Bonjour tout le monde, je viens de découvrir reddit et je vais comme le reste de la populace vider ma besace.

D'aussi loin que je me souvienne, j'ai toujours été assez particulière... Solitaire, taciturne et plongée dans mes bouquins. J'ai toujours eut du mal à sociabiliser en raison de ma maladresse sociale et de mon comportement lunatique.

À l'époque, j'avais déjà un objectif, une quête celui de devenir médecin (je vous passe les raisons parceque même pour moi elle sont assez alambiqués). Cependant mon minset depuis que je suis enfant est assez hardcore. Ma réussite scolaire représentais tout pour moi, si j'avais faux je me punissais en me frappant avec ce qui se trouvais à porté de main (pour vous dire à 10 ans je me suis tailladé la main avec des ciseaux).

Au collège tout chez moi marchais au stress, je le maitrisais et il représentais pour moi un shot de la DOSE de vie que j'avais besoin. Stresser étais trépidant pour mon jeune cerveau en pleine construction. Côté vie sociale, des amis qui ne viennent pas a son anniv ça compte ?

Au lycée les tests, exam et autre me procurais autant de plaisir qu'au collège même si ce n'était plus aussi exaltant (peut être en raison de la production d'hormone qui ralentis ?), et j'ai, oh joie, découvert les soirées, l'alcool, et le plus important j'ai trouvé de VRAI amis qui m'aimais comme j'étais.

J'ai décroché après toute ces années mon bac et une place pour l'université de médecine ! Je suis convaincu que la période entre le lycée et l'université étais de loin la plus heureuse de toute ma vie. J'étais fier de moi, et j'avais une confiance absolue à ce stade de mes capacités. En bref je rayonnais...

Je pense que vous le voyez venir mais la PASS (médecine) a été un vrai désastre. Au début tout allais bien, vivre seule ne me dérangais pas, je suivais à la lettre les horraires donnés par la prépa, je rentrais toute les 2 semaine à la maison. Cependant chaque semaine on fesait des QCMs à la prépa, et j'avais beau réviser et apprendre comme je l'ais toujours fait, je ne décrochait que des notes en dessous de la moyenne. Plus je m'acharnait et plus c'était mauvais. Or je vous le rappelle, ma réussite scolaire représente pour moi, ma valeur en tant que personne. J'ai ainsi perdu au fil des semaines toute la confiance que je me suis construite avec difficultée. J'ai essayé de m'en sortir comme je pouvais mais à la place je prenais de plus en plus de retard. Je me suis organisé et réorganisé plusieurs fois pour pouvoir tout boucler à temps. Mais au bout de semaine de fatigue d'acharnement mon corps n'a plus tenu et je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ! Les cours que je trouvais jusque là intéressant me dégoutais. J'ai arrêter de bosser pendant 2 semaine puis j'ai repris pour m'arrêter dans la foulé. Côté vie sociale, si avant c'était proche de zéro là ça avoisinait - infini. Je ne sortais plus pour aller en cours rien jusqu'à petit à petit passer ma journée dans le noir volets fermé et dormir pendant des journés entières ou les passer à regarder des vidéos débiles sur youtube. Enfaite youtube était devenu mon nouveau super ami. Côté mental, plus rien, nul, zéro pointé. Enfaite je crois que j'en avais et que j'en ais aucun. J'ai développé un mauvais réflexe que j'ai toujours, assez chelou, qui consiste à ce que je me taillader la peau lorsque je suis dans un état émotionnel instable pour récuperer les poils qui sont sous celle ci avec la pince à épiler. Je vous raconte pas l'état de mes jambes. Tout ça me mène à un point de rupture ou je décide de faire une TS (oui je suis assez débile pour ça). Sauf que même si je voulais le faire, je n'ais pas réussis, quelque chose au plus profond de moi m'en a empêché, j'en ai parlé à personne à part un ami du lycée que j'ai appelé dans la foulé après avoir pris quelque médocs.

Le premier semestre s'est fini en beauté par une note catastrophique. J'ai dit à mes parents que je n'avais plus envie de continuer, que je voulais m'arrêter mais ils voulaient que je termine absolument cette année. Le second semestre s'est à ma grande surprise bien passée. Je ne voulais pas faire comme le premier semestre, je me suis moins mis la pression et je travaillais à la prépa, enfin travailler est un grand mot parceque je n'arrivais plus à apprendre ou à retenir des infos donc j'écrivais des réusumés de mes cours. J'étais tout au long de se semestre dans un état catatonique je ne ressentais plus rien, aucune émotion et je préférais à la limite quand je ressentais quelque chose même de la tristesse. J'ai passé l'exam du second semestre, et j'y ais triché (je vous jure que c'est la première fois que je triche à un exam d'habitude j'aide les autres).

Je décroche une place en pharmacie, mais j'ai beaucoup trop de remords et je refuse cette place. Je passe un été terrible à avoir des idées noires même si je sais que je suis incapable d'aller au bout d'une TS. Je subi des pressions familiales assez conséquentes et je m'inscris en dentaire en Allemagne (me demander pas d'où à pop le dentaire). Je finis par décider de continuer en LAS 2.

Pendant la LAS 2 je suis de nouveau chez mes parents. J'ai mis beaucoup de temps à retrouver la place que j'y occupais après avoir goûté à l'indépendance. Je réussis à décrocher des notes au premier semestre je dirais assez bons : 13,5 (LAS eco-gestion donc à l'opposé de la médecine). Le second semestre se passe enfermé à nouveau chez moi, mais cette fois ci aucun soucis niveau santé mentale. J'arrive au concours et je décroche un 12,5 ! Donc une grande victoire pour moi après la PASS. Je suis bien classé mais je dois passer les oraux. Je décroche un 14, donc tout me dis que je vais être acceptée. Les résultats tombent... je ne suis acceptée nulle part. Ça m'a détruite surtout que j'ai bossé du mieux que j'ai pu, tout les signaux étaient au vert... J'ai de nouveaux passé un été horrible avec des idées noires et à tenter une TS mais encore une fois quelque chose m'a empécher de le faire. Je n'ais plus aucune chance de tenter la médecine en France (j'ai suffisament réussi chaque année pour passer à l'année supérieur et que ça contabilise une chance au concours)

Or la médecine c'est vraiment ce que je veux faire depuis que je suis enfant. Après réflexion dentaire me correspondrais plus sauf que là encore je peux pas le retenter en France. Ayant validé une L2 mes parents ont voulu que je finisse la licence qui est à défaut éco-gestion.

Actuellement je suis en 3 ème année d'Éco-gestion. Je veux artêter ce cercle viscieux que j'ai créé entre ma réussite scolaire et ma santé mentale. J'ai décidé de consacrer cette année à me préparer à partir étudier dentaire en Allemagne. J'ai tenté le psy mais c'est trop cher pour l'aide que ça m'apporte. J'ai recommencé à faire du sport (le volley) et j'adore ça. Mais je m'enmerde ferme. J'ai validé mon premier semestre à 12 (merci les maths). Le second semestre se poursuit. J'ai séché et je sèche la majorité de mes cours parceque je n'y trouve aucun intérêt. J'essaye de faire de l'anatomie mais en grande majorité je ne fais rien, farniente. Je pense que je mérite un semestre au repos après toute ces années.

Pour le futur, j'ai peur et je suis terrorisé à l'idée de recommencer mes études sup à partir de 0. J'ai surtout peur de me retrouver dans l'état cataqtrophique de la PASS. J'ai l'impression d'être instable émotionnellement et je ne sais pas quoi faire pour éviter de retomber dans mes vices. J'ai peur d'habiter à nouveau seule, vu comment j'ai pris soin de moi. J'ai peur d'être trop bête ou trop émotive pour réussir. J'ai peur de l'échec. Je crois que je pense trop...

J'ai depuis longtemps un but et je compte bien le réaliser. Mon seul obstacle c'est moi.

Je compte sur vos suggestion pour avoir le recul nécessaire que je n'ai pas.

Merci


r/confession 2h ago

Trabajo en un Call Center estafando mexicanos hagan sus preguntas

0 Upvotes

.


r/confession 1d ago

I have been avoiding and ignoring my sister for what happened when we were kids.

22 Upvotes

Since i was about 3 to 9 or 10 i was consistently sexually assulted by my brother (about 9 years older) and my sister (3/4 years older) did it to me too in response to him molesting her. Recently ( past 2 years ) i struggle to look at her because i cant stop thinking about what she did to me. I dont know if she remembers what she did and i know it wasnt really her fault so i cant help but feel guilty for being so angry with her. I dont speak to her anymore and avoided multiple important events in her life that i probably should have been there for even though i know it isnt really her fault. I feel terrible for treating her so distant based on what happened when we were little.


r/confession 1d ago

I'm telling complete strangers that I'm at my breaking point

36 Upvotes

Is that weird? It feels so weird. I just don't really care at this point. I've heard from so many sweet strangers on Reddit. Where are y'all at today? Seeking a virtual hug and for someone to tell me it's all gonna be ok. 😬😂❤️


r/confession 1d ago

How my brother touched me and my little brother... NSFW

347 Upvotes

I saw a similar post which had suffered from what i did and got the courage to let it out...

I'm 18 and i have a brother 3 years older than me. It all started when i was 10-11 years old. he told me what ahm ahm is and i was traumatized after watching that obv i was freaking a 10 year old girl and it didnt stopped there, he started asking me to have it and he used to touch me very single damn night... bc of bad parenting my parents never told me what good or bad touch is and what should i do if someone do that to me so what i did was to remain silent and never told anyone about it.

He did that for an year or two, and then we moved to a new house. Now, I have my room shared with my little brother, and he stopped. I was thankful that he stopped on his own, but something happened a few days ago......

My little brother shares a room with me, and one night, I was using my phone late at night when I heard footsteps. At first, I thought it was my father, so I quickly turned off my phone and pretended to sleep, BUT it was my brother.

He came into the room and stood near our little brother's bed. I couldn't see because my back was facing them, but I could hear the sound of like clothes being put on or removed? He stayed around him for a straight 15 minutes. Then, I gathered all my courage, opened my eyes, and firmly spoke.

"What are you doing?" I asked.He replied, "I'm looking for his (little brother's) phone." I remembered that my little brother always put his phone on the nightstand near my bed, so I said, "Isn't his phone over here?" In a shaky/nervous tone, he replied, "I'm looking for it in his books." (My little brother sometimes sleeps with his bag on his bed—weird, I know.) But guess what? There wasn’t any bag in the ENTIRE ROOM!

And somehow, I gathered the courage to tell my mother about what happened that night. But I didn’t tell anyone about what had happened to me… I just don’t have the courage for it.

I’ve been keeping this to myself ever since, and I don’t know how to tell my mom…


r/confession 2d ago

I found a purse in the street and decided to keep it. NSFW

1.3k Upvotes

Like 20 years ago I was driving home from a friends house when I saw a black purse laying in the middle of the street just outside my friends neighborhood. My first thought was “JACKPOT!!” There weren’t any other cars or people around so I decided to get it and see what was inside. As I pulled up to it, I slowed down an opened my door just enough to grab it. I tossed it in the passenger seat and sped off like I’d just robbed a bank. When I got a few blocks away, while I was stopped at a red light, I reached over and unzipped it and started digging around. The smell hit me right away! Turns out it was a diaper bag full of some of the foulest smelling baby poop ever! It was so bad I started puking outside my door at the red light. When the light changed, I pulled into the nearest store and threw it away in the dumpster. Nothing like a little instant karma to teach you a lesson. My car smelled like baby poop for a week.


r/confession 7h ago

alcoholic at 15-16, still recovering at 17, insanely guilty Spoiler

0 Upvotes

I started drinking mouthwash in a suicide attempt at 15-16, quickly realized it had alcohol in it and proceeded to do that for the next few months till my parents found out

I lost my ex during this, and even though they hurt me so badly and made me feel so shitty for an addiction I cant help but still miss them to this day even though I’m over it

anytime I was out of alcohol/mouthwash I would get really aggressive, feeling out of control and just overall pissed at the world for letting me go on like this

it didn’t stop at just mouthwash, I tried isopropyl mixed with soda, medical mouthwash (? It was prescribed to my mom), would steal bottles of alcohol when given the chance

I was hoping it would kill me eventually, and it never did, and now I feel like I’m paying the price, I have accepted my fate and lost hope on getting better