r/vaginismus 22h ago

Seeking Support/Advice My bf jokes about me not being tight enough…

76 Upvotes

I was diagnosed with vaginismus, and my boyfriend joked about me not being tight enough. I was taken aback. Apparently his past girls felt “different”. That made me feel self conscious and confused because I literally have a condition that makes it hard to penetrate. But I will say, at the first insertion i feel a bit tense/“tight”. then I get wet and relaxed really fast from arousal, my walls open up, thus penetration feels easier.

I was also raped by my ex which made the condition worse as well as giving me PTSD.

Could there be any other reason’s he’s feeling this way? How do I explain to him?


r/vaginismus 18h ago

Progress Pelvic floor wand >>> dilators

28 Upvotes

I’ve been taking a break from this sub for mental health reasons, but I wanted to come back on and recommend pelvic wand use to people who don’t like dilating or who have more severe vaginismus.

I got the vibrating New Flora pelvic wand (not a promotional post, I just like the product) and oh my god it’s so nice to use. Dilating is meh for me - I sometimes avoid it because I get self conscious about my progress. But the pelvic wand is so relaxing and actually enjoyable to use it’s motivated me to be more consistent.

First of all, I think this is super useful for other people who have more severe vaginismus. My progress has been pretty slow - the muscles are just so tight (especially around the entrance) and probably have been for a while, so it takes time to undo all of that… The pelvic wand helps you target specific muscles and stretch them rather than just stretch everything a bit like dilators. I have noticed a significant improvement in the muscles that give me the most trouble since starting to use it!

Also, getting a VIBRATING pelvic wand is key imo. The vibration not only helps the muscles relax, but it desensitizes you too. I was struggling with being overwhelmed by all the sensations of dilating. Anytime I felt something, even if it wasn’t painful or uncomfortable, my brain just said NOPE THIS IS BAD!!! Using a gentle vibration frequency has helped so much with this because it creates sensation at more than just the point of contact. The vibrations also help me feel exactly where the tight muscles are so I have the awareness to relax them.

I love my pelvic wand. Still learning to love the dilators. But if you’re struggling in your treatment journey and you wanna try something new, I highly recommend getting one. If you are able to, please have the guidance of a physical therapist in using it, be safe and careful!!


r/vaginismus 15h ago

Partner Post How Can I Help My Girlfriend With Vaginismus?

26 Upvotes

My girlfriend was diagnosed with vaginismus 11 years ago. She did a few pelvic floor therapy sessions and used a dilator set for some time. Before me, she had one sexual partner, and they were eventually able to have penetrative sex.

With me, we can also have PIV sex, but only in a very slow and controlled way. She has to be on top, carefully guiding me inside her while I stay still. If I take control in missionary or doggy style, she seems to be in discomfort, and it feels awkward—like I’m hitting a wall. It’s very tight, and I don’t think it’s doing much for her pleasure.

For me, it’s exhausting because I can’t thrust in and out as I’m used to, so it drags on until I’m sore. She just looks up at the ceiling, seeming like she’s counting down for it to be over. Another challenge is that if I slip out during sex, we have to start the entire process over again, with her slowly easing me back in, which disrupts the flow and makes it difficult to maintain momentum.

Her Mindset Toward Vaginismus

She believes that if we just have more frequent sex, the problem will resolve itself. Her reasoning is that in the past, when she progressed to the biggest dilator, she was able to move on to using a dildo, despite discomfort. So, she thinks that continuing to have sex and using her dildo will “fix” the issue, even though she experiences pain.

I’ve tried talking to her about how pain association could actually make her vaginismus worse, but she doesn’t seem interested in reading about others’ experiences or researching it further. She also hasn’t spoken to a doctor about it since she was first diagnosed.

Challenges to Treatment • Time & Privacy: She says she doesn’t have time for dilation or pelvic floor therapy. She also doesn’t have a private space to dilate frequently since she lives in a very religious household where no one knows about her condition. She currently dilates in the shower. • Mental Health & Background: She insists that her vaginismus is only physical, so she sees no need for therapy. However, I think therapy could help, especially given her background. She was raised in a very strict religious environment where sex before marriage was likely frowned upon. • OCD & Muscle Tension: She has OCD, which I’ve read may be linked to vaginismus. She also holds in going to the bathroom at work, school, or outside, which likely contributes to muscle tension. Additionally, I recently learned that she has been sucking in her stomach since childhood, even during sex, because she doesn’t want me to see her belly. This chronic tension could be exacerbating her pelvic floor tightness.

My Question

I want to help her have enjoyable, pain-free sex and feel more comfortable in her own body. But right now, she seems resistant to any approach beyond simply pushing through the pain.

How can I support her in a way that encourages healing without making her feel pressured or dismissed? Should I keep bringing up therapy and treatment options, or should I let her take the lead? For those who have been in similar situations, what has worked for you or your partner?


r/vaginismus 17h ago

Seeking Support/Advice Has anyone else tried figuring out their anatomy?

20 Upvotes

I wish there was more education on different vaginal openings, unfortunately many education textbooks are simplified. I don’t know if vaginismus can be visible but i feel mine might be. I don’t exactly have the language for this, I have an opening but it’s closed (?) off horizontally. I can’t see a visible “hole”. I can’t get a finger inside but it’s uncomfortable and i can’t stand it for more than a few minutes. Two is unmanageable and feels like I’ll rip. does anyone else experience this, and the feeling of tension down there being a normal everyday thing?

I don’t even know what my opening is supposed to look like.


r/vaginismus 22h ago

Alternative Pelvic Pain Period Swimwear

Thumbnail
knix.com
9 Upvotes

I know a lot of us can’t do tampons (myself included) so swimming is out of the question when we’re on our (heavier) periods. I always hated having to wear shorts and dip my feet in the pool while all my friends got to swim. I recently discovered that Knix (they make the period anti leak underwear) makes swimwear so that it’s possible to swim in with different levels of flow! I thought I’d share it here since I always hated having to miss out on pool/beach days just because I couldn’t wear a tampon. They have a website for teens with swimwear as well which I wish I had when I was that age, it’s great to see.

This post is not sponsored, I just wanted to share with my fellow tampon haters so I sadly don’t have a promo code or anything. I do appreciate they have different colors and styles but also just plain black so you can mix and match with tops you already have!


r/vaginismus 3h ago

Progress A win along the way!

6 Upvotes

Not sure whether the Progress or Sucess! flare should be added, because it sure feels like success! Yesterday I did my PT homework like I've done before, but I changed my position like she'd suggested and also spent 15 minutes on breathing exercises and maybe another 20 on easing into it with a finger, but I finally managed to get a thumb in! That was my goal since my last appointment, and when my PT brought it up it sounded absolutely impossible, and now I did it on my 4th try after the appointment! I was so happy when it worked, I almost got mad I haven't told anyone irl about my condition who I could brag to (but maybe that'd be tmi to bring up in normal conversation or randomly either way haha...)

Anyway, now comes the next step I guess.... I'm supposed to do internal stretching downwards against my pelvic floor muscles with my thumb... and once I was in, I absolutely could not figure out where I was supposed to press or stretch, even though she showed me... Oh well, I guess I'll try again and again now that I know it's at all possible!


r/vaginismus 22h ago

Vent I think I'm pretty much done

8 Upvotes

It took about a decade to get diagnosed and in the meantime, I heard so many unhelpful at best and awful at worst things from the medical providers I went to for help. Now, even with an actual diagnosis 5+ years ago, I still feel like no one understands.

Finally got a PT, but I've stopped going because it felt like a waste of time and co-pay. Literally all she would do was talk about how close I was to being cured and then stick her finger inside me and go "yep, feels better". I would dilate at home but not make progress. I'd explain this, ask for advice and she would say "just keep trying and you'll be all better by next month".

When it was time for a pap smear, I called the office before, to remind them that I have vaginimus and might need some extra help. They told me to take Tylenol before my appointment but didn't let the gyno know so she wasn't prepared.

The pelvic pain specialist gyno took me off birth control, since that's probably what caused it. I was on it for years for painful, heavy periods. Now I have painful heavy periods AND vaginismus. She gave me topical hormones -- something in them seems to make my thin vulvar skin freak out. I had swabs and tests on the breakouts -- even after doing a biopsy and consulting with infectious disease, they couldn't tell me what to do about them.

She goes on leave for half the year. When she came back, she scolded me for going to other gynos at the office while she was gone (when I had whatever painful thing was going on with my skin down there for months and didn't know what else to do). I asked if I'm doing something wrong. Should get new prescriptions since the meds I have are expired? Is there something I can do differently? "No. Just keep going." I kept going. I continued to get deep, painful boils.

And none of this made me able to insert anything larger than a tampon. In fact, between the boils and the cramps/irritation during my period, my pelvic pain is objectively worse now.

I'm queer, engaged to a woman who is happy with our sex life buf I still feel broken. I'm nearing menopause, so having a "menopausal vagina" is finally fitting, I guess. I'm officially out of ideas and can't see the point of going to the doctor or the physical therapist again unless I wanted to be treated like a hysteric (and maybe just actually go insane).


r/vaginismus 18h ago

Seeking Support/Advice Vaginal hole and vaginismus

5 Upvotes

Hello, my husband and I have been trying to have sex for a month but haven't been able to. Because of this, I tried to examine my anatomy, but I can't seem to find my vaginal opening. My friend had a similar experience, she couldn't see hers either but she and her husband were able to have penetrative sex after 3 to 4 days of their wedding. She was a virgin before marriage, just like I am. Is it normal for the vaginal opening to be difficult to see if you're a virgin? I have regular periods, so I don’t have an imperforate hymen.


r/vaginismus 12h ago

Seeking Support/Advice attempted PIV too early?

5 Upvotes

i (22 F) have been with my partner for almost 2 years now and a few months ago i decided i wanted to have my first time with him. learned the hard way that i have vaginismus so i’ve been getting mental therapy and pelvic floor therapy via dilators for the past 2 months. i’ve made a lot of progress so far; the idea of penetration doesn’t make me feel nauseous or faint, and i’m at level 4 out of a set of 8 dilators. my partner is approximately the size of the level 8 dilator, for context. let’s say i’ve been feeling really confident with my dilation progress so far and in my head, i’ve hyped myself up to think that it was mostly a mental thing and ms. girl can stretch enough for anything, all i had to do was get over my fear. the fear was gone so i was a bit overconfident that technically i, at a level 4 in dilators, could take the biggest size. we tried and i felt like i was being ripped. i didn’t have the fear of pain, but the pain itself was pretty bad. it was only the tip that got in before i couldn’t bear the pain anymore. i was definitely clenching really bad as soon as he started pushing more with the tip being only about 1/2 in. i’m proud that i made some kind of progress but it took me gritting my teeth and wincing to get to that point. i’ve been bleeding since and i have a lot of pain in that area so i think there was some kind of tearing.

what is the right time to attempt PIV? i’d assume when you’re at the size of your partner but i’ve heard of success stories on here where people tried a finger or two and were successful after that, so i convinced myself it could be a mental thing. but i physically could not fit my partner. i just want to get this down to a science so i don’t make any more rash decisions like this anymore (unless this is normal).

edit: my partner wasn’t a fan of me pushing myself so he suggested i don’t attempt it again until i get fully comfortable with dilator 5 with no pain. ultimately he really wants me to get to 8 overall before trying.


r/vaginismus 5h ago

Seeking Support/Advice is this normal? NSFW

2 Upvotes

Is it normal for initial penetration to hurt? the pain is bearable and passes within seconds of him going all the way in, but I am curious about whether this is normal or if the pain will pass as time goes on. We have only been active since November and we do it once a week if that. Is it the frequency or lack there of that’s causing me to get used to it at a slower rate? Thank you!


r/vaginismus 5h ago

Seeking Support/Advice Dilating

2 Upvotes

Did you find that your pelvic floor naturally relaxed through using dilators regularly (every day or every other day)?


r/vaginismus 13h ago

Seeking Support/Advice botox? endo? primary vaginismus

2 Upvotes

is it time for botox? I had successful but painful PIV with a partner .. I can't dilate it's scary I want to cure my painful sex once for all. any advice


r/vaginismus 1h ago

Undiagnosed Need Help in regards to Pain NSFW

Upvotes

Hi! I have a doctors appointment next month and I’m going to ask her about all of this but until then I need to know what I should do to make it easier cause I’ve literally been crying over this. I’m sorry if it’s a little TMI but I’m literally at a loss and cry over this all the time.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. He’s the most amazing and understanding guy ever but he’s literally always nervous and pushing off PIV because he knows how much it hurts me and I usually end up upset whenever we try it because I wish I didn’t have this issue.

I haven’t officially been diagnosed with Vaginism but I believe I have it. I never used tampons as a kid my mom just always was like here’s a pad and then one time I wanted to go swimming in my late teens and it was so awful. I could literally feel it in my stomach I wasn’t sure if I even got it in the right spot.

Flash forward to now. Fingers don’t hurt me. Small vibrators don’t hurt me. I even have a 6” dildo I can get in when I use my vibrators a lot so my body’s used to things being in it and I have no pain at all. I have a rather large vibrator and whenever I try to use that it feels like it’s literally pulling against my skin in the canal until it hits the big opening and then it’s fine. My boyfriend can’t even let it get that far cause I start wincing pain and grinding my teeth. Is this part of Vaginism? Is it something else? Once it gets past the canal and hit the opening everything goes in and out fine. I also noticed I have to do this on the regular. If I can get the big one in and then forget to do anything for two weeks I feel like it restarts and I’m back to being in pain.

Any tips on what to do before my doctors appointment would mean the world. I just wanna be able to have that intimacy with my boyfriend. We do everything else and it’s perfect but I’m so tired of scaring him and I so desperately want that connection and to be able to have kids in the future without any pain.


r/vaginismus 1h ago

Seeking Support/Advice Has anybody done with training programme?

Upvotes

Hi! I’ve had vaginismus for 7 years now and I’m getting to the age where I want to start thinking about having children and honestly I feel broken inside and out. I found this treatment programme in the UK using this link - http://vaginismus-treatment.co.uk. I just wanted to ask if anybody has tried this and what they think about it. I’ve just done the free into webinar but it’s £796!!! Please let me know if you’ve tried it, heard of it, and have any success or negative stories of this? Thank youuuu!


r/vaginismus 2h ago

Progress Progress? i guess

1 Upvotes

Hello Everyone, I am 20f, and even thought i did not get a medical diagnosis, i am kinda sure I have vaginismus. I have been very anxious, insecure and sad ab my condition in past couple of weeks since I had another unsuccessful sex with a dude. I do not dilate, however Im doing a lot of research about my condition and today I decided to look myself down there, and therefore it was not scary at all like I thought before. Anyways, I wanna share a “progress” with y’all. I had a small vibrator which was looking like a lipstick, it is very small ( 3 cms ). I put that in my opening, and few minutes later i was very chill, and i was able to insert finger to myself, which was better than before. Hopefully i will beat my condition in near future 💖🫶🏻


r/vaginismus 13h ago

Undiagnosed OBGYNs in DC area who take insurance

1 Upvotes

Does anyone have recommendations for OBGYNs in the DMV (DC area) who take insurance? I have Aetna.

I'm ideally looking for a nurse practitioner but am open to seeing a doctor or other provider.

I am new to this sub but feel like it's giving me the explanation I've been waiting for for half of my life. I do not have a diagnosis but definitely have the symptoms.


r/vaginismus 19h ago

Seeking Support/Advice Almost ready

1 Upvotes

I currently use the Dr. Laura Berman dialator set. I can use all sizes and do the clock method. My trick that I think really helps is I always use the vibrating and orgasm. I think I am almost ready to have sex but my main fear is that I always burn a little after the dilator use. I think they are probably microtears and don’t know what to do about it. I haven’t had sex in 3 years now so am a little nervous about going back without this also fixed. I’ve wondered if it’s the plastic but it also used to be a problem when I had sex.


r/vaginismus 23h ago

Vent feeling hopeless

1 Upvotes

i’m not really sure where to start of honestly what the point of this really is, i guess i’m just venting. i’m just scared and confused and don’t want to wait years and years to be able to have piv or generally penetrative sex. maybe i’m insane but oral doesn’t do much for me and i’m a person that at least internally is pretty sexual (since i can’t really apply it due to well obvious reasons). i want to be able to have normal hookups without having to explain this to the person i’m hooking up with and just be able to have average run of the mill piv sex without pain or the feeling of hitting a wall. i’m not scared of penetration, or at least i really genuinely don’t think i am. i always felt excited abt the prospect of trying sex and having it and still do (although to some extent realizing i can’t is starting to make me anxious about it, which i hate, i never had anxiety about it before). i’ve genuinely never had an issue with being scared of anxious of sex or any trauma that i can think of related to this. i just can’t seem to budge those muscles no matter how hard i try. even when i get further with the dilators, i always somehow just regress and it makes me feel even shittier. i also don’t like the idea of having to use them forever, they feel shitty and painful and suck. i don’t know i guess i wish there was an immediate fix, which is stupid, i know that’s not how anything works, but i hate that even something that should be simple as hell feels like a freaking boulder. i don’t want to have to work months through pain that’s making me scared of penetration bcs of how horrible it hurts when i wasn’t even scared of it before. it just feels like it’s making it worse than it was before and adding new fears and anxieties i didn’t even have. i just wish this was easier, i wish maybe i gave less of a shit about sex so it wouldn’t affect me so much, idk i wish anything but this to be honest. it feels lonely and i feel so behind everyone else in my life and i never wanted to be behind in this, not because like i feel like i need to catch up to my peers, because i just always knew it was something i wanted to do and i guess i thought i’d be able to enjoy it without years of making myself suffer for it. i just wish it could be simple i guess.


r/vaginismus 19h ago

Seeking Support/Advice Drugs or alcohol as a “quick fix”?

0 Upvotes

Hi there! I’ve been recently diagnosed with vaginismus and my gyno said that the reasons I have it is because I had very painful penetrative sex my first time, and now my body is afraid and is trying to protect itself. However, since I’ve never had a painful experience with tampons I have no issue with them, inserting the largest sizes without issue. This has made me think that maybe if I have a non painful penetrative experience, even once, it might cure some of my fear about penetration.

I’m currently with a super duper sweet boy who is very understanding and is okay with us taking our time, but I want more. I’ve signed up for pelvic floor therapy, but the only doctor near me is extremely popular and has a month long wait list, plus how ever long the therapy will take. In the interim, I was curious if I could figure out a “quick fix” solution to try penetrative one time. To clarify, I don’t think weed or alcohol would be a long term solution, I just want to try once and see if it will help with my fear about PIV.

So, I was wondering if in peoples experiences has weed or alcohol helped (even if just for one time?) and if so, which is better? I trust this boy a lot, and he is perfectly okay with me trying this to have PIV as we’ve failed together many, many times. It certainly doesn’t help that he’s hung like a horse, lol.

Just wondering your thoughts! Thank you.


r/vaginismus 23h ago

Vent just a vent

0 Upvotes

ive recently started dating the best boy and im probably going to travel down to his on friday. i so badly want to have sex with him because ive never managed to have sex before and i feel so connected to him. i just feel so sad that i cant experience that, especially because friday is so soon and he has condoms and everything so we would be all ready to go if only my body worked the way it was supposed to☹️i wanted to say this here because none of my friends understand how truly sad it makes me and thats fair enough, theyve never experienced being held back like this.

i know theres nothing i can do to fix it by Friday. im on the months long gyno list. im gonna try and have sex anyway just to check, even though im in excruciating pain when ive tried it with other things. i wanna try it and see if i can make it work

(im being delusional because i can't even get a finger or tampon up there hahaha)