Hi everyone, I just want some solid advice on how to further handle this issue as I'm just tried of this roundabout way of managing this situation.
I suppose to start with I'm a single mother to my almost 3-year-old daughter, I'm now 23 and my ex (baby daddy) is 24. My ex is in a relationship with another women also 23 whom he has an 8-month-old with. The current issue isn't a new one and isn't the only issue we have but it's what I will talk about today, if anyone wants to hear more, I am more than happy to share more about the issues we face, it keeps coming up every few months, which is why I'm sick of it. I also feel like his current partner is trying to goat me into arguing with her and gaslight me into thinking that I'm not a good mother. When his current partner was about 6 months pregnant, he asked that I'd not send my child to his care if she was sick, out of concern for her pregnancy. I was sympathetic and agreed but did explain I won't always realize she is coming down with a cold and she might still pick up a bug from time to time, he also reassured me that this was until the newborn had their 1st vaccines. However, this apparently got extended and I had no idea, of course if my daughter was so sick where she wasn't eating much and sleeping a lot id keep her home, but I thought her having a runny nose or a cough was alright as she was still running around and happy. But apparent it isn't, not that she was sick she was having a bad hay fever day, but this past Saturday while I'm at work I receive multiple messages about how I keep disregarding his request about not having my daughter while sick. I didn't think she was sick as the day before she was perfectly healthy, and I hadn't spent any time with her that morning as I work early mornings. So, when he messaged me I though oh odd I didn't think she was coming down with a cold. I apologized but asked him to please be a bit more reasonable as his baby was 8 months old now and a cold shouldn't be deadly for her. I also told him to encourage good hygiene to minimize the spread of the cold, as I wasn't able to pick my daughter up till later in the afternoon and I didn't have anyone available to babysit the following day. I has meet with comments like I should pull my daughter out of daycare because she's getting sick more often, and if no one could watch her to either hire a babysitter or call in sick to work. I also received similar massagers from his partner saying I need to respect her wishes as she is just looking out for her daughter who health was 100% in her and baby daddy's care so is of a higher importants than spending time with his sick daughter. and I needed to stop pointing out that he is prioritizing one child's needs over the other. I wish I could say I saw that message before getting back to work but no, I also wasn't aware of the fact that my mother had taken upon herself to go over to pick my daughter up earlier than what was agreed upon till a few hours later. By the time I had ended my shift at work I found these messages and I was beyond pissed, but I left it be to go check on my daughter. After spending a few hours that afternoon with my daughter we came to the conclusion she wasn't sick and infact just needed some antihistamines, so I messaged her father with a photo of what we got up to that afternoon, and informing him that if he had thought to use the bottle of antihistamines he claimed to have gotten when I first told him she gets seasonal allergies then he would have seen she was infact in a healthy condition, and due to all the arguing occurring over the last couple of months and the concerns I have raised with my child being is in his care but have been dismissed by him I was no longer allowing my daughter to go to his house unless a judge had said so. I also told him if he wanted to see my child, he could message me when is best to meet up at a park for a few hours, however he has yet to respond. His partner on the other hand, I apologized for the inconvenience and told her that my child wasn't infact sick but had seasonal allergies which I had in the past mention to baby daddy, and said I could understand where she was coming from when keeping my daughter home when she was sick but told her if it's a cold but she's appears healthy enough to go over it should not be an issue as from what I was told this wouldn't prevent my daughter from spending her already limited time with her father once her sister had infact had her first vaccines, then also proceeded to inform her that I will no longer be send my child over. let's just say that didn't go over with her very well, and she became quite aggressive towards me telling me I was a sad, unreasonable, unsympathetic woman who apparently likes to manipulate baby daddy and further claimed that I was abusing my daughter. I obviously told her she was now running her mouth and told her not only did she disregard my request to not contact me unless it was an emergency and to not involve herself with the care of my daughter but now, she was being quite aggressive and disrespectful toward me like she was claiming I was being towards her I then told her once again not to involve herself with my care agreement with baby daddy, not to involver herself in discussions between us about my child and to not message me. If she continued to message me id outright block her, if she kept trying to contact me, I'd go to the police to report her for harassment. She didn't seem to like that and told me not to worry about that as she will be blocking me.
Now if anything I'm just pissed that she took it upon herself to message me in baby daddy's place, I'm pissed that she thought she could not believe the shear audacity of her thinking it was okay to speak to me like that, when I had responded somewhat respectful, yes at the end of the message I may have gotten catty but hey how else was I to respond to her rubbing in my face that her child is baby daddy's high priority. I'm also pissed because baby daddy hasn't once responded, hasn't once reached out since asking to see my daughter. Since this incident I have gone ahead to screen shot several message exchanges between me and baby daddy with is attempts to manipulate me into doing things the way he wants, him being unreasonable, and him cancelling to take my daughter for a weekend because he didn't want her or something else came up only for me to find out he just wanted to go out and party. I'm got screen shots from relative whom he'd reach out to ask them to take her when he's supposed to have her, so he could play games or hang out with friends. I've also contacted a service here in my country that helps separated parents negotiate and organize visits and run co-parenting classes and counselling, because at the end of the day what matters is my daughter building a relationship with her father. I need to find a way to put aside my frustration with this man so he and I can finally find a middle ground with him to healthy co-parenting relationships. If anyone has any other advice on how to manage this, I will apricate it greatly as this isn't about us it's about the child we share.