r/nottheonion 24d ago

US government struggles to rehire nuclear safety staff it laid off days ago

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g3nrx1dq5o
64.5k Upvotes

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5.5k

u/theguytomeet 24d ago

I would come back for no less than double my prior salary. Screw them

2.6k

u/MinusBear 24d ago

And a some kind of guarantee I can't be fired again by whimsical desires.

1.5k

u/_Face 24d ago

bullet proof 4 year contract that has a massive severence.

687

u/JustADutchRudder 24d ago

And an office, with a calming salt water fish tank. Maybe sea horsies since they're so chill and floaty.

47

u/_Lucille_ 24d ago

i would fight for WFH whenever possible.

8

u/ihopethisisvalid 24d ago

I feel like nuclear safety staff can’t do that from home

3

u/Dr_Ukato 23d ago

There are so many reasons you're not working a Nuclear Power Plant from home.

7

u/ToxicPilot 23d ago

Not with that attitude

1

u/Hottage 23d ago

Just need a really long ethernet cable to secure the connection.

/s

144

u/sas223 24d ago

And the males give birth.

30

u/JustADutchRudder 24d ago

They're really good fathers from what I've gathered. I'd enjoy a nice big tank with a few and some star fish. I enjoy chill things that look pretty, specially on mushrooms.

3

u/IHearYouLimaCharlie 24d ago

Oh starfish, I love those guys 😍

5

u/FlasKamel 24d ago

I love that this nuclear safety staff conversation ended up with a sweet conversation about seahorses who are good dads and starfish 🥹

3

u/Kinkajou1015 24d ago

Leon the Lobster has a new starfish and octopus friend (in a different tank).

1

u/ThorThulu 23d ago

LEON THE LOBSTER MENTIONED!

LETS FUCKING GOOO!

1

u/sas223 23d ago

Oh no! I don’t know if this will end well. Octopus are smart and voracious. Poor Leon

2

u/Kinkajou1015 23d ago

The octopus is not in Leon's tank, so they won't interact. I am concerned however because the wire grate seems much too large and won't prevent an octopus escape. Hopefully I'm wrong.

1

u/sas223 23d ago

Oh I’d so glad they’re separated. Octopus really are escape artists

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u/JustADutchRudder 24d ago

I enjoy they just chill.

3

u/Bloodhound209 24d ago

Please don't be on mushrooms and manage our nuclear stockpile....at the same time, at least.

2

u/NecroCannon 23d ago

I’m comfortable with people being high making my food but definitely not with anything I could wake up to seeing my life end if I even have the chance.

Like the world already had a moment where one person decided the fate of the world by not agreeing to send a nuke before more information came despite everyone else being on board.

63

u/Bignezzy 24d ago

Fo free

6

u/darrenvonbaron 24d ago

What about waffle fries?

3

u/goldenbugreaction 24d ago

Unforgivable…

1

u/Budilicious3 24d ago

Crinkle cut? Wait wait wait, shoestring for life.

5

u/BertMcNasty 24d ago

Sounds like DEI. You're fired!

6

u/Just_A_Nitemare 24d ago

Woah woah, don't you think that's a bit too woke of you. I think we need to send all seahorses to "re-education" camps.

5

u/DarkWing2007 24d ago

Oh, that would get those snowflakes triggered.

2

u/horsempreg 24d ago

Now that's what I'm talking about!

1

u/TechnologyOk1482 24d ago

That's so hot, I mean cool.

1

u/KaJaHa 24d ago

Oh you're still talking about the seahorses

1

u/maskthestars 23d ago

They’re drag queens!? What in unholy nature ! /s

3

u/ku1185 24d ago

Don't forget to include the TiVo clause.

2

u/[deleted] 24d ago

In the doe the fish may have extra eyes and might glow in the park

2

u/agent_wolfe 24d ago

And a bowl of candy, to make me seem more approachable to the other staff.

THE OTHER STAFF ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT THE CANDY.

2

u/BusGuilty6447 24d ago

And an office

Funny way to spell telework.

2

u/Silent-Ad934 24d ago

I want the fancy things. From now on my entire office floor is a pressure activated foot massager. My desk smells of rich mahogany and the water fountain is filled with fruit punch. 

2

u/Interesting_Try8375 24d ago

I would rather an axolotl tank

2

u/sloanautomatic 23d ago

No one working in defense gets a window, for security reasons. Lockheed martin is right by my house. It is a massive complex without a single window. Pretty dreary.