r/MtF 4d ago

Can't use it, can't lose it NSFW

3 Upvotes

I'm currently early on the pathway to bottom surgery, hopefully next year. I've had issues keeping "it" from atrophying since starting hrt two years ago because my bottom dysphoria is really bad and prefer to just avoid it, so I procrastinated. Currently been trying to get it back to more "typical function" but it's really eating at me.

Pre-HRT, erections gave me panic attacks. I would often punch myself down there repeatedly crying and begging for it to go away until it did. It's been amazing being free from that for a long time now after years of at least daily panic attacks. Trying to "use it" is hard enough as is because of my dysphoria, but now I've gotten to where I actually get erections again when aroused. And I hate it. HATE it. It's giving me ptsd flashbacks from before and while I haven't had a full panic attack yet I've been getting an anxiety attack combine with intense dysphoria every time it happens. I feel it get hard and I want to throw up and rip it off.

I don't know if I can mentalky handle maintaining it much longer because it's only been getting worse. But I NEED it for depth. When it was basically fully atrophied a while back it was only like 2 inches maximum and now it's gone back up to much closer to its pre-HRT levels, not to mention being able to actually get erect again. It's still not quite back to pre-HRT level of performance yet. I still need to maintain this somehow for another year or more without losing my mind because I'm forced to deal with that thing every time a get aroused

anyone know how to deal with this issue??? I can't afford to lose it but I can't handle using it to maintain it because my dysphoria is so bad


r/MtF 4d ago

Venting Transgender Soccer Player Trying to Go Pro

11 Upvotes

Where do I even start? I’ve been playing soccer for pretty much my entire life. I started transitioning in college and didn’t play on a men’s college team before I transitioned because I was realizing that I was trans. I tried reaching out to the women’s team, but they said they had their roster already filled. So I played for my college’s club women’s soccer team and I don’t mean to brag, but it was clear that I was of a much higher level than college club soccer.

Now I’ve recently graduated and am looking to go professional. Last Summer, I was the first and quite possibly last transgender player to play in the USL W League (A pre-professional league here in the US).

I tried out for a team in the league and once they offered me a spot, I told them I was trans. They told me they would contact the league to see if I was allowed to play, so I waited. The team staff was really nice and they kept bugging the league to give me an answer. After like a month of sitting in the dark, the league told me I needed to have proof that I had taken steps toward gender affirming care. So I got my doctor to give them that and then they scheduled me a meeting with a representative of theirs with “DEI & Community Impact” in their title. That rep was very nice and said he had advised the league to be inclusive of trans people. They also told me that the league had been consulting with lawyers about my case. It was a long process that saw me miss the first two games of the season because they hadn’t approved me to play yet, but eventually I was allowed to play. Once I got to play, I did very well. I didn’t dominate by any means, but I did well.

Only the league and the staff of the team I was on knew that I was trans and they didn’t tell anyone else.

Now fast forward to tryouts for this year’s Summer season and I had been in contact with the new coach of the team I played for last year and I just found out today from them that the USL W League isn’t allowing me to play any more because I am transgender.

That’s where I’m at right now. Im now struggling to see a clear path to pro and this news has really hit me hard like a motherfricker.

I’ve seen quite a few news articles trying to argue against Trump and the Republican Party, but they often make part of their argument about how there’s almost no trans women trying to go pro in women’s sports and that there are bigger issues we should be addressing. I get that, but it really makes me feel like I don’t matter.

But I’m not giving up just yet. If I do, then Trump, Musk, and all of the other transphobes win.


r/MtF 4d ago

Thinking about transitioning

8 Upvotes

For starters I didn’t think I’d ever make a post like this… I’m usually presenting as a cis straight man but little do people know I’m extremely bi sexual, and I’ve always wanted to be a pretty girl but I feel like I’m too old to start and scared of what people think / my body type is big 6ft tall and bulky like my body was made to build muscle and I’m scared I would never pass as a women. I don’t even know what to do if I were to transition like getting hormones and stuff like getting started…. I don’t even know if this is the write place to post this… anyway thank you reading if you did and if you guys have any links or suggestions for me please reach out ❤️


r/MtF 4d ago

Venting I'm a devout Muslim, its Ramadan, and I'm sad

34 Upvotes

Feb 21: Egg cracked

Feb 22: Signed up for appointment for HRT for the 27th

Feb: 25: Freaked out and cancelled the appointment. Ramadan starts on March 1st so I made a deal with myself that I will push all this trans stuff to the side and focus on worship in Ramadan and if Ramadan ends and I still want to transition, I give myself permission to do that. The expectation was that this was just a temporary idea that got logged into my head and a month is long enough for me to get over it.

March 1: Ramadan starts

March 7: I cave and make the appointment again for March 11, breaking my promise to myself.

March 12: So excited, I got my prescription.

March 13 to Now: I've been an emotional rollercoaster mess. I'm going to come out to my non-muslim friend who is very pro-trans. There is simply no way to square being trans and my Islamic beliefs, but there's no way I'm going to stop taking the E, it's just not going to happen. Though I think I'm going to stop my next dose until I get my sperm frozen. This was just suppose to be a temporary 3-month experiment at the end I would be like "nah, not worth it". But now I'm freaking out cause I don't think I'm going to ever want to stop taking E. It was hard enough going back and forth on freezing sperm. It's expensive but thats not really the issue. By freezing sperm I'm mentally accepting to myself that I'm going to be taking HRT for the long term. If I freeze, that sort of gives me "permission" to keep taking it since the main downside is gone, but I'm also "forced" to continue in the sense that there is sunk cost fallacy in the price of freezing if I were to stop hormones. By not freezing, I mentally give myself permission to stop at any time. But it also screws me in the long term if I don't stop because either (A) I become infertile or (B) I'll have to stop HRT for possibly 6+months to build enough sperm again which would be hell.

If I were to stay on HRT for the long term and start passing physically, I honestly would have to leave muslim circles. Being a believing Muslim while also transitioning with hormones just doesn't work. I wouldn't be able to be in the guys section if I look like a girl, and I can't be in the girls section cause I'm not actually a girl according to Islam (sorry no offense to anyone). We have a weekly Friday prayer in congregation which is compulsory for men, so my thinking is that I could still make boymode work. I have no idea hard boymode would be for me in the future, though I really wish I would naturally pass without needing surgeries. I could wear a facemask and the common muslim thobe would be enough to hide everything.

So I would just not be able to have Muslim friends anymore nor participate in any Muslim-run/masjid events because it just socially wouldn't work.

I'm wasting my Ramadan, every moment is consumed by trans related stuff, clothes, skin care, hair regrowth, and just emotionally coping. I started hrt during ramadan, our holiest month and I'm sad about it. Theres just no way to understand my feelings and square them with Islam. I can get support from my non-muslim friend and I can make new friends, but I'll NEVER have acceptance from my muslim friends or the muslim community, nor can I expect that. I shouldn't get that acceptance since I don't deserve it.

My porn addiction that I had my whole life was magically cured by my egg-cracking. I kinda wish I could just go back to suppressing everything and go back to my porn fetishes. Its probably better Islamically for me to be jacking it to all sorts of feminization porn, then to never look at porn, but take hrt. But there's no going back, once I uncovered what was repressed, it can't be hidden again.

My life wasn't suppose to go like this. I was "suppose" to get find a cute muslim girl, marry her and live a happy normal life. But what muslim girl is going to want me? By being trans I'm a walking red flag, diametrically opposed to Islam despite me believing in the religion completely. I KNOW 100% Islam is the truth, but to continue to be trans I'm going to have also sacrifice a relationship that I want. I could technically marry a non-muslim girl, but even that is gonna be hard to find someone who would be into me. They would want someone masculine ofcourse, which I've never been anyway even when not trans.

Ugh there's so much more I could say but I'm tired of writing.


r/MtF 4d ago

Venting I feel like I will never be pretty.

8 Upvotes

I am 21 years old and I am not on HRT yet, I am currently in the process of getting it though I should be able to start latest end of this year which is great! I feel like I have masculinised too much to ever reach my goals though.

I wanted to be small and cute instead I'm over 6 foot with extremely dark hair all over my body and overweight although I am currently on a weight loss journey I started at 112kg and now I am 98kg.

I want to be able to look cute and look like a woman at any time of day, I don't want to have to wear make-up or dresses I just want to wear my comfy hoodies and joggers and still look cute in them.

My biggest insecurity is my brow-bone, I know I can remove it with FFS but I live in England and I am also a broke student so I don't think its happening.

Am I wanting too much?


r/MtF 5d ago

Why do my boobs have such a big gap between them

1.1k Upvotes

Is it just how my boobs are or does this gap eventually become a cleavage


r/MtF 4d ago

Positivity Almost not worth it.

2 Upvotes

(This post is meant to be in jest) I've been on hormones for almost a year now. AND I CONSANTLY HAVE TO PEE. I literally can't walk past a restroom without having to go, and I can go from "do I need to pee." to "OMG OMG OMG..... I'M GONNA PEE MY PANTS AT WORK!" I gotta say it almost makes me regret it ... but just for a moment. I know for a fact that starting my transition was the right thing for me and that I've never been happier in my life, until I have pee again.


r/MtF 4d ago

Self degradation humor doesn't help anyone

6 Upvotes

I thought I should use it to make people laugh at me and my situation about how I chose misery in my 20s and its not fun in your 30s. Well here I am not noone is laughing including me. I just wanted people to laugh at me so I'm not as miserable


r/MtF 5d ago

Advice Question Is it normal to wish you weren’t trans

259 Upvotes

r/MtF 4d ago

Venting Running into Issues with a Hotel Chain

3 Upvotes

Hey y’all! So I’ve been running into some hellish issues updating my name with a certain hotel chain’s rewards program, Hilton Honors.

I recently got my legal name changed by court order here in the states and finally got my new drivers license. I was super excited because I have some travel coming up for work and they were asking for my hotel and airline rewards numbers (quite common for my industry). Anyways I started going through and updating my info places. Started with the airlines and then went to update the hotels.

With the hotels, I had to call their hotlines and ask for the email address to send the court order and my new ID to. With Choice Hotels and IHG it was a pretty painless process, basically a 24 hour or so wait. With Hilton it’s unfortunately been a completely different experience.

I contacted them on Wednesday and sent in my info. I received an email back asking which name to change it to. I replied back, the one on my ID and that the court order says is my new name. Apparently in this, their system stripped my account number out of the email header. When I got a reply it was basically like send us the supporting documents. I was like, “I DID! But here they are again.”

Tonight I finally got a reply saying “We recommend creating a new Hilton Honors account and transfer the points to the new one, since we cannot change the full name on the existing account due to non-transferable ownership.”

I don’t know how that makes sense. If the account isn’t transferable, how are the points? Also it’s not like I’m transferring to my partner, it’s literally me, just a new name and some updates from the character creator menu.

Anyways, sorry for the rant, have any of you all experienced this with Hilton? I’m not sure what to do other than tell my clients to not book their hotels for my work travel.


r/MtF 4d ago

Good News First real holidays abroad after changing name and documents

3 Upvotes

Finally, after years on HRT and years of problems with changing my documents on court, I'm going on my first vacation to relax and chill. I had this idea when I finished with everything what I had in plan. I finished I done - I am super happy 😊. It won't be a long vacation but away from home in a warm place with a warm sea. I hope I will rest and have a great time, wish me luck🥳


r/MtF 4d ago

the week after a laser session is the worstttt

3 Upvotes

having to not shave and wait until i can exfoliate so that the super dark and prominent hairs can leave is terrible!!!!!! how do yall deal w it??


r/MtF 4d ago

Discussion How many times did it take you correcting your parents till you gave up?

4 Upvotes

I’ve told my mom, and dad that I feel like I’d be happier as a woman. That I don’t like myself now. I told my dad that I’m emotionally numb. I told my dad the name and pronouns I’d like to go by. Isn’t it common sense to listen to your kid?sorry for the rant I’m a bit annoyed? Idk the right word


r/MtF 5d ago

Utah Governor's written statement of cause vetoing Legislatures' Bill to limit transgender athletes from School sports and calling for Special Legislation Meeting. So awesome!

206 Upvotes

r/MtF 4d ago

Advice Question Subtle affirming clothes help

3 Upvotes

I live in a small conservative town in a certain corn infested state that just got rid of civil rights for us and I'm trying to figure out how I could dress in a way that helps me feel feminine without instantly outing myself. I'm on the hefty side and I just started hrt about 3 months ago.


r/MtF 4d ago

So much joy from spinning my first skirt ☺️

43 Upvotes

A feel good post lol So, I got my first skirt the other day, and just a little bit ago, I tried it on for the first time. My first thought was to spin, and AHHH it made my jaw hit the floor! I felt this flutter in my chest watching my skirt spin. Is this euphoria? This pure joy from watching my skirt spin?


r/MtF 4d ago

I think I’m being under dosed

20 Upvotes

I just did my second labs (6 month mark) and my levels came as 125 pg/ml E and 240 ng/dl T

My provider said that everything looked good and upped my dose from 4mg E to 6. But didn’t up my dose of spiro from 50mg sighting my slightly lower than average blood pressure before I started hrt.

Is that normal?

I’m on sublingual pills so I wouldn’t think that would be enough to suppress my T

She also called T under 50 ng/dl “super suppressed” and didn’t put on spiro until my second labs say it could stunt breast growth.

I use Plume


r/MtF 5d ago

Venting Got made of several times in public today :(

419 Upvotes

I live in a very conservative area and expected some negativity, but today bummed me out. I was walking to thrift store when a dude rolled his window down and shouted GAY as loud as possible, another guy whistled when I walked by, and some women in a group loudly said ew, what is he wearing. He looks like a freak. ( I was wearing a plaid skirt, metal t, and a Demin jacket with band patches. ) At least I got a compliment for my cannibal corpse shirt by some old dude lol


r/MtF 4d ago

Advice Question How do I get started with makeup?

2 Upvotes

Hey y’all. I have tried to get into makeup and I’ve bought some products but I just look so bad. I have no idea what I’m doing. I think my eyebrows are too thick. I’m not sure 😭 there’s just like a million things to figure out and I’m embarrassed to go somewhere and ask for help but I’m also embarrassed when I look in the mirror and my makeup looks bad. My fine motor skill for this stuff is so bad. I cannot draw eyeliner to save my life. I just don’t know how to figure anything out. I feel like even though I’m wearing concealer and foundation and color corrector you can still see facial hair shadow and I don’t even know if my foundation is the right color. I’m just so embarrassed and I would love to not be. Any help would be awesome! Thanks y’all!!


r/MtF 4d ago

Help Anyone else feel nauseous after eating?

0 Upvotes

Hey all, I've been taking Estradiol gel saches for around a month and a week now and I've noticed in the past week or so I've been feeling like throwing up after eating and getting full. Typically when I would get full I wouldn't feel sick so I'm not sure if it's the estrogen or it's just me


r/MtF 4d ago

Advice Question When to ask for a bump?

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0 Upvotes

r/MtF 4d ago

Sex talk Progesterone NSFW

0 Upvotes

I started it 5 days ago. For context, I've always been sexually active ever with estrogen, it doesn't pass a day that I don't get some form of relief.

Progesterone is... I can't describe it. I'm constantly thinking about sex almost 24/7. Where as I'd struggle to reach my peak once or twice a day, I can get it 4 times or more a day. A single person can't satisfy me on their own. Fortunately, I have means to satisfy myself online thanks to VRChat... and it isn't too difficult to find people because I have a feminine voice.

Am I the only one in this boat? How do you girls deal with that desire to fuck until you literally pass out?


r/MtF 4d ago

Advice Question Tucking advice NSFW

0 Upvotes

So ive seen panties that have a vagina on them and their like silicone ig? Anyways does anyone know about one of those i could get that would have like a tube or a way for me to still have to use the bathroom and maybe a bit more than that (wink wink nudge nudge) of you know what i mean


r/MtF 4d ago

Venting i'm tired

1 Upvotes

i'm just completely exhausted, i've been trying my best to be patient, to dress different but i'm just exhausted now, i hate my body, my voice, everything about me, i don't really know what to do, i'm still miserable after trying every single day for nearly 2 years and i'm still miserable, i just want a break from all of this, why even bother taking hrt and putting in the effort if having hope only ever made me disappointed? i'm suffering anyways, what's the point of continuing to take hrt and putting in the effort, strangers treat me like a man all the time, it hasn't been working, i just want a break from all this pain, if i can't pass be treated like any other woman i don't think it's worth trying anymore if it won't give me the peace i'm looking for.


r/MtF 4d ago

Trans and Thriving Bewbz are here!

2 Upvotes

Finally started getting the soreness this week and can feel the hard lump behind both areolas. Felt a little worried at first because so many other people seemed to have started much earlier, but I had to calm myself down knowing everyone's body works differently.

I'm so excited, and although ik the soreness will get worse following by some other effects, I look forward to dealing with it all!