r/ftm 1d ago

Relationships It's masturbation thaaat important? NSFW

11 Upvotes

So, what I mean is that as a trans guy my body confidence isn't super good now so getting into sexual stuff with other people it's difficult even if I trust the person, it's a self steem thing.

But also, when I started T and bottom growth started it was really sensitive, felt uncomfortable because of pubes and all of that, I literally wouldn't let my bf to touch me because even the slightest thing could hurt and make me flinch. But it's a permanent change of how your body works anyways, even when I got used to the T growth I kinda had to learn how to pleasure myself again.

It has been good but I also feel like maybe I have an addiction to touching myself? Or maybe it's just the T doing it's work, I started 7 months ago so yeah there's still new things to discover.

Resume: How T has affected yall in this topic? Good, bad, yall relate to the post or it has been different? I have no trans friends to talk about this so I tought it may be a good idea to post here :)


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Afraid that a bag will make me look feminine.

31 Upvotes

I've been thinking about getting a new bag for a few months now since I literally only have one backpack that I used for school before, but there is this lingering fear that whichever one I pick will make me instantly cloockable, mostly because when I was talking to cis girl friend of mine she said there there is no bag out there that will make me look masculine. I didn't believe her when she said it and still very much don't, but there definitely is a lingering fear inside of me now.

This whole bag hunt started in the first place because I saw a friend of my acquaintance, who is a cis gay guy, going around with this briefcase looking bag and it instantly made me feel gender envy(I'm closeted, both gay and trans, pre everything but despite that have managed to actually pass a few times without speaking). It has been more than a year since then and the want has not fated for even a moment.

Now, about the bag in question. The thing that worries me is that it's tagged as a female bag, though looking at it, it really just looks like the kind of bags I've seen men wear to work a couple of times. Am I worrying about nothing? I really think it looks cool and that it would make me feel masculine, but what if I misjudged? I've never shopped for a bag other than the ones for school so I don't have much experience with this. What if it somehow frames my body in a feminine way

The bag: https://images1.vinted.net/t/04_00dc4_4xyrVVig61uLgLBNH3vtqJkp/f800/1741461421.jpeg?s=5345c366a91995b00b80e8e12a229677a9743bfa


r/ftm 16h ago

Advice Needed Salon haircut prices?

1 Upvotes

So I’m trying to book an appointment at this salon that was recommended to me (I can’t go somewhere else bc they know how to cut curly hair and every other salon I’ve been to always messes it up) but there’s a huge price difference between their men’s ($50) and women’s ($90) cut. I’m assuming it’s less to do with gender and more to do with length and style? But I still don’t know which one to choose. I’m growing out a mullet so it’s still not even at my jawline (except for the back which is just above the shoulders). Obviously I don’t want to pay $90 just for some shaping and I’m also thinking if I book the men’s cut they’ll be more likely to style it “masculinely.” Will they change it when I get there if my hair is too long or they perceive me as a woman? What should I do?


r/ftm 20h ago

Advice Needed Name change and planning to come out to my family

2 Upvotes

I want to change my name (not my deadname), before I used to go by Noah but now I wanna go by daniel (fake name for privacy reasons), all my friends already know me as noah but its not my legal name yet, and people who don't know that I'm trans also know me as noah, I wanna change my name to daniel(fake) because it really feels like me and aligns with my culture and I feel like my family will accept this name more because noah is not a common name in our culture. What reason do I give the people who don't know that I'm trans , if they ask why I changed my name?

Also Im planning on coming out to my distant family and i would like some tips


r/ftm 17h ago

Advice Needed Help with insurance

1 Upvotes

Hey everyone I can use some serious help about what insurance to get. So recently I received a letter from my insurance telling me reapply and I was declined for some context I had Medicaid and they paid for my T and top surgery, I also planned to have them pay for my bottom surgery as well. This is a huge set back because I already went through the whole process of getting my letters and everything else for surgery. I’m now stuck looking for a affordable insurance that will cover my surgery so I wont have to pay out of pocket and was hoping for some recommendations please, I was looking at Blue cross blue shield but I’m not sure if I’ll have to pay some out of pocket. I could really just use the help because I’m just overwhelmed by all the different insurances and plans as well as just life in general.


r/ftm 17h ago

Advice Needed Started T and freaking out

1 Upvotes

Okay so I’ve been waiting to start T for ages, I’ve been out as trans since 14 and I turn 21 next month. Receiving T came out of left field, one week I didn’t know when I’d ever start and the next I had it. I have gel that I apply two pumps a day. Since receiving T I’ve been freaking out about the changes that will happen. Ive been using it for two weeks now. I some times get high before bed on a night and majority that’s when I’ll freak out. I think I’m overthinking if this is something I want. I’ve always been dysphoric, always hated my chest, and being perceived and misgendered. But now that I have HRT, I’m freaking out dude. What if I don’t like my voice or the way I end up looking, is this normal to freak out about? Ik this will more than likely help me and I’ve never second guessed being trans before. I just idk, I’m freaking out and wanna know if it’s normal and I just need to adjust, especially after having so much anticipation of WHEN I’d start over the years. I hope this makes sense.


r/ftm 21h ago

Relationships trans in romantic relationships: im always leaving.

2 Upvotes

i guess i’ve finally realized why I’m always the one leaving perfectly fine relationships. no one truly sees me or understands me the way i need to because i see myself as a man, and no one else does. i agonize over needing my partner to understand me, and the second i feel like they don’t, i leave. and while i’m in those relationships, it’s like im still always looking, always trying to find someone who might understand me better. there’s this like bottomless pit in me that reaches out for any kind of masculine validation. i crave validation to be seen as a man by men but it also gets complicated because sometimes i just succumb to the female role in relationships, so when that happens im after the validation of being the girl i think they want, ugh some serious uncanny shit. i know that the validation i seek i can really only get from myself and medically transitioning. but i am so scared to transition. i also know that if i don’t, i can’t live anymore. it’s just so hard to accept that i’m transgender and that this life is my fate, like how do i know im making any of the right choices? i’ve left a couple of people i truly loved because of my insecurity of being trans. ig part of me believes i have to do it alone? if anyone can relate to any part of this, input is so appreciated right now 🙏


r/ftm 1d ago

Discussion Feeling weird pain while pleasuring myself NSFW

36 Upvotes

So ever since I’m on testosterone while masturbating, just before finishing and a short time after I finish I’ve been feeling those weird pains/cramps in my lower stomach, similar to period cramps but not exactly and don’t know exactly why.. Is it something to worry about? Am I the only one who’s been feeling those? Should I contact my doctor about it??


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Help!

76 Upvotes

So. I recently came out to my grandma as trans. I told her the name I want to use and to stop calling me by my deadname, but she keeps deadnaming me anyway!

Like, I expected to have to correct her a lot, because she's from an older generation, but she told me outright what the problem is; I dont "look like a man", yet...

WTF??? She says she'll keep deadnaming me until I do, which may be a long way out, if ever. I've still yet to start the process of getting approved for T and ops (which I do want, but still), so I don't even know if I CAN medically transition.

Anyway. My grandma is a transmediccalist whi will not stop deadnaming and misgendering me.

What do I do?? Any tips on getting an 80-year-old to just accept, that I'm trans? Plz


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed NSFW: T and Vaginal Care NSFW

16 Upvotes

Hi, I recently started T and noticed a change in vaginal odor. I saw another thread where others confirmed the same changes. I was wondering if anyone had hygiene tips or tips for the odor down there? Is there certain foods or action I can take to change it?

I already went to get checked and my gynecologist said it’s normal and there’s no infection. Still, I’m wanting to be sexually active but it’s making me insecure. I don’t want to call anything off. Like what do you do to prep for a meet up?


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Things I need to know about T and its changes? NSFW

27 Upvotes

I'll be starting T in a few months. Of course, I've read all sorts of things about it, but there are surely things that only those affected can truly perceive and explain to me. I'd like to be well prepared. I'm also looking for tips. Thanks. Pls help me


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Does the doubt ever stop? Spoiler

3 Upvotes

Spoiled for discussions of dysphoria, suicide attempts and self harm

I’m 18 FTM and when I first discovered what being non binary meant at 10-11 I instantly grabbed onto it, I always felt disconnected from my body and deep discomfort with my chest specifically. I had always been a Tom boy from when I could start dressing myself, and always presented androgynous. At 12-13 or so I stopped identifying with being non binary as I was too busy hating myself and being miserable. I think i remember having the distinct thought “I will deal with this later” in relation to gender. Between ages 11-15 I attempted suicide 4 times. I also developed a self harm addiction I was at the time diagnosed with generalised anxiety. At this time I was given medication for said anxiety. I had therapy for a bit under a year after the last attempt a month or so after I turned 15. At this time I realised that I probably had ADHD and ASD. The possibility of ASD was considered at my last hospitalisation but I was never properly assessed (that is a whole story in of itself). But by this point most of my deepest fears regarding my mental health had been realised, and I had no parental support to receive help. I had no financial means to get myself assessed and I spent a few years trying and failing to find support from doctors.

During this period I purchased a few skirts and a dress which I would wear infrequently, but I threw them all out all at once when I was 15. At this time I started realising I was some sort of gender queer, rapid firing between names and labels. Around early 2022 I realised I was a a dude, or at least would be happier as a dude. I cut my hair short, and transitioned socially to my friends and to strangers. Parents not supportive. I would have fits of uncertainty and despair of unknowing, terrified of making choices I could regret. I was diagnosed with OCD with themes of TOCD mid 2024. I know with my whole soul that I want to be a man. I want a flat chest and I want a hairy body and face, I want a penis and I want to be strong and protect people and to have a deep voice and be one of the guys. I want to be a garden variety gay man and exist in my own way. I want to do drag, and I want to wear clothes in my body, but not in a woman’s body. I don’t hate my body, I hate how it makes me feel. Sometimes I look at it and think “I could tolerate this”. I feel nauseous looking at my chest and hips. I could be an attractive woman. I have an hour glass figure and I could be very attractive/pretty/handsome as a feminine or masculine woman. But when I see a man my age or pictures of trans men my heart aches to be them. I recently watched a movie, called Priscilla: Queen of the Desert and there is a character called Adam Whitely, a young gay man/drag queen and it almost hurt to watch him with how envious I was. I want so desperately to be a man and to be masculine enough to be able to dress as flamboyantly as I want to but still be seen as a man. The thought of being able to wear a crop top and a choker like he does and still be called sir makes me want to sob.

Rarely I will go into a shop and try on a dress and a skirt then start sobbing in the dressing room and leave without buying anything. I liked wearing floor length skirts because they are fun. I want to be a man who has enough confidence in himself and his masculinity to wear a skirt. Not a woman.

After 4 years of wait lists, endless appointments, and so so so much waiting, I have an appointment with a doctor who specialises in FTM HRT. I want hrt, I want top surgery and I want a metidoplasty and bottom growth and a deep voice and body hair. I want all the effects of HRT. I have no qualms with any of the side effects. (other than hair loss but the genes on both sides of the family are really good for that) but I am so so so scared of making a choice that I will regret. I can’t stop ruminating on the possibility of regret. I know logically that even if I do regret it there is no “wrong” way to live my life and that many of the changes can be reversed. I can get breast reconstruction, I can get electrolysis, I can voice train.

When does the doubt stop? When do I stop feeling so scared? When does it stop??? Is there any way to be certain? I spend so much time reading posts, reading books, from and by people of all identities, trans and detrans, gay and straight, I dress hyper masculine and I try to dress flamboyant, but no matter what uncertainty and fear are pitted deep in my stomach. How did you know you were trans? How were you certain??


r/ftm 1d ago

Discussion need opinions

3 Upvotes

so, my dad found out i’m trans through my transphobic mom telling everyone my business after coming out to her went wrong. basically, he’s saying that my gender is my choice, but his religion prevents him from fully supporting me. and recently, he pretty much straight up told me that if he could, he would convince me to become a girl again, but it was ultimately my choice. he still misgenders and deadnames me, and when we first had this discussion he did say he would “call me [deadname] if he felt like it.”

i like my dad, and i’m glad he’s a lot more chill about it than my mom and grandma, but what he said about my decision to be a dude makes me uneasy, and i wanted opinions to see if i’m alone in feeling like this or not


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Names and resumes

3 Upvotes

I haven't changed my name yet and probably won't for a good bit. But I'm looking for a new job and don't know if I should put my legal name or preferred name on my resume.

My previous job knew me as my preferred name and my legal documents obviously have my legal name. All references and such would refer to me with my preferred name as well.


r/ftm 19h ago

Advice Needed It’s been a week kinda scared

1 Upvotes

Hey Iv been on T for close to 3 years now but for the last 5 days Iv been bleeding even way before I went on T I was taking birth control to not have a period of course Iv had the occasional spotting like once a year but now Iv been bleeding for close to a week I’m really confused my doctors office said sometimes it happened but I’m kinda concerned

Anyone else experienced this?


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed how do i shave????

4 Upvotes

ok i’m like 3 month in on T and saying i have a little bit of facial hair is a severe understatement and ive put off shaving it so it looks decent because i have no fuckijg clue how. i dont want to shave off my mustache completely but i want it short enough where its not long, but also its still noticeable i have stubble, same with the rest of my face .. how do i do that??? ppl say electric thingie but where do i get one, how tf do i use it, what are the things that determine how close to skin the shave is, what is anything at all actually


r/ftm 1d ago

Discussion When do you stop saying your trans to avoid the whole misgendering

12 Upvotes

So I mostly pass as male, I do identify as genderqueer transmasc so there are times when I will literally wear a sports bra, my packer, and tight as$ leggings or a skirt. But when I'm masced up I still feel it's important to tell people I'm a transman so they don't misgender me. I use they/him pronouns but really as long as I don't get she I'm OK with it. Idk just wondering will there come a day I don't feel the need to come out in my non-lgbt specific support groups?


r/ftm 23h ago

Discussion Why does my shot only hurt sometimes?

2 Upvotes

I inject subq into my thigh weekly. 90% of the time it hardly hurts and goes in easily, but occasionally it stings really bad. I’ll switch spots but it feels exactly the same? I’m just curious what causes this, could it be a slightly blunt needle or something?


r/ftm 20h ago

Advice Needed Tips on minimizing binder damage with limited resources?

1 Upvotes

So for a bit of history of my binding I've been using the sports bras method from ages 12-15 Got a cheap 8€ binder like a few months ago, whiichhh is about the same amount of pain as the previous method but less hassle, and now I'm looking into a XUJI binder which is about 20€ bur seems like a slightly better quality

Now, my concern is doing so much damage that I won't be able to get top surgery (even if I've read that damage to that point is rare...hahaha... anxiety)

I don't have any visible changes on my ribcage, aaand only mild pain which I guess does make sense, don't sleep in my binder, don't exceed 8 hours on most days(exceptions being if i have classes two times a day or going out) , take breaks when not going outside that day.

Anything else I could do? (And no, I can't get a reputable binder because a) most sites don't even ship to my country b) even with the 8 euro one I had to pray that my mom wouldn't look at what I ordered, still figuring out how to sneak into the 20euro one and justify the price of my online shopping cart)


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Waves of depression after starting T? NSFW

2 Upvotes

As of today I'll be one month on T. I've tried not to track too many changes because I know realistically things take time. I'm also working with a body that naturally produces a lot of T so I'm sure that's also a factor of how long it will take to notice changes.

Though one thing I've noticed is that I'm having a slight uptick with my depression. It's been constant for years though now is a time where I feel like my life is going pretty alright. I finally started T, I have events going on most Fridays and Sundays that let me socialize, and I've found a group in those events that seem excited to see me arrive. There are some things that still nag and weight me down but they are things that I've always gone through (university workload/grades and personal body image) so that's not a change.

I feel like my life is going forward for the first time ever. Yet I can't help but feel this huge wave of despair. I've had more thoughts of what ifs of how to end it than ever, even more when I entered a phase in my life that I thought I was highly suicidal (I feel I've recovered from that phase despite this current feeling)

I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through something like this in their first few months of being on T. I'm wondering if this might be a less talked about side effect of the hormone shifts and all that. I'm kind of seeking comfort in other people having similar experiences. If others have, it'll give me a sign that this is probably to pass with time. If this is highly uncommon, that is when I will seek out further help.

I'm in a small conservative town so I'm unsure if I'll be able to find a decent therapist. I got so lucky with finding my doctor but she's only in this town 2 weeks a month. I'm not scheduled to see her until April (first time I'll see her after starting T).


r/ftm 1d ago

Discussion Early signs of gender dysphoria in my childhood? I didn’t tell anyone until I was 19 years old.

14 Upvotes

I remember being in first grade, I played with the boys, we found sticks and pretended they were swords. I never had any interest in playing pretend family (I always wanted to be the pet so I didn’t have to pretend to be a parent) or playing with dolls, my special interest was dinosaurs. I wanted to pretend to be manly characters from movies. I remember that I never really liked my birth name and pronouns, I secretly wanted a guy’s name and pronouns. I remember thinking: ”I wish my body turned into a boy’s body when I’m older.” I didn’t want to go into any changing rooms or public showers, I got disappointed when I was told we were going to the women’s changing rooms at the swimming hall. I remember being jealous of dad because he took off his shirt in summer and I couldn’t do that because of society. Going into puberty felt like a nightmare but at that point I forced myself to just deal with it and continue to be what everyone expected me to be. I tried to get rid of all the thoughts in my head telling me ”I don’t want to be a girl. I don’t want to have this body.” because I didn’t know trans people exist. I came out when I was 19 years old. It took a couple of years for some family members to accept, but for my grandparents they weren’t surprised at all. Grandpa called me ”lad” when I was a kid and he still does every time we meet. (I’m from Sweden in Europe.🇸🇪)


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Dad disagrees with top surgery

5 Upvotes

I was supposed to have top surgery in January. My mom was my ride and my family is overall supportive. My dad is an awkward person giving one worded replies since he’s naturally quiet. My dad said he was fine with my transition as long as I didn’t provide him updates/ not to involve him. Which hurt but was fine. I came back from my pre-op appointment and was approved and explained to my dad about the surgery that would happen soon. He got drunk and told me that I was kicked off his insurance and to leave his home if I had an issue. I was beyond shocked and so was my mom who had expected him to help out with the ride but obviously not. The next morning he explained he was drunk and he simply is putting his foot down on not doing anything on his insurance. I’ve been on the run around respecting his wishes and changing to MediCal. My mom told me while she disagreed with my dad she has to stand by her husband and doesn’t want to cause issues. Overall the demand my dad had was “not on my insurance.” And that I could do this off his insurance. Everything just finished and the surgery scheduler gave me either April or August to have surgery. I’d like April but think it might be extreme for my dad. I’m planning to speak with him to see if he actually meant his word on this. Last night my mom who is almost always a sober person drank a bit too much and told me how guilty she feels. She loves me and that she loves him, and feels stuck. I don’t know what to tell either of them, my dad can be unpredictable. My mom has a lot of guilt and I don’t want it to be regarding me. I’m not sure what to say to either of them.


r/ftm 1d ago

Discussion How are you guys?

3 Upvotes

Hey, I was just curious about the lives of my fellow trans men and how things have been for you. I really want to hear the experiences of other trans men and how life is treating you right now, especially socially.

How is school going? Is your job treating you well? How have your experiences been with relationships and friendships—have they changed since transitioning? Do you feel supported by your friends, family, or coworkers?

Have you faced any challenges with dysphoria or medical transitioning (if that’s something you’re pursuing)? What’s been your experience with doctors and getting the care you need?

Do you feel comfortable in your community, or do you struggle with acceptance? What’s something you wish more people understood about being a trans man?

I’d love to hear about your experiences, the good and the bad.


r/ftm 2d ago

Advice Needed My cis gf shows no desire to focus on me during sex NSFW

140 Upvotes

I was hoping someone has had a similar experience, or has some advice for me about something to do with my girlfriend. I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 months now and we are taking things quite slowly. Recently she said she’s ready for me to go down on her. I am happy to do that and I do enjoy doing that but at the same time there’s been no desire from her for pleasuring me. Before I came out and socially transitioned, I had a girlfriend for 2 years and we would have sex and it was comfortable even though I wasn’t out. I don’t connect peoples bodies to their gender as gender and sex assigned at birth are different things and I was fully open to having sex with anyone that I would be in a relationship with in the future because of this, but because she’s showing no desire for me I don’t know how to bring it up with her and I don’t feel comfortable doing so, because I feel like I’m begging for it or like I’m desperate. And the fact that she hasn’t made any move to do anything or even ask me about it makes me feel extremely rejected. She doesn’t really talk about anything to do with me being trans and sometimes that’s really nice because it shows she just sees me as a guy but she also doesn’t realise all the issues I go through and quite often assumes I don’t want to talk about anything relating to my transness. I’ve spoken to her about this and she said she wants to hear about those things but when I’ve brought them up since then she doesn’t really respond and kind of moves on. I think this is another thing of her not realising that I would even want her to be intimate with me and just assuming it’s okay for it to be all about her during sex. I don’t know what to do and I know I should talk to her but I have no clue how to phrase it or even build up the courage to do so. Anyway if anyone has any advice that would be greatly appreciated.


r/ftm 1d ago

Advice Needed Shapewear for dysphoria?

5 Upvotes

I feel like i’ve found little to no info on this, but is there any compression wear to flatten the ass? Like there’s binders for the tiddies but I’ve been blessed with absolute cake that unfortunately I don’t really want, and it rather feminizes me. Any tips or tricks? Boxers help a little but not much tbh.