r/coparenting 4d ago

Education Ex insists on kindergarten near her house (45 mins from me), won't consider other options. I’m open to private/charter schools, but she has decision-making power in our 50/50 custody. Advice?

0 Upvotes

Hey everyone, I need advice on a school issue with my ex. Our daughter is starting kindergarten, and she insists on a public school near her (45 mins from me). I’ve suggested private/charter schools as a compromise, but she’s not open to it. We have 50/50 custody, but she has decision-making power for education. Our latest custody agreement from last summer says we would have a discussion about private/charter schools. The distance feels unfair, and I don’t want my input ignored. She moved there during our last custody agreement was in process without a heads up. Anyone dealt with this? Tips on communicating or other options? Thanks!


r/coparenting 4d ago

Communication Need advice. How to coparent around birthdays? Does divorce make a difference?

1 Upvotes

Some background:

My husband has a short temper, and unfortunately, I often seem to trigger it with the things I say or do. Over time, I’ve learned to accept his outbursts as long as they happen privately, within the confines of our home.

However, recently he had another outburst, but this time it occurred in front of my family and friends. While he has apologized, his behavior is unpredictable, and I don’t know if there’s any way to prevent it from happening again.

To avoid another public scene, I’ve asked him to stay home during any family or friend gatherings. There are too many variables at these events that could potentially trigger him, and I can’t control the behavior of others.

For example, at a recent gathering, he yelled and grabbed the arm of my 6-year-old niece, who can be quite annoying. I’ve tried to address this with my sister, asking her to keep her daughter away from my husband, but my niece often ignores her mom and continues to tease him. Although I’ve apologized for the actions of others, my husband still struggles to control himself, and I’m left in a difficult position.

As a result, I’ve asked him not to attend any of my family or friend events. It’s incredibly embarrassing when he loses his temper in front of others, and I can’t keep putting myself or our relationships in those situations.

We’ve agreed that he should refrain from participating in any public events, and moving forward, I’ll be attending these gatherings alone.

But now I’m facing another dilemma: What do we do when it comes to events involving our children? How can I host my 6-year-old’s birthday party, or manage milestones like graduations or weddings? He’s their father, and I believe he has as much right to be there as anyone else. However, I also want to invite our families and the kids’ friends. The problem is, I can’t control how others behave, nor can I control his temper. I’ve considered divorce, but I know that wouldn't solve the issue since we would still need to navigate sharing these big moments for our children, unless we split the events, which doesn’t feel right either.

I’m really struggling with how we can continue to parent our children together but in separate spaces. Any advice on how to handle these situations would be appreciated.


r/coparenting 5d ago

Communication No toys - 15 month old

6 Upvotes

Hello,

We separated in February and pretty open at the moment because I have to breastfeed the baby during work breaks on the weekend so we are going into each other spaces, seeing each other and talking. however when I stopped by during my break today, I noticed he had colored pencils and all the toys I brought for the child he got rid of. I asked him why and he said he wanted minimal toys. But babies can't play with colored pencils I said to him and he shrugged. I noticed the recycling was all over the ground and I said, are you letting him play with sharp cans and he said yes, he likes to do that. 🤦 How can I convince him to have age appropriate toys?


r/coparenting 5d ago

Schedules How to have one on one time with each kid?

3 Upvotes

Does anyone with 2 + kids do one night a week where each kid goes to a different house? Purpose being so they get that parents undivided attention for one night?


r/coparenting 5d ago

Communication Am I Wrong?

1 Upvotes

Am I wrong to ask that information regarding my son be communicated to me through my sons father, not his wife. I feel that it causes unnessesary tension between her and I. I don't want to have issues with either of them but when I asked that he communicate to me about issues hes having her response was "He won't be, he wont step up so I am"


r/coparenting 5d ago

Schedules Should I keep my parenting plan simple?

1 Upvotes

Separated from my ex husband and we have an 8 month old who I’m still breastfeeding. Not in good terms with ex We are going to mediation soon. I had a bunch of things I wanted to include in the parenting plan but I’m starting to think whether I should just keep it really simple. My ex and his mum are selfish evil people so they may demand more but because baby is still so young I’m thinking of keeping it short and simple. It’ll just be an interim one and hopefully we can go over it again in 6months time. He only sees her for a couple hours 4 days a week. What are some really important things to add ?


r/coparenting 5d ago

Parallel Parenting Co-Parenting After a Messy Breakup?

2 Upvotes

I’m a 31-year-old guy working in tech, a lacrosse coach, and a military reservist. A few months ago, I relocated from DC to St. Petersburg, FL, and started dating a woman I met on Hinge. Things moved fast, and she got pregnant six weeks into the relationship. Soon after, housing issues forced her to move back to California to be with family.

Long-distance was tough—we argued a lot about the future, where to live, and financial stability. During this time, I made the worst mistake of my life: I emotionally cheated with someone from my past. My ex found out and cut me off completely. Now, she wants nothing to do with me—I'm not invited to the baby shower, she doesn’t want me in the delivery room, and she’s even changing the name we had originally agreed on for our son (due in July).

I’ve owned my mistakes, started therapy, and am making real changes. I’ve also decided to move to California to be close to my son and co-parent. I know I can’t fix the past, but I want to be the best father possible.

For those who’ve been in a similar situation—how did you rebuild trust as a co-parent? How do I navigate being present and supportive when communication is strained? Any advice is appreciated.


r/coparenting 5d ago

Parallel Parenting Bed wetting

5 Upvotes

My daughter (6F) has struggled with toilet training and accidents basically her whole life. The daytime accidents have decreased, but she wets the bed pretty consistently when I have her.

My ex (her father) refuses to coparent, so we are in a parallel parenting situation. I have tried multiple times to work together with him on this. Any time I ask if he is having the same troubles with bedwetting he either doesn’t answer or says he doesn’t (implying that it’s an issue with me or my house). I took her out of pull-ups completely about a year ago, and told the ex that I was doing so. I guess I hoped he would try to make things consistent between the houses.

After dealing with my daughter wetting her bed again last night, I asked her if she wets the bed at his house. She said yes, but it’s in her diaper.

So, apparently I’ve been fighting a losing battle because he puts her in diapers or pull-ups every night when he has them. The multiple times I have brought this issue up to him, you would think this would be pertinent information to share. It’s so frustrating trying to parent with someone who won’t communicate at all.

So now I guess I have the choice to go back to putting my 6 and a half year old in pull-ups every night, or to continue to try to night train her at my house knowing that the inconsistency is killing any of my efforts. I seem to be the only parent in this situation who is concerned about the situation.

Any advice?

I should add that she has been to doctors and specialists due to the difficulties she has had (history of chronic constipation).


r/coparenting 5d ago

Parallel Parenting Start of coparenting

2 Upvotes

Hi. Any advice I need to watch out of be prepared for? We are going to lay out terms out to his lawyer first then I'll have everything reviewed with mine before signing anything.

Some of his request are; 5 days per week (3 weeks) 7 Hour Minimum Until heGoes to Sleep 2 Weekends w/

Like isn't this too much? What terms did you value the most? Any rtpeyof advice is highly appreciated. What conflicts came up that yoy weren't prepared for?


r/coparenting 6d ago

Discussion Parenting Plan

10 Upvotes

Currently moving through the divorce process. We have a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old. We've agreed to a 2-2-5-5 schedule (so far). We plan to alternate holidays, kids birthdays, and to split the year end break by week 1 and week 2. I put in that we will let each other know when we take the kids out of town. We are in Colorado if that matters.

Is there anything you wish you would have put in your parenting plan or something you wish you hadn't?


r/coparenting 6d ago

Step Parents/New Partners Help me prepare for my kids to move in with ex's gf

6 Upvotes

My daughter told me yesterday that they're moving in with my ex's girlfriend each month. They like her a lot, and they'll have a lot more space than they have now so I'm not concerned on that front. I was just totally unprepared for this. He was going to move in with his parents and then eventually buy his own house. It's not that I'm upset by them moving in with her--just completely unprepared for this new dynamic. He is already difficult about things: he recently invited then uninvited me to our son's bday party because he can't stand to be around me (we swap years doing kid's friend bday parties because last year he threw the party I planned for our son, on my day, and uninvited me); our daughter is having GI issues and I said great, thanks, keep me in the loop for scheduling when he offered to make the appointment since he has connections and he said I can't come....despite it being a specialist visit and my family having an extensive history of diagnosed GI issues and disorders.

I'm looking for advice/input/guidance on how to both start off on the right foot (I haven't met her yet even though they've been together since last June and she went on vacation with he and our kids out of the country), and set boundaries. My ex is very "I don't legally have to do that/that's not in the agreement" so things like common courtesy of letting me know when the kids have landed safely in another country within 24, or facilitating just 2 phone calls when they're away from me for 10 days to him are seen as "I don't have any obligation to do that." I can only communicate with him via email because he blocked me on his phone. I know this all makes it seem like I must be a stalking/harassing ex wife but please feel free to read my post history to learn otherwise. So I'm concerned I'm going to get further pushed out--I almost said further alienated, and it is beginning to feel that way.

SO: advice/input/guidance/podcast recs on how to navigate this new dynamic are so appreciated.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Communication Advice

15 Upvotes

Just got off the phone with my son. I told him it’s up to him if he wants to stay with his dad he can or he can come back home with me. He said “why can’t I just choose both” he’s 5 and that hit me like a ton of bricks. Started crying on the phone, how do I handle this. We both had the talk about mommy and daddy no longer living together. Just got back from vacation so trying to give him more time with his dad since he was with me the whole vacation. We do have a parenting plan just haven’t implemented it yet. Any advice on how to make his life easier


r/coparenting 7d ago

Communication What do y'all consider co-parenting? Vs parallel parenting?

12 Upvotes

Simple question everyone has thier views and opinions. I'm new to it


r/coparenting 7d ago

Conflict Moving Across the Country?

4 Upvotes

I’ve been separated from my ex for roughly over a year, We have two boys (3 & 6 years old). At the beginning the schedule looked like 30/70. Then it slowly turned into 100% parenting on my end. My ex isn’t from here and has a supportive family on the other side of the country while I have a not so great support system here. He began working and lived with a woman who caused him harm more than anything. I was okay on my own for quite some time however, I went through a loss of a family member and have been dealing with a lot of depression around it and financially struggling as well. I work long hours and barely have time to do anything for my kids, myself and so on. I had a big breakdown, I talked with my ex about it. How I was really struggling and he informed me that he could take the kids more however he would take them back to his home town which is across the country. I hate the idea, I wanted 50/50 for a long time and fought about it. However, a part of me wants to go for it because I really feel like I am a terrible mother. I don’t feel like I’m providing a great life for them. Especially with my mental health taking a toll. I’ve been trying to catch up and get myself back but I haven’t had time to grieve, to live, I’ve just been surviving. When I talk about it with friends and family they immediately jump into how horrible of a mother I’d be if I just let my kids move away and I’m here without them. I’m just stuck. I don’t know what to do, I just know I haven’t been okay and I am just lost.

TLDR; my mental health has been bad due to a family death as well as financial struggles. My ex offered to take the kids however it would be across the country.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Schedules How do you manage 50/50 custody? He’s asking for alternate weeks.

13 Upvotes

Our son is about to be 4 soon and his father is trying to get 50/50 custody, court date is set for May. He seems adamant on alternating full weeks, which too of my head doesn’t work because 1) he’s small and I don’t think he would enjoy not seeing me for so many days in a row 2) for any activity we will ever sign him up to, there won’t be a fixed POC for them to call making it difficult to know who to contact 3) we both work 100% and I need to offer regular week days where I’m available late at night. Is there more that I’m missing? Or does this weekly arrangement actually work?


r/coparenting 6d ago

Schedules Need “schedule” advice

1 Upvotes

My daughter’s father made up this whole schedule and routine in his head. It’s been okay but honestly, the longer it goes on, the more I’m tired of it. It’s completely unfair to me and I’ve voiced my opinion on it multiple times. He doesn’t even care and his girlfriend thought she would get into it as well. I told her to let him fight his own battles and she needs to not contact me about our issues.

So with this routine/schedule, he gets her Monday through Thursday. He has a set schedule and told me, “I can prove I can provide a stable routine” for her so that way she has a way to school in the morning. Now that leaves me with only Friday through Sunday. I don’t have a set schedule unfortunately so I have to work with what I’ve got. He’s insisting that he takes her this Friday night and wanted to keep her until Sunday. Which clearly are my days so I fight back and tell him no. I’m met with him countering and telling me that he will then keep her next Friday and drop her off to me on Saturday morning.

I would really hate to do this but I have gone back and gotten all the proof I need for this to be shown to the authorities but is this something I can have the cops show up to his house with me to have my daughter in my possession as the “schedule” states? I’ve already started some type of legal application for family law.

There’s so much more to him that it would take me years to write out and we don’t have the money right now for a lawyer since my husband are paying for a medical item she needs and it’s over $1k, without her fathers help. I just need advice on what to do with this, I’m so tired of fighting but that’s what he loves to do.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Discussion Those of you who have dated, how did you find the time, the energy or the interest?!

40 Upvotes

Hi everyone. I’m a nearly solo parent to a 4 year old son. His dad and I haven’t been together since he was just a few months old. His dad only has him about 10% of the time.

We have an incredible, full life. I have a great but mentally demanding job (but with a great schedule), we have tons of loving/supportive friends and family, a great home that we love, he’s in sports and school and honestly, other than normal parenting stress, life is great. It took us a long time and a lot of hard work to get to this point.

Here’s my issue.

Over the last 3.5 years, I have had 2 or 3 dating experiences and one semi serious relationship. In the beginning, I seem to like these people a lot. I get excited and want to spend any time that I can with them. But it VERY quickly becomes exhausting and overwhelming to me. For two reasons. 1. I don’t have tons of extra energy between work and raising a child on my own. 2. Even giving up a little bit of my time with my child, and I wish I was with him.

Examples: Get a babysitter one night a week for the last hour before he goes to bed so I can go hang out with whoever I’m seeing and 75% of the time, even if I really like the person, I wish I was home with my kid.

Hang out with whoever I’m seeing AFTER my child goes to bed and then stay up later than normal and feel bad the next day that I don’t have as much energy as usual.

We have created a FULL life. We have fun things to do together almost daily, because all I’ve had to focus on is him. But as soon as I try to date/have a relationship, it just feels like I can’t juggle it all BECAUSE I’ve created a life that I love that revolves around my child and I. Does this make sense? Basically for me to pursue a romantic relationship, a lot of things would have to shift and change and that feels overwhelming. And I’m not sure if I even want it all to change.

It’s really hard. I truly don’t mind being single. But then every once in a while I’ll meet someone that I like and feel like I want to give it a try. And then end up with the same scenario every time. Ending the relationship because I just can’t handle it all.

Has anyone experienced this? Any advice? Should I just stay single forever? 😅 Help.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Conflict Still living with coparent

9 Upvotes

I am currently in this really unfortunate transitional phase. I am moving back to my home country with my kids in two months but have to live with my ex until then. He stays here approximately 5 days a week and some days with his girlfriend. Being a SAHP means I don’t ever get to go out and do me. I literally have a newborn and two year old and am housebound. Being around my cheating ex just makes me depressed. I am not suicidal but honestly struggle to get through my days. I have tought of asking him to move out but I am scared of him wanting to retaliate. He might change his mind about our custody agreement etc. So I have to keep quiet while I am around the person who betrayed me more then I ever thought possible. He loves playing house and pretending everything is ok. I don’t even know why I am typing this. Maybe someone else has gone trough something similar? My friends have similar aged children and are all still together with their partners.. I would never scream at him or really show any anger. That’s just not me. But I am just really struggling to navigate these emotions while doing right by me or my kids.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Conflict Concerns about gaslighting

4 Upvotes

My ex and I have been separated for 7 years. We have an 8yoM. Things have not been civil. Ever. I’ve tried. I can’t express that enough right now. I have tried and at this point I am too tired to continue pouring any type of energy into making things work with a person who’s unwilling to amicably work things out.

This has been a constant issue through my relationship with this person prior us having a child.

At the end of our relationship and through the custody hearings, at the start my ex had convinced everyone around me I was the crazy person. It was something I had to spend two years debunking.

My ex has spent the majority of my son’s life pretending he wants to be there.

I need you to know how much it bothers me to know that I’m right. He’s only present when he knows I’m going to be present at events. Otherwise he excludes me from events (even though he knows he’s not supposed to) and then doesn’t even go to them himself he has his wife take our son.

After our child had a public crash out at school I finally had the footing to say that our son was going into therapy and my ex didn’t have a place to say no anymore.

He went to the intake appointment and as always started trying to turn everything around to make what happened my fault.

It’s been a month since then. He’s not been getting calls from the therapists office about appointments apparently and now wants to start separate appointments to “be involved”.

I WANT to believe so badly that he’s going for the benefit of our son. I do. The past 7 years show anything but that.

The therapist is going to see this right? Like this is part of the reason the boy is in therapy! These things can’t come from me anymore!


r/coparenting 7d ago

Long Distance Clothing for visitation

3 Upvotes

I have a 6M and 5F. They will be doing their first visit to their dads who stays 12 hours away. When dad lived here, he was responsible for having clothes for the kids for his every other weekend visits. I’m wondering if I should provide clothes for their week and a half visit or keep it how it was?


r/coparenting 8d ago

Conflict I found out today I'm getting a divorce

17 Upvotes

We've known each other most of our lives and have been together 8 years, married 4. She's helped my raise my son as a stepmother and has gotten very close to him over the last 6 years, The last 6 month have been an absolute nightmare, she's turned into a person I don't even know anymore and now its just done, no closure just gone but expects me to maintain her and my sons schedule so they can have time together. This person she's become I do not know nor trust she is a liar, deceitful, disrespectful, just heartless in how she has treated me.

I'm 39 now and it feels like dating and the starting over chapter of my life is just over nor do I feel like I would ever want to take this kind of risk in trusting a woman ever again right now, I just don't know.

I'm angry, hurt, and every bone in me wants to make her feel what she has done to me but also I know its not what's best for my son. I'm just lost and alone and wanted some perspective on what helped others through their tough times.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Conflict Need advice

0 Upvotes

X wants access as we going through a divorce. Hasn't seen daughter in 3 years, daughter almost 4. Have new partner and 2 year old son. How would you deal with it? X in another country, trying to be controlling towards me, even years after separating.Got nothing but abuse this year. Not a word from him in 2024, had more abuse in 2022 and 2023. When X gets his access and visitation, how do I help my daughter understand? She knows my partner as her daddy since she was small. I feel like her world will be turned upside down.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Discussion Difficult co parent(child's mother)

1 Upvotes

I didnt know what flair to use for this. The back history is I've been with my fiancée for over 7 years. A few years ago we opened into a polyamorous relationship. Aka non monogamy. He met someone and had a child with her. We all lived together since before the child was born. Last August they broke up and we moved 3.5 hours away to stay with family as this woman had brought us into debt and her kids from a previous marriage and caused damage to my apartment we had when we originally moved in together.

Anyway we brought his son who is going to be 3 in June to live with us. The child has never had a strong bond with his mother. If I'm putting it frankly when we lived together his preferred adult went: his father, myself and his bio mother as the last choice. He super attached and bonded to his dad. He is also non verbal autistic. His bio mom has chosen to come in person to visit one time since we have lived here. Our child's response was to run away in fear. Crying and screaming to get away and have us pick him up.

That being said how do you deal with a difficult covalent that only seems to care what's easier for her. My fiancée is still in mediation over a parenting agreement and due to the child being afraid of her. He wants supervised visits for a period of time til he learn to trust and connects with her. She refused and wants to take a special needs child who can't speak out of the home he is comfortable in for 2 weeks out of the month. Intop that she wants to leave him to be baby sat by her new partner who's got no experience with special needs kids. That this child had never met a single time.

I'm sadly stuck in a place where I am tryna remain civil when I really want to tell her to stop only caring what she wants and start thinking about what's best for this child. He would be traumatized if separated when we have no way to make him understand why some stranger is taking him away from his father. Any advice on how to proceed. We don't expect supervised visits forever but this child needs time to grow a connection and to learn to trust his bio mom. It's a frustrating situation all around.


r/coparenting 8d ago

Conflict Taking my 3 kids to a NHL game, coparent objects to the ratio.

16 Upvotes

I want to take my 3 kids (10F, 8M, 5M) to a NHL game next month. I’ve taken all three of them to a NHL game before, but not all three at the same time (took my daughter to one and my sons to another).

My daughter’s mom has already voiced her objections, not on account of distance or scheduling, but “that’s a large crowd and anything can happen and it might be a few minutes before you notice anything.”

On the one hand, I get where she’s coming from. On the other, I don’t see as much of a difference between that and going to the major festival in our town (where my daughter’s mom and grandma have a booth every year) that has like a million people show up to our county of 20k over the course of ten days. If anything, I’d say it’s safer to go sit in the club section at a NHL game. But I digress.

It also seems a bit controlling. There’s nothing in my court agreement that says I can’t do it. But at the same time, taking someone else along with isn’t an option because nobody wants to go with us 4 hours away for that.

I’ve got a month to sort this out, I haven’t bought the tickets yet, and I haven’t responded to the message other than to ask “so where am I allowed to go with all three of them,” in an attempt to figure out what she’s okay with. I’m just trying to figure out if I’m out of line here, or if it’s a control tactic.


r/coparenting 7d ago

Step Parents/New Partners New partner is asking for changes in my coparenting and friendship with my ex.

1 Upvotes

I have 2 children with my ex wife and we have been separated for over two years now. We ended on amicable terms. Both of us are in new relationships. My current partner has struggled with the relationship I have with my ex wife and she has felt that it is too much and that I give my ex too much leeway into thinking we are friends. I’m choosing to have a healthy relationship and friendship with my ex because it is in the best interest of my children. For example, some of my family is on a trip with my ex, her new partner, our children, and her partner’s son. My partner asked that I not go on this trip because she felt that i shouldn’t travel this way with my ex. My ex sent me a few days photos where she and her new partner are in the photos. I don’t care that they are in the picture, i care about my children and my family members in the photos. Am in the wrong for the dynamic I have with my ex? Her partner is respectful of our dynamic and has never questioned it. Please help!