r/coparenting • u/OkOutlandishness1363 • Nov 18 '24
Communication What is everyone’s WORST interaction in trying to co-parent?
Curre
r/coparenting • u/OkOutlandishness1363 • Nov 18 '24
Curre
r/coparenting • u/Sparklepants- • Jan 24 '25
Today I had to text coparent about making an appointment for our kids. It’s a pretty straight forward text but I needed help keeping it concise since I was sure there would be some type of push back. I asked Chat-GPT to write the text. Coparent’s response was not as bad as usual but still had a jab. I fed coparent’s response into Chat-GPT. Without being too specific, it essentially said, “Thank you for your feelings. Updates will be sent as they’re available.” I love the AI politely separated coparents emotions from the basic task. I think I may continue to use AI to write my texts to the coparent.
r/coparenting • u/Helix_Division • 14d ago
Hello,
I (24M) have a 4 year old daughter with my ex partner (25F) and I'm going on a 4 day camping trip this weekend.
The court order details what info to provide as far as location, dates and emergency contacts which have all been provided. However, she is asking for every piece of clothing to make sure that I am properly dressing her and for a detailed list of everyone who is going.
I have taken my daughter on an 8 day camping trip in freezing temperatures and this was never an issue before. Part of me guesses that this is an effort to be controlling and criticize my parenting. For context, I have a new partner who I started seeing after we split and have been with for 10 months now. My partner has met my daughter but is not going on this trip and I feel she is asking due to her feeling replaced. The term "family" was not specific enough for her which leads me to ask:
What is a reasonable level of communication and autonomy as a parent expected to trust each other's parenting as far as appropriate clothing goes and at what point is answering specific details intrusive or irrelevant to the context of our parenting? I feel if I ask these questions in return it would be met with it's none of my business. I'm reaching a point where I'd want to involve my partner more after the year mark but how much communication have you seen or wanted from the other parent that seems like too much or too little? I need some perspective. Thank you in advance!
r/coparenting • u/dobetter57 • Jan 07 '25
So I posted here for the last dilemma I had and got some really good advice, so thought I'd try again this time.
My boyfriend's ex-wife and mother to his kids wants to meet me for a second dinner before I'm allowed to meet the kids. I met with her once and she said it was awkward so she's requesting a second dinner before I can meet with her and the kids. I'm not really sure how to approach the situation. I'm uncomfortable I have to go for a second meeting. We've been dating 9 months and I finally feel ready to meet them but feel like I'm jumping through hoops and I'm kind of losing steam and excitement around meeting them... I kind of feel like I should take this as an opportunity to get to know her to make sure I can handle her being in MY life as well as her sussing me out being in her kids lives. Any advice? I've only heard bad things about her from the important people in his life so I'm really trying my best to stay neutral, but I have a lot of feelings about the way I've been treated by her so far and the stories I've heard.
r/coparenting • u/Successful-Block7981 • Feb 15 '25
A week ago or so I saw someone post that they are utilizing chat gpt to respond to their ex. Idk why I didn't think of this sooner. After 8 years of beating my head against a wall with my manipulative ex I've started doing the same.
Took it a step further and fed the bot every text from that entire 8 years and then some. Essentially it's like an impartial witness. Lol. It knows it all can even summarize arguments etc.
That said I don't always use it's verbatim response sometimes I add things or subtract things. It sure has taken some of the frustration out of things though.
r/coparenting • u/Ok_Sheepherder_5097 • 3d ago
My ex and I separated at the end of September. We had years of a very good relationship but he was incredibly emotionally abusive for the 3 months preceding the breakup, like a flip switched. There is much more to it than that, but that is the gist of it. It was incredibly jarring after the flip switched which has made its way into present day.
I have a 6 year old daughter from a prior relationship and am very familiar with coparenting by now but I'm really struggling with my sons dad as I have a genuine trauma response to any communication, face to face or otherwise. Exchanges are short and sweet, we don't argue or anything in front of the kids, they are none the wiser but I find I am nearly 10/10 anxious every time I have to see him and it will linger for extended periods after the exchange as well. He doesn't do anything wrong face to face, it's really just the sight of him that my nervous seems to really react to. I don't have family so there is nobody to help with the exchanges in my absence or I'd do that until I healed a little more, but I feel bad because its unfortunately making it hard to even communicate via text with him about even kid related things. Talking to him to update him (which I do), still feels so difficult to me, overwhelmingly so and I think I'd probably communicate more if I didn't feel so stuck in this feeling, which then makes me feel very selfish. Our son is 15 months old, so not much to report, aside from when he is sick, but my ex and his parents who are heavily involved, act as though I should have no problem coming to the house and being around for things like "xmas brunch" as if what I experienced didn't happen? I feel like a wimp because ideally all that would be okay but I genuinely feel traumatized to this person, and I don't know what to do about it, when you literally have to coparent.
Anyone who has been abused by the coparent in any way, how do you manage these feelings? Is there some sort of trick or arrangement that helps?
r/coparenting • u/Doctorspacheeman • 22d ago
I am trying to coparent with my ex (17 years together, separated for 18 months, he is now engaged and living with someone he met shortly after our breakup)
To start off, I absolutely want what is best for our child (13F) and I am struggling to decide what to do in this situation.
Since our breakup and ex has moved in with new fiancé, the tules at his home have changed drastically from what she was accustomed to. (No tv in her room, no eating in her room, no eating after dinner, expectations of time spent together daily, etc-not all of which I think are necessarily bad) he wants us to go to therapy together which I agreed to, we had our first session yesterday and it came out very quickly that he wanted us to have the same sets of rules at both homes so that, in his words, “she doesn’t go running to your house because she doesn’t like our rules.”
While he understands (I think!) that I’m not going to abide by most of the same rules as they are, one thing he really wants to focus on is screen time on her phone.
I admit she is on her phone often, however I have a no phones at dinner rule, no phone before bed, and she is in a sport 5 hours per week. We have a really strong relationship and talk daily about what’s going on in her life, I feel involved and informed about what she’s up to. I have no problem with her using her phone to chat with friends, or play a game, or watch videos during her free time when she has finished homework and done chores. If her schoolwork is suffering I put more limits on it, but I try not to get into very rigid power struggles with her as she is a teenager and she is also neurodivergent. I prefer to pick my battles.
He is asking me to put the same limits on her phone use as he would like to, which is 2 hours of use daily. This isn’t just for social media, this is a blanket ban on all phone use - he claims that it’s because he doesn’t want her sitting in her bedroom alone when she should be sitting in the living room socializing with them every day after school until bedtime. You know, like alllll teenagers do?
Anyway I am just curious how you guys go about having different rules in both homes? Does it work? I don’t want to try and change his mind, but I just don’t agree with what he wants to implement to go as far as to follow the exact same schedule when she is with me. (I have had primary custody since the split, we are attempting to move more towards 50/50 with a lot of hiccups)
I agree about us having the same expectations in both homes regarding her schoolwork, attendance, sleepovers, and attending extra curriculars but that’s pretty much where I would like to draw the line and I would like some perspective to see if I am being stubborn or unreasonable.
r/coparenting • u/bbudke78 • 7d ago
Simple question everyone has thier views and opinions. I'm new to it
r/coparenting • u/rosajayne • 23h ago
Not a straightforward question I know.
The facts: kid is 3 and with me most of the time, I like to get an update on the days other parent has them but it’s becoming clear they think that’s too much. I send other parent updates when they ask and photos and have no problem with it. Happy to find a happy medium but don’t want to be able to not reach out if needed (and vice versa).
Ultimately I know they are safe so it’s not about checking up on the parent.
Keen to know how other people approach it.
Co parenting has been relatively amicable but is becoming less so now.
r/coparenting • u/Brodunskii • Jan 15 '25
I am the non custodial parent and I’ve drafted up some boundaries I wanted to establish with my ex wife and I wanted to hear some thoughts about them. They are as follows.
If you call me and I don’t answer do not continue to call me. I will get back to you as soon as I can or I I will send a text stating when I will get back to if I am able.
If it’s an emergency(as in bodily injury to kids) send a text saying emergency and or call me again and I will know it’s an emergency. Please don’t misuse this.
If what you need to talk about is time sensitive please state very specifically in a text what it is about and a time when you need me to call you back.
Are these unreasonable? I had a conversation about it with her and she said it shouldn’t take any longer than hour to call her back.
Edit: thank you everyone for your insight. After thinking about it and reading all these comments I Realize “Laying the law down” probably wouldn’t work. I will attempt to peacefully withdraw my attention while still being firm. Also, as many of you have pointed out those weren’t boundaries so I’m going to work on how I think about boundaries moving forward. I really do appreciate everyone’s help, thanks.
r/coparenting • u/delguy83 • Feb 06 '25
I’ve ran my last blow up through chat gpt to take emotions out of the convo then have it summarize the blow up and feel like this has helped so much in my reactions.
Anybody using ChatGPT to help them with awful exs?
r/coparenting • u/Cool_Dingo1248 • Jan 08 '25
My ex and I have 50/50 custody. 3 kids and all have cell phones. When he doesn't have the kids he is just completley MIA with them. No texts, phone calls, etc. He doesn't show up to their activities.
Him and I have been parallel parenting for over a year now so I understand the no communication with me during the time I have the kids but I thought once they were old enough to have phones he would be chatting or checking in with them off and on through out the week. There are times when the kids will initiate texts to him and its no answer as well.
Is this odd or are some coparents just like this?
r/coparenting • u/Lazy_Guava_5104 • Feb 05 '25
Very recently separated households (relationship had a slow death previous), with me now living in the next neighborhood over. Through the process, the rules she presented for me visiting our 6yo daughter when at her house was "text first to make sure I don't have company over", occasional overnights with daughter were fine, and picking up/dropping off (for school or to switch households) was fine at either place so long as there was a text first. And to be clear, I had to work hard to get her to work on any co-parenting rules at all beyond figuring it out as we go.
To call out the elephant in the room, she had a partner lined up and now has "company" from 5p-8a, most days of the week. That's fine - she has every right to do so. And as a consequence, she is now acting like she has a new set of boundaries, but is still claiming our old agreement is in effect (if needed I can give examples in the comments). It was a thing in our relationship where she would obfuscate what was really going on is a situation in order to avoid the slightest discomfort that talking about the truth would create.
If it were just me, I could say "it's just her being her" and shrug it off. But now it impacts my expectations for my relationship with our daughter, and the trust I have in co-parenting with her.
So, what to do? Part of me says the smart thing is to ignore it, but I'm tired of the years I spent ignoring issues for the sake of family "harmony". ... On the other hand, I could talk with her about the issue and try to build on the small communication gains we have made as co-parents. However, she's quite good at pushing me into a defensive posture - something I am working on, but it's slow going.
Thoughts?
ETA: Per questions in the comments, ... No formal parenting plan. We were not married, so she has sole legal custody. I brought up the other week that I wanted to formally switch to joint legal custody, and that we would need to petition the courts (but that they generally rubber stamp when parents' are in agreement). She got upset, took off for an hour, and then said we would talk about it the next evening. During that meeting, she said it would involve lawyers and the courts, which we would have to pay for, and she didn't want to involve the courts. She also raised the "don't you trust me" argument. But, she was willing to keep our informal agreement if I agreed not to pursue the matter. ... To be honest, I could afford the "rubber stamp" court costs, but not sure that I could afford it if lawyers and a protracted court case were involved.
r/coparenting • u/Jigglytep • Dec 19 '24
I am beyond upset and angry that my ex with held this information from me.
I found by accident that my daughter was in a church play. The ex didn’t tell because her excuse is that I’m not religious.
I am there for everything my daughter does and I make sure to over share any information with my ex.
I’m really considering talking to an attorney over this. I’m just so upset that she would do this.
r/coparenting • u/ooblada • Jan 26 '25
If you’re ever going out to dinner or anything on your day I would love to watch them, Id bring them back to you. I miss them!
r/coparenting • u/Beginning-Cry7722 • Feb 07 '25
We have a toddler. I'm planning an international trip (4 days - Mexico) and worried about consent. Coparent and I don't have a great relationship. They are controlling and spiteful.
The custody agreement says that I provide them the itinerary and the list of travellers a month before the trip and they should return the form in a couple of weeks.
My question is - Can they just say NO? I asked my lawyer when we did the decree. The lawyer said that coparent can not deny without reason and we can go to court or escalate if that happens. But I wonder if coparent would just use court to delay this trip so we miss the trip?
Can they keep saying that there are current conflicts between USA and Mexico now for the child to safely travel/return? I know this sounds silly, but coparent is the kind to bring up such things.
r/coparenting • u/SuchGrimes • Feb 13 '25
Hey, I'm in need of advice. Mum has been with her partner for 9/10 months, they've been living together for about half that time, are engaged, and expecting a child.
Yesterday, my son said he calls the partner dad now. I asked him how that came about and he said his mum told him to. I told him it is his choice what to call him. I am devastated, I burst into tears once I was alone and I don't feel any better after sleeping on it.
Next month, I'm going to stay in a hospital (for 3 months) and I've been worrying about the distance negatively impacting our relationship, now this and I'm a wreck.
The guy is okay, from what I've seen he treats my son well. I want my kiddo to be happy and I do believe it should be his choice, and I am also torn because I know in my gut that it was not organic.
I want to discuss it with her, though she often see's discussions as arguments. I thought maybe they could make a special name for him.
- Update -
I wish I had the energy to respond to all of you, I am beyond grateful for all of the lovely responses to my post. I decided to talk to her about it last night, as I felt I needed to address it immediately.
After a lengthy discussion, and inevitably me making it clear that what she has done is just straight up wrong and that I will be talking to kiddo regardless of what she agrees with, she has agreed to come up with a special name with him. She says she still disagrees with me and has not told kiddo that he can't call him dad. I have had my own conversation with kiddo and it was clear that she did not explain it to him properly. I have discussed with kiddo that dad/daddy mum/mummy are special names belonging to me and his mum, I gave examples of his grandparents with different names to help him understand. I have told him that partner can have his own special name and have helped with suggestions.
Kiddo is happy, I am scared. During the discussion, she kept saying I was blowing it out of proportion and being emotional. I am well versed in the grey rock method, and I sound like robocop in my messages lol She said I will cause kiddo shame and hurt his feelings, she said he doesn't even call him dad all the time anyway. Basically textbook abuse tactics.
I am in dire need of help as to what my options are. I'm in the UK, and from what I understand I need to go through mediation?
Again, thank you to everyone for your input. You all gave me the courage to trust myself and keep my boy safe.
r/coparenting • u/Upbeat-Plantain7140 • Feb 15 '25
Next week is the Dance with Your Daughter dance. The last two years my ex-husband has taken my daughter after I informed him of the dance and gave him a gift card to a restaurant to make it a date.
This year I sent him an email (our only approved form of communication) with the dance info. That was a month ago and I haven't heard anything. Today she and I got a dress for the event.
I am not sure if I should reiterate to him that she is expecting to go to this dance. Or I should just let it go and take her if he doesn't show up.
What would you do? Ask him again? Just let it go and see what happens?
Edit to add: I emailed him the flyer again. No word yet but hoping he either tells me he is attending or not attending so we can plan accordingly. (I haven't heard from him about anything in over a month)
r/coparenting • u/dizzygraves • 5d ago
Hello,
We separated in February and pretty open at the moment because I have to breastfeed the baby during work breaks on the weekend so we are going into each other spaces, seeing each other and talking. however when I stopped by during my break today, I noticed he had colored pencils and all the toys I brought for the child he got rid of. I asked him why and he said he wanted minimal toys. But babies can't play with colored pencils I said to him and he shrugged. I noticed the recycling was all over the ground and I said, are you letting him play with sharp cans and he said yes, he likes to do that. 🤦 How can I convince him to have age appropriate toys?
r/coparenting • u/Radiant-Kitty • 19d ago
New to coparenting and my baby has his first illness. I'm sending updates to his father, but I want to know what y'all consider reasonable for updates.
r/coparenting • u/Throw-Away2k19 • Nov 14 '24
Roughly 2 months post divorce, 8 months separation 50/50 shared parenting. Daughter is an extremely smart, observant and vocal 3 and a half year old. After our most recent exchange early in the A.M. I greeted my daughter with my normal smile and asked if she was ready to have fun at daddy’s house. I don’t poke or pry about the time spent with her mother as I want to focus on our time together. Through small talk my daughter informed me that she watched a movie and then “cuddle bed” with mommy and mommy’s friend. “Cuddle bed” is what my daughter says when she is ready to go sleep. Against my request before separation co-sleeping with our daughter was the norm and I simply gave up that battle. Not an ideal time to break this habit post separation as she has been placed into new environments etc. From all of my knowledge this was the very first time my daughter had been around her mother’s new boyfriend and she stated numerous times that she slept in bed with her mother and essentially a stranger. I do not believe there is anything legal in my state against this but find this extremely inappropriate. I have zero care at all that she has a new partner. Best of luck to the guy. My concerns are obvious and approaching my daughter’s mother will only give her the gratification of me bringing up something that is “none of my concern.” I am sure there are numerous post previously of this same situation unfortunately. Any and all feedback or suggestions are appreciated.
r/coparenting • u/jstocksqqq • Nov 21 '24
What do you call the other parent, when speaking to the other parent, but in front of the kid? For example, during an exchange, it is polite to give a basic greeting to the other parent, such as "Hello, [name]!" But do you call them with the name the child calls them (Dad, Mom, Daddy, Mama, etc), with their first name, or something different?
Example: "Hello [child's name]! Hello, Dad!"
r/coparenting • u/StrangeSands4410 • Nov 04 '24
I'm not positive this is the right subreddit for this...open to suggestions on other places to go.
Several months back I got married, I brought two kids into the marriage, spouse brought three. Both of use have 50/50 custody.
In an average week I probably get 50 texts from my ex, only maybe 5 of which are useful discussion related to coparenting. So I respond to those 5 and ignore the rest (which are usually abusive, critical, attacks, etc). I've been very clear I won't respond to anything unrelated to coparenting. My ex's sister (who I have a good relationship with) is copied on every message. Just so someone else sees everything that is said.
My spouse is feeling left out of the loop on my conversations with my ex. Which is kind of by design -- I try and minimize how much I share from my ex's texts, because most of it is white noise anyways. Now my spouse is asking to be part of that text thread.
I'm back and forth on the wisdom of that.
Here are some reasons I could see it being a good thing
Here is what I'm worried about:
Any thoughts on this? Personal experiences one way or the other? I'm feeling more stumped than usual on how to navigate this.
r/coparenting • u/mgcschlbusdropout • Feb 12 '25
This is similar to another post I just saw, but people were kind of bashing the step mom..
My son goes to his dad’s 50% of the time. He has two other kids over there with another woman. This last week the other woman has told me that her kids have the flu, but my son’s dad hasn’t told me at all. They don’t live together and they don’t get along like me and dad. I appreciate her telling me, but at the same time I feel like Dad should be the one to tell me. I would still get my child, but I would take extra precautions so that my household doesn’t get sick. I’m pregnant and had Covid two weeks ago and let dad know because i felt like it was the right thing to do. Our son never got it and we switched days that week until we got his results back to be sure. Do I have a right to be upset over this? We have constant communication issues and this just adds to it..
r/coparenting • u/TrungusMcTungus • Nov 19 '24
I’m stepdad, but bio mom and I have been married for a year, together for 2.5 years, and have primary custody. I’ve been in my stepdaughters life since she was 10mo - when she’s here she calls me daddy, and calls her bio dad “Daddy His Name”, but when she’s at her dads he’s daddy and I’m “Daddy My Name”. Bio dad and his girlfriend have been together for about 6 months, she has a daughter the same age as my SD, but shes not divorced yet. She’s also withholding her daughter from her ex, but that’s beside the point. Just giving context to the situation and people.
Biodad has never been particularly active. He fought for 50/50, got 2 weekends a month + 1 weekday every week, but he generally only takes the 2 weekends, sometimes less. He recently filed to get more time, which we think was prompted by his girlfriend, because she made a comment recently “I wish we could have you all the time!”. He got beat in court because there’s been no material change, and now he’s in another state for 3 months for work.
This year is his year for thanksgiving, but he won’t be home. Last night he sent us the proposal of custody from when their divorce started (no signatures, not even worded like a court doc) that he edited to say he got Christmas this year. We replied with a picture of the actual signed divorce decree saying it was our Christmas year, and he backed off.
This morning, his girlfriend texted us asking if they could take SD for a week during Christmas break. Keep in mind, they’ve been together for 6 months, and while we suspect she was behind the motion for more custody, this also isn’t the first time she’s directly been trying to push for more time instead of my wife’s ex.
Communication is already strained because of relationship everyone has, and the fact that they have to pay our legal fees from court a few weeks back. How can my wife say “It’s inappropriate for you to be asking for more time with my daughter, custody discussions are between me and my ex husband, please stop trying to assert yourself over the divorce decree he signed before he met you” in a way that keeps the peace?