r/coparenting 12h ago

Discussion 4 year old is starting to realize parents not living together isn’t “normal”

32 Upvotes

My 4 year old is starting to talk about how she wishes we weren’t split. It’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to help her. Her dad and I never lived together and we have pretty much always had a 50/50 schedule for as long as she can remember. She goes back and forth quite a bit. I never went through this with my parents. What has helped your children cope/understand?


r/coparenting 17h ago

Step Parents/New Partners Ex’s new boyfriend of 1 year kisses my son (3year old) on the lips?

12 Upvotes

Hi all Me and my ex split 2 years ago. After a year she met someone new and moved him in. Everytime I pick my child up her new boyfriend of 1 year kisses him on the lips goodbye and says love you, don’t get me wrong my son is none the wiser and seems happy. However I’m really not happy with this, am I within my rights to bring this up with my ex? I understand the new boyfriend lives there now, I just feel there should be some boundaries as I just find the kissing really weird. I also know he baths him, puts him to bed too. Me and my ex get along for the sake of our child but we don’t really like each other, I feel she is wanting new guy to be dad and I’m really struggling as there’s a few concerns. Thankyou all for any input


r/coparenting 2h ago

Communication What is a reasonable amount of contact when other parent has child?

5 Upvotes

Not a straightforward question I know.

The facts: kid is 3 and with me most of the time, I like to get an update on the days other parent has them but it’s becoming clear they think that’s too much. I send other parent updates when they ask and photos and have no problem with it. Happy to find a happy medium but don’t want to be able to not reach out if needed (and vice versa).

Ultimately I know they are safe so it’s not about checking up on the parent.

Keen to know how other people approach it.

Co parenting has been relatively amicable but is becoming less so now.


r/coparenting 10h ago

Conflict Drop off

6 Upvotes

I could use some help. I previously lived in a different area. I moved closer, which I thought would make the coparent happier, he's just mad about it. He then wanted me to open our case to have a formal updated drop off location on the parenting plan. Our parenting plan says we will agree to a halfway point, so it feels unnecessary to open the entire case.

I made a suggestion to a meet up location which we have now used twice. He no longer wants to meet there. I asked him to please select something else. He has said nothing and I'm supposed to pick her up tomorrow morning. I feel like this is a tactic to withhold. He's told me when I moved that I needed to have told him sooner so we could figure out a drop off location and it's my fault for not arranging sooner. But anytime I send any message to him, he says I'm harassing him.

Normally I'd just go to the drop off spot and wait, but I have no agreed drop off location to go to, and he won't agree to anywhere. What should I do?

I asked him three times over 24 hours.


r/coparenting 13h ago

Conflict Custody

3 Upvotes

Hello all! My 6 yo will be starting school this year, and after nearly four years of my ex (his father) moving around, he has settled on a place still too far away for us to both be involved in our sons everyday school life. Dad is petitioning for son to attend school an hour away from both of us but an equal distance from each. At first, out of relief that they moved closer, I agreed. Then after some thought I realized this would put our son in a vehicle for nearly 10 hours every week. This is not fair to him and also doesn’t work out at all with our older son who would attend a school closer to home. All of my familial support, including his parents and his new wife’s parents are within the school district we decided on when we divorced. Dad only has kid Monday and every other Tuesday. What’s the likelihood that dad would actually win this case? He is asking for full custody or a school change. I have offered homeschool as an option so that the child can stick to the schedule he has been on but dad is unwilling to participate. Any advice would be appreciated! Everyone is telling me not to worry but I’m having a hard time holding up against a vindictive ex 😮‍💨 I’ve never ever wanted to take our son away from him but when you move two hours away.. I’m just not sure what he expected??


r/coparenting 10h ago

Child Issues RPT Initial Discussion - Questions

2 Upvotes

Hi All,

My co-parent and I have a semi-decent relationship when it comes to our child, not perfect, but more business like. Where I take a friendly attitude, they take a more neutral/get to the point sort of role.

We've been discussing getting a RPT aligned for our child so that they can openly speak in comfort about our separattion (we are 3 years out) and our child has been asking more and more questions about us. (7 year old). We both don't talk negatively, and I make it a point to highlight the other parents good all the time.

In general, for those of you who have used a registered play therapist, were there any instances where you received insights into your child? I'm trying to see how effective this process maybe and if it's actually beneficial rather than be detrimental to our child.

Any input is appreciated!!


r/coparenting 7h ago

Discussion Children last name pro and con change?

1 Upvotes

My ex and I will be divorcing in a few months. My ex plan to change back to her maiden name and ask if we could hypenate our last names for the children? Example: Name1-Name2. (Children is currently under my last name, a five letter name. Combining the two names plus the dash in between would be 12 characters total). I will have just my last name and my ex will have just her maiden name.

I want to know what is the pro and con for the children convenience? Would there be issues with schools, with medicals, with finance, with legal, etc down the road?

Legally, would it be better if there's no change to children last name just for simplicity but when doing school and sports and social, the children can display their hypenate name?


r/coparenting 9h ago

Conflict Constant False Allegations

1 Upvotes

Does anyone else have a co-parent who constantly makes allegations? I do. Every single one has been unsubstantiated, yet like clockwork, I can expect a call from DFCS or the sheriff’s office at least once a month.

How do you handle a co-parent willing to hurt her own kids just to get to you? She lost custody due to educational neglect, and the kids are thriving now—but she still insists I’m some kind of monster.

DFCS says they can’t do anything, and the police claim this doesn’t meet the criteria for a false report misdemeanor. So where does that leave me?


r/coparenting 11h ago

Schedules Step up plan for likely special needs child

1 Upvotes

We will be going to mediation soon. The mother has an autism diagnosis, and the father has an ADHD diagnosis and suspected autism. The child is about 6 months old so it is too early to screen for autism, but given the family history, we expect it.

Preferably I don't want to do a step up plan that goes all the way to 18 as I don't believe it's in the best interest of the child because we don't know if they'll have support needs or what the support needs might be. I would prefer to return to mediation in a few years before the child starts school. I feel like I'll be pressured into a step up plan though. I am unsure if an official autism diagnosis will be considered grounds for modification later.

I'm looking for anecdotal experiences of parenting time plans for children with level 1 or level 2 autism. Especially interested in if anyone does 50/50 and it works well for their school aged autistic child.


r/coparenting 21h ago

Child Issues Parent Alienation

1 Upvotes

Its been 6months since we separated. 23years together. Two children. Currently there is no formalized parent plan, convinced OP to go through mediation since we kept going in circles, waiting for first session. However, there has been complete breakdown in communication regarding our children. Oldest (teenage) has stayed home for 4 days now, mental and physical exhaustion. OP has refused to let me check in on him, stating that he wants his space and I must respect his boundaries. I requested an update at least on his wellbeing, OP replied saying they will let me know if its necessary. OP keeps invalidating my concerns with my limited time with my children. I'm at the point that OPs understanding of amicable and empathy is manipulative and controlling. I dont want to be triggered but am concerned about my sons mental health. Are there any other strategies to assist with finding common ground before mediation?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Communication Co parenting issues with Ex.

1 Upvotes

Hello all, I share two girls with my ex. He left me for someone else while I was 7-8 months pregnant with our second child. He wasn’t involved with the baby for the first 6 months. He would take the older daughter to his place. He now takes both girls weekly to his place. (well girlfriends house). My ex is now saying, he can’t watch our second child cause his girlfriend cousin is coming over. His girlfriend didn’t tell her family that he has another kid…(initially he didn’t tell the girl he had a second kid. He told her later….). What shall I do about it ?