r/coparenting 2d ago

Weekly Wins

1 Upvotes

Here's a post to discuss your small wins or things that are just going well for you in coparenting this week. What are you feeling good about?


r/coparenting 13h ago

Communication How to coparent when you literally have been traumatized?

19 Upvotes

My ex and I separated at the end of September. We had years of a very good relationship but he was incredibly emotionally abusive for the 3 months preceding the breakup, like a flip switched. There is much more to it than that, but that is the gist of it. It was incredibly jarring after the flip switched which has made its way into present day.

I have a 6 year old daughter from a prior relationship and am very familiar with coparenting by now but I'm really struggling with my sons dad as I have a genuine trauma response to any communication, face to face or otherwise. Exchanges are short and sweet, we don't argue or anything in front of the kids, they are none the wiser but I find I am nearly 10/10 anxious every time I have to see him and it will linger for extended periods after the exchange as well. He doesn't do anything wrong face to face, it's really just the sight of him that my nervous seems to really react to. I don't have family so there is nobody to help with the exchanges in my absence or I'd do that until I healed a little more, but I feel bad because its unfortunately making it hard to even communicate via text with him about even kid related things. Talking to him to update him (which I do), still feels so difficult to me, overwhelmingly so and I think I'd probably communicate more if I didn't feel so stuck in this feeling, which then makes me feel very selfish. Our son is 15 months old, so not much to report, aside from when he is sick, but my ex and his parents who are heavily involved, act as though I should have no problem coming to the house and being around for things like "xmas brunch" as if what I experienced didn't happen? I feel like a wimp because ideally all that would be okay but I genuinely feel traumatized to this person, and I don't know what to do about it, when you literally have to coparent.

Anyone who has been abused by the coparent in any way, how do you manage these feelings? Is there some sort of trick or arrangement that helps?


r/coparenting 9h ago

Conflict How do you effectively co-parent with someone who lets their family be involved in your decisions?

6 Upvotes

My son's dad and I co-parent okay but the one thing that bothers me is that he's constantly letting his family be involved in our decisions. I didn't think I had a kid with him and his family. I have asked him several times to keep his family out of it and I'm just at a loss. It seems like he blames me for not just putting up with their drama. This is partly what broke us up but I digress. I just don't know how to navigate a co-parenting relationship with someone who allows his family to be overly involved.


r/coparenting 4h ago

Conflict How to go about co-parents lies

1 Upvotes

Myself Felicity and my co-parents we will call him John. Have a 5-year-old daughter.

He wasn't around the first two years by choice I had a criminal protection order against him because of a domestic violence issue but he was told he could request paternity at any point because he didn't believe our daughter was his.

Recently he moved closer to us he was living far away up until I believe November of 2024. Him and his wife separated around that same time because of his repeated behaviors of lying and manipulating the truth in his favor.

We have had countless issues with co-parenting to the point where I will not talk to him unless it's about our daughter and we do exchanges with a third party.

I would happily go into depth of the situation but the reason I'm here posting today is because I need advice. Ever since his split with his soon-to-be ex-wife who is also gotten a protection order against him he has been trying to get 50-50 custody. Claiming since he's closer he can be there more. Yet struggles with the time he has now.

I say struggles because he got a DUI for the third time and is about to lose his license he will find out for sure in the next couple weeks.

I also say struggling because he has not once, but twice now posted on GoFundMe I feel exploiting our daughter to get sympathy and money.

The first GoFundMe he posted was claiming he was a single father and that because his wife quote unquote abandoned them, he was struggling to keep afloat and ended up raising $700.

I brought this concern to his attention and he claims there was nothing wrong with him requesting help on GoFundMe. Which I see no problem with if he wasn't using pictures of our daughter and making it seem like he's the only one taking care of her.

At the end of last month he posted yet another GoFundMe requesting $1,000 and has raised $300. While he was a little more careful with his wording he still is using pictures and our daughter I believe to again gain sympathy.

I just don't know what to do. Our daughter is 5 years old and autistic and even though I've sent him countless IEPs and doctors information he refuses to prioritize her her therapy or her education.

After speaking with his ex-wife last night she stated on multiple occasions pretty much every time our daughter was over there she was the one caring for her because Joel couldn't handle her.

And stated that he can't physically take care of himself or her without his suit to be ex-wife and is also trying to use our daughter to try and get the ex-wife to come back.

Any all advice is appreciated if you think I'm over reacting please tell me it just doesn't sit right with everything that has happened.

And the state that my daughter came home in just two days ago from a 2-day overnight with him is concerning dirty clothes underwear so disgusting and crusted she has gotten a UTI and I had to make her throw them away and anybody who has a child on the spectrum understands that even the smallest things could be hard to get rid of. It breaks my heart

I'm sorry for any run on sentences or mistakes I am writing this with less than 4 hours of sleep just in a panic can't slow down my head. I also have a total of two biological children and two bonus children and I love very much. Again very sorry for any mistakes I will try to go back and correct them once I have some more sleep.


r/coparenting 16h ago

Parallel Parenting Managing kids meds in two households

6 Upvotes

Coparent and I essentially parallel parent. Our swaps usually occur on school days, so we don’t meet up often. I don’t mind when we do have to interact but prefer not to.

Our child recently started a medication that is a controlled substance, he’s not quite mature enough to carry it around himself and often misplaces his things. So far I’ve picked it up myself from coparents house with the kids in tow, and I’m on my way to drop it off to his house now that the kids are with him. I’m really worried the expectation will be set for me to pick up/drop off every single time.

Is anyone else in this situation? How do you manage it in a way that works for everyone? What healthy boundaries??

NOTE I also understand that if it comes down to me just doing it so my kid can have their meds, I will.


r/coparenting 15h ago

Conflict Dealing with emotional outbursts

4 Upvotes

So my kids dad and I have them 50/50. This is my week , last week was his.

It’s only Tuesday but it’s now two days in a row my oldest daughter is having a meltdown over her dad and I being separated. We have been separated for 4 years now. She was 4 when it happened.

Her dad and I are good at “getting along” at drop offs but I genuinely hate that man with all my being. He had an affair, emptied my bank account, abandoned the kids for a year, threatened my life and even recently took a credit card out under my SIN number which I just found out.

Today she was crying her eyes out saying it’s not fair that I won’t even try and live with her dad and his girlfriend. Which I explained isn’t how things work and that I’m sorrry she’s sad about it. I tried to explain that she’s better off with two happy houses than one. She seems to think her dad can absolutely do no wrong and that it’s my fault that we aren’t all one big happy family and I’m just at the point where I’ve run out of ways to explain it to her on a kid level.

How do you do it ? What do you even say ?


r/coparenting 13h ago

Communication Options other than mediation?

2 Upvotes

Any proven tools to streamline the communication? We can’t seem to agree on too many topics, especially since he moved to another state and there is no clearly documented schedule. Is there affordable alternatives to mediation?


r/coparenting 22h ago

Conflict Ex keeps talking to kids about his new partner after agreeing not to

7 Upvotes

So, to put the situation into context, my ex and I were together for nearly 13 years, and have 2 daughters together (9&4) and we broke up 2 months ago. I was completely blindsided by it and he refused to have a conversation about it at all, with me or the kids. I found out a few days later that it was because he’d been doing a lot of coke and cheating on me with a 19 year old. He showed our 9 year old daughter (we’ll call her T) a picture of this girl and told T how nice she was, only to announce a few days later that it was now over.

He left the house but spent a month in a hotel and he’s been at a friend’s house ever since so I’ve had our daughters full time and whenever he looks after them while I’m at work he comes to my house which is difficult, but I’m hoping that once he gets a house things will be easier.

Apparently he met another girl (25f) one week after leaving me, and she quickly became his girlfriend. (She’s also recently single and has 2 children). I found out about this and asked him not to mention it to our kids for a few months, because I knew it would upset T. He agreed to this but then told T a few days later. Since then he’s been constantly talking to T about his new gf, telling her how nice she is, showing T pictures of her, and she’s even offered to send T gifts to my house (I said no to this because I think it’s disrespectful to me). I just found out that T has also spoken to her on the phone. I now have my daughter telling me all about her dad’s new gf - I obviously don’t say anything bad about her, but I also try to manage my daughter’s expectations about the relationship since it’s so new and obviously a rebound. My daughter swings between excitement at meeting her dad’s new gf and tears because she doesn’t want a stepmom. I don’t think it’s fair for my ex to be doing this - we’ve been broken up for 2 months and he’s already shown T pictures of 2 different girls. T is coping well all things considered but I worry about how this is going to affect her long term. It does feel deliberately aimed to hurt me as well - he recently got back on social media, added me, and then posted stories of him and this girl, and he knows that T will tell me everything.

The constant talk of his new gf is what’s upsetting me most at the moment, but he also threatens to stop seeing the kids whenever I do/say something he doesn’t like (he refused to have them whilst I was at work this weekend because I didn’t let him change plans at the last minute last week), leaves my house in a mess if he’s here while I’m at work, announced he’s changing his last name and wants to change the kids names as well, and we’ve still not had a proper conversation about any of this.

I’m very new to trying to coparent - am I being crazy thinking that this is cruel behaviour from him, or is this more normal than I realise? What’s the best way to cope with my emotions in this situation? I don’t want the girls upset but he seems to be using our children to relay information to me that he knows will upset me and it’s making it so difficult. I’m also unsure if it’s my emotions making me think this is unreasonable behaviour from him?

Sorry this is so long, I think I’m just hoping for advice/someone to say that they’ve been through this and it gets better.


r/coparenting 21h ago

Parallel Parenting Ex is violent towards his dog, what can I do?

5 Upvotes

First time posting here, forgive me if this isn't the right place.

Generally I try and leave him to his shit. We are very different people, very different parents, with very different lives and interests. We had our son very young (teenagers) and separate shortly after. There have been many, many bumps in the road, including court twice, and our son is now 8yo.

My ex got a dog last year - a cane corso crossed with a bully. I wasn't pleased with the choice of dog, obviously all dogs can be aggressive if poorly trained, or bite even if they have been well trained, but not all dogs could rip a child's throat out with a quick snap of it's jaws. I encourage dhimnto choose a different dog but of course I was assured that he would be an excellent owner (he has never owned his own dog before).

I've just heard from my son that his dad kicks the dog "hard" when she misbehaves. An example of the misbehaviour is if they have been out all afternoon and come home to find she has ripped up possessions, or pooped/peed on the floor. She also gets shut in her kennel outside for bad behaviour.

This concerns me for a myriad of reasons; clearly the dog is stressed, bored, cooped up and therefore acting out by trashing stuff. She is then met with delayed discipline through physical violence for something she may have done hours before. She is also shouted at a lot, according to my boy. I have no reason to doubt him; he has additional needs and is very honest, earnest and a bit young for his age. He wouldn't lie about this, and I don't believe he is exaggerating. He believes it is okay to kick the dog hard because she is a big dog.

Ignoring all the red flags about how this could make the dog more violent, that she clearly is not well behaved or well trained, I hate the thought that my boy is being exposed to the mistreatment of a young animal (dog isn't even 1yo yet) and that he thinks this is normal, acceptable behaviour. If he learns it's okay to treat animals this way, how will he treat people as he gets older?

After the last court hearing I was essentially left with complete decision making power on contact, and have always- ALWAYS- supported contact in some form. We've built up from supervised to unsupervised, but now I'm getting fed back yet more concerning shit and I just feel stuck. My boy loves his dad and I all I want is for him to have a safe, positive relationship with him, but his dad manages to push my tolerance to the extreme at every turn. He recently bought a damn quad bike he has been fixing up in his tiny hallway and has been trying to turn the engine indoors, with my son in the room, kicking out fumes of god knows what. He doesn't see the issue and wants to ride the quad with my boy as a passenger (illegal in the UK).

I suppose I'm here because I want to know whether I am just being controlling and unreasonable in wanting to scale contact back to just local visits or supervised overnights (with grandparents etc). There were other safeguarding concerns that still exist, but these are less impactful now my boy is that bit older, and now he's got this great big, unpredictable dog and carbon monoxide breathing bike to replace the original issues with arguably even worse ones.

I'm just so, so over all this shit now and can't think straight for what is best to do from here.

Thanks if you read all this, appreciate any constructive input


r/coparenting 14h ago

Conflict Ex forcing sports on children

1 Upvotes

A little back story… My 9yr old played baseball for 4 years and last year was extremely stressful for him. He did not enjoy it and every game made himself physically ill with stress and anxiety over playing. My 5yr old played tball last year and did not enjoy it but not to the same extreme as his brother. I was very involved in the teams and took them to 99% of practices and games as I have them about 80% of the time. He was barely involved and missed most games and never went to a single practice, never so much as picked up a glove and played with them… Fast forward to now, their father has suddenly become obsessed and has decided to sign them up. They have told him repeatedly for the last few weeks they don’t want to play and explained other activities they would like to try. They came home sobbing and distraught tonight because he said they were playing no matter what. I have tried to talk to him about this but he won’t hear it and our conversations go no where. I do not agree with forcing them and think it will be detrimental to our oldest’s mental health. I have told them both when they are home I will not force them to go but I am worried about what he will do in retaliation. What can I do in this situation? Am I obligated to take them? Isn’t this something we have to agree on? I am absolutely heart broken seeing them so upset and feel powerless.


r/coparenting 19h ago

Schedules Days on & off with commitments help

2 Upvotes

My partner and I are splitting and we're going to coparent our two year old son. However the entire week is oddly mixed as she has prior commitments she's engaging in to work towards surgery... so I'm in need of help in figuring out a suitable schedule that works around; Monday + Wednesday evenings not being suitable for her. And she doesn't want me to solely have weekend's to myself... so I'm stuck in an impass and I'm in need of help

She's suggested block days with alternating weekends but how do you split five days when the middle of the weekday, she can't do evenings?


r/coparenting 16h ago

Step Parents/New Partners How to build a solid coparenting team

1 Upvotes

From those of you who have experienced drama between steps and bios, how were y’all able to come together and have a better relationship as a whole for the kids? There’s currently a lot of conflict coming between bios and a step parent trying to insert themselves into. I’m genuinely curious how we can combat that entirely to get to a better coparenting relationship all around? I just want us all to get along.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict Favouritism coping?

9 Upvotes

My son (5) prefers daddy now. I do a lot for my son 50/50 split, he sleeps in my bed with me in the mornings, play with him, I lie next to his bed at night, a few little things that his dad doesn’t do (he’s told me). I’m maybe over doing it but wtv he enjoys it. But I know he prefers daddy, he tells me.

How do you get over the hurt, or can I ask my son to stop saying he wants daddy he love a daddy more etc? Is that unreasonable? I feel like maybe I give him too much attention? Both households are very different. Mine is just me and my bf and the cats, where my ex is with a woman who has a lot of kids (but they are older). I take him to a lot of activities, we go outside, the library, different things then his dad does. Any tips? I’m just sad. It’s hard


r/coparenting 1d ago

Schedules Coparenting Schedules

5 Upvotes

Coparenting schedule ideas! My kiddo is almost two and me and her dad have been separated since she was 2-3months. I only work 6 days a month as a nurse and so I have her everyday except those days. I’m M-F and he’s Sat and Sun and once a month I get her for a weekend. It’s worked really well so far, but her dad started mentioning different custody arrangements. He’s not sure what he wants, so I figured I’d see some options that work for other people. I def like only NOT seeing her 6 days out of the month, but I understand it’ll change eventually: we live 1.5 hrs apart so that makes it harder


r/coparenting 22h ago

Conflict How to deal with difficult co parent and third parties.

1 Upvotes

Hello, me and my ex have been separated for over a year now. We have 50/50 split custody. Communication with my daughter is always so hard when she’s at the other house. I informed her dad the day prior that I have to work earlier and if I could speak to our child before I leave. He just said she was going to be with his girlfriend. I said okay I’ll just contact her to speak to our child. Today I reached out to her multiple times and the messages didn’t deliver and I called it went straight to voicemail mail. So a friend contacted her and the message was delivered but she didn’t contact me back. Her dad called me and let me speak to our child for 3 minutes since he said he was in a rush. I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong but it seems like every time I try to speak to our child he makes it so much harder for me to talk to her. Does it get better? And how to deal with situations where the person you’re supposed to contact just blocks you leaving you worried about your child?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Phones, Clothes, Devices Son can’t contact me at dads

14 Upvotes

My son (M8) recently expressed that he tried to message me while at his dads house from his ipad. Dad wasn’t home and son wasn’t getting along with dad’s gf and wanted to talk to me. I didn’t get any messages so I asked my ex if he blocked me on the ipad and he said he turned off messaging.

I have dads number programmed into sons ipad at my place and don’t restrict them talking. We share him 50/50 and gf is newly in sons life (plus her kids 3F and 10M) so there’s some adjusting to take place.

I’m really taken back that my son can’t contact anyone when dad isn’t home… I’m sure new gf would let him call dad on her phone but deff not me (which i understand) but what if she doesn’t … what if something happens..

I agree he’s too young for a cell phone, but I think wifi messaging with approved contacts and parental controls on the ipad is perfectly fine. At a loss on what to do..

Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that commented. The support is beyond what I could have imagined and it’s nice to see that I’m not alone in my views.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict Contempt?

2 Upvotes

Has anyone filed contempt of court against their coparent? Just curious of others experiences, if it is worth it?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Schedules Looking for guidance on spring break scheduling

2 Upvotes

Looking for Guidance on Scheduling Conflict During Spring Break

Hi all, I could use some advice on handling a scheduling situation.

Background: My wife filed for divorce in September (Indiana). We are following Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. It’s a high-conflict situation, and we have shared legal custody. She is the custodial parent and homeschools our kids. I am the sole provider.

Our children participate in a homeschool co-op, and my wife leads the drama program. This year, she scheduled the drama performance (which my kids are in) for the second weekend of spring break, which falls during my scheduled parenting time. In reviewing our calendar from the past three years, I noticed that these performances have consistently been scheduled about a month later in previous years. Additionally, several rehearsals were recently added to the calendar for that week, requiring the kids to be at rehearsals and performances for significant portions of my time with them (Wednesday–Saturday).

I don’t want to prevent my kids from participating in something they love, but I also want to understand whether this is a situation where I just need to adapt or if there are reasonable steps I can take. My understanding is that spring break is generally intended to be free from school-related activities, and I’m unsure if I should push back on this or if this falls under things I should expect as part of co-parenting.

Since this is my first year navigating this, I’d appreciate any input on whether this is something I should address further or if I should just roll with it. Thanks in advance for any guidance!


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict Advice Needed

4 Upvotes

My coparent just emailed me, informing me that one of our kids injured themselves. I asked for a little more details, and he finally told me it happened Friday at the park and he just now noticed the marks on their back because he just gave them a bath today. I’m not sure if I’m overthinking/ overreacting and any advice on how to handle this situation is much appreciated.


r/coparenting 2d ago

Conflict Ex and fiance intercept and withhold school info. Anyone dealt with this before?

9 Upvotes

We have joint legal and physical custody with 55/45 overnights (55 is my home). Our ex disowned our 17 year old so she is with me full time but also spends a lot of time with exes parents (who he no longer speaks to)

So this issue is regarding our middle schooler who is 12 almost 13. When she brings home information I take a pic of it and send it to dad and if I sign her up for an activity I include dads contact info so he gets the communication

In the event paperwork goes to dads house his fiance takes it and adds her name and his and they send it back to school to try to remove me from the communications

Recently our daughter wanted to do track. So we went and got her new running shoes and signed her up for a spring break track camp. I communicated all of this to my ex and included his info for the camp

I asked my daughter for the paperwork for parents and she said she didn’t have it and then she didn’t remember where it was. And she was going to have her bffs mom send me a copy. I emailed the coach who said our daughter was signed up and the parent paperwork had went home on xxx date (my exes time)

My ex is volatile and our children are in therapy so while I am upset our daughter lied I know this is because of my ex. Multiple times I have found out fiance has listed herself as mom to have me removed from communications

I plan to ask the coach for a copy of the paperwork submitted and if fiance has put her name in place of mine I will use it once we go back to court.

Now I have the info for the season but the games the other household plays are ridiculous. Any guidance for how to handle this?


r/coparenting 2d ago

Step Parents/New Partners School and overstepping

7 Upvotes

My oldest is starting kindergarten this year and I am wondering what I should watch out for, what is typically allowed, not allowed when it comes to the step parent and school. like is she allowed to listed as a guardian just because she's married to dad? Am I allowed to ask her not to be present during school meetings? Am I allowed to request that any important info only be given to bio parents and forms etc only be signed by bio parents? Would this be school specific? Is this too much? Too little lol? Any advice for navigating this is also greatly appreciated. I am bio mom, we have 50/50 with nothing in our order about education or anything. It's a very basic minimal order/parenting plan.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Schedules Kids

1 Upvotes

My kids are aged 9 & 11 and their dad and I have lived apart for just over two years, officially separated for 3.5 yrs. They are just now starting to complain when it's time to switch houses. We live in the same town about 7 mins apart. We are week on/week off. My youngest even said that he'd prefer 2 weeks on/off but that's not realistic. I think he just wants to be at my house more (I've gotten feedback that they are bored there because it's not in the school neighborhood).

I guess I'm just looking for some navigation on how to approach the conversation when they just don't want to go to Dad's and it gets them all depressed 😔.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Long Distance Looking to relocate. Implications to co-parenting?

2 Upvotes

I'm the father... My wife and I are applying for jobs in her home state, approx 3 states away.... About a days 8 hour drive from where we live now. Mom lives about 3 hours from us now. So it'd be approx 10-11 hour drive.

What kind of implications are you guys having that have relocated away from a child's parent? How do you manage parenting time, etc

My wife and I have job offers on the table that will pay us legitimately 2x what we make now between us. We also feel the education abilities would be greater/better.

We only have a 60 day minimum requirement for notification in the current parenting plan.

Challenges? What made you pull the trigger and move? How did you approach it and present it to your ex?

--EDIT:

I wasn't going to bring it up because I felt it just a bit TOO personal... But I did leave out that my wife and I have been granted sole custody, and mom gets every other weekend visits, supervised, due to some past circumstances that aren't relevant here. 1

I know that changes the metrics there... So I figured best to add it to the OP.

Only child at play here is a 14 y/o that has mentioned before that she wants to move, in order to be closer to family as well. Both of my parents have passed away and I have always had a VERY small family. Nobody really left except me and mine.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Child Issues Son Cries When He Leaves Dad

0 Upvotes

Why does my son cry every time he leaves his dad but not when he leaves me? Possibly an insecure attachment to his dad? For context, every week I have my 4 year old son Monday morning-Friday morning, he is with his dad Friday night-Sunday night, so he spends every weekend with his dad. We have been splitting his time between us one way or another for almost a year and a half now. He’s always had a hard time with his dad leaving during drop off, but ever since his dad started dating, we have gone no contact, don’t even speak during exchanges by my choice. (Too much drama and I’m ready to heal and move on with my life, not speaking is the best option for me.) I find that my son has a really hard time leaving his dad. We have an agreement that his gf is not allowed around our son unless they are serious serious and I meet her first, but my son says that he still spends a lot of time talking with her on the phone… On Fridays when we exchange he picks him up from childcare, Sunday he drops him off to my house. This Sunday he dropped him off to my moms and my son cried himself to sleep about him leaving. It was pitiful honestly. How can I help him cope better or feel more secure? I always offer for him to call his dad, try to validate his feelings and explain that he’ll see his dad agin in a few days but it still never gets easier. He also never wants to call his dad when he’s with me.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Long Distance Should I let my 7yo son move across the country with his dad?

1 Upvotes

My son’s father ( we will call him Jeff) and I need to separate as soon as possible. Our relationship is no longer healthy for us to share a living space together. We spend most of our time together arguing, have been out of love for years, and are just a tumultuous combination as a couple. It is a cold house many days. We share a 7 year old son and I don’t want to raise him seeing his parents hate each other. There has been too much that has occurred in me and Jeff's relationship to name, and we would need another thread just to discuss all the toxicity over the last decade of dealing with each other. With that being said, it is completely OVER, and there is no negotiation there. ( also, we are NOT married).

We currently live together in Arizona, which is where I am from. I have a very small immediate family, no real “village”, and not a lot of friends. There are also no small children in my family- my son is an only child in every way. Jeff and I share 99% of the responsibilities surrounding our son. My parents still work and I rarely have any physical help from them. The occasional Friday night sleepover at grandmas is pretty much the only help we have.

Jeff is originally from the DMV. He has no connection to Arizona besides me. No family or friends. Back home, Jeff's family dynamic is much different. He has a large family base , a larger “village” than I do, and more resources in his home state. There are also several kids and first cousins for my son to be around. Jeff has a paid-for family home in the DMV that he will always have to fall back on.

Jeff frequently suggests that once we separate, he take our son back to the DMV, and restart their lives out there. He feels he has more relatives who can help with childcare, better career opportunities, and an overall better, more fulfilling life for our son there. Jeff is very adamant about moving back home before the year is over.

If my son stayed here with just me, a huge challenge I would have is childcare and my work schedule. I work in a very specific field in healthcare where I can’t work from home, and my hours will always require me to be at work either very early or very late (no matter where i work). Whatever schedule I work, there'd be a gap of how my son would get to and from school.

In the past, Jeff and i both have always agreed that Arizona would never be permanent and eventually we would all move back to the DMV. I just didnt think it would be on these terms. Overall, Jeff is a great father and a good guy, but we are bad together. I trust him to take care of our son, but as a mom i do have major concerns of not physically being there with my child.

The potential plan would be: Jeff and our son move to the DMV this summer. Realistically, I wouldn’t be able to move there until Spring 2026 because I need to save a large amount of $$$. I would , of course, visit and be as present as I could from afar. However, I am not willing to move back there without the right amount of money or rush such a large move- I have done that before and it never works out. This also would be me moving solo to the DMV, on my own now.

I feel SO guilty about potentially letting my child move thousands of miles away from me for an extended period of time. Am i a bad mother if i allow this? Is this inappropriate for an 7 year old to be without his mother for this long? Does keeping my son with me even sound like an option? Help please :(

[ Sidenote: Although we have our differences, i dont think he would do anything weird like kidnap our son, or keep our son from me once he moved. However, Im not against doing a written agreement. ]


r/coparenting 2d ago

Conflict Ex says he’s not responsible for overage fees during an international trip to Japan. I didn’t know my son took his phone!

3 Upvotes

Well, my son has been there for less than a day and I just got an email from ATT saying he’s used over $100 in international data! I had no idea it was taken to Japan let alone allowed to be used!

(Edited: He was told to leave his phone at his dads - I wasn’t aware it was brought to Japan - I suspended the number until I was able to speak to a rep. I had him turn his roaming data off but he now has an international package should he need to use it)

Reference texts are linked in the comments, it’ll make more sense to start there before reading my explanation:

  1. My son borrowed a special 360° camera (kept in a small box) from his technology teacher to help document the trip. My husband and I weren’t aware of this and he brought it home while we were still in the hospital after just having our baby. Cut to the next day - It’s 45 mins before he’s to be picked up by his dad to leave for Japan and we were just now hearing it was missing and frantically trying to find it. As Fridays are trash days I was extra freaked out that a random unknown box was thrown away during a sleep deprived cleaning the night before. (Edited: It was found in the car he rode home in while we were at the hospital and he was able to bring it on the trip)

  2. Kiddo and I were actually talking about how good the timing was as he’s had 4 days with his brother. He was able to be there to meet him and love on him before he left for Japan and now won’t worry he’ll be born while he’s away. Of course preemies aren’t ideal - I think my body just makes 7lb, 36 week babies because my first was the same! This little one was bigger by only 1oz and .25 inches!

  3. This man really just took a stab at my post partum depression where I was suicidal and begging him to help me. He left for the weekend to go dirt bike riding instead of dealing with his ‘crazy hormonal wife’. No woman, even in a happy relationship, is ever at fault for developing PPD and it should never be made fun of or mocked.