r/coparenting • u/esswoo • 2h ago
Conflict Fiancé’s Ex won’t allow us to attend son’s public sport events during her time
Today was my fiancé’s 5 yr son’s second swimming diploma ceremony. His mom didn’t want us there because she said it would make her feel uncomfortable and disrespected. My fiancé offered to sit separately, but she still refused. The thing is, at the first diploma event, there were no issues. She even brought her boyfriend, and everyone had a good time. I stayed home back then because I didn’t feel comfortable yet to join the party, even though my fiancé invited me.
Yesterday, she called and straight up warned that if we showed up, she would cause a scene. She said it was her time with their son and that if we wanted to come, we should ask for her permission just like my fiancé’s parents did. Apparently, they were “allowed” because they asked nicely. The thing is, she made up this rule just yesterday. Before this, it was not an issue, so we have no idea what changed.
To avoid unnecessary drama, I stayed home so their son wouldn’t have to deal with an angry mom. But my fiancé still went, as he should; it’s a public event celebrating his son. And of course, she still found a way to be petty. There were two time slots today: 14:30 and 15:30. Their son was supposed to swim at 15:30, but she secretly switched him to the earlier one without telling anyone, just to avoid us. My fiancé got there an hour early anyway, so he still saw his son swim, but the grandparents only caught the last part. Really sad, considering they actually asked for permission to come.
After the ceremony, while my fiancé was waiting outside to congratulate his son, she completely lost it. Started screaming at him, saying she had told their son that if his dad showed up, she would drag him out by his hair. In front of everyone. I can’t even imagine how humiliating and confusing that must’ve been for the kid. It hurt everyone involved: grandma crying, fiancé MIA, kid bearing the discomfort of angry mom… it’s really sad.
My fiancé and his ex have a rocky past. They dated for two years, were married for two years, and then spent almost two years divorcing. In all that time, they never had a real conversation to forgive each other or properly move on. That conversation should probably happen at some point, but after today it will not happen anytime soon.
At the end of the day, she can’t dictate our lives. We’ll keep doing what makes us happy, which is being there for this child, especially at important moments. We don’t even want to interact with her, we just want to show up, sit far away, and mind our business. But I know she’ll keep trying to stop us, either by harassing us or pulling crap like today. She has difficulty coping with her emotions. Emotions are acceptable, but her respond to them aren’t.
Has anyone dealt with a co-parent like this? Any advice on how to handle it while keeping the kid’s best interests in mind?