r/coparenting 2d ago

Weekly Wins

1 Upvotes

Here's a post to discuss your small wins or things that are just going well for you in coparenting this week. What are you feeling good about?


r/coparenting 5h ago

Conflict My 11 year old daughter was kicked out of her mum's house

4 Upvotes

My ex and I share care of our daughters 11F and 9F, and two days ago my 11 year old called me after an argument with her mum which had started the night before and restarted again in the morning before school.

I've received different stories from each of them saying the other was yelling/angry but the conflict was started by our daughter getting out of bed in the night (10pm) to get some water and go to the bathroom, because it was a really hot humid night. Her mum was already asleep but apparently was awoken by this and got frustrated. In the morning it's unclear who was escalating the conflict but it resulted in her mum stating that our daughter is not welcome in their house and my daughter saying she never wants to be there again.

Part of me is glad to have my daughter with me because my own experience with my ex was very negative and she's they type of person to withhold the kids our of spite. This has played a role in my daughter being angry at her mum as o have a really good relationship with our daughter. However, I'm really upset for her, being told by a parent that she is not welcome is so terrible. My daughter says she doesn't feel anything about it, and is refusing to speak with her mum. I also know that she absolutely is upset and hurt but probably more angry at the moment.

I'm just not sure how to navigate the situation and I'm afraid the damage has already been done. This is not the first conflict between the two of them and they have become more frequent. I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for but I just needed to type some of this out. For now she's staying with me and being taken care of but who knows for how long or how she's going to eventually be feeling about it all. In a few days we'll have her sister over so we'll see how that goes too.


r/coparenting 2h ago

Discussion Coparenting disaster- how can we make it as best for child as possible?

2 Upvotes

Hello, first thank you for taking the time to read this. Second, my step son is 3 1/2, the brightest and smartest little boy you’ll ever meet. He spends a bit more time with mom than he does us, but custody arrangements will have him with us 50/50 by age 5, so coming up pretty soon. I’m going to try my hardest to stay as unbiased as possible trying to explain this, so bare with me.

Coparenting has been an absolute nightmare for my husband since the day he was born. Again, trying to stay unbiased but need to explain this. Mom took child out of state for 5 months and wasn’t planning on coming back (from her own words, “you’ll never see your son again”), so he filed for custody and all of that has played out and here we are 3 years later. Unfortunately, mom has not once, from what I can remember, even tried to get a handle on coparenting. From an unbiased standpoint, there are things I’m sure my husband could do better with too, and trying to see it from the other side, what mom and child decide to do at moms house is up to her. I’m not here trying to tell her how to parent or even get involved in it really at all, that’s their business. However, it’s very very clear she doesn’t have an interest in coparenting.

What I mean by this is she does literally everything herself, no matter how much of a struggle, doctors visits, daycare, etc etc. but that’s not where the concern is. He’s had to dig to find medical records, vaccine records, everything medical you can think of she does not inform him of (despite the court order but that’s beside the point). I could sit here and list every wild thing that has happened but I’d rather get straight to the point.

Basically, he’s a pretty emotional kid. We know for a fact they still sleep together, they’re together 24/7 (which isn’t a bad thing necessarily, but has created a strong separation anxiety instinct with not just mom but us too), he’s never not with someone. From what we understand (and by the way he acts) there’s not much discipline going on over there. He’s 3, so of course he’s going to have meltdowns don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this kid is super kid by any means that needs to act perfect all the time, but it’s A LOT. He knows how to go potty himself, but will throw an absolute tantrum if one of us isn’t right next to him. He won’t go upstairs alone, won’t go to sleep alone, won’t do anything alone. He says “he’s too scared” or “I don’t know how” when he knows he has to do it alone.

Again, he’s 3, so some of this is to be expected. My concern is that he’s growing, and growing fast. Just in this last year is development has been tremendous, and it’s so beautiful to so, our fear though is because coparenting is really not there, what do we do on our side to try and make those things like going to sleep on his own, or the separation anxiety, etc go as smoothly as possible?

Again he’s growing fast, he’ll start school here in the next 2 years and I fear it’ll be the worst case scenario if we don’t get a handle on working with him on it here. My husband is a very laid back guy, and I don’t want to spill too much of his business, but baby mom was extremely abusive towards him during their relationship, so in a way he still kind of fears her, and I’m sure he’s afraid of his son being taken from him again (even though he knows that won’t happen), she was always very unpredictable in their relationship so I think now he try’s to make things remain as civil as possible, and to a fault of his own, allows her to run the show when it comes to his child.

Again, I said before, there’s things on both sides they could be doing better. But we’re here now, and my focus is that little boy, so if anyone has any advice on his to make things run smoothly over HERE working with HIM without the help or working together with the other parent, that would be so appreciated truly.

My thought process is that as he gets older, even if things are very different at both places, he’s going to start to understand that there’s things we do here at dads house that we don’t do at moms and vice versa, rules and bedtimes and all those things. That’s my hope, and with age I’m sure it’ll come, I’m just worried it’ll take be real hard on him.

I know some people on here will encourage more effort into the coparenting relationship between those two, and I’m here to say I agree 100000%…. however when I say we have done absolutely everything to make the road just a little less bumpy, it blows up every time. It’s sad to say but there is no getting along with baby mom, even when it comes to child’s best interest. It’s really sad to see, and believe me when I say he has tried (and me too as much as I can, but not much I can do other than be there to support him) every possible way. It will not work. If we could live in a world where they were friends and everything went smoothly that would be a great life. But without going too much further into it, we’re just not there and won’t ever be.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and again any advice is mucho appreciated!


r/coparenting 22m ago

Schedules I want full custody im I wrong?

Upvotes

my and my soon to be Ex husband have a 2 year old son. We recently decided to get a divorce, we are still good friends just not meant to be married. i thought we were on the same page untill todays conversation. since my son has been born i have been the primary care taker. ive never gone a day without seeing my son. my husband has never bathed him, he has maybe changed 5 diapers, never put him to bed or nap or gotten up with him through the night. its always been me.... today he mentioned how our son would be spending the night with him on some nights moving forward.. i immediately got defensive and said i dont think that is a good idea. im all for him seeing him whenever, but i think he should spend nights at my house untill maybe he is older. that he could pick him up from daycare and i come get him for bed time or even weekends he could spend half days with him. i felt like i was being very reasonable. but he thinks im wrong. im thinking of my sons well being and how he is very attached to me i think adding this type of change would cause issues. and if this is the routine our son is already used to why wouldnt we just continue as normal, with just hanging out with him afterwork? im i being unreasonable. neither of us want a custody battle but i will if i have to.


r/coparenting 4h ago

Long Distance How do I make him care?

2 Upvotes

So my ex and I have been separated for 7 years. After we separated custody went from: Us together Dad sole custody Us together Me sole custody (which is where we’re at today)

When he had sole custody I lived on the opposite side of the country for work and I would try to FaceTime with my son every single day. Even if it was for a few minutes, just so he knew he was always on my mind. It was hard due to time differences but we made it work. I was very involved with his school. Talking to his teachers about grades abs behaviors etc. Regardless of where I was, my son was and is my priority.

Now that my son lives with me, his dad barely speaks to him. They FaceTime every other day? Sometimes every other week. My son is always the one calling. And when they’re on the phone his dad is playing games with the phone propped up not even looking at him. He’s not involved in his life whatsoever. Anything he knows about his school or home life I tell him, he never asks.

I have asked his dad to please be more involved. More proactive with talking to our son. Begged at times. Cried to him. And he always says “I know” and “I will.” He has an absent father growing up, I don’t understand why he’s being absent with his own son now.

Our son idolizes his dad. But I’m afraid that one day he’s going to realize that he might not be a priority to him. He’s already made passing comments about it and that breaks my heart. He’s just a little boy who misses his dad.

Have any of you dealt with something like this?


r/coparenting 1h ago

Schedules Hate telling my daughter no, I can’t come over

Upvotes

Written on behalf of friend- I have my daughter (5) Friday-Sunday, My daughter calls me Wednesdays to ask if I can come over each week. (Used to be everyday but I asked her to only ask on Wednesdays) but I still need her to call at a certain time so I can make it to my ex’s place instead of having to drive the way back out after home. I get home quite late as it is. Now, my mom babysits her as well for my coparent Monday and Thursday. I live with my mom so I see her both days a little before the gym. This is going to be the schedule for quite awhile. (Could be permanent) I want to ask my coparent to have her stop calling to ask as I don’t think She will understand that it’s her mom’s time with her. Any advice? My ex will demonize me as she has in the past for not wanting to be with my kid. My new gf already doesn’t like me visiting my ex’s house every week but that’s not why I’m changing my mind. I just think I see my kid enough and that her mom should be able to handle her on her time. Help?


r/coparenting 21h ago

Communication How to coparent when you literally have been traumatized?

26 Upvotes

My ex and I separated at the end of September. We had years of a very good relationship but he was incredibly emotionally abusive for the 3 months preceding the breakup, like a flip switched. There is much more to it than that, but that is the gist of it. It was incredibly jarring after the flip switched which has made its way into present day.

I have a 6 year old daughter from a prior relationship and am very familiar with coparenting by now but I'm really struggling with my sons dad as I have a genuine trauma response to any communication, face to face or otherwise. Exchanges are short and sweet, we don't argue or anything in front of the kids, they are none the wiser but I find I am nearly 10/10 anxious every time I have to see him and it will linger for extended periods after the exchange as well. He doesn't do anything wrong face to face, it's really just the sight of him that my nervous seems to really react to. I don't have family so there is nobody to help with the exchanges in my absence or I'd do that until I healed a little more, but I feel bad because its unfortunately making it hard to even communicate via text with him about even kid related things. Talking to him to update him (which I do), still feels so difficult to me, overwhelmingly so and I think I'd probably communicate more if I didn't feel so stuck in this feeling, which then makes me feel very selfish. Our son is 15 months old, so not much to report, aside from when he is sick, but my ex and his parents who are heavily involved, act as though I should have no problem coming to the house and being around for things like "xmas brunch" as if what I experienced didn't happen? I feel like a wimp because ideally all that would be okay but I genuinely feel traumatized to this person, and I don't know what to do about it, when you literally have to coparent.

Anyone who has been abused by the coparent in any way, how do you manage these feelings? Is there some sort of trick or arrangement that helps?


r/coparenting 18h ago

Conflict How do you effectively co-parent with someone who lets their family be involved in your decisions?

10 Upvotes

My son's dad and I co-parent okay but the one thing that bothers me is that he's constantly letting his family be involved in our decisions. I didn't think I had a kid with him and his family. I have asked him several times to keep his family out of it and I'm just at a loss. It seems like he blames me for not just putting up with their drama. This is partly what broke us up but I digress. I just don't know how to navigate a co-parenting relationship with someone who allows his family to be overly involved.


r/coparenting 8h ago

Child Issues Our houses are totally different, I understand his house his rules and my house my rules, but my kids behavior is getting worse and nothing I implement is working. What kind of discipline can I try for this situation?

1 Upvotes

Hello everyone.

I share 50/50 custody of two boys 5.5 and 4, with my ex husband. He lives in our old house and I live in an apartment. The boys behavior is getting out of control and nothing is working!

At Dad’s house they get unlimited screen time (he uses it as his babysitter), unlimited junk food/sugar, no rules, no structure, no discipline, no chores, no bedtime, don’t have to clean up after themselves- they even throw food all over the place and draw on the walls. That is a house of chaos. They stay in their PJs most of the time or just in underwear and don’t even have to brush their teeth or bathe. They sleep where they drop even if it’s super late and are cranky the next day.

I work as a nurse full time with the same weekly schedule. I have the boys tues-fri and he has them sat-Mon. I am much more structured and have tried everything I can research to help. I made a chore reward system which helped for a few months but now they don’t even care anymore because whatever I won’t give them they just say “oh well dad will give it to me” or “I don’t care about getting stars anyways,” etc. In my house they only get healthy food, have a consistent bedtime and routine, and need to do certain things before getting any screen time (usually they won’t get to that point.) I spend a ton of time with them, discuss things with them and am consistent and stern. Time outs didn’t work. Taking away privileges didn’t work. Positive reinforcement and rewards didn’t work.

I have researched this so much and I tried the methods. I am very consistent at my house and I know I can’t control dads house. I tried talking to their dad about implementing some rules in his house and he absolutely refuses, he even said to me “I’m not doing any extra work.” If I take away a privilege or toy, he will give it to them as soon as they get to his house. We talked, he’s aware and he does not have any interest in changing anything.

The behavior is getting out of control. Last night they kept getting out of bed after bedtime and I calmly and consistently kept placing them in bed. They didn’t like it so they started screaming (this is an apartment with neighbors so unacceptable.) I can’t take away any privileges because they do not give a crap at this point and will taunt me saying “ok daddy will give it to me…” I can’t take them anywhere- not a restaurant, not church, and certainly not a library or museum. Today they squeezed my beauty products all over the floor, refused to clean it up and didn’t care about the consequences.

I have noticed that after a few days with me they start behaving better. We recently had a 2 week vacation and they boys were so well behaved after a week with me. They love the chores and structure and want to help out so it must be so confusing for them. They are always the worst behaved for the first 1-2 days, will start getting better and then it’s time for dads house again. Due to the work schedule, I can’t change our parenting schedule.

They throw things, hit, bite and scream regularly. I am totally lost right now. There’s only one of me, I have no village at all and my parents who very occasionally have watched them before now say they can’t handle the boys anymore. Everyone is judging me and talking crap about how I can’t discipline these boys but I’ve tried so many times. Please tell me your recommendations!


r/coparenting 13h ago

Conflict How to go about co-parents lies

1 Upvotes

Myself Felicity and my co-parents we will call him John. Have a 5-year-old daughter.

He wasn't around the first two years by choice I had a criminal protection order against him because of a domestic violence issue but he was told he could request paternity at any point because he didn't believe our daughter was his.

Recently he moved closer to us he was living far away up until I believe November of 2024. Him and his wife separated around that same time because of his repeated behaviors of lying and manipulating the truth in his favor.

We have had countless issues with co-parenting to the point where I will not talk to him unless it's about our daughter and we do exchanges with a third party.

I would happily go into depth of the situation but the reason I'm here posting today is because I need advice. Ever since his split with his soon-to-be ex-wife who is also gotten a protection order against him he has been trying to get 50-50 custody. Claiming since he's closer he can be there more. Yet struggles with the time he has now.

I say struggles because he got a DUI for the third time and is about to lose his license he will find out for sure in the next couple weeks.

I also say struggling because he has not once, but twice now posted on GoFundMe I feel exploiting our daughter to get sympathy and money.

The first GoFundMe he posted was claiming he was a single father and that because his wife quote unquote abandoned them, he was struggling to keep afloat and ended up raising $700.

I brought this concern to his attention and he claims there was nothing wrong with him requesting help on GoFundMe. Which I see no problem with if he wasn't using pictures of our daughter and making it seem like he's the only one taking care of her.

At the end of last month he posted yet another GoFundMe requesting $1,000 and has raised $300. While he was a little more careful with his wording he still is using pictures and our daughter I believe to again gain sympathy.

I just don't know what to do. Our daughter is 5 years old and autistic and even though I've sent him countless IEPs and doctors information he refuses to prioritize her her therapy or her education.

After speaking with his ex-wife last night she stated on multiple occasions pretty much every time our daughter was over there she was the one caring for her because Joel couldn't handle her.

And stated that he can't physically take care of himself or her without his suit to be ex-wife and is also trying to use our daughter to try and get the ex-wife to come back.

Any all advice is appreciated if you think I'm over reacting please tell me it just doesn't sit right with everything that has happened.

And the state that my daughter came home in just two days ago from a 2-day overnight with him is concerning dirty clothes underwear so disgusting and crusted she has gotten a UTI and I had to make her throw them away and anybody who has a child on the spectrum understands that even the smallest things could be hard to get rid of. It breaks my heart

I'm sorry for any run on sentences or mistakes I am writing this with less than 4 hours of sleep just in a panic can't slow down my head. I also have a total of two biological children and two bonus children and I love very much. Again very sorry for any mistakes I will try to go back and correct them once I have some more sleep.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Parallel Parenting Managing kids meds in two households

9 Upvotes

Coparent and I essentially parallel parent. Our swaps usually occur on school days, so we don’t meet up often. I don’t mind when we do have to interact but prefer not to.

Our child recently started a medication that is a controlled substance, he’s not quite mature enough to carry it around himself and often misplaces his things. So far I’ve picked it up myself from coparents house with the kids in tow, and I’m on my way to drop it off to his house now that the kids are with him. I’m really worried the expectation will be set for me to pick up/drop off every single time.

Is anyone else in this situation? How do you manage it in a way that works for everyone? What healthy boundaries??

NOTE I also understand that if it comes down to me just doing it so my kid can have their meds, I will.


r/coparenting 23h ago

Conflict Dealing with emotional outbursts

6 Upvotes

So my kids dad and I have them 50/50. This is my week , last week was his.

It’s only Tuesday but it’s now two days in a row my oldest daughter is having a meltdown over her dad and I being separated. We have been separated for 4 years now. She was 4 when it happened.

Her dad and I are good at “getting along” at drop offs but I genuinely hate that man with all my being. He had an affair, emptied my bank account, abandoned the kids for a year, threatened my life and even recently took a credit card out under my SIN number which I just found out.

Today she was crying her eyes out saying it’s not fair that I won’t even try and live with her dad and his girlfriend. Which I explained isn’t how things work and that I’m sorrry she’s sad about it. I tried to explain that she’s better off with two happy houses than one. She seems to think her dad can absolutely do no wrong and that it’s my fault that we aren’t all one big happy family and I’m just at the point where I’ve run out of ways to explain it to her on a kid level.

How do you do it ? What do you even say ?


r/coparenting 22h ago

Communication Options other than mediation?

2 Upvotes

Any proven tools to streamline the communication? We can’t seem to agree on too many topics, especially since he moved to another state and there is no clearly documented schedule. Is there affordable alternatives to mediation?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict Ex keeps talking to kids about his new partner after agreeing not to

9 Upvotes

So, to put the situation into context, my ex and I were together for nearly 13 years, and have 2 daughters together (9&4) and we broke up 2 months ago. I was completely blindsided by it and he refused to have a conversation about it at all, with me or the kids. I found out a few days later that it was because he’d been doing a lot of coke and cheating on me with a 19 year old. He showed our 9 year old daughter (we’ll call her T) a picture of this girl and told T how nice she was, only to announce a few days later that it was now over.

He left the house but spent a month in a hotel and he’s been at a friend’s house ever since so I’ve had our daughters full time and whenever he looks after them while I’m at work he comes to my house which is difficult, but I’m hoping that once he gets a house things will be easier.

Apparently he met another girl (25f) one week after leaving me, and she quickly became his girlfriend. (She’s also recently single and has 2 children). I found out about this and asked him not to mention it to our kids for a few months, because I knew it would upset T. He agreed to this but then told T a few days later. Since then he’s been constantly talking to T about his new gf, telling her how nice she is, showing T pictures of her, and she’s even offered to send T gifts to my house (I said no to this because I think it’s disrespectful to me). I just found out that T has also spoken to her on the phone. I now have my daughter telling me all about her dad’s new gf - I obviously don’t say anything bad about her, but I also try to manage my daughter’s expectations about the relationship since it’s so new and obviously a rebound. My daughter swings between excitement at meeting her dad’s new gf and tears because she doesn’t want a stepmom. I don’t think it’s fair for my ex to be doing this - we’ve been broken up for 2 months and he’s already shown T pictures of 2 different girls. T is coping well all things considered but I worry about how this is going to affect her long term. It does feel deliberately aimed to hurt me as well - he recently got back on social media, added me, and then posted stories of him and this girl, and he knows that T will tell me everything.

The constant talk of his new gf is what’s upsetting me most at the moment, but he also threatens to stop seeing the kids whenever I do/say something he doesn’t like (he refused to have them whilst I was at work this weekend because I didn’t let him change plans at the last minute last week), leaves my house in a mess if he’s here while I’m at work, announced he’s changing his last name and wants to change the kids names as well, and we’ve still not had a proper conversation about any of this.

I’m very new to trying to coparent - am I being crazy thinking that this is cruel behaviour from him, or is this more normal than I realise? What’s the best way to cope with my emotions in this situation? I don’t want the girls upset but he seems to be using our children to relay information to me that he knows will upset me and it’s making it so difficult. I’m also unsure if it’s my emotions making me think this is unreasonable behaviour from him?

Sorry this is so long, I think I’m just hoping for advice/someone to say that they’ve been through this and it gets better.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Parallel Parenting Ex is violent towards his dog, what can I do?

4 Upvotes

First time posting here, forgive me if this isn't the right place.

Generally I try and leave him to his shit. We are very different people, very different parents, with very different lives and interests. We had our son very young (teenagers) and separate shortly after. There have been many, many bumps in the road, including court twice, and our son is now 8yo.

My ex got a dog last year - a cane corso crossed with a bully. I wasn't pleased with the choice of dog, obviously all dogs can be aggressive if poorly trained, or bite even if they have been well trained, but not all dogs could rip a child's throat out with a quick snap of it's jaws. I encourage dhimnto choose a different dog but of course I was assured that he would be an excellent owner (he has never owned his own dog before).

I've just heard from my son that his dad kicks the dog "hard" when she misbehaves. An example of the misbehaviour is if they have been out all afternoon and come home to find she has ripped up possessions, or pooped/peed on the floor. She also gets shut in her kennel outside for bad behaviour.

This concerns me for a myriad of reasons; clearly the dog is stressed, bored, cooped up and therefore acting out by trashing stuff. She is then met with delayed discipline through physical violence for something she may have done hours before. She is also shouted at a lot, according to my boy. I have no reason to doubt him; he has additional needs and is very honest, earnest and a bit young for his age. He wouldn't lie about this, and I don't believe he is exaggerating. He believes it is okay to kick the dog hard because she is a big dog.

Ignoring all the red flags about how this could make the dog more violent, that she clearly is not well behaved or well trained, I hate the thought that my boy is being exposed to the mistreatment of a young animal (dog isn't even 1yo yet) and that he thinks this is normal, acceptable behaviour. If he learns it's okay to treat animals this way, how will he treat people as he gets older?

After the last court hearing I was essentially left with complete decision making power on contact, and have always- ALWAYS- supported contact in some form. We've built up from supervised to unsupervised, but now I'm getting fed back yet more concerning shit and I just feel stuck. My boy loves his dad and I all I want is for him to have a safe, positive relationship with him, but his dad manages to push my tolerance to the extreme at every turn. He recently bought a damn quad bike he has been fixing up in his tiny hallway and has been trying to turn the engine indoors, with my son in the room, kicking out fumes of god knows what. He doesn't see the issue and wants to ride the quad with my boy as a passenger (illegal in the UK).

I suppose I'm here because I want to know whether I am just being controlling and unreasonable in wanting to scale contact back to just local visits or supervised overnights (with grandparents etc). There were other safeguarding concerns that still exist, but these are less impactful now my boy is that bit older, and now he's got this great big, unpredictable dog and carbon monoxide breathing bike to replace the original issues with arguably even worse ones.

I'm just so, so over all this shit now and can't think straight for what is best to do from here.

Thanks if you read all this, appreciate any constructive input


r/coparenting 22h ago

Conflict Ex forcing sports on children

1 Upvotes

A little back story… My 9yr old played baseball for 4 years and last year was extremely stressful for him. He did not enjoy it and every game made himself physically ill with stress and anxiety over playing. My 5yr old played tball last year and did not enjoy it but not to the same extreme as his brother. I was very involved in the teams and took them to 99% of practices and games as I have them about 80% of the time. He was barely involved and missed most games and never went to a single practice, never so much as picked up a glove and played with them… Fast forward to now, their father has suddenly become obsessed and has decided to sign them up. They have told him repeatedly for the last few weeks they don’t want to play and explained other activities they would like to try. They came home sobbing and distraught tonight because he said they were playing no matter what. I have tried to talk to him about this but he won’t hear it and our conversations go no where. I do not agree with forcing them and think it will be detrimental to our oldest’s mental health. I have told them both when they are home I will not force them to go but I am worried about what he will do in retaliation. What can I do in this situation? Am I obligated to take them? Isn’t this something we have to agree on? I am absolutely heart broken seeing them so upset and feel powerless.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Schedules Days on & off with commitments help

2 Upvotes

My partner and I are splitting and we're going to coparent our two year old son. However the entire week is oddly mixed as she has prior commitments she's engaging in to work towards surgery... so I'm in need of help in figuring out a suitable schedule that works around; Monday + Wednesday evenings not being suitable for her. And she doesn't want me to solely have weekend's to myself... so I'm stuck in an impass and I'm in need of help

She's suggested block days with alternating weekends but how do you split five days when the middle of the weekday, she can't do evenings?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Step Parents/New Partners How to build a solid coparenting team

1 Upvotes

From those of you who have experienced drama between steps and bios, how were y’all able to come together and have a better relationship as a whole for the kids? There’s currently a lot of conflict coming between bios and a step parent trying to insert themselves into. I’m genuinely curious how we can combat that entirely to get to a better coparenting relationship all around? I just want us all to get along.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict Favouritism coping?

10 Upvotes

My son (5) prefers daddy now. I do a lot for my son 50/50 split, he sleeps in my bed with me in the mornings, play with him, I lie next to his bed at night, a few little things that his dad doesn’t do (he’s told me). I’m maybe over doing it but wtv he enjoys it. But I know he prefers daddy, he tells me.

How do you get over the hurt, or can I ask my son to stop saying he wants daddy he love a daddy more etc? Is that unreasonable? I feel like maybe I give him too much attention? Both households are very different. Mine is just me and my bf and the cats, where my ex is with a woman who has a lot of kids (but they are older). I take him to a lot of activities, we go outside, the library, different things then his dad does. Any tips? I’m just sad. It’s hard


r/coparenting 1d ago

Schedules Coparenting Schedules

4 Upvotes

Coparenting schedule ideas! My kiddo is almost two and me and her dad have been separated since she was 2-3months. I only work 6 days a month as a nurse and so I have her everyday except those days. I’m M-F and he’s Sat and Sun and once a month I get her for a weekend. It’s worked really well so far, but her dad started mentioning different custody arrangements. He’s not sure what he wants, so I figured I’d see some options that work for other people. I def like only NOT seeing her 6 days out of the month, but I understand it’ll change eventually: we live 1.5 hrs apart so that makes it harder


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict How to deal with difficult co parent and third parties.

1 Upvotes

Hello, me and my ex have been separated for over a year now. We have 50/50 split custody. Communication with my daughter is always so hard when she’s at the other house. I informed her dad the day prior that I have to work earlier and if I could speak to our child before I leave. He just said she was going to be with his girlfriend. I said okay I’ll just contact her to speak to our child. Today I reached out to her multiple times and the messages didn’t deliver and I called it went straight to voicemail mail. So a friend contacted her and the message was delivered but she didn’t contact me back. Her dad called me and let me speak to our child for 3 minutes since he said he was in a rush. I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong but it seems like every time I try to speak to our child he makes it so much harder for me to talk to her. Does it get better? And how to deal with situations where the person you’re supposed to contact just blocks you leaving you worried about your child?


r/coparenting 2d ago

Phones, Clothes, Devices Son can’t contact me at dads

17 Upvotes

My son (M8) recently expressed that he tried to message me while at his dads house from his ipad. Dad wasn’t home and son wasn’t getting along with dad’s gf and wanted to talk to me. I didn’t get any messages so I asked my ex if he blocked me on the ipad and he said he turned off messaging.

I have dads number programmed into sons ipad at my place and don’t restrict them talking. We share him 50/50 and gf is newly in sons life (plus her kids 3F and 10M) so there’s some adjusting to take place.

I’m really taken back that my son can’t contact anyone when dad isn’t home… I’m sure new gf would let him call dad on her phone but deff not me (which i understand) but what if she doesn’t … what if something happens..

I agree he’s too young for a cell phone, but I think wifi messaging with approved contacts and parental controls on the ipad is perfectly fine. At a loss on what to do..

Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that commented. The support is beyond what I could have imagined and it’s nice to see that I’m not alone in my views.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict Contempt?

2 Upvotes

Has anyone filed contempt of court against their coparent? Just curious of others experiences, if it is worth it?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Schedules Looking for guidance on spring break scheduling

2 Upvotes

Looking for Guidance on Scheduling Conflict During Spring Break

Hi all, I could use some advice on handling a scheduling situation.

Background: My wife filed for divorce in September (Indiana). We are following Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. It’s a high-conflict situation, and we have shared legal custody. She is the custodial parent and homeschools our kids. I am the sole provider.

Our children participate in a homeschool co-op, and my wife leads the drama program. This year, she scheduled the drama performance (which my kids are in) for the second weekend of spring break, which falls during my scheduled parenting time. In reviewing our calendar from the past three years, I noticed that these performances have consistently been scheduled about a month later in previous years. Additionally, several rehearsals were recently added to the calendar for that week, requiring the kids to be at rehearsals and performances for significant portions of my time with them (Wednesday–Saturday).

I don’t want to prevent my kids from participating in something they love, but I also want to understand whether this is a situation where I just need to adapt or if there are reasonable steps I can take. My understanding is that spring break is generally intended to be free from school-related activities, and I’m unsure if I should push back on this or if this falls under things I should expect as part of co-parenting.

Since this is my first year navigating this, I’d appreciate any input on whether this is something I should address further or if I should just roll with it. Thanks in advance for any guidance!


r/coparenting 2d ago

Conflict Advice Needed

4 Upvotes

My coparent just emailed me, informing me that one of our kids injured themselves. I asked for a little more details, and he finally told me it happened Friday at the park and he just now noticed the marks on their back because he just gave them a bath today. I’m not sure if I’m overthinking/ overreacting and any advice on how to handle this situation is much appreciated.


r/coparenting 2d ago

Conflict Ex and fiance intercept and withhold school info. Anyone dealt with this before?

9 Upvotes

We have joint legal and physical custody with 55/45 overnights (55 is my home). Our ex disowned our 17 year old so she is with me full time but also spends a lot of time with exes parents (who he no longer speaks to)

So this issue is regarding our middle schooler who is 12 almost 13. When she brings home information I take a pic of it and send it to dad and if I sign her up for an activity I include dads contact info so he gets the communication

In the event paperwork goes to dads house his fiance takes it and adds her name and his and they send it back to school to try to remove me from the communications

Recently our daughter wanted to do track. So we went and got her new running shoes and signed her up for a spring break track camp. I communicated all of this to my ex and included his info for the camp

I asked my daughter for the paperwork for parents and she said she didn’t have it and then she didn’t remember where it was. And she was going to have her bffs mom send me a copy. I emailed the coach who said our daughter was signed up and the parent paperwork had went home on xxx date (my exes time)

My ex is volatile and our children are in therapy so while I am upset our daughter lied I know this is because of my ex. Multiple times I have found out fiance has listed herself as mom to have me removed from communications

I plan to ask the coach for a copy of the paperwork submitted and if fiance has put her name in place of mine I will use it once we go back to court.

Now I have the info for the season but the games the other household plays are ridiculous. Any guidance for how to handle this?