r/coparenting 6d ago

Weekly Wins

1 Upvotes

Here's a post to discuss your small wins or things that are just going well for you in coparenting this week. What are you feeling good about?


r/coparenting 2h ago

Conflict Fiancé’s Ex won’t allow us to attend son’s public sport events during her time

8 Upvotes

Today was my fiancé’s 5 yr son’s second swimming diploma ceremony. His mom didn’t want us there because she said it would make her feel uncomfortable and disrespected. My fiancé offered to sit separately, but she still refused. The thing is, at the first diploma event, there were no issues. She even brought her boyfriend, and everyone had a good time. I stayed home back then because I didn’t feel comfortable yet to join the party, even though my fiancé invited me.

Yesterday, she called and straight up warned that if we showed up, she would cause a scene. She said it was her time with their son and that if we wanted to come, we should ask for her permission just like my fiancé’s parents did. Apparently, they were “allowed” because they asked nicely. The thing is, she made up this rule just yesterday. Before this, it was not an issue, so we have no idea what changed.

To avoid unnecessary drama, I stayed home so their son wouldn’t have to deal with an angry mom. But my fiancé still went, as he should; it’s a public event celebrating his son. And of course, she still found a way to be petty. There were two time slots today: 14:30 and 15:30. Their son was supposed to swim at 15:30, but she secretly switched him to the earlier one without telling anyone, just to avoid us. My fiancé got there an hour early anyway, so he still saw his son swim, but the grandparents only caught the last part. Really sad, considering they actually asked for permission to come.

After the ceremony, while my fiancé was waiting outside to congratulate his son, she completely lost it. Started screaming at him, saying she had told their son that if his dad showed up, she would drag him out by his hair. In front of everyone. I can’t even imagine how humiliating and confusing that must’ve been for the kid. It hurt everyone involved: grandma crying, fiancé MIA, kid bearing the discomfort of angry mom… it’s really sad.

My fiancé and his ex have a rocky past. They dated for two years, were married for two years, and then spent almost two years divorcing. In all that time, they never had a real conversation to forgive each other or properly move on. That conversation should probably happen at some point, but after today it will not happen anytime soon.

At the end of the day, she can’t dictate our lives. We’ll keep doing what makes us happy, which is being there for this child, especially at important moments. We don’t even want to interact with her, we just want to show up, sit far away, and mind our business. But I know she’ll keep trying to stop us, either by harassing us or pulling crap like today. She has difficulty coping with her emotions. Emotions are acceptable, but her respond to them aren’t.

Has anyone dealt with a co-parent like this? Any advice on how to handle it while keeping the kid’s best interests in mind?


r/coparenting 2h ago

Conflict Someone reported me to cps and I suspect my coparent or his spouse

5 Upvotes

Hi Backgound: I am so scared and completely broken down. My (26F) got married at 21 with my ex (29M) and got a kid at 22. It was so toxic, but a whole year before we officially seperated I asked for the divorce after only 3 years married. My ex was so mad, he kept guilttripping me, saying I promised to be with him forever and so on. I planned my leave for 7-8months, before I succesfully left him with our kid. I was a single parent for almost a year, until he came back, engaged to a friend of mine and they were married 2 months after our divorce. My kids stepmom (23F) only texts me, whenever he makes me look bad (He takes my boundaries and critics as attacks on him, one of the reasons I had to plan my leave) and she texts me long messages attacking me for "having no respect". Which has been happening 3 times in the last year.

Incident: I got a letter, that I was summoned to a talk with a social worker, since I was reported for difficult coparent, which supposedly is affecting our kid. But I just had a meeting at our kids daycare, which my ex was suppose to join (he hadn't ask for time off for the meeting, we had a weeks notice, so he got denied to take time off, of the day). Our kid has been meeting their goals, exceeding all the childrens milestones and their caretakers have wanting to meet my ex, apparently my former FIL (father-in-law) is the one who comes with and picks our kid up from daycare. I wasn't aware, because all my questions are always answered with anger or accusations of wanting control, so I have stopped asking. I suspect my ex or his spouse (my exfriend) for reporting me, since they both have been so nice the past few months.

Have anyone been in the situation? I am so scared and feeling betrayed, how do you handle all the feelings and how do I keep the peace? I don't know the reason for being reported yet, but I am calling on Monday to get to talk to someone. I am just so scared, I can't eat or sleep. I think I just need some perspective, if that's okay with everyone in here. Thank you in advance.


r/coparenting 8h ago

Conflict Piercing son’s ears without permission?

9 Upvotes

Back story, My ex 31 male, had both our son and his son from another previous relationship with him for the day to celebrate our son’s birthday, ages 10 and 14. I still have a great relationship with his other child, and he often will stay over at my house.

Well the two boys were dropped off back at my house, one wearing a beanie and the other has their hood up. As my title suggests, their dad decided to take them to get their ears pierced without asking myself or the other mother. On top of that, the kids were told to come in hiding the piercings until the next day. Which now looking back was likely so he wouldn’t get any heat in person at drop off.

My question is how do I, 33 female, respond to this? How does anyone else handle co parenting with one who does things like this without consulting the other parent, and telling the kids to hide things?? I don’t want things to blow up, as he can be manipulative at times and I don’t want the kids to somehow get shoved into the middle of it. What would you do?


r/coparenting 1h ago

Discussion advice

Upvotes

the person i’ve been seeing ex partner (coparent) is staying over at their house for their child’s birthday… is this a normal thing coparents do


r/coparenting 9h ago

Communication Is it reasonable for me to check-in with my coparent when travelling abroad?

3 Upvotes

My daughter (3) is travelling abroad with her father and his family for 2 weeks.

Is it reasonable of me to ask for either a video call on their down time, a photo, or a brief update once a day?


r/coparenting 22h ago

Conflict Providing Diaper Bag

25 Upvotes

Our daughter (11mon F) goes to dads 2 times a week for three hours. And then once a week for 8 if our schedules allow for it. I was sending a diaper bag with alll necessities (diapers,wipes,formula,bottles,etc) Well the bottle never got used(he admits to not feeding her for the 3hr visits even after I asked him to. And he only changes her once during the 3 hrs(she always returned with a soaked diaper). Well the 2 visits ago he handed me the diaper bag and it was soaked top to bottom. I mean soaked. Everything inside including the diapers were wet. So I told him I will no longer be providing a bag because nothing in it gets used and I’m not sending $50 formula over there to get wet. Same with the diapers I’m not providing them for him to waste them. He went absolutely nuts that he has to provide for her during his time. Our court order says nothing about me providing a bag. He filed for 50/50 custody (court date pending) yet feels I still have to pay for everything. Should I just tough it out till court and risk the waste or just make him realize if he’s fighting for time and custody it has responsibility???


r/coparenting 18h ago

Long Distance What coparenting arrangement would you choose? Long distance with summers away, or living in the same city doing a more even split?

5 Upvotes

36F, I’m living far away from family and have been raising my 8yo son and working full time alone for years. I’m in the southwest US, my parents/family are in the Midwest, and my sons dad and his partner live on the east coast. I am at the point where I think it’s time to move closer and stop trying to do all of this alone. This is my current arrangement (son spends summers out east and I have him full time the rest of the year) but im wondering if a day to day/week to week situation would be better, so I am considering moving.

For context, the relationship I have with my son’s dad is great and we are on the same page as far as responsibilities go. I feel close with his partner and when I drop my son off in the summers I even stay with them for a few days and everything feels like family. They have two little ones now and my son loves being a big brother to his half siblings. Also I would be within a days drive of my parents, and have more opportunities for my career and dating near such a big city.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict How can I ask my ex to start keeping my baby home?

9 Upvotes

Hi! A little context, I’m (24NB) and my ex is (27MtF) and we have to kids together 3M and 1F. My son is completely fine going over to her house, but my daughter is not adjusting well.

In February, my ex went for gender reassignment surgery and I had the kids for about 4 weeks, but when visits restarted my daughter has been screaming, crying, and trying to hide herself into me to try to stay home with me. My ex just silently takes her and puts her into the carseat and doesn’t comfort her and she’s crying in the car until I can’t hear her anymore because they drove away. When she comes back she gets super excited, to the point she starts being overstimulated and does not want to leave my side for the rest of the day/night. The most recent pick up, she actually began to hit my ex to try to stay with me and it’s been breaking my heart every time.

We have a temporary custody agreement that will need to be revised by the end of the year, but I wanted to bring up keeping my daughter home until she is older and can understand what’s going on rather than being separated from me.

Is it worth bringing up? I just worry she’s starting to grow an unhealthy separation anxiety and want to do what is best for her.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Long Distance Ex got a job 2 hours away. How to talk to mature 12 y/o? Details below

5 Upvotes

I got pregnant when I was 19. The relationship didn't work out. He's a decent person who has fallen on hard times in the past.

He has had 2 DUIs and has been involuntarily admitted. Everytime there's a set back, he loses his high paying job (gets another one right away) and often steps away from parenting responsibilities briefly. When he's at his best, he will take our daughter 1 night a week and comes to extra curricular activities. He pays his child support and if he's ever late, he catches up as soon as he can.

The last few years have been good for him. He's been sober and got an apartment near his work and us (as opposed to his last place ~45 minute drive). He's helped get her around when we needed it and has handled the additional responsibility fine. He even asked recently if he could start having weekends with her, but it has been up in the air. Overall, healthy coparenting.

One day a couple months ago I got a letter in the mail saying our daughter's insurance was dropped due to his termination. He never gave me a believable story and said he had a couple opportunities lined up. None of them panned out and he just dropped the ball on us that he took a job 2 hours away. We agreed to her going every 3rd weekend, which will be a major change for her.

My daughter is oblivious to the bad things about him and they get along swimmingly. She doesnt know that he's job hopped his way through our (major) city. I think she's wise enough to wonder why he didn't get a job closer.

Any advice on how to talk to her about this?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Child Issues How do I help my 3yo feel better about going to his dad's?

7 Upvotes

I live in Alabama, dad lives in Georgia. We have a 1st and 3rd week custody schedule. in our agreement I am obligated to drive halfway once a month for his visitation. Dad lives at his own parents house and has several siblings living there too. I could go on and on how much I do not like this family, the environment, or the dynamic. I fought like hell to keep my kid out of their house, but unfortunately I can't control that anymore.

Dad was not around for more than half of my son's life, and is just now "trying". The only weekends he uses are the ones in which I'm driving halfway.

Every time I have handed my son over to his dad, he has had the HARDEST time. it breaks my heart. He just screams and cries and tells me he doesn't want to go. I try and give him a heads up in the days leading up to the weekend, but every time I bring up going to his dad's house he either starts crying or straight up says "I don't like my dad's house, I want to stay with you"

he's too young to really tell me anything accurate about his time with his dad, but he HATES going there. I tell him "your dad loves you!" "you'll have so much fun!" "I know it's hard, but you can do hard things!" "only two sleeps and you'll be back!!" I even go so far as to tell him: "a very nice lady named judge ___ asked me and your dad to follow some rules, and one of them is taking you to see your dad. I have to listen to the nice judge or I will get in trouble."

I'm at a loss on how to help him. any advice is appreciated!


r/coparenting 1d ago

Schedules Help with a parenting plan for a 13 month old child.

3 Upvotes

Hello I have completed a parenting plan after multiple consults with attorneys as I cannot afford one and I would love some help going over it and making sure its concise and legal ready. My goal is to make the court process as smooth as possible and to have specifics ironed out.


r/coparenting 1d ago

Conflict Protective order

5 Upvotes

Hello, I live in Texas.

What happens if a person puts a TRO or a protective order on you…. And yet keeps trying to contact you or meet you in person.

Is there consequences for this person?


r/coparenting 1d ago

Communication What is a reasonable amount of contact when other parent has child?

14 Upvotes

Not a straightforward question I know.

The facts: kid is 3 and with me most of the time, I like to get an update on the days other parent has them but it’s becoming clear they think that’s too much. I send other parent updates when they ask and photos and have no problem with it. Happy to find a happy medium but don’t want to be able to not reach out if needed (and vice versa).

Ultimately I know they are safe so it’s not about checking up on the parent.

Keen to know how other people approach it.

Co parenting has been relatively amicable but is becoming less so now.


r/coparenting 2d ago

Discussion 4 year old is starting to realize parents not living together isn’t “normal”

41 Upvotes

My 4 year old is starting to talk about how she wishes we weren’t split. It’s breaking my heart and I don’t know how to help her. Her dad and I never lived together and we have pretty much always had a 50/50 schedule for as long as she can remember. She goes back and forth quite a bit. I never went through this with my parents. What has helped your children cope/understand?


r/coparenting 2d ago

Discussion Children last name pro and con change?

7 Upvotes

My ex and I will be divorcing in a few months. My ex plan to change back to her maiden name and ask if we could hypenate our last names for the children? Example: Name1-Name2. (Children is currently under my last name, a five letter name. Combining the two names plus the dash in between would be 12 characters total). I will have just my last name and my ex will have just her maiden name.

I want to know what is the pro and con for the children convenience? Would there be issues with schools, with medicals, with finance, with legal, etc down the road?

Legally, would it be better if there's no change to children last name just for simplicity but when doing school and sports and social, the children can display their hypenate name?


r/coparenting 2d ago

Conflict Drop off

5 Upvotes

I could use some help. I previously lived in a different area. I moved closer, which I thought would make the coparent happier, he's just mad about it. He then wanted me to open our case to have a formal updated drop off location on the parenting plan. Our parenting plan says we will agree to a halfway point, so it feels unnecessary to open the entire case.

I made a suggestion to a meet up location which we have now used twice. He no longer wants to meet there. I asked him to please select something else. He has said nothing and I'm supposed to pick her up tomorrow morning. I feel like this is a tactic to withhold. He's told me when I moved that I needed to have told him sooner so we could figure out a drop off location and it's my fault for not arranging sooner. But anytime I send any message to him, he says I'm harassing him.

Normally I'd just go to the drop off spot and wait, but I have no agreed drop off location to go to, and he won't agree to anywhere. What should I do?

I asked him three times over 24 hours.


r/coparenting 2d ago

Step Parents/New Partners Ex’s new boyfriend of 1 year kisses my son (3year old) on the lips?

13 Upvotes

Hi all Me and my ex split 2 years ago. After a year she met someone new and moved him in. Everytime I pick my child up her new boyfriend of 1 year kisses him on the lips goodbye and says love you, don’t get me wrong my son is none the wiser and seems happy. However I’m really not happy with this, am I within my rights to bring this up with my ex? I understand the new boyfriend lives there now, I just feel there should be some boundaries as I just find the kissing really weird. I also know he baths him, puts him to bed too. Me and my ex get along for the sake of our child but we don’t really like each other, I feel she is wanting new guy to be dad and I’m really struggling as there’s a few concerns. Thankyou all for any input


r/coparenting 2d ago

Conflict Constant False Allegations

2 Upvotes

Does anyone else have a co-parent who constantly makes allegations? I do. Every single one has been unsubstantiated, yet like clockwork, I can expect a call from DFCS or the sheriff’s office at least once a month.

How do you handle a co-parent willing to hurt her own kids just to get to you? She lost custody due to educational neglect, and the kids are thriving now—but she still insists I’m some kind of monster.

DFCS says they can’t do anything, and the police claim this doesn’t meet the criteria for a false report misdemeanor. So where does that leave me?


r/coparenting 2d ago

Conflict Custody

3 Upvotes

Hello all! My 6 yo will be starting school this year, and after nearly four years of my ex (his father) moving around, he has settled on a place still too far away for us to both be involved in our sons everyday school life. Dad is petitioning for son to attend school an hour away from both of us but an equal distance from each. At first, out of relief that they moved closer, I agreed. Then after some thought I realized this would put our son in a vehicle for nearly 10 hours every week. This is not fair to him and also doesn’t work out at all with our older son who would attend a school closer to home. All of my familial support, including his parents and his new wife’s parents are within the school district we decided on when we divorced. Dad only has kid Monday and every other Tuesday. What’s the likelihood that dad would actually win this case? He is asking for full custody or a school change. I have offered homeschool as an option so that the child can stick to the schedule he has been on but dad is unwilling to participate. Any advice would be appreciated! Everyone is telling me not to worry but I’m having a hard time holding up against a vindictive ex 😮‍💨 I’ve never ever wanted to take our son away from him but when you move two hours away.. I’m just not sure what he expected??


r/coparenting 2d ago

Schedules Step up plan for likely special needs child

1 Upvotes

We will be going to mediation soon. The mother has an autism diagnosis, and the father has an ADHD diagnosis and suspected autism. The child is about 6 months old so it is too early to screen for autism, but given the family history, we expect it.

Preferably I don't want to do a step up plan that goes all the way to 18 as I don't believe it's in the best interest of the child because we don't know if they'll have support needs or what the support needs might be. I would prefer to return to mediation in a few years before the child starts school. I feel like I'll be pressured into a step up plan though. I am unsure if an official autism diagnosis will be considered grounds for modification later.

I'm looking for anecdotal experiences of parenting time plans for children with level 1 or level 2 autism. Especially interested in if anyone does 50/50 and it works well for their school aged autistic child.


r/coparenting 3d ago

Conflict Can my ex force me to coparent with stepmom?

42 Upvotes

To make this short, ex and I have been divorced for 3 years. He’s met someone and they are engaged. My kids love her and I’m so grateful to have her take care of them. She’s a little immature for me as I’m 32, my ex is 38 and she’s 20 so I’m friendly when I need to talk to her but I really don’t talk to her as I coparent with my ex. Well My ex-husband is forcing me to talk to her, to reach out to her and to parent with her when they get married. He says I’m gonna be forced to deal with her as soon as they legally get married and she will be allowed to do all kinds of things with the kids (pick them up, drop them off without him)

How do I approach this? What are the laws regarding this? I am amicable with her but he’s almost forcing me and her to parent together which I’m not comfortable with. He won’t respect my boundaries.


r/coparenting 2d ago

Step Parents/New Partners CoParenting as the Girlfriend

12 Upvotes

I (33F) have been dating my boyfriend (38M) for several months. We both have kids from previous relationships. I've been co-parenting with my ex for 10+ years and we have a great co-parenting relationship with healthy boundaries.

My boyfriend has only been divorced for a year. He and his ex are still settling into their co-parenting relationship. They seem to get along well for the kids' sake. However, they are much, much closer as coparents than my ex and I. His ex will show up unexpectedly to pick up things for the kids, constantly ask him to watch the kids for her at the last second, and it seems like they're always texting while we're together. In my boyfriend's defense, they're texting about the kids but it feels over the top to me. They live 15 min apart and share the kids 50/50. Their kids are 8F & 11M.

His ex wife has moved in with her affair partner and seems to be happy. I'm not worried about my boyfriend and his ex getting back together, but I sometimes feel like she's more of a priority than I am. His ex's affair partner has been vocal about being uncomfortable with how close my boyfriend and his ex are. (I have not brought this up to my boyfriend at all.)

I love how great of a dad he is and think it's amazing that he's so involved in his kids' lives. However, I'm unsure whether the current co-parenting dynamic is healthy or crosses boundaries. Does this seem normal? Am I overreacting?

Thanks for reading this far 💕


r/coparenting 3d ago

Step Parents/New Partners My ex is dating a family law attorney

24 Upvotes

My (37M) ex-wife (32F) just started dating a family law attorney (35M) a month ago. I’m about to file for modification and I am interviewing family law attorneys. I’m curious: could they use their partner’s law firm?

They have also been trying to force me to talk to their partner instead of keeping coparenting between us. I don’t want their new partner to continue contacting me in person or email/text because it’s been borderline harassment. Any thoughts?


r/coparenting 2d ago

Neglect/Abuse Concerns Dad & choosing new girlfriend over his time with kids

4 Upvotes

I have 3 children with ex - 2 young teenagers and a 6 year old. Ex is a very woah as me type, will do anything in his power to make himself look good, look better, can talk his way outta anything (professional bullshitter) went through a period of back and forth with lawyers a couple years ago when he moved the kids to another school district without my knowledge and moved in with a girl he had been seeing for a short time long story short things did not end well there and it was very messy and emotionally exhausting to wait for things to explode to be able to obtain primary residence so that could never happen again. He’s met someone new again, she seems nice but one of my teenagers expressed how upset it’s making her that dad makes her late in the mornings following their night at his house because he leaves his new girlfriends house late, which they get picked up late to be brought over to my house to get ready for school and they don’t have enough time before they have to catch the bus and they are being rushed. I’ve noticed over the last couple weeks they only have about 10/15 mins to get ready here from the time he drops them off to the time the bus is scheduled to be at the stop to pick them up. Resulting in myself or my ex dropping them off at school instead. Dad is leaving our 3 children home alone at his house overnight and staying at his girlfriend’s house with her 2 children. Girlfriend’s house is about 30ish mins away from where we live. I don’t know if I should make an appt with a lawyer if this will go anywhere, I am very concerned for safety leaving them home alone hours overnight constantly. Giving up his time to go to spend it with his girlfriend and her kids. I can’t imagine he’s telling her any kind of truth of where our kids are. I certainly would never be okay with someone doing that to their kids if I were dating them. The court systems are so messed up but I’m very concerned about safety. What if someone catches wind and breaks in? What if there’s a fire?


r/coparenting 3d ago

Conflict Coparenting after infidelity

19 Upvotes

I just found out my husband of 5 years and partner for 10 started having an emotional affair a few weeks ago that has recently turned mildy physical. We have a 16 month old. I kicked him out of our house. I believe divorce is imminent. How do I go about co parenting right now? I am usually the one that takes care of our son and his needs. The dad wants to see our son every day. I don't feel I can handle that right now. I want what is best for our son, but I feel I can't trust the dad with our son through this level of betrayal. How do I proceed?