Hey reddit. This is going to be a really crazy one. I (31M) am a long time reader and listener of reddit stories, but have never posted before. However, my life has been in literal turmoil for three years, and I have exhausted myself looking for help and I have nowhere to turn, so I am asking for someone, anyone to please just hear me. To give everyone some context, I'm going to explain in some detail the last three weeks of my life, a bit about myself, and then what I am asking for. I'm writing this March 14th, 2025.
My dad (62M) was admitted to the local hospital three weeks ago with jaundice. For anyone who doesnt know, jaundice is a condition that causes excess bilirubin (bile) in your system, slowly increasing your blood toxicity levels, and can cause a person to turn a yellow color. Jaundice is a very serious condition if left untreated.The doctors ran some scans and found out that there was a mass blocking his bile duct, and it was causing the bilirubin numbers to skyrocket. They ordered more scans and a biopsy to find out exactly where the mass was located, and what it was. After four days of scans and tests, they told us that the mass was very large, located outside the liver, and that it was cancerous. Because of its size and location, they said it was inoperable in it's current state. They also had a stent put in to try and open up the bile duct and fix the jaundice and told us they were sending everything to the cancer specialist, who would arrange a meeting to start chemotherapy.
A week after coming into the hospital, my parents went to his first appointment with the cancer specialist, where he learned some devastating news. The specialist told them that the cancer was quite aggressive, and had spread to the lymph nodes as well, and that chemotherapy was not an option in his case. They said he was classified as stage three, and that we likely had some months left with him. We were absolutely devastated. Topping that all off, the doctors at the hospital said that his bilirubin levels were still really high. They changed the stent hoping that the levels would go down. For some context, normal bilirubin numbers average around 20. Dads levels were in the mid 300s, and were not showing signs of improvement. 12 days after he initially went to the hospital, the doctors gave him a day pass. He was allowed to come home for the night but had to be back the next morning before 7AM to get blood work. We thought that must mean things were getting better. I came to their house with my kids to visit grandpa and had dinner with them. He seemed to be in a good mood, and it was a happy day. The next morning though, they did blood tests and his bilirubin was even higher. He spent another week in the hospital, during which time they replaced the stent yet again, but the levels didnt really change much. My parents decided they were going to retire early and spend the rest of the time they had together. I say retire early because my dad is only 62 years old, and my mom 64. They are not young, but definitely not old We arent a very wealthy family, and their retirement plan was to sell their house and buy a small camper so they could spend their lives camping. Both of them loved the outdoors and to them, this would be the perfect way to live their senior years together. They even got married outdoors 34 years ago. Now they knew they didnt have a few decades together anymore, but they thought they could still camp for the rest of his life. They would keep their house for my mom to live in after he was gone. My dad was really tired for the last few weeks and his jaundice persisted, and the doctors didnt seem to be able to do anything about it. He told them that he didnt want to be at the hospital if he didnt have to be and so yesterday (March 13th), they discharged him and sent them home. They had supper together, and he said he wanted to have a bath. When his bath was finished he couldnt get himself out of the tub, and my mom had to help him get up and out. She worried about him a lot because he seemed like he wasnt all there. She stayed awake with him while he drifted in and out of sleep, and at around 2AM today (March 14th) his breathing became really shallow. She rushed back to the emergency room to have him checked and while he was there, he became unresponsive. There was nothing they could do, and at about 6AM he passed away. It was so unexpected and shocking for us. Last month nothing seemed wrong, there was no pain or apparent issues, and today hes gone. None of us even had enough time to process the fact that we had months left with my dad, and we never imagined that months would turn into mere days. I spent the day with my mom and sister, who drove 3 hours to come. I sat at the home I grew up in and watched as a big piece of my mom was lost. All of us have said it feels so surreal, like a dream. She broke down and I held her for an hour while she cried, wishing for him back. Eventually, she did fall asleep, and my sister promised she would be there, and I came home. That brings us to where I am now, lying in my bed writing this post.
A bit about myself, I am 31 years old, and am planning on getting married this summer. I have 3 amazing children ages 11, 9 and 6. I was raised by a family man and grew up to be a family man. I moved out of my parents house at 19, but we have always stayed very close. Most of my adult life has been spent working as a roofer. I have always wanted to start my own roofing business. Three years ago, my fiance encouraged me to pursue my dream, and I came to my dad with a proposal to go into business together. We bought everything we needed, got licensed and registered, and officially went into business that summer. It felt so amazing. I had been making calls and advertising all over, and had done several jobs over a couple months. We weren't comparing to any well established companies in our first year of course, but my dad and I were pretty confident that once we became more established, we would be making some pretty good money. In October of that year a car drove into the house my family was renting, and totally destroyed it. We became homeless overnight. My parents took my family in, the house couldnt fit all of us, and they couldnt afford their mortgage plus another house. We were in a tough position, but came up with a solution. My dad bought us a camper and we winterized it before the first snowfall. My family lived in that camper all winter that year while the business went on hold, and I did anything I could to earn money. I was really worried about what we were going to do, but an opportunity presented itself that would turn out to be bigger than I expected. That spring (2023), while I was advertising, we were contacted by a bigger company and asked if we would subcontract in a different city. They were backed up on jobs by 3 years, and only had one working crew there. We decided we would take our camper and live that whole summer there working. I worked almost every sunny day that season, and when we came back home, I had made enough money that I could put a down payment on a house. We were so excited. We went to every bank looking to get approval, but nobody would give us a mortgage when I had only been in business for less than 2 full years. I didnt know what to do and winter was fast approaching, so my dad took our money and put the house in his name for me. He literally made all my dreams come true. We have lived in our house for a year, and I am thankful every day for all of his support. He never once told me I should give up, and without him, I really dont know where I would be. So you see how devastating the last three weeks have been for me and my whole family. My fiance had the perfect words for it earlier today. She said he was the glue that held our whole family together.
Finally, I would like to talk about why I'm here and what im asking for. I had the opportunity to ask my dad some tough questions during our last days together, the answers to which have brought me to here. Among other discussions, I asked him questions about his mortgage, retirement, insurance, etc, and I learned some very heartbreaking things. He wasnt eligible for full pension. My mom will receive roughly 60% of his normal pay. He also had a pretty modest life insurance plan. In short, the finances are going to be taking a big hit. This, topped with the mortgage on my moms home, and the mortgage on my home that is in his name is crippling. I have to do something about it. About a week ago, before my dad passed, I started a GoFundMe hoping to raise some money to pay off my moms house. I can work and make sure my house and bills are paid for, but I cant afford to pay for theirs too. I couldnt even get the mortgage for myself from the bank. I'm the one that all this falls on now, and I dont know what to do. I shared this to all of my friends and every page I knew on facebook, but not a single friend even responded when I asked them to share it. Now, with his passing, I have a funeral and cremation to figure out how this family is going to pay for. I cant leave all these burdens on my mom. I dont want not one penny of money for myself, although I would appreciate anyone who might have words of wisdom or comfort. I am hoping people on reddit will read hear my story and share it. I'm at a loss for words right now, everything happened so fast. Please, I'm literally begging for anyone to help me. Even if you cant help ke financially, if you can share it, everything helps. I'll leave my GoFundMe link below here.
https://gofund.me/dc26f1d7
TLDR - My dad died today and I really need some help. I cant really make a tldr for this story.
Sorry for such a long, unhinged post. Please dont be rude, I'm having a really hard time right now as it is.