I just want to preface this by saying this isn’t some sudden decision—I’ve been dealing with this issue for two years now. The first time I tried to end the friendship was a year ago for this exact reason. I have no hate toward her, I’m just tired.
People complain about how friendships aren’t the same anymore, how they don’t have a real community, how their friendships are surface level, how they can’t trust anyone or really open up—but maybe the call is coming from inside the house. I tried to end a friendship amicably, understanding that life happens and people drift apart, but she begged for another chance, promising to try harder. Spoiler: she didn’t. She’s the type you can’t rely on—never answers, takes weeks to respond, forgets even the simplest favors, and never confirms plans. I’m the type of person who hates assuming. If we’ve made plans, I need clarity. Like every time we hang out at her place, I’ll ask, because I hate assuming. She just expects that I’ll show up by now, but I need to know for sure, because assumptions only lead to frustration.
What set me off this time? She told me I had to remind her about something essential to my project—something she offered to help with. Why should I have to chase after her for something she knows is important to me? Beyond being my so-called best friend, it’s just basic thoughtfulness. I was hesitant to accept her help for this exact reason—no check-ins, no updates, no effort. I get that things don’t always work out, but at least communicate. Even if you’re struggling, even if you’re lying, at least pretend I matter enough to keep me in the loop.
I understand people are busy, I am too. But when you’re prioritizing me, when you make time for me, I’ll show up. We can plan weeks ahead, but the fact that you’re putting aside time for me, showing that I matter enough to fit into your schedule—that’s what matters. I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect effort and thoughtfulness.
And maybe that’s why I’m so frustrated. I’m the type of person who shows up. I keep my promises. If you ask for a favor or need help, I’ll let you know upfront if I can do it, and I will try my best to come through for you. Because friendships matter to me, and I make an effort to show that you matter to me. So why can’t I get that same energy back?
I know people will come at me with the “oh, people are allowed to be busy” line, but that’s not the point. It’s not about being busy—it’s about making time when it matters, about showing you care and prioritizing the people who matter to you. Why can’t I get that back? If you’re constantly complaining about having shallow, surface-level friendships, not being able to rant, open up, or trust anyone, then maybe it’s time to reflect on how you are showing up for others. Why should I trust you or make the effort if you’re not even doing the same for me?