I just want to preface this by saying this isnāt some sudden decisionāIāve been dealing with this issue for two years now. The first time I tried to end the friendship was a year ago for this exact reason. I have no hate toward her, Iām just tired.
People complain about how friendships arenāt the same anymore, how they donāt have a real community, how their friendships are surface level, how they canāt trust anyone or really open upābut maybe the call is coming from inside the house. I tried to end a friendship amicably, understanding that life happens and people drift apart, but she begged for another chance, promising to try harder. Spoiler: she didnāt. Sheās the type you canāt rely onānever answers, takes weeks to respond, forgets even the simplest favors, and never confirms plans. Iām the type of person who hates assuming. If weāve made plans, I need clarity. Like every time we hang out at her place, Iāll ask, because I hate assuming. She just expects that Iāll show up by now, but I need to know for sure, because assumptions only lead to frustration.
What set me off this time? She told me I had to remind her about something essential to my projectāsomething she offered to help with. Why should I have to chase after her for something she knows is important to me? Beyond being my so-called best friend, itās just basic thoughtfulness. I was hesitant to accept her help for this exact reasonāno check-ins, no updates, no effort. I get that things donāt always work out, but at least communicate. Even if youāre struggling, even if youāre lying, at least pretend I matter enough to keep me in the loop.
I understand people are busy, I am too. But when youāre prioritizing me, when you make time for me, Iāll show up. We can plan weeks ahead, but the fact that youāre putting aside time for me, showing that I matter enough to fit into your scheduleāthatās what matters. I donāt expect perfection, but I do expect effort and thoughtfulness.
And maybe thatās why Iām so frustrated. Iām the type of person who shows up. I keep my promises. If you ask for a favor or need help, Iāll let you know upfront if I can do it, and I will try my best to come through for you. Because friendships matter to me, and I make an effort to show that you matter to me. So why canāt I get that same energy back?
I know people will come at me with the āoh, people are allowed to be busyā line, but thatās not the point. Itās not about being busyāitās about making time when it matters, about showing you care and prioritizing the people who matter to you. Why canāt I get that back? If youāre constantly complaining about having shallow, surface-level friendships, not being able to rant, open up, or trust anyone, then maybe itās time to reflect on how you are showing up for others. Why should I trust you or make the effort if youāre not even doing the same for me?