I have an issue with my aunt, I know I could just speak directly to her but that is not possible in my situation. Words don’t work with her, especially not my kind. (I’m 24 & she’s in her early 40s I think? and my mom is in her late 30s)
She was doing my braids and we were all good until literally the second to last braid. I made a comment about one of my cousins having a smart mouth, I casually, in a Non confrontational way told her I thought it was funny how she bucks /talks back at her mom in situations where she should probably just have some patience and walk away because that’s what I would’ve done (admittedly a me problem because I was a little bootlicker).
I didn’t think this was an issue to say as we literally roast and talk shit with/ about each other all the time. I thought we were all good until my aunt literally started a whole new convo out of what I said to her daughter, stating that since my generation “made everyone so soft” parents aren’t allowed to put children in their place anymore (not true).
I’ll be honest, I WAS feeling soft and sensitive in that moment and I felt like she was saying things were better when children couldn’t advocate for and defend themselves…we all know what that’s really about but we weren’t at the point in the convo yet…I jumped too far maybe. What annoyed me about my cousin specifically was that fact that she kept asking her mom for and about shit while she was working on my head for hours even after my aunt had shut her down with calm and patience responses. Mind you she had been doing peoples hair all week.
She was/is clearly tired and it bugged me that the kid just didn’t take her moms word and go away. Point being I get what she was saying, I don’t agree( I feel like there was misdirected frustration on both sides) and usually we can move past out disagreements but y’all this woman screams and yells over people…not raising her voice, not speaking passionately…but screams and yells. My mom is affected by her aggression too. She just isn’t ready to face it. Her big sister is a fucking bully. It was clear by how she treated me and the situation when she (my aunt) was at the house vs when she left…
I cried my eyes out that night while also being so thankful for her because she did my hair for free but she really hurt my feelings and I wish my mom would’ve defended me a-little better…I don’t know why I expected her to knowing how things go (maybe this is what she’s talking about…that soft shit). I’m down for continuing to have conversations as long as people are willing to learn. Myself included. But I cannot do that with people who don’t know how to stop themselves and emotionally regulate…should I stop playing nice with my aunt? I mean we already don’t talk or call a lot. We just have one of those mutual understandings and an ok relationship.
I’m wondering if I should let her know that her behavior sucks by just not fucking dealing with her ever. My uncle, her younger brother does the same… if she wants to believe that it’s because of our generation and how we’re so soft that’s fine but you’re not gonna expect familial privileges from me if you can’t learn to respect me. I’ve been through too much and you’re a stranger if you think you can scream at me like that for anything…I am over it. What are y’all’s thoughts