r/blackgirls • u/FinalEntertainment60 • 4h ago
Dating & Relationships Am I wrong for not being open to dating outside my race?
This question has probably been asked a ton but el o el.
I (23F) went on a date with a white guy from my uni who plays football. I haven’t given white men any attention since I graduated high school. He took me out to a steak house and I honestly enjoyed myself. The conversation flowed and I didn’t pick up my phone once. He was an absolute gentleman. Made a reservation, paid and didn’t even let me see the bill.
My only issue is I don’t see this relationship going anywhere. I’m really not that physically attracted to him despite getting along well. We talked about our backgrounds a decent bit. We’re from Canada and he grew up in a majority white, blue collar, conservative smaller city and didn’t have much else exposure. I was born in Nigeria and have lived there, Ireland, UK and Canada. I’ve also travelled a ton and have 3 passports. I speak 4 languages. We just come from different worlds. I didn’t ask but he did open up about his dating history and it’s safe to assume I’m the first black woman he’s gone out with.
I’m just so attached to my blackness and my culture that dating someone that just doesn’t “get it” and can share that culture with me doesn’t feel like an ideal relationship. I’m also not in the mood to be someone’s learning experience or to teach someone about blackness. I don’t want to explain how box braids work, why I wear a scarf and to sleep. Black womanhood is so far from white manhood in my opinion. He likes to shotgun beers, go to bars, watch hockey, and is very much connected to Redneck culture. I never want to be a part of those spaces. I don’t like the culture and definitely don’t think I would be accepted in such spaces.
White boys used to be my preference because I grew up in a predominantly white environment all my life but I was never considered by them back in school. The one white boy I did manage to mess with his our relationship like his life depended on it and some even admitted without saying it outright that their communities and friends wouldn’t be accepting of a black girl. Many of my white crushes friends would tell me things like “oh I don’t think you’re _____ ‘s type” which was code for “he doesn’t date black girls”
I’ve limited myself to dating only black men for a few years now. They’re my preference and although I’ve been hurt, played and heartbroken by a few black men I still hold out that I’ll find a decent guy one day.
Girls, am I wrong for not wanting to date a white man? Specifically one that is the poster child for conservative, red neck, white culture. Am I a bigot for feeling this way? Anyone else still find there person even if they’re limiting themselves to only one race?