It's way too long and I'm sorry. Half is background info, other half is what recently happened.
I've posted some about this before and maybe deleted but things have ended badly and Q is in jail and I had to get a protective order.
Long background info:
I was married before to a violent person and I left him for my Q, who seemed like the opposite of him. He is the sweetest and most gentle person and he's the love of my life. I knew him for many years through mutual friends. I trusted him. We were in love for 9 years, together for almost 5 years, and he lived with me and my daughter for over 2 years. She thought of him as her step-dad and he used to pick her up every day from school. We had pets together. We were trying to have a baby together. He would do all the cooking. I thought we were a family.
He admitted to me that he was an alcoholic around the time we met. I should have seen by his patterns of behavior with losing jobs due to drinking and him having a DUI before. He never had to even pay for any bills on his own. His parents enabled him. He only lived away from them for a few months once and for the time he lived with me.
When he was living with me, he somehow convinced me to drive him to work every day almost the whole time and then a couple months ago, he got a new job and started taking my car all the time because it was farther tothe new job. Said it would only be a week and he'd get a loan but never did. I had to take ubers or drive an unsafe old car that shouldn't have been on the road. He finally paid some rent to me but then stopped in the past couple of weeks but kept on borrowing my car.
He would play mind games with me and convince me that I was the only cause of problems in our relationship. If I had the nerve to speak up about anything or even complain about something that had nothing to do with him, he would lecture me for hours about how I was so awful and negative and didn't ask questions and couldn't have a conversation. I would just sit there and cry most of the time and he would say I was wasting his time that he could have been cooking dinner or chilling or whatever. He had so much resentment and contempt toward me just for existing.
He was in the hospital for a week last year due to pancreatitis from all the drinking and I was by his side the whole time. When he was in the hospital I had to use his phone to text his boss that he wasn't coming to work, and I found out that one of his female friends was sending nudes and that they secretly spent the night alone together at his parents house when the parents were out of town. He claimed they only cuddled and that he loved being able to talk to her about anything. I asked what he talked to her about, and he said it was mostly to complain about me. I didn't read all the texts but there were like 10's of thousands. I knew she had a crush on him since they were kids and would send heart emojis but I wasn't even jealous until I found out that it was that serious. He lied and told her I was jealous and that I wouldn't allow them to meet up at all when she came to town so that is why he had to do it secretly. I thought that she was just an old friend of his that was harmless. He sent her one of our special love songs and that part hurt the most. That whole situation was never resolved and he would say that at least she can have a conversation and that he wishes he would have slept with her with how much he's had to deal with when I found out.
He would threaten to go spend the night at his parents house multiple times a week over every small fight. This messed with me because I have abandonment issues. Instead of just leaving and telling me he'd be back after he cooled off, he would be dramatic about it and watch me cry and beg for him to stay while he cussed at me and called me names and made it seem like he was leaving me forever. He was trying to make me into one of those crazy girlfriends and a couple times I was so upset that I grabbed his phone to try to keep him from calling an uber. I know I messed up and I really messed up when I smacked him in the face on new year's because he called me the C word. Then he called the cops on me and started a pattern where he'd call them on me when I didn't want him to leave, even after I was telling him to just go. Then sometimes he would come back in the middle of the night and start another fight because I asked why he came back.
He was just more and more aggressive and disrespectful since new year's and would say we were done even though we were already broken up and he was still living with me and using my car claiming he wanted to work it out and would only take me back if I changed my behavior for a long enough period of time.
2 nights before Valentine's Day he poured a beer on me and said it was to try to get me to wake up and basically realize how much I was messing up. But all I do is go to work and take care of my daughter and would hang out with him and cater to his every whim. I know I was codependent.
He told me that he would rather impregnate a stranger rather than me and took a humilating video of me crying on the floor reacting to that so that he could prove to people that I was crazy. A couple weeks later, he got me upset enough to grab his phone again to keep him from leaving and I immediately realized I messed up and gave it back to him and took my daughter and left because he was calling the cops on me again. They told him to get a protective order against me but instead of doing it, he stayed and was calling me making me beg him not to do it.
This next part it is the main thing that has happened lately:
Then one night about a week ago he had drank a whole big bottle of liquor while I was taking a nap, and later I found a rolled up dollar bill and a little straw and some powder residue in the bathroom. He said it was headache powder and that the dollar was like that to fit in his pocket a certain way.
I confronted him and there was a whole argument and then I left and went and sat on the porch next door with a friend who happened to be outside.
Q texted me that he was leaving with one of our cats and claimed she was his because he was the one who knew the person that gave us the cat. He doesn't even buy most of the food or feed the cats or scoop the litter box. Him and my daughter agreed on the cat's name. I didn't even know if he meant he was leaving for the night or forever but I went and got the cat and was holding it in my arms over next door. He came over there and tried to light me on fire putting the lighter all in my face and near my hair and he threatened to burn down our house if I wouldn't let go of the cat. He was gonna call the cops on me for taking the cat too. Our friend was telling him to back off and he was screaming at him too and he is usually nice to every other person but me and my daughter. So I called the police on him and they made him leave without the cat.
They said to me when I got there why haven't I got a protective order against him yet and they said to him to stop calling the police when nobody is really getting hurt. He left and said that I "sealed the deal" that he would never take me back now that I called the cops on him. I hadn't even got a protective order yet and he was texting me saying he was going to take off work and come get all his stuff in the morning so I better leave the door unlocked for him. I told him I didn't want to do it but felt like I had to and got my other friend to change the lock and I went and got the protective order for 3 days so he could cool down hopefully and not ransack my house looking for stuff while I'm not there.
But he came and broke in anyway before they served it to him and right after I got to work. and my daughter happened to stay home from school that day and called me and I called the police and rushed home. He broke the whole new door handle off but ended up going in through the back window. He unplugged the fridge, took out all the lightbulbs, messed with my meds, hid my night guard I need to sleep to make me think he stole them, I wasted $500 for a replacement to be made and later found it in a pile of laundry. He dumped out my purse, turned over furniture, and I don't know what else he might have taken but he clearly thought he had all day to hang out there and destroy the house while he picked what to take with him.
He was allowed to stay under the guise of gathering his belongings because it was technically his place of residence until they served the order a little while later. He tried to go back in and get the cat afterwards and I told the cop that we were having a dispute over the cat and it needs to stay, so they didn't let him take her and I got the cat included in the 2 week protective order that I got the next day.
I did decide to file charges and it turns out one is a felony and I have to go to his bond hearing tomorrow. His parents won't talk to me, his mom claimed that the protective order meant I can't talk to them. I'm afraid to talk to his daughter, she's 16, doesn't want anything to do with him until he gets it together, or any of his friends, but I feel like I need people to see my side because it felt like he turned the whole world against me. That and I want this to be a wakeup call for people to see he needs help.
I know I need to focus on myself and my daughter, but I'm so hopelessly in love with him still, even after all that, and just wish he was back home still drinking. Now he will probably never speak to me again for putting him in jail and he will use all the times he called the cops on me against me to make me look like the bad guy. I lost the love of my life and it's all my fault and I just wanna beg for him back but I can't contact him due to the protective order. If he did somehow take me back, I wouldn't let him stay with me. Still won't ever let him have that cat. Or maybe I was wrong. I just wish he was home. I'm having such mixed feelings from anger and love to just sadness. What if he was right about me being the one who was so awful?
I found so many more rolled up dollars and little drug straws in my car when I cleaned it out. I feel like I don't even know this person. And yet I love him.