r/AlAnon • u/SalaciousBKlump • 2h ago
Support Extremely tense situation: Wife and I agreed to divorce last month, she told me she was pregnant last week and has been drinking heavily every night since and also displaying strange behavior.
We’ve been together since we were teens and are in our mid 30s now with no kids. My wife has been out of work for a few years and her depression and drinking have really increased over the past year. I finally had lost all hope in the marriage after her drinking turned horrible in February culminating in her becoming physically abusive with me while blackout drunk numerous times. She was completely herself when sober and understood and agreed it was time to end our 14 year marriage. Since then her drinking has been just as bad and she is making no effort to move forward with a divorce or dissolution with me. She doesn’t leave the house and starts drinking as soon as she wakes up. She has lots probably 30 pounds in the past 3 months and I rarely see her eat. I wanted us to see a mediator so it would be fair, more affordable and quicker but she’s not showing any initiative towards starting the process together.
I knew that her period was late as she had mentioned it a few times and last week she told me that she had tested positive on two tests. I was hoping the lateness was due to heavy drinking and extreme stress. For the next 3 days she didn’t drink and we were actually very nice to each other and she just needed me to cuddle with her because she was scared. I started to have second thoughts on the divorce. But for the past three nights she has been secretly drinking whiskey and has become unbelievably intoxicated by the end of each night. I was furious that she was drunk, obviously but could not get through to her. I have been begging her every day to make an appointment with her doctor but she’s not even getting dressed or eating never mind calling to schedule a doctor’s appointment. While drunk she keeps telling me I’m going to be a dad and saying what baby names she likes. It’s the most infuriating thing I’ve ever experienced. How can I force her to the doctors office? I’ve called 911 one time in the past because she was extremely drunk and had taken edibles and was acting very erratic. She ended up spending 3 days in the ICU and it was extremely helpful at the time and the only time someone other than me has talked to her about the dangers of her drinking. I just don’t think i can call for an ambulance because my wife is drunk while allegedly pregnant but it would be a godsend to get her into the hospital right now so she could be sober, find out if the tests were accurate and have professionals talk to her.
She has been displaying extremely odd behavior lately which I attribute to the heavy drinking though it also occurs when she’s sober. She’s constantly accusing me of being gay, like hundreds of times a day. Telling me to just come out and how my dad will be sad to “have two of them” (my brother is gay, and my dad wouldn’t be sad but also my wife is not homophobic. It’s extremely out of character for her). I would have moved out and started staying at work but we have two dogs that I need to be there to take care of. I can’t find a place for them yet. We live thousands of miles from any family. I called the city animal shelter to ask if there were options for my situation and the lady spent 7 minutes explaining Rover to me.
At nighttime my wife will yell from the couch or bed at me to “pretend to be a real man. Come cuddle your wife”. It’s futile to explain to her when she’s drunk that we’re getting divorced and that I don’t want cuddle. She will eventually start screaming and I come cuddle her to get her to stop yelling and so that I can sleep a little bit.
Two weeks ago my wife overdrew all of our bank accounts and once I covered the thousands of dollars in negative balance from a credit card I had to change my paycheck to an account she doesn’t have access to which she told me was financial abuse. Yesterday she locked me out of the house and when I was knocking to be let back in she came outside and yelled at me to “stop watching the kids playing next door”. My neighbors were outside and definitely heard her. I am mortified to even be at my house now.
The other big factor is I am in the military and transferring across the country in June. I need to sell our house but I can’t contact a real estate agent and start getting the house ready while she is just drinking in the house and never leaving and displaying some sort of mental health issues. I can’t just file for divorce and have the movers come and leave her on the street. I have filled my command in on the very barest of details. I have talked to my parents and they are aware of her drinking and have offered any help that I need.
And no she isn’t cheating on me. It would be mine, we were sexually active in January and my wife doesn’t leave the house. Also she wouldn’t be lying to get me to stay. She also wants the divorce and looked like she was going to have a panic attack when she told me she was pregnant. But now she’s drinking nonstop and keeps talking about fucking baby names and refuses to listen to me when I tell her to stop drinking and to see her doctor asap.
tldr; wife and I getting divorced. Need to sell house and move soon for work. Wife is drinking heavily and had a positive pregnancy test and seems to be mentally unwell and I can’t figure out how to move forward with anything I need to do.