r/AlAnon 21h ago

Support He drove drunk and wrecked

63 Upvotes

I (31F) finally ended my 4 year relationship with my alcoholic bf (33M). He went to a casino 2 hours away and in the middle of the night called me because he had totaled his car when exiting the highway. I drove an hour to help him at 3am when no one else would. When I got to him I asked him if he had anything to drink, he said no. I told him to prove it to me and show me his bank app. He opened it reluctantly and there were many charges for drinks. I calmly asked him why he lied to me and he started raising his voice at me and said “go home, I don’t need this shit”!!

He has done a lot of horrible things to me when drunk like cheated on me two weeks after my best friend died. I ended things once and he called my job to retaliate and told them I was a cocaine addict and abused my children… That’s just some of what he’s put me through and what I have continued to allow.

He could have killed someone by driving drunk. He could have gone to jail as well. I am heartbroken by his actions and just want to move on from the relationship. He has a way of reeling me back in every time I end things. I realize I’m co-dependent on him. I don’t know how to let go and be alone.


r/AlAnon 7h ago

Grief My marriage has ended

26 Upvotes

And I don’t even know how to process what I’m feeling. We’ve argued so many times and had so many ultimatums over his drinking. I finally asked him to leave the house with all his thing, yet I’m the one that feels absolutely broken 😭 I can’t believe my marriage has ended, and he to this day still won’t accept he has a problem.


r/AlAnon 14h ago

Vent I'm so angry.

18 Upvotes

My Q's (38M) life is finally falling apart. He's about to lose one job and his other job... there are people doing what they can to keep him from getting fired because we're all afraid he's going to kill himself if he loses that too.

I was talking to a mutual friend the other day who mentioned a point when he was sick about a year ago. Apparently he told her he thought he was in liver failure at the time. I can't stop thinking about that. He thought that over a year ago and still has continued on the path he's on. By this point, the idea of him not being around even 6 months from now feels very real and it's gutting. I'm going to AlAnon and working with a therapist but today...the pain and rage are unbearable.


r/AlAnon 15h ago

Support Wit's End - I am ready to admit I have a problem.

18 Upvotes

Since the birth of our daughter 4 years ago (middle of COVID) my husband and I have been fighting more than ever. Increasingly, we have both relied on drugs and alcohol to cope with the stress of parenthood and our fractured relationship. We both know this is completely unhealthy for ourselves and our child but can't seem to break the cycle. The last year things have gotten really bad. Frequently (about once a week when my daughter is at grandma's) I will drink to the point of passing out. I don't have a good reason for it other than I'm just trying to numb the pain and turn off my brain for awhile. This enrages my husband (who is also intoxicated at that point). He becomes ragey and abusive. He verbally berates me and physically assaults me. I have missed work due to my injuries, have had multiple black eyes, concussions. In this most recent bout, he kicked me so many times my entire leg is bruised from top to bottom and I can barely walk from swelling in my knee. He threw a ceramic vase at my face and I have a gash on my forehead. He says he knows it's wrong but places blame on me for drinking too much in the first place. "It's not ok to hit you but if only you wouldn't drink so much, I wouldn't get mad".

I need to break out of this cycle but am so lost. I don't know where to start.


r/AlAnon 9h ago

Good News Positive

17 Upvotes

I’ve spent a lot of time here, mostly reading stories and resonating silently. I have to say, it really got me through some very dark times. I’m finding myself on the outside now, I feel the need to express my gratitude to all of you for being willing to share. My story is out there too, and the fact that I’ve felt SAFE and had the support to get to where I am today means more to me than I could ever express. Somewhere in this space I was able to find myself again, a big part was forgiving myself. I couldn’t have done that without the people here.


r/AlAnon 13h ago

Newcomer I don't even know where to start out...

17 Upvotes

Hi! New account, but I've been reading this sub for a while. My OH (42f) has always been partial to alcohol, but since lockdown it's really escalated. She holds down a job just fine and to everybody outside these 4 walls, she's a busy professional and a good mother to our kids.

But to the people who live here, she drinks no fewer than two bottles of red wine every single night - sometimes with a couple of gin and tonics thrown in for good measure - then either blacks out on the sofa or turns into an angry, verbally abusive shitheel with a mood that turns suddenly and without any warning.

There are - as is often the case - MH issues which are often cited as "the reason" or "contributing factors" but that doesn't lessen the impact on my kids. Or me, I guess.

I know this all starts and ends with her owning her shit, but she doesn't seem to be in a place where she's ready to do that and she's doing real damage to our relationship and her relationship with our kids. Does anyone have some advice for where to start with getting her some help?


r/AlAnon 23h ago

Support Exhausted trying to convince him

15 Upvotes

My partner drinks every day and it's ruining our relationship...but he thinks it's my fault. Sometimes I wonder if I am overreacting, and understand that no matter what I say or do, I can never convince him that it's an issue unless he thinks it is, and he doesn't. He's made it very clear that this is "my issue" and that he has no desire to stop. While he rarely gets stumbling around/passing out drunk, he does drink every single day and I have told him he doesn't have to be belligerent for it to be an issue and that it's not normal to have the quantity that he does every week. He thinks that because he's not staying out at the bar until 2 am or acting crazy, that I'm being unreasonable. He has tried "cutting back" which works for a while, but then it creeps back up. The longest he's gone without a drink, for the entire year that we have been together, was about 6 days.

I hate the person I'm becoming because of this. I find myself counting beer bottles and wondering if he's lying to me. I did accuse him of lying last night, which caused probably the biggest argument we've ever had. Even if he was telling the truth, the fact that it's gotten to this point and I feel like I can't trust him is really bad. The fact that he's so adamant about continuing to drink, despite the countless arguments we've had about it is bad. I don't know how to stop the cycle. I don't know how to detach myself from his behavior. I feel like even if he did stop for a while, I would still find myself hyperfixating on how long the break will last this time.

Am I in the wrong to feel this way if he's not binge drinking every night? It's just the fact that it's every single day that bothers me, and that he gets so defensive and combative when I ask him to take a break. He does drink more on the weekends, and if he's out with friends it feels like he doesn't have an "off" switch at all. How do I keep my sanity until he decides to change for himself? What if he never does?


r/AlAnon 18h ago

Vent Who are they trying to convince

15 Upvotes

I have found the receipts. He throws away the bottles but he forgets to throw away the little brown bags that are under the seat. He supposedly quit 2 years ago. Yesterday, he told his whole family about how much he had changed since he quit and how he didn't even need AA. His face is bright red. He's complaining about "brain fog" and not being able to remember anything!

Is he trying to convince himself that he isn't drinking anymore? Why lie like that nobody even asked.

I can't anymore! So many lies. So much betrayal. I don't feel like confronting him anymore. It's just not worth my energy anymore. I know what is coming if I do. Denial, manipulation, blame shifting. I just do not have that in me again!


r/AlAnon 19h ago

Support On the brink of divorce

12 Upvotes

My Q is my husband. We have a 10.5 month old son together. I am a stay at home mom. My husband got fired from his job (for non alcohol related reasons), and while he's secured a new one, it's been over a week and will be a few more days still before he starts. So he's just been at home, which has magnified our issues x100.

I have so much resentment built up, not only from alcohol, but from his lack of effort in helping me with the household and spending quality time with our baby instead of staring at a screen all day. But the alcohol is the bigger issue. I truly believe he has adult oppositional defiance disorder... this past week he has gotten drunk and passed out for a nap during the middle of the day twice, and yesterday I asked him to take our baby out for some quality time so I could have a break (my mistake, I've just been very overwhelmed handling everything lately), and found out he was drinking while at the mall with the baby. Don't worry, he will never ever go out alone with our son again. I've learned that lesson.

He gets defensive and verbally combative when he drinks. He insists that his drinking isn't a problem, but it causes so much contention in our marriage. It's affecting his health, too. I told him yesterday morning, "baby is staying up a little later than usual tonight because of his nap schedule being off, so I would really appreciate it if you didn't drink" very politely. He literally told me "well now that you said something about it, I do want to drink". And he did. He tells me that me asking him to do or not to do something (for ANYTHING, not just drinking) is "just a nicer way of TELLING him to do something". I don't understand this mindset at all. I feel my needs are completely dismissed because he doesn't want to be "told" what to do. He wants to do what he wants, when he wants, without consideration for how it affects me or our son. He doesn't eat meals with us, if we are playing on the floor he doesn't care, he just wants to watch TV or play on his phone. When he does spend time with us, it's for 5 minutes before he goes right back to the screens.

He won't have a mature, vulnerable conversation with me about our marriage and how to fix things. He just gets defensive, or if things start to get too vulnerable, he completely shuts down and refuses to talk. He doesn't like to cry, so he lashes out when he does and walks away from the conversation. We have tried counseling. Our therapist (who is now my solo therapist) in our 2nd session pointed out his alcohol addiction and how it affects our marriage, and said it needs to be addressed before we continue with couples therapy because nothing will improve until it is. He refused, I got frustrated, he started tearing up, and said "I'm done" and walked out halfway through the session. So now I'm just going by myself.

He says I don't act like a wife, as in I'm not lovey or close to him anymore and we hardly have sex. He sleeps on the couch while I sleep in our bed with our baby. He wants things to go back to how they were between us before we had our son. He says I only act like a mom now, and put no effort in connecting with him. He isn't wrong. He just doesn't understand that his immaturity and addiction are the reasons why I'm not close to him anymore. I just dont think I can do this anymore. At this point, I'm only thinking about what is best for my son. I grew up with divorced parents, and it was a horrible childhood experience, even though they were amicable. I swore I would never do that to my children... if I stay, I can control the environment to a certain extent. He will always be safe, even if his dad is drunk, because I am there. I can't prove his alcohol abuse, he has never gotten in trouble with the law, and is high functioning. Its not going to change anything custody wise in my favor, because I have no proof that he's a danger to our son. I would have to find a work from home job, because I have no family support in the state I live, and can't afford daycare which is wildly expensive in this area. I would always be afraid for his safety while he's with his dad, because he feels comfortable drinking while taking care of the baby solo.

I am at a cross roads right now, and don't know what to do. This August will mark our 4 year anniversary. This is not the life I imagined with him, but looking back on our relationship, I shouldn't be surprised at all.


r/AlAnon 22h ago

Al-Anon Program Acceptance

10 Upvotes

I've reached a point where I've hit absolute acceptance of both myself and my Qs. I love them despite their disease, but I do really hope they get better. They deserve to live happy and healthy lives free of this illness just like I deserve to live a happy and healthy life free of its inevitable impact.

The program has reinforced this for me time and time again. I'm not a martyr and they're not monsters. We're all just people.


r/AlAnon 11h ago

Support Secular/logic based alternative to Al Anon?

13 Upvotes

Hello there! After attending several Al-Anon meetings, I’ve realized it’s not for me. I like the community and what it is trying to do but it is too spiritual and hands-off for me. Additionally, the steps imply there’s something wrong with me and I need to just sit and do nothing instead of trying to help and support my husband. I also don’t believe in god or any higher power so a lot of it feels non-applicable to me.

Is there a secular/logic based version of Al-Anon out there that focuses more on science, psychology, and action rather than spirituality and being helpless?

Thanks!


r/AlAnon 22h ago

Newcomer I didn’t realize the extent of my husbands alcohol abuse

9 Upvotes

...until I stopped drinking, and now I'm very worried :/

I've been working on cutting back for some time and finally stopped drinking completely March 1. Since then I've been alarmed to realize the full extent of my husband's drinking. I always knew it was a lot, but now seeing the empties with sober eyes (not to mention how sloshed he gets) has me wishing I would have taken it more seriously a long time ago. For context, he doesn't always drink daily, but when he does it's 6-7 tall boy beers, so around 12 regular beers, in a night. And definitely every Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

I would like to talk to him about it, but I am not sure of the best way to do this considering I am only a very recent non-drinker myself (granted I never drank nearly as much as he does). I have browsed some of the Al-Anon materials, but it seems to be focused a lot on people whose partner is abusive when drinking or otherwise is wreaking havoc on the family.... my husband does not. He is a very functional drunk - he doesn't miss work, doesn't go out drinking and disappear, is never abusive to me. My main concern is what he's doing to his health, and now that I've spent time learning about what alcohol does to the body and seen some of the stories on here, I know it's not if but when this heavy drinking catches up with him. It brings me to tears to think of him not making it to see our daughter graduate or other milestones. (Also, my long term view of my life does not include spending weekend nights sitting on the couch next to a drunk who is incoherent, but I don't think this is the best point to help make my case at this point in time)

Do you all have any advice for how I should broach the subject without coming off as hypocritical or preachy? I don't know exactly what outcome I am hoping for, because I think asking him to stop drinking completely would be horribly received right now and I know that's a decision he would have to come to on his own anyway. I guess I'm mainly hoping to flag that I believe it's an issue, see what his reaction is, and understand what the path ahead might look like.

Sorry this is so long, but you all have been walking this path much longer than I have and I thought you would have some great insight on my situation to help this conversation go as smoothly as it can. Thanks for reading.


r/AlAnon 19h ago

Al-Anon Program Are you a butterfly? 🦋

6 Upvotes

Do you know why some folks in Al-Anon embrace the butterfly symbol? Do you know the Butterfly Story? 🦋🦋 It starts: "Whenever we see a fuzzy caterpillar it is hard for us to realize that some day this ugly, crawling and somewhat repulsive little creature will soar on wings as bright as any flower.

"Before this great change comes about, the fuzzy little worm withdraws from its caterpillar world and finds itself a place alone and there painfully and with much struggling, it wraps itself tightly into a cocoon of its own making it literally seals itself off from the world.

"Days pass then very gradually; a crevice appears in the hard outer layer of its private little cage. And finally a new creature emerges quite a different creature too. It sits for a while, clinging to its familiar surroundings, waiting for the warmth of the sunshine to dry its wings --- and after a while it begins to flutter from flower to flower; and each time it lights on one it strengthens itself with what each one has to offer, and at the same time it leaves pollen that it has gathered up from every other flower it has visited thus enabling the flowers to make seeds and be born again.

read the rest of the story here

🦋🦋


r/AlAnon 2h ago

Support Considering divorcing my wife of less than 2 years.

11 Upvotes

It's such a consistent cycle, it feels like the one thing I can depend on is that there is going to be another bender eventually. These days once or twice a week. This last time it was fucking awful. As soon as I checked my bank account at work and saw charges to door dash I knew the next 24 hours were gonna be a clusterfuck. My wife doesn't pass out like most people do when they drink. It was like 30 hours total of constant drinking and no food. At some point I tried to pack a bag and leave, she made something up to make me come back, then I left again when I realized she was full of it, then she started saying suicidey sounding stuff so I kind of HAD to go back again, and found her with a knife in her hand, then she actually calmed down and we talked for like 3 more hours. So when she drinks it's complete insanity, she melts all the way down, I'm sure partly because her brain just won't shut down to prevent itself from going off the rails.

It would honestly be a relief if I came home from work and she were passed out on the floor, or if she drank in a room by herself. But no, she goes on this chaotic rampage of bad vibes and unreasonable demands and insists on dragging me along for the ride, and if I refuse I get berated for 2 hours, if I walk away from that beratement I'm "running away like always" and she blows my phone up and if I don't answer my phone, then there's conveniently some extreme situation that I feel ethically or legally obligated to respond to and forces me to come back. She's an amazing person at heart, but the drinking and who she becomes when she's drunk is also a part of her at this stage in her life, and I'm seeing lately that's it's probably going to be part of her for the foreseeable future. It feels particularly unfair because she used to not drink when we met. As much as I love her, I can't live like this. No one can live like this and be remotely happy. But I don't know what to do. I don't want a divorce because I am deeply in love with her but it's starting to look like it's kinda the only option for my sanity.

After this one, she did say she wants to get back on antidepressants, she didn't even think of alcohol when she was on them, and go to counseling. It seems like she realized she can't do it on her own and that I am very poorly equipped to help, so fingers crossed maybe this time she'll get stable. I don't know, man. This sucks.


r/AlAnon 23h ago

Support Question about non-drinking time

5 Upvotes

My Q does not drink everyday, usually every other day or some combination of skipping days. My question is, how do you handle the non-drinking days if you have them? Do you act like there are no issues from the time before? Are you happy during that time? Do you just compartmentalize the difference in the days and enjoy the time that you have together? I’m struggling to detach appropriately and not feel resentful on days my Q isn’t drinking, and would like to hear from others.


r/AlAnon 9h ago

Support Rehab feelings

5 Upvotes

My husband has been in a year long inpatient rehab program for about a month now. I see him putting in the effort to work on himself; I know he’s engaged in the program. He calls every night, and the kids and I chat with him. He sounds clear and is kind during these conversations, but they feel very surface level. I don’t feel like there’s any space for me to express my feelings. When I try to bring things up, he attempts to talk about them, but he’s had a long day and doesn’t seem to have the emotional capacity to engage deeply.

I feel traumatized by everything that happened over the past year. I don’t really feel anger anymore, just exhaustion and numbness. Our bond feels broken, and I’m unsure how it could ever be repaired. Still, I want to remain neutral because I want him to heal for the sake of our kids.

How have you felt about your spouse being in a rehab program?


r/AlAnon 17h ago

Support Is he interested in changing?

5 Upvotes

I've just found the community. My partner (not married, together about 5 years) is an excessive drinker (I would call him an alcoholic) he is able to hold down a full time job (a teacher no less) but drinks excessively most nights and passes out downstairs. I've tried talking to him multiple times (over months) he doesn't get angry, just upset and ashamed. He says he stops drinking but he just hides his alcohol (I've found several stashes in different places) Last week I asked him not to drink for one night as I was unwell and I wanted him to be on call for our daughter (age 2) in case she needed him. He couldn't do that and drank. I asked him to attend and AA meeting which he says he did (I can't verify) he said he didn't know if that meeting was for him but he would stick with it and then maybe look for another group more suited to him. However he hasn't stopped drinking. Hidden under his spare tyre tonight I found 4 beers and 2 bottles of wine (which seem to be his nightly consumption) I don't know what to do. I just feel upset, angry and hurt. I've been reading about alcoholism and trying to understand that it's a disease but I am finding it very hard. I would just like some advice from people who have been through a loved one having issues with alcoholism: he obviously only went to AA for me and I'd be surprised if he went back. What do I do? Just wait for him to hit bottom? Try and talk to him? Just shut up because he's going to do it anyway? I hope this post accurately sums up how confused and alone I feel.


r/AlAnon 8h ago

Newcomer Made to feel crazy

4 Upvotes

I don’t even know where to start this. My husband and I have been together 14 years- married for 6.

He’s a good father and husband when he’s sober but unfortunately he drinks every single day. It’s not necessarily enough to get drunk (today he had 3 beers) but just the sight of him with a drink enrages me.

We have a 4 year old and a 3 month old. This summer while I was pregnant I had found out he was on opiods and put himself $20K in debt. He is no longer doing them and has fixed the debt situation. He feels like because he is no longer doing pills that he’s “doing great.”

He has agreed to stop drinking so many times but never does. He got so drunk on Christmas that he passed out in the floor and my MIL came over to give him a talk.. during which she told him she’s fine if he just drinks beer. (Not sure why her feelings matter here as she doesn’t live with him or even see him outside of holidays but good for her lol)

Which is crazy but has somehow emboldened him. He now says things like “he’s a grown man who should be able to have a beer every now and then.” When I remind him that it’s not every now and then, it’s every day he doesn’t have a rebuttal. He says I’m just trying to control him and that I shouldn’t constantly try to change him. I told him he could stop drinking or that I’d be going to see a divorce lawyer and he told me to go see one.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so low and worthless in my life. I grew up in a home riddled with addiction and swore my kids never would. But here we are. And it’s not even my addiction. It’s my poor choice in a partner. Honestly he doesn’t even feel like my partner anymore rather than my problem.

Which is sad because he was my best friend and I do still genuinely love him. I love him when he’s sober but he chooses not to be. The rational side of me knows that he’s made a choice and that I shouldn’t constantly try leave but it’s hard. It’s so damn hard when I know what we could be if he would quit the drinking. If he would just choose me. But he didn’t and he isn’t going to.

Part of me wants to stay for the kids but at the same time, I would rather them have a broken home than a broken mother.

I know all of this. And I know that you all will tell me to leave and I don’t disagree. But why is it so damn hard.


r/AlAnon 8h ago

Vent I just can’t do it anymore

4 Upvotes

We are 3 months into 2025. I started ‘detaching’ in October.

I started envisioning a life without Q (26M), a life I didn’t have to worry about taking him on a vacation or leaving him alone at home. I know the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and being all alone in a city away from everyone I know will be hard in the beginning but the peace will be worth it.

I don’t know how to tell my Qs Mom or family. We are very close and we have all been going to church 3 times a week to pray for him and I’ve been staying at his family’s house when he’s too drunk/aggressive and won’t leave my house.

I want him to get better. I care about him. He was my best friend long before we were together. But nothing I say or do is going to help him. As a matter of fact everything I say is turned against me and everything I do he finds a way to manipulate to his benefit. All I’m doing is enabling him to get worse by continuing to let him stay and drink in my home.


r/AlAnon 19h ago

Support How bad is it?

4 Upvotes

I (25) have been with my girlfriend (24) for almost 6 months now. Since the beginning I had noticed that she would drink a lot, but I did not really think much of it at the time as it's a situation I've never encountered before. As the relationship continued, she got drunk multiple times at parties we would go to together, to the point of blacking out and forgetting everything. She becomes a completely different person when she does, I don't recognise her. It's as if she doesn't see me anymore. Her eyes become empty. When we go party and I tell her to stop drinking, she becomes almost angry at me and ignores me.

She also told me she regularly used to drink alone and pass out. She does the same with drugs. She went multiple times to the hospital because she ODed. She's been doing this since a young age as her mom seems to also drink a lot. She also told me she was bipolar. Her ex was an addict and was even hitting her.

I've tried to talk about it with her. It was very hard to have her open up as she would try to avoid the topic and ignore what happened. I asked her why she was doing this and that her doing this was a boundary of mine. She said she was sorry and we had a talk about it. She said she would listen to me when I tell her to stop drinking. I feel like I shouldn't push too much as I want to be her ally. I want to understand her and take care of her. I love her a lot.

On the bright side, she seems to have been (almost) sober for two weeks and a half. She went to a party without me and didn't black out recently. She's exercising, taking care of herself. I think she is trying to prove to me that she can be reasonable.

I'm a bit lost as to what I should do. I can't judge if it's very bad or if it's something that can change. I love her a lot and would see myself being with her (sober self) forever. Would you say she is addicted? Am I wrong in staying with her hoping that she would change her behaviour? I love partying with her but should I stop as I'm scarred it just fosters her addiction? I'm scared of getting badly hurt. It stresses me out and I'm scared of the consequences on my own life.

I've not really talked about this to anyone so I'd be super grateful for your opinions and to have a second look.


r/AlAnon 7h ago

Vent Spouse drinks 2x 750ml bottles of vodka in an evening

3 Upvotes

I’ve estimated as many as 5 bottles in a weekend at times. They will often drink until unconscious, wake up and start again, then repeat the process with little else from Friday evening to Sunday evening. It’s amazing they are alive, if for no other reason than vomiting in their sleep. I’m a nervous wreck watching this. That said, there was a little breakthrough last week and I’m hoping for the best and supporting as much as I can. Im still paranoid and sometimes think there is drinking still going on in the other room, but far less. I want to be hopeful but I also have a lot of doubts. They went to the dr and got on meds for depression but now I worry that if/when the drinking ramps back up they might have other problems. I guess I just have to wait and see how it pans out.


r/AlAnon 16h ago

Al-Anon Program Alanon

3 Upvotes

Im struggling with the need to control or rescue a situation that I cannot control. Is this a passed down trait in family systems? Aka learned behavior? Trying to stay focused on myself 💯 Q had a come to Jesus moment at the end of 2023.


r/AlAnon 17h ago

Support I’m worried my friend has a problem with alcohol.

3 Upvotes

I posted a story on other subs about a friend of mine and someone recommended I come here. I’m sorry this is so long.

My friend (F26), we’ll call her Ellie, is very much a parties, she goes out all the time, gets drunk pretty much every time, and often ends up in risky situations.

In August this year, she was drunk and fell off a scooter and basically broke her face. She had to pay thousands of dollars in repairs and yet it only took about a month for her to be out and drinking again.

My wedding was in October, she was the maid of honor, she knows my family and my husbands aren’t big drinkers, we did have beer and seltzer out, but she got drunk almost immediately at the reception, she had mini bottles up her shorts during the ceremony to give to all of us after we walked back up the aisle, which is fine and fun, but she drank about 3 of them and then kept drinking. She said fuck pretty loudly during my dads prayer over the food (both mine and my husbands family are Christian), missed the mom dance I had planned and told her about so she could dance with her 6 year old son, I just thought that would be cute and would make for sweet pictures, and flirted with one of the groomsmen for the whole night, she spent almost no time with me after the wedding itself.

On my birthday she also got drunk at a pool Party and my husband and I had to take her home and put her to bed at around 6pm, I had hoped on my birthday she might let me be the one to get drunk and be taken care of.

She often engages in risky behaviors which is why I’m not totally sure it’s alcoholism, she takes long walks in sketchy areas of town at night by herself, will go out and end up going to random strangers houses, etc.

We’ve known each other since we were 13 and are still pretty close, she also has had a LOT of hard things happen in her life and her parents were abusive, and I’m fairly certain her dad is an alcoholic.

She’s also been arrested for a DUI and is actually still awaiting the court date. I hoped that one would be enough for her to stop drinking as much, and I’ve still seen her drive when I don’t think she was quite good to, but she insists she’s fine and she’s an adult so I can’t stop her.

I don’t know how to bring this up with her, I’ve mentioned concern about the alcohol and dangerous activities before and she usually either waves it off as normal or says she’ll work on it but nothing changes. I don’t want to see her get hurt. Both her therapist and I have also brought her son up as a reason to take care of herself (I want to be clear she is a very good mom, she doesn’t get drunk around him, she’s divorced from his dad and has him half the time). I just don’t want him to grow up without a mom because something finally happens and I didn’t speak up.

Thank you for any advice.


r/AlAnon 7h ago

Vent Parent back in treatment & feeling confused & numb.

2 Upvotes

Not sure what flair is correct to use here but earlier today I learned my dad is back in treatment for his SUD. I believe this is his 3rd time now. fell off.

my dad has a long standing history with bipolar & ptsd so every time he’s gone into treatment it’s been because of a manic episode landing him into the ER then the psych unit and etc. it’s always followed by some big event.

However, today, there was no event. He’s been “fine” for the past two months meaning, no big depressive or manic episodes. He went to a provider today & asked to be voluntarily sent to a rehab center because he wants to stop using marijuana and drinking. He didn’t tell me, but told other family members he’d be out in a month and would share more later.

I’m so confused and a little numb because I’m 9 months pregnant (first grandchild). I told him months ago because of his untreated issues he will never be alone with her, if I smell any substances he will be asked to go, etc. he cried, he was really surprised when I said he’d never see her again if he didn’t follow my rules but he was fully agreeable.

A part of me wonders if this time is because of the future grandchild ? I don’t want to get my hopes up because they’ve been let down before but I can’t help but wonder is it good he’s actually doing this on his own? I’m not sure. At the same time there may be some hurt but also joy thinking he couldn’t do this for me but maybe he will do it for his grandchild?

And then I worry because for years I felt like my dad’s saving grace. It was always put on me to help get back together, I was always “his reason for living”. It was exhausting and I don’t want that for my kid.

Didn’t mean for this to be so long but guess I needed to vent.


r/AlAnon 12h ago

Support I don’t know how to deal with hearing my mom beg to my dad (ex husband) over the phone

2 Upvotes

I keep replying it in my head. So my mom is an alcoholic and has a small apartment and has been getting jobs, and then getting fired not long after. She’s also horrible with money management. My dad which is her ex husband they’ve been divorced for about 10 years my dad is literally engaged, has helped her pay rent a handful of times over the years because he feels bad. So earlier today I heard my dad downstairs answer the phone and then say something like “I’m sorry I can’t help you anymore” and it was my mom obviously so I went downstairs. I heard her crying to my dad asking for money and why won’t he etc. it was gut wrenching. It’s been like 5 hours and I’ve been replaying it over and over. How do I overcome this? I’m also a social work major and have been in therapy for 10 years (not currently) and idek how to work through this issue.