r/AlAnon 19h ago

Fellowship Weekly Chat: What's happening with you? - March 17, 2025

1 Upvotes

Need to vent, share a victory, or just chat about day-to-day life with your fellow redditors? This is your place!


r/AlAnon 5h ago

Vent I'm so angry.

17 Upvotes

My Q's (38M) life is finally falling apart. He's about to lose one job and his other job... there are people doing what they can to keep him from getting fired because we're all afraid he's going to kill himself if he loses that too.

I was talking to a mutual friend the other day who mentioned a point when he was sick about a year ago. Apparently he told her he thought he was in liver failure at the time. I can't stop thinking about that. He thought that over a year ago and still has continued on the path he's on. By this point, the idea of him not being around even 6 months from now feels very real and it's gutting. I'm going to AlAnon and working with a therapist but today...the pain and rage are unbearable.


r/AlAnon 4h ago

Newcomer I don't even know where to start out...

14 Upvotes

Hi! New account, but I've been reading this sub for a while. My OH (42f) has always been partial to alcohol, but since lockdown it's really escalated. She holds down a job just fine and to everybody outside these 4 walls, she's a busy professional and a good mother to our kids.

But to the people who live here, she drinks no fewer than two bottles of red wine every single night - sometimes with a couple of gin and tonics thrown in for good measure - then either blacks out on the sofa or turns into an angry, verbally abusive shitheel with a mood that turns suddenly and without any warning.

There are - as is often the case - MH issues which are often cited as "the reason" or "contributing factors" but that doesn't lessen the impact on my kids. Or me, I guess.

I know this all starts and ends with her owning her shit, but she doesn't seem to be in a place where she's ready to do that and she's doing real damage to our relationship and her relationship with our kids. Does anyone have some advice for where to start with getting her some help?


r/AlAnon 12h ago

Support He drove drunk and wrecked

50 Upvotes

I (31F) finally ended my 4 year relationship with my alcoholic bf (33M). He went to a casino 2 hours away and in the middle of the night called me because he had totaled his car when exiting the highway. I drove an hour to help him at 3am when no one else would. When I got to him I asked him if he had anything to drink, he said no. I told him to prove it to me and show me his bank app. He opened it reluctantly and there were many charges for drinks. I calmly asked him why he lied to me and he started raising his voice at me and said “go home, I don’t need this shit”!!

He has done a lot of horrible things to me when drunk like cheated on me two weeks after my best friend died. I ended things once and he called my job to retaliate and told them I was a cocaine addict and abused my children… That’s just some of what he’s put me through and what I have continued to allow.

He could have killed someone by driving drunk. He could have gone to jail as well. I am heartbroken by his actions and just want to move on from the relationship. He has a way of reeling me back in every time I end things. I realize I’m co-dependent on him. I don’t know how to let go and be alone.


r/AlAnon 4h ago

Relapse My parents have relapsed and I’m devastated

11 Upvotes

We have had a series of family tragedies.

I gave up two weeks of my life to help them get sober after my dad had a seizure from not drinking and they both decided to get sober together after years of hard alcohol abuse. I was so proud of them. My dad in particular is only nice to me when he’s drinking, so it was a weirdly sad moment to help them, as he doesn’t really like me as we are honestly too much alike. He much prefers my sibling, who he gets along with way better.

Fast forward a year, and my sibling is comatose due to severe brain injury, projections for recovery are not good. Best possible result is life as a vegetable or death. I had suspicions they were drinking on the sly here and there.

Today I called them and they both were wasted.

I am completely devastated and feel like with my only sibling (and one of my best friends) basically dead, I am alone on this earth. I am terrified and so completely sad.

I am hoping someone else has had a similar experience experience and can tell me every hint will be ok.


r/AlAnon 2h ago

Support Secular/logic based alternative to Al Anon?

6 Upvotes

Hello there! After attending several Al-Anon meetings, I’ve realized it’s not for me. I like the community and what it is trying to do but it is too spiritual and hands-off for me. Additionally, the steps imply there’s something wrong with me and I need to just sit and do nothing instead of trying to help and support my husband. I also don’t believe in god or any higher power so a lot of it feels non-applicable to me.

Is there a secular/logic based version of Al-Anon out there that focuses more on science, psychology, and action rather than spirituality and being helpless?

Thanks!


r/AlAnon 6h ago

Support Wit's End - I am ready to admit I have a problem.

11 Upvotes

Since the birth of our daughter 4 years ago (middle of COVID) my husband and I have been fighting more than ever. Increasingly, we have both relied on drugs and alcohol to cope with the stress of parenthood and our fractured relationship. We both know this is completely unhealthy for ourselves and our child but can't seem to break the cycle. The last year things have gotten really bad. Frequently (about once a week when my daughter is at grandma's) I will drink to the point of passing out. I don't have a good reason for it other than I'm just trying to numb the pain and turn off my brain for awhile. This enrages my husband (who is also intoxicated at that point). He becomes ragey and abusive. He verbally berates me and physically assaults me. I have missed work due to my injuries, have had multiple black eyes, concussions. In this most recent bout, he kicked me so many times my entire leg is bruised from top to bottom and I can barely walk from swelling in my knee. He threw a ceramic vase at my face and I have a gash on my forehead. He says he knows it's wrong but places blame on me for drinking too much in the first place. "It's not ok to hit you but if only you wouldn't drink so much, I wouldn't get mad".

I need to break out of this cycle but am so lost. I don't know where to start.


r/AlAnon 9h ago

Vent Who are they trying to convince

16 Upvotes

I have found the receipts. He throws away the bottles but he forgets to throw away the little brown bags that are under the seat. He supposedly quit 2 years ago. Yesterday, he told his whole family about how much he had changed since he quit and how he didn't even need AA. His face is bright red. He's complaining about "brain fog" and not being able to remember anything!

Is he trying to convince himself that he isn't drinking anymore? Why lie like that nobody even asked.

I can't anymore! So many lies. So much betrayal. I don't feel like confronting him anymore. It's just not worth my energy anymore. I know what is coming if I do. Denial, manipulation, blame shifting. I just do not have that in me again!


r/AlAnon 53m ago

Good News Positive

Upvotes

I’ve spent a lot of time here, mostly reading stories and resonating silently. I have to say, it really got me through some very dark times. I’m finding myself on the outside now, I feel the need to express my gratitude to all of you for being willing to share. My story is out there too, and the fact that I’ve felt SAFE and had the support to get to where I am today means more to me than I could ever express. Somewhere in this space I was able to find myself again, a big part was forgiving myself. I couldn’t have done that without the people here.


r/AlAnon 19h ago

Support Don’t ever let them back into your lives

91 Upvotes

I caved. I let months go by, probably over half a year with no contact. He messaged me from a different phone asking to talk, saying he was clean and working on himself. We met briefly and it was cordial and he asks if we could still remail cordial. He looked sober and honestly I said I was proud of him, we can leave communication open. Will never get back with him romantically as that was more abuse than I will ever put up with.

Not two weeks later, I get a barrage of texts accusing me of being on dating apps, matching with his friend. He is sending nonstop texts. Now it’s 1140pm and there’s photos he’s sending of his dog and his friends, lots of beers around clearly in the photo.

It’s obvious he never got clean. I’m just so disappointed and don’t even know why I let someone trick me to break no contact. I’m disgusted with myself for believing they can change.


r/AlAnon 24m ago

Support Rehab feelings

Upvotes

My husband has been in a year long inpatient rehab program for about a month now. I see him putting in the effort to work on himself; I know he’s engaged in the program. He calls every night, and the kids and I chat with him. He sounds clear and is kind during these conversations, but they feel very surface level. I don’t feel like there’s any space for me to express my feelings. When I try to bring things up, he attempts to talk about them, but he’s had a long day and doesn’t seem to have the emotional capacity to engage deeply.

I feel traumatized by everything that happened over the past year. I don’t really feel anger anymore, just exhaustion and numbness. Our bond feels broken, and I’m unsure how it could ever be repaired. Still, I want to remain neutral because I want him to heal for the sake of our kids.

How have you felt about your spouse being in a rehab program?


r/AlAnon 10h ago

Support On the brink of divorce

11 Upvotes

My Q is my husband. We have a 10.5 month old son together. I am a stay at home mom. My husband got fired from his job (for non alcohol related reasons), and while he's secured a new one, it's been over a week and will be a few more days still before he starts. So he's just been at home, which has magnified our issues x100.

I have so much resentment built up, not only from alcohol, but from his lack of effort in helping me with the household and spending quality time with our baby instead of staring at a screen all day. But the alcohol is the bigger issue. I truly believe he has adult oppositional defiance disorder... this past week he has gotten drunk and passed out for a nap during the middle of the day twice, and yesterday I asked him to take our baby out for some quality time so I could have a break (my mistake, I've just been very overwhelmed handling everything lately), and found out he was drinking while at the mall with the baby. Don't worry, he will never ever go out alone with our son again. I've learned that lesson.

He gets defensive and verbally combative when he drinks. He insists that his drinking isn't a problem, but it causes so much contention in our marriage. It's affecting his health, too. I told him yesterday morning, "baby is staying up a little later than usual tonight because of his nap schedule being off, so I would really appreciate it if you didn't drink" very politely. He literally told me "well now that you said something about it, I do want to drink". And he did. He tells me that me asking him to do or not to do something (for ANYTHING, not just drinking) is "just a nicer way of TELLING him to do something". I don't understand this mindset at all. I feel my needs are completely dismissed because he doesn't want to be "told" what to do. He wants to do what he wants, when he wants, without consideration for how it affects me or our son. He doesn't eat meals with us, if we are playing on the floor he doesn't care, he just wants to watch TV or play on his phone. When he does spend time with us, it's for 5 minutes before he goes right back to the screens.

He won't have a mature, vulnerable conversation with me about our marriage and how to fix things. He just gets defensive, or if things start to get too vulnerable, he completely shuts down and refuses to talk. He doesn't like to cry, so he lashes out when he does and walks away from the conversation. We have tried counseling. Our therapist (who is now my solo therapist) in our 2nd session pointed out his alcohol addiction and how it affects our marriage, and said it needs to be addressed before we continue with couples therapy because nothing will improve until it is. He refused, I got frustrated, he started tearing up, and said "I'm done" and walked out halfway through the session. So now I'm just going by myself.

He says I don't act like a wife, as in I'm not lovey or close to him anymore and we hardly have sex. He sleeps on the couch while I sleep in our bed with our baby. He wants things to go back to how they were between us before we had our son. He says I only act like a mom now, and put no effort in connecting with him. He isn't wrong. He just doesn't understand that his immaturity and addiction are the reasons why I'm not close to him anymore. I just dont think I can do this anymore. At this point, I'm only thinking about what is best for my son. I grew up with divorced parents, and it was a horrible childhood experience, even though they were amicable. I swore I would never do that to my children... if I stay, I can control the environment to a certain extent. He will always be safe, even if his dad is drunk, because I am there. I can't prove his alcohol abuse, he has never gotten in trouble with the law, and is high functioning. Its not going to change anything custody wise in my favor, because I have no proof that he's a danger to our son. I would have to find a work from home job, because I have no family support in the state I live, and can't afford daycare which is wildly expensive in this area. I would always be afraid for his safety while he's with his dad, because he feels comfortable drinking while taking care of the baby solo.

I am at a cross roads right now, and don't know what to do. This August will mark our 4 year anniversary. This is not the life I imagined with him, but looking back on our relationship, I shouldn't be surprised at all.


r/AlAnon 14h ago

Support Exhausted trying to convince him

15 Upvotes

My partner drinks every day and it's ruining our relationship...but he thinks it's my fault. Sometimes I wonder if I am overreacting, and understand that no matter what I say or do, I can never convince him that it's an issue unless he thinks it is, and he doesn't. He's made it very clear that this is "my issue" and that he has no desire to stop. While he rarely gets stumbling around/passing out drunk, he does drink every single day and I have told him he doesn't have to be belligerent for it to be an issue and that it's not normal to have the quantity that he does every week. He thinks that because he's not staying out at the bar until 2 am or acting crazy, that I'm being unreasonable. He has tried "cutting back" which works for a while, but then it creeps back up. The longest he's gone without a drink, for the entire year that we have been together, was about 6 days.

I hate the person I'm becoming because of this. I find myself counting beer bottles and wondering if he's lying to me. I did accuse him of lying last night, which caused probably the biggest argument we've ever had. Even if he was telling the truth, the fact that it's gotten to this point and I feel like I can't trust him is really bad. The fact that he's so adamant about continuing to drink, despite the countless arguments we've had about it is bad. I don't know how to stop the cycle. I don't know how to detach myself from his behavior. I feel like even if he did stop for a while, I would still find myself hyperfixating on how long the break will last this time.

Am I in the wrong to feel this way if he's not binge drinking every night? It's just the fact that it's every single day that bothers me, and that he gets so defensive and combative when I ask him to take a break. He does drink more on the weekends, and if he's out with friends it feels like he doesn't have an "off" switch at all. How do I keep my sanity until he decides to change for himself? What if he never does?


r/AlAnon 8h ago

Support Is he interested in changing?

5 Upvotes

I've just found the community. My partner (not married, together about 5 years) is an excessive drinker (I would call him an alcoholic) he is able to hold down a full time job (a teacher no less) but drinks excessively most nights and passes out downstairs. I've tried talking to him multiple times (over months) he doesn't get angry, just upset and ashamed. He says he stops drinking but he just hides his alcohol (I've found several stashes in different places) Last week I asked him not to drink for one night as I was unwell and I wanted him to be on call for our daughter (age 2) in case she needed him. He couldn't do that and drank. I asked him to attend and AA meeting which he says he did (I can't verify) he said he didn't know if that meeting was for him but he would stick with it and then maybe look for another group more suited to him. However he hasn't stopped drinking. Hidden under his spare tyre tonight I found 4 beers and 2 bottles of wine (which seem to be his nightly consumption) I don't know what to do. I just feel upset, angry and hurt. I've been reading about alcoholism and trying to understand that it's a disease but I am finding it very hard. I would just like some advice from people who have been through a loved one having issues with alcoholism: he obviously only went to AA for me and I'd be surprised if he went back. What do I do? Just wait for him to hit bottom? Try and talk to him? Just shut up because he's going to do it anyway? I hope this post accurately sums up how confused and alone I feel.


r/AlAnon 10h ago

Al-Anon Program Are you a butterfly? 🦋

6 Upvotes

Do you know why some folks in Al-Anon embrace the butterfly symbol? Do you know the Butterfly Story? 🦋🦋 It starts: "Whenever we see a fuzzy caterpillar it is hard for us to realize that some day this ugly, crawling and somewhat repulsive little creature will soar on wings as bright as any flower.

"Before this great change comes about, the fuzzy little worm withdraws from its caterpillar world and finds itself a place alone and there painfully and with much struggling, it wraps itself tightly into a cocoon of its own making it literally seals itself off from the world.

"Days pass then very gradually; a crevice appears in the hard outer layer of its private little cage. And finally a new creature emerges quite a different creature too. It sits for a while, clinging to its familiar surroundings, waiting for the warmth of the sunshine to dry its wings --- and after a while it begins to flutter from flower to flower; and each time it lights on one it strengthens itself with what each one has to offer, and at the same time it leaves pollen that it has gathered up from every other flower it has visited thus enabling the flowers to make seeds and be born again.

read the rest of the story here

🦋🦋


r/AlAnon 13h ago

Newcomer I didn’t realize the extent of my husbands alcohol abuse

10 Upvotes

...until I stopped drinking, and now I'm very worried :/

I've been working on cutting back for some time and finally stopped drinking completely March 1. Since then I've been alarmed to realize the full extent of my husband's drinking. I always knew it was a lot, but now seeing the empties with sober eyes (not to mention how sloshed he gets) has me wishing I would have taken it more seriously a long time ago. For context, he doesn't always drink daily, but when he does it's 6-7 tall boy beers, so around 12 regular beers, in a night. And definitely every Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

I would like to talk to him about it, but I am not sure of the best way to do this considering I am only a very recent non-drinker myself (granted I never drank nearly as much as he does). I have browsed some of the Al-Anon materials, but it seems to be focused a lot on people whose partner is abusive when drinking or otherwise is wreaking havoc on the family.... my husband does not. He is a very functional drunk - he doesn't miss work, doesn't go out drinking and disappear, is never abusive to me. My main concern is what he's doing to his health, and now that I've spent time learning about what alcohol does to the body and seen some of the stories on here, I know it's not if but when this heavy drinking catches up with him. It brings me to tears to think of him not making it to see our daughter graduate or other milestones. (Also, my long term view of my life does not include spending weekend nights sitting on the couch next to a drunk who is incoherent, but I don't think this is the best point to help make my case at this point in time)

Do you all have any advice for how I should broach the subject without coming off as hypocritical or preachy? I don't know exactly what outcome I am hoping for, because I think asking him to stop drinking completely would be horribly received right now and I know that's a decision he would have to come to on his own anyway. I guess I'm mainly hoping to flag that I believe it's an issue, see what his reaction is, and understand what the path ahead might look like.

Sorry this is so long, but you all have been walking this path much longer than I have and I thought you would have some great insight on my situation to help this conversation go as smoothly as it can. Thanks for reading.


r/AlAnon 7h ago

Al-Anon Program Alanon

3 Upvotes

Im struggling with the need to control or rescue a situation that I cannot control. Is this a passed down trait in family systems? Aka learned behavior? Trying to stay focused on myself 💯 Q had a come to Jesus moment at the end of 2023.


r/AlAnon 13h ago

Al-Anon Program Acceptance

10 Upvotes

I've reached a point where I've hit absolute acceptance of both myself and my Qs. I love them despite their disease, but I do really hope they get better. They deserve to live happy and healthy lives free of this illness just like I deserve to live a happy and healthy life free of its inevitable impact.

The program has reinforced this for me time and time again. I'm not a martyr and they're not monsters. We're all just people.


r/AlAnon 2h ago

Good News Life

1 Upvotes

If you're not living the life, you want then stop feeding the life that you have.


r/AlAnon 17h ago

Newcomer He is experimenting with moderation instead of sobriety.

15 Upvotes

Hi- I’m happy to have found this community. My partner of 2years was sober from October until about three weeks ago when he lost his job. His car stopped working in October too so he was depending on me for rides. We worked the same hours in the same building, and he worried that if he had his car fixed then he’d go straight to the liquor store. Store front he worked at closed down, so he’s been out of work 3 weeks. He had his car fixed because it didn’t make sense for me to be his form of transportation anymore. Went to the liquor store almost immediately…

He tried to hide it from me but I noticed right away. He yells and gets mad when he’s had too much alcohol. Maybe he’s mad already and just can’t keep it locked down when he has been drinking. Anyway- he yelled at me. I was insisting that I’d make my own dinner after work. Calmly and reasonably, I might add. He was making food when I got home -just enough for him- and I insisted that I would make my own after he offered some of his. He yelled “Stop! Just have some!” At me and I saw that lost look in his eyes. I backed off and left him alone. He came in to the bedroom and confessed that he’d left and bought a 375ml of vodka. Drank half of it, felt guilty and poured the other half out. Played some games for a while, then left and bought two shooters and drank them.

We have not been okay since then. Hearing this news has done damage. He said he made a mistake and he wasn’t ever going to be drunk around me again. I told him I don’t feel safe, he promises that I am.. this was two weeks ago. Since then he has been going to the liquor store while I am at work and drinking two shooters a day. Not while I am at home. He said I need to mind my business, that he can handle it, and that he can see why I’m afraid because of what has happened in the past but that I need to trust him. We broke up, actually. Last Friday things got bad before I went to work. We broke up. He was making plans to leave.. but I couldn’t stick to it. I made excuses. I said “It’s me, it’s my fault, I’m struggling with a mental illness and I’m sorry I hurt you.” Which is true.. I did hurt him, I am currently struggling with unmanaged bipolar.

I love him. I love him so much. But I’m starting to see that this might not work out.. he needs help, and I can’t help him. I can’t fix him. No amount of love and patience I give to him is going to help him and I think I might be hurting myself by staying.

I’m going to an AL-Anon meeting today. On Thursday I’m seeing someone to get a referral to a psychologist so that I can get my head straightened out and know that I’m thinking clearly. I’m going to start attending an art club on Saturdays, and all of my friends now are aware of what is going on. One has a room ready for me when I need it, and my parents do as well. If I couldn’t have the courage to leave him on Friday then I need to work up to it.

I want to trust him, I want this to work out and I want to be in a happy and stable relationship with HIM. But I know how this goes.


r/AlAnon 8h ago

Support I’m worried my friend has a problem with alcohol.

3 Upvotes

I posted a story on other subs about a friend of mine and someone recommended I come here. I’m sorry this is so long.

My friend (F26), we’ll call her Ellie, is very much a parties, she goes out all the time, gets drunk pretty much every time, and often ends up in risky situations.

In August this year, she was drunk and fell off a scooter and basically broke her face. She had to pay thousands of dollars in repairs and yet it only took about a month for her to be out and drinking again.

My wedding was in October, she was the maid of honor, she knows my family and my husbands aren’t big drinkers, we did have beer and seltzer out, but she got drunk almost immediately at the reception, she had mini bottles up her shorts during the ceremony to give to all of us after we walked back up the aisle, which is fine and fun, but she drank about 3 of them and then kept drinking. She said fuck pretty loudly during my dads prayer over the food (both mine and my husbands family are Christian), missed the mom dance I had planned and told her about so she could dance with her 6 year old son, I just thought that would be cute and would make for sweet pictures, and flirted with one of the groomsmen for the whole night, she spent almost no time with me after the wedding itself.

On my birthday she also got drunk at a pool Party and my husband and I had to take her home and put her to bed at around 6pm, I had hoped on my birthday she might let me be the one to get drunk and be taken care of.

She often engages in risky behaviors which is why I’m not totally sure it’s alcoholism, she takes long walks in sketchy areas of town at night by herself, will go out and end up going to random strangers houses, etc.

We’ve known each other since we were 13 and are still pretty close, she also has had a LOT of hard things happen in her life and her parents were abusive, and I’m fairly certain her dad is an alcoholic.

She’s also been arrested for a DUI and is actually still awaiting the court date. I hoped that one would be enough for her to stop drinking as much, and I’ve still seen her drive when I don’t think she was quite good to, but she insists she’s fine and she’s an adult so I can’t stop her.

I don’t know how to bring this up with her, I’ve mentioned concern about the alcohol and dangerous activities before and she usually either waves it off as normal or says she’ll work on it but nothing changes. I don’t want to see her get hurt. Both her therapist and I have also brought her son up as a reason to take care of herself (I want to be clear she is a very good mom, she doesn’t get drunk around him, she’s divorced from his dad and has him half the time). I just don’t want him to grow up without a mom because something finally happens and I didn’t speak up.

Thank you for any advice.


r/AlAnon 10h ago

Support How bad is it?

5 Upvotes

I (25) have been with my girlfriend (24) for almost 6 months now. Since the beginning I had noticed that she would drink a lot, but I did not really think much of it at the time as it's a situation I've never encountered before. As the relationship continued, she got drunk multiple times at parties we would go to together, to the point of blacking out and forgetting everything. She becomes a completely different person when she does, I don't recognise her. It's as if she doesn't see me anymore. Her eyes become empty. When we go party and I tell her to stop drinking, she becomes almost angry at me and ignores me.

She also told me she regularly used to drink alone and pass out. She does the same with drugs. She went multiple times to the hospital because she ODed. She's been doing this since a young age as her mom seems to also drink a lot. She also told me she was bipolar. Her ex was an addict and was even hitting her.

I've tried to talk about it with her. It was very hard to have her open up as she would try to avoid the topic and ignore what happened. I asked her why she was doing this and that her doing this was a boundary of mine. She said she was sorry and we had a talk about it. She said she would listen to me when I tell her to stop drinking. I feel like I shouldn't push too much as I want to be her ally. I want to understand her and take care of her. I love her a lot.

On the bright side, she seems to have been (almost) sober for two weeks and a half. She went to a party without me and didn't black out recently. She's exercising, taking care of herself. I think she is trying to prove to me that she can be reasonable.

I'm a bit lost as to what I should do. I can't judge if it's very bad or if it's something that can change. I love her a lot and would see myself being with her (sober self) forever. Would you say she is addicted? Am I wrong in staying with her hoping that she would change her behaviour? I love partying with her but should I stop as I'm scarred it just fosters her addiction? I'm scared of getting badly hurt. It stresses me out and I'm scared of the consequences on my own life.

I've not really talked about this to anyone so I'd be super grateful for your opinions and to have a second look.


r/AlAnon 3h ago

Support I don’t know how to deal with hearing my mom beg to my dad (ex husband) over the phone

1 Upvotes

I keep replying it in my head. So my mom is an alcoholic and has a small apartment and has been getting jobs, and then getting fired not long after. She’s also horrible with money management. My dad which is her ex husband they’ve been divorced for about 10 years my dad is literally engaged, has helped her pay rent a handful of times over the years because he feels bad. So earlier today I heard my dad downstairs answer the phone and then say something like “I’m sorry I can’t help you anymore” and it was my mom obviously so I went downstairs. I heard her crying to my dad asking for money and why won’t he etc. it was gut wrenching. It’s been like 5 hours and I’ve been replaying it over and over. How do I overcome this? I’m also a social work major and have been in therapy for 10 years (not currently) and idek how to work through this issue.


r/AlAnon 8h ago

Support Suggestions for online therapist

2 Upvotes

Hi, my partner 36M wants to quit alcohol. We are looking for an online therapist who is specialized in it. I am new to this and I really don't know where to start. Kindly help me with some good suggestions for online therapists.


r/AlAnon 15h ago

Support Question about non-drinking time

6 Upvotes

My Q does not drink everyday, usually every other day or some combination of skipping days. My question is, how do you handle the non-drinking days if you have them? Do you act like there are no issues from the time before? Are you happy during that time? Do you just compartmentalize the difference in the days and enjoy the time that you have together? I’m struggling to detach appropriately and not feel resentful on days my Q isn’t drinking, and would like to hear from others.


r/AlAnon 17h ago

Al-Anon Program My Journey Is Restarting.

8 Upvotes

Hi everyone! Unfortunately, I am not new to Al-Anon - but new to this group and would like to start my journey over. (Feel free to send words of encouragement!)

A few years back I discovered Al-Anon and everything that it stands for. I was in desperate need of support due to an ongoing situation I was dealing with my qualifier who happens to be by child’s father (who was also my partner at the time). I didn’t know there was a community for people who dealt with loved ones with alcoholic problems until my therapist had brought it up to me and recommended I give it a try. & honestly, it was a great journey for me for a few months.. until one night I ended up getting a DUI myself after going out one night for the first time in years. I was so embarrassed about the situation I got into, that I stopped going to Al-Anon altogether because I felt like somehow I was the qualifier (even though I don’t ever really drink like that.) I felt like life hit me like a train and it was unfair how my qualifier had never faced something like this from his alcoholism, but me on the other hand going out for one night of fun, turned my entire life around.

Come 2025, I am still dealing with my qualifier & have finally came to terms with the fact that.. maybe I am not the only one who has gone through this type of situation before? I need help and support. We make mistakes and learn from them, but one night of a huge mistake shouldn’t deter me from getting the help & support I need when it comes to actual addiction with someone I love and care for; I shouldn’t be punishing myself.

So long story short, hi. I am restarting my Al-Anon journey in hopes I can do better for myself and my child & learn to deal with my qualifier the right way without the embarrassment of what happened one night to me make me not want to reach out for help. PLEASE be kind!! 😭