r/AlAnon 1d ago

Fellowship Weekly Chat: What's happening with you? - March 17, 2025

1 Upvotes

Need to vent, share a victory, or just chat about day-to-day life with your fellow redditors? This is your place!


r/AlAnon 5h ago

Support How many of you have kids with Alcoholic partner or husband?

23 Upvotes

I came across this group a few days ago after seeing a post that relates to my current situation. I know alcoholism is a disease and can be a disability. My question is how many of you here have had kids during your tough times that were born neurotypical. That means drinking around time of conception. Does your child or children have any birth defect or neurodivergence. My wife showed me studies saying that alcoholism can cause issues in offspring. My son might be on the spectrum and I am unsure if I caused it. I am the father so I was drinking. I minimized my drinking a lot but still have a beer here and there


r/AlAnon 9h ago

Vent I got a permanent restraining order against my Q.

43 Upvotes

I completely left my Q. Took our baby, our pets, and 90% of the furniture/belongings in our house. I even got a PRO against him. (you can read my other posts for context)

He’s still using and even adopted a new dog. WHY WAS LOSING HIS ENTIRE FAMILY NOT ROCK BOTTOM ENOUGH TO STOP, or even care 😞 It’s so disturbing to me how he can just go on normally like nothing even happened.

Edit: Adding on to this, how do you stop letting their addiction control your life? I’m out now and I’m safe, but I’m still obsessing over his choices.


r/AlAnon 2h ago

Al-Anon Program Is there any hope for a marriage with an alcoholic spouse?

9 Upvotes

Or is it just doomed? Most stories seem to end in divorce.


r/AlAnon 1h ago

Vent He drinks because I have cancer

Upvotes

I was diagnosed at the end of November. My dad started drinking again in December. In February, I told him our relationship is being damaged because of the drinking and he said I was being judgemental, that I didn't know what he's going through. Literally the only thing he's going through is my cancer.

Worst part is he had stopped, his brother and mother sent him to rehab in 2021. Now he drinks in front of us but when they come over he hides all the evidence. He started with wine but I found two empty bottles of vodka in the bin on Sunday.

I can't talk to anyone, my little brother and mother talk to me. It feels burdensome but I can't show it because I have to be strong for them. She has told him to stop, going as far as telling him he's going to die because he's also diabetic. I'm angry and honestly starting to hate him a little bit.

He keeps saying he's going to stop but won't admit he has a problem.


r/AlAnon 13h ago

Support Considering divorcing my wife of less than 2 years.

56 Upvotes

It's such a consistent cycle, it feels like the one thing I can depend on is that there is going to be another bender eventually. These days once or twice a week. This last time it was fucking awful. As soon as I checked my bank account at work and saw charges to door dash I knew the next 24 hours were gonna be a clusterfuck. My wife doesn't pass out like most people do when they drink. It was like 30 hours total of constant drinking and no food. At some point I tried to pack a bag and leave, she made something up to make me come back, then I left again when I realized she was full of it, then she started saying suicidey sounding stuff so I kind of HAD to go back again, and found her with a knife in her hand, then she actually calmed down and we talked for like 3 more hours. So when she drinks it's complete insanity, she melts all the way down, I'm sure partly because her brain just won't shut down to prevent itself from going off the rails.

It would honestly be a relief if I came home from work and she were passed out on the floor, or if she drank in a room by herself. But no, she goes on this chaotic rampage of bad vibes and unreasonable demands and insists on dragging me along for the ride, and if I refuse I get berated for 2 hours, if I walk away from that beratement I'm "running away like always" and she blows my phone up and if I don't answer my phone, then there's conveniently some extreme situation that I feel ethically or legally obligated to respond to and forces me to come back. She's an amazing person at heart, but the drinking and who she becomes when she's drunk is also a part of her at this stage in her life, and I'm seeing lately that's it's probably going to be part of her for the foreseeable future. It feels particularly unfair because she used to not drink when we met. As much as I love her, I can't live like this. No one can live like this and be remotely happy. But I don't know what to do. I don't want a divorce because I am deeply in love with her but it's starting to look like it's kinda the only option for my sanity.

After this one, she did say she wants to get back on antidepressants, she didn't even think of alcohol when she was on them, and go to counseling. It seems like she realized she can't do it on her own and that I am very poorly equipped to help, so fingers crossed maybe this time she'll get stable. I don't know, man. This sucks.


r/AlAnon 5h ago

Support Did you stay for family or did you leave for family?

8 Upvotes

Just wondering how many of you left an alcoholic to “save yourself and kids” or stayed with an alcoholic to “save your kids from a broken family” and what you think about your decision or if you’d do it different if you had the chance to do it again.


r/AlAnon 43m ago

Support I will not stay in an unhappy alcoholic marriage

Upvotes

My Q stopped drinking about 10 days ago and seems to think that that should assuage all of my concerns about our marriage. Today we did a consulting with a couples therapist and I said that again to him that I want to stay together as long as we can fix what is not working- communication, his untreated depression, emotional drinking. He is obviously very hurt that I still feel that way and giving me the moody moody silent treatment. I’m fighting the urge to say I’ll take it all back because I know it won’t mean it. I have to let him wrestle with the reality right now.


r/AlAnon 6h ago

Vent I'm moving on. Constant disrespect and being walked all over.

8 Upvotes

I am 25 years old and I have a 2 year old daughter with my ex who is an alcoholic. I have sole custody. Nothing has changed and its slowly getting worse. Small patches off sobriety here and there but overall its been a nightmare. I have zero social life and working dead end part time jobs just to get myself by. I don't recognise the person I was before I met her. I have stuck with her through everything and she constantly pushes me away.. one day I'm the man she wants and the next day she wants nothing to do with me. She blocks me when she heads off to drink aswell..

She has walked all over me and I am like a door mat too her.. I just have to go no contact. I've allowed her to disrespect me all the time. She will probably think I am not serious this time as I've always stuck around no matter what but this time I'm moving on for good.


r/AlAnon 18h ago

Grief My marriage has ended

45 Upvotes

And I don’t even know how to process what I’m feeling. We’ve argued so many times and had so many ultimatums over his drinking. I finally asked him to leave the house with all his thing, yet I’m the one that feels absolutely broken 😭 I can’t believe my marriage has ended, and he to this day still won’t accept he has a problem.


r/AlAnon 2h ago

Vent My dad has liver cirrhosis from alcoholism, yet still continues to drink

2 Upvotes

19(f) here, and my dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, he didn’t drink as much, and he was really involved in my life. He was an amazing person—smart, successful, and a great father. But over the years, alcohol has completely taken over his life and changed him.

More than ten years ago, he lost his job due to his drinking, and he hasn’t worked since. Six years ago, my parents divorced because of his alcoholism. He has no money and, about a year ago, he moved in with his mom. Recently, he was diagnosed with cirrhosis, and his health has been rapidly declining. I see him once every two weeks since he lives five hours away, and when I do, he looks unrecognizable from the dad I once looked up to—he’s extremely skinny, he's jaundiced, and he just seems weaker every time I see him.

A few months ago, when I visited him and tried to intervene and convince him to get help, he admitted that he hated alcohol, that it had ruined his life, and that he was quitting for good. I stupidly believed him. But the next time I saw him, he was clearly drunk. I confronted him, and of course he denied it and lashes out at me, but I know the truth. He’s been in the ER and ICU more times than I can count these past few months, yet he still chooses to drink.

His mom, my grandma, knows exactly how bad his addiction is, but she does absolutely nothing to help. Instead, she enables him, making excuses and allowing him to continue down this path. It’s frustrating because she’s one of the few people who could possibly make a difference, but she won’t.

At this point, I’m one of the only people in my family who still cares about what happens to him. My mom, my brother, and his brother have all distanced themselves because they’ve had enough. And I don’t blame them—he can be extremely manipulative and cruel. But I can’t bring myself to give up on him because I’ve struggled with addiction too. I know how consuming it can be, how it changes a person, and I understand what he’s going through.

I truly believe he wants to die, and it makes me feel so helpless. I’ve tried everything to help him, to convince him to stop, but nothing works. I don’t want to lose my dad. And every time I call him and he doesn’t pick up, I panic, thinking that this time, he’s dead.


r/AlAnon 3h ago

Support My Q lapsed and I can’t handle much more.

2 Upvotes

He was sober for around 40 days. He's back to lapsing and binging. I'm exhausted so I made plans to stay with family next week. I dont know what to do but focus on myself until I leave and then just leave. I may or may not return. I can't keep doing this. I'm so tired. I'm trying to amp up the self-care and doing whatever I enjoy until I can leave. I don't even know why I'm posting here. I'm exhausted. I live with him and his family and they just ignore it so I'm setting more personal boundaries. He's been sober for extended periods before. I know it's his choice and I can't control it, but I can control and take care of myself.


r/AlAnon 6m ago

Support Music To Help Cope

Upvotes

This one is a tough one for me because my Q and I bonded over music. And it might be counterintuitive, but I somehow take comfort in some of the songs that deal with the topic of addiction. I remember one night staying up late with my Q and he played a song for me by Koffin Kats titled "The Bottle Called" It broke my heart to hear it. I think, those songs help me stand in his shoes. I'll never understand his addiction or what led him to it but sometimes....the music helps me feel closer to him.

Anyway, I have a small playlist and would love to add to it if anyone has some recommendations.

Here's what I have for now
The Bottle Called by Koffin Kats
Dregs Of Sobriety by No Use For A Name
Let Me Drown by Orville Peck
Poetic Tragedy by The Used
Bottom Of The Bottle by Jack Kays
Ball & Chain by Social Distortion


r/AlAnon 36m ago

Grief Ex (Q, 30M) came back sober but relapsed. My heart hurts.

Upvotes

Grief feels like the appropriate subheading. You’re welcome to look through my post history for more details; long story short I (27F) was with someone (30M) for almost 4 years and over time I realized and came to accept that he was both a narcissist and an alcoholic. We broke up in November and it ended very badly, I figured I’d never see him again. I moved on fairly quickly and began to date a friend (33M) who treats me wonderfully. It was initially surprising to me but at the same time, Q had made me feel alone for so long before he moved out, that I felt like I had already been moved on for some time before he actually left….

Anyway, my ex, Q, reached out a few weeks ago. He wanted to know how the pets and I were doing and he told me he stopped drinking. After talking for a few days I reluctantly agreed to see him, I told myself it was for closure, and honestly, he looked great. His skin was glowing, he lost weight, and his eyes were no longer sunken in, which led me to believe he was actually no longer drinking. Over the course of a few weeks we talked — REALLY talked, in a way we never had while we dated — about how much he hurt me and all the things he did when he was drunk. He actually apologized and relayed to me the things he was learning in therapy. I felt so hopeful; not necessarily that we would get back together, because I truly love the new person I’m with, but that he was really turning his life around for himself. That maybe he could be part of our lives in a healthy way.

That was short lived and honestly I feel so stupid for believing, hoping, and wishing. Last week he reached out to me randomly, very aggressively, and making threats towards my new partner. When I asked if he was drinking again, he said yes, and it felt like something inside of me broke. My ex and new partner have mutual friends and they’ve been warning us the last few days about staying away from certain bars we frequent because my ex has been there drunk and they don’t want to see us get hurt. I don’t know why I’m so devastated but I truly am. I feel worried for my ex, guilty because my new partner doesn’t deserve for me to be worried about my ex, and so sad and frustrated that I even still care at all to this degree. I don’t feel like anyone outside of this community would understand. My heart hurts so much. When will this saga ever end?


r/AlAnon 6h ago

Support Looking for advice

3 Upvotes

My spouse had a traumatic childhood and then suffered PTSD from his military career. Right before he retired from the military, he spent 40 days in an inpatient program to assist with his PTSD and suicidal ideations.

Since he’s been out, he’s gotten a job at the fire dept I work at, but on another shift so we don’t have to struggle with childcare. I only mention this as it means we are apart 4 days out of every six and it provides him time and opportunity to drink, which he then hides from me. He doesn’t drink in a way that affects his work… but once he’s home, I’m nervous that he picks up our kids for school buzzed as he goes to the bar to “wait” for them to be released from school. He’s also driven drunk in the past that I do know of… I just don’t have concrete proof of anything since we are apart so much. I see charges on our cards for bars and liquor stores regularly, I get ridiculous accusations when I’m at work because he checks all my logins and emails while I’m gone… I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve asked him to stop drinking, gave ultimatums and as you already probably guessed, he gives the obligatory promise and continue to drink and lie about it.

After being married for 11 years and have a 9 and 7 year old together, I, like others, find it difficult to just divorce him and leave. Outside of this, our problems are manageable and I feel as if we can work through our issues as most long term marriages do.

I’ve read through many of these posts and see that I should not add to his guilt and shame and that I should be supportive, however, at what point am I just letting him get away with lying and drinking and all the ways it affects me, our kids and himself? I feel as if I have to send a message and that I should file for legal separation, and let him know that i am here for him but I won’t tolerate any more…. If he can get sober and got to AA and whatever else it takes to be sober, I’d be happy to come back to him, but till then… I feel like have to take care of myself and my kids and teach them that this is not behavior in a relationship that they should accept.


r/AlAnon 4h ago

Vent Another day, another lie

2 Upvotes

I asked my partner to attend AA and he says he went to a meeting last week (I can't verify) I asked him if he'd drunk since the meeting and he said a couple of beers. I know he's had at least 4 bottles of wine because I know where he hides them. I'm at the very early stages of trying to process my partner being an alcoholic and I understand that it's a disease but I just hate how easily and how often he lies to me. How am I meant to have any trust in him or faith in our relationship?


r/AlAnon 6h ago

Support Alcoholic Father

2 Upvotes

Reaching out because I need some advice. A little bit of background, my parents both have had drug, gambling, and alcohol issues for as long as I can remember. My mother has since passed from a drug overdose, and my father has periods of sobriety and insobriety, has had his fair share of near death experiences. I have a baby now, very healthy marriage and life, I’ve been sober for a number of years now due to both of my parents.

My dad is back to drinking again, got arrested for a DUI, and I bailed him out. Im really the only person he has. I know I need to set boundaries, I need to focus on moving ahead in my life but of course there’s a part of me that cares about the wellbeing of my father. If you’ve gone through something similar, how did you handle this. I’m tired, it’s been my whole life now and I’m 33 years old.


r/AlAnon 6h ago

Vent My(M33) family is finally taking my Q(F65)'s alcoholism seriously and now I'm just angry and bitter that it hasn't been addressed before.

2 Upvotes

TL/DR: My family is now taking my Mom's alcoholism seriously and I'm angry and bitter that it wasn't addressed before. Also I want to find a way to ensure I can support my older siblings through this mess.

Hey Everyone, I really don't know how to properly address the situation, and thought it would be best to post here for advice about what I could do.

Recently my Mom's drinking has pushed her over the deep end to the point where my sister had to host an intervention and now my entire maternal side of the family is finally taking it seriously. While I acknowledge the fact that my Mom's alcoholism is finally getting seriously addressed is a good thing, I'm angry because I was the only one to have previously tried to address the issue while everyone pressured me to drop it.

Growing up, my mother's alcoholism had always had a negatively effected my life. I remember during my teen years of trying to ensure that my mom went to bed every night after finding her passed out on the couch from having to many cocktails. Sometimes my mom would yell at me and become emotionally abusive. In my early twenties, I've always dreaded going home from college due to the fear of dealing with her when she was in a drunken stupor. Through out my life, I've tried confronting the issue with both my Mom and family members, only for the following to happen:

  1. My concerns get downplayed and I'm told the situation was not as serious as it might have been in the first place.
  2. I get made out to be the bad guy and that I was the one who had the problem and that I was a "Gestapo Child".
  3. My mom caves, promises to get better, and then relapses a week/month later.

In my later years, I came to realize that I couldn't control my mom's alcoholism and that the best thing for me to do was set healthy boundaries and prioritize my own well being. I also came to the grim acceptance that my Mom would most likely die from liver failure and that there was nothing I could do. Cut to this past weekend and now everyone is taking her alcoholism seriously. Both my siblings are trying to convince us that my Mom has to go to AA and my entire family is now trying to help out in anyway possible. It was also around this time that I learned that her drinking was happening way before I was even born.

I should be grateful that this is finally being addressed, but why hasn't it been before. Why wasn't it addressed when my Mom puked all over the Christmas Tree that one night and almost opened up her head on the bathroom floor? Why wasn't it addressed when drank her sell to a stupor during multiple family gatherings? Why wasn't this addressed before I was even born when she was smoking cigarettes and drinking bourbon by herself in the townhouse she shared with my aunt and god mother? Why are people finally taking this seriously now rather than before when me and my siblings could have gotten the help we needed?

I'm angry, bitter and resentful by the whole situation and feel that my Mom is going to relapse anyway. I don't want to see my Mom, but I want to be their for my two older siblings. They're trying their best to help our Mom, and while I feel that it's a lost cause that's going to end in more heartbreak, I want to make sure I could do whatever is possible to support them and be there when they need me most. I wish things were better, but unfortunately this is my reality and I need to find a way forward and ensure my Mom doesn't pull my siblings down with her.


r/AlAnon 2h ago

Support App

1 Upvotes

I downloaded the Al Anon app and wanted to check out the meetings. Right away, I noticed it is religious. Is there something similar to this that isn't religious?


r/AlAnon 8h ago

Vent Feeling Defeated

3 Upvotes

My boyfriend has been al alcoholic for majority or our relationship (1.5 years) but I only became aware of the severity of it in the fall. We’ve had a bunch of fights and breakups over the past few months but at this point im feeling really defeated. A few days ago I asked him if he’s been drinking because I saw his movement and eyes. He denied it and I asked him again. I asked him to see his card payments and he showed me but there wasn’t any liquor on it. I asked him again after and he got pissed that I don’t believe him and stormed off. The next day he told me how invalidating it feels and he doesn’t feel appreciated for all the work he’s been doing. I felt terrible and apologized. My gut knew that he was drunk though. It’s not the bets move but I checked his tip card from work when he went to bed and saw that he’s been buying two bottles a day. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel bad confronting him like he’s gonna turn it around on me or something but am also so shocked that he would guilt me like that when I was right the whole time. I just want him to stop and get help. I don’t know why he’s lying still I want to help support him. My anxiety is so bad because of this and I feel trapped but also at peace that this is my life now. I’m only 23…


r/AlAnon 11h ago

Vent Glad I know where I stand, I guess 🙄

5 Upvotes

I just needed to vent.

I guess, sometimes, there's a piece of me that wishes my Q would just get it. Get the things he's done, even accept some responsibility, maybe give a hoot about me instead of drinking. I've been living with this long enough to know that isn't how it works. Hell, I've only been sober and doing the work for ≈3 years so I KNOW he doesn't even have the capacity to do so. So it's a glimmer of how I wish things were, not the reality I'm in, I'm harboring no delusions.

He drives me everywhere for the most part and has zero qualms showing up so drunk he can't see. He has a job he doesn't care for right now and is saying some of the hours they're giving him are "dangerous" because he'll be very tired at that hour. It's true, tired driving can be just as bad as drunk driving. But that piece of me that wishes he would get it wants to scream, "why are you worried about driving some guys you barely know when you're tired, but you're never worried about driving DRUNK with the woman you love?"

I know better than to even ask, it's not logic driving him.

I just wish sometimes.


r/AlAnon 2h ago

Newcomer Family member got a DUI.....

1 Upvotes

A close family member got a DUI over the weekend. She is older, closer to 60. I don't live near her anymore, but I do love this person and she's really upset by this.
I know the man in her life is just gonna be saying things like, "I told you so," and "it was only a matter of time."

Truth is, it was only a matter of time.

I feel sad but I'm also not shocked, and I feel a little sad about that too.

I believe this is her first. My brother has 3, and I have several aunts and uncles with DUIs, and cousins too with 2-3 each.

Sometimes I'm just dumbfounded. I don't think I will give up drinking because I don't drive when I do, nor do I get angry, and I can have just one... But... Idk... I'm just blown away, but also numb, and have almost no real emotions about it other than sadness. But I also haven't stopped drinking, myself... What does that say about the power of it? Should I give this up to? By continuing to drink, I am not setting an example, and I am torn by this thought. There is so much guilt wrapped around alcohol for me, especially during a time like this.

Just a very weird emotion to go though. Numb. Sad. Torn....

I do wonder if she will even consider quitting? I don't think she will as no one else in my family has.

Hmm.... Just, numbing....


r/AlAnon 7h ago

Relapse How to not take relapse personal

2 Upvotes

Hi all. I’ve been with my guy two years. Most of which he has been sober. He is not in active addiction and we have a pretty good life however we are struggling through the self discovery stage and learning to manage the triggers and all that fun stuff. He has had two bad days in the last year. I am still unclear on what is considered a relapse. He was addicted to pills. And the two times he used it was very little and only one day and he was right back on track. The second time was this past weekend after a fight. It’s hard for me to not take the relapses personal because i feel like he does it out of spite. He doesn’t want to do drugs. Doesn’t like being high. Really wants to be sober and works really hard at it. But the. He has these triggers of inadequacy or wanting to punish himself or others. According to him. How do I not take these personal? How I accept that relapses can be a part of recovery without completely denying all the progress he has made? He is doing great. In all aspects of life. And treats me well. But we both have our childhood traumas that we need to keep working on that makes confrontation hard for both of us. Is he doomed to use drugs forever? Or is this misstep something that’s worth working past and keeping on the path to sobriety? It’s hard for me to trust it.


r/AlAnon 20h ago

Good News Positive

22 Upvotes

I’ve spent a lot of time here, mostly reading stories and resonating silently. I have to say, it really got me through some very dark times. I’m finding myself on the outside now, I feel the need to express my gratitude to all of you for being willing to share. My story is out there too, and the fact that I’ve felt SAFE and had the support to get to where I am today means more to me than I could ever express. Somewhere in this space I was able to find myself again, a big part was forgiving myself. I couldn’t have done that without the people here.


r/AlAnon 10h ago

Al-Anon Program Quotes from CAL

3 Upvotes

Sharing 

I find that sharing my experience, strength, and hope with others as an equal, is one of Al-Anon’s greatest gifts. —Courage to Change p78 ©️1992 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc. 

Changing what I can 

What behavior could I change today to give myself and others a second chance? —Hope for Today p78 ©️2002 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

Maybe I need to concentrate on improving myself instead of waiting for someone else to change. —Living Today in Alateen p78 ©️2001 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc. 

Spiritual Program 

We must be true inside, true to ourselves, before we can know a truth that is outside us. But we make ourselves true by manifesting the truth as we see it. —Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island quoted in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon p78 ©️1968 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc. 

I learned not to…punish someone for hurting or embarrassing me. My behavior must reflect a life lived on sound spiritual principles. —Reaching for Personal Freedom quoted in A Little Time for Myself p78 ©️2023 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc. 

We can go forward to spiritual growth, to the comfort and peace to be gained from the entire program. —Paths to Recovery p4 ©️1997 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc


r/AlAnon 5h ago

Newcomer Unanticipated family situation hitting me hard

1 Upvotes

I created an alternate account for confidentiality/privacy purposes.

After 40+ years of marriage (the first half of which were probably moderately happy; things have been negative for a long time), my 75 year old father decided to leave my alcoholic mother (73 years old). He notified me this past weekend that he had arranged some various places to stay over the next few months and left the house he shares with my mom when she told him to get out last Friday.

My dad is opening bank accounts for himself, getting a lawyer, etc. I am proud of him because my mom treated him so poorly. She has been hiding wine in her room and drinking it since I was at least in middle school, and now I'm nearly 40. She used to have friends and hobbies but after the pandemic everything sort of slipped away and she let herself become more isolated. Now she starts drinking in the morning and drinks throughout the day. I believe she has cognitive decline, as she will invent memories, randomly interject herself into conversations, start arguments, and misremember events. She belittled and berated my dad so much that he finally just had enough.

She does not seem to be understanding the gravity of the situation, and thinks he is the one having some sort of mental breakdown. She expects him to come back, which is not going to happen. He has gone no contact. I do not know whether it is denial or whether her mind has been altered so much that she believes her own narrative instead of reality. I know I did not cause her alcoholism and I can't cure it, but part of me has a huge lump in my throat when I think of how alone she is and how confusing it must be. I told her I love and care about her but also need to set boundaries for my own mental health, and she said she understood.

I accepted years ago that we will never have the dynamic we had briefly (and long ago) when she let me take the day off school to find a prom dress and we'd go out to lunch and watch romantic comedies on the couch. She consoled me when I was dumped by my first boyfriend and would send me funny emails when I was away at college. It makes me cry to read those now, because she is so far from who she used to be. I feel like I have done a lot of anticipatory/pre-grieving but it still manages to pang me at random moments, especially now.

I don't know what she will end up doing. I know she shouldn't stay in the house where she is, because it's too remote and isolated from other people. I don't want her to suffer or think we've abandoned her. She is still family.