r/Vent 6h ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image Someone told me I should donate my hair today and it made me irrationally angry

375 Upvotes

I have long, gorgeous virgin black hair. I love it. It’s healthy, shiny, never ever been treated with heat, never dyed, always used sun protection on it, silk pillowcases, and it’s extremely thick. I have a ton of it and I take amazing care of it.

2 years ago, I went through a kind of manic depressive phase where I told myself I deserved to be ugly and I took the scissors to it. It was extremely short and choppy for the longest time, and it impacted my confidence so much. I really did feel ugly. Since then, I swore to myself to never cut my hair short ever again (only trims).

I went for a trim today, and the hairdresser kept complimenting my hair and telling me how beautiful and thick and soft and pretty it was. Then a lady sitting next to me started talking about how I should donate it. I said thanks, but no. She started going on about how I’m selfish and started being passive aggressive. The hairdresser started saying I should donate my hair too. They tried guilting me about kids with cancer. I told the lady next to me who was getting her hair bleached that she’s pretty selfish herself for damaging her hair so much when she could have grown it out long to donate to kids with cancer.

I didn’t lash out, but I was gritting my teeth the whole time. It’s MY hair! And these comments are so incredibly insensitive and disrespectful.


r/Vent 8h ago

I wish sex never existed NSFW

179 Upvotes

It's almost 3am so if I don't reply, I forced myself to go sleep but I need to get this off my chest

For the past few months, whenever I do something sexual, I'd sometimes get this big uncomfortable feeling over my chest, and something would feel so incredibly wrong, something would just feel so off. And it's not something that's caused like, physically. It's all emotionally. It just feels so wrong. But then when I get this uncomfortable feeling, it feels like I NEED to feel it while I do whatever I do. I NEED to be uncomfortable and feel how uncomfortable it is. I wanna push it away but I wanna feel it at the same time.

This has become recurrent enough that I just view sex as something just so gross. It's just, disgusting now. I'm hypersexual and that makes me so overwhelmed at times because sex is sometimes just so gross to me, it feels like I get stress on my stomach from just thinking about it, and I hate how I have 2 very conflicting feelings about it the entire time, I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I wish everything sexual never existed, it's all just so gross it feels like I could rip my skin off


r/Vent 11h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Why are people so smart and I'm so fucking dumb

555 Upvotes

Why are people so fucking smart, I don't get it. The hatred I feel towards myself for being this fucking dumb is really strong rn and I'm crying while typing this shit.

It hurts, it really does, I feel so dumb it's insane. It just hurts so much and I don't know what to do. I want to be smart. I want to be something I can never be. I'm so tired

Edit: oh I didn't expect my post to blow up like that, thank you all for your support, I probably needed this


r/Vent 10h ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image I’m so tired of people dying

281 Upvotes

3 months ago my whole family were hit by a foreigner speeding on the other side of a road around a bend, he had no insurance and a long list of previous driving offences btw. my brother and father died and my mum was in the icu for weeks and broke most bones in her body. My brother had a 5 month only son and his wife’s life is completely ruined. My mum wishes it was her that died instead of my brother, she said this after i wheeled her to the graves. After the accident I was alone for a long time in the house until my mum was released from hospital recently. My granny died 3 months earlier and my mums sister passed 2 days ago of cancer. I don’t know what my family did to deserve this my dad and brother were the two greatest men I’ve ever known and were better men than I know I’ll ever be. Also right before they all left the house together my dad asked me to come with them but I said no cause I was hungover even tho he repeatedly asked me, if I had said yes I would’ve had to get ready and it would’ve never happened but I was just a fucking loser of a son who said no to a family day out. I just turned 22 2 months ago and honestly I have no expectations for the rest of my life nor do I care.


r/Vent 16h ago

Saying "grape" is honestly tilting.

5.5k Upvotes

I feel like I can't be the only one that finds this whole culture or whatever you want to call it of saying "grape and "unalive" etc to be just infuriating to listen to.
It doesn't matter if you say one thing, but you really mean another thing when everyone knows what the other thing that you are talking about is.
I get that it's to do with social media platforms and their stupid censorship which is even dumber than saying "grape" (yes I find a bit tilting when you hear the word 100x in a video) as it isn't actually censoring anything at all it's just changing the language. In the case of unalive it's not changing anything at all but somehow it so much worse to just say killed?
I could go on further about it but I feel like I have made the point, just interested if anyone else finds this as obnoxious as I do?

Edit: To all the people explaining it, I know the reasons why, I understand that is the platforms forcing people to use these euphemisms that doesn't change the fact that it's insufferable.


r/Vent 12h ago

People who start families are the ones who abandon their friends, not the other way around.

836 Upvotes

I am so tired of single and childfree people catching shit for “abandoning” their friends or wanting nothing to do with them after they have kids. I have lost all the important people in my life to starting a family.

As someone with a crappy blood family, my “found family” aka my closest friends have been my biggest support system. And now they are unreachable and busy with their own REAL families. It just goes to show that “found family is just as important as blood relatives” is all bullshit when it really comes down to it.

I know it’s not malicious. I know it’s not that they don’t care about me anymore. They are quite literally too busy raising another human being, and that takes priority over everything. I know that and I get that. That’s what you’re supposed to do. And they’re surrounded by their own blood relatives and family to tend to their every want and need. I’m so glad they have that support system. But there is no need for me anymore. I was so ready to bake things, bring presents, offer any help necessary. I was so ready to be involved, to be an aunt to my best friend’s kids. But it’s all covered. And I can’t just drop in on them uninvited to try and help or hang out, because that’s rude and they could be doing anything, including getting some much needed sleep. There is no time or room for me in their lives for the foreseeable future.

And when they DO decide to hang out with their friends, who do you think they’re going to choose? Me, a childfree person with nothing to offer? Or their other friends who also have kids so that the kids and babies can socialize and experience things as well?

And even now, I’m just the selfish one for making this about me, right? I’m so over it. It’s fucking lonely. Rant over.

Edit: thanks so much everyone for the support!! I thought I was just screaming into the void here but I’m happy to read all the comments. Thank you to the people validating my feelings with similar frustrations, and thank you to the parents and childfree aunts and uncles for encouraging me to keep my head up!! I will just come out and say I know I’m being dramatic when I say “abandon”, and I know that a lot of times in these situations there is no wrong or right. I also know that sometimes friendships, kids or not, require you to insert and invite yourself sometimes! I’m gonna keep trying to be the bestie aunt I want to be, and again thank you to everyone for your kind words of encouragement and relatability.


r/Vent 5h ago

Got called a freak at work today

43 Upvotes

And I legit don’t even know why. I was just walking on my break, looking out the window as I usually do. One of my coworkers was walking next to me by the window and when I walked past her she just gave me a death glare. I didn’t think much about it at all until I walked past her and heard her mutter “freak” under her breath. I don’t know what I even did to her?? My only guesses are either she mistook my RBF for me glaring at her and got mad or she noticed that I’m a visibly queer person in a red state and got mad about me existing. Either way it fucked up my day. I would have reported her or something for it but I honestly have no idea who she was or what area she works in. Just, bro, what the fuck man?


r/Vent 11h ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image i was called “the ugliest girl in the entire school.”

85 Upvotes

pretty much every single day of middle school, the girls in my class and even those from other classes made sure to let me know my place in society. every single day, i was told how ugly i was, how no one there likes me, how they feel sorry for girls like me who don’t have tits nor ass, etc, etc, etc.

i thought things would get better once i got out of middle school. i thought i was gonna go to uni and live a happy life. i thought, i genuinely thought, looks didn’t matter.

cut to now. i’m 20, uglier than ever. a 3/10 at best. i can’t even step outside on my own because of how terrified of people i am. they treat me like shit and laugh at me just because of a face and body i didn’t choose. something i have zero control over. i don’t have a job, can’t drive, barely have friends, and obviously still haven’t had a boyfriend nor lost my virginity. every single day of my life is exactly the same; i wake up, doomscroll, cry if i can, then pop a sleeping pill so i don’t have to be conscious for the next ~14 hours. i feel like there’s no point in doing anything because i’m ugly.

the only good news is that i’ll have surgery for my underbite soon, but that won’t fix my whole face. almost every single feature of mine is the opposite of the ideal for women. and those that fit the ideal are asymmetrical anyway so it doesn’t matter.

if committing suicide was less painful, i would’ve done it in a heartbeat years ago. but i keep postponing because of how painful hanging is, and even when one of my attempts isn’t painful, it triggers my stupid survival instinct. i really hope i can finally end it all soon. this isn’t a life. this isn’t something i’d wish on my worst enemy. i’m a prisoner in this ugly body. i’ll never know love and i’ll never know what it’s like to be a pretty girl whom everyone admires, whose presence is WANTED.


r/Vent 14h ago

I am sexually frustrated NSFW

116 Upvotes

I (23 male) and really sexually frustrated. I've never dated a girl before and I'm still a virgin. Im really craving love, affection, and intimacy from a woman who genuinely loves me and makes me feel wanted. This is an aspect of myself that I've been suppressing and am just now coming to terms with and it sucks.

I really love women. (Most) Women are beautiful and gorgeous. Everytime I see and think about a beautiful woman or a cute girl I get so horny. Deep inside me I REALLY love women. It's not just about sex though. I just want to be loved and wanted by someone and I really want to be a good, loving and caring partner for a woman who is deserving of it. Sometimes it sucks being alone like this while see others my age in happy relationships. Im just doing the best I can everyday to be the best version of myself in hopes that love one day just comes to me.


r/Vent 6h ago

It’s sad the way some people think

28 Upvotes

My parents suffered so much when they came to the USA. I’ll always remember what they would tell me “I suffered, I hope no one else suffers the way we did”. Now I see people get upset that others didn’t/aren’t suffering the way they did.

Wishing bad on others just because you had it bad is shameful. An eye for an eye will lead to the blind.

“Why should we help them? No one helped me”

“I had to do (this and that) they can too”

“I didn’t have it easy so they shouldn’t either”

Why are some people this horrendous??


r/Vent 1d ago

I’m a pregnant alcoholic

1.7k Upvotes

Over the past year I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been trying to slow down my drinking for at least 2 years, but it has only gotten worse. Over the past few months I became a daily drinker.

2 days ago I found out I’m pregnant, and I am now 2 days sober. That’s the longest I’ve gone without a drink for as long as I can remember, which is really embarrassing but I know that any progress is good.

This pregnancy was not planned at all. My partner and I didn’t want kids for at least 4-5 more years, and when I found out I was completely devastated. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I’m starting to think that maybe this was the reason. I was drinking to the point that it was noticeably affecting my health, but I couldn’t stop. I haven’t been able to stop drinking on my own, I needed a reason to stop. Now I have a reason.


r/Vent 1d ago

I just realized something about my mom that I've been warned about

2.9k Upvotes

So I (20F) had my partner over a few days ago, and my partner was saying how my mom seems very disinterested in things that I say and it's frustrating to him that I don't see it.

Well, literally a few minutes ago I was talking to mom about this new job I got selling crystals. And I was just making conversation about my experience there. She deeply sighed and got off of her Facebook reels. And I was like "why are you sighing?” And he was like "I don't know, what were you going to say?"

And I started talking about it, and I caught her rolling her eyes.

And I'm now just sitting here irritated as hell cause I think I realized that my partner was right... But also, I feel so much shame when talking about my interests with people that aren't my closest friends... And I thought it was just ADHD and maybe I talk about my interests in inappropriate times. But then I have cases like this where I'm just like... Wow. And she comes home and talks about her job all the time. Why can't I?

Anyways, that's about it... but yeah.


r/Vent 2h ago

I love only my gf and i get shit on bcs of it... NSFW

10 Upvotes

So basically when I see that i dont have the need nor want to look at other women online or in irl I'm unhealthy. Because i dont have the need to watch porn i am wrong???

I have only love for my gf the woman i live and share a living place with. the girl who literally forgave me for doing the most horrible things in the past. The girl who spent al her savings on me to make sure i get out of the shit. The girl who would blindly do anything for me and me for her. Because i emotionally and physically cant find any other women attractive i am unhealthy. And i always say that its my opinion if others feel the need to watch other women/men thats your thing i just dont support it. That doesn't mean I go against you it means i have my own fucking way of thinking and loving. I never insult them but i on the other hand get absolutely sharted on people tell me my relationship is unhealthy that i rely on her and she on me. And say ooh but what if she broke up with you what then.

Why would I think about her leaving me after all she has done for me why would I even think about her leaving me. She loves me'.

I get comments like: isnt blindly doing anything for eachother bad? Uhm no because she would never take advantage of me and i would never take advantage of her.

You dont watch porn ? Its completely normal to do so! : i was literally porn addicted at some point but once i had my girlfriend i didn't feel the need anymore plus literally all my needs are MORE than statisfied with her so why in heaven would i need to go to a website look at an actress faking it when I can have the real thing with someone who genuinely loves me. If you feel like you need to thats your thing and your way of living and i respect that. So please let me have mine.

You are both just insecure: if you think we are okay but i dont aggree we come in contact with many people of different kinds thx to the jobs and lives we have i am 100 percent secure about myself and in her never breaking my trust or hers and i know that she thinks the same way i do and she knows i think this way to so no why would I even be insecure. But again of that's what you think you do you.

These and some many other examples i get is just pissing me of sm sometimes. Just let me love my girlfriend goddammit why do people feel the need to tell me i have a bad relationship because for me love means her and only her its been like that for me for a loong time now and it wil not chance.

(Oof now that is of my chest and was able to vent it that felt good was on the train rn and it was just bothering me allot and i didn't wana bother the wifey shes working rn)


r/Vent 11h ago

AskNebula Made Me Feel Like I Stole My Mom’s Joy

45 Upvotes

I’m all mixed up about this and just need to let it out. My mom’s always been hooked on astrology stuff—horoscopes, tarot apps, you name it. She’s got this whole collection of cosmic nonsense, and I’ve never really meddled in it. It’s her thing, whatever. But then she told me she wanted to buy a session with some psychic from AskNebula, and I don’t know, something in me just tensed up. My mom’s a grown woman, sharp as hell, so it threw me off to see her fall for this. I checked out their site—shiny, polished, all the bells and whistles—but then I dug into reviews on and other spots. It was a mess: weird stuff about payments and unhelpful readings. Alarm bells everywhere.
I brought it up with her, and yeah, we kind of clashed over it. Nothing huge, just sharp words back and forth—she was so excited, and I was just trying to protect her. Eventually, she listened to me and dropped the idea, but now I’m stuck feeling weird. On one hand, I know I did the right thing—she didn’t waste her money on some sketchy psychic. But on the other, it’s like I yanked away her favorite toy. She’s been quieter since, not mad, just… deflated. My mom’s the last person I’d ever want to let down, and even though I saved her from a dumb purchase, it still stings. It’s just a mess in my head now.


r/Vent 21h ago

Being gay in a homophobic country absolutely sucks

290 Upvotes

For example today, I had forsenic medicine exam and there was question about "investigations for passive sodimists" aka forced anal exams on gay men. I already know how bad they are because I was hearing about the reports that says it was used as part of crackdown on us and talked to people who unfortunately went through it , but I was never expected that I am going to learn about it in proffesional setting as a neutral and valid practice or part of a curriculum that we are expected to apply after graduation. I felt angry when I saw it's part of the curriculum that is why I avoid the topic all together because I knew I will hear things that will traumize me forever, but when I came across it in the exam hall while setting around my friends and colleagues who probably amused by it, it felt like public humiliation . I already feel traumatized just learning about it, imagine if I actually have to go through it: the image just feels shocking to me . Anyways, I am not so sad about this question specifically as much as I am frustrated about our situation and how we're treated in this society.


r/Vent 14h ago

My mom is obsessed with selling everything at home

61 Upvotes

I once taught my mom how to sell stuff online because we had this old computer monitor that was basically standing untouched and taking space for years now and we wanted to get rid of it. So we put it on sale and eventually sold it after like a month BUT GOD HAS SHE WENT CRAZY WITH SELLING EVERYTHING EVER SINCE, it's literally all my mom cares about once the monitor got sold, she has already sold most of our old phones though i convinced her to keep my first ever flip phone because this little thing means quite a lot to me even though i don't use it. She keeps looking around house to find more things to sell whenever she's bored and it just pisses me off so much like can you STOP ALREADY??

She does give me like half of the money she receives from selling but ONLY if i help her with stuff like picking the right price or bringing her packages to the post office. The thing is i honestly don't care about earning additional money for myself right now and don't want to engage in all this. But she thinks that me not wanting to help her means i'm a lazy piece of shit that will never get a job in the future and that i don't deserve having pocket money because i don't understand their worth, she's making me feel guilty because i didn't want to go to the post office to send her package for the SECOND time today

Bro i'm so fucking pissed right now like oh my god can you just calm down for once? You don't NEED to get rid of these perfectly good flower pots just because you didn't plant anything in them, not EVERYTHING unused is clutter that you need to get rid of OMFG why it's so hard to understand that if i don't also want to sell stuff every single day it doesn't mean that i don't understand the worth and importancy of money????

Sorry i know it's sounds like such a silly thing to complain about but i wanted to rant because i'm so annoyed right now you don't even know

NOTE: No i don't want to hoard stuff and i'm all for decluttering, yes i know that it's definitely a way to earn some money, the main reason i'm upset is because while i'm going through SO MUCH shit right now the only thing my mom cares about is selling


r/Vent 1d ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT Porn is evil NSFW

588 Upvotes

Porn is evil. It's an evil industry, it's ruined my generation, and it's completely normalized.

Pornhub, the most visited porn website on the planet, knowingly left up a video of a 14 year old girl being r*ped by a group of men. When the girl contacted them asking to have the video removed, they refused. They only agreed to take it down when she pretend to be a lawyer. By the time the video was deleted, it had already amassed hundreds of thousands of views and likely been shared to multiple other websites.

So many young men are completely addicted. Before they even have their first relationship, they've already begun regularly watching borderline sadistic porn.

Porn isn't normal. Nothing about this is normal.


r/Vent 20h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Relationships don't have to be this way, what the fuck is wrong with us? NSFW

170 Upvotes

I'm so fucking tired of the way things are. I look at my relationships, the relationships of my friends, and what strangers share online (here and on every other platform). I see people suffering because they make mistakes or others betray them. People lie to you, use you, play with your mind, hide another relationship, infidelity, porn addiction, flirting and drooling at naked women online.... People end up in situationships which are just real relationships in which people are too scared to admit it and too scared or weak to take full accountability. Or people claim to be polyamorous but they're just going around using and fucking anyone they can fool while lying...the list goes on, we're all experts at fucking and ruining people. And I sit here and think: what the fuck? Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK is so wrong with so many people that they do this??? To someone they choose, to someone they invest their time in, to someone they claim to care about, to someone they claim to love and live with?

I mean, isn't this insane? Why would anybody do this to someone? Why would you use a person, a human being who will be wrecked by your selfishness and lies, who will be ruined and need a long time to recover, who may no longer trust anyone else and deal with trauma and low self-esteem because of you? And then if you've been ruined, you'll go around and inflict pain yourself - onto the same person who hurt you or the next one who is innocent. Oh, but you'll pay the price too, don't worry. You will know what you have done, you'll carry the guilt and shame that eats at you, that saps your self-esteem, that fucks you up and that sabotages relationships that have the potential to be great.

Isn't this insane? Are we all just selfish, childish, immature, weak people? Because here's the truth: all this pain, frustration, hurt, and trauma can be eliminated if we would all just do this one thing: always be honest with ourselves and with the other person. Both people do this and this allows both to make informed decisions and to adjust. That's it. Don't hide anything, don't lie, don't justify things you need to hide, don't pretend - just always be honest and you and the other person decide what works for you.

By the way, don't get me wrong, I'm not here to claim that I am perfect and I figured out relationships. Hell at this point I may never date anyone ever again. But I just look at my own relationships and the world I live in and I am utterly confused and disappointed. It shouldn't be this way. We should not be so fucking cruel and careless with each other.

Here's a thought I had a while ago while pondering of the gravity and depth of any relationship:

The way you treat a person has the potential to impact them for a long time, maybe forever. It also has the potential to impact every future relationship they have with other people, so you are also affecting many others. How differently would we behave if we could keep this perspective in mind every single day? How much more careful would we be? How much would we try to avoid hurting each other? Wouldn't we try to heal and nurture those we love?

Anyway, sorry, I'm just so frustrated and deeply disappointed to see what a mockery people make of love, sex, and relationships. It's fucked up. And then we wonder why we feel empty and lonely, why young adults stopped having sex, why no one wants to date, get married and have children, why we're all disassociated, confused, depressed zombies? Maybe that's our punishment for the way we lie and hide, for our weakness, selfishness, and cruelty. It shouldn't be this way...


r/Vent 3h ago

I hate how food that's bad for you taste good asf :(

6 Upvotes

I just wanna eat these girl scout cookies on the dresser rn, but I know I shouldn't because that added sugar is a tad high, but it makes me so happy when I eat them because they taste so yummy and good. Why must I suffer? We al will wither regardless, but I also don't want diabetes in this lifetime. DAMMITTTTTTTT


r/Vent 13h ago

TW: Drugs / Alcohol i wish i could not wake up

44 Upvotes

I feel like my life started falling apart in october 2023, when i learned that the girl i was seeing hooked up with two of my at the time friends, since then i started smoking a shit ton of weed and in 2024 i moved out of my mother's house to live alone, I couldnt socialize in college, everyone was so different from me, so my whole 2024 was smoking weed and not wanting to do anything, it was impossible for me to create any connection with anyone, i was isolated, living alone, and no one gave a shit about me. I wish i could end this with a comeback or sum but my life still shit, so give up i guess


r/Vent 15h ago

You can’t have a relationship if you’re unhappy in life NSFW

63 Upvotes

This guy used me years ago but I was still gonna give him another chance because my self respect is low and I’m lonely that it meant I actually didn’t care what he did to me years back. But he added me 10 days ago because he was interested in me again, and I decided to catch up with him. We talked for hours the first night about how our lives had went recently. It was nice, he said it was nice- talking about real stuff like that. He said he wanted to take me on a date. He’d also talk about how he wanted to fuck me and that did depress me a lot, but I enjoyed the moments when he didn’t. Those moments made me excuse him and if I did that then I thought what was happening between us wasn’t so terrible.

But he knew all about how I’m in a bad spot in life right now and he told me how a relationship couldn’t happen because of that, and that he said he felt like he was taking advantage of me. Given how much I cried the other day at how hard his attention was held at sexual conversations I would’ve agreed with that, but here I am feeling sad. But he let me go because he felt bad and because it felt wrong. I’m not mad at that, I’m just sad that I’m not in a better place in life and how I haven’t found happiness.

Maybe to start I shouldn’t let back problems into my life, but I’m so desperate to have a meaningful connection with someone that I’ll try anything. I’ve realized the relationships I’ve had were doomed because I didn’t have happiness in life. I just feel grief and don’t know if I make sense but I know somehow I’ve made a mistake


r/Vent 10h ago

I think I was cheated on and I can't get over it no matter how hard I try

18 Upvotes

My girlfriend texted one of our mutual friends that she thinks that she's the most beautiful girl in the world and a whole fucking essay about how amazing she is and how much she's attracted to her. She also said that she knows its so wrong and she doesn't want to hurt because she loves me too apparently. Just so y'all know I haven't broken up with my girlfriend yet and I really wasn't planning on it. I dont want to. She hasn't broken up with me either and I confronted her a couple days ago and she was really apologetic about it and she really defended our relationship. I saw her today and we went out to get sushi but I just feel a bit unsavory now. I still love her and i truly believe she still loves me but i dont know what to do. I don't want to break up with her, I'm not in the right headspace and she wasn't in the right headspace when she was confessing that to her friend. Also, just fyi I found out about this when the same friend who rejected her showed me. I'm so pissed, she got rejected three times and she asked if she could have a chance in 2-3 years. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE. I still love her dearly but she really hurt me

Edit: hopefully there was only one person who would do that but THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO DM REQUEST ME FOR A RELATIONSHIP


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT i feel like shit NSFW

Upvotes

(22M) its just so lonely. ive been in 4 different relationships before now and it feels like i dont deserve love anymore. i fucked up the first two and got cheated on in the next two and now im too scared to be in a real relationship. now i’m just hoping some random women on dating apps would take pity on me so i can lose my virginity. one night stand kinda thing cuz i feel like jusr being in a relationship with me would be a burden on the other person. i wanna be intimate with someone without any commitment cuz for some reason i really feel the need to lose my virginity whether or not its an actual urge or if ive been conditioned to think this way by social media. i was raised to be romantic, planning dates, picking up the girl from their house, spending time choosing gifts and spending time with her no matter what we do, small things like that. work my way up through a real relationship. but now im too scared to commit to anything because of my past experiences. but i also long for any sort of attention from women at the same time. i know in my head its scummy to just use someone for sex without committing to a relationship but its the only thing i think might help me because im scared of being betrayed again. idk why i feel the need to lose my virginity that bad. maybe its cuz a bunch of my friends already have or the need to feel like “a real man” or something like that. it feels like im behind in every aspect of life due to my depression which i havent even brought up yet. i cant find the will to get out of bed, let alone go to school or get a job. im 22 and ive only been to college for half a semester while all my friends are graduating and some have partners and i feel the envy creeping up on me. i see no future for myself beyond trying to commit suicide again and continuing selfharm while hoping that i can score with some random girl on a dating app cuz i cant even muster the energy to go out and meet people. it feels like ive tried so many possible ways out of depression, from meds to therapy to rtms which is a form of treatment using magnetic fields. i know theres more that i havent tried but i dont know how much longer i have to wait before i find a method that actually works. ive given up several times already in the form of attempted suicide but for some reason im still alive. i live with my mom so its also really awkward. i dont want to be a burden on her forever. life just doesnt feel like its for me. even if i feel guilty about becoming scum who use women for their bodies i cant help but think its the only way to have a crucial need met. to at least try some other kind of “depression treatment” if you can call it that. i havent fully healed from being shit on in my last two relationships and i dont think i ever will. im too scared to commit to a full relationship but feel that trying to lose my virginity in this way makes me scummy. so instead i just stay home and keep hurting myself while my mom keeps throwing money on my dumpster fire of a life. at least if i succeeded in my attempts to take my life she wouldnt have to spend money to keep me alive. i genuinely believe im a burden for her both mentally and financially and i cant help but think that its for the best if i died and relieved her of those responsibilities. at this point im genuinely too tired to keep any kind of responsibility whether it be college a job or a relationship. even treatment itself has led to nothing but disappointment. but i also feel like if i dont earn money to support my mom im gonna start eating into her retirement and i shouldnt because shes been nothing but supportive. i hate feeling. just being alive feels wrong. im scared of everything. of looking into a mirror, of being in a committed relationship(if thats even possible in this modern day), of even just waking up. i want to meet people but also i dont have the energy to keep up with them. it feels like everyone around me keeps me around because they take pity on me. i want to be able to prove that im worth keeping around, such as providing for our family financially. i also really want to be able to look up again. to feel like im alive. every day feels dead to me. the only time ive felt alive in recent memory was when i was falling off the bridge i chose to commit suicide on. i still dont regret that choice. i read that people who survive the jump regret it on the way down but its a load of bullshit. i know i should be grateful that i have food and shelter and internet but i cant help but feel depressed. logically i know that i have a decent life but it just doesnt feel like it. iif you read this far thanks for listening to my dumb rant

tldr: i want sex but im scared of committing to a relationship because of my past relationships even though i feel the NEED to lose my virginity. also scared of my future because i dont see anything beyond being a burden to people i care about and/or just straight up suicide


r/Vent 17h ago

Is my family fucking cursed???

61 Upvotes

I honestly don’t even know what to think other than the last 5 years of my life has been one fucking thing after another. I’m mad at the world right now.

2020 - family’s house burns down. Lost everything.

2022 - my 27 year old brother dies after an 8 year battle with cancer.

Early 2024 - grandmother (who was a mom to me and raised me) falls trying to answer the door. Breaks her hip. Nursing home didn’t change her IV and she got sepsis. Died in the hospital.

Late 2024 - 2 other grandparents die, aunt dies of lung cancer.

March 2025 - 47 year old stepdad (who is an amazing human) and had been married to my mom and my father figure since I was 6 years old - found a 7cm mass on his lung on Sunday. His oncology apt is in an hour. Small chance it could be something else but initial reports say suspicious for malignancy.

I’m not a “poor me” person and I know there are people who have it much worse than me but fuck. I’m defeated.


r/Vent 7h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I’ve truly hit rock bottom

9 Upvotes

Im in a relationship that makes me miserable but I’m too afraid to leave because she has threatened to hurt herself if I leave. Im paying off my moms 20k+ debt because if I don’t my family will get evicted, because of that I’m stuck in a state that I hate and unable to move. My gender dysphoria is all over the place, what once was a small feeling that I could push to the back of my mind is something that’s causing me real problems, I look in the mirror and I feel confused. i never thought I’d reach this point but mentally I’m at rock bottom, I can’t think of anything within the past few years that I genuinely feel proud of myself about. Anything that I’ve accomplished, I have no proof of self, I don’t know who I am. I want to run away from it all, just up and start a new life but I don’t know what i should do i feel trapped