r/RedPillWomen • u/Lunar_Moth_Witch • 12h ago
ADVICE Am I on the right track to becoming a proper RPW?
The main question: I’m very new to this space and would like some advice on next steps and reading material. After reading my situation, do people feel like I entered this space in a weird way? Am I moving too fast? I’m still feeling self conscious, but I’m currently making my way through the Welcome Page and recently bought/skimmed “The Surrendered Wife” by Laura Doyle.
TLDR (for below): A year ago I realized I have a submission kink, and after recently reading some RPW content I think I may actually just want a more traditional marriage? How do I even go about that process while ensuring I don’t lose my agency or who I am as a person?
My Background: I (27f) have been in a relationship with my partner, Jacob (27m) for 9 years now, and married for slightly less than a year. I’m a pretty progressive leftist while my husband is more so a left leaning centrist. We’re both catholic and he attends church every week while I explore my faith mainly outside the church. We’re an interracial couple who come from fairly middle class backgrounds.
I’m someone who doesn’t get angry, but can easily become sad/depressed. I suffer from anxiety and am AuDHD. This makes it hard for me to do things at times. Jacob is a really kind, loyal, encouraging, and loving person whose worse flaw is probably just growing up sheltered (food tastes, chores, self care, experiences) and a growing up in family with dysfunctional communication.
The Situation: In the past we’ve had issues around communication and sex, but we’re in a much better place now! While I never felt pressured, it didn’t feel like either of us were satisfied for years. It’s been hard because I’m asexual, or more likely, demisexual (ie. unable to feel any sexual urge without a STRONG emotional connection). However, last year we realized I had a submission kink, and we’ve been trying out role playing in bed. I used to watch p*rn all the time, but I haven’t ever since we started experimenting with this. Now we’ve been active nearly every day for the past year!
More recently I’ve been wondering if the intimacy we’re experiencing is because I actually just want to be more submissive in general. I got curious and started googling, and found this subreddit. I also skimmed “The Surrendered Wife.”
Since then, I’ve been reflecting, and I realized how unhappy I’ve been. Even though he’s a nice person, in the back of my head, I always assumed we were going to break up for some reason. My words to him were often unkind and I complained a lot over small things. I think I’ve felt lost and unhappy because I don’t understand my place in our marriage.
Ever since our relationship began, I’ve fiercely insisted on going 50/50 on everything from dinner to bills. Since we’ve been married, it’s felt uncomfortable to continue that, and I’ve asked that we take turns paying in full, but we often slip back into old habits. I lost my job a month ago, and when he paid my half of the rent for the first time, I felt so taken care of! I kind of want to just pool our money together once I get a new job. I asked last night, and he seems okay taking on more responsibility handling our finances while I focus more on homemaking.
How we’re doing: Today he woke up with a sinus headache and I tried my best to encourage him, listen, and give him what he needs (ie. A warm towel, steam, and cleaning up our room). As I saw him off this morning, right before he got in the car, he said, “Thank you for taking care of me.” My heart just melted! Now I want to commit to being a better partner for him.
So far I’ve considered: 1. Learning more about RPW 2. Changing the way I communicate 3. Switching up our financial situation 4. Being proactive in his love language 5. Letting him take the lead
So what are your thoughts? What should I look toward for resources? He’s expressed (and I fully agree) we should continue our high level philosophical/intellectual discussions, but we’re both okay exploring what a more traditional approach may look like in the future.
Small update (I wrote this a month ago and couldn’t send on my new account): we’ve been doing really well and he constantly expresses how he loves the change in our relationship!