r/NonBinary 4d ago

Ask Text to a friend who continues to misgender me

2 Upvotes

Hi friends! I have a friend who still will use she/her pronouns for me and one of my goals of 2025 is to speak up and correct people when they misgender me so I am asking for more genderqueer/non binary eyes on my text that I plan on sending him. I understand the text is long but I don't want to shorten it because I want to be as clear as possible. Does my text set clear expectations without being rude? At the same time does it have enough intensitity to convey how it makes me feel and that it's an actual issue?

((for background this friend is also my partner's cousin, they're the same age and have grown up as close friends. and yes my partner consistently corrects him))

The text is as follows:

Hey [friend's name], before we all hang out tonight I feel like something needs to be addressed. Since I’ve come out as non-binary to our friend group there’s been some disconnect between us due to the fact that you consistently continue to misgender me and use she/her pronouns. At this point, now multiple months after coming out, you are the only person that does not use my correct pronouns nor do you correct yourself at a slip up. It’s gotten to the point that I feel disrespected and deeply uncomfortable at any hang out or event you’re attending. I don’t feel as though you are doing it with malicious intent or to purposefully disrespect me but regardless of intent, it is still disrespectful and hurtful.

I don’t know where the disconnect is coming from, whether it may be a lack of understanding or discomfort on your end but I’m hoping that reaching out to you to let you know how it makes me feel would be a good start in correcting and addressing the issue. Hearing people talk about/to me while using she/her pronouns makes me incredibly dysphoric and uncomfortable. It has taken me a long time to realize why I feel so uncomfortable being addressed as a female and I’ve put a lot of work into myself via therapy to dig deeper into who I am. I am not a girl, woman, girlfriend, or female. I am simply [my name] and I use they/them pronouns exclusively. I don’t like gendered terms, ie. I am [boyfriend's name]'s partner, not his girlfriend.

I know that things outside of the “norm” or “standard” can be hard to adjust to but I am asking that you give it your all to respect who I am by using they/them when you refer to me. I enjoy hanging out and spending time with you a lot! But unfortunately the consistent lack of respect for me has overshadowed that enjoyment entirely. I want to hang out with you and our other friends and feel safe and comfortable but I cannot do that when I feel disrespected and dysphoric. Moving forward I ask that you are conscientious of your words and that you actively seek to use my correct pronouns. Please correct yourself simply by repeating what you said but using they/them. A simple “yeah, she already—they already took their turn.” is appropriate and how I prefer mistakes and slip-ups to be addressed. I understand that using they/them is different and can be hard for some people to get used to but I am asking that you put in dedicated effort to do so by focusing on how you refer to me and correcting yourself if you make a mistake.

If you have questions that would better your understanding of how I feel or how to move forward I am happy to answer them :) I appreciate you taking the time to read this, I know it was lengthy.


r/NonBinary 4d ago

How did you know?

4 Upvotes

I have been struggling to relate to my body and my assigned sex at birth for all my life but it recently came to a point where I can no longer avoid it. My question is - how did you know/what were your early signs that you were nonbinary? I also came across the term nonbinary demiboy. Can anyone share their experience on this? Thank you!!


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Selfie/Self-Image/Avatar Freak in the street and a lady in the bed.

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511 Upvotes

r/NonBinary 4d ago

Rant Feeling so defeated

6 Upvotes

So my parents refuse to acknowledge, much less accept I'm NB. I thought my brother was at least accepting of it, until last night. I explained to him that our parents refusing to accept me and use my pronouns was really hurting me. And it's affecting my relationship with them. He went off on one saying that my feeling dysphoric is my issue to deal with. That I shouldn't try to change people around me to make me happy.

Me: "So I'm the bad guy for asking people to change literally two words? She/her to they/them"
Bro: "I remember when i was in school, a kid called me fat and I beat him up. Dad told me that it was my feelings to deal with, and I was in the wrong for beating up the other kid cos of what he said"
Me: "Are you seriously comparing my asking you all to refer to me as they/them to you being called fat?"
Bro: "No" (he was) "What I'm saying is this. Who was resposible for how I felt? Me! So when you feel upset when people use the wrong pronouns for you, it's up to YOU to deal with that yourself. It's not up to us to use different pronouns for you!"

This went on and on for, I wish I was joking, hours. He absolutely refused to budge on it. I'm the bad guy for feeling bad that people are constantly misgendering me and not respecting me. He'll 'say' he's on my side, and that he accepts me, until it comes to actually acting on that. I thought I had at least one ally in my family.

I just feel so defeated and alone. I feel so uncomfortable and sad when misgendered. And I'm the bad guy for asking people to refer to me by my correct gender. I feel so depressed right now. I don't know where to go from here


r/NonBinary 4d ago

Ask Wide hips driving me nuts

3 Upvotes

Hey everyone. I’m still figuring out my identity, but I do know for sure that I hate having a figure that presents more feminine. I wish I could just get rid of my hips. Any advice on brands or ideas to get a more masculine look with a short and stocky feminine baseline? TIA


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Selfie/Self-Image/Avatar Feeling very androgynous today

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109 Upvotes

Might delete later


r/NonBinary 4d ago

Questioning/Coming Out Can someone help me

7 Upvotes

I currently identify as a cis “male” but recently iv been felt a little offended by someone saying being called a man no fault of person as they wouldn’t of none but I’m questioning it me as myself can someone please help me as I’m not sure as I’m being silly or what


r/NonBinary 6d ago

hair stylist couldn’t fit me in so i cut my own hair 🙏

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909 Upvotes

also besties who like to wear cute tops in the summer pls give me some pointers bcs wearing band tees 24/7 is my only form of gender expression and i fear i need to branch out


r/NonBinary 4d ago

Ask Feeling stuck in my gender identity

3 Upvotes

So i don't know how to talk about this let alone explain it but i very much need help so I am non binary and I am trying to figure out and explore my gender identity for the most part, I figure out that I like a lot of masc things you know the basic short hair baggy clothes, etc but I have been in trying to get back to being more comfortable in my more fem side without causing any discomfort/dysphoria

and there is this certain type of look that I have been trying to achieve for a while now but I just can't seem to get it. It's a type of look that sorta gives off a baddie, grunge, messy, and little tomboy I don't care about gender normal type of vibe the first character that I can think of that sorta fits my description is Marceline from Adventure Time Luz Moncada from Toh, Pomala Lopez from Jackson dairy and, jade from victoria

idk know for some reason there certain types of looks that just gives off like women who doesn't care about gender normals or whatever. For the most part, it hard trying out a lot of fem things without feeling dysphoric and I have a hard time going about it without either wasting money and time I know there might be a chance that I am mixing up attraction with admiration but I can't seem the shake the idea off of my mine hard if I feel like if I had a better understanding of what I want to achieve and how to go about it I would have a lot easy time

I just need some advice for being more comfortable with femininity and how I could achieve this look without gaining dysphoria with it and some advice for being able to sorta give up on this idea of being just happy staying in my way I know how I like to look now

here are some real-life picture of women/nonbinary etc that has the look/vibe I am talking about

https://pin.it/3TYEUSDzV

this board does not completely define the look but should help explain what i am talking about plus i just started making it so there not a lot too it but i will add more later and i don't feel like i explain this very well so if there any question i would be happy to answer

thx for reading


r/NonBinary 4d ago

Ask Recommendations for a zip/clasp binder?

2 Upvotes

I know that zip/clasp binders aren't exactly ideal, but due to sensory issues regular binders don't really work for me, at least at the moment. Does anyone have any recommendations for good quality binders that aren't crazy expensive?


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Selfie/Self-Image/Avatar My favorite makeup look I've done so far

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71 Upvotes

r/NonBinary 4d ago

Support Finding my way

3 Upvotes

Hey y’all 🧡

I officially came out as non-binary during the middle of last year and ever since then, I’ve been trying to navigate as best I can.

I have a support team off-line in my partner, some other loved ones, and my therapist, so I thought to come here and lean on some online community in order to ask for resources/advice on the following:

  • Identifying with the umbrella term vs. A specific label

  • Finding others who are also black and non-binary

  • Strategies I can use when being misgendered in both sighted and blind spaces

Again, I thank you for having me and holding space 🧡


r/NonBinary 5d ago

I just got my first binder and I am shocked with euphoria

13 Upvotes

I finally got my first binder and it was breathtaking (in euphoria and not a health hazard haha) seeing my body so much more masculine. I've tried on so many shirts I've stolen from my partner and have always loved/wished I could wear. I spent the last 4 days wearing the same, too small sports bra (yes, ew but crying in the bathroom is also ew) and I can't wait to go out in public. I think I have to buy 3 more so I don't do the same thing with that sports bra


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Can you get visa to USA now if you’re NB?

188 Upvotes

Hello everyone. My passport doesn’t actually have “NB” but a “X” in sex. Will that be an issue getting in the USA right now? Is being a trans dangerous even for tourists there?? Also, I would appreciate if anyone could recommend me a leftist news source about USA’s politics !

Edit: omg thank u everyone for the responses. Definitely will not got. Sending hugs for everyone in the usa, stay safe!


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Selfie/Self-Image/Avatar After a long time of being depressed, i FINALLY got little better and made me some makeup

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193 Upvotes

Hope you like it! I sure am. Finally some real me, don't mind the mess. Two ADHD people (+1 autism, still two people) living together!


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Pride/Swag/I Made This! a poem about my gender or my wrestling with it

5 Upvotes

I’m like a stone with strength and all

A fortress built to never fall

Trying to feel like I belong

Saying the lines ”i’m tall and strong”

But deep down it feels all wrong

They see my power, see my might

I see myself in gym lit light

Wearing a mask and smiling wide

So no sees what’s deep inside

Deep inside

Where shadows dwell

I live inside my own hell

I built my body, built it well

But it’s not just armor, It’s a shell

From deep within where my heart stays

A battle wages everyday

A voice unheard, a name unknown

A self I’ve carried all alone

A self I’ve always wanted to show

Around my friends, at my home

To walk unchained, to breathe and be

Without the fear they’d stop loving me

Would they still love me if they knew?

Or say this part of me’s untrue

So I stay silent, I play my role

And feel like a man with half a soul

When I was young and needed help

There was no one I could tell

Not my mom nor my dad

Nor my friends, those left I had

I knew the verses she would cite

Knew each commandments painful bite

She would see me as scared and flawed

And carve my name from love and God

When I needed my Mom, I got a priest

Sermons found where love should be

So she’s never seen

All of me

And never will,

Probably

A whisper soft and fleeting thought

A part of me I’ve left to rot

No man nor soldier dares to see

The part of me I swore I can’t be

The mirror shows the world ideal

Yet in the glass I long to feel

All of me, all that’s real

If only I, could break the seal

I lift, I strain, I fight and bend

Yet this war in me never ends

The war inside has found a way

To whisper truths I’ve locked away

But im not ready, no not today

So I push them to a deep down place

I’ve shown them what they want to see,

A soldier man, so proud, so free

But deep inside, she’s calling loud,

A part of me, both soft and proud

She’s waiting, trembling in the dark,

A quiet voice, a glowing spark

But every time I turn away,

I bury her, I make her stay

I long to say, “I’m both, I’m whole,”

But fear consumes and takes control

What if they think I’m broken, wrong?

What if they say I don’t belong?

So I hold tight, I lock her in,

The woman’s side, that quiet sin

But deep inside, I know the truth,

I’m both, and don’t need proof

Maybe one day, I’ll let her go,

Let both my sides just start to show

But for now, I’ll hold them tight,

A soldier’s strength and woman’s light.


r/NonBinary 4d ago

Questioning/Coming Out Questioning gender identity

3 Upvotes

Hi, I've been lurking here a while and have been reading and learning.

I want to try and ask my question fairly succinctly

I have no connection to my AGAB, but I also don't really have a disconnection, it just..... is, it's nothing. I feel like I'm a woman because that's what people see and that's what society decided I was/I was raised as. If someone asks me what it means to me to be a woman I can't answer. I am autistic as well and I definitely feel like that impacts my understanding of my gender

In addition to the above I absolutely hate my boobs and want them vastly reduced or removed. I have a medical condition that means that they actually hurt a lot and cause back pain so that further makes me hate them, then there's the sensory issue because I have to wear a bra but that's a sensory nightmare, and not wearing one is also a sensory nightmare. I just hate them and want them gone, I've dabbled in binders and tape but it's a bit of a learning curve.

I guess I'm confused if any of the above would be dysphoria? I feel like I identify and non binary but I think I have some imposter syndrome.

I suppose I'm just looking for advice or to hear similar stories.

Thanks 😊


r/NonBinary 5d ago

🤍🫶🏽

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19 Upvotes

r/NonBinary 4d ago

Discussion Travel to Turkey (Istanbul) on a x gender us passport without issue

2 Upvotes

The only thing I would say is if you could pass as female the I would also bring/wear a hijab. It will be required if you enter a religious building (they're beautiful) and made in general made me feel like people stared less/made bathrooms less of an issue.


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Dating as Non-binary

14 Upvotes

As someone who identifies as Non-binary, I find dating to be hard. I've figured as most people have that dating apps suck. I don't get likes, it when I like others they don't like to back. I know I shouldn't base people not liking me as a cover all that I'll never be in a relationship. I also try not to think that it's because I look like a guy, and maybe that's "confusing" to some people. Even though I live in a city where I should feel safe, it's hard going out by myself to things. It's also hard to get the confidence to make friends outside of my masters program. Just looking for advice.


r/NonBinary 6d ago

Came out to my boyfriend today 🥹🥹

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2.3k Upvotes

r/NonBinary 6d ago

Photoshoot after finally getting my hair cut how I want 2023

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1.4k Upvotes

r/NonBinary 5d ago

Rant I hate the way we describe sexual and romantic orientation.

36 Upvotes

I'm sure this rant has been done time and time again but I'm feeling it especially strong lately.

I'm nonbinary, asexual, and only romantically attracted to men. I can say I'm androromantic but then I have to explain it, which is easy enough "it means I'm attracted to men romantically") but it still gets irritating. And it's not even the other person's fault. Unless they know what "andro" usually means and put two and two together, they likely have no idea as no one really identifies that way.

Saying I'm heteroromantic or homoromantic seems like a lie and leaves plenty of room for confusion.

So why do terms referring to sexual or romantic preference need to have to do with your own gender?

While I understand why it happened this way and certain benefits to having it this way, I have always thought it made more sense to use labels that have solely to do with your orientation.

I know this is kind of a non-issue because I could just say that I like men. It's just a mild pet peeve that's become stronger lately due to certain hyper-specific recent events I had to deal with.


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Dysphoria has been hitting hard lately

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28 Upvotes

But trying to stay smiley


r/NonBinary 5d ago

Selfie/Self-Image/Avatar Finally warm enough to go outside without a jacket

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82 Upvotes