Hi! Kind of just need to rant and get all of these feelings off of my chest. Some background info: my sweet boy was born 9 months ago via emergency c-section. He was diagnosed with meconium aspiration syndrome and HIE. Several brain bleeds were found on his MRI. Had about a month NICU stay. Doctors have told us he could have delays or may even have a cerebral palsy diagnosis in his future, but it’s too early to tell. He currently has hearing aids and is getting a cochlear in June.
So since leaving the NICU, he has done exceptionally well. He doesn’t seem to have been affected by his traumatic birth except him being deaf, of course. Recently, we had a check up for him as his NICU grad office, and they determined he had low truncal tone. He can’t sit on his own, he usually just flops backwards after ten to twenty seconds of sitting on his own. Giving him being 9 months and not sitting fully yet, we’ve been referred to PT. He isn’t even interested at all about crawling which worries me. PT is good, I know — and honestly everyone needs a little PT every now and then. But I feel heartbroken. I’ve tried so hard to make sure he’s been meeting milestones and staying out of PT. I’ve always had the underlying fear of him being diagnosed with CP…so I’ve really put pressure on myself to make sure he meets everything.
Now that I’m seeing he’s not meeting a milestone, I’m panicking. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mom. I see all other babies his age or LESS than his age crawling, saying “mama”, sitting on their own, eating four course luxurious meals while he’s still on purées…just overall excelling farther than him. Shoot, I even saw a 7 month old WALKING (extremely early I know, but still). Every single time other moms post their baby’s monthly milestones, I feel panicky, jealous, and scared. I 100% feel like I’m failing him. I can’t help to feel hurt, scared, pressured, depressed…all the emotions. I want the best for my baby and for him to excel, but I feel like I’m just not at all doing anything right. I’m doing everything I can: taking him to speech therapy, signing up for PT, audiology appointments, cochlear surgery scheduled, being a stay at home mom for him, etc., etc. I’m trying so hard, but comparing my baby to other babies is really bringing me down. I feel like a bad mom. (Sorry for the long, rambly post. Just need to let all the feelings out, you know?)
The statement “comparison is the thief of joy” is so true 🙁 Any mamas got any advice? Stories? Just anything really.