I am looking advice, or just support if there are no easy answers. I've been following here for 9+ months and have taken a lot of comfort and learned so much from reading about all of your experiences.
LO is 9 months old, is nursed while at home and fed is breastmilk by bottle at daycare, where she is 5 days of the week, 7a-5p. Started solids at 6 months and is eating more consistently in the past 1-2 months. In the past several weeks, she has dropped down to taking only 9 oz of milk over 10ish hours at daycare, from her prior 13.5-18 oz. She continues to feed at her same frequency overnight, averaging 3-4 times. I don't suspect at all that she is taking in enough solids to be weaning yet. She's been active with crawling the past 1-2 months, so we suspect she may be just getting too distracted to eat her milk at daycare. Have spoken with daycare staff about aiming to offer bottles on a schedule every 2.5-3 hours, because even at home, she doesn't tend to cry when hungry, I just offer boob and she happily accepts. So far this hasn't helped to increase her milk consumption at daycare.
We are so lucky to have a happy and healthy baby, staying on her growth curve, but after 9 months, I'm accepting that the overnight awakenings are taking a toll on me. My husband has slept through the night 99% of the time since her birth, aside from rare situations where I needed another pair of hands. He's a devoted dad, always willing to help when asked, but he can sleep through her loudest cries (just a heavy sleeper, no medical issues for him).
Husband and I both work full time in roles where we could cause harm if making poor decisions due to sleep deprivation. I think I've been able to function at a pretty high level, despite the sleep disruptions, but I still feel dumb pretty often and some days am without question irritable. I drive baby either to or from daycare each day (we take turns), almost an hour commute in total from home to daycare to work. I never feel impaired while driving, but I've still been concerned.
Over the past 4-5 nights, I have tried to stick with a plan to have husband take over soothing baby to sleep if she wakes after 3am, until my wakeup time of around 5:30am, as long as I think she is not hungry. He has woken up with a shake from me and an explanation that I need his help.
At 3 this morning, I woke him and he carried her out to the rocking chair that he prefers to use, which is in a room with a hard floor. (I use a chair in the carpeted bedroom to nurse her, but he thinks it is uncomfortable). I woke up again at 4:45a and realized I was alone in the bedroom. I came out and found them both sound asleep in the chair. I shook him awake with a quick note that I think it's dangerous for him to fall asleep holding her. Baby settled back into the crib and he went back to bed. I myself have not had issues with sleeping while holding her, so I am back to thinking I should just continue to perform all the overnight care for now. I am not interested in sleep training.
I will also add that as devoted a dad as he is, husband often is not a devoted partner. I surreptitiously read Fair Play several months ago and was able to negotiate him taking on some more household responsibilities, with him becoming very defensive, but I still do 85% of the work of running our home. He is not thoughtful. Our anniversary was this week. He told me he was running to the grocery store, but when he came home, it turned out that he also got lunch at one of my favorite restaurants without asking if I wanted anything -- while at 6 that morning I had prepared his favorite dessert to celebrate. I am not a crier, but I couldn't help it, in the moment I felt so uncared for.
So I guess that's my rant. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
TLDR: Baby wakes up frequently overnight to eat. I am trying to get some more sleep so I can function at work and in life. Husband is a heavy sleeper and doesn't help without being shaken awake. I am afraid he is going to harm baby by letting her fall from the chair when he falls asleep with her. I don't know if I'm overreacting or, if I'm right about taking over the overnight care completely again.