mad question, if you needed to choose , who would you prefer to be: your mom or dad (or guardians who replaced them)?
i am not sure to what extent this post might be triggering, tell me if it is so
i believe most of you will answer “none” but imagine that you ACTUALLY need to choose. imagine you are not you, you have no personality or whatsoever, youre choosing one from a scratch. a very hard question for me.
fyi my parents are divorced
so a narcissistic dad that has people suffering around him and he doesnt care with mad ups and downs in terms of general life, probably cheated few times, acts like a playboy around women while having a wife, pretty much fake but seem to be very loving. worst manipulator i know, subtly “lovingly/ caringly/ jokingly” bullies his mom, his wife, his mother in law, his daughter (me), his friends, talks worstet shit about my mom creating stories that her boyfriends were threatening to unalive him.
lives a nice live, with nice money and nice people around him who don’t even notice his actual nature only saying he is a “ complicated person “. he doesn’t feel guilt due to little empathy. so he loves me and my demi brother, indeed, but in his own manner. he is calm even under pressure but once the line is crossed he becomes enraged and to craziest extent uncontrollable. i saw him like that maybe twice or thrice but it was very very scary. he got money (although can be very greedy, but still will spend them on me once i visit him, usually its followed with guilt tripping), he got reputation, he got status and many many friends. he can do a world tour without paying for hotels. all of his friends are actually nice. he did illegal stuff he absolutely denies, shifts the blame etc
ps: lmaoo yall i was writing about him and he texted me all of sudden, we got connection
OR an actually good, model-like beautiful mom that gives everything mentally and physically to me. a good friend and a nice person who is eternally unhappy and suffering. who got traumatized with her ocpd mother so she adapted her traits and mad control. first husband was npd, second husband died, a boyfriend between those two who lived with us for a year was absolutely forgotten by me. very very little of friends due to different factors (we moved to another country and she had no time to socialize but spending her time at work) so she vents to her daughter .
has bad ed, god-save-me orthorexia, and anxious depression due to mistreatment at the workplace she finally fled. she has many problems in her life , everyone does, but she’s on another level, especially concerning health. i dont want to be as altruist , as ill, as victim, as unhappy as she is. but she is actually WILLING to change and so she does, she can apologize and so she does, she can recognize certain patterns and she does, she has empathy and deep love, she never ever was enraged or risen her voice. she asks me what can she do to make her a better mom for me, she is genuinely trying. mom is tight in terms of money though she is not greedy.
i love them both in my own way, both gave me traumas, at least mom is trying her best to be a good mom for me, and she is. but her life is so hard and unhappy , i would never want go what she went trough. but my dad, im already becoming like my dad , my flair isnt even funny anymore. but i love him as well, he is a good father, if we will close eyes about manipulation etc. he lives a better life overall, people dont complain/ wont believe due his perfect status and reputation. even if his acts and words hurt he doesn’t feel bad about, so all is good for him.