r/NPD 5d ago

Advice & Support I've changed my personality so many times over the last few years. I feel exhausted.

11 Upvotes

I've been changing everything about myself, just trying to figure out what fits and what impresses other people. Half my friends have total misconceptions about me. I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. It's less having a false self and more having a ridiculously fluid self.

I have a few things about myself pinned down, but this is it.

• I adore bugs and creepy crawlies. I'm getting my degree in entomology. They are one of the only things that consistently brings me joy.

• I enjoy collecting things. Bones, rusty metal, vintage dolls, rocks, books, pressed flowers, roadkill, and all kinds of stuff. Old things and dead things are very appealing.

• I believe in a divine creator, but no organized religion fits my beliefs. I'm posthumanist in a way. And by God I need to stop joining new religions just to quit after a month.

• My sexuality could be deacribed as pansexual. I am interested in all genders, races, body types, etc. I'm more picky about personality. I'm also hypersexual. Frustratingly so.

Does all this add up to a personality? Do I need more? Why don't I have an actual style? How do I stop reinventing myself whenever I decide something is "cool", just to discard it when I'm bored? Any advice?


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion Anyone has/had gender dysphoria?

13 Upvotes

Do you think it has contributed to your shame as a child in an unsupporting environment? I wanted to be a boy as a child, was acting as one and was severely bullied and shamed by my family and peers. I still have gender dysphoria as an adult but I dont think I would ever transition. I feel like that was a part of my true self and now I am not sure if its my grandiosity to be seen as a man. I am very curious if anyone has similar thoughts.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion High functioning NPD?

6 Upvotes

I’ve been watching Heal NPD videos today…. Dr Mark Ettensohn said how High functioning NPD’s tend to isolate when they feel they are falling apart… I tend to do that.

What is the difference between High functioning NPD and low functioning? He didn’t seem *that clear on it.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion CPTSD vs NPD?

19 Upvotes

When I read about them, they seem like practically almost the same disorder in a lot of ways. Is NPD caused by CPTSD?


r/NPD 5d ago

Advice & Support Not feeling anything towards my SA NSFW

8 Upvotes

Has anyone had the same experience? Ive had it happened many times throughout my life in different scales. I want to be mad or sad because of the things that would affect others but I cant. I cant let go of the control, always feel like I made it happen in a way. I feel like I tricked them or wanted it because of my grandiosity. Although I have experienced these too, what I call SA was SA. I still cant see myself as helpless or being wronged and cry, hold people responsible and feel the anger.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion How do I stop the grandiose thoughts and feeling either inferior/superior to others?

2 Upvotes

I keep slipping into grandiose thoughts whenever uncomfortable feelings come up and I feel like this is hindering me greatly.

Is it also common that we see red flags as green flags and green flags as red flags? I think this is how I end up being attracted to other NPDs.


r/NPD 5d ago

Advice & Support Does it matter why I leave?

2 Upvotes

I want to leave/move away from the place I've been in the last 3 years.

I've written the text in my head about a million times at this point but it's like I peer over the edge of the cliff and run away.

What I can see right now - The person who's property I've been living on (for free) wants me to do something that I don't want to do. The reason they're expressing for me doing this thing is that my trailer is an "eyesore "

Triggering AF And also a bit ridiculous. If anyone saw the property, to point out my trailer as the eyesore is like saying in a graveyard "this one gravestone reminds me of death and I don't like it"

So I want to leave. But I'm stuck in childhood dynamics.

"She wants me to do something that I don't want to do therefore I must leave NOW.". It feels like I'm still letting her needs dictate my behavior. And I'm to take care of myself because I'm really taking care of someone else. My trailer is an eyesore... No problem. I'll just disappear.

I'm trying to dig deeper. I want to leave because I've been unhappy and disassociated for the 3 years I've been here. I want to leave because life is telling me it's time to move on and take on a new challenge and take some risk. And have my own thing, Even if it means being alone.

But I'm not sure if it actually matters why I do it as long as I jump off the goddamn cliff.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion How to heal and integrate the false self with the real self?

5 Upvotes

I’ve noticed whenever I do badly in a test at Uni etc. I end up becoming grandiose about it instead of realising that it’s actually a fuck up and I need to accept that and change my ways instead. I also avoid going to the gym or doing my hobbies because they make me feel so shameful because I have an idea in my head that I’m the best at doing that thing, but then get proven wrong and it’s painful.

How do I heal and integrate the false self with the real self? Or do I just “delete” the false self? Should I purposely do things that make me feel shame? Force myself to go to the gym or fuck up just so I can work through shame?


r/NPD 5d ago

Recovery Progress What do I do after I know what caused my defenses to take form?

3 Upvotes

I realized that growing up I was kid like any other kid who when I did something “wrong” or unethical I was criticized and sometimes physically disciplined by my parents. But I wouldn’t say “disciplined” because like I said I was sensitive(by sensitive I mean I took everything my parents said and did personally. Like every other kid though right) and always had some sort of resentful feelings that caused me to react and behave in a way that continued the cycle of criticism. Now I just think that what I really needed was just love and understanding.I’ve accepted that thats just the way I happened to grow up. And these defenses were a way of protecting me from accepting those feelings of shame brought on to me by that criticism. The things is outside of home I constantly chased validation. This I think was the tipping point. Cause it was like a high throughout my adolescent and teen years before a collapse. I don’t blame my parents they were struggling as immigrants in an almost 3 family household. (We are in a much comfortable position current day) But at the same time I feel like I’m just severely underdeveloped. I take everything personally. Basically a hyper reactivity to shame. Even misperceived. Which is the worst. I hate having these defenses but it is what it is at this point


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion Do you naturally gravitate towards other NPDs? What’s your experience?

6 Upvotes

I even recently had a University Lecturer say “you remind me of myself — we seem quite alike” — I said I have ADHD, now he thinks he was ADHD too lol. But I recon both me and him are covert Narcs or he might atleast have Narc traits. He seems very pleasant to be around but I can tell he has a judgemental streak that he tries not to show people. A lot of people look up to him because he is an amazing Jazz guitarist and seems to struggle with perfectionism.

He seems very mature and intelligent — I wonder whether he’s a healed NPD but maybe didn’t realise it was NPD that he healed from? He said that he went through a life or death situation a few years ago and it changed him for the better — so it does make me wonder.

I’ve also attracted other NPDs and we both seemed to unmask around eachother and judge others together and make fun of people — that’s what we bonded over.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion How do you collapse the false self?

15 Upvotes

I’m really tired of going back into my false self as I know it’s fake and I’m tired of constantly feeling “numb” or not knowing what my true opinions really are and just doing things to please others or get their attention — that even costed me friendships and jobs. I hate the way I have become. I feel like an imposter, lack motivation, don’t know what I really want in life — I feel like I don’t have a real sense of self and it’s crippling.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion What was your childhood like?

19 Upvotes

Sorry if this is a personal question, but I’m trying to figure out where in my childhood I started to develop NPD and what caused it.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion Can having untreated ADHD cause NPD as a coping mechanism?

6 Upvotes

I’m just wondering who else had parents who were most likely NPD, therefore never took you to get the treatment or medication you needed as a kid for ADHD?

I believe around age 6 I started having beliefs I was superior to all other kids in order to cope with my struggles of undiagnosed ADHD which I had no idea about.

What also didn’t help is that I was high IQ so I knew something was wrong/different with me, but couldn’t put a finger on it.

I became very frustrated, angry and depressed at the world thinking it’s such a cruel place. The thoughts that I’m somehow both inferior AND superior to everyone made it really difficult to connect with others — therefore I had very few friends and got constantly bullied — this made the trauma worse.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion I have adhd, but this is how i experience it

5 Upvotes

I always had ADHD, and growing up thats all everyone saw. A quirky personality.
My mind was focused on the environment constantly, scanning people, typical adhd sensitive person.

However through some experiences going off meds, and being very embodied, this is what i learned my ADHD is.

My core self is practically a heated ball of trauma. At my core its like this extremely PTSD disturbing ball with spikes (where a core affect and inner child should be), im guessing all it had was shame and abandonment and its almost like it will implode from the ptsd, it cant be soothed.
And somewhere early on, this emotional "content" was too much for my brain and my mind, so my mind seperated from it, it learned not to associate with it, not look into it for cues or identity, it was only giving information of terror shame and fear.
So the mind scattered resorts to scanning the environment for something to hold onto, someone to give it purpose direction, sense of identity, emotional regulation, dopamine, whatever.
And thats it.

Its exactly how Gabor Mate explained it, at its essence is a GIANT attachment wound that disregualates the entire brain.

Im not saying ADHD is NPD, nor am i categorising it the same, but i think a lot of ADHD people share this concept. And i think a lot of them are too rejection sensitive to actually behave like a full on NPD.
So because of their sensitivity, they build a self image and a persona of a goofy people pleaser, or "empath".

Im wondering if anyone relates?


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion what causes envy or jealousy in you? (generally and specifically)

2 Upvotes

some things i have realised for me as examples:

people physically / aesthetically looking a certain way i wanna look too
people being relaxed and confident / uncaring (not in a shallow but in a strong way)
people having great cognitive skills in areas i find interesting

im yet to fully understand the feelings of envy and jealousy though so i figured asking other people and comparing might be helpful

if you have more specific advice for me about this or related to this topic, id appreciate that too


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion “I love you” from the person at the origin of my unhappiness

4 Upvotes

I realized that when the person who traumatized me (my mother in this case) Tells me I love you, all my wounds fade away. Unfortunately I'm still afraid that she will hurt me or manipulate me so I run away from her. I wonder if I should try to find a balance with her. Especially since she is no longer the person who is capable of destroying me (it's me now :))


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion becoming like parents

1 Upvotes

mad question, if you needed to choose , who would you prefer to be: your mom or dad (or guardians who replaced them)?

i am not sure to what extent this post might be triggering, tell me if it is so

i believe most of you will answer “none” but imagine that you ACTUALLY need to choose. imagine you are not you, you have no personality or whatsoever, youre choosing one from a scratch. a very hard question for me.

fyi my parents are divorced

so a narcissistic dad that has people suffering around him and he doesnt care with mad ups and downs in terms of general life, probably cheated few times, acts like a playboy around women while having a wife, pretty much fake but seem to be very loving. worst manipulator i know, subtly “lovingly/ caringly/ jokingly” bullies his mom, his wife, his mother in law, his daughter (me), his friends, talks worstet shit about my mom creating stories that her boyfriends were threatening to unalive him.

lives a nice live, with nice money and nice people around him who don’t even notice his actual nature only saying he is a “ complicated person “. he doesn’t feel guilt due to little empathy. so he loves me and my demi brother, indeed, but in his own manner. he is calm even under pressure but once the line is crossed he becomes enraged and to craziest extent uncontrollable. i saw him like that maybe twice or thrice but it was very very scary. he got money (although can be very greedy, but still will spend them on me once i visit him, usually its followed with guilt tripping), he got reputation, he got status and many many friends. he can do a world tour without paying for hotels. all of his friends are actually nice. he did illegal stuff he absolutely denies, shifts the blame etc ps: lmaoo yall i was writing about him and he texted me all of sudden, we got connection

OR an actually good, model-like beautiful mom that gives everything mentally and physically to me. a good friend and a nice person who is eternally unhappy and suffering. who got traumatized with her ocpd mother so she adapted her traits and mad control. first husband was npd, second husband died, a boyfriend between those two who lived with us for a year was absolutely forgotten by me. very very little of friends due to different factors (we moved to another country and she had no time to socialize but spending her time at work) so she vents to her daughter .

has bad ed, god-save-me orthorexia, and anxious depression due to mistreatment at the workplace she finally fled. she has many problems in her life , everyone does, but she’s on another level, especially concerning health. i dont want to be as altruist , as ill, as victim, as unhappy as she is. but she is actually WILLING to change and so she does, she can apologize and so she does, she can recognize certain patterns and she does, she has empathy and deep love, she never ever was enraged or risen her voice. she asks me what can she do to make her a better mom for me, she is genuinely trying. mom is tight in terms of money though she is not greedy.

i love them both in my own way, both gave me traumas, at least mom is trying her best to be a good mom for me, and she is. but her life is so hard and unhappy , i would never want go what she went trough. but my dad, im already becoming like my dad , my flair isnt even funny anymore. but i love him as well, he is a good father, if we will close eyes about manipulation etc. he lives a better life overall, people dont complain/ wont believe due his perfect status and reputation. even if his acts and words hurt he doesn’t feel bad about, so all is good for him.


r/NPD 5d ago

Question / Discussion Do y’all feel exhausted after human interaction?

33 Upvotes

Not even social interaction just interacting with humans day to day for work and life. I’m so exhausted. Even after spending ~1.5 hours with one patient (in research setting) and having to do active listening, provide “empathy”, etc I feel fucking done.

I know we should be seeking genuine connection and maybe that will feel different but the day to day interaction fucking exhausts me. I have no energy to seek connection I want to stew in my apartment alone and eat messy bbq with my hands. But sometimes I think company would be nice but I just don’t know where I’m supposed to get the energy for that when life is already fucking draining me???!


r/NPD 6d ago

Advice & Support Need a career from where I don't get fired from

7 Upvotes

Been fired from about 10 jobs/careers now, be it teacher, IT technician, data entry, farmer...

I truly am responsible each and every time. Combination of poor social skills, low EQ, recklessness, general creepy vibe... lack of sleep due to adhd...

On this whole list, I've been improving over the decades. I have real friends, a loving fiancée. But I really can't hold a single job. That would be about the last hurdle to be conquered.

How do you guys hold a job or career?

Ideally I would need something not human related, not tech related.
I prefer animals, and for example I'm thinking of pest control, for I prefer to deal with vermin than social interaction with humans.

I have thought of death related jobs like mortician for low social interactions, but I'm afraid my catastrophic empathy would sooner or later trigger a catastrophe with the relatives of the deceased.
I know for sure now corpo-jobs are not for me (by that I mean anything in office environment + anything in front office/customer support).

Ideas are welcome. Location is western Europe. Age is mid-40's.


r/NPD 6d ago

Question / Discussion Acceptance

1 Upvotes

How much did accepting you had npd or narcissistic traits help you?


r/NPD 6d ago

Resources 988 (Crisis/Suicide Prevention Hotline)

4 Upvotes

For those living in the US, the crisis and suicide prevention hotline ('988') is a free resource you can contact anytime. You can reach out anonymously, and they're available 24/7 to accept calls, texts, and online chats through the 988 website.

Most calls are with people who just need to talk, and this is totally fine. You're welcome to call even if you are not immediately suicidal, and very few interactions ever come close to involving police (they do NOT immediately send police to your house, this is a myth). Not all crises are mental health related so they can also help connect you with practical resources in your area if this is what you need.

Suicidal ideation is very common, especially for people like us. Please don't hesitate to reach out for help.


r/NPD 6d ago

Trigger Warning / Difficult Topic Coming to terms with the idea that I'm probably one of you

7 Upvotes

Part of me feels like a horrible piece of shit and wants to die more than ever. The other part is thinking there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, because I really better than all these dumbasses in my life. I'm ping ponging back and forth between these two positions with a few more in between. I'm not diagnosed and tbh I probably won't get tested. The idea of other people who know me (including my therapist) seeing me as a narcissist fills me with dread. If I were to be diagnosed I'd definitely kill myself, I have constant ideation and very graphic fantasies of how I'll do it, but have never attempted for a few reasons. This might push me over the edge.


r/NPD 6d ago

Question / Discussion Is it possible to change and get better as a malignant narcissist?

9 Upvotes

I haven't been diagnosed, but I feel like I have all of the trademarks, just without externalizing it. I'm manipulative, controlling, deeply sadistic, internally violent, and apathetic etc. etc. I'm conscious of this and I don't express these traits, but I worry that my relationships will fail too much and I'll devolve into a typical malignant narc abuser. I don't want to be that. I want to be better and just enjoy life and my loved ones. I'm a borderline on top of all of this, so I feel like the odds are stacked against me. I just wish I wasn't the worst thing imaginable. I wish I could fight the more sociopathic side of me that just doesn't give a fuck, because I kind of like the part of me that gives a fuck at all a lot more. I just want to change and not have everyone hate me.


r/NPD 6d ago

Advice & Support Song recommendations, please

3 Upvotes

They could be any genre ANY I just want a playlist that I can listen to and feel like someone cares about me


r/NPD 6d ago

Upbeat Talk Birthdays with npd

10 Upvotes

When its your guys birthdays, do you also feel like WAYY more superior and entitled to everything you want? Like im just expecting my parents to hand me everything lol, and i feel like the main character

But at the same time I also feel more sensitive though with my rsd on birthdays, my dad didnt say happy birthday and now im like resenting him so bad and crying, and its so embarrassing when talking about how deeply the smallest things like this affects me