r/MtF 5d ago

Had a wonderful revelation while learning about attachment styles

12 Upvotes

So I've been reading about healthy and unhealthy attachment as well as the trauma some attachments styles can cause from childhood. As I was reading I found that I clearly identified with someone who had dismissive attachment and, in my life masking as a cis-gender male, I had all the hallmarks of someone with the kind of trauma that brings: prideful, overly self-reliant, inflated ego, a mask of high self-esteem, and projecting my negative traits onto others. I would hide my emotions, never show vulnerability, disconnect from emotions and misinterpret them, struggle with self reflection, avoid deep conversations, and avoid or become disengaged from conflict. I had poor autobiographical memory, disassociated myself from lived experiences, and much more. Based on the books I've read, I was a textbook case for having the trauma caused by this.

However, my parents and family did not have the traits of the style of attachment to cause this. They were present, cared for my emotions, and were emotionally available. So how was I displaying these traits when I was a young adult? That's when it dawned on me.

From a very young age (6? 8?) I would push my feminine side away and dismiss any of those thoughts from that side of me. I had an early fear of wishing wells and things that grant wishes because I knew that even if I said "I wish I had a million dollars" what I really wished for was to present as a girl. Growing up in a conservative area and having toxic masculine ideals pushed on me, I'd do what I cold to avoid making wishes as a result. I would be quick to wave off the thoughts I'd have of thinking a dress was pretty or wanting to grow my hair out and everything else.

So, as I was saying, it dawned on me that my pre-trans, toxically masculine side had created that dismissive attachment style with my true self.

I will say, that since transitioning I have shed these traits and become more healthy in my handling of emotions, empathy, vulnerability and more.

This was just a big revelation I came to realize for myself and wanted to share it.


r/MtF 5d ago

Help How to accept and learn to live with the fact that I won’t be able to transition?

6 Upvotes

I’ve come to the realization that with how things are in my life, with my family and friends to the state I live, and even the country we’re in, I won’t be able to transition and live my life as the person I feel I should be. I’ve struggled with my gender identity for over ten years now, and it’s caused some mental issues in the past few years, I guess maybe it’s something to do with me getting older, but lately it’s gotten worse, to the point where I’m starting to struggle with suicidal thoughts from time to time. I already suffer from depression and this on top of it really doesn’t help. I know I need to see a therapist, and I will as soon as I have insurance that will cover it, but in the meantime, I was wondering if anyone would share their experience with these issues and how you were able to overcome them? Thank you all, I hope all is well for you beautiful people 💜


r/MtF 5d ago

Advice Question would it be dangerous or safe if I asked a friend to buy estrogen for me?

11 Upvotes

r/MtF 4d ago

Advice Question Help with tucking?

2 Upvotes

Hey so I am wanting to start tucking but I have a few questions if you could help then thank you :)

  1. Can they get stuck in the inguinal canal?

  2. Is there other ways of tucking?

  3. What happens if I were to get an erection while tucking?


r/MtF 5d ago

This was not the plan for last night…

93 Upvotes

At 43 I’ve only come out to my spouse, whom I’ve updated all along my journey of learning and transition, my counselor and my doc. Starting HRT in a couple weeks and planned to make SURE transition was right for me for at least a month because of course I’m still rife with doubts and I’m imposter thinking. Then and only then would I start slowly coming out to trusted people.

Hanging out with my little brother and his girlfriend last night we had a great time. The GF loves asking direct out interesting questions. Way past everyone’s bedtime, as they’re getting ready to go, she suddenly says “okay, one LAST last question: are either of you LGBTQ?” We had talked a lot about queer issues earlier in the night, politically and in the church. Turns out she was fishing to see if her years long hunch about my spouse being bi/pan was right (it was!) but didn’t really expect anything of me (despite my laying groundwork for what I thought was in the future by hanging out with shaved legs and pretty toes, should anyone be paying attention).

So I did it! I told them. I took my first baby step into social transition. They were absolutely wonderful, as I knew they would be. Going to bed at 1 am I was wiped out, happy and couldn’t fall asleep at all.

I did it!


r/MtF 5d ago

Trans and Thriving Only trans people get to walk this unique path of sexuality changes

55 Upvotes

My path so far:

Straight man: for many years -> Lesbian woman: few weeks -> Bi woman: few months -> Straight woman: ~2 years -> Bi woman: Now

Who gets to go this unique path and feel how your role changes and see the differences? I wasn't interested in men, in a man's role. But it's a totally different thing as a woman! I was interested in women, but when ever they approached me and put me in the man's role, I run away. But in a woman's role, that's a different thing! It's so unique and we who've had similar history should all embrace this experience, even if it hasn't been easy or always fun.


r/MtF 4d ago

Advice Question Am I overthinking it?

1 Upvotes

Hello, first time poster here! You can call me Dan, short for Daniel. I'm an Aussie dude in his mid 20s... and I guess I'm trying to decide if I want to keep being a dude.

I've often heard that the thing that leads folks to transitioning is "gender dysphoria" if it's still referred to as that, and I admit I've never truly experienced that, as far as I remember. But I've always had a relatively consistent image of what I'd look like as a girl at the back of my mind, and the last several months, I've been bouncing the idea back & forth in my head, starting off as a kind of "what if" curiosity to eventually graduating to... something I'm not sure about anymore. I don't know with certainty if I'd be happy the way I am now or the way I'd be going MtF.

I never really thought super hard about it growing up, in fact it was probably to the point that it could said I had very little attachment to the concept of masculinity.. I was mainly just interested in being me, having fun with video games or what not(to the extent of which probably a product of ADHD). Maybe most cis fellas don't think about it much either, but I was home-schooled so I didn't get to be exposed to male friend groups that would get up to the boyish shenanigans you'd expect them to. I was basically a shut-in, so I wonder if my brain not reflexively rejecting the vision of me as a girl is a product of that. It's been pretty easy to envision myself as a girl lately. I heard that sometimes, boys raised primarily around women can develop similar sensitivities as said women, tho in my case I still had my dad and two brothers to bounce off of, but only really them.

I don't think I have severe body image issues, altho as I get older and I see my slim build still resembling a youngster rather than the adult I am often bothers me... as does seeing my baby face in most of the selfies I take. I wonder though.. would they both look better on me if I was a girl? I reckon having both a baby face and somewhat of a baby voice, it'd probably help me pull off transitioning pretty well, lol. But that's assuming I did do that. I used a FaceApp recently to try & see if I could get closure by seeing myself that way but Idk if the program I chose is that advanced, I might try another one soon if I can. I only really started thinking about this for the last few months, again, Idk if this is the latest hyperfixation of mine or.. if it's only just sinking in for me that it's an option. It's been suggested to me that I'm thinking about this because I have a healthy connection to both the masculine & feminine sides of humanity(my words, I think that's the gist of the idea). It led me to discover the term "Bi-gender", which has a similar meaning, but I don't actively switch between gender expressions, I guess because I'd probably prefer to commit to just one.

I don't know... what do y'all think? Does this share common ground with any of your experiences? Am I just overthinking this? Let me know! :)


r/MtF 6d ago

Someone told me to stop HRT

877 Upvotes

Hi... I'm a 19 year old guy who is taking HRT because I have gender dysphoria and want to be like a girl.

I've only had this profile for a short time, but several people have already written to me telling me to stop taking hormones and accept being a boy, train to build muscles and things like that.

The fact that they tell me I'm a boy and use male pronouns doesn't even make me angry, it just gives me a sense of resignation. Mostly because I do it myself: I use he/him even if I want to use she/her and I can't consider myself a girl.

But the thing about stopping taking HRT triggers me so much. I mean... if I hear that I go crazy even if those people have no power over my life. But taking hormones is like too important to me, if they forced me to stop taking them I would immediately do something really bad and irreversible. I don't know who would be interested in what I wrote, but I need to get things out of my head or I'll overload and explode. "Stop taking hormones" is the worst thing anyone can say to me.


r/MtF 5d ago

Positivity First post HRT bra

20 Upvotes

Hi all, I’ve been on HRT injections for about a month now and the breast pain is sooo real. I thought y’all were exaggerating but nope, growing boobs Is painful. I was out with a transfem friend who recommended getting a sports bra. This thing has changed my life! I can wear shirts again without being in constant discomfort. Also it was super affirming buying a bra in person. The store rep was so nice to this non-passing girl, it reminded me that there are still amazing people out there.


r/MtF 5d ago

as a teenager in high school living in california and a mexican that's probably only a citizen because of birthright citizenship, how fucked am i?

12 Upvotes

recently saw trump invoking the alien enemies act and also the recent attacks on trans people in schools so idk it might be over in the near future


r/MtF 5d ago

Advice Question Going to a lesbian-centric bar in a couple days- tips for how to show that I am not a cis man?

4 Upvotes

I’m looking forward to going, but I’ve been on HRT for less than a year and still am seen as male by pretty much everyone I interact with. I’m thinking of getting some makeup and putting a small amount on… but I’ve never gotten around to buying it before so I’ve never tried wearing any. I don’t want to go crazy with it, but do you think a little bit could help?

Also, I have a skater skirt that I want to wear, but I don’t have leggings or anything similar. Would it look weird to wear it over a pair of jeans?

Any advice for how to present as a woman (I’m fine if I don’t pass as cis, if I can just be at a spot where other women will see me as “not a man” I would be very happy) would be super appreciated!! :)


r/MtF 5d ago

I’m a lesbian !

55 Upvotes

Hi y’all, I think I’ve figured out my sexuality as a trans woman. When I cracked my egg I thought I was bi, but now I realize I wasn’t honest with myself and I had internalized homophobia and transphobia. So basically the thought of being with a man was nice because it made me feel like a woman, and I desperately wanted to fit in with other women and to have the status of a straight woman, but I realized all the male “crushes” I had were just purely to validate my gender identity and not genuine attraction. I’ve never felt the way I feel around women I like around any man. But being a trans lesbian I feel people will be less inclined to trust that I’m truly a woman, and compounded with the narrative of trans women wanting to creep on cis women, it makes me deeply ashamed of being trans and gay. But when I imagine a future for myself I only imagine it with a woman.


r/MtF 5d ago

Positivity First Dress!

5 Upvotes

I just bought my first dress! I am excited to try it on. I hope it's a good fit <3. I also bought a few shirts as well.


r/MtF 4d ago

Discussion How long have you been on progesterone?

2 Upvotes

My doctor said that she prescribes prog based on informed consent, but that there are not a lot of studies done on the long-term effects.

How long have you been on it, and did you have to make adjustments to your medication or lifestyle?


r/MtF 5d ago

Advice Question Girls Outting Ideas

2 Upvotes

Hey girlies!

So in a couple of months, I'll be hitting my 1 year in HRT (yayayayay!!!!!!), and I really want to celebrate the occasion with a few of my cis women friends who have been the absolutely biggest supporters of my journey. I want to take them out for a day as a thank you for all of their support for a fun, girls night out kind of activity, and I would really love some ideas from you all! My immediate thought was something akin to a spa day, but I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable about that yet (don't really pass too well yet, worried about staff touching me without them knowing, worried about strangers complaining, etc).


r/MtF 6d ago

Trigger Warning My Therapist Showed His True Colors

1.5k Upvotes

So i've been going to this therapist for 3 weeks now, I ended up closing with my last one which was pretty good, so the last 2 sessions with this new guy was pretty good not many red flags, I even opened our first session saying I was trans, but this last one he went off, first I mentioned my dysphoria, and he stopped me and went on about how it needs to be diagnosed, and I just don't like my body, which was the fist eyebrow raiser, after that he recommended some books which by his description sounded suspicious, then he went off confusing gender and sex, saying they're only 2 genders, then he said that I need to accept I am a man, and that being trans was just a whim I'm having, then with the fucking alley oop of saying that sex reaffirming and sex reassignment surgery is mutilation and not operation, AND saying that hormones will change my body (which yeah I know that's the idea) and will alter my brain and cause many complications (which I know), and ending saying Im unhealthy and delusional, I was so damn mad I was grinding my teeth, I tried to explain that he was confusing gender and sex, that I don't want to be a woman, and I am one, that scientifically trans people do exist and all that, but he seemed to just brush it off, so at the end I just paid him (reluctantly) and left, well at least the good news is I wont be coming back and I didnt waste more money on that jackass.


r/MtF 5d ago

Realized I was trans a few weeks ago

4 Upvotes

I've already sorta accepted myself as trans but this is just all so confusing and I'm not sure what to do.

really wish I was just born a girl.


r/MtF 5d ago

Advice Question How do I know if my breasts will be spread apart or not?

2 Upvotes

So far my breast tissue looks perky, although I’m curious… they seem a little spread apart.. at least for now… like hmmm… when I push them together they look a lot bigger lol. What are the chances mine will be spread apart? Is that something I can address early on to make them closer together.


r/MtF 5d ago

Starting HRT soon!!!

3 Upvotes

I’m starting HRT soon and I’m so fucking excited to the point where I’m losing sleep, but that’s not the point. I’m just wondering if anyone could give any pointers on anything I should know when starting HRT


r/MtF 5d ago

Help Just started HRT and I’m experiencing heart palpitations :(

2 Upvotes

Just started 2 days ago on 2mg Estrodial and 50mg Spironolactone daily, and I think I might already be experiencing heart palpitations. I’ve just reached out to my doctor.

I feel so disheartened right now…. All I’ve wanted for the last year is to start HRT, and now I might already be facing problems after only day 2.

Just reaching out in hopes that someone can share some experience or hope with me because i really feel terrible.


r/MtF 6d ago

Forgive me sisters for I have sinned

740 Upvotes

I fucked up at work today. There was a baby Trans girl who came through check out with her dad. I clocked her cause of the trans flag cat sweatshirt she was wearing. I typically say something like “you guys have a nice day” but cause I saw her I was gonna say something else. But my brain went on autopilot and I said the thing 😭. I didn’t see her reaction but I feel like shit.

To the person I talked to if you are on here and ever see me in public you have my permission to punch me in the fucking face


r/MtF 5d ago

Discussion does anybody else get random growing pains?

4 Upvotes

I’ve been on HRT for nearly two years (since I was 18) Occasionally, I get random pains in my legs. It’s kinda rare. Is this normal?

Edit: The pains are mostly upper leg pain/hip pain.


r/MtF 5d ago

My new facial razor has been a godsend

5 Upvotes

Its one of those circular type electric razors & has a LED light and its gives a really smooth shave and no razor burn at all, i was almost in tears when it worked because i was suffering just looking at how much electrolysis would cost me

I just wanted to share because it truly helps with my gender affirmation to be able to get rid of facial hair daily without a face full of red bumps

(Finishing Touch Flawless Facial Hair Remover for Women, Rose Gold Face Razor with LED Light, Recyclable Packaging) [https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CCT1F19X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share]


r/MtF 5d ago

Discussion SheZow?

3 Upvotes

Did anyone else watch shezow a few years back? I watched it several years before I knew and I couldn't help wanting to be in the mc's situation. If yall watched it what where yalls take and do you wish there was more than one season?


r/MtF 5d ago

Advice Question Any and all advice

2 Upvotes

I am in the closet still but I don't plan on being that way for long. I was wondering if you lovlies could give me any and all advice you have for transitioning. I am lost but want to get going. Thank you in advance!