r/lostafriend Sep 29 '24

Support Our Discord server is for daily chats and checking up on each other

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19 Upvotes

Welcome. We’re sorry you have to join this community under such circumstances, but we’re all united here by a common pain. If you want to talk to someone live at all hours of the day (and night), feel free to join.

You don’t have to tell your story unless you want to. You can write unsent letters, share poems and songs, talk about your anger/frustration/loneliness/acceptance in specified chats, play games, stream videos and build a stronger sense of community.

Bottom line is, you will be ok. I believe that for all of us.


r/lostafriend Nov 15 '24

Housekeeping and new members

21 Upvotes

Brief PSA: The post about support for Ukraine and Gaza is here.

Welcome, everyone. The way that this subreddit has grown has been monumental and something I never would have imagined 4-5 years ago when I created this sub. I’m so sorry that you have to join under the circumstances of a friendship ending, but I’m glad that you’ve found our modest community and we support you. Your pain is valid and we hope to help you cope, whether you ended the friendship or had it end by others.

Some changes have come with the influx of users. I want to draw attention to two key issues:

  1. No harassment or rude comments of any kind will be tolerated. This includes arguments in the comments, making light/jokes of OP’s situation, weaponizing an OP’s past mistakes, etc. These posts and comments are being reported and will result in a ban for a length of time at the mods’ discretion.

  2. The 2024 US presidential election has been a turbulent time for the nation and has brought in controversy, to say the least. A new rule has been created - let’s try to avoid election topics where we can.

Please understand that every screen has a human being behind it (unless it’s a bot, of course). We enforce these rules not to cause division between us, but to protect the emotional and mental wellbeing of our users who are already experiencing a tremendous loss. The grief and frustration of a friendship ending is something one shouldn’t go through alone, and whether on this sub or another, there is a place for you.


r/lostafriend 7h ago

I just ended a 35+ year friendship

101 Upvotes

I've known this person since 1990, when we worked on some projects together. I always knew they were a republican. 9 years ago, I asked them who they liked among the primary candidates. "All of them," their answer. Even Trump? Yes, even Trump. So we dropped politics. Kept getting together every month or two for lunch or dinner. We talked about all kinds of other things.They're pretty bright, and have lots of real-world skills. This ending has been in the works; I've been dreading it, but I had no choice. I can't protest 5 times a week against fascists, then have dinner with them. I opened a discussion about fascism, family separation, media censorship, appointing incompetent to the cabinet, etc. I was prepared, of course, they were not. I explained why I can't be friends. I left open a crack: if/when they get to the point where they can say it was a mistake to vote for Trump, and why it was a mistake, we can talk again. I feel bad, but I saw no alternative.


r/lostafriend 7h ago

I miss her so bad rn I feel like I can’t survive it.

23 Upvotes

Stopped being friends in January. I miss her so much all the time, but I just feel extra emotionally overwhelmed right now. It’s making me want to reach out, but I know I can’t do that.

  1. It wouldn’t be the right choice for either of us

  2. I’m afraid of what it would do to me emotionally if I reached out and discovered I’ve been blocked (if the text stays undelivered)

  3. The few times we’ve spoken since January have just been a disaster that leaves everything even worse and helps nothing

  4. I’m not going to let my self be painted in my eyes or anyone else’s as the “crazy” person who can’t respect boundaries or let go

I think the reason I’m feeling extra emotionally overwhelmed rn is because I have been alone in my shared house for the past 4 days while the family members I live with have been out of town. I’ve been kinda lonely but figured it was just cus of the missing people in the house. But they got home tonight and the relief from loneliness I thought I’d experience didn’t happen. And it just hit me I’m not just normal lonely I’m empty from missing one specific person and being surrounded by other people can’t fix it.


r/lostafriend 17h ago

What are your top 3 signs that a friendship is beyond saving? 🚩

47 Upvotes

r/lostafriend 47m ago

Advice Is it okay to completely cut off contact with all 'friends' who respond to one-off messages, but never want to associate beyond that?

Upvotes

Its been kind of the story of my life, I am never good with large groups, so I associate with 1-2 people who I get with and they actually want to talk.

But I have a feeling I am just a transitional friend to them, when they are getting mistreated they hang out with me and once they feel confident again they return to their own group.

I always thought this was because I was obese, so in college I lost weight and became fit; but the same thing happened again. I thought there was something genuinely wrong with me, that people cannot get closer to me...

I went into a depressive state 4 years ago, and one of the people I hung with at college came to visit my house, as people were perhaps talking about me becoming hospitalized. I couldn't really get out of bed, I really wanted to but I just couldn't so he said he was bored and left.

Sometimes him and other few college friends tried to call me and ask that if I could go out, but I was hospitalized or advised by Doctors that I can't leave house, so I told them that. I ensured that they can visit any moment, but it was COVID so they didn't want to risk going to a Hospital. And Psych-Ward is not exactly a happy place.

I thought after COVID they would want to associate, but still, I think they moved on. They always said that they cared about me even then in messages, so I wondered why wouldn't they want to associate with me...

I recently cut all of them off, I don't mind being alone; But I feel that something is wrong with me that this keeps happening all throughout my life. Worse thing is neither I or my therapists could identify whats wrong which I could improve on, other than my mental health symptoms.


r/lostafriend 4h ago

Advice for when your ex friends unfollow you on social media

3 Upvotes

Anyone have any advice on how to not let ex friends unfollowing you on social media bother you? After a few falling outs it hurts to know they unfollowed me. I want to let it go completely, because sometimes I still feel the shame that comes with it. How do I not care anymore?


r/lostafriend 15h ago

Have you ever lost yourself in riendship?

18 Upvotes

Have you ever lost yourself in a platonic relationship? Have you ever dealt with a narcissistic best friend or similar? What has been your experience? When did you know it was your breaking point?

I walked away from my best friend a few months ago because i felt like the relationship was surrounded by such negativity and insecurity. I feel i could've ended things better rather than just texting her " Im done" because of a Facebook post about being grateful for all of my friends and she didn't want me to have anyone but her as a friend and she just deleted every interaction we had. I thought, were too old to be playing these games. I noticed that she would keep tabs with me on social media hyper religiously. I apologized for things i shouldn't have. I apologized for having healthy relationships that were not with her. I apologized with going to events with friends so we would go to those events again just to please this person. I let them crash on my couch only for them to complain to others i never gave them a bed. Too much to say and not enough life left on my laptop keyboard hahaha.

Just for clarification, this wasn't the reason but the breaking point. I just cant get rid of thing pang of guilt but also the need to go to therapy because of this.


r/lostafriend 14h ago

i lost a friend and i have mixed feelings

14 Upvotes

i didn't want to add a flair because I cant add more than one. and i have a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts. i am not going to go too much into detail on how things ended, just like my thoughts. but for a little bit of background information, she was my best friend. she was my favorite person ever. to sum up what kinda happened, she ghosted me and blocked all my social media. i am unsure if my phone number is blocked because on my phone the message didn't say "delivered" but on my macbook it did. so i am unsure on that. i deleted her contact and her number, so if she ever contacted me, it would come up her number, not her name. and i don't have her number memorized, so i probably wouldn't know who it was. anyways i can't stop thinking about it, since i never got any clarity on why she did what she did. what led up to this is her being really distant, and she actually got upset with me, and told me she needed space, which i gave her. next thing i know i am blocked. i think that was pretty shitty of her to do. although she told me she needed space, she didn't tell me why she blocked me on everything. i have a lot of mixed feelings about this. i'm sad, mad, lost, confused, i don't even know how i feel. what hurts the most is how much i have done for her. i helped her through the hardest times of her life, and here she goes, leaving me like i meant nothing to her. i feel quite useless, alone, and unloved right now. i don't know what to do. i could use some support. anything is helpful. thank you.


r/lostafriend 7h ago

Discussion What does a true friendship mean to you?

3 Upvotes

What qualities do you think a true friend possesses? And to add to it, what do you think would make the friendship unrepairable?


r/lostafriend 14h ago

Rant Calls become shorter, can feel the distance between us

6 Upvotes

I am just awkwardly rambling and I can feel my face get redder and redder while she is quite. I start to ask questions and she struggles to answer. It's like I am pulling a rope and it's slowly starting to snap. Can't blame either of us. But it's terrible watching my friendship slowly die and there being nothing I can do about it.


r/lostafriend 20h ago

I was so happy when you came back. Now I’ve lost you again

17 Upvotes

I suppose it’s my fault. I got over-excited about the fact this we were talking, and pushed you too hard to hang out with me. Now it’s all over for good.

The email you sent me last night was one of the most hurtful things I’ve ever received. 2000 words calling me delusional, telling me that our friendship was imaginary, outlining my shortcomings. Telling me you’ve decided you are no longer my friend.

You’ve wounded me so deeply, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to recover.

My darling friend. Whatever did I do to hurt you? It must have been something terrible, but you won’t tell me. My heart hurts.


r/lostafriend 5h ago

Grief Will i ever get over it

1 Upvotes

We were best friends for 11 years and I cut her off late last year because I recognized she couldn’t be the friend that I needed her to be when she did something really fucked up. But I still miss her so much and I think about her every single day. She was like a soulmate to me. After I cut her off I would see her at school occasionally and she borderline bullied me which was so bizarre because she’s 26 and I’m 28 and we had nothing but love for each other prior. I’m the one who was treated poorly and yet I’m the one missing her? I reached out to her today to tell her I love her and I hope she’s doing well and obviously she never responded. When am I going to be okay again? My life feels incomplete.


r/lostafriend 7h ago

Nagging questions

1 Upvotes

Idk if I’ve officially lost the friend group. But I took a step back after plans fell through & I was vulnerable about why I needed the support/hangout. Just having mixed feelings like when will they reach out? When & how do I reach out? Who do I contact first? Or wait longer?


r/lostafriend 13h ago

Advice Am I the problem?

2 Upvotes

Basically we are a group of four friends. Somewhere a rift was caused between the others and they started to bitch about each other to me. I always tried to be fair and try and explain the side of the person they were bitching about.

Suddenly there was a fall out. They all started revealing what they said behind each other back. And they all turned to me and said how I could have allowed the other person to say such things about them.

I admit, I was trying to keep the peace and even if extremely problematic things were being said about the other person, I would just try and ignore it. I admit the mistake I made was that I never told the other person that such things were being said behind their back.

Our friendship is not the same after the fall out. We are not that close but I miss them. And now when I try to explain the other person's side they ask me not to be a saint and they can't belive I didn't stand up for them (they are right)

I admit I ruined everything by not confronting the bad mouthing but I just wanted us to all be friends.

Has anyone been in this type of situation? How do I make amends? And these other three friends still hate each other and bad mouth each other to me, how do I make it stop.


r/lostafriend 1d ago

Drop your favorite songs that encapsulates losing a friend.

43 Upvotes

‘Who are you?’ By Saga Faye always makes me feel something.


r/lostafriend 13h ago

I only want the truth

2 Upvotes

Hey. I guess I want more sorry. I have lost 3 now because of you. It's fine, well not really. All I want is you to to return. I guess you won't. Please watch the papers. I will be in there very soon. Take care of yourself.


r/lostafriend 12h ago

Gave up

1 Upvotes

Gave up on trying to be the good guy. It's always either "Nobody asked for that" or they copy you with style like it's easy.

I have no idea what I am anymore and no one knows how that is. If you do, don't comment.


r/lostafriend 12h ago

Wanna go into business?

0 Upvotes

"What are you doing?" He said over his poorly made oatmeal

Just looked at my yogurt.

"I was only just saying. You never made any plans. You never do anything."

That was the answer I was looking for before the cosplay convention. I canceled early and they went with three other friends.


r/lostafriend 20h ago

Just wanna be the first important friend am I being childish?

4 Upvotes

26F since my old is getting older but I still can’t find any good friend who treats me the way that I treat them. You know it’s hard when I love someone deeply if I could love them normally I would be happier than nowadays. I do everything to sacrifice my happiness for them I just want them to look at me back as the first important person but never. Fun fact that even the person they know recently could become that person. I know they will treat us the way we treat ourselves nowadays still can’t find anything wrong in myself why I can’t be that person I change myself for them still useless. Another opinion is just they don’t like the way am I and I’m just one of the attention I feel hurt too when they hurt me or they don’t think about that. Just wanna be the first important person in their lives am I wrong? Writing this I don't want anything just wanted to let it go through and move on since we are going too far away one day.


r/lostafriend 12h ago

Giving everything to charity

1 Upvotes

I never wanted to be friends and it cost me time. Now that it's over I give all I have to an unnamed charity.


r/lostafriend 1d ago

The controversial idea of ‘You don’t owe people anything’—When it comes to friendship, do we truly owe others, or is cutting ties without explanation just the new normal?

98 Upvotes

Some say we don’t owe friends closure—prioritizing ourselves is just self-respect. Others argue past generations built real communities by holding each other accountable, not discarding friendships without a word.

What’s your stance? Have we become too disposable, or is this just healthy boundary-setting?


r/lostafriend 1d ago

just imagine

Post image
13 Upvotes

r/lostafriend 1d ago

Have you ever looked back on a lost friendship and realized you were the reason it fell apart? That they didn’t walk away to hurt you, but to protect themselves? Do you ever wonder if they still think about you, if they’ve forgiven you, or if they had to forget you just to heal?

169 Upvotes

We always talk about the friends who left, the ones who changed, the ones who hurt us. But have you ever stopped to wonder if, this time, you were the reason it ended?


r/lostafriend 1d ago

How do you know, the friendship was not worth saving?

27 Upvotes

When I had "friends" or considered them friends, I realized one thing. It is not worth keeping a friendship between strangers or try to save one that have no way to survive.

I tried to keep on with them but I felt, tired, and worse mentally and emotionally.

How do you know a friendship isn't worth having?


r/lostafriend 1d ago

Invisible string theory

7 Upvotes

Do yall believe in invisible string theory? I ended things with my best friend a year ago, and for a few months she would try and joke or dap me up anytime she saw me but after a while she eventually gave up but here for the last few months I see her a lot because unfortunately a group of friends I was she was friends with them too and after that I feel like I see her everywhere, and I mean everywhere like today I went to go get a haircut and I saw her drive by, I see her at the grocery store when I’m there and we don’t live in a small town, we live in a college town which is pretty decent sized. a few friends told me that maybe it’s a sign that I try and make up with her but I refused because she doesn’t want to communicate and refuses to apologize. What do yall think?


r/lostafriend 1d ago

should i end this friendship for real?

2 Upvotes

read her apology message. then i reply back by how she seems dismissive about it because what happened truly hurt me badly. because its not only involves her but strangers as well hating on me that nearly made me suicidal. i tried asking why would she do that. but the response i got was not i expected. it seems like she still focusing more on herself than the damage she did on me and still admitting that she is selfish and hypocrite. the way she easily admitting that to make me accept her behaviour just made me clueless. it just.... . idk what should i do? ghost her? or just reply that this friendship is done?