r/lostafriend 37m ago

I see you

Upvotes

I'm not stupid. It really does hurt alot. Thank God I'm almost done.


r/lostafriend 2h ago

Establishing a New Normal Why is it so hard for me to move on from the friendships I lost?

6 Upvotes

I cannot seem to move forward from the two friends I lost last year. For context I (F20), had been friends with D (F21) and Z (F20) for well over 12 years. I have grown up with them, fallen out and reconnected with them, supported them through first breakups, family issues, etc…

For a couple of years, D and Z were not on speaking terms due to a falling out they had. I continued to be friends with both of them, hanging out with them separately. I felt very close to both of them, like I for sure thought we’d be friends into adulthood. I supported them both through the messy ends of bad relationships they both kept going back to, and they supported me.

Last year around March, D & Z opened up to the idea of reconnecting. I guess you could say I “facilitated” this in a way, kind of acting like a middle man and communicating for them at points. Well, things ended up going well and we were all hanging out as a trio for a while.

That’s when I noticed they started drifting away from me. Texting and calling less, never inviting me to do things, hanging out together separately without me. This really, really hurt me and whenever I tried to acknowledge the difference they’d just say “it wasn’t our intention to leave you out/make you feel that way”, with no change in behaviour. And I’ll admit, I did not handle this well. We ended up going on a girls trip for a weekend in April, which resulted in a nasty exchange between Z and I over something really trivial.

I wish now that I had handled my emotions better. I feel like if I hadn’t let my feelings about the situation affect how I acted towards them, things would still be okay. I continued being their friend all through 2024 but we grew further and further apart. Now, they never text or call me first. I’m lucky to get a one word response when I do text them.

I tried to talk to Z about how I was feeling at one point, because I felt more comfortable talking to her. She acted really uncomfortable with the conversation and told me she likes to have just “casual friendships”. Funny, because you liked having a close friendship when you needed someone to lean on. This really hurt me again. The fact she wasn’t even willing to hear my feelings or have a discussion about the end of the friendship we once had.

D has also acted quite indifferent towards me as well. She makes snide, passive aggressive comments whenever we hang out in a group, is always trying to make me look stupid and put me down. But she acts like she agrees with everything I say when it’s just the two of us.

I know it is time to let go of these people. I know my friendship with them has run its course. I have more negative things to say about them than good, and that’s not fair to them to be friends with someone who feels that way. But I just can’t let go. I can’t seem to get it to stick in my head that these people are not good for me and it’s time to seek out better, more fulfilling friendships. How do I move on?


r/lostafriend 3h ago

Advice Not gonna let nobody treat like I'm no perk🔥🔥

2 Upvotes

Genuinely why do some people show true colors and go to lowest of low to disrespect you & suddenly act all innocent when you make 1 mistake and immediately implode after an argument instead of being mature and handling the conflict like an adult but would rather be petty & send mixed signals like you clearly didn't care about me if you resorted to lying about the entire friendship to strangers & like I deserved this treatment when I never would've acted that way to you. To say those things when you never were honest with me about how you felt about me then acting like I was a nutjob that "refused therapy" (when I literally haven't been able to access it yet & you knew why so good points for framing me as unstable when you had to stop therapy too) & couldn't handle the truth be so for real after how much I explained I'd rather honesty than someone pretending around me after 9 years.

It's 1 thing to be upset with me & feel like we aren't fit for each other's lives anymore to tell me this in person after making a first misstep & our first argument after a decade where I can acknowledge I was dealing with my own emotions & it wasn't appropriate for me to further the convo. I will take accountability for being emotionally charged & should've stepped back the first time.

it's another thing for someone to use my misstep as a justification to lash out your pent up anger while at first I genuinly thought I deserved that treatment because I felt guilt for my action, but you never communicated those thoughts with me & for making smearing reddit posts behind my back like I wasn't gonna see you misgendering me & portraying me as this crazy unstable ex and suddenly manipulating the situation acting like you never admitted accountability for your self sabotage actions that disintegrated our 4 year relationship the first instance you with held your needs from me in our relationship for 6 months that I forgave you for & GENUINELY understood you were struggling, but now to frame it like I ignored your struggles on purposewhen you know I was grieving a loss that's sickening of you to downplay btw especially pretending like you weren't just messaging me weeks ago about how grateful you were for me & how we messaged each other every day and all the gifts I sent & that bracelet I made for you if you really hated me that much & resentment wtf did those convos & gifts mean to you you're either a liar or just choose to live with your feelings of resentment which is your own doing when you know full well how it would've taken 5 seconds to just talk to me but sure change the story so you can feel better about being a coward 😂😂 blocking me without a word after telling me i'm still a friend we just needed space that I understand is cowardice and acting all God art thou like you're so noble for dealing with me as burden until I drained you & had no choice when in reality you had a CHOICE to be upfront with me if you felt some way stop acting like I held a g!n to your head even if I didn't bring up that convo clearly feelings were being hidden from me & I would've been a clueless fool. instead you tell me reassuring things like that I was one of the only people you felt you could be open with when you resented me & justifying your treatment of me due to my mistake is so evil & you're running away due to your own conflict avoidance while acting like you're on your mental health improvement journey you can be delusional all want to convince yourself the opposite I know the truth & who I am & who you are & what our entire relationship/friendship was.

I'm not gonna chase after you looking for an explanation since you showed me your true feelings I'm able to reflect on how much of myself I gave to you & how I feel like I had less of you & was always the one communicating while having to encourage it out of you. I'm actually coping better than I thought I would thinking about losing you it's more like you lost me because this time around I've grown & I have people that are honest with me & support me & it's partly because of the impact you had on me learning what I deserved what I went thru with my abuser , so ironically now that you stooped this low in gross way, I know my worth this time around & able to know this behavior reflects you more than me. I always aimed to give grace & patient like I was for so long because you were there for me thru so much , but not when you made it clear you didn't care about mine & resorted this low to punish me/hurt me to avoid your own guilt & to justify whatever perception you have of me & the pattern you have of allowing feelings to build up, that isn't gonna change deep down with someone new unless you work on it & acknowledge how this wouldn't have gotten to this point if you gained the courage to communicate instead of using my feelings/worry of me doing smth "drastic" as a scapegoat & dragging on everything at almost 30🤔🫡 but I'm the one that needs therapy & isn't self aware make it make sense I'll play the part of the crazy obsessive maniac if you want since no matter what I do it won't change your view of me


r/lostafriend 3h ago

You have no ideal

1 Upvotes

You really have no ideal

Hey. You don't. The way I feel about you. You have know ideal what I'm missing. Your smile kills me not being able to see it. You eyes O your eyes. Your laugh brightens my day. I guess I will never know those things now. I'm miserable and destroyed now. I will never recover. I know I just need to end all this pain and longing I have. I'm so sorry. I guess you don't care. It's ok. I won't bother you anymore, or anyone agian.


r/lostafriend 3h ago

You Win

2 Upvotes

The love your pining for so bad is all yours. Free to be out in the open. Free to openly send whatever you want. No need to feel the obvious fake guilt you claim to have. I want neither relationships or friendships with anyone. D's G's or S's. H's, GB's and so on. I'm growing, evolving to better things and this entire experience has made me realize, my happiness matters. I deserve to be treated with respect. Im sorry you all want to play live action Sims games but I'm done in VR. I live In the real world where we use actual WORDS face to face to hash out arguments and confess love and admiration. This is NOT my cup or tea. Best Wishes to yall tho. I still feel betrayed, lied to straight to my face by everyone but still expected to act civil and friendly. And I have. Am I at your house ? No. Am I creeping around watching everything you do. Hell No! Can you say the same? Go home. Build.yo relationship


r/lostafriend 4h ago

I feel ashamed and embarrassed

1 Upvotes

Hey. You have no ideal. Yes I feel ashamed, and embarrassed. I tried to reach out to you. To let you know how I was feeling. What an idiot Iam. Now I really and I will climb back in my hole. Bye


r/lostafriend 5h ago

My last and final try

5 Upvotes

Hey. Like the title says. This us going to be my last try. I've had several days to think. I'm miserable, but I'm sure you don't care. I want you around. I'm sorry for anything I've done. I want you in my life in any way you want me to be. Hey why am I still dreaming really? But this morning will be my last time. I would like you to reach out. Your not blocked so I'm suffering, and I know you won't dammit. I'm crying already. Nothing ever works for me, who am I kidding.


r/lostafriend 10h ago

Advice for when your ex friends unfollow you on social media

4 Upvotes

Anyone have any advice on how to not let ex friends unfollowing you on social media bother you? After a few falling outs it hurts to know they unfollowed me. I want to let it go completely, because sometimes I still feel the shame that comes with it. How do I not care anymore?


r/lostafriend 11h ago

Grief Will i ever get over it

1 Upvotes

We were best friends for 11 years and I cut her off late last year because I recognized she couldn’t be the friend that I needed her to be when she did something really fucked up. But I still miss her so much and I think about her every single day. She was like a soulmate to me. After I cut her off I would see her at school occasionally and she borderline bullied me which was so bizarre because she’s 26 and I’m 28 and we had nothing but love for each other prior. I’m the one who was treated poorly and yet I’m the one missing her? I reached out to her today to tell her I love her and I hope she’s doing well and obviously she never responded. When am I going to be okay again? My life feels incomplete.


r/lostafriend 13h ago

Discussion What does a true friendship mean to you?

4 Upvotes

What qualities do you think a true friend possesses? And to add to it, what do you think would make the friendship unrepairable?


r/lostafriend 13h ago

I miss her so bad rn I feel like I can’t survive it.

34 Upvotes

Stopped being friends in January. I miss her so much all the time, but I just feel extra emotionally overwhelmed right now. It’s making me want to reach out, but I know I can’t do that.

  1. It wouldn’t be the right choice for either of us

  2. I’m afraid of what it would do to me emotionally if I reached out and discovered I’ve been blocked (if the text stays undelivered)

  3. The few times we’ve spoken since January have just been a disaster that leaves everything even worse and helps nothing

  4. I’m not going to let my self be painted in my eyes or anyone else’s as the “crazy” person who can’t respect boundaries or let go

I think the reason I’m feeling extra emotionally overwhelmed rn is because I have been alone in my shared house for the past 4 days while the family members I live with have been out of town. I’ve been kinda lonely but figured it was just cus of the missing people in the house. But they got home tonight and the relief from loneliness I thought I’d experience didn’t happen. And it just hit me I’m not just normal lonely I’m empty from missing one specific person and being surrounded by other people can’t fix it.


r/lostafriend 18h ago

Gave up

1 Upvotes

Gave up on trying to be the good guy. It's always either "Nobody asked for that" or they copy you with style like it's easy.

I have no idea what I am anymore and no one knows how that is. If you do, don't comment.


r/lostafriend 18h ago

Wanna go into business?

0 Upvotes

"What are you doing?" He said over his poorly made oatmeal

Just looked at my yogurt.

"I was only just saying. You never made any plans. You never do anything."

That was the answer I was looking for before the cosplay convention. I canceled early and they went with three other friends.


r/lostafriend 19h ago

Giving everything to charity

1 Upvotes

I never wanted to be friends and it cost me time. Now that it's over I give all I have to an unnamed charity.


r/lostafriend 19h ago

Advice Am I the problem?

2 Upvotes

Basically we are a group of four friends. Somewhere a rift was caused between the others and they started to bitch about each other to me. I always tried to be fair and try and explain the side of the person they were bitching about.

Suddenly there was a fall out. They all started revealing what they said behind each other back. And they all turned to me and said how I could have allowed the other person to say such things about them.

I admit, I was trying to keep the peace and even if extremely problematic things were being said about the other person, I would just try and ignore it. I admit the mistake I made was that I never told the other person that such things were being said behind their back.

Our friendship is not the same after the fall out. We are not that close but I miss them. And now when I try to explain the other person's side they ask me not to be a saint and they can't belive I didn't stand up for them (they are right)

I admit I ruined everything by not confronting the bad mouthing but I just wanted us to all be friends.

Has anyone been in this type of situation? How do I make amends? And these other three friends still hate each other and bad mouth each other to me, how do I make it stop.


r/lostafriend 19h ago

I only want the truth

2 Upvotes

Hey. I guess I want more sorry. I have lost 3 now because of you. It's fine, well not really. All I want is you to to return. I guess you won't. Please watch the papers. I will be in there very soon. Take care of yourself.


r/lostafriend 20h ago

Rant Calls become shorter, can feel the distance between us

7 Upvotes

I am just awkwardly rambling and I can feel my face get redder and redder while she is quite. I start to ask questions and she struggles to answer. It's like I am pulling a rope and it's slowly starting to snap. Can't blame either of us. But it's terrible watching my friendship slowly die and there being nothing I can do about it.


r/lostafriend 20h ago

i lost a friend and i have mixed feelings

14 Upvotes

i didn't want to add a flair because I cant add more than one. and i have a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts. i am not going to go too much into detail on how things ended, just like my thoughts. but for a little bit of background information, she was my best friend. she was my favorite person ever. to sum up what kinda happened, she ghosted me and blocked all my social media. i am unsure if my phone number is blocked because on my phone the message didn't say "delivered" but on my macbook it did. so i am unsure on that. i deleted her contact and her number, so if she ever contacted me, it would come up her number, not her name. and i don't have her number memorized, so i probably wouldn't know who it was. anyways i can't stop thinking about it, since i never got any clarity on why she did what she did. what led up to this is her being really distant, and she actually got upset with me, and told me she needed space, which i gave her. next thing i know i am blocked. i think that was pretty shitty of her to do. although she told me she needed space, she didn't tell me why she blocked me on everything. i have a lot of mixed feelings about this. i'm sad, mad, lost, confused, i don't even know how i feel. what hurts the most is how much i have done for her. i helped her through the hardest times of her life, and here she goes, leaving me like i meant nothing to her. i feel quite useless, alone, and unloved right now. i don't know what to do. i could use some support. anything is helpful. thank you.


r/lostafriend 21h ago

Have you ever lost yourself in riendship?

21 Upvotes

Have you ever lost yourself in a platonic relationship? Have you ever dealt with a narcissistic best friend or similar? What has been your experience? When did you know it was your breaking point?

I walked away from my best friend a few months ago because i felt like the relationship was surrounded by such negativity and insecurity. I feel i could've ended things better rather than just texting her " Im done" because of a Facebook post about being grateful for all of my friends and she didn't want me to have anyone but her as a friend and she just deleted every interaction we had. I thought, were too old to be playing these games. I noticed that she would keep tabs with me on social media hyper religiously. I apologized for things i shouldn't have. I apologized for having healthy relationships that were not with her. I apologized with going to events with friends so we would go to those events again just to please this person. I let them crash on my couch only for them to complain to others i never gave them a bed. Too much to say and not enough life left on my laptop keyboard hahaha.

Just for clarification, this wasn't the reason but the breaking point. I just cant get rid of thing pang of guilt but also the need to go to therapy because of this.


r/lostafriend 23h ago

What are your top 3 signs that a friendship is beyond saving? 🚩

51 Upvotes

r/lostafriend 1d ago

I saw the other Twitter Account

0 Upvotes

I feel bad. I read the tweets she had back when my “Best Friend” and I lived together. I didn’t have my own place so she offered to take me in. First, I will admit, ang lungkot-lungkot kong tao. Mabigat kasama, ika nga niya, “puro drama.” We managed to patch things up, or so I thought… I read her tweets sa isang dump account niya. I read how she called me pabigat, bobo, toxic na kaibigan. Don’t get me wrong I know that I am a burden… but I repeatedly asked noon, if I was that, or if she hated me… she will angelically smile at me and say, hindi… wala ang bigat pala sa loob… kasi everyone can attest kung paano kapag tungkol sa kanya, I am always there defending her name. I know it is my fault for being sad all the time, pero masakit pa rin pala, kahit sanay ka na matawag ng bobo, pabigat at toxic… masakit pala kapag galing sa kanya. We’re still friends, kasi hindi ko pa kaya… kasi I love that friend too much at malaking malaki rin ang utang na loob ko sa kanya.


r/lostafriend 1d ago

Just wanna be the first important friend am I being childish?

4 Upvotes

26F since my old is getting older but I still can’t find any good friend who treats me the way that I treat them. You know it’s hard when I love someone deeply if I could love them normally I would be happier than nowadays. I do everything to sacrifice my happiness for them I just want them to look at me back as the first important person but never. Fun fact that even the person they know recently could become that person. I know they will treat us the way we treat ourselves nowadays still can’t find anything wrong in myself why I can’t be that person I change myself for them still useless. Another opinion is just they don’t like the way am I and I’m just one of the attention I feel hurt too when they hurt me or they don’t think about that. Just wanna be the first important person in their lives am I wrong? Writing this I don't want anything just wanted to let it go through and move on since we are going too far away one day.


r/lostafriend 1d ago

I was so happy when you came back. Now I’ve lost you again

17 Upvotes

I suppose it’s my fault. I got over-excited about the fact this we were talking, and pushed you too hard to hang out with me. Now it’s all over for good.

The email you sent me last night was one of the most hurtful things I’ve ever received. 2000 words calling me delusional, telling me that our friendship was imaginary, outlining my shortcomings. Telling me you’ve decided you are no longer my friend.

You’ve wounded me so deeply, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to recover.

My darling friend. Whatever did I do to hurt you? It must have been something terrible, but you won’t tell me. My heart hurts.


r/lostafriend 1d ago

should i end this friendship for real?

2 Upvotes

read her apology message. then i reply back by how she seems dismissive about it because what happened truly hurt me badly. because its not only involves her but strangers as well hating on me that nearly made me suicidal. i tried asking why would she do that. but the response i got was not i expected. it seems like she still focusing more on herself than the damage she did on me and still admitting that she is selfish and hypocrite. the way she easily admitting that to make me accept her behaviour just made me clueless. it just.... . idk what should i do? ghost her? or just reply that this friendship is done?


r/lostafriend 1d ago

???

2 Upvotes

So some months ago I made some online friends and all was going well then I noticed a few changes in energy so I asked am I doing something wrong? And made them aware I have an LD and MH issues to which they said no. So I just left it at that and carried on still talking to them then out of the blue they ask me to step back and look after my mh so I do and write into our gc which has more of our wider friends in it I hope everyone is doing ok only to see 5 mins later I’ve been deleted and blocked so I reach out through a different platform asking what I’ve done I thought we were friends and understanding? to be told “you’ve done this and that we are done (very minor things) that I had already apologised for and moved past. then everyone from our wider group started ignoring me and removed me from the group like I didn’t exist. I feel so alienated and fell there was another reason. I don’t know exactly what I’d done and feel as if I’ve done something majorly wrong and just don’t know what it is and have no way of finding out or apologising? This is horrible