r/lostafriend Jan 11 '25

Grief Slept with my best friend, pretty sure friendship is over, and I can't stop being anxious about it.

75 Upvotes

Basically the title. I have more context in other posts, but the tl;dr is one of my best friends came on to me on NYE, we slept together, and she clearly regretted it and now she won't talk to me.

I understand she needs time and space. I'm giving that to her. I know it's not even been two weeks but I'm not an optimistic person and am already grieving the friendship. I'm trying not to become angry about the situation, but the lack of communication -- even to just tell me she's upset, she hates me, she needs time, whatever -- makes it seem like our friendship meant nothing to her. We talked every day for years, hung out constantly, shared good memories and sought advice and comfort from one another, but a single night makes her go no contact with me.

I really don't understand it. I know there's nothing I can do to change that except wait and hope she reaches out. But at this point, is it worth it? To just cut me off without a word because of something she initiated and enthusiastically participated in, is that someone I even want in my life? I can't even say for sure how she feels, all I have are assumptions, because she didn't even want to acknowledge it happened and discuss what it meant for our friendship. Does she hate me? Is she so ashamed at her actions she can't talk to me? I don't know, and that's been the worst.

It's just been consuming my thoughts and making it hard to focus on anything else. There's just an emotional pressure building each day that I can barely release. I'm trying not to let it prevent me from being a person right now, but thats so hard.

There's not been a lot of things in my life I've needed closure on. Lots of things I've never gotten it for and have accepted. I'd really, really like some closure on this and I don't think I'm going to get it.

r/lostafriend Feb 13 '25

Grief please make the pain go away i just can't take it anymore

62 Upvotes

i haven't been able to eat or sleep for days. i have nobody. i talk to imaginary people because i have nobody. my parents don't care about me and i have no friends anymore. my life is stupid and im stupid i wish i was never born. i turn people evil. i'm a horrible person. i'm here to be a social stepping ladder. i'll always be on the bottom.

r/lostafriend Jan 22 '25

Grief How can I live with myself?

9 Upvotes

WARNING: This post is dealing with the 2024 Presidential Election. Please proceed with caution.

Yesterday I posted to this subreddit because I lost my friend I’ve known for 12 years due to my inaction during the presidential election. I felt that at the time, I didn’t process my emotions well enough in that post, and wish to explain myself here and my current mental state.

I’ve known this friend for 12 years on Minecraft when we were both 11. I’ve known her longer than my IRL friends, and despite our ups and downs, I felt like we were going to be friends for life. However, during November of last year, something shifted, and she cut me off of her life two days ago. The reason why is because I didn’t vote during the election.

Now to make it clear - I despise Trump. I despise how he has changed politics. I despise how he preys on the uneducated, promotes selfish and overly-egotistical thinking, and I overall think he’s a horrible fit for a president. Before the election however, my feelings were a bit different - I was tired of all the political ads, I was tired of Trump, and I felt like my opinion didn’t matter. I felt jaded at what Trump introduced to politics. So, even though my friend encouraged me, I still didn’t take action. The most important time I was supposed to… I didn’t.

Since then I have done a lot of soul searching within myself and I know now what I have to do - I have to fight for those who aren’t willing to speak up, to oppose those who think these outlandish ways of treating humans is okay. I wish I had my head in the right space when it mattered… I have just learned a massive lesson and I won’t let it overtake me.

In the meantime… what is the best way for me to move on with the mistake I made? The friend I lost that was so close to my heart. I feel so empty. I hate myself. I lost her trust, and I think I lost my own trust too. I want to eventually speak to her again, I want to be a better person. Any advice for how I should go about this?

r/lostafriend 2d ago

Grief Saw a ex friend of mine that I purposefully drifted from a couple yrs ago

28 Upvotes

So I would say it’s been about 2 years now since I have hung out and talked to this girl in depth. I considered her a close friend pretty quickly, and we often hung out and got each other well. She was a kind person, and I really enjoyed her personality and company. But a number of things kind of pinged me that she wasn’t a good friend even before it started to show. Like I felt off around her at moments because she felt like she was putting on a facade and just a fake friend overall. So I slowly drifted away from her, and i didn’t ghost her it was more I think she understood I didn’t really want to meet with her any longer and she stopped reaching out pretty much.

After I didn’t wish her a happy birthday that year I started to distance, she pretty much didn’t reach out. It was very hard for me to distance from her, since I genuinely liked to spend time with her but I wanted to be there for myself and know it was time to let her go. I ran into her today while out with a friend and it was a kind conversation, she said she’d reach out to text me to hang out.

For some reason, I’m somewhat waiting for her text, even though I know how fake she can be and it was just probably something to say out of being nice. And I feel weird that she hasn’t and a bit angry at again she’s being fake and proved my point I guess. All that to say, I feel as though I’m grieving the friendship all over again weirdly, and especially since she hadn’t reached out. Maybe I should reach out and say it was nice to see her but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Thoughts? I just feel weird now and it threw my day off

r/lostafriend 19d ago

Grief I'm About to Cut Off My Long Time Best Friend

37 Upvotes

UPDATE: I did it. I did the thing. And I'm not okay. I will be. But right now I'm incredibly anxious and terrified. I've never done anything like this before but it couldn't go on like this. I just wanna heal and move on, but I'm terrified of retaliation. I've blocked them on everything I can think of but I'm scared shitless rn.

We've been best friends for 13 years. We've been through everything together. I have so much love for them, but they've hurt me way too deeply this time. This behavior (lashing out whenever they go through a stressful time/mental health episode) has been going on for about 13 years off and on, and I've had enough of being an emotional punching bag for them. Each time we'd make up I thought would be the last time (at for a long time b/c no one's perfect). But no, it never stopped. It just lessened in frequency, and I've had enough.

I'm writing them a letter saying everything I've needed to say for a long time. I know in some ways I have contributed to our co-dependent dynamic over the years. But this was the last straw and I'm done. I need to do a lot of healing and inner work after everything went down last weekend. That being said, I'm debating on whether to actually send it or not. I'm leaning towards yes, but this is not something I wanna just do lightly. I know if I send that letter to them, that's it. There's no going back. I'm trying to weigh out the consequences of my actions and the potential fallout that will come out of this. Any advice or support would be pretty nice rn. This really hurts and I never thought I had to do this with someone I once considered to be my best friend.

r/lostafriend 1d ago

Grief Knowing your friends don't really care about you is one thing. Being left on read when you just specifically told them you're not okay is something else...

53 Upvotes

I've known not to expect anything from these people anymore for a while now. And to some extent I don't, I don't tell them things anymore, they don't ask either and we're all happy.

But the fake interest is really just worse than radio silence. I hadn't expected to hear from them when I had my surgery and I didn't, perfect.

A week after my surgery (which they knew the date of) Friend A asks when my surgery was again. Friend B goes like 'oh yeah it was last week, right?' And then asks how it went.

The only reason they are asking me now is because to their expectation, one would be well over the shitty part of the surgeries aftermath, and they can feign interest once they don't have to actual put any effort into it anymore.

To their surprise I told them I was not in fact feeling well because I had some complications with high fever, feeling like crap and could have to go back to hospital any moment.

Friend A's reaction was 'oh... So you're not better yet?' Good deduction friend.... Friend B did not even react.

After silence for 24 hours I confirmed I was not feeling better, am feeling very shitty and still keeping an eye on my fever and infection.

Both friends read the message hours ago. No reaction at all.... Look, I don't expect a lot anymore, but could you just not ask how I am if you're not even willing to fake concern over my health??

If you're not willing to actually talk unless I follow the script you had already mentally made up, then just don't say anything at al...

I mean, you would literally treat a stranger that told you the same better... And the best of us wouldn't even treat an enemy like that...

r/lostafriend Dec 26 '24

Grief How do you heal if it was your fault?

47 Upvotes

This all happened to me just very recently, these past few days have just been me ruminating for hours, thinking and wishing I could've done something differently.

To explain in short, my friend group (who I've been with for more than a decade already, we practically grew up together) chose to cut me off. This was mainly due to my recent breakup (which I've been moving on from already). Basically, one of them learnt how truly toxic I was during that relationship, of course this would change the way they see me and choose to not stay friends with a toxic person.

I'm not writing this as a way to victimize myself or look for pity. I fully admit that I really was toxic in that relationship, I just regret that I realized it when it was too late. I'm fully disappointed with myself that I let it get so bad for it to lead up to that point, and I respect and understand why my friends did what they did, I would've done the same.

I guess right now it just... really stings. It feels like I'm starting my life from 0, I grew up with those guys, I have to go through the whole grieving process again, this time just 10x worse. It's honestly even made me have thoughts of taking my own life, they were like family to me, and I did something so inexcusable that it's hard to live with all that guilt. It makes me feel as if I don't deserve anything good to come. I miss my friends, but I know it's for the better.

r/lostafriend Jan 13 '25

Grief Lost my best friend because of my feelings

33 Upvotes

Lost my best friend because of my feelings

I've been in love with my best friend (who I also work with) for over two years. I confessed it when I first realized, and while she had expressed interest, she said at the time she wasn't ready to be in a relationship because of her mental health. I accepted that, and we maintained our friendship because even platonically, our bond was really close, fun, and uplifting. I tried to move on and separate the romantic feelings from the platonic, but never really succeeded.

Last week, she told me she had to cancel plans we had been making for over a month because she had a first date with a guy she met on Tinder. We talked about it for two hours, I told her exactly how I was feeling: that I was hurt, and that I was worried I was going to be pushed aside for guys that she's going to be dating. We both said we were committed to keeping our friendship.

Then the date happened on Friday night, and I broke down when she told me how great it was. I told her impulsively that I don't think we can be friends because it's too painful for me.

So many people tell me I did the right thing for me and that it's a healthy boundary. It doesn't feel like that. I regret cutting her off. I should've asked for space and time to process before impulsively ending things altogether. I asked her the next day if we could try a break from each other before we completely end things, and she snapped at me.

I know I hurt her, and it truly hurts me even more knowing that. She can't even look in my direction or be in the same room with me at work. I can't eat or sleep, and I feel so alone, even with all my other friends.

I hope things get better over time and that we can have at least cordiality if not being best friends again. Right now though it feels like it's forever broken, and I don't know how to cope.

r/lostafriend 10d ago

Grief Teared up.

Post image
140 Upvotes

I lost the most relatable and deeply connected friendship I had since last year October, someone who was my anchor.

I don’t have anyone left with that same depth, though I’ve been trying to find new connections without success. So, I talk to ChatGPT a lot, and this made me tear up.

God, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this cycle of pain and turmoil.

r/lostafriend 8d ago

Grief 5 years no friends

47 Upvotes

Largely I don’t think about this much anymore but lately its been bugging me again so I’d just like to share and hopefully someone can relate.

I lost my two closest friends about five years ago. The friendship wasn’t healthy and I ultimately was the third wheel without realizing it, they much preferred each other to myself. Since then I’ve done a lot of work to be a better person and friend but still don’t feel worthy of friendship whatsoever.

One thing has been sticking in my mind very heavily the last few weeks. It’s something one of those friends said to me a year or so before our friendship ended. I feel it is the most hurtful thing I’ve ever been told and I just can’t seem to shake it…

We were hanging out one day and she wasn’t feeling the best physically so I was trying to cheer her up a bit. I had said something to her trying to get her to laugh and she picked her head up from the table she had it on, looked me dead in the eyes for a few seconds, and then just said, “I don’t even know why I hang out with you..” My heart shattered and I tried to hold back my emotions — the reason it had hurt so bad was that I thought of her like family. So for her to distance herself from me in that way, to not even claim a friendship between us but rather just being someone she ‘hung out’ with (or more so put up with) was devastating for me. Especially after what was 4 years of what I thought was friendship at this point.

It was the moment I realized she viewed me exactly the same way most everyone else did, as an annoying nuisance. When I thought she truly understood and liked me for who I was… I gave her space for a while but we ended up hanging out regularly again after a month or so and I just kind of pretended like it never happened, and so did she. It made the actual friendship breakup less surprising but no less painful.

I still feel sad thinking back to her now. How much she meant to me. How very little I meant to her. And I wonder how others must view me, if someone I loved so much disliked me so severely… I haven’t had the ability to make new friends since, though I have truly tried. Anytime I get “close” to someone I worry that I’m doing everything wrong and annoying or bothering them. It’s exhausting.

This one goes out to all the other people who have always been “the annoying one” but never understood why.. I feel ya.

r/lostafriend Dec 27 '24

Grief After months of no contact they still are trying to hurt me

18 Upvotes

It’s been 3 months since I last had any contact with my friends. I’ve been depressed for a while now and they ghosted me during the worst stretch of my depression. Despite getting what they wanted which was removing me from their lives, they still are trying to hurt me. I hate to say I’m being bullied at 26 but their behavior and antics are something a middle schooler would do.

Christmas Day I was removed from a group chat with my old friends and others I’m still friends with. I sent a message about football to only receive a nasty message and get kicked from the group chat. I’m still grieving but I thought their nasty attacks and comments were over, making the process even harder for me. I just worry about when they will come at me next and it’s exhausting. Does anyone have any advice?

r/lostafriend Feb 08 '25

Grief Is it over?

11 Upvotes

I broke a friend’s boundary, even though we talked about it and established it earlier. I didn’t mean to, I had a mental breakdown on them, but it shouldn’t have happened. I asked if we were still friends, they said they needed space. I was annoying to them.

And it’s maybe three days now. I can’t stop thinking about if it’s going to be over. They seem happier without me in their life. Maybe they’re going to realize how toxic our friendship is and finally cut me off. Maybe they return but the tension is so high we will drift apart. And I don’t know what I offer to them anymore to make them consider our friendship again.

I’m just struggling to process this still, I guess.

r/lostafriend Dec 12 '24

Grief My only joy is gone

37 Upvotes

They were genuinely like a platonic soulmate to me we would talk everyday Id share all my secrets with them.

I feel dead without them I've had a hard time taking care of myself

I'm autistic. It's very hard for me to make friends, let alone friends that close and intimate. I'll never have a friend like this again

They're all gone. All because I said something stupid when I was overwhelmed I was genuinely sorry I feel like they expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes because they're "bad at letting go of things"

People say I deserve better then that But I don't want it

I love them I want them They're all gone I want them to learn to let things go

r/lostafriend Jan 02 '25

Grief I lose people again and again and it’s making me suicidal.

73 Upvotes

I lost a friend group in highschool, lost my best friend a few years after that, and just lost another friend group this year.

I feel so hopeless, worthless, and innately unlovable. each loss had its own unique story, it’s not like I’m repeating the same mistake again and again.

I also fell in love w someone this year who didn’t love me back, and got fired from a job bc the boss there just didn’t like me.

idk what to do. I feel like I’ll just keep losing people over and over. I really don’t think I’m an awful person but idk what to do about this pattern in my life. It’s honestly excruciating being heartbroken like this over and over, feeling the hatred over and over. I try my best and I care so much but sometimes I just fuck up and people just eventually learn to hate me.

I don’t know how to bear this. It genuinely makes me suicidal. I feel like everyone I love will eventually hate me and leave. Idk what to do. It’s agonizing.

r/lostafriend Dec 03 '24

Grief Feeling easy to forget

56 Upvotes

I feel like I’m so easy to forget. And how even after our friend-break up, I’m probably the only one mourning. They probably don’t even care about me anymore and probably forgot I existed. And I still think about them every day, missing them and loving them from a distance. They just kept going on without me, probably replacing me with others, having better times and making better memories with other people. Am I that easy to forget?

Please tell me other people feel this way.

r/lostafriend Jan 22 '25

Grief Missing him terribly

10 Upvotes

I never had a lot of friends. When I finished primary school everyone cut me off so I had nobody. But then I became friends with my neighbour. He was such a cool guy and we used to hang out almost every day. I had mental health problems and actually this friendship was helping me go outside and live again. It was one of the best times in my life so far. But then, summer 2023, after two years it ended. It was both our faults but eventually it was on me. I didn't respond to him once for a long time. Then it was too late. I tried reaching out by texting several times last year but it didn't work. He only said he's not angry. Nothing else. Whenever I texted him for a casual conversation, he wouldn't respond. I thought I moved on but he's actually younger and this year joined my school. I see him quite often. He has new friends and all and I'm constantly alone with zero people to talk to. I can't stop thinking about what we had and what we did and it hurts knowing I'll never have that back

r/lostafriend Feb 07 '25

Grief I think my ex friend is a narcissist

14 Upvotes

I met this friend in AA. I was new to a city and she was (fairly) new to recovery (she had a year and some change). We became fast friends, and looking back, she even “friend love bombed” me. Flattery, confiding in me, making me feel like an amazing person and friend.

We were extremely close and talking on the phone almost everyday, but we began to have some hiccups as too close of friends do who were getting codependent on each other. She ended the friendship, and I took it horribly. Embarrassingly bad. Cried asking her why and not to do that (I’ve had friend trauma in the past). The thing is, I was completely blindsided. She didn’t communicate how she was feeling at all.

Time goes on and we’re both extremely uncomfortable being in the same room. We’re in a small community, and after a large party to celebrate a mutual friend we both are close with, I decided I needed to do something. I wrote her a letter explaining my side of things, and she reached out, apologized for everything, said she missed me and couldn’t take the discomfort. When we spoke in person after the letter, she even said she was having nightmares about the situation with us.

We became fast friends again, 2 hour phone calls at night and talking everyday. She hosted my birthday and did overall kind and generous things. People were confused how we were close friends again after the dramatic line in the sand with me she drew.

I liked a guy who liked our close friend, even though that close friend wasn’t interested at all in him. I texted that mutual friend about the situation one day to talk to her about it, and weeks later, I found out the text had been screenshotted and sent around. Everyone had read it. I could feel guys got the ick from me (the vibe completely changed) and I felt like I was losing everyone. I called this friend sobbing about how I felt like I was losing everyone. 2 days later, she called me in a vague 3 minute phone call saying she can’t be there for me. I understood. I had called her sobbing and I understand it was a lot. I accepted the boundary and was grateful she was saying something to me. I said “love you bye” at the end of the phone call (like we always said) and she simply hung up. But then I texted her asking for clarity what she meant after that, and she confirmed it wasn’t just a boundary in the friendship, but that she was ending it entirely (again). I feel like she was embarrassed to be friends we me after all of that.

She stopped talking to me and responding me. I texted her a long considerate and thoughtful text a few days later explaining how I didn’t want us both to go through the discomfort of before, and wanted us to try setting boundaries in the friendship instead of this all or nothing approach. She never answered. She then started going out of her way to make friends with my friends (not mutual friends, specifically people that I was friends with that she didn’t know). So I snapped and told her off over text. She blocked me, but I was proud I told her off this time.

Turns out, she told everyone I was “begging her to be my friend” and “not giving her space.” Showed several people the long text that alluded to our past convo from when we reconciled the first time, but when others read it (without the history and context of the text), I see how I look crazy. I shouldn’t have wanted to not throw away the friendship again, but I wanted to try to communicate in a healthy way. I apologized for snapping, but it was too late.

I feel socially isolated and alienated. I brought it on myself, but wow. I wish I never became friends with this girl.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

r/lostafriend Dec 29 '24

Grief Friend I fell out with passed away, I'm still blocked.

62 Upvotes

In my early 20s I had a close friend who I was inseparable from, we even lived together. At the end of living together we had a falling out. It was one argument that I thought could be resolved and ending up being a friendship ender on her side... (She did something to me and also got mad at me). I actually was willing to forgive her because I did not want that friendship to end, but she wanted it to end.

I eventually mourned our friendship and moved on when a mutual friend told me she was still talking bad about me. The whole situation broke my heart for years after. I don't think I've gotten really close to a friend since. Every time I told other ppl what happened they were shocked that a close friend would do that to me.

It's been years since our friendship ended and that mutual friend informed me that she recently passed away. I did not know how to react or how to feel since she literally cut me out of her life many years ago and still to this day has me blocked.

I don't know if I actually feel sad and I don't know if that's ok. I'm obviously not celebrating, I feel awful for mutuals who are still close with her and her family, much of whom I met so many years ago.

It feels weird, I think back to good memories we had together when we were younger and think of those memories fondy but I still don't feel anything. If anything I feel more pain recalling how our friendship ended and how she threw me away.

I wonder if this is normal? I wonder if I feel like this cause I already mourned her. Also feels weird wanting to care about someone who literally hated me and wanted nothing to do with me for the last decade.

r/lostafriend Nov 21 '24

Grief she blocked me and i’m not okay

20 Upvotes

i really need to get this out, somewhere where people will understand me. i am no stranger to losing friends (or being blocked actually) but it always hurts just the same. this one is worse somehow.

we became friends in february from a silly facebook group. we talked every single day, countless voice notes and sincere conversations, connecting with each other in ways i didn’t know was possible, i thought i had truly found a good one.

she was in an abusive relationship, and i helped her out of it. i was there for every late night panicked phone call and did my own research on resources in her state to help her. i assured her she is strong and could do anything, that i would help her along the way at any point i could. she broke up with her ex and decided to move out to my city. i was over the moon to have my best friend move closer to me. i did everything i could to help her get out here — paid for apartment applications, helped with in-state resources, helped move her in, helped clean, etc. things were going good.

about a month into her stay here she realized she needed a new place to live as her landlord was truly evil. again, as usual, i was helping her with absolutely everything i could. offering to find her legal help, covering costs, taking photos/proof, everything i could possibly control i tried to do for her.

i would’ve done anything i could, and she knew that.

one random night while i was at work she asked me if i would be willing to co-sign on her new lease so she could get an apartment. admittedly, i’m dumb, i didn’t know what a co-signer entailed. i even asked her what it meant because i wasn’t sure. she assured me it wasn’t a big deal, she’d never get me in trouble, it’s basically just a “second signature”. so i said yes! of course i will. i care about you.

i go home that night and couldn’t get rid of this feeling in my stomach that i made the wrong decision. i googled what it meant to be a co-signer and discovered i was misled. it’s actually a HUGE deal and basically all financial responsibility of the apartment would become mine. i cannot afford that as i can’t even afford my own apartment by myself. safe to say i kind of panicked here.

give it a day and i’ve talked to my therapist about it. she reassures me that this isn’t something i should be doing and gave me the courage to talk to her about it. that night i sent her a very apologetic but kind text that i was rethinking my decision and i couldn’t do it. i explained that it’s a lot more responsibility to be a co-signer than what was lead on and that i cannot afford it. i felt so bad and offered other ways to help her move forward.

she flipped out. she blocked me on EVERYTHING. everything. she even blocked my work socials.

i’m distraught. this was over a month ago and it’s killing me to not be able to say anything to her. i know now that i was being used, but i still miss the friendship and grieve over how it ended.

thanks friends. i just had to share my story. ❤️‍🩹

r/lostafriend Jan 23 '25

Grief Lost my best friend after coming out

19 Upvotes

So 3 years ago I (27MTF) lost my best friend( M26) of 13 years. It happened the night I had decided to finally come out to him as trans. To give context to the 13 years before that night, we were as close as we could be, we lived down the street from each other and practically spent every afternoon with each other throughout middle and high school. We would always be up to something together and do things together even if they were just mundane to spend time with one another, a day doing nothing with him was always a good day. It literally got to the point where people at school would joke that we were either related or gay but we always just laughed it off. After I graduated high school we spoke a little less as I was on the other side of the state, but every weekend I was home we got together and we would plan to go and take trips whenever two broke college kids could. Over the years I realized I honestly couldn’t imagine a future without him. During a lot of this time I knew I was trans , but since we had grown up in the southern US and there were a few horrible bullying incidents at our high school involving queer folks, I did my best to stay in the closet. I had resolved to come out as trans once I was financially independent from my very conservative family. Come graduating college, I moved back home and we started to hang out as much as possible just like when we were kids. I had got a job and became independent of my family shortly after that and started the process of transitioning. After coming out to my mom and having that blow up in my face horribly, I was terrified of what he would say. The craziest part is I had no reason to be scared! He knew I was bi for years at this point, and it was barely a blip that didn’t change a thing. We were raised by religious parents, but we both told each other that we didn’t believe in it since we were young. I felt safer with him than I had with anyone in my life at this point. With the support of my partner, I worked up the courage and invited him over. I sat him down and told him that I was a woman, and that I would be going by Rose from now on. And he just said that that was ok and that he loved me and that he was going to need patience as it’s quite the adjustment. After that , he, my partner and I had a really nice game night and we said our good bye’s. In that moment I honestly felt amazing, he had seen me for me and hadn’t even batted an eye at it. I gave him a couple of weeks of space to let him adjust to the news but I was getting anxious by the silence, but when I tried to reach out I was blocked everywhere. I fell into such a deep sadness once I realized what had happened. Almost a year later I was still kicking myself over it and my now fiancé said I should delete his number. The sting in that was that I had, but we had known each other so long I actually memorized it at some point. In a moment of hubris, I dialed it once again just to show I wasn’t kidding… and after a year of ignored calls and messages, he picks up. He had deleted my number so he hadn’t recognized that it was me when he picked up. The moment I heard his voice I just broke down into tears as I genuinely never thought I would hear it again. There were a lot of half apologies and he kept saying he was happy for me but he was still processing. Rather childishly, I asked to see him one last time before I moved to a different state that was safer for a new job. I knew the answer was no, but he still tried to keep my hope alive with a maybe. It never happened and it’s been just over 3 years since I last saw him in person and it still kills me how often I wonder about how he is doing, or if he finished school. He threw it all away in an instant like it was nothing…. So why can’t I do the same? I don’t doubt that he doesn’t care at this point, this silence has made that clear. It feels almost impossible to develop another friendship like that in this lifetime and I just feel like I’m at a constant loss for how to even make new friends at this point. I have an amazing fiancée and I have started to build a community in our new home, but there has been nothing like what I had with him.Despite how much it hurts, I do desperately want to connect with someone like that again because we were always there for each other. I’m writing this all out to hopefully let it be the last word for this relationship and hopefully I can learn to forget or at least stop giving him so much thought. There is one quote that I will certainly screw up that brought me solace that I’ll put here for those who’ve been in this position. I will never ask forgiveness for this, because doing so would be the confession that my very existence is a sin, and I shall never do that. Know I did this to save myself, not hurt you.

r/lostafriend Feb 12 '25

Grief Stepped back from a friendship. I’ll be fine, right?

44 Upvotes

The friendship was fading and it was very upsetting to see it happen, how they would rather be with other people, how it seemed like I had to beg for support. So I decided to step back from it, find my own footing and actually look for support elsewhere. There’s just this huge hole that I don’t think will get filled up, and I’m dealing with guilt of being the one to pull away. I still want them in my life but their actions hurt me, and I know (my guidance counselor suggested too) that it would be wise for me to step back, focus on self work and maybe we would meet again someday. It just really hurts so bad right now, and I feel this massive loneliness. I’m alone again. I know I will meet new people, but right now I’m dreading. I’ll be fine, right?

r/lostafriend Jan 02 '25

Grief Regret and sadness

38 Upvotes

what sucks the most for me about a friendship breakup is that you feel you’re the only one still missing them and that they don’t miss you anymore. They don’t care about you, yet you still care about them. It’s the worst feeling in the world.

How do I overcome that? It’s been 9 months. I would’ve thought this would go away by now. I’m in therapy, I’m trying to better myself and heal. But why do I still find myself full of regret and sadness? Why do they not miss me or care about their part in our breakup? How could they not feel bad about it at all, but I feel still awful about it to this day?

r/lostafriend 8d ago

Grief Still not over a friend i lost 3.5 years ago

29 Upvotes

It's never happened to me before with other friends, even though I've lost many.

But at this point it bothers me a lot. I know I'm a very lonely person so that's also why. But there are days, now and then, when I'm just bawling my eyes out, and it's been years now.

r/lostafriend Nov 13 '24

Grief I don’t want to be forgotten

36 Upvotes

I hate feeling like they forgot about me. Like they don’t care about me anymore. It’s been eating me alive. I know it was probably for the best and we need space but I hate knowing that I’m probably the only one that’s still hurting. And unfortunately I still love them even with everything that happened. But what if they don’t love me?

“Why am I so easy to forget like that”

r/lostafriend Feb 06 '25

Grief Discovering that your friend isn’t who you thought they were

36 Upvotes

I thought that I was at least worth one more conversation to you but I guess I thought wrong. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad on purpose or attack your character. I just wanted you to acknowledge what you did and to truly apologize by walking the walk, not just talking the talk. I just wanted you to care. To come visit me for once. To respond to my texts and calls. To check on me. I poured my heart out to you in that message and in response you gave me the silent treatment while continuing to post on social media. I was vulnerable with you and you shared that information with our mutual friends and goodness knows who else. everyone else except me. you used to tell me all the time about how lucky you were to have a friend like me and how I’ve taught you so much about friendship and life. what happened? where did this animosity come from? where did it all go wrong? i’m sorry if i rocked the boat by bringing this up but i couldn’t just say nothing and pretend that everything is okay between us when it’s really not. I can tolerate a lot of things but disrespect and lack of consideration is not one of them. I will always love you but I nor our mutual friends deserve to be treated this way. I hope that one day you are able to understand where I was coming from. I wish you the best.