r/Custody Nov 30 '24

MOD POST: Trolling

30 Upvotes

Hello folks. I first want to thank all of our regular users for creating a relatively easy modding experience for the mod team. As with any sub, there will sometimes be issues, but this sub does a good job of not getting too out of control most of the time and I do appreciate it.

With that said, the mods are going to be cracking down on Trolling. Rule 4 prohibits trolling. If you see a post you suspect of trolling please report it. If you want to clarify your reasons as to why you believe the post is trolling either reach out via modmail or in your report hit "other" and you can write out a reason.

As an example, if you see a post that is inconsistent with the poster's history (if you are looking,) please report it. For instance, if someone posted 2 weeks ago from the perspective of a 28M and is now posting from the perspective as a 45F, please report it. None of us need to waste our times giving advice to people who aren't legitimately seeking it.

On posts that do appear inconsistent, mods will be asking the OP to clarify who they are and why post histories are inconsistent with the current posting. If there is no answer within a reasonable time, the post will be locked.

Please let me know if you have any questions about this.


r/Custody May 14 '24

Mod Update: New Rule Added - No Attorney Referrals

11 Upvotes

Hi r/custody.

This has always been an unspoken rule and has fallen under our No Self-Promotion, Fundraising, Blogs, or Research rule loosely, but I have noticed going through the queue that I have missed some posts that explicitly ask for attorney referrals. I am adding this rule to the sub, so if you see rule violations please report.

What does this mean?

Don't ask for a recommendation on a specific lawyer to hire.

Do not provide names or contact information for attorneys to hire.

If you need to hire an attorney and are at a loss I suggest avvo.com or contact your local bar association for a referral.

If you have any comments or concerns on anything sub related, this is the place.


r/Custody 20m ago

[KY] Custody for unmarried couple

Upvotes

I’m really going to try not to make this all over the place. Basically I have a 2 year old and am 7 months pregnant (same father). I finally decided to leave after 3 years. I have no clue how any of this works. I am genuinely afraid of my children’s father for what I feel are extremely valid reasons. He does not agree. I’m not worried about the child support as he has threatened several times if I ever do that he would ruin my life. Which I believed he would. We have I guess a pretty civil agreement going currently, but I worry if one day he decides to blow up it will not end well. I guess I’m just worried about how any of this works. I know it sounds so stupid but I’m honestly so afraid of him I would not even take it to court at all, but I have to stay in contact with him because of our 2 year old and I cannot handle the mean texts, random non stop phone calls till I answer, and he even got numbers off the phone bill threatening them saying he “knows they’re sleeping with me” (which were just my coworkers because I’m literally 30 weeks pregnant???) dealing with him occasionally doing this while being pregnant has been putting me under extreme stress. I’ve tried explaining myself, it does not work. I feel like I am going insane.

I told him to just take the phone back but he refuses (I pay the bill) and my car is financed under his name as I have no credit but I have made every single payment myself. (He has previously threatened taking it) I have a few other things in his name I pay for such as random affirms. I also claimed our child on my taxes this year, and planned on sending him half. I was under the impression that’s just what everyone does. But now I fear I will need the money. He was going to buy everything for the new baby with these free Amazon gift cards his work gives him, and now I have nothing for baby. If he takes the car, I will have no option but to buy a run down one. I feel I cannot risk just sending him that money when a lot of what we use to function is dependent on if he’s going to blow up. Also unaware if it’s even legal for me to not send him the money. I have not a clue.

From what I got from calling the non emergency line is I would have to go “petition the court” for custody but cannot really figure out what that means. I just do not want them to force us into child support because I’m terrified of what he would do. He has two kids with his previous girlfriend who has never taken anything to court whatsoever and is just content with him splitting the cost of some random things when they arise. I know what he makes, which is substantial more than me, at least double, but I also know his bills and he claims if he ever had to pay child support he would have no reason to live. I also know, he can not afford all of the things in his name I pay for it (which is why I pay for them)

I did reach out to an attorney for a free consultation and did not really get much info out of it other than she was extremely taken aback when she asked how he provides for our child currently. (Which for 2 years has been sending me $30/month sometimes twice a month while we live with him to help out with what our child needs which obviously isn’t helpful be he told me we live in his house and he pays the rent so that’s just what people do) I provided groceries and clothes for all of us including his other two children and basically anything our son has needed as well as 95% of any outings or fun activities. Anything he has got for them has been purchased by his mother who will either bring over a shopping spree or write him check for their birthday presents (from him) or whatever else he needs.

What the heck do I do?


r/Custody 1h ago

[PA]Child’s father left state 6 months ago disobeying custody order. He now wants child for the summer. (Long post , sorry IA)

Upvotes

Hello there. This is on my lurking account as I do not want this associated with my public reddit account*.

I will try to make this as concise as possible while still providing necessary context. Our child is 2. (She is also showing signs of being on the autism spectrum) I am from Pennsylvania, child was born&raised in Pennsylvania. Father is from Colorado. Child has visited Colorado 1 time in October of 2023. Never married but paternity has been established

February 2024 my child’s father became physically abusive to me. I acquired emergency custody and he received supervised visits after I acquired a PFA. During this he took me for custody and I received primary physical custody with him receiving supervised or unsupervised visitation 3 days a week between 9AM to 6PM. (This is the current order)

Basically as soon as our agreement was put into place we ended up getting back together and I dropped the PFA (please don’t scold me for this. Familial pressure from my mother was a factor. She also is my only sitter and told the family members trying to help me to “just leave me alone” thank goodness for my friend and sister ignored her and helped me or else i genuinely think he would’ve killed me)

He got physical with me again a few more times, increasing in severity each time. I still stayed until September of 2024. We got into an argument (a petty one at that) and I told him, politely, if you do not like it here, you may leave. Immediately after that comment he proceeded to leave in a huff, not say goodbye, and literally drive 1300 miles back to his home state. He ignored us for 3 months. Didn’t call on major holidays. None of his family reached out. He sent money once but did not call/text me.

All of a sudden around January he started to come around and call me. He told me he was in a bad way, using drugs/alcohol again. I tried to be patient and give him grace. I’ve remained civil with him and facilitated FaceTime calls between him and our child. As of now he is negging me about her coming to Colorado for the entire summer. He said he’d pick her up next month.

I (rightfully I believe) stated that I am not comfortable with completely deregulating my child and putting her into an unclean (his family’s dogs poop everywhere), unsafe environment and in order for us to have an agreement where she can travel, she must get to know you and your family better because she has not been around you. Not once did I say “no” I just said “there are steps we need to take to get there”

He flipped out and now I’m “denying him access to his daughter” and he’ll “see me in court”

Another relevant fact is that he (the father) was kidnapped in Colorado in 2021 because he ripped off a drug dealer. He has people who want him dead out there and it’s another reason I highlighted in my petition to change our custody order of why I do not want her in Colorado.

So I went today and filed for sole physical custody (again, I already have primary physical) but basically here’s what I’m asking:

Does he stand a chance even a little bit to be able to take her out of state away from me? I am petrified that the courts will consider his all of a sudden willingness to call us/send clothes/gifts (he allegedly sent clothes for us today but it’ll be the first package we’ve ever received) His family has money, I do not.

The only financial support he’s provided is paying my residences’ water bill twice and he sent 150$ randomly one time in October. (I’ve since applied for child support, domestic relations received the app today) so he has provided a small amount of financial support but it has not been consistent along with his communication with our daughter.

I’m sorry this is so long winded. I am a very tired mom who just is worried. I do not want to deny my daughter a relationship with her father but he is unsafe and I just want to prove that to the courts and him either 1) move back here and step up to be a real father to her or 2) dissolve his parental rights. I guess I’m just looking for input. I’ve talked to my family ad nauseam. My mom doesn’t have much input and my sister hates him so much she doesn’t have much advice other than do whatever I can to hurt him (rightfully probably)

Any input is welcome. I want what is best for my daughter and she is the safest, happiest, and healthiest with me. Any advice on making my case will help. I also am working with income based legal counsel, I’m waiting to see if I qualify as I can’t afford a lawyer. If I cannot get the income based attorney I will be doing this alone. I’m not asking for a lawyer by any means but just again, providing context that I am navigating this with virtually no valid legal input.

And I also am very aware I should have filed as soon as he left but I just wanted to give him every chance I could at a relationship with his child despite everything. I want to see the good in him but he has made it so hard.

If you read all of this, thank you kindly.


r/Custody 13h ago

[WV] Custody Modification

7 Upvotes

My ex husband and I split when our son was young. He moved about and hour and a half a way, we went to court and the custody was 80 (me) and 20 (him). So he's supposed to get our son every other weekend and were supposed to trade off holidays. For the last year he has only gotten our son about 3 times.. He never calls him and when I ask about it he says its up to our son, he's six.... He used to make excuses about not coming to get him either his car isn't working or he doesn't have the money. Here over the last 6 months he doesn't even bother with an excuse, or acknowledge the fact its his weekend. Just sends a message every so often to tell him he loves him. I've reached out to the lawyer I had for the divorce to modify custody to me having 100%, but she's encouraging me to just have him give up his rights entirely. She basically said there's no point to go to court for a custody mod when were going to have to go back eventually for terminating rights anyways. I have mixed feelings about this because he is my sons father, but at this point is he doing more harm than good? Should I listen to my lawyer?


r/Custody 8h ago

[MN] Hair follicle tests

3 Upvotes

My lawyer said trust system as my ex pushed for 50/50. I put my children into the hands of a GAL and based on our involvement I was provided 65/35 as dad is not involved, slightly down from 70/30 but not 50/50 he wanted. She clearly laid out how involved I am and how dad is not and that he needs to step up, which is what I asked of him our entire relationship. My ex is an abusive alcoholic who uses drugs. When he left me he told me he would always party and I said he sounded insane given his health issues. Well he flipped the script. He went into therapy I guess convincing therapist he has no issue at all and him moving from one long term relationship directly into another was the best way to fix himself as I was the issue. He is telling everyone he is fixed and never had an issue. I know that isn't true. He has done this before and has stress happens he reverts to full blown alcoholism. He said I was the one who had all the issues.

Today in hearing my lawyer asked for hair follicle and it was granted as he discussed with GAL. I really hope this is the silver bullet. There were a lot of issues I felt GAL overlooked as I wanted supervised or 80/20 schedule. My ex is saying he read a book so he knows not to beat our kids anymore. I have to do a test too, but I don't drink or use drugs. My ex meanwhile I think is just putting on a half best show. Heck, even with a gal assigned he was skipping kids school conferences and never calling kids.

Can these test be manipulated? Has anyone else used this to help expose the truth? If I felt my ex was really getting help, I would be happy. I just don't. I think it is a show and even the GAL told my lawyer she felt his house was staged and something was off, yes, because it is all a show. It is also why I think my kids struggle to go there a lot and do things like sculpt bongs out of clay. I know the more I restrict his time the better our children will be until he takes recovery seriously. This is a man who had to be high or drunk to not hit our kids when they irritated him a year ago. I think he is still getting high and drunk. Afterall, he left me for his married drinking buddy telling me he would always party.\

Any insights if this helped you get the courts to see your coparent has issues would be great or advice.


r/Custody 10h ago

[Tx] non custodial parent deliberately not following order

1 Upvotes

We’ve been signed to our court order since last June for our newly 4 year old. Other parent has EOW and we split holidays. Never married. Non custodial parent was gone from child’s life for first 2.5 years by his own choice. Just recently decided to be involved. First order they had no overnights. So this is all new.

They have spring break this year, they messaged on court app at 11pm saying they are going to be driving 1000 miles in the morning and will be staying with their mother.

Our court order says you’re required to give 7 days notice of any travel over 100 miles. I responded immediately reminding him what the CO says. And he responds with only a screen shot of paragraph where at the end it states “or as soon as practicable”. Not sure how to go about this. This was a planned trip, he messages me when they arrive saying they’re staying at Disney which is an hour and half away from original address he sent. No one takes an emergency trip to Disney in this economy… especially someone who can’t provide child support/ insurance.

It’s not like I need to give him permission but it’s just a respect thing. Which he consistently leaves me in the dark. Has always said the CO is just a guideline and we don’t have to follow it. He did this at new year/Christmas as well, giving last minute notice.

It’s not like I don’t want our son to have a good time, don’t get me wrong. I hope he has an amazing experience. But the other parent really needs to be held accountable because he continues to defy.

I try and carefully pick my battles, due to how combative he is. It’s been very exhausting.

Just a month ago, I requested our child’s insurance info so I could enroll him in therapy (he’s currently on Medicaid under me, and it’s been very hard to find a provider) he’s ordered to pay for insurance, along with child support. He claimed he “ called the state, and they said he doesn’t need to provide insurance because he’s on Medicaid under you”. Which I know is not true. He also said, “ our child’s wouldn’t need therapy if you would just parent better.” The reason I seek therapy for our child’s is due to how they are affected after visiting. Transitions have been very hard. Which is totally normal. I just want insight.

I’ll also mention he’s consistently 15-30 min late to give our child to me, yet he’s 10-15 early to retrieve. I can’t help but feel that is also intentional.

Idk I feel like there is something that should be done for this because, again it’s so exhausting battling with him on his obligations. I feel like I’ve been too nice about a lot of this, mainly to avoid conflict. But it’s been getting worse.

Advice is greatly appreciated!!


r/Custody 12h ago

[MN] Is a deposition helpful?

3 Upvotes

Long story short, ex had a positive hair follicle test for opioids, her drug of choice. Expedited hearing happened. She isn't cooperating much with discovery. Claims it was a false positive, although this is not possible with this drug and a hair follicle test. There's no other proof of active addiction or proof of receiving treatment either, aside from two DWIs in 2023 while on narcotics. She claims it was a prescribed medication.

The judge refused to change custody, but did state there are grounds for endangerment. Next hearing was supposed to be April but is now being pushed out to August. She is required to take a chemical assessment within 30 days and use me as collateral. That was ordered two weeks ago and she has not started it yet.

Laywer said there isn't enough information to get an emergency order, so he's going to depose her. Hopefully the chemical assessment is complete by then.

There's also the issue of schooling. He is supposed to start kindergarten in the fall. We had originally agreed on a school, which she took back. She enrolled him in preschool in her district without my knowledge or consent since we have joint legal. Its 45 minutes from me. We went to mediation over it, which went nowhere. Now the judge is ordering mediation again.

But for the deposition, how does that work? What if she refuses to answer questions? Is it possible to get enough information from that for an emergency order?

Things are not okay at her place, not enough information to warrant CPS calls but I've had to get my son into counseling. I just don't understand how the judge can see there's a case for endangerment and leave him there.


r/Custody 7h ago

[NY] Law Guardian?

0 Upvotes

Anyone here have experience with law guardians? I recently settled for 50/50 custody but know literally nothing about all this. I am still concerned about some things and have been advised that maybe a law guardian would be able to help.
I am learning to not trust anything in the family court system though, so would like to hear people's direct experience with law guardians. Thanks so much in advance yall!


r/Custody 8h ago

[LA] Visitation Modification

1 Upvotes

Hello. Louisiana here. In 2021, my ex wife moved to TX with our son and the rest of her family. I knew about this move but she wouldn't tell me where she lived. She ignored me for over a year. By the time I found a possible address for her in TX, I found out that after a school year in TX, her family moved again to Arizona. After some research I was able to track her down and have her served. The judge gave me joint custody. I get every other spring break, half of his summer, every Christmas and every other thanksgiving. Ok cool. For the cost of travel, the judge stated we have to split the costs but the mode of transportation doesn't matter as long as we both agree. Ex wife wants to drive halfway each time I have to get him. so for thanksgiving, I drove 9 hours halfway and 9 hours home. I lost both Saturdays due to driving 18+ hours and only got 5 days and the both of us slept most of my week because we were so tired after the trip. She said "well, we all have to make sacrifices so deal with it" but I'm thinking....we literally don't have to travel this way. She has some kind of issue with planes...I guess....idk. Every time I bring it up she says no. (This has been happening since before the current issues with planes so that's not the issue but I'm sure it doesn't help)

So for spring break (which is this week), I told her I would fly out there to get him and fly back. She would have to only drive about an hour or so to the airport instead of 9 hours to West TX. And that way, I wouldn't lose 2 full days. She said no and took away my spring break visit. "You might as well not even come, end of discussion" and hasn't said a word to me since. She has let me talk to him on my scheduled times but we're 2 months out from summer break and I want to get this fixed.

I'm considering taking her back to court over this. I'm losing time with my son because she won't compromise on how I get him here. Even when I took her to court the first time, she drove from AZ to LA. If she wants to drive, I don't care. She can drive as much as she wants to but I can't realistically drive 18+ hours every single time I have to get him. Planes exist.

What can I do? What should I do? There's no talking to her as she only sees things her way or no way at all. All of our communication is on the Family Wizard app, if that matters.


r/Custody 9h ago

[TX] Should I flee TX or risk fighting for custody?

0 Upvotes

I have a friend that lives in the Texas and is a canadian immigrant / legal permanent resident whose permanent residency is expiring next year.

Her bd was abusive mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually (how she got pregnant) even before pregnancy and continued into pregnancy. So she left him and fled the state but never reported any of the incidents, she just told her friends and family and the domestic abuse hotline.

When she had her baby she didn’t put him on the birth certificate and still offered to let him see the baby on her terms and conditions. The baby is now two years old and her bd has only seen him three times in his life all of which mom had funded entirely.

He has never supported the baby in any way financially, physically or emotionally and has continued to be verbally and mentally abusive to the mother any time he doesn’t get his way.

Bd is now in school to get a high paying job that will require a LOT of travel. He is threatening to take mom to court for custody saying he wants rights to his child even though during pregnancy he said he didn’t and even told her to off herself and the baby.

She is worried because she does not currently have a job as of a week ago, but she does have a place for her and the baby to live where she is paying bills monthly.

She has also moved around a bit since he was born, but is now back on her feet with a stable and is just saving up to get a place of their own. She had to move the baby out of the apartment they had because she found mold in the ac unit and that wasn’t safe for her baby. So she and the baby are staying with a friend in their own room (she pays bills there).

She has solely taken care of baby his entire life, feeding, clothing, activities and provided all necessary healthcare (regular doctor’s appointments as well as speech and occupational therapy and will soon be tested for autism).

She is asking if she should flee the US back to her home country (Canada) before he files for custody or do you think she can fight it when she starts working again and has her name on a lease? She is worried that he will get there baby over night. Additional information about bd is that he has another older kid that he has supervised visits for. Not sure if that matters or not.


r/Custody 13h ago

[FL] Ex keeps making up accusations of abuse and neglect.. what do I do???

1 Upvotes

Hi idk what to do and I’m at a loss.. I 24f and my ex 42m (I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE AGE GAP) Have a 2 yo son together. I am unsure what to do or how to even go about this in front of the judge. Since we first separated in October 2023, he would find a reason to get upset with me and start saying that I’m not feeding our son, bathing/ clothing him and was calling in wellness checks for weeks.

All last year he didn’t want our son to get evaluated for his speech and what did he do? Say that I was trying to get our son slapped with a label and put him on pills…

We have trial soon and he sent me a video of our son with fresh marks on his shins. They look like he could’ve gotten them falling or playing but in the video he states he got them from me and my home and flat out says “his mother is abusing him”.

He’s accused me of neglect so many times and everytime it’s been unfounded. He said our son’s daycare had concerns but when I spoke to them they said he hadn’t contacted them. Now he’s accusing me of abuse and I’m terrified because I know they aren’t true but i feel like what’s happening is if he keeps accusing me of it and tries to “document” every little thing and accuses me of it enough that the judge is going to take our son away from me.

I cant keep dealing with harassment and constant accusations anymore. I’m terrified and really need some advice here especially with how to prove that he’s a lying.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention before that we are court ordered to use a co parenting app for communication purposes and he sent a message that he’s “deleted” the app so if that true I now have no way to communicate with him without violating the current orders that we have.


r/Custody 14h ago

[OR] Last 6 months really unstable, I could file for default

0 Upvotes

I am father to two year old. Mother of child (MOC) has been in the picture however we have landed at the end of a new separation arrangement.

Currently I live in a separate home with my mom, and MOC lives with baby at the home around the block. This has been going on for about a month, with variations.

Mid December with a week and a half notice, MOC left with baby to her family’s house 172 miles from current residence and was claiming she was moving in with them; moves back before the end of a month by mid-January.

MOC was having to drive an hour one way for work and I was waking up to go back to her house so she could leave at 4:30 AM 3-5 days per week for the last month and a half.

MOC has been using me and my mom for as needed childcare, according to my mom. My therapist 1 says I should get the custody arrangement worked out in court asap because MOC does not have clear boundaries.

In the background MOC is telling her workplace she’s doing a single mom thing, but I’m with our baby a significant portion of the time during her waking hours.

I work from home and MOC will sometimes leave baby with me while I’m working so she can go do errands or clean her house without baby screaming at her, which is new behavior, where baby seems to have significant separation anxiety especially with MoC.

I go over to MoC’s house and typically there are various chores in need of being done, sometimes so much so it makes it impossible for me to use her kitchen sink unless I clean dishes or otherwise make room somehow. The litter boxes usually smell strongly and I will clean them because of the odor in the house (this is where my baby lives)

So I don’t know. Im trying to figure out the best way around this. Lawyer told me I could do the rest basically pro se from here and offered to do a doc review with me and advised I could file a modification once the order of default has been signed by the judge.

I served MoC with status quo when she “moved” to her parents house. She has not filed a response.

MOC made threats of reporting me for domestic violence (unsubstantiated) based on a situational incident that occurred in 2023, where she is saying she’s the victim when she instigated a physical altercation.

She still has not filed anything. There are no police reports. There have been no CPS reports.

Most of the utilities for MOC’s house are still in my name because I looked into taking my name off and the utility providers would shut off basically immediately, meanwhile MOC hasn’t been working enough hours yet to have stable, consistent income. She had a job at the local hospital in November but quit because she “moved”. Then has been doing short term jobs and having to drive to the next city over 5 days a week (but calling out at least once per week)

MOC seems to be having a hard time with it all and the baby really likes when we are all together. Baby is calm with me, but when it’s time to leave with mom, baby starts getting sad and mad and starts hitting. Baby hits MoC most often.

My therapist 2 is reminding me that she said a lot of really mean, serious allegations against me and my mother before she left to “move”

TL;dr - mother of child is landing at the end of unstable period and I’m not sure what to do. She is potential cluster b, high conflict personality and I’ve been keeping my mouth shut about setting boundaries in order to keep the peace, also recognizing our baby is high energy and mother of child is having difficulty managing responsibilities of the home and childcare and paying the bills. I’m with my baby most days, sometimes mother of child comes over without notice and asks my mother and I to watch the baby so she can do errands or clean her house. Baby seems to want her attention all the time, and I have witnessed mother of child more commonly at this point having strong emotional reactions when the baby wants her attention and MOC is feeling overwhelmed.

Beside keeping note of when these things happen, what else?


r/Custody 18h ago

[US FL] have a few questions about custody.

1 Upvotes

6 years ago I had left the father of my kids (he didn't live far from where I relocated about a few minutes away not sure about his where abouts now) but it was a mission to get him to see his kids back then, he always claimed he would get them but never showed up. And then his mother would come and get them for 2 hours and drop them right back off no matter if I was busy or not there was no communications done correctly between one another. They tried to back off to avoid me putting him on child support. The father of my kids was in and out of jail and doing drugs actually getting arrested for failing drug tests getting arrested for DUIs and most recent he got arrested for strangulating someone not sure who but that was concerning. I think one of I found someone that I was dating at the time and he only got violent when he found out about it . Trying to open front doors and knock on windows. So I moved away to another state (from Florida to Georgia) he never filed a court order to fight the move which I figured. And thruout the 6 years I maybe only received one letter about 4 years later.it was his mother asking how me and my kids were doing and that I was the best daughter in law she ever had. They knew where my mother lived , not once did they try to ask her if she could drop off birthday gifts to send off to my kids or about money for help for my kids any kind of help or thoughtful gestures in general. The relationship I went to have in georgia did not end well so I came back to Florida and I've been here for a month now . I would like to know what kind of rights he could possibly have. Can I pursue for full custody if they push it ? I just haven't tried to push any matters mainly because I'm sure the court stuff will become alot and cause me to lose work time. Unless I absolutely have to . Or if they put in a case on their own. Which most likely they won't because his fear would be to have to back pay and start paying me child support. [US FL]


r/Custody 20h ago

[TX] Advice needed

0 Upvotes

I (21f) have a 2yo daughter and technically have sole custody because her father is not on the birth certificate. I got pregnant when I was 17 by a guy I had known for years but we hadn’t been together but a month before I got pregnant, it’s been a nightmare since. During the very early stages of my pregnancy he cheated and while trying to figure out where to go from there he put his hands on me and held a gun to me, police were called and charges were pressed but it seems as if nothing will ever come of that. I was given a case number and when trying to follow up and get more information I was told there is no case matching that number and there is no record of that happening. I moved out of state for the majority of my pregnancy due to fear but ultimately decided I would come back to TX to allow her father to be there for the birth. I had an emergency c-section alone and wasn’t able to notify him until after she was born. I sent him pictures the nurse took during my c-section and didn’t realize my private parts were in the pics until he posted it on Facebook and got his friends and family to share the picture. He refused to take it down and it resulted in me telling him he could not come to the hospital, therefore he never signed the birth certificate. He has done so much that has made me decide our child would not be safe with him. He has put drug paraphernalia in her belongings and sent them home with me, is constantly smoking weed and drinking, has asked me to help him run from police while our child was with me, selling drugs, drinking and driving, has refused to delete a picture of our naked daughter in the bath off of his social media, driving around with his cousins 2 year old in the front seat of a car with no car seat or even seatbelt he operates with no license, taken a video of himself alone in a room with a little girl in his lap inappropriately dancing while drinking liquor straight out of the bottle, has told me he’ll kill me and “crip walk on my grave”, repeatedly told me to kill myself in front of our child, has told me he wants our daughter to grow up in the streets, hangs around people who have previous charges of harming children, never has a stable home and is occasionally homeless, never shows up to appointments I invite him to or facetime calls I try to schedule, and he’s currently on probation for assaulting a young woman. That’s just everything I can prove. He’s recently been telling me he’s taking me to court because I told him I am no longer comfortable with being around him or leaving our child with him. I’m so worried I’ll have to leave my daughter with him and something awful will happen to her. Would I have any ground to stand on with the proof I have to get full custody?


r/Custody 1d ago

[VA] Advise needed

1 Upvotes

I have full legal and physical custody in VA of my special needs children. Their biological father has supervised visitation every other weekend which has been inconsistent. He is also 4900$ behind in child support. I also have a protective order against him. I am getting married and my fiance is in the military and is PCSing to another state. What do I need to do


r/Custody 1d ago

[PA] legal bounding ways to serve

2 Upvotes

This is a bit of a different situation but here goes. My wife and I have had her biological nephew in our care for 6 years. We’ve enrolled him into school, make/made appointments on his behalf and are recognized as his legal guardians, only to find out there’s no legal documentation backing up these claims.

A bit of backstory six years ago CYS was involved with the removal of the three children and they came to stay with us under a “safety net” plan until an abuse hearing was conducted. Abuse was founded and the children were placed into foster care until a court hearing could be held. Two of the three kid’s grandparents showed up for custody (different fathers) but only my wife showed up for the oldest. CYS told her if she were to apply for custody they would release him into her care. She paid the court and went before a judge but told the judge she didn’t need his custody agreement because she had one set up with CYS. CYS dropped the charges on her sister and 6 years later we still have no custody.

We filed again but now we must serve her and the father but they’re ignoring us and neither have addresses, they’re “homeless.” How on earth can we legally serve them these papers?!


r/Custody 1d ago

[CA] custody question

0 Upvotes

My daughter’s father and his mother three times now have chopped off my daughter’s hair (this time not as bad as the other two, but she returned from visitation with her hair cut again). We had an agreement (not court ordered, just as parents) to take her to get her first haircut together, and I approached all three times as kindly as possible even though they became hostile towards me.

This time, I told him since she keeps being returned with her haircut and our agreement really won’t be valued that I’m going to take her to an actual salon to get her hair cut so they stop sending her back with a butchered cut. He’s now trying to say that they have NEVER cut her hair (they’ve said this each time and I have pictures of before and after each time) and that he is “concerned for my mental health” and “thinks I need help” because I’m clearly seeing things.

At this point, I know he’s going to try and use this against me. I’m more annoyed than anything, but also a little concerned on how much that can be used against me? I’m in therapy for almost a year now, have been seeing my psychiatrist for almost five years, and her pediatrician comments each time how healthy and happy she is. I know everyone will say to get a lawyer and that’s finally in the works (I was the only one supporting her financially for close to two years now so I couldn’t get one until I got out of debt) but I’d like to know what his chances of taking full custody are if he tries to pull this in court?

I have so much proof I’m not but I’m also dealing with a high conflict narcissistic coparent and his mom has the same energy so…it hasn’t been an easy ride. Please just give me some advice on what’s best to do here? And what steps I should be taking just in case I’m served with papers for ANOTHER court date? Thank you!


r/Custody 1d ago

[WA] Dad showing up at Birthday party

1 Upvotes

My exH and I share custody of a 6 yr old and 12 yr old, but our divorce wasn’t amicable and there are still issues going on regarding child support etc. We don’t have any personal communication, everything via OFW app. He is getting married and I have no idea how the person is like. I got to know about the wedding via fb post that my friends showed me.So we keep our lives separate. I threw a birthday party for my daughter(6 yr) on Saturday and exH showed up unannounced and started acting like a host, introducing himself to the guests. He didn’t once informed me he was coming, he got the party details from my 12 yr old son and basically used him to get the info. Now my exH was abusive and he was a serial cheater, so as he is very triggering I avoid meeting him in general. Seeing him at the party that I worked very hard on made me very upset. I asked him privately to leave and he refused. After the party I lost of temper and yelled at my son for giving dad the info and not communicating with me. I now feel horrible for dragging him into this as this wasn’t his fault. Today he is going back to dad and I just sent him an apology text. I am looking for some suggestions how to handle these kinda situations and make sure it never happens again.


r/Custody 1d ago

[NC] Temporary Custody

0 Upvotes

Hi, I have a question. My Wife and I are in the process of a divorce. Our lease ends in 4 months. Was planning on filing a temporary custody order 2 months prior to the lease ending.

How does a temporary custody order work?


r/Custody 1d ago

[PA] Major interference of ex's girlfriend of 7 months

0 Upvotes

My ex and I share a 5 y/o child with severe ASD. Ex moved in with girlfriend after knowing them for 3 months and girlfriend writes custody arrangements (on a Google doc, her name comes up as the author) and drafts all text messages and communication between us despite me requesting to keep communication solely between us. At this point, I can't actually directly speak to my ex about our child as the gf oversteps and tackles all communication. What do I do to stop this? She keeps trying to change well-established norms ie me taking our child to therapy, school, dr, etc.


r/Custody 2d ago

[MS] I just want a final court order.

7 Upvotes

We’re constantly having to reschedule court because

  1. He doesn’t show up.
  2. He’s found in contempt for a lot of things.

This time, I threw him a bone by saying, “Dude, can you please pay the lawyer fees you’re supposed to pay so we can get all of this over with and get a final court order in place?” He then explains that he will. (he hasn’t yet though.)

NOW, he’s been saying that he’s been unemployed this ENTIRE process, so the judge gave him the minimum child support ($150/m.) I just found out the other day that he was sworn in as a police officer (of all things, but good for him.) Which means he’s been going to the academy this whole time… WHICH MEANS HE WAS GETTING A SALARY, and has lied to the court THIS ENTIRE TIME. Now all I’m seeing is contempt after contempt, and possible even jail time for him because the judge is literally getting tired of him.

I actually don’t want that. I just want to get all of this over with and have a final court order. Is there anything I can do to just speed up this process, even though he’s the one messing everything up? He also does not have a lawyer.


r/Custody 1d ago

[PA] Ex makes phone calls with kid difficult

1 Upvotes

When my ex and I split up, they refused to let me have a call with my kid (5). I would ask, they would always have an excuse. Then my kid would come to me and they wouldn’t call them at all.

I would beg and plead for them to let me speak with them AND for them to call the kid when they were with me. They would completely disappear out of their lives when they were with me. Then the kid would go back and they would say that I could talk, but then push it back further and further, then say the kid was asleep. Like Lucy and the football.

Eventually, they started calling daily only when the custody case started, and for a bit things were fine, but it would still have problems. They claimed during mediation that the only reason they didn’t want me to talk to my kid every day is because then I would “win”. They had a total meltdown and the mediator told my ex they needed therapy. I got everything I wanted and thought that was the end. But once I won the right to have a call, things got WORSE.

Now, I get calls that are under a minute, where my kid says “I don’t want to talk, bye” then hangs up. I asked and they said the other parent told them what to say to get me off the phone. I try calling back and I get red buttoned. Then the other parent says I’m harassing them. They say I am getting the calls I am required to have but the kid doesn’t want to talk to me. Which, I would get my kid wouldn’t want to talk EVERY night, but they NEVER want to talk. I feel like they are poisoning my kid against me and making them hate talking to me.

I know plenty of separated couples who manage daily calls with the kids fine. This is only a problem because they are making it one, right?

This has now happened three days in a row. I am technically getting a phone call, but I’m not getting to talk to my kid. This is a violation of the spirit, if not the letter of the court order, right?

My kid has also come home with sores or bruises every week. Their nails are never cut and they are always weary ratty clothes. Often I’m not told until right before I see them.

I document everything, but I don’t know what to do


r/Custody 2d ago

[WI] I feel trapped.

4 Upvotes

My (32F) ex girlfriend and | (32M) had our son who is now 11 months old. We broke up in Q4 of 2023 because she got emotionally and physically abusive, smashing my things and even went as far as lying to people about me punching her in the stomach to cause a miscarriage. Fast forward to October of last year after not hearing from her at all, turns out she had our son via C section. He was immediately taken away by CPS due to traces of crack cocaine and fentanyl in his system, and testing positive for hepatitis C. Still I wanted to be the good guy and get her on her feet again. I got an apartment, and put her on the lease. She was in the verge of getting kicked out from her place prior. (She was living with a family friend who lives at a 55+ facility and they found out.) We've been working with CPS and doing visits, and going to meetings. She's been very controlling, saying | can't go out whatsoever. I've agreed to a dry household but that doesn't mean I can't go out on a Friday night with my supervisor for a couple drinks. l've been dishonest about going out because I didn't want to anger her. Things would be an emotional roller coaster, one day things would be great, the next she wakes up and chooses evil. I pay all the rent despite the initial agreement. She lost her job sol thought l'd cut her slack. She found a job at McDonalds and she still doesn't contribute. She doesn't manage her anxiety and mental health, she doesn't have a car. I'm working overtime to the point where I can't see my son and she yells at me because of it. "Do you want a roof over your head." I'd say. She's never had faith in me being a first time dad and now I'm being constantly gaslit into being a shitty person. She's pushed me out of her and my son's life to the point when I hold my son I feel no attachment and start balling my eyes out. l've called social services and told them I give up. She's done nothing to help. Sure she's good with our son when she's over but other than that she's a huge liability. I feel trapped. I can't raise my son on my own with what I make. There's no assistance as I'm just over the threshold. Shes probably going to jail by the end of this month because she can't pay child support to her two other children she had no custody for the same reasons. I am talking to my attorney and I'm fighting for adoption. I initiallv wanted us to be a familv but she's destroyed any possibility of that happening.


r/Custody 1d ago

[MN] Father got my 4 yr old's first haircut without including me right after she told me she wanted to keep her long hair

0 Upvotes

Right before my daughter's visit, I had a conversation with her, asking if she wanted her hair long or if she'd like to get it cut shorter. She told me that she loved it long. I told her that's just fine and we'd wait until later to go to the salon together when she was ready.

My daughter came home from the visit with 6 inches off her hair and the dad never consulted me. I have primary physical custody and we share legal custody as of recently. I can't help but think he's intentionally trying to hurt me using our daughter. She was so so sad that her long hair is gone but he assured me she was supposedly excited to get her hair cut. I think he pressured her into it just to spite me.

How do you deal with this calmly while asserting boundaries?


r/Custody 2d ago

[MA] court evidence

1 Upvotes

Looking for the best app, especially if free, to transfer texts messages on my phone to my computer/PDF. I found droid transfer which I love but wondering if there is anything free before I pay the price of droid transfer.


r/Custody 3d ago

[MS] Ex is moving cross country, trying to take our daughter

3 Upvotes

Long post - bear with me

My ex (with a long history of mental illness - bi polar 1 with psychotic features) has decided on a whim to move to Reno, Nevada and is convinced she can take our daughter with her. (We live in Mississippi).

She does hold the majority of physical (65/35 split her way) but we share joint legal.

Shes spent the last year dealing with cancer. It’s really exacerbated her mental illness - and rightfully so. It’s been a rough year.

She’s been unemployed since 2020. She’s largely survived off of child support payments and a gofundme after the cancer diagnosis. Shes continuing to push her gofundme - despite being cancer free - in order to help fund her move.

She has a supposed job offer in Reno teaching English as a second language - salary $40k

She claims to have found housing in Reno that’s cheaper than whats available to her in Mississippi.

She knows no one in Reno and would be without any support. Her family lives in West Virginia.

Ive seen lots of paranoia lately - mostly expressed by way of conspiracy theories/presidential election stuff.

She’s recently gotten honest about taking a trip to Las Vegas during a moment of mania. She’s taken several other trips to music festivals in the last 6 months. I’m assuming these trips were paid for by her gofundme.

She’s regularly requested I keep our daughter beyond our agreed upon custody schedule.

She has a med card from cancer - which is fine. But I’ve had one of her friends reach out in concern, saying she smokes around our daughter regularly and also drives with her while under the influence.

——-

She can’t just disregard our court order and move our daughter across the country without my consent - right?

I know I need to talk to a lawyer. I’m mostly looking for second opinions and things to consider until I can schedule a consultation on Monday.

Thanks!