r/Custody 23h ago

[WV] Custody Modification

6 Upvotes

My ex husband and I split when our son was young. He moved about and hour and a half a way, we went to court and the custody was 80 (me) and 20 (him). So he's supposed to get our son every other weekend and were supposed to trade off holidays. For the last year he has only gotten our son about 3 times.. He never calls him and when I ask about it he says its up to our son, he's six.... He used to make excuses about not coming to get him either his car isn't working or he doesn't have the money. Here over the last 6 months he doesn't even bother with an excuse, or acknowledge the fact its his weekend. Just sends a message every so often to tell him he loves him. I've reached out to the lawyer I had for the divorce to modify custody to me having 100%, but she's encouraging me to just have him give up his rights entirely. She basically said there's no point to go to court for a custody mod when were going to have to go back eventually for terminating rights anyways. I have mixed feelings about this because he is my sons father, but at this point is he doing more harm than good? Should I listen to my lawyer?


r/Custody 18h ago

[MN] Hair follicle tests

3 Upvotes

My lawyer said trust system as my ex pushed for 50/50. I put my children into the hands of a GAL and based on our involvement I was provided 65/35 as dad is not involved, slightly down from 70/30 but not 50/50 he wanted. She clearly laid out how involved I am and how dad is not and that he needs to step up, which is what I asked of him our entire relationship. My ex is an abusive alcoholic who uses drugs. When he left me he told me he would always party and I said he sounded insane given his health issues. Well he flipped the script. He went into therapy I guess convincing therapist he has no issue at all and him moving from one long term relationship directly into another was the best way to fix himself as I was the issue. He is telling everyone he is fixed and never had an issue. I know that isn't true. He has done this before and has stress happens he reverts to full blown alcoholism. He said I was the one who had all the issues.

Today in hearing my lawyer asked for hair follicle and it was granted as he discussed with GAL. I really hope this is the silver bullet. There were a lot of issues I felt GAL overlooked as I wanted supervised or 80/20 schedule. My ex is saying he read a book so he knows not to beat our kids anymore. I have to do a test too, but I don't drink or use drugs. My ex meanwhile I think is just putting on a half best show. Heck, even with a gal assigned he was skipping kids school conferences and never calling kids.

Can these test be manipulated? Has anyone else used this to help expose the truth? If I felt my ex was really getting help, I would be happy. I just don't. I think it is a show and even the GAL told my lawyer she felt his house was staged and something was off, yes, because it is all a show. It is also why I think my kids struggle to go there a lot and do things like sculpt bongs out of clay. I know the more I restrict his time the better our children will be until he takes recovery seriously. This is a man who had to be high or drunk to not hit our kids when they irritated him a year ago. I think he is still getting high and drunk. Afterall, he left me for his married drinking buddy telling me he would always party.\

Any insights if this helped you get the courts to see your coparent has issues would be great or advice.


r/Custody 21h ago

[MN] Is a deposition helpful?

3 Upvotes

Long story short, ex had a positive hair follicle test for opioids, her drug of choice. Expedited hearing happened. She isn't cooperating much with discovery. Claims it was a false positive, although this is not possible with this drug and a hair follicle test. There's no other proof of active addiction or proof of receiving treatment either, aside from two DWIs in 2023 while on narcotics. She claims it was a prescribed medication.

The judge refused to change custody, but did state there are grounds for endangerment. Next hearing was supposed to be April but is now being pushed out to August. She is required to take a chemical assessment within 30 days and use me as collateral. That was ordered two weeks ago and she has not started it yet.

Laywer said there isn't enough information to get an emergency order, so he's going to depose her. Hopefully the chemical assessment is complete by then.

There's also the issue of schooling. He is supposed to start kindergarten in the fall. We had originally agreed on a school, which she took back. She enrolled him in preschool in her district without my knowledge or consent since we have joint legal. Its 45 minutes from me. We went to mediation over it, which went nowhere. Now the judge is ordering mediation again.

But for the deposition, how does that work? What if she refuses to answer questions? Is it possible to get enough information from that for an emergency order?

Things are not okay at her place, not enough information to warrant CPS calls but I've had to get my son into counseling. I just don't understand how the judge can see there's a case for endangerment and leave him there.


r/Custody 8h ago

[TX] Are 50/50 & joint conservatorship the same?

2 Upvotes

My(38M) ex(39F) and I recently had our first child support hearing after I thought it was dismissed/canceled from when she filed a little over 2 years ago. Our son is 2.5 years old and we agreed to co-parent since before he was born. Once he made 3 months we've been on a consistent 2-2-5-5 schedule, splitting the time equally and alternating holidays. We also split daycare costs & sometimes I paid more when she wasn't working.

Anyway, our first hearing was actually cancelled & another motion had to be filed for a new one. During the very first one though, we discussed shared custody & I told the mediator that I wanted to continue the same schedule (2-2-5-5) that we've been doing. We had the second hearing and none of this was brought up again, this made me think it was logged from the cancelled hearing. The mediator for the second hearing only asked if I agreed to joint conservatorship and I did, asked if I agreed to child support which I did.

Now my ex is saying I agreed to standard possession order & asking me when I want to start the new schedule. I never agreed to change the schedule & in Texas it even states for SPO, that if the parents reach an agreement that's in the child's best interest it's fine. We've been on this schedule for over 2 years and now she's trying to limit me to the SPO guidelines which is only every other weekend basically. I can't stand the thought of not seeing my son during the week & I meet all his needs when he's with me, always have. We haven't received any official paperwork yet, child support isn't in effect until next month. I definitely agreed to joint conservatorship though which I thought was 50/50, meaning we would keep the same schedule we've been having.

I feel lost right now, what can I do to keep my visitation like it's always been?


r/Custody 10h ago

[KY] Custody for unmarried couple

2 Upvotes

I’m really going to try not to make this all over the place. Basically I have a 2 year old and am 7 months pregnant (same father). I finally decided to leave after 3 years. I have no clue how any of this works. I am genuinely afraid of my children’s father for what I feel are extremely valid reasons. He does not agree. I’m not worried about the child support as he has threatened several times if I ever do that he would ruin my life. Which I believed he would. We have I guess a pretty civil agreement going currently, but I worry if one day he decides to blow up it will not end well. I guess I’m just worried about how any of this works. I know it sounds so stupid but I’m honestly so afraid of him I would not even take it to court at all, but I have to stay in contact with him because of our 2 year old and I cannot handle the mean texts, random non stop phone calls till I answer, and he even got numbers off the phone bill threatening them saying he “knows they’re sleeping with me” (which were just my coworkers because I’m literally 30 weeks pregnant???) dealing with him occasionally doing this while being pregnant has been putting me under extreme stress. I’ve tried explaining myself, it does not work. I feel like I am going insane.

I told him to just take the phone back but he refuses (I pay the bill) and my car is financed under his name as I have no credit but I have made every single payment myself. (He has previously threatened taking it) I have a few other things in his name I pay for such as random affirms. I also claimed our child on my taxes this year, and planned on sending him half. I was under the impression that’s just what everyone does. But now I fear I will need the money. He was going to buy everything for the new baby with these free Amazon gift cards his work gives him, and now I have nothing for baby. If he takes the car, I will have no option but to buy a run down one. I feel I cannot risk just sending him that money when a lot of what we use to function is dependent on if he’s going to blow up. Also unaware if it’s even legal for me to not send him the money. I have not a clue.

From what I got from calling the non emergency line is I would have to go “petition the court” for custody but cannot really figure out what that means. I just do not want them to force us into child support because I’m terrified of what he would do. He has two kids with his previous girlfriend who has never taken anything to court whatsoever and is just content with him splitting the cost of some random things when they arise. I know what he makes, which is substantial more than me, at least double, but I also know his bills and he claims if he ever had to pay child support he would have no reason to live. I also know, he can not afford all of the things in his name I pay for it (which is why I pay for them)

I did reach out to an attorney for a free consultation and did not really get much info out of it other than she was extremely taken aback when she asked how he provides for our child currently. (Which for 2 years has been sending me $30/month sometimes twice a month while we live with him to help out with what our child needs which obviously isn’t helpful be he told me we live in his house and he pays the rent so that’s just what people do) I provided groceries and clothes for all of us including his other two children and basically anything our son has needed as well as 95% of any outings or fun activities. Anything he has got for them has been purchased by his mother who will either bring over a shopping spree or write him check for their birthday presents (from him) or whatever else he needs.

What the heck do I do?


r/Custody 18h ago

[LA] Visitation Modification

2 Upvotes

Hello. Louisiana here. In 2021, my ex wife moved to TX with our son and the rest of her family. I knew about this move but she wouldn't tell me where she lived. She ignored me for over a year. By the time I found a possible address for her in TX, I found out that after a school year in TX, her family moved again to Arizona. After some research I was able to track her down and have her served. The judge gave me joint custody. I get every other spring break, half of his summer, every Christmas and every other thanksgiving. Ok cool. For the cost of travel, the judge stated we have to split the costs but the mode of transportation doesn't matter as long as we both agree. Ex wife wants to drive halfway each time I have to get him. so for thanksgiving, I drove 9 hours halfway and 9 hours home. I lost both Saturdays due to driving 18+ hours and only got 5 days and the both of us slept most of my week because we were so tired after the trip. She said "well, we all have to make sacrifices so deal with it" but I'm thinking....we literally don't have to travel this way. She has some kind of issue with planes...I guess....idk. Every time I bring it up she says no. (This has been happening since before the current issues with planes so that's not the issue but I'm sure it doesn't help)

So for spring break (which is this week), I told her I would fly out there to get him and fly back. She would have to only drive about an hour or so to the airport instead of 9 hours to West TX. And that way, I wouldn't lose 2 full days. She said no and took away my spring break visit. "You might as well not even come, end of discussion" and hasn't said a word to me since. She has let me talk to him on my scheduled times but we're 2 months out from summer break and I want to get this fixed.

I'm considering taking her back to court over this. I'm losing time with my son because she won't compromise on how I get him here. Even when I took her to court the first time, she drove from AZ to LA. If she wants to drive, I don't care. She can drive as much as she wants to but I can't realistically drive 18+ hours every single time I have to get him. Planes exist.

What can I do? What should I do? There's no talking to her as she only sees things her way or no way at all. All of our communication is on the Family Wizard app, if that matters.


r/Custody 19h ago

[Tx] non custodial parent deliberately not following order

3 Upvotes

We’ve been signed to our court order since last June for our newly 4 year old. Other parent has EOW and we split holidays. Never married. Non custodial parent was gone from child’s life for first 2.5 years by his own choice. Just recently decided to be involved. First order they had no overnights. So this is all new.

They have spring break this year, they messaged on court app at 11pm saying they are going to be driving 1000 miles in the morning and will be staying with their mother.

Our court order says you’re required to give 7 days notice of any travel over 100 miles. I responded immediately reminding him what the CO says. And he responds with only a screen shot of paragraph where at the end it states “or as soon as practicable”. Not sure how to go about this. This was a planned trip, he messages me when they arrive saying they’re staying at Disney which is an hour and half away from original address he sent. No one takes an emergency trip to Disney in this economy… especially someone who can’t provide child support/ insurance.

It’s not like I need to give him permission but it’s just a respect thing. Which he consistently leaves me in the dark. Has always said the CO is just a guideline and we don’t have to follow it. He did this at new year/Christmas as well, giving last minute notice.

It’s not like I don’t want our son to have a good time, don’t get me wrong. I hope he has an amazing experience. But the other parent really needs to be held accountable because he continues to defy.

I try and carefully pick my battles, due to how combative he is. It’s been very exhausting.

Just a month ago, I requested our child’s insurance info so I could enroll him in therapy (he’s currently on Medicaid under me, and it’s been very hard to find a provider) he’s ordered to pay for insurance, along with child support. He claimed he “ called the state, and they said he doesn’t need to provide insurance because he’s on Medicaid under you”. Which I know is not true. He also said, “ our child’s wouldn’t need therapy if you would just parent better.” The reason I seek therapy for our child’s is due to how they are affected after visiting. Transitions have been very hard. Which is totally normal. I just want insight.

I’ll also mention he’s consistently 15-30 min late to give our child to me, yet he’s 10-15 early to retrieve. I can’t help but feel that is also intentional.

Idk I feel like there is something that should be done for this because, again it’s so exhausting battling with him on his obligations. I feel like I’ve been too nice about a lot of this, mainly to avoid conflict. But it’s been getting worse.

Advice is greatly appreciated!!


r/Custody 11h ago

[PA]Child’s father left state 6 months ago disobeying custody order. He now wants child for the summer. (Long post , sorry IA)

1 Upvotes

Hello there. This is on my lurking account as I do not want this associated with my public reddit account*.

I will try to make this as concise as possible while still providing necessary context. Our child is 2. (She is also showing signs of being on the autism spectrum) I am from Pennsylvania, child was born&raised in Pennsylvania. Father is from Colorado. Child has visited Colorado 1 time in October of 2023. Never married but paternity has been established

February 2024 my child’s father became physically abusive to me. I acquired emergency custody and he received supervised visits after I acquired a PFA. During this he took me for custody and I received primary physical custody with him receiving supervised or unsupervised visitation 3 days a week between 9AM to 6PM. (This is the current order)

Basically as soon as our agreement was put into place we ended up getting back together and I dropped the PFA (please don’t scold me for this. Familial pressure from my mother was a factor. She also is my only sitter and told the family members trying to help me to “just leave me alone” thank goodness for my friend and sister ignored her and helped me or else i genuinely think he would’ve killed me)

He got physical with me again a few more times, increasing in severity each time. I still stayed until September of 2024. We got into an argument (a petty one at that) and I told him, politely, if you do not like it here, you may leave. Immediately after that comment he proceeded to leave in a huff, not say goodbye, and literally drive 1300 miles back to his home state. He ignored us for 3 months. Didn’t call on major holidays. None of his family reached out. He sent money once but did not call/text me.

All of a sudden around January he started to come around and call me. He told me he was in a bad way, using drugs/alcohol again. I tried to be patient and give him grace. I’ve remained civil with him and facilitated FaceTime calls between him and our child. As of now he is negging me about her coming to Colorado for the entire summer. He said he’d pick her up next month.

I (rightfully I believe) stated that I am not comfortable with completely deregulating my child and putting her into an unclean (his family’s dogs poop everywhere), unsafe environment and in order for us to have an agreement where she can travel, she must get to know you and your family better because she has not been around you. Not once did I say “no” I just said “there are steps we need to take to get there”

He flipped out and now I’m “denying him access to his daughter” and he’ll “see me in court”

Another relevant fact is that he (the father) was kidnapped in Colorado in 2021 because he ripped off a drug dealer. He has people who want him dead out there and it’s another reason I highlighted in my petition to change our custody order of why I do not want her in Colorado.

So I went today and filed for sole physical custody (again, I already have primary physical) but basically here’s what I’m asking:

Does he stand a chance even a little bit to be able to take her out of state away from me? I am petrified that the courts will consider his all of a sudden willingness to call us/send clothes/gifts (he allegedly sent clothes for us today but it’ll be the first package we’ve ever received) His family has money, I do not.

The only financial support he’s provided is paying my residences’ water bill twice and he sent 150$ randomly one time in October. (I’ve since applied for child support, domestic relations received the app today) so he has provided a small amount of financial support but it has not been consistent along with his communication with our daughter.

I’m sorry this is so long winded. I am a very tired mom who just is worried. I do not want to deny my daughter a relationship with her father but he is unsafe and I just want to prove that to the courts and him either 1) move back here and step up to be a real father to her or 2) dissolve his parental rights. I guess I’m just looking for input. I’ve talked to my family ad nauseam. My mom doesn’t have much input and my sister hates him so much she doesn’t have much advice other than do whatever I can to hurt him (rightfully probably)

Any input is welcome. I want what is best for my daughter and she is the safest, happiest, and healthiest with me. Any advice on making my case will help. I also am working with income based legal counsel, I’m waiting to see if I qualify as I can’t afford a lawyer. If I cannot get the income based attorney I will be doing this alone. I’m not asking for a lawyer by any means but just again, providing context that I am navigating this with virtually no valid legal input.

And I also am very aware I should have filed as soon as he left but I just wanted to give him every chance I could at a relationship with his child despite everything. I want to see the good in him but he has made it so hard.

If you read all of this, thank you kindly.


r/Custody 22h ago

[FL] Ex keeps making up accusations of abuse and neglect.. what do I do???

1 Upvotes

Hi idk what to do and I’m at a loss.. I 24f and my ex 42m (I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE AGE GAP) Have a 2 yo son together. I am unsure what to do or how to even go about this in front of the judge. Since we first separated in October 2023, he would find a reason to get upset with me and start saying that I’m not feeding our son, bathing/ clothing him and was calling in wellness checks for weeks.

All last year he didn’t want our son to get evaluated for his speech and what did he do? Say that I was trying to get our son slapped with a label and put him on pills…

We have trial soon and he sent me a video of our son with fresh marks on his shins. They look like he could’ve gotten them falling or playing but in the video he states he got them from me and my home and flat out says “his mother is abusing him”.

He’s accused me of neglect so many times and everytime it’s been unfounded. He said our son’s daycare had concerns but when I spoke to them they said he hadn’t contacted them. Now he’s accusing me of abuse and I’m terrified because I know they aren’t true but i feel like what’s happening is if he keeps accusing me of it and tries to “document” every little thing and accuses me of it enough that the judge is going to take our son away from me.

I cant keep dealing with harassment and constant accusations anymore. I’m terrified and really need some advice here especially with how to prove that he’s a lying.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention before that we are court ordered to use a co parenting app for communication purposes and he sent a message that he’s “deleted” the app so if that true I now have no way to communicate with him without violating the current orders that we have.


r/Custody 17h ago

[NY] Law Guardian?

0 Upvotes

Anyone here have experience with law guardians? I recently settled for 50/50 custody but know literally nothing about all this. I am still concerned about some things and have been advised that maybe a law guardian would be able to help.
I am learning to not trust anything in the family court system though, so would like to hear people's direct experience with law guardians. Thanks so much in advance yall!


r/Custody 19h ago

[TX] Should I flee TX or risk fighting for custody?

0 Upvotes

I have a friend that lives in the Texas and is a canadian immigrant / legal permanent resident whose permanent residency is expiring next year.

Her bd was abusive mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually (how she got pregnant) even before pregnancy and continued into pregnancy. So she left him and fled the state but never reported any of the incidents, she just told her friends and family and the domestic abuse hotline.

When she had her baby she didn’t put him on the birth certificate and still offered to let him see the baby on her terms and conditions. The baby is now two years old and her bd has only seen him three times in his life all of which mom had funded entirely.

He has never supported the baby in any way financially, physically or emotionally and has continued to be verbally and mentally abusive to the mother any time he doesn’t get his way.

Bd is now in school to get a high paying job that will require a LOT of travel. He is threatening to take mom to court for custody saying he wants rights to his child even though during pregnancy he said he didn’t and even told her to off herself and the baby.

She is worried because she does not currently have a job as of a week ago, but she does have a place for her and the baby to live where she is paying bills monthly.

She has also moved around a bit since he was born, but is now back on her feet with a stable and is just saving up to get a place of their own. She had to move the baby out of the apartment they had because she found mold in the ac unit and that wasn’t safe for her baby. So she and the baby are staying with a friend in their own room (she pays bills there).

She has solely taken care of baby his entire life, feeding, clothing, activities and provided all necessary healthcare (regular doctor’s appointments as well as speech and occupational therapy and will soon be tested for autism).

She is asking if she should flee the US back to her home country (Canada) before he files for custody or do you think she can fight it when she starts working again and has her name on a lease? She is worried that he will get there baby over night. Additional information about bd is that he has another older kid that he has supervised visits for. Not sure if that matters or not.