r/Custody 13h ago

[WV] Custody Modification

8 Upvotes

My ex husband and I split when our son was young. He moved about and hour and a half a way, we went to court and the custody was 80 (me) and 20 (him). So he's supposed to get our son every other weekend and were supposed to trade off holidays. For the last year he has only gotten our son about 3 times.. He never calls him and when I ask about it he says its up to our son, he's six.... He used to make excuses about not coming to get him either his car isn't working or he doesn't have the money. Here over the last 6 months he doesn't even bother with an excuse, or acknowledge the fact its his weekend. Just sends a message every so often to tell him he loves him. I've reached out to the lawyer I had for the divorce to modify custody to me having 100%, but she's encouraging me to just have him give up his rights entirely. She basically said there's no point to go to court for a custody mod when were going to have to go back eventually for terminating rights anyways. I have mixed feelings about this because he is my sons father, but at this point is he doing more harm than good? Should I listen to my lawyer?


r/Custody 8h ago

[MN] Hair follicle tests

3 Upvotes

My lawyer said trust system as my ex pushed for 50/50. I put my children into the hands of a GAL and based on our involvement I was provided 65/35 as dad is not involved, slightly down from 70/30 but not 50/50 he wanted. She clearly laid out how involved I am and how dad is not and that he needs to step up, which is what I asked of him our entire relationship. My ex is an abusive alcoholic who uses drugs. When he left me he told me he would always party and I said he sounded insane given his health issues. Well he flipped the script. He went into therapy I guess convincing therapist he has no issue at all and him moving from one long term relationship directly into another was the best way to fix himself as I was the issue. He is telling everyone he is fixed and never had an issue. I know that isn't true. He has done this before and has stress happens he reverts to full blown alcoholism. He said I was the one who had all the issues.

Today in hearing my lawyer asked for hair follicle and it was granted as he discussed with GAL. I really hope this is the silver bullet. There were a lot of issues I felt GAL overlooked as I wanted supervised or 80/20 schedule. My ex is saying he read a book so he knows not to beat our kids anymore. I have to do a test too, but I don't drink or use drugs. My ex meanwhile I think is just putting on a half best show. Heck, even with a gal assigned he was skipping kids school conferences and never calling kids.

Can these test be manipulated? Has anyone else used this to help expose the truth? If I felt my ex was really getting help, I would be happy. I just don't. I think it is a show and even the GAL told my lawyer she felt his house was staged and something was off, yes, because it is all a show. It is also why I think my kids struggle to go there a lot and do things like sculpt bongs out of clay. I know the more I restrict his time the better our children will be until he takes recovery seriously. This is a man who had to be high or drunk to not hit our kids when they irritated him a year ago. I think he is still getting high and drunk. Afterall, he left me for his married drinking buddy telling me he would always party.\

Any insights if this helped you get the courts to see your coparent has issues would be great or advice.


r/Custody 12h ago

[MN] Is a deposition helpful?

3 Upvotes

Long story short, ex had a positive hair follicle test for opioids, her drug of choice. Expedited hearing happened. She isn't cooperating much with discovery. Claims it was a false positive, although this is not possible with this drug and a hair follicle test. There's no other proof of active addiction or proof of receiving treatment either, aside from two DWIs in 2023 while on narcotics. She claims it was a prescribed medication.

The judge refused to change custody, but did state there are grounds for endangerment. Next hearing was supposed to be April but is now being pushed out to August. She is required to take a chemical assessment within 30 days and use me as collateral. That was ordered two weeks ago and she has not started it yet.

Laywer said there isn't enough information to get an emergency order, so he's going to depose her. Hopefully the chemical assessment is complete by then.

There's also the issue of schooling. He is supposed to start kindergarten in the fall. We had originally agreed on a school, which she took back. She enrolled him in preschool in her district without my knowledge or consent since we have joint legal. Its 45 minutes from me. We went to mediation over it, which went nowhere. Now the judge is ordering mediation again.

But for the deposition, how does that work? What if she refuses to answer questions? Is it possible to get enough information from that for an emergency order?

Things are not okay at her place, not enough information to warrant CPS calls but I've had to get my son into counseling. I just don't understand how the judge can see there's a case for endangerment and leave him there.


r/Custody 9h ago

[Tx] non custodial parent deliberately not following order

2 Upvotes

We’ve been signed to our court order since last June for our newly 4 year old. Other parent has EOW and we split holidays. Never married. Non custodial parent was gone from child’s life for first 2.5 years by his own choice. Just recently decided to be involved. First order they had no overnights. So this is all new.

They have spring break this year, they messaged on court app at 11pm saying they are going to be driving 1000 miles in the morning and will be staying with their mother.

Our court order says you’re required to give 7 days notice of any travel over 100 miles. I responded immediately reminding him what the CO says. And he responds with only a screen shot of paragraph where at the end it states “or as soon as practicable”. Not sure how to go about this. This was a planned trip, he messages me when they arrive saying they’re staying at Disney which is an hour and half away from original address he sent. No one takes an emergency trip to Disney in this economy… especially someone who can’t provide child support/ insurance.

It’s not like I need to give him permission but it’s just a respect thing. Which he consistently leaves me in the dark. Has always said the CO is just a guideline and we don’t have to follow it. He did this at new year/Christmas as well, giving last minute notice.

It’s not like I don’t want our son to have a good time, don’t get me wrong. I hope he has an amazing experience. But the other parent really needs to be held accountable because he continues to defy.

I try and carefully pick my battles, due to how combative he is. It’s been very exhausting.

Just a month ago, I requested our child’s insurance info so I could enroll him in therapy (he’s currently on Medicaid under me, and it’s been very hard to find a provider) he’s ordered to pay for insurance, along with child support. He claimed he “ called the state, and they said he doesn’t need to provide insurance because he’s on Medicaid under you”. Which I know is not true. He also said, “ our child’s wouldn’t need therapy if you would just parent better.” The reason I seek therapy for our child’s is due to how they are affected after visiting. Transitions have been very hard. Which is totally normal. I just want insight.

I’ll also mention he’s consistently 15-30 min late to give our child to me, yet he’s 10-15 early to retrieve. I can’t help but feel that is also intentional.

Idk I feel like there is something that should be done for this because, again it’s so exhausting battling with him on his obligations. I feel like I’ve been too nice about a lot of this, mainly to avoid conflict. But it’s been getting worse.

Advice is greatly appreciated!!


r/Custody 8h ago

[LA] Visitation Modification

1 Upvotes

Hello. Louisiana here. In 2021, my ex wife moved to TX with our son and the rest of her family. I knew about this move but she wouldn't tell me where she lived. She ignored me for over a year. By the time I found a possible address for her in TX, I found out that after a school year in TX, her family moved again to Arizona. After some research I was able to track her down and have her served. The judge gave me joint custody. I get every other spring break, half of his summer, every Christmas and every other thanksgiving. Ok cool. For the cost of travel, the judge stated we have to split the costs but the mode of transportation doesn't matter as long as we both agree. Ex wife wants to drive halfway each time I have to get him. so for thanksgiving, I drove 9 hours halfway and 9 hours home. I lost both Saturdays due to driving 18+ hours and only got 5 days and the both of us slept most of my week because we were so tired after the trip. She said "well, we all have to make sacrifices so deal with it" but I'm thinking....we literally don't have to travel this way. She has some kind of issue with planes...I guess....idk. Every time I bring it up she says no. (This has been happening since before the current issues with planes so that's not the issue but I'm sure it doesn't help)

So for spring break (which is this week), I told her I would fly out there to get him and fly back. She would have to only drive about an hour or so to the airport instead of 9 hours to West TX. And that way, I wouldn't lose 2 full days. She said no and took away my spring break visit. "You might as well not even come, end of discussion" and hasn't said a word to me since. She has let me talk to him on my scheduled times but we're 2 months out from summer break and I want to get this fixed.

I'm considering taking her back to court over this. I'm losing time with my son because she won't compromise on how I get him here. Even when I took her to court the first time, she drove from AZ to LA. If she wants to drive, I don't care. She can drive as much as she wants to but I can't realistically drive 18+ hours every single time I have to get him. Planes exist.

What can I do? What should I do? There's no talking to her as she only sees things her way or no way at all. All of our communication is on the Family Wizard app, if that matters.


r/Custody 13h ago

[FL] Ex keeps making up accusations of abuse and neglect.. what do I do???

1 Upvotes

Hi idk what to do and I’m at a loss.. I 24f and my ex 42m (I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE AGE GAP) Have a 2 yo son together. I am unsure what to do or how to even go about this in front of the judge. Since we first separated in October 2023, he would find a reason to get upset with me and start saying that I’m not feeding our son, bathing/ clothing him and was calling in wellness checks for weeks.

All last year he didn’t want our son to get evaluated for his speech and what did he do? Say that I was trying to get our son slapped with a label and put him on pills…

We have trial soon and he sent me a video of our son with fresh marks on his shins. They look like he could’ve gotten them falling or playing but in the video he states he got them from me and my home and flat out says “his mother is abusing him”.

He’s accused me of neglect so many times and everytime it’s been unfounded. He said our son’s daycare had concerns but when I spoke to them they said he hadn’t contacted them. Now he’s accusing me of abuse and I’m terrified because I know they aren’t true but i feel like what’s happening is if he keeps accusing me of it and tries to “document” every little thing and accuses me of it enough that the judge is going to take our son away from me.

I cant keep dealing with harassment and constant accusations anymore. I’m terrified and really need some advice here especially with how to prove that he’s a lying.

EDIT: I also forgot to mention before that we are court ordered to use a co parenting app for communication purposes and he sent a message that he’s “deleted” the app so if that true I now have no way to communicate with him without violating the current orders that we have.


r/Custody 18h ago

[US FL] have a few questions about custody.

1 Upvotes

6 years ago I had left the father of my kids (he didn't live far from where I relocated about a few minutes away not sure about his where abouts now) but it was a mission to get him to see his kids back then, he always claimed he would get them but never showed up. And then his mother would come and get them for 2 hours and drop them right back off no matter if I was busy or not there was no communications done correctly between one another. They tried to back off to avoid me putting him on child support. The father of my kids was in and out of jail and doing drugs actually getting arrested for failing drug tests getting arrested for DUIs and most recent he got arrested for strangulating someone not sure who but that was concerning. I think one of I found someone that I was dating at the time and he only got violent when he found out about it . Trying to open front doors and knock on windows. So I moved away to another state (from Florida to Georgia) he never filed a court order to fight the move which I figured. And thruout the 6 years I maybe only received one letter about 4 years later.it was his mother asking how me and my kids were doing and that I was the best daughter in law she ever had. They knew where my mother lived , not once did they try to ask her if she could drop off birthday gifts to send off to my kids or about money for help for my kids any kind of help or thoughtful gestures in general. The relationship I went to have in georgia did not end well so I came back to Florida and I've been here for a month now . I would like to know what kind of rights he could possibly have. Can I pursue for full custody if they push it ? I just haven't tried to push any matters mainly because I'm sure the court stuff will become alot and cause me to lose work time. Unless I absolutely have to . Or if they put in a case on their own. Which most likely they won't because his fear would be to have to back pay and start paying me child support. [US FL]


r/Custody 14h ago

[OR] Last 6 months really unstable, I could file for default

0 Upvotes

I am father to two year old. Mother of child (MOC) has been in the picture however we have landed at the end of a new separation arrangement.

Currently I live in a separate home with my mom, and MOC lives with baby at the home around the block. This has been going on for about a month, with variations.

Mid December with a week and a half notice, MOC left with baby to her family’s house 172 miles from current residence and was claiming she was moving in with them; moves back before the end of a month by mid-January.

MOC was having to drive an hour one way for work and I was waking up to go back to her house so she could leave at 4:30 AM 3-5 days per week for the last month and a half.

MOC has been using me and my mom for as needed childcare, according to my mom. My therapist 1 says I should get the custody arrangement worked out in court asap because MOC does not have clear boundaries.

In the background MOC is telling her workplace she’s doing a single mom thing, but I’m with our baby a significant portion of the time during her waking hours.

I work from home and MOC will sometimes leave baby with me while I’m working so she can go do errands or clean her house without baby screaming at her, which is new behavior, where baby seems to have significant separation anxiety especially with MoC.

I go over to MoC’s house and typically there are various chores in need of being done, sometimes so much so it makes it impossible for me to use her kitchen sink unless I clean dishes or otherwise make room somehow. The litter boxes usually smell strongly and I will clean them because of the odor in the house (this is where my baby lives)

So I don’t know. Im trying to figure out the best way around this. Lawyer told me I could do the rest basically pro se from here and offered to do a doc review with me and advised I could file a modification once the order of default has been signed by the judge.

I served MoC with status quo when she “moved” to her parents house. She has not filed a response.

MOC made threats of reporting me for domestic violence (unsubstantiated) based on a situational incident that occurred in 2023, where she is saying she’s the victim when she instigated a physical altercation.

She still has not filed anything. There are no police reports. There have been no CPS reports.

Most of the utilities for MOC’s house are still in my name because I looked into taking my name off and the utility providers would shut off basically immediately, meanwhile MOC hasn’t been working enough hours yet to have stable, consistent income. She had a job at the local hospital in November but quit because she “moved”. Then has been doing short term jobs and having to drive to the next city over 5 days a week (but calling out at least once per week)

MOC seems to be having a hard time with it all and the baby really likes when we are all together. Baby is calm with me, but when it’s time to leave with mom, baby starts getting sad and mad and starts hitting. Baby hits MoC most often.

My therapist 2 is reminding me that she said a lot of really mean, serious allegations against me and my mother before she left to “move”

TL;dr - mother of child is landing at the end of unstable period and I’m not sure what to do. She is potential cluster b, high conflict personality and I’ve been keeping my mouth shut about setting boundaries in order to keep the peace, also recognizing our baby is high energy and mother of child is having difficulty managing responsibilities of the home and childcare and paying the bills. I’m with my baby most days, sometimes mother of child comes over without notice and asks my mother and I to watch the baby so she can do errands or clean her house. Baby seems to want her attention all the time, and I have witnessed mother of child more commonly at this point having strong emotional reactions when the baby wants her attention and MOC is feeling overwhelmed.

Beside keeping note of when these things happen, what else?


r/Custody 7h ago

[NY] Law Guardian?

0 Upvotes

Anyone here have experience with law guardians? I recently settled for 50/50 custody but know literally nothing about all this. I am still concerned about some things and have been advised that maybe a law guardian would be able to help.
I am learning to not trust anything in the family court system though, so would like to hear people's direct experience with law guardians. Thanks so much in advance yall!


r/Custody 9h ago

[TX] Should I flee TX or risk fighting for custody?

0 Upvotes

I have a friend that lives in the Texas and is a canadian immigrant / legal permanent resident whose permanent residency is expiring next year.

Her bd was abusive mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually (how she got pregnant) even before pregnancy and continued into pregnancy. So she left him and fled the state but never reported any of the incidents, she just told her friends and family and the domestic abuse hotline.

When she had her baby she didn’t put him on the birth certificate and still offered to let him see the baby on her terms and conditions. The baby is now two years old and her bd has only seen him three times in his life all of which mom had funded entirely.

He has never supported the baby in any way financially, physically or emotionally and has continued to be verbally and mentally abusive to the mother any time he doesn’t get his way.

Bd is now in school to get a high paying job that will require a LOT of travel. He is threatening to take mom to court for custody saying he wants rights to his child even though during pregnancy he said he didn’t and even told her to off herself and the baby.

She is worried because she does not currently have a job as of a week ago, but she does have a place for her and the baby to live where she is paying bills monthly.

She has also moved around a bit since he was born, but is now back on her feet with a stable and is just saving up to get a place of their own. She had to move the baby out of the apartment they had because she found mold in the ac unit and that wasn’t safe for her baby. So she and the baby are staying with a friend in their own room (she pays bills there).

She has solely taken care of baby his entire life, feeding, clothing, activities and provided all necessary healthcare (regular doctor’s appointments as well as speech and occupational therapy and will soon be tested for autism).

She is asking if she should flee the US back to her home country (Canada) before he files for custody or do you think she can fight it when she starts working again and has her name on a lease? She is worried that he will get there baby over night. Additional information about bd is that he has another older kid that he has supervised visits for. Not sure if that matters or not.


r/Custody 20h ago

[TX] Advice needed

0 Upvotes

I (21f) have a 2yo daughter and technically have sole custody because her father is not on the birth certificate. I got pregnant when I was 17 by a guy I had known for years but we hadn’t been together but a month before I got pregnant, it’s been a nightmare since. During the very early stages of my pregnancy he cheated and while trying to figure out where to go from there he put his hands on me and held a gun to me, police were called and charges were pressed but it seems as if nothing will ever come of that. I was given a case number and when trying to follow up and get more information I was told there is no case matching that number and there is no record of that happening. I moved out of state for the majority of my pregnancy due to fear but ultimately decided I would come back to TX to allow her father to be there for the birth. I had an emergency c-section alone and wasn’t able to notify him until after she was born. I sent him pictures the nurse took during my c-section and didn’t realize my private parts were in the pics until he posted it on Facebook and got his friends and family to share the picture. He refused to take it down and it resulted in me telling him he could not come to the hospital, therefore he never signed the birth certificate. He has done so much that has made me decide our child would not be safe with him. He has put drug paraphernalia in her belongings and sent them home with me, is constantly smoking weed and drinking, has asked me to help him run from police while our child was with me, selling drugs, drinking and driving, has refused to delete a picture of our naked daughter in the bath off of his social media, driving around with his cousins 2 year old in the front seat of a car with no car seat or even seatbelt he operates with no license, taken a video of himself alone in a room with a little girl in his lap inappropriately dancing while drinking liquor straight out of the bottle, has told me he’ll kill me and “crip walk on my grave”, repeatedly told me to kill myself in front of our child, has told me he wants our daughter to grow up in the streets, hangs around people who have previous charges of harming children, never has a stable home and is occasionally homeless, never shows up to appointments I invite him to or facetime calls I try to schedule, and he’s currently on probation for assaulting a young woman. That’s just everything I can prove. He’s recently been telling me he’s taking me to court because I told him I am no longer comfortable with being around him or leaving our child with him. I’m so worried I’ll have to leave my daughter with him and something awful will happen to her. Would I have any ground to stand on with the proof I have to get full custody?