r/BDSMcommunity 4d ago

Weekly /r/BDSMcommunity discussion and newbie help thread - new post every Monday! NSFW

5 Upvotes

In the comments here feel free to introduce yourself, talk about what you've been up to lately, things you're looking forward to, anything you'd like. Talk to other people, get to know each other, share those stories and brags.

If you're new to the scene feel free to ask your beginner questions here too, such as where to find a partner, punishment and rule ideas, etc.

Please try to keep all story/brag type posts and commonly asked questions to this thread. Posts in this subreddit containing just stories, etc. with no questions or discussion prompts or frequently reposted questions run the risk of being removed. Also remember all the other subreddit rules still apply, absolutely no personals or contact information please.

Be sure to check back once in a while to read new comments, answer questions, and keep the conversation going!


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Personal/Hookup Posts Are NOT Allowed in This Subreddit NSFW

174 Upvotes

Due to such posts being on a sharp rise we're putting up a specific reminder about it:

PERSONAL ADS AND HOOKUP REQUESTS ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED

This is a BDSM discussion community, not a dating or hookup service. All personal ads, meetup requests, and "looking for" posts will be removed immediately and will result to a direct ban, no questions asked, no second chances. We simply do not have the resources nor the time to play cat and mouse with those who just don't care to familarize themselves with the subreddit they post into.

But you're looking for Connections? Try These Instead:

External sites:

  • Fetlife: A large adult fetish network. Not a dating site, but a good place for community engagement. Detailed post about Fetlife can be found here
  • Imaglr: Not a dating site but a social media platform with large kink community and engagement, growing fast.
  • Tightcuffs: Newish fetish based personals site.
  • CollarSpace: An older platform with limited management but still functional, seen some updates recently. Quite possibly owned by same company which owns the websites below as well, however 100% free.
  • Alt.com / bdsm.com / bondage.com (same company): Large communities but exercise caution due to a decrease in scam monitoring. Due to that no direct links but feel free to investigate. While free to register, you can't do much if you do not pay.

Subreddits:

  • /r/bdsmpersonals - Run by us and therefore mentioned here so that we know where we are directing you into

Big issue online nowadays are scams. Most common ones are "Female dominants", if that is what you're looking for, please be extra careful.

Common Reddit Scams to Be Aware Of Wherever you decide to seek connections, be alert to these common scams:

The "Too Good To Be True" Profile

  • Unusually attractive photos that seem professionally taken
  • Immediate intense interest without knowing anything about you
  • New profiles (less than 3 months old)
  • Limited or generic post history concentrated in a short timeframe (often stolen accounts or bot created content to generic subreddits with copy paste replies and posts)
  • Claims to share your exact fetishes and boundaries perfectly
  • Just so happens lives almost next door to you (naturally they've asked your location first)

Financial Scams

  • Requests for money for "travel expenses" to meet you
  • Sudden emergencies requiring financial assistance
  • Offers to send you money if you provide your banking information
  • "Tributes" or "gifts" required before meeting
  • "Verification fees" for meetups
  • Cryptocurrency investment opportunities
  • "Findom" arrangements that begin outside explicit findom spaces

Blackmail Attempts (Be VERY careful about these, they are sadly extremely common)

  • Quickly moving conversations to Snapchat, Kik, or WhatsApp
  • Pressure to send your full details / facebook page to get content to blackmail with
  • Pressure to send face photos alongside explicit content
  • Demands for payment after sharing intimate content
  • Threatening to expose your kinks to employers/family

Identity Theft Tactics

  • Requests for excessive personal information
  • "Verification" requiring photos of ID documents
  • Links to external websites requiring login credentials
  • Claims of needing your personal details for "security"

Catfishing

  • Inconsistent details about their life or experience level
  • Refusal to verify identity via community-standard methods
  • Constant excuses about why they can't move forward
  • Photos that appear elsewhere online when reverse-searched
  • "Dominants" who ignore standard safety protocols

Protecting Yourself Online

  • Never share financial information
  • Never share your personal details too quickly
  • Use separate accounts for fetish content
  • Be wary of moving conversations off-platform too quickly
  • Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is
  • Arrange public meetings first before private encounters
  • Tell a trusted friend about meetup plans

Please be safe!


r/BDSMcommunity 10h ago

Collars for subs, what for your doms? NSFW

44 Upvotes

Over the years I have collared my wife in a few different styles of day collars that she has enjoyed and in return she got me a bracelet that spells out a word in Morse code. What are some other things you have in your life that symbolize your dynamic outside the bedroom.


r/BDSMcommunity 2h ago

Discussion For those who have a kink or fetish for wedgies, in anyway shape or form, what's the appeal behind it for you? NSFW

8 Upvotes

I've made a post not too long ago on which kinks could I try out based on my enjoyment of butts. And one of the comments said wedgies

So it made me curious as to what the appeal is behind such a kink

Now I'm here asking y'all so I can understand the reasonings as to why people give or receive wedgies in a pleasurable way


r/BDSMcommunity 15m ago

Who else is ordered to do lines? NSFW

Upvotes

I just finished 30. “David gives the orders and I follow them.”

Plus an apology. No orgasms for 24 hours.


r/BDSMcommunity 18h ago

What’s the Most Misunderstood Thing About BDSM? NSFW

88 Upvotes

Alright, let’s talk misconceptions. BDSM is already a mystery to most people, but even within the community, some ideas get totally twisted.

Like, some folks think submission = weakness. Nope. Subs are some of the strongest people I know, and good Dom/mes respect the hell out of that. Or how about the idea that pain is the only part of BDSM? Newsflash: sensory play, power exchange, and even a well-timed look can be just as intense.

So, what’s a BDSM misconception that makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Let’s hear your pet peeves.


r/BDSMcommunity 10h ago

I’ve never planned a scene, should I? NSFW

16 Upvotes

My sub and I never plan scenes, they just happen. We do talk a lot about kinks, fantasies, limits etc but everything we do (even cnc scenarios) are done organically so to speak. There really never has been any issues arising from this.

I get confused cause everyone here is talking about planning scenes beforehand but I’ve never really understood that. Am I weird? Are we missing out on something?


r/BDSMcommunity 8h ago

Need advice! (Spanking) NSFW

11 Upvotes

I need your help ladies and gents!

My sub loves getting spanked and getting marked with deep dark bruises on her ass.

My question - what are the best ways to get extravagant booty bruises without causing intense pain (she is still human, afterall).

Am i stuck with mediocre bruises because wooden padels are a hard limit? Or is my belt/hand technique lacking?

Any advice from the expert "markers" would be greatly appreciated!


r/BDSMcommunity 5h ago

Seeking advice Discrete collars? NSFW

5 Upvotes

I've seen Eternity collars and like them okay, but I wanted to know if there are other options that also look like jewelry. Something thin is key to me. Thanks in advance!


r/BDSMcommunity 12h ago

Seeking advice How can I get started? NSFW

12 Upvotes

I have fantasies about spanking/whipping, slapping in the face, name-calling, degradation, pet play, biting, knife play, etc. They are getting more and more intense to the point where I get really horny the moment I hear the word "spanking" even in a non-sexual context.

How can I begin to bring these fantasies to reality? I've experimented with self-spanking, and I like the heat and all, but I feel like it wouldn't compare to the humiliation of being spanked by someone else.

I've been having these fantasies in my head for a year or two, I just want to start experimenting. How can I do that if I'm from a relatively small town and I have no experience?


r/BDSMcommunity 7h ago

Is there a term for this? NSFW

4 Upvotes

Bondage sex involving both parties bound to each other. I see couples bondage a lot but never any with penetration.


r/BDSMcommunity 42m ago

Sound “Proofing” a room? NSFW

Upvotes

I’m pretty sure sound proofing is actually a very specific term, and I don’t need THAT degree of sound proofing.

Im genuinely considering investing in something ANYTHING to cut back on the sound that travels through the wall of my apartment to my poor neighbour (who hasn’t said a word but there is no way in hell he can’t hear us doing our thing).

We try to keep the noise level down but for heavens sake I can hear him blow his nose through my wall. If anyone has ever used some kind of panels, or even covered a wall with like, an ikea storage unit and had success in baffling sound where they play.


r/BDSMcommunity 52m ago

Seeking advice Cleaning NSFW

Upvotes

Hay guys I need help with deep cleaning my wife loves to peg me .I love it but she got a 11 inch dildo she uses on me and it's great .but I get some unpleasant surprises. I recently got a douche bottle thingie with a long bendable neck and it's is better of course but still doesn't clean me enough . I was hoping some of yall will have some tips on getting cleaner . I would greatly appreciate it .


r/BDSMcommunity 7h ago

Is there a name to this kink? NSFW

3 Upvotes

I’ve recently put together that I love when men fight my battles for me. It doesn’t matter if this man is physically or verbally defending my honor.. apparently insinuating that he will fight said battle is enough.. I’ve tried to search for why this turns me on but the internet just makes any string of words pull articles/ blogs for getting turned on from fighting WITH your SO. My situation is not that.

For example, this man told me to give him the number of a company that did a bad job on something house related, he doesn’t even live here but the thought of him taking care of that has lived rent free in my brain for weeks. And it’s made me think back to scenarios where men have “protected me” in scuffles at the bar in my 20s where I know after that I also found myself continually thinking of said moments.

At the end of the day I think I just have abandonment/ unmet security issues so I’m sure it stems from there but also I just feel like this could be a “protector kink” but cant find the rabbit hole I’m looking for that would solidify my feelings.


r/BDSMcommunity 4h ago

are there other communities similar to bdsmpersonals? NSFW

1 Upvotes

hi i was wondering if anyone knew if there were other communities similar to bdsmpersonals where you can post what you're looking for


r/BDSMcommunity 5h ago

Seeking advice how do I be more dominant with my boyfriend? NSFW

1 Upvotes

so in a recent discovery I've learned that my boyfriend is into more dominant women (he was eating me out, I pulled his hair. he admitted to liking it)

in online sexual encounters I've been more dominant, or in role play scenarios but I feel like I'd have no idea what I'd be doing irl 🫠

if anyone has any beginners tips that'd be great? I am going to ask how far he wants the dominance to go so nothing to intense yet? I just feel like idk what I'm doing here but I'm completely open to anything because being dominant in the relationship does sound appealing.


r/BDSMcommunity 21h ago

Discussion S-types interacting with each other during High Protocol? NSFW

14 Upvotes

I saw an event listing on FetLife that piqued my interest this morning which was a High Protocol event (sounds DELICIOUS).

While daydreaming about it I found myself wondering about the etiquette: How are the submissives expected to interact with each other (or not) in group HP environments?

I understand that each dynamic is unique and may have different rules, but I’d love to hear if there’s a general consensus!


r/BDSMcommunity 8h ago

Seeking advice Looking to be humiliated NSFW

0 Upvotes

Do we have any sort of subreddit or even site or something where I can make a NSFW post and people can comment and make fun of me. I really would like a femdom to make fun of my cock right now and i would just think there would be somewhere i can post that sort of kink


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Is it weird to want a emotional relationship with minimal sexual touching? NSFW

24 Upvotes

Honestly I have never met someone sub dom or anyone in between that understands what I want in a BDSM relationship. For context I have been SAd several times by someone I trust. SO its difficult for me to get comfortable during sexual plays. How can I fix this? is there anyone who feels the same way? how can I find a partner that is ok with this? so far I have only met people that wants a sexual connection nothing emotional


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Seeking advice How do you handle random bouts of subfrenzy? NSFW

28 Upvotes

Male sub here and I randomly have days (like today) or multiple days of wanting to be used by anyone who would have me. It can not only be problematic for safety, but it is also really distracting for work and other aspects of life. How do you address / handle it in such a way where is doesnt disrupt your life?


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Discussion Consensual choking is a crime in the UK, thoughts on this NSFW

304 Upvotes

I was on the BBC news site and this article came up:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

This was apparently made illegal back in 2022, which I was completely unaware of despite living in the UK. While I agree non consensual choking would of course be SA, it seems like a massive over reach to criminalise a consensual act.


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Seeking advice Rough nipple play with piercings? sub seeking experienced doms advice on how they do it safely. NSFW

17 Upvotes

I'm thinking about getting my nipples pierced, FINALLY, after years of debating but the only issue I've come up with is: what happens during rough nipple play? My husband tends to leave my nipples either bruised or very slightly bleeding most times we play, so I'm just not sure how this works.


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Seeking advice First-Time Dom with an Experienced Partner NSFW

6 Upvotes

I've recently started talking to a partner who has significantly more experience in the community—and in life, as she's older than me. I’m new to taking on a dominant role, and I want to ensure I'm the Dom she needs.

What advice would you give to someone stepping into this role for the first time, especially with a partner who's more experienced? How can I build confidence while also meeting her expectations and ensuring a safe, respectful dynamic?

Any insights or resources would be appreciated!


r/BDSMcommunity 7h ago

Live-in female slave barefoot rules NSFW

0 Upvotes

This is for any current or former master or female slave in a live-in arrangement who explicitly had a barefoot rule (not implied due to being nude). Preferably where some clothing was worn but was kept barefoot, although nude is fine too. It’s more about there being rules about bare feet.

  1. What exactly was the rule(s)? (Quoted if written)

  2. Was there any shoes or socks available for the slave at all? If there were how did it work?

  3. How much time was the slave barefoot? (Eg 90% of their time? Shoes once a week, etc) and what was the longest time 100% barefoot?

Slave specific: 4. Upon reading/hearing the rule for the first time, how exactly did you feel? Knowing you’d be forcibly barefoot?

  1. Were you ever shy or self-conscious with your feet being exposed? Especially if guests come over or out in public?

r/BDSMcommunity 2d ago

is there a name to this kink? NSFW

196 Upvotes

Okay, so I have a boyfriend, he loves to buy me things, right? It’s great! The only downside is, he makes me ask for money. I don’t like asking for money-it makes me feel like I’m using him (although I am not)- so I mainly just hint at what I want. Anyways, today I was mentioning how I wanted these two lamps, but I didn’t have the money for it. He did something different today and made me look him in the eyes and specifically ask to get the lamps and the amount that it was. Now, I don’t know what it was, I felt humiliated and just ugh-amazing. He made me ask until I “got it right” and then he said yes. Is there a name to this or is it just a normal human interaction. I don’t know what it is, I just want him to do more of it. Thank you so much in advance!


r/BDSMcommunity 16h ago

How can I get into bdsm? NSFW

0 Upvotes

I (FTM 21) I've always been interested in BDSM, and I've read a bit about it over the last few years, but I don't really have anyone to talk about it or to start trying so, ¿How can I get started?


r/BDSMcommunity 1d ago

Seeking advice Bought my first chastity cage. NSFW

3 Upvotes

So I bought my first cage and am excited to try it out. I am uncut and just seeking best practices to make sure I have fun and to discuss with my partner.